Thoughts on Marriage

Spawning from the eHarmony thread, I was wondering how many GFFers take marriage seriously?

Do you do it for religious reasons? Do you do it only when you love someone? Is there more to getting married than "just loving someone?" Do you think marriage is taken too lightly these days? Or maybe too heavily? Do you plan on getting married, or is living in sin good enough for you?

What are you views on marriage?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Of course marriage is taken lightly these days. Why do you think people are so quick to divorce each other? I would get married (again for the last time) because I loved the person. I would prefer to get to know the person longer than say two years so we won't be running to Divorce Court.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Of course marriage is taken lightly these days. Why do you think people are so quick to divorce each other? I would get married (again for the last time) because I loved the person. I would prefer to get to know the person longer than say two years so we won't be running to Divorce Court.

I get the impression you've been married before, Miyomi? (If yes, I NEVER knew! =o )

How long do you think it takes to really know the person you're going to marry? I mean, 2 years sounds like a long time, but I guess in reality its not.

Do you ever get to know a person 100%?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Yes, ma'am. I guess my many references to it slipped your mind. ^_^

I think what I meant by two years was that was the minimum I'd be willing to say "hey, let's start thinking about marriage", but knowing me, it'll probably be longer than that.

I don't believe you ever get to know a person 100%. I've heard various people in my family say this a lot. One lady in particular who's been married 41 years says she still learns things about her husband everyday.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I got married mainly for religious reasons. I mean, I love my husband, but the reason I married him instead of just shacking up with him is because of my religious beliefs.

If I didn't believe in the institution of marriage as an aspect of my religion, I'd probably still believe in the idea behind it since it "locks you in" much more than just deciding to be with another person. I think that once you commit to someone, it should be a pain in the ass to separate yourself from them if things don't work out. A lot of people are just too impulsive (me, for instance), and it would be all too easy to just go flitting from one person to another, which definitely goes against what God intended.

On another subject, I don't think a person can EVER know another person 100%. People are just waaaayyy too complex. My husband and I will be married for 11 years in May, and I am STILL learning things about him, and he sure as heck doesn't know everything about me.

How ya doing, buddy?

I definitely take marriage seriously.

I think it's one of the last opportunities you have to prove to yourself that you don't "suck at life." Even with the US divorce rate skyrocketing, I feel getting married is the most mature decision you can make in life. That, along with having children with the person you married and love.

I've met a lot of people who don't take marriage seriously and I feel pretty sorry for them. For me, marriage means that I'll spend the rest of my life almost in sheer bliss. Sure, there's plenty of ups and downs to be expected. However, marraige is the most serious commitment one can make and I feel it's important that you truly believe "'til death do us part." It's a powerful statement, but only if you've experienced its meaning. If it's going to be any less than that I'd rather not waste my time.

You may never get to know a person 100%, but I think marraige is one way of saying that you're willing to invest the time in the impossible.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Do you agree there's expections to the "til death do us part"?

FELIPE NO

My girlfriend has pushed, pulled and threatened me in efforts to get me to marry her, yet, I'm not married to her and I'm not planning to any time soon. My reason? I'm not in love with her and I don't trust her. (She's really impulsive.)

Obviously, I take marriage seriously.

Quote:

On another subject, I don't think a person can EVER know another person 100%. People are just waaaayyy too complex. My husband and I will be married for 11 years in May, and I am STILL learning things about him, and he sure as heck doesn't know everything about me.

To add to this, I gotta say that people also grow and change thru-out their life. The more you learn about them, the more changes you see.

This also is part of why marriages end. One person will change (sometimes dramatically) and the other person may not know how to handle that change.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by eks

To add to this, I gotta say that people also grow and change thru-out their life. The more you learn about them, the more changes you see.

This also is part of why marriages end. One person will change (sometimes dramatically) and the other person may not know how to handle that change.

That is so true. I believe that's why people shouldn't get married until they're at least in their late twenties. It seems like we do most of our drastic changing before we're 30. After that, we continue to change, but not so dramatically and quickly.

You marry someone at 18 and you run the very high risk that they (and you) will end up being completely different people at age 30. People who in all likelihood will not be as compatible as they were in their late teens/early twenties.

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Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Do you agree there's expections to the "til death do us part"?

I do indeed! I think it's a very serious promise. One that means you'll remain equal for the rest of your lives. The only real way of making good on that promise is by experiencing the loss of your counterpart.

Originally Posted by eks

I'm not married to her and I'm not planning to any time soon. My reason? I'm not in love with her and I don't trust her. (She's really impulsive.)
Obviously, I take marriage seriously.

Those are two valid reasons not to marry her. Many people aren't perceptive enough to realize what their own emotions are telling them. Others just don't give a damn..

A coworker admitted today that she had no idea her husband was Irish, despite being married for 7 years. I can't even begin to explain what's wrong with that!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Plarom

I do indeed! I think it's a very serious promise. One that means you'll remain equal for the rest of your lives. The only real way of making good on that promise is by experiencing the loss of your counterpart.

Um, that wasn't really what I meant, but OK. I mean, if the other person becomes a danger to you, are you suppose to stay with that person 'til death do you part'?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I used to think that I might get married one day. Then I spent about a year in a relationship with someone, which is my longest relationship yet. That convinced me otherwise. We both changed so much, in that time... it just showed me that as people, we are constantly changing, and I don't think I could ever be sure that I'd be happy with one person for ever.

I guess that other people's experiences could well be different, but for me, I know that I'm not going to stay the same for the rest of my life. That means that I'll want different things in a few years. That makes it very hard to select a partner for life.

In the case of my ex-girlfriend, when the time came for us to split up, I was still very much in love with her. I'm pretty sure she was still in love with me too, but we had grown apart. It's not like I'm young, and still trying to find myself in the world - I'm a grown man, but I just don't stay the same, in terms of what I want, and what I want to do, for that long...

I'll never promise anyone that I can be with them forever. Instead, I'll tell them that I'm here now. That's all I can ever promise.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Um, that wasn't really what I meant, but OK. I mean, if the other person becomes a danger to you, are you suppose to stay with that person 'til death do you part'?

Ah, gotcha. If the person you're with turns against you, that's instantly a reason to end the all facets of that relationship. It was obviously a wrong choice, and the other person obviously didn't respect the promise.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Yeah, that's what I was talking about. I know of some people that were so in love and committed to their vows and stuff. Then the husband starts threatening and beating the wife and kids and stuff. Under those circumstances, there should be no 'til death do us part' because that means you're waiting for the other person to kill you.

I'm taking marriage seriously now because I won't have a repeat of what happened before.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'm not religious so I don't really care about that whole context of it. I want a marriage because I'm a hopeless romantic and want to spend my life with the person I love. Whether or not I'll find that guy is something else entirely but I have all these sick fantasies of settling down in the 'burbs with a loving husband and kids and drive a huge car around and go to the park for picnics and ice cream. I'll be damned to say I believe that'll happen but it's nice to dream. I'm too domestic, I want stability in a relationship I know (or at least think) will last the rest of my life and to take care of someone, my kids and my significant other. Betty Friedan probably hates me for it but I don't see much of a problem with dedicating my life to my home, as long as the people I take care of aren't ungrateful snots.

I only want to get married once, not that I don't believe in divorce but when I get married, I want to know that it's right and that it'll last, for better and for worst. That's why if I ever find my husband cheating on me, I'll sooner cut his balls off.

FELIPE NO

Two words define marriage to me: Business Agreement.

I used to think highly of it, then I started looking at it objectively. That part of me died.

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Post ed by Lady Miyomi
I'm taking marriage seriously now because I won't have a repeat of what happened before.

Somebody get Lurker in here. I had a big argument with her a while back over the issue of spousal abuse. She seemed to think it was impractical to expect someone to spend a long period of time getting to know someone, to glean out any potential wife-beating tendancies before rushing off to the altar.

You might not be able to learn everything about someone just through dating, but you really have to give the relationship time to settle in, and the infatuation to wear off so you can appraise the situation objectively. Love tends to delude people into thinking marriage somehow changes things.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Somebody get Lurker in here. I had a big argument with her a while back over the issue of spousal abuse. She seemed to think it was impractical to expect someone to spend a long period of time getting to know someone, to glean out any potential wife-beating tendancies before rushing off to the altar.

You might not be able to learn everything about someone just through dating, but you really have to give the relationship time to settle in, and the infatuation to wear off so you can appraise the situation objectively. Love tends to delude people into thinking marriage somehow changes things.

It wasn't me that stuff happened to, it was something entirely different that caused mines to go down the tube...

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Quote:

You might not be able to learn everything about someone just through dating, but you really have to give the relationship time to settle in, and the infatuation to wear off so you can appraise the situation objectively. Love tends to delude people into thinking marriage somehow changes things.

Yar i agree with that. That's why i only go into a relationship when i think that the other person is a potential life companion. I'll most probably date the guy for a few years before considering marriage (depends on whether we can lead a comfortable life). By then, I believe you will have known more or less the other person is currently.

I prefer stability too. N a life partner who is also my best friend.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Somebody get Lurker in here. I had a big argument with her a while back over the issue of spousal abuse. She seemed to think it was impractical to expect someone to spend a long period of time getting to know someone, to glean out any potential wife-beating tendancies before rushing off to the altar.

What? Seriously?

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You might not be able to learn everything about someone just through dating, but you really have to give the relationship time to settle in, and the infatuation to wear off so you can appraise the situation objectively. Love tends to delude people into thinking marriage somehow changes things.

They say that living with a person before getting married is one of the great tests of any relationship.

The infatuation period wears off really quick when you have to live together, deal with each other's annoying habits, clean up after each other, work with each other schedules, WHILE being exposed to one another ofr prolonged periods of time, paying the bills together, chosing options for the HOME together - there are so many factors to play with when you live together, it seems like it WOULD be a great test.

And yea, I am of the opinion that marriage changes very little but your tax return. ^_^

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I guess asking how seriously you take marriage is like asking how cynical you are about human nature.

I'd like to think that given my patience and desire for certainty in life decisions will help me when it comes to choosing a mate. I take relationships very seriously, so marriage is really to kind of cement the deal, as well as the added bonus of making it easier for both of us financially.

But a question that follows, I think, is whether you will ask your significant other for a prenuptual agreement. I personally think I might, but saying that now, before I've even met the person I'd like to be with probably doesn't mean much.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I think to even approach a subject like marriage one has to figure out the individual's definition of it. For me it was just that extra step in my relationship that allowed my wife to come in under my wing per se when it came to medical insurance and that in the event something ever did happen to me that there would not be a big ordeal about who got what benefits. There was no religious undertones to it at all... in fact I handwrote our ceremony that excluded any mention of any religious dieties... and I had to figure out a way to work the consumption of alcohol into the ceremony...

For me (and my wife I guess)... I was not expecting any huge life-altering changes once I was married. Same old routine that we had been doing for the previous two years... just we now shared the same last name and we both wore a piece of jewelry on our ring finger.
There have been some trying times... but that is expected in a relationship. We get through it and move on... and oddly our friends seem to think we have the most perfect relationship that they have ever seen... but I think it's more because we allow each other to be ourselves. We don't conform to any set ideals... and we are strong in our personal convictions of no children (we discuss it once a year and come to a decision for that year... we will do this until I turn 35 and then the final decision is made) and aren't going to be pressured by other married couples or family members to pop out some kids just to carry on the family name.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I was at a wedding last summer and I was shocked. I was never at a full-service Catholic wedding (or even a Catholic church for that matter). It was amazing that it starts off with preaching, etc etc, and then the Bishop or whatever the hell he was says "And now, we interrupt this service to join these two together in marriage." It's like "Oh shit, that's right, this is for a wedding... it almost slipped my mind!" So they did the wedding part of it, which was about 1/4th of the service at most, and then they had communion in which they so gently refuse to give it to ANYONE except fellow Catholics. I was tempted to go up and get some crackers and act like cookie monster, stuffing them in my face ARRUMM ARUUMM ARRUMM C IS FOR COOKIE! But I restrained myself, the service ended, and I rejoiced in the Lord for not being Catholic.

FELIPE NO

I've been married before. I took the marriage seriously--he didn't. So, yes, I'm divorced. Seems a lot of the men where I live don't take marriage seriously--theirs or anyone else's--for that matter.

So, instead of even trying, I'm planning on remaining single the rest of my life.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Spawning from the eHarmony thread, I was wondering how many GFFers take marriage seriously?

Are you proposing, Sassacrass? Because the answer is a solid "I'll think about it."

Seriously though, marriage is fine in concept. I have a polygamous relationship, so the only thing marriage means to me is tax rebates. I don't think religion gets a monopoly on this anymore. Not with all those Shin-esque fags running around and getting hitched.

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