Pregnant teen needs help!

Ok, here is the scoop…

I have a cousin that has just turned 19 and is now pregnant, she and I where like sisters and loved each other like crazy, I am 6 years older then her so she looked up to me a lot when it came to growing up.

The guy she is going out with named Chris is also 5-6 years older then she is, and he also as a child with another girl (On the positive side he is fighting for visitation rights). Ever since my cousin turned 16 she would move out with every guy she considered a boyfriend and moved back when she broke up. When she started going out with Chris, she moved in with him in a very small basement apartment that his grandparents pay for because he does not have a job. My cousin had a job but quit.

She is due to have her baby this October, she is still smoking, Chris still smokes, he kicks up a fuss like a 9 year old if he does not have a cigarette or beer, the apartment they are in is a dirt hole! They have two cats and their litter is a opened pizza box with litter dumped in it, and it does not look like it is changed often either. Any bit of money that Chris gets his hands on goes to booze and smokes. My aunt offered to take her back in but her boyfriend cannot come with her because she recently separated from her husband and has 2 young boys to raise and only has a part time job.

I have talked to my cousin and stressed my concerns. I have invited her to spend a few days to my place so that we can hang out and do some baby shopping and told her that I will be paying. It took a lot of effort to get the days off from my job to do this, but she refused because I will not allow her to smoke if she came (I have a severe allergy to smoke and I get very ill, plus it is bad for the baby)

I don’t know what to do! I hate Chris’s guts cuz he has the independents of a 9 year old and is ruder then a mule! But I did not say that to their faces. I love her to death and I can’t seem to get through to her…… if not for her then for her poor baby who I am very concerned about, it is not having a healthy pregnancy, the baby is due in less then 2 months and not a single diaper is bought!

I am at a loss....

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Let her learn life the hard way if she doesn't want to listen to you.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Agreed, and why the hell didn't she tell him to use protection for god sake?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

She was actually on the pill. I thinks she got sick or something and had to switch to a different pill. What happend is you are supposed to take the new pill for a full month before it can become effective. They happened to go at it before the new pill became effective. Chris was not happy when he found out that she was pregnant, but I say tough to him, if he REALLY did not want another kid, he should have wore a condom for percaution.

He might have lacked the education on how the pill works but my cousin should have known... so they are both at fault.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Is abortion an option to them?

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Originally Posted by Storm Petrel

Is abortion an option to them?

The baby is to far developed to get a abortion, she is due in October.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Damn, although I don't feel bad for her at all as she doesn't listen to you or anybody. Like Stealth said, let her learn it the hard way.

FELIPE NO

My honest opinion? These two need their asses kicked, pronto...especially your irresponsible cousin who is smoking while pregnant.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do except to wait for her to have this baby and WHEN she turns out to be a neglectful, abusive mother, turn her in to Child Protective Services so that they can take her baby from her and give it to people who deserve to have a child. These two do not.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I concur with Alice.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Hmm, Chris sounds like a bum. He sounds a lot like another guy I have the misfortune to know of. Neither of them seem to have a clue as to what they're getting themselves into. And your cousin has a lousy taste in boyfriends; that he was a divorcee still struggling to see his kids should've been a warning sign. Granted, it might not be his fault that his first marriage broke up but who can say for sure?

Just tell her that she's killing her baby and it will turn out to be more of a retard than she is. Chris doesn't seem to care about the well-being of the child either, so she should really get rid of him - then again, he might just bail on her anyway and at the worst possible time. In which case she should prepare herself for any eventuality by getting some sort of job so she can support her child.

So try to encourage her to get some sort of work, pronto. Don't start running errands for her though, otherwise she'll just think she can use you for everything, and the only way people like that learn anything is by bitter experience.

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I've had experience with cousins who were pregnant when they were 16 and 17 respectively, and basically fell in the same situation with assholes as boyfriends/fathers.

It's very fucking terrible what happened though. No abortion. Just miscarriages.

People need to be more fucking responsible. There's nothing you can do at this point.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My aunt is going to have a baby shower for her under one condition... any money that given goes to my aunt. None of us trust money in my cousin's or Chris's hands, so my aunt is going to get the money and buy the baby stuff herself.

I just made a baby bundle which is a baby tub will with suff she will need like diapers, bath supplies, wipes ect....

But calling Social services is what I am thinking of doing if the baby is living in the conditions that my cousin is in now.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Man. No offense to you or anything, but your cousin is a fucking dolt.

Where are her parents. Where the FUCK is the discipline? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS. This is ridiculous. These are precisely the people that should not fucking breed.

While I understand that your counsin is what, 7 months pregnant and can not exactly work to keep a household up to par, she should kick Chris out of the fucking PIGSHITHOLE they live in.

A PIZZA box as a kitty litter box? What, they cost, like, $10 at Walmart. I have a feeling there are plenty of Walmarts where your cousin lives.

They're living in squalor, sounds like. She's going to end up in a shithole and she'll NEVER get herself out of it.

If you want to do her a favor, get her to leave the FILTH that fathered that child and try to take her into your family. Though I have a feeling your family can't be that healthy (no offense again) to nuture this poor kid into getting a fucking BRAIN.

Seriously. Child protective services are the only way to go here. Don't be afraid to use it. I MEAN IT. Don't do society an injustice because your cousin and her dimwit boyfriend can't use ample brain power between the two of them.

Sorry if this is harsh. This topic really pisses me off. ;_;

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Originally Posted by Chibi Neko

I just made a baby bundle which is a baby tub will with suff she will need like diapers, bath supplies, wipes ect....

AND Nicorette! "It's just for until the baby comes."

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Chibi Neko

But calling Social services is what I am thinking of doing if the baby is living in the conditions that my cousin is in now.

She's your cousin and you love her, but I seriously hope you do not think twice about alerting social services about these conditions. Heck, get them in there now and give them a little scare so maybe you can save whatever is left of the babies lungs and brain. Maybe if social services comes in and says, "If you don't clean up your act we will take your baby away," they might wake up. Do you have any family members that are willing to raise the kid if they don't get their act together?

I've had a few friends that were in the same situation. One couple was smoking marijuana, cigarettes, drinking whiskey, and took acid before she found out she was pregnant. They quit all that stuff while she was pregnant and now they only smoke marijuana outside of the house.

Just be supportive, make sure she knows you have her best interest at heart, and don't be afraid to show some tough love (especially toward Chris...well, more tough than love).

FELIPE NO

In my opinion, she should ditch Chris. Clearly this man doesn't hold any responsibility and it's pulling her down as well. Eventhough it sounds like he's getting off easy, is it any better to force him to marry your cousin, even if he already has kids from another partner? Also, he seems like no help at all: no job, no money, not even a sense of loyalty. I would tell her to ditch him as soon as possible.

As for the baby, she should get outside help as soon as possible. She seems irresponsible, and I already feel bad for the baby.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

A PIZZA box as a kitty litter box? What, they cost, like, $10 at Walmart. I have a feeling there are plenty of Walmarts where your cousin lives.

I agree, the only money they are getting are by sponging off Chris's grandparents to pay for rent and food.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

If you want to do her a favor, get her to leave the FILTH that fathered that child and try to take her into your family. Though I have a feeling your family can't be that healthy (no offense again) to nuture this poor kid into getting a fucking BRAIN.

I truly understand why you would say this but the rest of our family are all trying to reach out to her, but it seems like she is in denial and is pretending that her life is dandy. She is bascially trying to act all 'grown up' when we clearly see otherwise.

My cousin actually does not know who her real father is, after my aunt had my cousin she made a real life for self, she went to school, got a diploma in computer technology and got a job. She married years later to a great man and had two little boys.

Today they are split up but are on good terms. My aunt did everything for her kids, she gave up smoking when she got preganent with her first son and to set a example for my cousin.

Even now she took my cousin back in and Chris tried to tag along, but is eating her out of house and home, my aunt has a part time job and raising 2 boys, she can't afford to look after Chris too... so she said that he has to leave, so my cousin left with him too.

I agree with my aunt that her problem is low confidence. My cousin will just go with the flow and will not speak up. She was teary eyed when I confronted her about not wanting to come to my place, I told her that I knew that this is not the life that she wanted for herself and that she is harming her baby, she said that she knew what I was talking about and understands. I then said 'then stand up on it!'... she was silent. That was the last time I spoke to her. I hope I made her think.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

My sister did the same thing,minus the moving out part. Just do what i did let her smoke or whatever and live in that basement,Sorry to say this but she'll learn her lesson when she has a miscarriage. That's how my older sister learned, The hard way.

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just sad for people to not have the consideration for others. so englufed in their own pitiful lives... agreed with the last 7 posts. live a good life, reap the benefits, be a sillybilly and ur bound to get whats coming to you :P

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Originally Posted by Ademis

My sister did the same thing,minus the moving out part. Just do what i did let her smoke or whatever and live in that basement,Sorry to say this but she'll learn her lesson when she has a miscarriage. That's how my older sister learned, The hard way.

Yeah, so just let her kill the kid, right? She'll learn her lesson though... Killing the kid isn't worth teaching her a lesson, and if you think letting her continue smoking is fine and dandy, since she'll see what she's missing, you're wrong.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Visavi

She's your cousin and you love her, but I seriously hope you do not think twice about alerting social services about these conditions. Heck, get them in there now and give them a little scare so maybe you can save whatever is left of the babies lungs and brain.

Sorry to say, but most of the damage to the kid is already done.

Originally Posted by Echo

Yeah, so just let her kill the kid, right? She'll learn her lesson though... Killing the kid isn't worth teaching her a lesson, and if you think letting her continue smoking is fine and dandy, since she'll see what she's missing, you're wrong.

She's 7 months along, we can safely assume she will not miscarry.

I hate to say it Chibineko. Your cousin seems like a nice enough person, but she deserves this situation as much as anyone does. It's good on you guys to not knowtow to her demands that Chris accompanies her everywhere though, that'll just make things worse on your relationship with her.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by a lurker

It's good on you guys to not knowtow to her demands that Chris accompanies her everywhere though, that'll just make things worse on your relationship with her.

So are you saying that I should talk to my cousin while Chris is present?

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Huh, I'm not sure. I'm really referring to your aunt refusing to let your cousin in her house when she brings Chris with her.

If you mean talk to the cousin while she's with Chris, sure. If you mean talk to her while Chris is physically present in the room, well yes but keep the conversation away from all Chris-related things.

The only time she will ever be ready to leave this guy is when she is ready to leave this guy, and she will not listen to reason until then.

FELIPE NO

Probably the best thing that could happen to her is if everyone let her reap what she sowed and forced her to fend for herself. You want to act like and adult and engage in adult activities? Fine. You take care of yourself like an adult and stop mooching off the generosity of others. Right now she's having her cake and eating it, too. It's just silly.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Probably the best thing that could happen to her is if everyone let her reap what she sowed and forced her to fend for herself. You want to act like and adult and engage in adult activities? Fine. You take care of yourself like an adult and stop mooching off the generosity of others. Right now she's having her cake and eating it, too. It's just silly.

That's exactly how i see it but she needs someone to build a fence for her. In other words let her do what she sees fit but if she messes up or somethin goes wrong she needs someone to help her out.

How ya doing, buddy?