Jesus, some Miracles, and a few holes.

Someone claiming to be Jesus walks into the room (he looks like your stereotypical Jesus), he starts pulling all kinds of miracles out ever orifice he has and I mean really impressive miracles. Do you drop down and worship him or call him a fake/ask for more proof? Explain your reasoning and feel free to criticize others for their choice.

Elaborate on any orifice miracle you think this “Jesus” may use to sway your believes.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Gumby

some words

yeah ok but...

Quote:

orifice miracle

hello new MSN screen name

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'd kill him. Anyone with superhuman powers is a threat to mankind in an evolutionary sense. We don't want a race of Jesi roaming the earth and destroying our good economy by replicating fish or making free wine, do we?

How ya doing, buddy?

I would probably ask this Jesus person what he is all about. Seriously, if he is going to do some miracles, there has got to be a reason for it. I don't think that miracles per se will sway me.

Most amazing jew boots

If someone started doing that in front of me, i'd probably shout some abuse at them or just go right over and punch them. I don't care who they are, anyone claiming to be 'Jesus' needs to be locked up in a padded white room. I don't care if he can make water into mine or any of that stuff he's meant to be able to do.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Wow, that's a tough one. I certainly wouldn't drop down and worship him, given how many "miracles" can be made to happen with slight of hand. In fact, I'm inclined to agree with Crimson.

Originally Posted by ComCrimson

...anyone claiming to be 'Jesus' needs to be locked up in a padded white room.

How ya doing, buddy?

Well, since the original Jesus mostly verified his identity through scripture, I'd expect this one to do the same.

FELIPE NO

"For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if [it were] possible, they shall deceive the very elect. " Matthew 24:24

"13: For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ.
14: And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.
15: So it is not strange if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds. " 2 Corinthians, chapter 11:13-15

"
9: The coming of the lawless one by the activity of Satan will be with all power and with pretended signs and wonders,
10: and with all wicked deception for those who are to perish, because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.
11: Therefore God sends upon them a strong delusion, to make them believe what is false,
12: so that all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness. " 2 Thessalonians chapter 2:9-12.

So it looks like God did see this sorta deal of the false prophets and such coming up. I'd start to question (to a degree) and look at his hands and feet to see the wounds from the cruxifiction, however this wouldn't be concrete proof, since if such a person were to be able to perform "miracles", it's quite possible that they would alter their body in a way to make a mock injury of these.

I don't think it's so much the questions that will be a litmus test, since if you were to throw bible questions at the individual, they would have already somehow used their supernatural powers to memorize what's in the bible with head knowledge. I'll give this more thought and get back.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Well, the Bible says you can know someone "by their fruits". Basically what that means is that you know them by what they do/accomplish in life. I think if anyone really knew what Jesus was all about, it would be pretty easy to spot him.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

It's true that peoples actions speak louder than words and set the type of fruit to be produced in one's spirit, metaphorically speaking. However, this fake Jesus could have been doing good deeds here and there. Perhaps it's when this individual will do good deeds and the like purely to attract attention then announce that he's God's son that has come down for the second time, then that's where I'd question. If my memory serves me well, Jesus never like to draw big attention to himself, but not to say he didn't like to do public speaking (see talking too and feeding the 4000 and 5000 crowd), but I haven't read in scripture where Jesus will just blurt out "HEY LOOK AT ME, I'M AWESOME! LOOK AT THESE MIRACLES I DO! WOOT!" sorta fashion.

As well, it's noted in the Revelation that quite a few events are prophesized to occur prior to his arrival with the trumpet blast and tribulation. Which exact events to occur, I don't know.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Minion

Well, the Bible says you can know someone "by their fruits". Basically what that means is that you know them by what they do/accomplish in life. I think if anyone really knew what Jesus was all about, it would be pretty easy to spot him.

I don't know, they totally wouldn't expect a black guy.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Based on the specifics of the post, I see no particular reason to address this person. Given what was stated, this individual did not address me nor did he necessarily perform a miracle for me. Hence, I really have nothing to say to him. All I really need to do is watch the splendor happening before me.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Jesus can do anything because he is Jesus. Therefore, I would demand that he pull himself out of his own ass. If he could do so, I would willingly believe.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Then I'd make him turn my glass of lemonade into the best damn tasting rum ever. WIN! I believe!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Eleo

I don't know, they totally wouldn't expect a black guy.

What about an Arab?

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by ComCrimson

I don't care who they are, anyone claiming to be 'Jesus' needs to be locked up in a padded white room.

Even my old high school friend, Jesus Rodriguez?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Lord Styphon

Even my old high school friend, Jesus Rodriguez?

especially him.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The miracles would be impressive, yes, but I don't think I'd believe him. Just because someone can do miracles doesn't necessarily mean they're of God. (The false priests of Pharaoh in Moses' time are a good example of that.) Plus, most if not all of Jesus' miracles were done as an act of compassion or mercy, not as a means of drawing attention to himself. The attention generally came as a side effect because many of those whom he healed or did some miracle for went blazing the matter abroad, even though most of the time he told them not to publicize it. And finally, considering all the prophecies there are to be fulfilled prior to his coming, I'm quite certain that showing miracles out of every orifice imaginable is not the manner in which he would come.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

NO!
He's obviously the ANTICHRIST thats come to bring unity and then turn on us and wreck total DESTRUCTION

I'm serious.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My faith would greatly depend on what orifases (plural of oriface??) these miracles come out of I guess.

Also, why would a miracle (assuming it is a tangible thing capable of squirming from an oriface) have to do so. Couldn't he, if he was Jesus, have a more pleasant way of revealing a miracle?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Walk away slowly while giving him dirty looks? I'd never worship him, he'd be thrown into an insane asylum and if I was caught with him, I'd probably be thrown in as well.

Most amazing jew boots

Pill knows his shit.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Minion

Well, the Bible says you can know someone "by their fruits". Basically what that means is that you know them by what they do/accomplish in life. I think if anyone really knew what Jesus was all about, it would be pretty easy to spot him.

If my spirit doesn't bear witness, forget it. FAKE FAKE FAKE!!!!

FELIPE NO

I don't know if I'd be so easily swayed with your standard issue miracles; like turning water into beer (no, not even that) or curing blindness.

However, if any of these miracles involve a Jesus-like figure roping me a divine three-way with Mary Magdalene and Scarlett Johansson, I'm going to church on Sunday morning and singin' that nigga's praises at the top of my lungs.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?