I can't be alone in this.

I don't like passive people, either as friends or as a boyfriend. I used to tolerate it but I really don't anymore.

Does anyone here honestly prefer passive people? And as a bonus question, are you creepy and controlling, or a white knight in desperate need for your very own damsel in distress?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

That all depends on what your definition of "passive" is.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm as white a knight as they come. And Lurker, I couldn't help but notice how distressed you are about this whole passive thing.

::sirvg::

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I made this thread after reading the one about shy guys. That and Fydor's lonely replies in particular made me think of this, so that's why it seems like a 'thing' now.

Anyway, by passive I mean just that, Enceph. I guess in matters of degrees, they never voice what they want to eat for dinner or go out and watch, and you find out much later that they were always annoyed by something you did and wouldn't tell you yourself. That sort of level of passive.

I know a lot of people can work around that sort of thing, but that's not what I'm asking about. Does anyone (who isn't a manipulative fuck) actively seek that sort of thing?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Oh I see how it is! Unless I post in plaid you just ignore me!

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by a lurker

Anyway, by passive I mean just that, Enceph. I guess in matters of degrees, they never voice what they want to eat for dinner or go out and watch, and you find out much later that they were always annoyed by something you did and wouldn't tell you yourself. That sort of level of passive.

Well, I've always kind of been of the belief that compromises are part of relationships. Having said that, I don't necessarily think that being a pussy (and being over passive basically translates to just that) is a way to compromise. On the flipside, I find that manipulative cocksuckers are of the lowest echelon of evolution and rank slightly higher than amoeba but lower than jackals.

So to answer your question, I don't necessarily like passive people, but I do have friends who are, I think, overly passive. However, these are generally the friends I hang out with sparingly and avoid more often than not for the sole reason that their passive nature consequentially turns them into emo whiny bitches who usually want your advice to reconstruct their frail lives and goddamnit... I'm not a shrink.

I listen. I don't reconstruct.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I think that in every relationship (and not just romantic ones) someone has to be more passive than the other. Otherwise you'd end up butting heads and arguing all the time. That said, I really can't stand overly passive people. First of all, it's boring to be around someone who will agree with you no matter what you say or do. Secondly, apologizing/agreeing constantly/accepting anything another person says without question is a sign of someone who probably doesn't like himself/herself very much, which I really hate. I used to pity people like that; now I want to smack them around and yell, "Respect yourself, damnit!"

So no, you are not alone.

FELIPE NO

I find passive people to be very annoying in that they don't take the majority of things in life seriously whatsoever. They see way too many things as a joke - and frustrating to talk to about anything. I don't like to work with passive people either.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

This colour thing has got to stop.

But yeah, passive people are annoying.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Shy people/ quite people piss me off - that goes under passive category..doesn't it?

Especially at cadets b/c the F/sgt always spends half an hour trying to get them to yell. Here's the deal: at cadets - you yell. You yell out everything: when you're talking, when you're calling out time in drill. But some people just don't and we get held up for half an hour standing at attention b/c some incompetent little twit can't yell "Permission to fall in F/Sgt" properly...

At school its pretty bad too - everytime it comes to presentation time they make such a big deal out of it and the teacher gives them excuses to not present or to do a shitty job because they're 'naturally shy'.
Luckily - high school teachers don't give a shit about people's personality and I'm not so bothered anymore...

Nowaday I just laugh them when they screw up - I mean come on - your'e in Grade 11 get over yourself and get off your ass...
Doing a fucking presentation won't kill you...
..or will it?

Most amazing jew boots

This whole thread is kind of stupid because I don't think I've ever met someone who is that shy and older than 5.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I usually think about it as, "passivity is a by-product of something else." Lack of confidence, etc. For instance, I'm a pretty passive person most of the time, but when I'm really comfortable with the company or the subject at hand, I tend to speak up. Perhaps it's because I'm "shy" myself.

Also, it just doesn't work when there are too many aggressive people, too many leaders. Someone has to fall back for there to be order. I tend to be the person who does that in the group setting, or even in a personal relationships with a partner or friend. Sometimes (but not all the time) it's better to let go and avoid conflict, y'know?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by a lurker

I don't like passive people, either as friends or as a boyfriend. I used to tolerate it but I really don't anymore.

Does anyone here honestly prefer passive people? And as a bonus question, are you creepy and controlling, or a white knight in desperate need for your very own damsel in distress?

I don't like overly passive people who can't help themselves. I like to be needed, but not to the point where I am needed CONSTANTLY.

I like a happy give-and-take kind of friendship/relationship, but I don't ALWAYS want to be the leader. Although I do enjoy it most the time, it gets exhausting being in charge all the time, making decisions for everyone, pulling the plan together.

Unfortunately, I've always fell naturally into that role - and if I don't, I don't enjoy being in the position that doesn't offer leader benefits.

But yea, I don't like people who can't form a solid opinion or has no official say. I like people to soeak up for themselves.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Christ, people. You don't have to post in the same color as your theme. #262f55 does not show up well on a navy background, Lurker.

Quote:

Posted by Minion
This whole thread is kind of stupid because I don't think I've ever met someone who is that shy and older than 5.

You've never met my mom. She drives me nuts, playing the silent martyr. I've gotten to where I tell her point blank to quit with the passive-aggressive bullshit, and to just come right out and SAY what she wants. I mean, she actually did my little brother's homework to try and get him to pass, rather than discipline him. Worse, my dad's gotten to be the same way.

I despise passive people. They don't stick up for themselves and let everyone just roll over them, and then have the nerve to mope about it. If I've learned nothing else from my parents, it's that being a doormat is no way to live. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with such a person. I'd have to dump them, as mean as it would feel. I just wouldn't be able to stand it. Grow a fucking spine.

Most amazing jew boots

I'm not sassafrass-assertive/opinionated but I'm not sillylittlebitch-passive-whineaboutotherpeople'sdecisionsbecauseiwastoosiss ytomakeadecisionmyself either. I'm somewhere in the middle, which is not a bad place to be I suppose. Some people have mistaken me for being a passive person, but in reality, I just don't really give two damns about a lot of things, like where we should eat. If someone tries to make a decision that I do not approve, I voice my disapproval, not whine about it later.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by a lurker

I made this thread after reading the one about shy guys. That and Fydor's lonely replies in particular made me think of this, so that's why it seems like a 'thing' now.

Actually, I was mostly goofing off, and/or taking the examples to the extreme; although there was definitely some truth in my humorous replies. Although I am shy in person, I am not really passive.
My biggest problem however is that I have trouble forming coherent and complete thoughts while in person, because I am so used to communicating in text. I definitely have many instances of "stair-case wit" as well.

I also fear that in some cases where I have been with other people, I have appeared passive because I don't really voice my opinion much. But this is more because I just don't have an opinion(which can often be the case), or don't really care; not beause I don't want to voice my opinion. Apparently wanting to know what someone ELSE wants to do is considered socially odd.

And as for my personal opinion on passive people... they can sometimes get very annoying by how they are. I want to know what they think and I wish they would stop caring so much about how I felt, and let me know how THEY felt.

As for your bonus question, I am neither. I certainly am not the manipulative type, as that is just wrong.

Actually, I have a question for everyone: Is there a difference, in your book, between someone who is apathetic and someone who is passive?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

In my book there is. Apathetic (to me) means you just don't care or are too lazy to have an opinion. Passive means that you fear voicing your opinion or being social because you don't have enough self-confidence to do so.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Passive people are pretty annoying, and are especially noticeable when doing something as simple as choosing a place to go out and eat - they'll refuse to pick a place, or even contribute what they're in the mood for, and then later you'll find out that they really didn't want mexican food that night, boo-hoo. I can't really imagine somebody WANTING to put up with that sort of constant annoyance.

Passive-aggressive is a lot worse, of course, where they milk the guilt for all it's worth and constantly ruin things they don't want to participate in (instead of just saying they don't want to, for Christ's sake, I CANNA' READ YER MIND).

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Fyodor D.

Actually, I have a question for everyone: Is there a difference, in your book, between someone who is apathetic and someone who is passive?

Yes.

Apathetic means you're a lazy jackass who doesn't care to form his own opinion. (I know thats harsh. Sorry. I am bitter.)

Passive means you're just not feeling strong or confident enough to get yourself out there, be heard, and live with the consequences. You probably DO care about whats going on, but you're not confident enough to say something.

Passive is better than apathetic, in my eyes.

How ya doing, buddy?

How do you tell the difference between being cautious and being passive?

Most amazing jew boots

If you're "cautious" to the point that others mistake it for passivity, then you just might be a little too cautious, bordering on pussified.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Well, often times "others" fail to realize how complex a situation is. It could be that confident people are just not very bright on average.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Then there comes the "I'm afraid of what they might think of me if I do this and that, oh noes!". One can say that over assuming stuff is part of the problem too.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Minion

How do you tell the difference between being cautious and being passive?

If you normally order food you like, you're fine. If you only order food a girl would like because you're being "cautious" not to anger her... GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT LOOP!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Fair enough. I'm just saying that our over emphasis on "confidence" (which is usually just a thin veil for arrogance) leads people to act too quickly and with too little thought, just to impress people.

Jam it back in, in the dark.