Changed for the better

or worse. I used to think that people never change. It's a cliché people use all the time, especially when it comes to touchy subjects: I mean, haven't you ever heard, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" or something like that? I thought I would never change too, but it turns out I was wrong. Everyday the world around us changes and no one is exempt.

What I want to know is how things have affected your lives and changed you, either for the better or worse. Sometimes when listening to a certain song or reminiscing over old photo albums, feelings come over me that calms my soul and makes me want to be a better person, more gentle, more kind, more loving, but then I get cut off in traffic, and I'm ready to punch someone's lights out while cussing up a shitstorm.

These small moments of sporadic change I find don't really change me. Sure it puts me in a better or worse mood, but I'm still the same person with the same mannerisms as before when I think about it carefully. Sure these small events may push us towards change, but I think the bigger events in our lives are what causes us to change, for the better or worse, like getting married, having a child, witnessing the death of a loved one, killing someone, getting into a horrible accident and becoming maimed, winning the lottery, spending time in prison, living as a hermit, etc.


One big change in my life happened during my early school years. As a kid, I was pretty shy and introverted and didn't really make a lot of friends, so it was kinda sad for me. Most of the times I would spend my recesses alone and doing things by myself like climbing the jungle gym or playing a singles game of handball. Well, that all changed when a nice kid befriended me. Now that I look back on it, I have found that this has always been the case.

I've moved around the country several times now, and it's this same story everytime. I would move to a new place and be all alone again and back to my old self, and somehow someone in my class would just be my friend. I still think about all those great people to this day, and the kindness and warmth they brought me. I was always much happier when I was around them, and it made me appreciate other people more. I found myself opening up more to people around me and just being more friendly towards everyone in general.

I have fond memories of those days long past, and I still cherish their memories in my heart. For sure, all those old friends of mine helped change me for the better. I find myself sometimes looking out for that person that used to be in the same situation as me and try to see if I can't be a good friend to them like my old friends did for me.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I sure have changed through the recent years, I'm an always changing person, I don't know if it's for the better though.

I used to be shy and wasn't always so fond of befriending new people, until one day about 2 years ago when this real friendly girl befriended me, and I thought, I want to be just like this girl, I need to change this attitude and be friend with everyone! I braced up, made a fresh start with a whole new image of myself.

Well, so I did change and got a lot more friends, nowadays I'm friends with more or less everyone in my surroundings, or you could say I'm not at bad terms with anyone (that I know of). But then after these 2 years I've realized that I don't have that many close friends (if any) except some of my old friends, and because of me being friends/at good terms with so many kinds of people it's almost like I don't know who I am anymore since I don't know which kinds of people I'd feel best hanging out with around here, or what I really feel about people. Sometimes I just feel like being with mature people and sometimes with crazy ass people who likes to have fun and so on. I feel like being somewhere in between, but I just haven't found anyone that is really like me (except my best friend who moved away and I rarely see him nowadays).

I learned to converse with all kinds of people; So if I feel like it I could talk with people that are considered weird or are generally hated or that I don't particularly like that very much in the first place because I believe most people have some good sides to them, and they usually have. But it actually feels like this is partly what has kept me from getting real close friends in one way because people see me talking with these people that are not liked (many times for shit reasons too), so therefore it feels like people don't know what "side" I have chosen.

I really don't feel like I belong in any group around here because of all this, mainly because I never get let in more than on the surface. And it feels somehow like I've lost my identity somewhere on the road. So sure, I'm living proof that people change, as of yet I don't know if it's for the better or the worse though.

Hmm maybe I got a bit off topic, but I usually do so forgive me

I always get a sense of change whenever I read something thoughtful or listen to some great and inspiring music, I feel many times like I will do anything to change who I am for the better, but I always get lost somewhere and in the end I rarely achieve anything.

Haha, ah well, I'm such a messed up individual.

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I have a friend. I've been friends with him since like grade 6. He took a wrong turn with his life in highschool. He let drugs become a problem, got arrested tons of times for doing stupid shit and alienated his parents. After I graduated, and he didn't, and I got my own place, he sorta ended up on my floor quite a few nights, with no money, no good friends except for me(and I was getting frusterated with him at this point) and unable to hold a job for more than 2 weeks. I thought he was hopeless. His attitude wouldn't change, and he was just spiraling downward. But lo and behold. I don't know what happened, but just this summer he turned flipside. He solved his drug problem(it is merely recreation now) and he has been holding a job for 4 months now. (a fucking record). So it is true, people can change.

How ya doing, buddy?

People CAN change. Many times though, motivation is the key. I don't know how many biographies I have read where they say, 'After I saw my kids, I knew I had to change', and then, sooner or later, they did.

For me, when I was younger, I defintely was NOT self-sufficient. However, as I have worked abroad for several years now, that DEFINITELY was a change for me (and in me) as I had to rely on myself a lot more. I had to learn to do all the things I SHOULD have learned during my college years.

Another time was possibly in 9th grade. I rarely ever studied, and did horrible in French. I thought it was hopeless. However, one time, I really DID study hard and pulled off a B, which was awesome. It showed to me that hard work does pay off. That would then cause another change inwhich the next year I decided to actually study for my classes. Hence, my grades went from the B to D range into A's and B's. That change also led to me almost expecting perfection from myself ( to the point that I would work insane amount of hours to get everything down). That too, has changed some, although when that happened (other than simply graduating), I don't know.

In more recent times, getting married, and with the knowledge of having children (albeit five years in the futue, but still the thought) has changed me as I now really am focusing on trying to do the best to provide for my family both now, and down the road.

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In psychology, you would call that the fundamental attribution error: We, coming from individualistic cultures, tend to stress traits rather than situational characteristics. The concrete situation in the present has a much stronger impact on us than we commonly assume. There aren't simply "nice people" and "mean people", for example, it is our situation which determines our actions.

So what has all this got to do with the topic at hand? I, personally, like some of the ideas of symbolic interactionism, which claims that "the person" as such is never finished, and never just a product of its social environment, but that the mind is a process, constantly in motion, always changing. Our interactions with others and, most importantly, with ourselves are what determines our actions. We actively define the situation and choose which stimuli to take in and which to ignore, but the situation does influence us as a sort of "framework".

So yes, I think people can, and in fact do change all the time. Sure, there are certain personality traits, but it is the situation which brings them out. Especially some, strongly emotional experiences can be life-changing (e.g. illness, death of a loved one, a traumatic experience, a great success in your life). People grow with the challenges they face, they become more self-sufficient, or more bitter, or a million other things. Everyone deals with their life differently.

I was speaking idiomatically.

My personality has pretty much remained the same overall, but there have been a few minor changes. For example, I'm more optimistic and confident in all my daily activities, and I think a big reason for that change is getting into the field of nursing in which dealing with a lot of different people is part of a normal day. Although school can definitely be stressful, I'm actually more laid back than I ever was. I've always been outgoing as well, but I have also noticed an improvement in how I interact with others.

I remember seeing some old high school friends a few months ago, and they commented on how I seemed to be a different person because of my appearance and personality. They meant it in a positive way, and I think I can agree with them in general.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?