HEY ASSHOLE, GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD

This should be pretty self-explanatory, what is it about all those fucking morons on the road pisses you off? Is it people who drive too slow or too fast? Turn signal deficient morons? Tailgaters? There's so many to choose from, so let's hear it here.

Oh, and cyclists? Just stay the fuck out of this thread.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

fuck cyclists

Also: fuck sensor lights. There is a time and a place for everything, and for sensors, it's off-hours.

And fuck the guys who hit the brakes to slow down. thanks for making me disregard what you're doing when you brake before every curve and whenever a cop is around, douchebag.

Fuck the douchebags who try to weave in and out of rush hour traffic. Yeah, I have a good laugh when my lane passes you. Still, fuck your shit.

Fuck the wide left turners. You know who you are, you're the ones who nearly hit my car while I'm waiting for my turn.

Fuck grandmas who obey the posted 35 mph speed limit on a five lane road.

And those assholes who sideswipe me because they're too busy picking their noses? Double fuck you. You drive like a woman.

Oh, and my friend says fuck you to all the assholes who brake before merging into freeway traffic. Stop riding the short bus on the short onramp, assholes.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I drive with all 4 windows on my car down all the time so my one pet peeve (aside from a lot of the ones listed already) are dumbfuck pedestrians who get belligerent just because you have your windows down and they are clearly in the wrong.

You know the type, goddamnit! I'm talking about the beached hambeast who walks on the road that is generally reserved for cars and yells out, "PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY, ASSHOLE!" when you drive close enough for your side mirror to slice some bacon off her back because there's no other place you can maneuver your car through... BECAUSE SHE'S TAKING 2/3 OF IT.

Yeah... I hate that cunt. Sometimes I want to hit her as fast as I can to see if she blows up like the Middle-America cattle in Cruisin' USA.

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Originally Posted by Fresh Frank

There's so many to choose from, so let's here it.

People who have severe road rage.

How ya doing, buddy?

I suggest you stay the fuck off the road then. One of them crazy niggas might run you over.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Naw not even. If all they'd do is post a thread on the internet about it, i may just get a severe honking ]:

No but seriously, people who honk like it does anything and then pass you on the other lane and predictably turn their head and look at you are kind of lame. Calm down ~

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

People who come to a complete stop before making a right hand turn into a parking lot or driveway should be dragged into the street and trampled by angry horses.

This is all.

FELIPE NO

Wouldn't a mass of horses and trampling in the streets cause you even MORE trouble though.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Christ. I see myself as a god damn perfect driver in every way, so every Tom-Dick-and-Harry behind the wheel can piss me off given my mood.

My biggest things?
a) People who drive slowly. I was stuck behind someone in residential a few days ago (two lanes, one going each way) and they were READING a god damn book. A 30mph zone resulted in me driving for a couple miles behind a douche going 10mph. To top things off, they MISSED the left turn light at the very end of it when I was about to get in to multiple-lane roads. Fuck these guys.

b) Horn honkers. I've only honked my horn three or four times since I started driving. I only give a soft tap on the horn if somebody is sitting in front of a green light and not budging. Even then, I'll sometimes wait a bit in hopes they notice (usually do). When I was in Houston, you'd think folks were PERCHED on their horn buttons. The instant something goes wrong and HOOOOOOOONK. I get livid about other drivers, but honking just shows you're there in my opinion. If someone cuts me off and almost hits me, honking won't solve the problem. I'm sure they saw me and are just douchebags.

c) Multi-taskers. These guys slowly meander about in the lane. I don't know about ya'll, but I *always* use a blinker when switching lanes. Some folks just don't do it, so whatever. I'll see someone in the lane ahead and to the left slooowwwwly meandering in to my lane. I figure "okay, lane change, whatever." But then they scoot back over in to theirs. It happens repeatedly and makes me uneasy about proceeding forward, lest they hit me

Driver types I hate lean over in to personalities I despise. Horn honking is akin to my hatred of loud assholes. The other two are displays of folks who lack a sense of awareness. They only think about themselves and don't give two shits about anyone else. Know that person who blocked the way in the super market and ignored you all the while? They're probably a slow driver who swerves in lanes often.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Crash Landon

People who come to a complete stop before making a right hand turn into a parking lot or driveway should be dragged into the street and trampled by angry horses.

This is all.

Fucking TRUTH. Here are a few of my favorites that haven't been mentioned yet:

- People who HAUL ASS to cut you off and turn onto the road you're on, and then drive SLOW AS HELL.

- People who drive slow in the LEFT LANE on the highway.

- Anybody in Massachusetts with a valid driver's license.

- People who slam on the brakes when a cop is writing SOMEBODY ELSE a ticket. As if he's going to immediately hop back into his cruiser and chase after you!


This is the absolute worst, though, and it boils down to two words: CURIOSITY DELAY. The ignorant mouth-breathers who hold up traffic for MILES because they take it upon themselves to SLOW DOWN and look at an accident or something else out of the ordinary. This can sometimes be the fault of people causing the curiosity, however. I was once backed up for 5 miles because some prats were on top of a bridge holding up a sign that said "WELCOME HOME FAGGOT" or some other such name. Ugh, I can't tell you how badly I wanted a carpet bombing to occur right around that area.

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Originally Posted by pompadork

Wouldn't a mass of horses and trampling in the streets cause you even MORE trouble though.

In DA WILD WILD WEST (YO), this is kind of a tradition though.

Additional Spam:

Originally Posted by Gechmir

c) Multi-taskers. These guys slowly meander about in the lane. I don't know about ya'll, but I *always* use a blinker when switching lanes. Some folks just don't do it, so whatever. I'll see someone in the lane ahead and to the left slooowwwwly meandering in to my lane. I figure "okay, lane change, whatever." But then they scoot back over in to theirs. It happens repeatedly and makes me uneasy about proceeding forward, lest they hit me

You see Miles?!?! I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS ABOUT YOU!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I like to think of myself as a very safe and conscientious driver, so naturally everyone on the road angers me. The worst is when some old fart is going nearly twenty miles per hour under the speed limit, holding up a huge line of traffic behind them. There's just got to be something psychological behind that. It's probably the same phenomenon that causes people to unload their shopping carts more slowly when they know somebody is waiting for their spot.

The next worst thing is when a driver puts on their blinker to get into a turn lane, but doesn't actually get in to the lane until the VERY LAST SECOND before their turn, forcing everyone behind them to decelerate with them.

I'm also severely peeved by people who, after failing to signal that they are taking a right turn, peel out and turn into the far lane, while others are trying to turn left. People turning right need to turn into the right lane so that people turning left can turn into the left lane. When the right-turning people start speeding up and jostling for position, it just slows down traffic for everyone.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Fuck you people. I have a list the size of Guatemala over here. I live in Massachusetts, so, you know, to be expected.

1.) Shoulders. Use them when you're making a fucking turn.
2.) Making a left turn? PULL AS CLOSE TO THE CENTER LINE AS YOU CAN. You're OBSTRUCTING TRAFFIC.
3.) Use your goddamn signals, you PRICKS.
4.) Just because a slight curve in the road is coming up doesn't mean you need to slam on the brakes.
5.) CONNECTICUT DRIVERS: Get the fuck out of the left lane. (Connecticut drivers ALWAYS seem to think the left lane is the slow lane, what the fuck)
6.) Women: Don't drive SUVs and talk on your phone at the same time. I'll rip your throats out.
7.) Like Sprout says, if a statie already nabbed someone on the side of the road, don't slam on your fucking brakes.
8.) CHECK YOUR MIRRORS BEFORE SWITCHING LANES. You should also LOOK with your EYES, since most cars have fucking blindspots, you morons.
I have actually BEEN in a major accident because some bitch didn't know how to fucking LOOK. Since, I've been almost side-swiped hundreds of times.
9.) Don't get mad at me if I tailgate you in the left lane when you're going 60MPH. There are 3 other lanes open and a trail of vehicles behind me. Get the FUCK out of the left lane.

I could go on and on, but you know.

I've actually seen cops on 91 pulling people over for going under 70 in the left lane, now.

The cops were on the news saying that these drivers infuriate people so bad that the road rage causes serious issues. Better to ticket the assholes not following the rules. I can't tell you how grateful I was to hear this.

Road rage is probably my biggest thing ever. I expect everyone to fucking follow the rules of the road, I guess - not just MAKE THEM UP as they go. I hate inefficiency, and there's a SHITLOAD OF IT on the roads.

And Pom? Don't ever drive down here. If you drive like a moron, your chances of meeting someone in Massachusetts who will literally get out of the car and beat the shit out of you for being an intentional ass on the road is PRETTY FUCKING GOOD.

There's no middle ground here. You're either a rager like me who can actually follow rules, or you're a fuck-up who shouldn't have a license.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I was driving behind a presumably old woman who, while not going particularly fast, was at least going the speed limit, so I felt like I could live with it. Now, I live in Alabama, so keep this in mind.

This big ol' truck with its big tired, a big sticker of Calvin peeing on something and unnecessarily loud exhaust pipes which are certainly not their to impress anyone/compensate for their lack of skill during coitus decides to take to the goddamn turn lane to pass the both of us, around a corner. Meanwhile, his buddy (possibly partner-in-coitus, though they couldn't share that information due to the fear of being fag-dragged behind their own truck) was leaning out the window waving at us to express his excessive manliness.

In summary, I fucking hate anyone with an Alabama driver's license because they all act stupid as fuck.

Also, drivers who are not just scared, but cowardly when driving in the rain. I can understand being scared in torrential downpours, but light sprinkles that even Marry Poppins can still appreciate? Just drive, you fucking twits.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

6.) Women: Don't drive SUVs and talk on your phone at the same time. I'll rip your throats out.

I absolutely hate this shit. On a daily basis I get no fewer than 8 or 9 of these cunts: A stereotypical "soccer mom" who traded their once modestly-sized minivan for the hubristic desire to drive gas-guzzling fuck-you-mobiles while talking on their cell phones and drinking their grande enema latte. Then they get INDIGNANTLY LIVID when you honk your horn at them because they are straddling two lanes with their fucking tank traveling 20 on a 35, which, (hey) wouldn't happen if they were paying attention to the road. Fuck you, bitch! Either get off the road or get off the planet; I'm not giving a third choice here.

FELIPE NO

I also get mad at folks who start off behind you, only to speed up, pass you, JUST to make a turn from the lane they started in. They could've sat behind you, going at your speed, BUT NO. A FEW SECONDS LONGER IS NOT SOMETHING I CAN WASTE.

I can understand passing someone who is going REALLY slow, but passing just to make a turn from that same lane a few moments later strikes me as odd.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Oh a few things, but a big pet peeve of mine can be summed up in one phrase: MIDDLE LANE WANKERS.

I don't know if this is something unique to the UK, but I hate them with a burning passion.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Yeah, OP, you might want to elaborate for us Yankees on that one.

DC traffic is pretty fucking horrible, so let me throw my list out:

1) If I can see the wrinkles on your ugly face you are TOO GODDAMN CLOSE to my car. I don't care if I'm going the same speed as the other car, we're both already 5 miles over the speed limit on a road constantly patrolled by cops, getting on my ass is only going to make me find ways to NOT let you pass.
2) I understand you have superhuman reflexes and are able to accelerate the car .0001 seconds after the light turns green, but please stop honking at me as if your life depended on it when I do not have the same ability.
3) If you are Indian or east Asian and over the age of 50, stop driving. Now. I am tired of seeing drivers at 10 below the speed limit with a strangely vacant smile on their face getting in the way of people who actually know how to drive.
4) Same with asian women of all ages, except replace vacant smile with PERMANENT EXPRESSION OF UTTER FEAR. Seriously, that starts to rub off on ME.
5) If the front of your car is about even with my trunk, and you want to merge over, I'm going to speed up to let you in behind me. This is polite. What's impolite is SPEEDING UP FOR AN ENTIRE MILE TRYING TO GET IN IN FRONT OF ME, DOUCHEBAG.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Mo0

DC traffic is pretty fucking horrible, so let me throw my list out:

1) If I can see the wrinkles on your ugly face you are TOO GODDAMN CLOSE to my car. I don't care if I'm going the same speed as the other car, we're both already 5 miles over the speed limit on a road constantly patrolled by cops, getting on my ass is only going to make me find ways to NOT let you pass.
2) I understand you have superhuman reflexes and are able to accelerate the car .0001 seconds after the light turns green, but please stop honking at me as if your life depended on it when I do not have the same ability.
3) If you are Indian or east Asian and over the age of 50, stop driving. Now. I am tired of seeing drivers at 10 below the speed limit with a strangely vacant smile on their face getting in the way of people who actually know how to drive.
4) Same with asian women of all ages, except replace vacant smile with PERMANENT EXPRESSION OF UTTER FEAR. Seriously, that starts to rub off on ME.
5) If the front of your car is about even with my trunk, and you want to merge over, I'm going to speed up to let you in behind me. This is polite. What's impolite is SPEEDING UP FOR AN ENTIRE MILE TRYING TO GET IN IN FRONT OF ME, DOUCHEBAG.

QFT. More frustrating than N+.

Just gonna also add the general does-not-use-turn-signal complaint. No one uses it, or they decide to turn it on when they're already in the middle of cutting you off. It would also be nice to use it when you're about to make a turn also and I'm behind you to let me know what's up. Even when I'm turning into my driveway, if there's a car behind me I'll signal.

Oh, I also hate when, say, there's 3 lanes to turn left onto a highway, and the car on the left lane starts drifting towards the righter lanes, not going into the lane he's supposed to turn into. I see that pretty much every other day, I'm lucky I haven't been hit yet. The stupid streets of MD/DC/VA have made me a very alert and quick-reactive driver.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Yeah, I have a few:

1. USE THE FUCKING TURN SIGNAL

2. DON'T CHANGE LANES 2 FEET IN FRONT OF ME WITH NO TURN SIGNAL, I.E., DON'T FUCKING CUT ME OFF LIKE A DOUCHE.

3. USE THE FUCKING TURN SIGNAL

4. GET OFF THE FUCKING CELLPHONE AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD

5. DON'T SPEED UP JUST TO TAILGATE ME. I WILL TAP THE BREAKS SEVERAL TIMES IF THAT WILL GET YOU INTO ANOTHER LANE.

*sigh* Okay, I feel better now.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Couple of pet-peeves in my area:

1. Move the fuck up. You're blocking the fucking jug handle.

Turning into my area there's two turning point on a jug handle. Left to go back on to Route 1 or right to turn into the residential area. I'd love to take the fucking right to go home, but then you get this insanely long line of cars trying to take the left to get to more residential areas across the street.

It bothers me that some people have shitloads of room to move up, but their depth perception is fucked, so they think they're too close to the other car, when in reality, you have MORE than enough room to move up and give way to the empty lane to your right. Pisses me off every time that happens since the stop light on Route 1 likes to be obnoxiously long.

2. I've given you more than enough room to pull out of your fucking spot. Quit bitching at me.

Not generally a road thing, but shit in the parking lot is equally as annoying. In a rather crude drawing, here's what I bitch about:



It annoys me, with a burning passion, pull out of a parking spot as illustrated on the left. Especially when there's no one else around.

3. And I'll agree with DN, Use the fucking turn signal.

I especially hate it when people don't use it in advanced and decide to use it the moment they turn or switch lanes. GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE. I CAN'T FUCKING READ MINDS.

How ya doing, buddy?

I pretty much despise people who slow way the fuck down for a merge.

95 to route 2 is an issue like that. People on route 2 are usually going 65-80 in the right. I don't need some jackass in front of mr slowing down to 25 before the on-ramp. You need some kind of velocity there. And if there's room, sure as hell I'll cut over to the left, speed up and cut back to the right to get around your slow ass.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Just a while ago when I was taking my mom to the doctor I saw another of my driver peeves: People (usually driving something "large and in charge") who cut through corner gas stations at top speed to avoid waiting for their opportunity to make a right turn. Just once I wish they would blow a tire right as they bump the sidewalk, lose control of their bathtub-on-wheels and subsequently veer into one of the pumps to cause a glorious apocalyptic explosion that burns them alive while trapped inside their Hummer.

No seriously... I really do wish that upon every last one of those fucks.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Encephalon

Just a while ago when I was taking my mom to the doctor I saw another of my driver peeves: People.

fix'd

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I hate people that seem to be oblivous to what's going on around them on the road. Some examples...

1. When at an intersection I don't have a stop sign, but someone else does and either forces me to slam on my breaks or they have to slam on theirs cause they went through a stop sign. Then they proceed to look at me and yell at me like it's my fault that they went through a stop sign. It's a god damn stop sign, obey it before I beat you with it!

2. The exact opposite of the other one. When I have a stop sign and someone else doesn't. They for some reason will stop and yell at me to go. This is primarily old people.

3. Areas where the left turn lane turns green before the straight lanes. So many people are paying attention for the lights for the other directions and assume the minute they turn red, theirs will turn green and drive without actually looking at the light. So they drive straight through a red light and force people who actually had a green light to wait.

4. People who honk at you for not making a right turn on a red light when there is a sign right there that says no turn on red. I'm sure they do it all the time without getting caught, but the one time I did something stupid like that without realizing it I got pulled over. So screw you!

Jam it back in, in the dark.