Dependence and Independence.

I'm 20, living at home, and still don't really have any idea about what I want to do with my life just yet.

Everyone's upbringing is different, but there is an extreme danger of generalising when it comes to expressing one's opinions about when it's the right time to leave home or 'acheiving one's independence', as it were.

After one of my friends got into a whiny angsty teen emo rant about her family not caring or loving her and how she wants to move out because they don't let her do whatever she wants, I told her to calm down and that moving out isn't going to solve everything, and that she should start thinking about her own situation before blaming everything on her family.
She's 16.

Someone praised her for wanting to move out, and said that it's a liberating experience. He moved out when she was 16, did whatever he wanted in terms of social life, studied hard and earned his own money, and as far as I can tell, is doing quite well now that he's in his 20s.
However, he told me off because I was still living at home.

Independence is greatly desired by everyone; Being able to support oneself IS something that's respected and praiseworthy. But there are people who just can't do so, either because of financial difficulty or because they're just not ready.
I don't find my situation to be too bad. But it's a bit much to be told off by someone just cause I'm still living at home and told my friend to think things over before making rash decisions for her 'independence'.

Being thrust out into the 'real world' when you're not ready is pretty daunting and downright scary, and there are some people who can make it, and some people who can't.
But is there a negative stigma attached to you automatically if you're still living at home and you're grown up?
Has anyone felt 'held back' because they still live with their parents?
Anyone feel as if they're not ready to move out yet?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Oh yeah, there is a definite stigmatism to those who stay at home when they are at their 20s+. Rather they are percieved as antisocial, or unstable figures who cannot obtain for themselves financial security within an occupation (probably because they didn't go to college or didn't make use of what they did with their education). Unfortunately I have a stigmatism against them but it seems rather unfair for parents to continue to support their children at the age they have the ability to support themselves. Rather maybe move out and live with friends, or such and possibly participate in the exciting aspects of life such as Marriage, Family raising, work, etc.... It seems that if you live with your parents, some people with this stigmatism (like myself unfortunately) may percieve such people who live with their parents to be juvenille and irresponsible. Also it may appear that such people are fixated in a certain stage, hence if they are unable to support themselves how are they to be able to survive? Utter dependency on a parent is inappropiate at such an age but of course...some dependency is healthy (just not specified to JUST the parents).

Of course, this is just my perspective (I am not bashing anyone who is still staying at home). I myself am an adult (18 woo)...who highly anticipates college and the "experimenting" of living beyond the realm of the parents and setting boundaries for myself. Of course I will still continue to write to my parents or visit them, but I want to prove to them that I can exceed like they did.

(Again not bashing anyone, just stating my perspective T-T. I think you guys are valid people too XD)

How ya doing, buddy?

Moving out of home when you go to Uni isn't that big of a thing in Australia.
Here in Sydney, we're so used to living in such a big city that travelling an hour (or two) to get to places becomes pretty standard.

I only know 2 people my age who have moved out of home. Everyone else still lives at home, and that's pretty normal.

How ya doing, buddy?

Fuck 'em. When you're making millions in ten years, you can spit in the eyes of those pompous "independent" people who gave you shit, and are still working at McDonald's to support themselves.

Independence is a state of mind, not a way to make yourself feel superior.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Wow good point, it also depends on the culture. US is really big on people moving out and making "something" of themselves.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I am 25 and I still live at home. With all of my financial obligations, it would be difficult to move out, but that is not the reason I remain here. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease and the care my mother provides alone is not sufficient as she needs to work to pay all the necessary bills. I act as my grandmother's caretaker while my mother is at work. By the time she comes home, I am off to my job.

By sharing the burden with her, my grandmother is cared for pretty much around the clock. I really would like to move out, but with two sibling away at school and one in the Marines, I feel I cannot do otherwise than help my family in this way while my grandmother is still alive.

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i'll try not to depend, but if i can't afford it, i can't help it.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by coeccias

I am 25 and I still live at home. With all of my financial obligations, it would be difficult to move out, but that is not the reason I remain here. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease and the care my mother provides alone is not sufficient as she needs to work to pay all the necessary bills. I act as my grandmother's caretaker while my mother is at work. By the time she comes home, I am off to my job.

By sharing the burden with her, my grandmother is cared for pretty much around the clock. I really would like to move out, but with two sibling away at school and one in the Marines, I feel I cannot do otherwise than help my family in this way while my grandmother is still alive.

Wow that is really noble of you, that does exhibit responsibility concerning the quandries at the home. What a tough situation to be in

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I believe that there are many facets are dependence, and a person who thinks that they're ready to live on their own really might not be ready in all respects. For instance, a person who has a job and is able to pay the bills be still relies heavily on their family support system might not be ready to be own their own emotionally.

However, no one's ever completely ready to be independent before they leave the nest. Any one who's moved out to live on their own can attest to how much they had to learn and cope during their experiences. So at some point, I think that most who are still attached to the environment they grew up in should be pushed out on their own -- much like birds are pushed out of their nests and forced to fly.

Then again, everyone has their different situations, so it's inappropriate to judge another. Still, I'd like to think that this at a certain age, unless under dire circumstances, one should be (at the very least) making strides to live on their own.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I am 24 and I live at home with my Dad.

I've lived a distance from him in my own place for years. When I lived with Pang.

But you know, living on your own isn't HALF as great as it's made out to be. It's incredibly expensive, drains your bank account, is annoying to deal with, and AWFULLY LONELY if you're there by yourself.

While it's nice to have had Pang with me when I was in Worcester, there just wasn't enough money coming in to keep up with the cost of living.

Frankly, living at home is so much more economical, it's not even fucking funny. You can save up the majority of your money and bank for buying something instead of fucking RENTING.

Let me tell you. Rent is the biggest scam EVER.

I am also an extremely family-oriented woman, and I love the company of my family. People to discuss things with, go to dinner with if you get bored, et cetera. I can LIVE with my father. I really don't want to kill him or anything.

And we lead our separate lives. So theres no conflict whatsoever. I help him, he helps me.

How ya doing, buddy?

22 and live at home. My sister moved out only this past September days before getting married at 25, so that's my "statuts of limitations" in my mind. Though, since I'm school-bound, it's possible I may stay for some time longer.

I would move out now (I could probably afford it...), but the prospect of being alone, like Sass said, is not appealing. Not that I'm social with my parents or unsocial in general (that depends on your point-of-view), but I'm at a point where being by myself just isn't going to work for me. On that note, my one friend has a girlfriend that he already lives with and wants to move out of her house with, so I have little option.

There's a balanced opinion on whether you should get out of your parents' house: on the one hand, you don't want to break the bank, especially if you're school-bound; on the other hand, it's normally social suicide (at least with the opposite sex, but see next sentence). However, it's not so suicidal if you and your girl/boyfriend live at home (as was the case with my sister and her husband). At least I can use school as an excuse for staying home...

My uncle is another example. He stayed with my grandparents well into his 30s and had several girlfriends before moving out once he got married.

Quote:

Has anyone felt 'held back' because they still live with their parents?
Anyone feel as if they're not ready to move out yet?

1.) That entirely depends on who you're talking to. Members of the opposite sex are the biggest skeptics of people who still live at home. (Note: I don't live in the basement; I live on the top floor! ) Myself...I haven't had my living status as part of many conversations and the only time I've talked to someone of the opposite sex about that, it was Erin and she lives at home too (and is more or less in the same boat as me, though she has a wide selection of friends to choose from...she's just very attached to her mother...scary attached).)
2.) Like I said, I could move out, but only on the condition that I'd be moving in with someone I knew and trusted and respected (one person ) and that I could afford it. My friend and his girlfriend had an apartment for a while and spent all their money and threw themselves into a little bit of debt. That's unappealing...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I've been speculating at this as well since I can now literally move out of my home and live wherever. At first it appealed to me that I can live my own life and not get hardships or the mythos of "I'll do just fine" sticks to mind but soon realized that I couldn't live outside these 4 walls with my folks because I have no idea what I will do once I set foot outside or get a good job for expenses and so on.

I'll just stay with my folks for now because right now I have no clear idea where I'm going at my current situation (not enough money and no achievable goal in sight as well).

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've known 40 year olds who have lived with their parents, saved up THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of dollars, and went right out when he was around 40, bought his custom built home with custom EVERYTHING and has since married.

Proof that spending all your goddamned money on rent isn't always the best choice.

I suppose if you can't live with the rules of your parents home, I can see the reason for moving out. Or perhaps if you have a lot of conflict with your folks.

I got the hell out of my home as soon as I could when I was a kid. I worked all through high school and managed to save a good chunk of change. I bought a car and split all the rent costs and bills with a roommate I went to high school with.

Turned out to be a big mistake. She ended up ditching me halfway through the lease to head out to Emerson, leaving me with all of the rent to pay.

She was technically LEGALLY supposed to find another occupant for the lease. She did. It was some homeless kid who lived essentially down at the JavaHutt a block away and crashed with friends constantly.

She never got him put onto the lease. He never paid his rent. In FACT, once, he woke me up, telling me he needed $5 to get gas to go beg his parents for money for rent.

I was speaking idiomatically.

It's a very asian thing to still live at home until you're married or soemthing.
I'm sure it happens with other people, but since I'm asian...lolol.

A lot of my older cousins are still at home.
And some of my uncles on my mum's side over in San Francisco still live with my grandparents. One of them is even married with two kids, and they all live there.
The only person who ever moved out before they were married was my aunt.

The thing with my friend being all ansgty about her independence is because she had one small taste of it when she went to Japan on an exchange back in December/January.
Her parents weren't there, and since she's come back to Australia, she's been talking about moving to Japan permanently straight after school, and dragging her poor boyfriend with her as well.

THAT's a very rash decision, but she's so adamant about it.

And even though he's a very pussywhipped kinda guy, even HE is starting to get annoyed at her about it and speaking up to her about it hahaha.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by coeccias

I am 25 and I still live at home. With all of my financial obligations, it would be difficult to move out, but that is not the reason I remain here. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease and the care my mother provides alone is not sufficient as she needs to work to pay all the necessary bills. I act as my grandmother's caretaker while my mother is at work. By the time she comes home, I am off to my job.

By sharing the burden with her, my grandmother is cared for pretty much around the clock. I really would like to move out, but with two sibling away at school and one in the Marines, I feel I cannot do otherwise than help my family in this way while my grandmother is still alive.

I always knew you were that kind of person. <3

FELIPE NO