[General Discussion] Most Retarded Character Moments

Sure, there's been plenty of times when the characters in a game's story have done something that you, the player, wouldn't conceive of doing yourself. Or, more likely, the character does something you find to be just plain stupid, or outside the realm of common sense.

Well now's your time to list those moments of pure idiocy. This isn't a case of "I would never lose to THAT guy" or "I would totally go with that girl instead of the one the hero chose", this is more a case of decisions you thought were just plain stupid, whether by bad writing or because it was required to advance the plot (or most of the time, both). While this thread was originally conceived with RPGs in mind, I felt stupid decisions that are beyond your control are commonplace in every genre.

Remember to mark spoilers.

My number one choice goes to the biggest disappointment of 2006.

Xenosaga: Episode III

It takes some really "special" writing skills to completely ruin nearly 5 years of story development and characterization in one single cutscene.

Spoiler:

Shion, despite learning in advance that her beloved Kevin had been using her from the start for his plans to erase the entire universe, decides to go with him, thereby saying "fuck it" to the world AND to her friends, who have been supporting her throughout the entire saga. It might have been the author's intention to create some controversy with the character, to show that she's human, but because we get little backstory behind Shion and Kevin's relationship (if it was something equivalent to the romance between Fei and Elly, it would've been more justifiable), instead she comes off as a whiny bitch ("none of you understand me!") who stabs all of her friends in the back.

What did it take to change her mind? Allen getting tossed around for an hour, up until he's practically bleeding internally.

Bitch.

Number 2 used to be my top choice until the above happened.

Final Fantasy VI

Spoiler:

Locke, despite being fully aware of Kefka's evil and deceitful nature, actually takes heed of his claims that Celes had been a spy for him all along. Even when Celes begs him to believe her, he actually contemplates whether to take the word of the girl he's traveled with and developed feelings for or the psychotic clown who's been trying to eliminate his group from the start.

So then some time passes, and Locke is trying to apologize to Celes, but she gives him the cold shoulder, understandably so. But when Celes DOES get the courage to start talking to Locke again, he brushes her off, leaving her on her knees in sadness.

Prick.

And finally, for number 3,

Metal Gear Solid (original or Twin Snakes, take your pick)

Spoiler:

Snake's got a gun pointed at Liquid, who had just revealed himself as Master Miller in disguise, and is just a few feet away from entering Metal Gear REX. Instead of, you know, shooting Liquid, he stands there and lets Liquid monologue away.

While it's true that, upon further review, Snake rarely shoots anyone in cutscenes (even when they're shooting back), I always found this particular moment pretty hilarious. Even after Liquid finishes the required conversation to advance the plot, there's a period where he calmly and slowly enters REX, and Snake just keeps pointing the gun without firing, like he was hoping Liquid would stop or something.

SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

How ya doing, buddy?

To be honest, I never quite understood why no one ever used a phoenix down on Aerith. I mean, shit, it's not like all of em in the party knew that she HAD to die in order for her to use Holy. Barret probably had something to do with it.

Cloud/anyone you want besides Barret: Hay guys...she got stabbed...just like we all have time and time again. Some of us even get burned to death, let's use a phoenix down.

Barret: How bout no?

If I have to spoiler that, I'm going to be very, very sad.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Grail

To be honest, I never quite understood why no one ever used a phoenix down on Aerith. I mean, shit, it's not like all of em in the party knew that she HAD to die in order for her to use Holy. Barret probably had something to do with it.

Cloud/anyone you want besides Barret: Hay guys...she got stabbed...just like we all have time and time again. Some of us even get burned to death, let's use a phoenix down.

Barret: How bout no?

If I have to spoiler that, I'm going to be very, very sad.

I would think that it's pretty obvious by now that falling in battle doesn't necessarily mean death for that character, except in certain SRPGs like Fire Emblem. It's generally regarded as a KO unless your entire party gets wiped out.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Adel and Rosalin in the ending of Disgaea 2. It didn't make sense, and then suddenly, hello credits.

Most amazing jew boots

Robert:



Robert:
Everyone:

I was speaking idiomatically.

That Locke suspects Celes doesn't mean he hadn't grown to care about her. It was human nature. I think I would've doubted her too in that situation. But it's not like he ever believed it with any certainty. As for Locke saying "Let's go" on the ship to Thamasa, he didn't do it with any coldness in mind. He looked back and kept going. Why? Because by that point it's understood that each of them was sorry about the circumstances, and that they both had feelings for each other. If you were expecting Locke to go into an obvious monologue about how he misread Celes and how he loves her deeply, you're going to have to look to the hamfisted storytelling of the Sony generation Final Fantasy games instead. With the exception of FFXII, which actually shows some restraint.

1. FFVII

Spoiler:

Cloud goes with Tifa after the game favors Aeris in terms of a romantic link. I've heard all the excuses about Aeris becoming attached the Zack in Cloud, but that doesn't change how their relationship comes off as the honest one whereas Tifa is just a shady bitch from the start. Oh, Cloud, I forgot to tell you I've been lying to you and that Sephiroth is right... Boom, there goes Cloud's mind. Then you discover all about Tifa being the popular whore and Cloud being the loner. And for reasons having nothing to do with a romantic link having been forged, they are forced together after Aeris dies, and all the dreams of every game nerd out there come to life. Oh yeah, Cloud the loser got the popular big-breasted chick, so maybe one day I will too.

2. XG

Spoiler:

OMG, we're all just running away. That much is bad enough, but what's even more overdone is each incarnation of Elly finding ways to die for her love with Fei. By the time we see the original Elly get blasted trying to protect Abel, I couldn't take it seriously anymore. Then Elly finally has sex with Fei and all she can do the morning after is bust out into a preachy monologue about the nature of love, blah, blah. Those two were predestined for each other anyways, and yet the game finds ways to exaggerate their connection, always beating you over the head with things that are already understood.

3. FFVIII

Spoiler:

Holy cow, we all grew up in the same orphanage? Imagine meeting and joining up with each other by chance even though our memories got wiped by a vague mention of GFs sometimes doing that to people over long periods of time. This is probably the lamest plot twist ever. If they thought I would be impressed by the depth of anything, they were very wrong. It just came off as a terribly contrived way of uniting the cast.

4. PSIV

Spoiler:

I remember the ending of Phantasy Star IV being very awkward. Rika says she has to leave and does so before changing her mind and coming back to be with Chaz. It seems like an okay concept, except that the way it happens give me the impression that the writers had no idea how to end the game on a high note, partly due to the fact that Chaz and Rika had never developed that kind of relationship. It seemed rushed, and instead of enjoying it, I found myself thinking, "uh, okay". Not the ending I was expecting for an otherwise solid experience.

5. FFX

Spoiler:

Braska's Final Aeon: "Tidus, I am your father. Search your feelings, you know it to be true." Tidus: "I hate you!" Nuff said.

Forgot one:

6. FFIX

Spoiler:

Zidane's personality had been established from the getgo as a caring and optimistic guy. Yet upon discovering his past, he does an about face and suddenly becomes an ass. Meanwhile everyone sucks up "You Are Not Alone!" with great joy while I find myself wondering why writers do this sometimes. The way Zidane reacts is contradictory to everything we knew about the guy to that point. He goes from wanting to save everyone to, "just forget it" and "leave me alone, fools". The whole sequence was unnecessary.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by SOLDIER

Number 2 used to be my top choice until the above happened.

Final Fantasy VI

Spoiler:

Locke, despite being fully aware of Kefka's evil and deceitful nature, actually takes heed of his claims that Celes had been a spy for him all along. Even when Celes begs him to believe her, he actually contemplates whether to take the word of the girl he's traveled with and developed feelings for or the psychotic clown who's been trying to eliminate his group from the start.

So then some time passes, and Locke is trying to apologize to Celes, but she gives him the cold shoulder, understandably so. But when Celes DOES get the courage to start talking to Locke again, he brushes her off, leaving her on her knees in sadness.

Prick.

Spoiler:

I was under the impression that she had joined them as a spy, and had only begun to question her loyalty after adventuring with them for quite some time. Also, note how the next time you see her after the Magitek Factory, she is working for the Empire again. If she hadn't been a spy, I doubt Kefka and the Emperor would have been so forgiving.

FELIPE NO

Quote:

To be honest, I never quite understood why no one ever used a phoenix down on Aerith. I mean, shit, it's not like all of em in the party knew that she HAD to die in order for her to use Holy. Barret probably had something to do with it.

This has been brought up more times than humanly necessary, and the generally accepted answer is that "Phoenix Down brings you back from NEAR death, not COMPLETE death." Of course you could argue the possibility that Aerith had just a couple seconds of life left to pull this off, but that basically would've ruined the whole pacing of the scene (soon as she dies, Holy is created, yadda yadda).

Quote:

Robert:
Everyone:

Heck, I love that scene. Hilarious how he basically has a conversation with himself, then includes everyone half-way. One of many ackward moments in that game.

Quote:

As for Locke saying "Let's go" on the ship to Thamasa, he didn't do it with any coldness in mind. He looked back and kept going. Why? Because by that point it's understood that each of them was sorry about the circumstances, and that they both had feelings for each other.

Looked pretty cold to me. I always thought he simply didn't want to talk to her at that moment, and I see no evidence that suggests otherwise.

Quote:

1. FFVII

That's all opinion, including the very thing you're complaining about. It also brings up an age old debate I no longer have interest in discussing.

Okay, maybe a little bit.

Spoiler:

Sounds like you're saying that Tifa's too hot for a dork like Cloud. Welcome to the last 20 years of RPGs. And if the big flashback near the end didn't convince you, perhaps the extra backstory they've been feeding you with the latest spinoffs (Last Order, Advent Children, soon Crisis Core) is proof enough. They also confirmed that Aerith did have feelings for Cloud, not "the Zack in Cloud", and was even jealous when she saw that he and Tifa had a thing going.

Quote:

2. XG

The heart-felt I-love-you's and gratuitous sex scene occured before either of them knew about their destiny, so the sentiment still stands. Yes, it was all mushy, but after 50 hours of suffering, I didn't mind the characters finding happiness with each other.

Quote:

3. FFVIII

This one I'll give to you. The revelation itself wasn't too bad, but it ultimately served no point to the story at all.

Quote:

4. PSIV

Didn't play that one, so moving along.

Quote:

5. FFX

Uh, he knew way back that was his father. I thought it was pretty well done myself.

Quote:

6. FFIX

Well, it was a pretty lousy thing to learn about. I would think learning that his life was a lie would hit an optimistic person the hardest. The emo personality only lasted about 10 minutes anyway.

Quote:

I was under the impression that she had joined them as a spy, and had only begun to question her loyalty after adventuring with them for quite some time. Also, note how the next time you see her after the Magitek Factory, she is working for the Empire again. If she hadn't been a spy, I doubt Kefka and the Emperor would have been so forgiving.

It so much that he doubts her, but that he took that particular moment to do it, when he's knee-deep in the enemy's base, soon to be surrounded by guards (which is what happened). "We'll talk about this later, let's get out of here!" would've probably justified the whole moment.

How ya doing, buddy?

I always interpreted the PSIV Rika bit as her not wanting to go back with Wren and Demi to another isolated computer station after having seen the great outdoors. That's what Wren meant when he was talking about her path ahead being hard and painful.

Though the "Rika!" "Chaz!" bit was unintentionally hilarious. Why couldn't I have renamed them Marcia and John? That and Chaz (apparently) crying when Rune said they'd never meet again. I consider many claims of Chaz being a whiny bitch to be a tad overblown, but I'll grant them that one. Especially considering that A. he just survived a battle with the greatest evil in the universe (presumably responsible for half its creation) and B. RUNE WAS A DICK TO YOU ANYWAY, YOU WHINY BITCH.

Most amazing jew boots

Maybe people have some solutions or details for me that I missed. It's been a very long time since I've played these rpgs, but I still remember these moments:

FFX:

Spoiler:

Seymour vs. group. Oh- my- goodness! I hope this isn't just my fading memory, but I don't understand why Yuna sends him off at the very last area of the game, when she had many opportunities to seal him off (eg. Mt. Gagazet being one). Seymour continues to annoy the party by coming back full of wrath, and then the group basically always fights him and is pretty much like: "let's keep going guys!"

FFIX:

Spoiler:

The very strange final moments and ending of the game felt like the biggest "WTF!?" to me. First of all, Kuja who has been the villain throughout the entire game goes Trance (Ok, understandable), but then: "Oh, Necron, source of all despair" or whatever is literally just randomly thrown in as the final boss with no precursory cues. They could have just made "Trance Kuja ultimate/fusion" or something despite being predicatble but the last boss honestly made no sense at all.
Then when Zidane manages to escape the Iifa tree. He explains that he "followed [Dagger's] song". They have come up with several better solutions such as Kuja sacrificing his final energy or whatever, but solely for the climactic point of the play where Zidane is revealed, they put this corny excuse in.

FF VIII:

Spoiler:

I thought it was cool at first at the end of Disc 3, how Fujin talks like a normal person, but it was very awkward. Suddenly, she decides to drop the badass act when she talks to Seifer at that one moment? From that time, she undergoes a total 360 in personality and she even appears happy in the ending.

BoF IV:

Spoiler:

When it is revealed that Ershin is actually a Goddess, the game rubs it in your face by having you learn spells that would be awesome...if you had the mp and high int to use them effectively. This comes out of nowhere, and you'll have spent your time for the majority of the game developing a crap character, who's supposed to be awesome, but isn't. She's also thrown on the backburner pretty much after that revelation. It's just not fair that you have a Goddess on your team for all that time, but the game managed to make her mediocre at best for the whole game.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I find it amusing how many Squaresoft games are being mentioned here.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by SOLDIER

Metal Gear Solid (original or Twin Snakes, take your pick)

Spoiler:

Snake's got a gun pointed at Liquid, who had just revealed himself as Master Miller in disguise, and is just a few feet away from entering Metal Gear REX. Instead of, you know, shooting Liquid, he stands there and lets Liquid monologue away.

While it's true that, upon further review, Snake rarely shoots anyone in cutscenes (even when they're shooting back), I always found this particular moment pretty hilarious. Even after Liquid finishes the required conversation to advance the plot, there's a period where he calmly and slowly enters REX, and Snake just keeps pointing the gun without firing, like he was hoping Liquid would stop or something.

SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

I think Solid Snake was so stunned by the fact that he had a brother and this whole thing was turning into something he wouldn't have believed was the reason why he didn't do anything. Or maybe I am just trying to protect Solid?...

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by SOLDIER

Okay, maybe a little bit.

Spoiler:

Sounds like you're saying that Tifa's too hot for a dork like Cloud. Welcome to the last 20 years of RPGs. And if the big flashback near the end didn't convince you, perhaps the extra backstory they've been feeding you with the latest spinoffs (Last Order, Advent Children, soon Crisis Core) is proof enough. They also confirmed that Aerith did have feelings for Cloud, not "the Zack in Cloud", and was even jealous when she saw that he and Tifa had a thing going.

No, I'm saying that Cloud had a more natural developing relationship with Aeris in the here and now and that they force him to be with Tifa in a way that is not nearly as convincing. And I'm saying that Tifa is shady. She goes along with a lie that nearly destroys Cloud's mind. To protect him? That's what they expect you to believe, but it's convoluted nonsense. There's no logical explanation for why she wouldn't just correct him because she had no idea what was going on in the first place. That's what makes her shady. Then by putting his mind back together a love is established that was never there? It's like Aeris's death was an excuse to suddenly force Cloud and Tifa together. Tifa is a subpar character, period. She exists only as a prop for Cloud's story and has no personality or motivations of her own. Aeris at least had a purpose and at the same time her relationship with Cloud had a nice charm to it all the way to the ride at Gold Saucer. Her simple innocence played well against Cloud's angsty attitude. I can't say the same for Tifa who has virtually no relationship with him aside from the promise flashback and having been there when Sephiroth iced her dad. (which by the way she doesn't seem all that concerned about; you'd think that she might want vengeance the way Cloud did, but being the character she is, it's not evident that she feels all that strongly about anything)

But as you said, that's my opinion, and I know you interpret it differently... However, I still think that my interpretation is more consistent with what is presented in the game.

Originally Posted by SOLDIER

The heart-felt I-love-you's and gratuitous sex scene occured before either of them knew about their destiny, so the sentiment still stands. Yes, it was all mushy, but after 50 hours of suffering, I didn't mind the characters finding happiness with each other.

The "sentiment" stands, but that wasn't my point. My point is that they tried too hard and had no respect for the ability of the player to understand certain things. But then that's the story with a lot of Xenogears. It has a lot of stilted, preachy, and condescending dialog. I enjoy it on a philosophical and historical level, but as far as being moved by emotion, those moments were few and far in-between. Though it was amusing to have Fei call Elly a "snot" in Solaris.

Originally Posted by SOLDIER

Uh, he knew way back that was his father. I thought it was pretty well done myself.

Spoiler:

He didn't know that his father had become part of Sin and that he would have to face him as the final boss. I thought the cliche was lame and the VA for Tidus when he says, "I hate you!" is horrible.

Originally Posted by SOLDIER

Well, it was a pretty lousy thing to learn about. I would think learning that his life was a lie would hit an optimistic person the hardest. The emo personality only lasted about 10 minutes anyway.

Yes, but he knew about it just earlier when he decided that he would fight and only developed the emo personality after waking up from his catatonic state. It's just not consistent with his personality up to that point. It would've been consistent with Vivi's though. And even that whiny guy didn't take his character-related revelation as hard.

As an example of the difference between a drastic decision that is consistent with the established personality of a character and one that is not, look at Terra when she decides not to fight. The whole time everyone had been trying to pull her strings and after the big plot twist she had little reason to resume the battle of her own free will. When she decides to choose to fight of her own volition, that's the completion of her story arc. She finally finds herself seperate of her origins and chooses to fight for something she came to believe in. Zidane had already chosen beforehand to fight for everything he believed in. Even when Garland told him everything, Zidane refused his offer and said that he would defy Garland to the last. Then just as suddenly he gives up and acts like an ass to his friends. I understand the intent, but the event was ill-advised. Zidane didn't need to have a breakdown to be a better character. His strengths as a character had already been defined through the trials he had gone through before that point. And so his reaction to the twist comes off as a terribly contrived piece of melodrama.

Originally Posted by SOLDIER

It so much that he doubts her, but that he took that particular moment to do it, when he's knee-deep in the enemy's base, soon to be surrounded by guards (which is what happened). "We'll talk about this later, let's get out of here!" would've probably justified the whole moment.

I still don't understand why it's so hard for you to accept that Locke would have doubts in that moment. They found themselves surrounded by the enemy and Celes was a former Imperial General who as Cyan mentioned, had "torched" Maranda. Locke didn't know her all that well yet and so when Kefka said that it was all a setup, it seemed a possibility to me. Locke tries to talk to her afterwards because he realizes that he misjudged her character. On the boat, they have more immediate concerns with trying to reach a compromise with the Espers, and so Locke plays it cool.

As for the thought that Celes might've been a spy for real, I believe you can ask Gestahl about that in the banquet and he says no. He says something along the lines of Celes having realized the need for cooperation before anyone else did. Sure, Gestahl is a liar as proved by something that happens later, but Celes proves that she wasn't a spy through her actions as well, so it can be safely assumed that he wasn't lying about that one.

Originally Posted by CelticWhisper

I always interpreted the PSIV Rika bit as her not wanting to go back with Wren and Demi to another isolated computer station after having seen the great outdoors. That's what Wren meant when he was talking about her path ahead being hard and painful.

Though the "Rika!" "Chaz!" bit was unintentionally hilarious. Why couldn't I have renamed them Marcia and John? That and Chaz (apparently) crying when Rune said they'd never meet again. I consider many claims of Chaz being a whiny bitch to be a tad overblown, but I'll grant them that one. Especially considering that A. he just survived a battle with the greatest evil in the universe (presumably responsible for half its creation) and B. RUNE WAS A DICK TO YOU ANYWAY, YOU WHINY BITCH.

Yeah, I gathered as much, but it was definitely handled in a weird way. I'll have to watch it again to go into detail, but I do remember finding it a bit odd, maybe because of what you're saying about "Rika!" "Chaz!" or something.

Chaz was a bit whiny for sure. But then Alys was a tough teacher. Rune was an ass to Chaz, but he's definitely my favorite character in the game. He was blunt, but also honest. When the time came, he gave Chaz the respect as his "chosen one". Plus he has a cool backstory. I guess Rune was the character who as able to surprise me the most, and always in a good or humorous (taunting and arguing with Chaz) way.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I'll never understand why Tidus, in FFX, went for Yuna over Rikku. It boggles the mind.

in Clock Tower 3, the freaking game begins with Alyssa receiving a letter telling her to stay where she is, and be as far away from home as possible. The first thing she does? She goes home, only to get wound up in all the shit that's going on :rollseyes:

I agree with many of the sentiments about FFVIII expressed above.

Spoiler:

the orphanage part really came right out of left feild. Wasn't really used for much, and basically just sperated Rinoa from the rest of the crew. Whatever, i'm a bit of a sucker for story twists, even they have absolutly no purpose.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

LOL, for such a popular series, we sure are nitpicking a lot of details out of it (although rightfully so, some of these things does make you /boggle after a while). Seriously, I wish more hot girls in real life were into emo dudes the way they are in these games (particularly FFVIII, if I recall, Squall was quite emo).

Regarding the Tifa stuff:

Spoiler:

You actually can woo Tifa in the game, through minute ways. But it largely involved ignoring Aeris (that's what the US version called her, that's what I'm going to call her ), and giving more attention to Tifa, like giving Tifa the flower you buy from Aeris, and mentioning her a lot more than Aeris during conversations, so that when it comes time for the Gold Saucer stuff, Tifa joins you instead of Aeris.

But the sucky thing about this is that the storyline is so focused on Aeris that it feels almost tacked on, and Cloud still ultimately treats Tifa like shit for the most part, so you're better off just focusing on Aeris.

I can't think of anything specific atm (that hasn't already been talked about, particularly Final Fantasy stuff), but if I do I'll post it here. Interesting post though, talking about stupid stuff that characters do which seems to defy all logic for no really good reason either, other than to force some storyline to go forward.

FELIPE NO

I couldn't find anything better at the moment, but I remember funny situation from a Tenchu game (dunno if it was the one from PSX or PS2).

There was a mission in some sort of forest. I passed all guards by just running. Everyone in the level spotted me and started to chase me. I reached the boss point and in-game scene was asctivated. Boss started a dramatic monologue while all guards, dogs and bear were peacefully listening. It was so dumb and I laughed pretty much. Just after the end of scene, whole comapny sliced and diced me in seconds.

Oh, another funny thing from Tenchu SA. There was that super tough ninja, Onikage. In the last level, I lured him kilometers from the battle stage just to the river near the beginning. As you remember in Tenchu enemies couldn't swim. So just after he stepped into the water, the scene appeared, showing poor Onikage bleeding very heavily in totally different locations. Very funny stuff.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Oh hell, too many to count.

Star Ocean 3:

Spoiler:

Remember the Matrix movies and that bit with the Architect? Well, near the end of the game you come to find out the entire series, not just this entry, is the creation of God-Entity-X to entertain people in the in-game 'real world'. The aim then becomes to kill said creator and liberate your more-fictional-than-fictional characters from their fate.

Like the man says, it takes special writing to screw up an entire series in one mortally stupid scene.

Xenosaga:

Spoiler:

Shion may just be the stupidest videogame character ever written. What's the first thing everyone knows about robots? They have no emotion. In an early scene KOS-MOS shots a guy in the line of fire rather than bother correcting her trajectory to miss him, and Shion, allegedly the one who designed her and therefore should know some basic truths about robots, becomes infuriated and can't believe she doesn't feel anything from her lethal act. Later on, KOS-MOS helps them escape from danger using a killtastic weapon that Shion, her creator, engineer, and technician, who only hours earlier was performing a full diagnostic test of her combat capabilities, has no clue was even there. You have to be a special kind of stupid to run a full diagnostic test and not notice that someone put in a BELLY CANNON when you weren't looking.

Metal Gear Solid 2:

Spoiler:

I can take the simulation thing. I can take a fat terrorist on rollerblades. I can even take 'living on through this arm!' But why on Earth does Solidus' battle suit have freaking robo-tentacles? That's just a bridge too far.

I'll probably think of more later.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by CelticWhisper

I always interpreted the PSIV Rika bit as her not wanting to go back with Wren and Demi to another isolated computer station after having seen the great outdoors. That's what Wren meant when he was talking about her path ahead being hard and painful.

That's funny...I always thought it was a fatherly pep talk warning Rika of the pain that women experience when they have sex for the first time.


Hmm...let's see...worst video game moments.

Star Ocean: Till the End of Time

Spoiler:

had a GREAT plot going for it. It was absolutely amazing up until the major plot twist when, lo and behold, you find out that your entire universe is merely a video game and everything you've done up until that point has been practically meaningless. I was HIGHLY disappointed considering I was expecting something along the lines of a major galactic war and got something incredibly retarded instead.

FF X - I don't think there was much about this game's plot or voice acting that I actually respected. But I'd say the MOST retarded thing about the game aside from Seemore Butts is the scene where Tidus belts out the most idiotic laugh in order to cheer up Yuna.

HAA HAAA HAAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAA

"wtf mate?"


Oh, and who can forget Magna Carta: Tears of Blood. I thought it was a wonderfully fitting name for the game. During each dialog scene, I would attempt to claw out my eyes until I cried out blood. But the most idiotic part was when

Spoiler:

I was using Calintz's party. I had entered this funky floating city, then proceeded onto a field level where I had to fight my way through...then a cave dungeon inside of a mountain. Then, a pathetic boss fight. I switch to Reith's party and guess what? It's time to do that field and dungeon again! Biggest waste of time in the world! It isn't really a spoiler, but I wanted to spare everyone's sanity.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It always annoys me in rpgs when you finish off a particular boss without breaking a sweat then in the following cutscene they tell you how they let you off easily and escape, only to come back later a bit harder. Almost every rpg is guilty of this at some point. More games need an option whereby if you just took apart the fucker in a couple of rounds you then have the option to properly kill them off and get a new boss later or something. Even a few little script changes based on the battle outcome wouldn't go amiss now and then...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

After Matt Hoffman Pro BMX missions, you do the Tiki Battle. Since when do BMX riders use cannons to kill big live Tiki statues? TELL ME!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I think this counts...

FFVIII

Spoiler:

There's a part where Squall and two other members come across a valve I think it is, and basically Squall would attempt to turn it on his turn *insert button mashing*. If you fail then your party member helps you *insert button mashing*. Failing that, all 3 are trying to turn it *insert button mashing*. Can't understand why they did not all help each other, it's definitely a brain damage moment for this game.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by electric_eye

I think this counts...

FFVIII

Spoiler:

There's a part where Squall and two other members come across a valve I think it is, and basically Squall would attempt to turn it on his turn *insert button mashing*. If you fail then your party member helps you *insert button mashing*. Failing that, all 3 are trying to turn it *insert button mashing*. Can't understand why they did not all help each other, it's definitely a brain damage moment for this game.

I usually got it with Squall alone, so it's more of a punch in the face for players with slow fingers. D;

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'm gonna go ahead and second Sonic-Panda's comments on Star Ocean 3. What a load of crap!

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Kishin

I usually got it with Squall alone, so it's more of a punch in the face for players with slow fingers. D;

Or brain damage.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by pengudeus

That's funny...I always thought it was a fatherly pep talk warning Rika of the pain that women experience when they have sex for the first time.

Wow.

You know, until now Phantasy Star had been a wonderful little exception to Rule 34. Thank you so much for shattering my childlike innocence.

Fuck.

So anyway, my turn?

I'm reminded of Cid's "anyone going up against Shinra is a numbskull" bit in FF7. Maybe not really all that retarded, but it just seemed really, really forced.

Also, I'm normally really forgiving (understatements comin liek wut?) of Atlus titles, but the whole "We're comrades" bit in DDS, from Argilla/Jinana all the way through to the scenes in episode 2 seemed very WTFy to me. If you want to do military philosophy in your game, hire people who can A. translate Japanese properly and B. are willing to write more than 3 paragraphs worth of dialogue. Not all at once, even. Just bite the bullet and have some explanation of exactly what your characters are talking about. Make them seem human, yes? Not just "We're comrades, right? So that means we have to do this thing in this way. Or something."

Jam it back in, in the dark.