So I really like this girl part 2.

close thread.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Sir.

If she doesn't want a commitment right now, don't expect one. Don't think you're the only one she's seeking attention from. She's likely not. It sounds to me like she's playing the field.

Unless she's told you outright that she wants a relationship with you, don't get your hopes up. You have no idea whats going on when she's with other people. She has the right to seek shit out and try new people, but don't expect her to lock in.

She wants attention right now, and it seems like she's getting it.

If you're hurting emotionally, try and keep her as a friend, if you can handle it. If you find yourself hurting with that too, maybe you should take a break from her.

It's not good news for you when a girl says she's not looking for a relationship/commitment/whatever and you're hoping for one. You'll only get your heart broken.

Why not step back and let her breathe a little.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

You should think like this. While you're getting your hopes up, in a few days she could appear with a new boyfriend infront of you with innocuous intentions of introducing one to another. She says to him: here is a nice friend, who has been comforting me all this time. lol. grin.

It might be just a scenario, but check with it, and see whether you are hurt or not and adjust yourself accordingly.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Let me get this straight: you have told this girl that you are going to put your love life on hold for her, and wait for her to be "ready", and what does she do for you in return? She tells you right to your face that she intends to keep playing the field.

There is a huge imbalance of power here. There is a huge element of non-reciprocity here, and that is what is hurting you emotionally. For a man to decide to commit himself to a woman should be a huge honor. It is something a woman should have to work hard for. In fact, she would rather work hard for it than have it given to her.

When you gave her your commitment, which she did not have to work for, she placed little value on it, so she did not even think for five seconds about reciprocating. You then made matters worse by offering to wait for her, which lowered your value even further in her eyes.

Something else in your post stood out: never believe for one second a woman who says she is not ready for a serious relationship. It's a lie they learn in high school. Women are biologically hardwired to want serious relationships moreso than men. If she says whe doesn't want one then this is secret code for meaning she is not ready for a serious relationship with YOU. Any woman who says this will readily have sex with and commit to the first alpha male or pick-up artist who comes along and knows how to make her feel sexy. (This is what your girl is holding out for.) She will then do things to that guy that you never imagined such a sweet, virginal girl could do.

These are all harsh truths that you must learn. I only recently learned them myself if that makes it easier.

How ya doing, buddy?

The "imbalance of power" and "girls lie like snakes" are two things I had in mind as well. Good points I can only reemphasize for consideration.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Lufia2

She told me as of right now she doesn't want a commitment...

Let me translate: She doesnt want a commitment....WITH YOU.

*ah Shape-shifter beat me to it!*

All this talk about liking you is just a way she can say NO to you without crushing your heart. Too bad it doesnt really work. It just makes you confused like you are right now.

Trust me, many if not most guys have had a girl tell them "im not ready for commitment" only to have her turn around and jump into one with someone she really likes.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Cat9

All this talk about liking you is just a way she can say NO to you without crushing your heart. Too bad it doesnt really work. It just makes you confused like you are right now.

Confusion seems to be the biggest factor when it comes to these types of situations. I agree with you Cat. The "miscommunication" (or lack thereof) gives one a false sense of hope resulting in potential heartbreak.

The problem with this situation is that you might get people that will offer you such advice as, "well, maybe there really is a chance, so if you feel compelled to wait for her, then wait." I would argue that there's nothing wrong with waiting for her, but don't specifically come out and say that this is what you're doing. As Shape-Shifter pointed out, doing so kinda lowers your value. People in general are attracted to confidence, and if you're willing to lower your value this quickly, she may not see you as a very confident individual.

If it gets to the point where it really starts becoming unbearable to deal with, it might be time to date other people yourself. Of course, there's no need to feel that you should see other people as a means of payback since she's doing it. Instead, look at it as you're trying to meet the right person. All the time you spend waiting on someone could stall (or prevent) wonderful opportunities that may present themselves to you had you not been waiting for this girl.

Honestly, if she means this much to you, I know from personal experience that there's not going to be a single person that will be able to convince you to stop waiting for her. What you'll have to do is weigh the pros and cons of this situation. Ask yourself if you can really see her turn around and say, "okay I'm ready now for a relationship." Unfortunately, I cannot say I've ever heard a woman say this to me after having said that she wasn't ready for a relationship.

Keep in mind, you deserve to feel loved and be happy just as much as she does. Consider either seeing other people, or maybe just convince yourself to be content with being single and just enjoying life. The latter is how I found my special someone

How ya doing, buddy?

You guys have very valid points.... I don't understand how saying I would wait for her would make her seem i'm inconfident. Whatever the reason is there anything I can do to higher my value after what I've said?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Lufia2

Whatever the reason is there anything I can do to higher my value after what I've said?

Yeah, make friends with girls that are hot and date girls that are hotter than her.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Hah, my ex said the same thing and I still care about her. The only difference is my ex isn't playing around with other guys really. Mine has also told me she doesn't really like me anymore, but we're still best friends and we tell each other everything.

I personally intend on waiting for her, because I care about her more and more. She's the first girl I've liked that I'm genuinely happy with, even if I know I can't be with her. She may just be sending off false vibes but, I don't really feel like getting to know anyone new, and she's personally worth waiting for to me. I hate to use the "L" word, but I might be falling in love with her.

It really depends on how much you care. If she's playing the game, you play it too. Don't limit yourself. I played around with another girl for a good 3-4 weeks and it only made my ex and I closer, I like to think. The time off helped me realize how it was I really felt. Plus, it won't give her an overwhelming sense of power over you.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Jin

Yeah, make friends with girls that are hot and date girls that are hotter than her.

I don't know if this was intended as a joke, but it's seriously good advice.

Shape-shifter already said everything I would've about your current situation. So we've established the situation where you gave away any power you may have had. It's going to be an uphill struggle to get it back. The best thing you can do is move on, date other (hot) girls, and IF you're serious about her, make sure she knows about it. Women are extremely competitive (sorry for the generalisation girls, but it's been my experience 100%, and I'm not the only one), so doing this will make you much more attractive in her mind. You put yourself in her life as someone who can maintain a relationship and isn't anybody's lapdog. You're not a wuss, you're a catch.

Additionally, you must become confident when dealing with her. When you tell her you will wait for her, you're essentially telling her that she's worth everything to you, and also that YOU think you're not worth a lot. You have to start teasing her a bit, have a good time with her, and don't talk with her about her problems (unless you're charging her an hourly psychiatry fee). You want to be at least an equal to her, and that means having some power to choose things. This relationship would be great for HER, not YOU. YOU can find a great girl somewhere else, but you're giving HER a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hang with YOU. I'm exaggerating a little, but I'm just trying to drive the point home.

If this sounds counter-intuitive, it's probably because you're a great friend. But a "friend" does not create a spark in a woman's heart, it's just that simple.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Lufia2

Whoever read my first post I forgot what I wrote....

So anyway.....basically I really like this girl, but she just got out of a relationship about 1 month ago and I guess it didn't go to well fo rher. She told me as of right now she doesn't want a commitment and she just wants to date around and meet new people, but she has told me that she likes me quite a bit. We kiss hang out and hug and everything. However, she is meeting a lot of other people as well and hanging out with them too but no she isn't kissing or hugging them. She asked me if I"m okay with that and I told her yeah its fine and that it's her choice. She knows I'm a good person and she has told me that know one has ever liked and cared for her as much as I do, but I guess her last 2 relationships kind of want her not to commit to someone. I told her I would wait for her, but it is kind of hurting me emotionally. What do you guys think?

Wait, wait, wait right there, motherfucker. Since when is hugging someone a betrayal? How goddamn old are you, 12? HUGGING A SONBITCH IS THE SAME AS FUCKING THEM? What is wrong with you? I mean, really, what is fucking wrong with your head? Are you some little pre-teen bitch whining about their love life? Cause if that's the case, shut the fuck up. Are you some early teen whining about their love life cause LIFE IS TOO REAL? If so, shut the fuck up.

God help you if you're in your 20's and worried about your piece of ass hugging some other dude. If that's the case, shut the fuck up.

In summation. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

When I say hug... I mean hugging in bed...

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Lufia2

When I say hug... I mean hugging in bed...

So what you really mean is fucking. She isn't fucking anybody else. See, that seems much less bitch-like than hugging, doesn't it? Dude, she isn't that interested in you. You're the fill-in guy. Eventually she'll find someone more substantial and she'll hug his goddamn brains out. Best thing for you to do is bail now.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

It may seem like a bad idea, but treating women like shit works, actually.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Duo Maxwell

It may seem like a bad idea, but treating women like shit works, actually.

Duo, buddy, long time no see, mate.

Most amazing jew boots

Quote:

What do you guys think?

I've been through this. As Denicalis said, you are the fill-in guy. Time has essentially stopped for you because your heart is waiting to be embraced by her. Meanwhile time continues to move for her because she's out giving the lovin' that you ain't getting. All this can lead to depression too. You need to make a choice and this choice has to be for yourself. Because people like this, and men can do this to women as well, are an emotional threat.

And..
Do not talk about what you will do. Talking is not action.
Just go out and do it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.