Drinking Problem?

Okay I've been worried about my boyfriend's drinking habits for a while now. To begin with I was okay with it; I mean there's no way I'd stop him going out and drinking until he's pissed with friends and so forth, but thanks to something he let slip the other day, it would seem he's now drinking half a bottle of spirits each day. That's 5 times what he should be drinking. I want to talk to him about it and tell him I'm worried but then I'm not exactly t-total myself and I know he'd just call me a hypocrite. How can I make him cut down? I don't want to see him drink himself into an early grave =s

Jam it back in, in the dark.

In what way is it hypocritical to point out someone's drinking excessively? I'm assuming you're not also drinking excessively, of course, cause that would be hypocritical.

Make him argue his meaningless generality, and it will be unmasked as such. He'll probably get angry though, so you may have to prepare for that. If you really believe his drinking is detrimental to his health and mental wellbeing, and you care about him, you have to stop him one way or another.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

I want to talk to him about it and tell him I'm worried but then I'm not exactly t-total myself and I know he'd just call me a hypocrite. How can I make him cut down? I don't want to see him drink himself into an early grave =s

It doesn't matter if your not tee-totaller or if you drink on moderation, he cannot say you are a hypocrite.
Try not to completely corner him, if he's drinking this much there's a reason for it and some people who drink copious amounts don't take any warnings thrown at them and will accuse you of being "against them" somehow.

A half bottle a day is insane though it really is, a friend of mine did something similar regularly but he sort of snapped out of it, we wound up telling him he could chill out of feck off basically, but obviously it wouldn't be that simple for yourself, anyway good luck

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Well, I don't drink excessivley, but I do drink every day. Though it's within the guidelines as far as I'm aware. I guess that doesn't make me hypocritical...

I'll try not to make it such a confrontation then. I'll just make him aware of how I feel and see where it goes from there.

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Though it's within the guidelines as far as I'm aware.

And what guidelines are those? There is no quantifiable measure of problem drinking. Its about control and how drinking affects your life. Have you ever felt you needed to cut down on your drinking? Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking? Have you ever felt guilty about drinking? Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover? Those are the basic questions that are used to screen people for alcoholism--answer 'yes' to two of them and you warrant further investigation. Alcoholism is the line that is crossed when drinking begins to affect your personal life, your social life, your financial life, or your job.

Personally, I can't say that I never drink, but its not something I think about every day. I don't look forward to having a drink when I get home from work, and I don't ever think to myself 'I wish I had a drink right now'. I don't try to rationalize my drinking. There are occasions which I choose to drink (social events, like the wedding I attended a few days ago), but most of the time I just don't really think about it.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Same here. I don't usually think about whether I am going to be drinking soon or not. I mean, drinking a beer once a day isn't too bad, because they say it might be good for you... but personally, if I drink, its usually a special occasion or something.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

You drink everyday?? Are you sure YOU don't have a drinking problem? A beer with supper or before bed is alright, but more than that is bordering on alcoholic.

Have you tried approaching him with that feminine thing that girls do? You know, like talk softly and lovingly to him, maybe ruffle his hair a bit and say you're worried. Try it when he isn't pissed. I know this would work on me, so it's all I can offer.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Render

Have you tried approaching him with that feminine thing that girls do? You know, like talk softly and lovingly to him, maybe ruffle his hair a bit and say you're worried. Try it when he isn't pissed. I know this would work on me, so it's all I can offer.

I like the sound of this approach, as much as it would scare him (I'm not so good with being feminine...). Thanks, I'll give it a try.

As for my own drinking, I thought that the daily "allowance" for a woman would be 3 units, which I stick to. As for the examples you gave of screening questions ElectricSheep, I may have felt perhaps one of them at one point, but based on what you have all said, I don't think I have anything to worry about; I can't see myself getting out of control. If I didn't have a drink for a while I don't think it would bother me.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

1. Does he have an alcoholic`s tendency? I mean, I was generally wasted everyday for three months (including my first two months on this board when I joined) in 2001. When I finally got over it, I had no need to keep drinking. My body didn`t desire the shit.
2. Is something going on in his life or is this just buddy stuff?
3. Are you sure you aren`t what`s causing him to drink so much? Hell, I`ve been in that position many times. Sometimes it`s the only way you can stand some people.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by OctoberOmicron

1. Does he have an alcoholic`s tendency? I mean, I was generally wasted everyday for three months (including my first two months on this board when I joined) in 2001. When I finally got over it, I had no need to keep drinking. My body didn`t desire the shit.
2. Is something going on in his life or is this just buddy stuff?
3. Are you sure you aren`t what`s causing him to drink so much? Hell, I`ve been in that position many times. Sometimes it`s the only way you can stand some people.

1. Pretty much every time I talk to him he's telling me how wasted he was the day before, and I see him an awful lot =/

2. Well, he's going to uni at the end of this month, but he's never said that he finds the thought distressing. Apart from that, I can't think of any reason why he would.

3. This is what I've been asking myself. Being entirely honest, I wouldn't be suprised if it was me. I'm not the easiest person to deal with, but if I'm a bit too much to handle he always lays the law down or gives me some time to cool off. Although he already had a reputation for drinking before I even met him, maybe I made it worse?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

1. Pretty much every time I talk to him he's telling me how wasted he was the day before, and I see him an awful lot =/

He's boasting about it?

If so, I'm guessing he's getting signals from somewhere that it's cool to be wasted.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by surasshu

He's boasting about it?

If so, I'm guessing he's getting signals from somewhere that it's cool to be wasted.

Everyone everyday gets those signals. Well, anyone who does anything does. Billboards, print ads, television ads, etc. Alcohol is glorified in this society for some odd reason.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Yes, smokes are gradually being banned while the restictions/reactions to alcohol consumption are a joke by comparision. Personally I do neither drug, but while it's an unhealthy, money-consuming habit, I never heard about anyone beating his children after smoking two packs in a row.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

I'm not the easiest person to deal with, but if I'm a bit too much to handle he always lays the law down or gives me some time to cool off.

A question you might want to ask yourself is: To what point can you return this forgiving behaviour? If he has a drinking problem, it will first get to his qualities as a human being and then to your relationship.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Oh I don't think it's a boast, it's just that it seems it's all he ever does sometimes. Hence my worry. If the majority of the time I haven't been with him, he's been drunk... =s

It's without a doubt something I have to address properly to him, I don't want to see drink destroy his life. I've already tried to talk to him about it a few times but I find it very hard to be confrontational. I've told him I'm worried several times, but I'm not sure he knows quite how worried I am.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

What kind of face is "=s"? I find it incredibly interesting.

So, other than talking to him, how do you plan on addressing this? You have to say or do something, right? What about his parents? Are they aware?

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Heh, it's an anxious face. Thinking about it, I'd like to see someone try and actually imitate that...

Well I was thinking of taking it to that level, but the only issue I suppose is that he doesn't live with them, so it would be indirect. Maybe he'll listen to them though, it's worth trying.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?