What About Classmates?

Ok, so there is this girl who sits across from me. We chat a bit and kid around often in class, commenting and whatnot.

I am thinking about asking her if she would like to go out for coffee or something sometime. But I am worried that I will get the response I have a boyfriend or something... What would I say then?

When do you think would be the best time asking her for coffee? Or should I wait and get to know her more before class starts. We have class at 3 hours a week, meeting twice a week.

I probably shouldn't feel nervous about it... but like I said in the other thread, I seem to be having trouble lately about approaching women... Grrr.... pisses me off actually.

So what do you suggest? Have you ever experienced a similar situation?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Ask her for coffee anyway. The next time you two leave class, say "Hey, you wan't to go get a cup of coffee or a hot cocolate?".

Going out for coffee isn't exactly like proposing marriage...you don't need to 'build up' to asking out for coffee. Asking someone out for coffee is the way you get to know them in the first place--you get them out of the class environment into a place where you can sit, enjoy a hot beverage, and actually talk about each other.

If she's got a boyfriend, then you still get to have a coffee with someone you like to chat with. If it turns out she hates your guts, then oh well. If she's single and you discover that she has an actual interest in you, then you're a winner.

You sit and worry about rejection, and then don't act. Get resolved to the fact that you will be rejected by people, tell yourself 'Well, that's their problem and their loss', and move on. Inaction can be worse than action and failure.

And remember, its just coffee.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I was in a very similar situation with a coworker/dancer at my old stagecrew job. I fucked it all up, so I can only tell you what not to do. My biggest problem is I come off really strong. When I asked her out, I said "Listen <lady>. You are absolutely wonderful on the stage, and I think you are incredibly beautiful. It would be my honor to take you out to the tea house in Evanston for a nice afternoon tea." She agreed at first, but she decided against it later.

What I recommend you do is just remember it is just a cup of coffee. The biggest mistakes most fellas make is they think a cup of coffee or a kiss on the cheek is a jumping board in to a full on relationship. Just have a cup of coffee, and stay true to yourself. Don't talk out your ass, don't try to impress, and better yet, let HER talk as much as she wants. Don't try to pry too much, and avoid too much small talk. Just get to know who she is. School is definitely the best time to just go for it, as it gives you the best chance to meet others of your age group and generation culture.

I'll go one step further. If and when you do go out for coffee, think about what you want to know about her. My first question is what her hobby is, and what type of music does she favor the most. My female roommate's first question is what part of town do you live in and how much money do you make. Obviously we are relatively incompatable from the first questions we ask. Just don't be shy to turn her down if she doesn't sound like your type of lady.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by ElectricSheep

Ask her for coffee anyway. The next time you two leave class, say "Hey, you wan't to go get a cup of coffee or a hot cocolate?".

Going out for coffee isn't exactly like proposing marriage...you don't need to 'build up' to asking out for coffee. Asking someone out for coffee is the way you get to know them in the first place--you get them out of the class environment into a place where you can sit, enjoy a hot beverage, and actually talk about each other.

If she's got a boyfriend, then you still get to have a coffee with someone you like to chat with. If it turns out she hates your guts, then oh well. If she's single and you discover that she has an actual interest in you, then you're a winner.

You sit and worry about rejection, and then don't act. Get resolved to the fact that you will be rejected by people, tell yourself 'Well, that's their problem and their loss', and move on. Inaction can be worse than action and failure.

And remember, its just coffee.

Conversation over. No more explanation necessary. It's just coffee. ES nailed this.

How ya doing, buddy?

Dammit man! You never had problems before getting the ladies...your just going soft. Chin up, eyes straight and act like you got a pair!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by SCHWARZE-7

Conversation over. No more explanation necessary. It's just coffee. ES nailed this.

Yeah. If you have to, ask her directly if she's single (explained in another post of mine in one of your other threads.) If not, say "Excellent. Let's meet for some extremely tasty coffee and amazingly wonderful stimulating conversation." (Melodramatic on purpose, it's great.) Pick a time and a day. It's really very simple.

How ya doing, buddy?

dunno about coffee. start a conversation first. see if she is open to talking to you. the worst you'll get is some one who brushes you off.

FELIPE NO

One that always seemed to do well for me is offer to study together prior to an exam. That always has the tendency to lead to interesting things. Choosing a place like a coffee shop is a good idea for that kinda thing too.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Everyone has to start somewhere, so I doubt any girl would be hugely turned off if you suggested this sort of outing. It's not like asking her for her hand in marriage! Class is a prime opportunity to connect with girls who you share common interests with, so there's no reason why you shouldn't give it a chance.

If she says she has a boyfriend simply reply with, "WHATCHO MAN GOT TO DO WIT ME?!"

At least.. That's what my friends tell me to do.

Originally Posted by Kalekkan

One that always seemed to do well for me is offer to study together prior to an exam.

This is the most logical way of going about things. If you have class with her, just ask if she's interesting in covering some material together. I've done this a few times already this semester, and since I don't drink coffee, I've always offered to go to our campus's local diner afterwards. Studying together provides a great opportunity to build upon the relationship that was established during class. However, getting a quick drink/bite was most rewarding because it allowed us to interact in an environment where we were both winding down, and quite comfortable.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Plarom

If she says she has a boyfriend simply reply with, "WHATCHO MAN GOT TO DO WIT ME?!"

lollercoaster. I'd love to see that... but seriously, yeah, that's exactly it. If she says she has a boyfriend, my reaction is usually something like "Well hey, high five, good for you. *give her a high-five* Do you usually go around announcing that to everyone? I mean, I have a girlfriend, but I don't go yelling it at people - besides what would my wife do if she found out? Or, even worse, my mistress? No no, best to keep things on the lowdown."

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yeah man your not rying to "go out with her" your just asking for coffe like two friends hanging out. Whats wrong with that?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I never understood why people are so shy. You only live once. Don't be so caught up with yourself in taking everything seriously. Let things roll off of your shoulders with a smile or a laugh or a shrug and explore other options sometimes. Rejection isn't much worse than a forkful of liver. Pour a little self-pity on it, chew the bitch and swallow. It takes a lot of work to become as self assured, but everyone can do it. Can you tell my heart's been curb stomped?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

well, i guess if finding out whether the girl has a bf first really matters to u that much, there are like a few small things that can help... facebook, cellphone, and necklace

facebook (or it's other equals), simiply check the relationship status and u're doen

cellphone- girls who're dating usually set the wallpaper of her phone as her and her bf, obviously, this is not to tell you to go sneaking around in her cellphone, cuz that's just being an ass...

necklace- usually, a girl with a ring as a necklace has a bf already, because a ring necklace is the most common things guys give to girls

i hope this can help you, but just like everyone else said on this thread, it's just coffee, regular friends can go out for coffee or dinner. I used to rely on these things a lot, but now i just realized how much easier it is to go out and ask and have no regrets.

I was speaking idiomatically.

This is why facebook is amazing. I get crushes on classmates all the time, and I just look 'em up on facebook and see if they're in a relationship.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

facebook intel can be flawed, I was after this chick who is listed as single on facebook; and guess what, the perimeter wasnt cleared and we lost a lot of good men =(

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by blue

This is why facebook is amazing. I get crushes on classmates all the time, and I just look 'em up on facebook and see if they're in a relationship.

Some people are just too lazy to update and leave it as "it's complicated"

there, never have to deal with stupid status AGAIN! XD

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Well, one month later, I got an update.

Yesterday, I asked her for coffee after class. Her and I had been getting along very well in the past month and I figured now was just as good as ever. Especially considering I wanted to find out her stance because there is another girl I just met who I had a good time with over the weekend.

So, we were just walking outside and I ask "Would you like to go for coffee sometime?" She chuckles a bit and goes "You mean, like friends?" I said "Well, if you like." She goes "Sure, sometime when I have time." I then gave her my number and email address.

I would say, she is A) Not interested and/or B) In a relationship or C) Too busy to care.

Oh well.... so much for trying. At the very least I have a study buddy!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Ouch.

It sounds like she isn't looking for a relationship right now. "You mean, as friends?" kinda gives that away. Did she give you her number, too? Or did you just give it to her?

I hope it works out for you. I know exactly what you're going through.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I just gave her my number.

Which I guess begs another question. Do you generally give a girl your number? Or do you just get hers, especially in the this situation?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Do it.

Don't be like me. The cute(hot) classmate I met 3 years ago is now my partner in our thesis. But she has a boyfriend. So if you get the chance, do it. Stop waiting and just do it.

Do it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Do what exactly? Other than going for a cup of friendly coffee, there is nothing else to expect. And I do not presume to expect anything.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I don't think it really matters if you give her your phone number, or vice versa, especially if it seems like it'll be just platonic.

You've got a great attitude about this, though. =)

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Originally Posted by Ginko

I don't think it really matters if you give her your phone number, or vice versa, especially if it seems like it'll be just platonic.

You've got a great attitude about this, though. =)

ditto.

Sorry for short post... but Ginko pretty much nailed it. >_>;

FELIPE NO

Besides which if you continue to see her in class, there's not the danger of completely losing contact anyway. Cup of coffee as friends is still a good segue into a relationship, too. Just because you have to be realistic and expect to remain only as friends doesn't mean that you won't really hit it off over coffee and move on to having lunch some time. Guarded optimism can be a good thing, and lends a quiet self confidence that seems to generally go over well.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Drex

Besides which if you continue to see her in class, there's not the danger of completely losing contact anyway. Cup of coffee as friends is still a good segue into a relationship, too. Just because you have to be realistic and expect to remain only as friends doesn't mean that you won't really hit it off over coffee and move on to having lunch some time.

Agreed. My girlfriend and I were classmates long before we ever got around to the whole dating bit.

It's better not to expect something to happen, and I know that you don't. I'm just saying that if something's going to happen between the two of you, it doesn't have to be right away.

Jam it back in, in the dark.