Crazy Aminals
 

So yeah. I'm sitting here, watching this cat crawl along the back of my couch. My cell happens to be sitting there, charging, minding it's own business, and the kitten, it looks at it weird, kinda examines it a bit. Waves a paw or two at it, like it's going to bite back or something. Then this cat....it SWATS my phone a few times....not sure what it was expecting it to do, but it was totally LOL. It attempted to pounce on it, and hit it a few more times, and then was done I think. Just an insane case of holy crap LOL!

How's about yous? Any crazy silly or just plain stupid pet stories? Those goofy aminals that just can't stop providing the LOL factor of your life? I'm bored and wanna hear about this stuff, MMMMMMMMKKKKKKKK????

I have a black chiweiner that has a white stripe running from it's mouth down to the bottom of her abodomin, sort of like an upside down skunk. Anyway, she is the sweetest, most beautiful looking bat-like creature in the world...but then she starts breaking into chewing fits and all of a sudden she becomes the incarnation of Satan. We have a chew toy that she plays with if there isn't any human flesh around, and what she will do with it is she will toss it around and play fetch with herself.

She also doesn't realize that the lower half of her body belongs to her. She will chase her tail and her back feet all over the house. Since she has the body of a weiner dog, she is able to catch it and she starts to gnaw on her tail and feet. She wimpers and whines when she starts chewing on them and doesn't realize that she is causing the pain to herself. However, she can snap out of Satanic mode and into happy licking puppy mode in less than a second.

Her growl and look of evil in her eyes are seriously demonic. My family doesn't know whether or call a psychologist or an exorcist.

*But her adorable begging like a prarie dog and her wide-eyed puppy eyes are SO ADORABLE!!!

One time my mom's cat managed to get her head caught in an empty bag of 'fun-size' Doritos, fell off the coffee table and kept shaking her head while backing up trying to get the bag off. I didn't think to record it with my phone until after my mom got it off, so I tried to put it back on, but she wouldn't have it. :(

I stayed over at a friends house and he had this one dog who was well behaved i was told. When I woke up next morning, one of my shoes was gone. Couldnt find it in the house. Looked in the backyard, there it was, the whole back of the shoe missing. :( I wore that for bout a week after that too cuz i was a his house durin vacation out of state. I didnt feel too bad about it when i woke my friend up to tell him what happend, and his prescribed glasses were all chewed up and in half. Plus his wallet got chewed through too. I had to LOL at his glasses for awhile though because later on he was playin Deus Ex and those bums you see in the game w/ the dark eyes, he got startled and screamed a bit cuz to him it looked like she had no eyes, lol.

One time my dog was in the back yard playing with a chew toy (he always leaps around and tries to pounce on them until he realises what they are) when he jumped and smacked his head right into the table :( He then swung round and started attacking the table leg for a bit...

One other thing which I didn't actually witness but I've heard the tale many a time. My oldest brother was round his mate's house with some friends, recreating and one of them dropped some speed on the floor. The guy's cat (lovingly named "Pussy") walked past, gave it a sniff and proceeded to lick it up off the floor. Needless to say the poor thing went mental for a couple of hours, racing round the flat, actually scaling the curtains, running along the curtain rail and back down only to start the whole thing again. They've been much more careful these days I hear.

A long time ago, when my family had both cats and dogs in the house (this didn't last long), we had gates up so that the puppies couldn't get into places like the dining room. The cats, however, could jump over the gates, and that was fine. Anyway, the dining room door frame was wide enough that you could close the door while keeping the gate there.

Since the door was mostly glass, I guess the cats couldn't tell when it was closed. One day one of the cats decided to go into the dining room. She backed up, launched into a running jump over the gate, and WHAM, bounced right off the door. She walked around looking dazed for a few seconds, then got over it, but I was on the floor laughing.

I was out one day when someone's dog dashed towards me. It was not strapped by the owner. I thought I was dead meat but the owner whistled it to stop. Irresponsible pet owners.. :(

my rats chew stuff and fight each other. god damn i need to get a Kenny doll.

Laser pointer + cat = hours of endless fun.

My cat recently got a 'kitty condo' plaything (made of cheap plastic and synthetic fiber). She goes absolutely nuts if you take a pencil and poke the outside of the condo while she's inside. She loves it so much that anytime someone walks by the kitty condo, she runs into it and peeks out expectantly hoping you will play with her.

I'd always thought turtles would be calm, lazy perhaps, but pet turtles can be fun. Whenever there is food they go hyper and shield from the other turtles any pieces of food they can secure. Also when they sense the presence of someone familiar they swim up towards the side of the fishtank continously flapping away despite going nowhere. This fishtank is in the room I study, and sometimes they would often be lying still above the brown ? (some of the soft rock-like stuff put in fish tanks), when suddenly they would just leap out into the water all at once. You crazy turtles.

In 1994, my brother, who was living with my mother at the time, was given a dog. Frank, not being the most normal of children, named the dog "Onion".

Onion was a good dog, by which I mean that she meant well. Or at least I presume that she meant well. She'd do her best to protect the house from intruders, even the non-existent ones, and would let us play with her. It's just that Onion was not a particularly smart dog. In fact, even by canine standards, she was probably mentally retarded.

You know that trick where you pretend to throw a ball but secretly palm it behind your back? Most dogs fall for it a couple times, then catch on. Some will casually trot behind you and nose at your hand, as if to tell you that the gig's up. Not Onion. She'd run headlong in whichever direction you pretended to launch the ball, not stopping to take into account things like lamps, tables, concrete walls, etc. Onion never once figured out that it was all a clever ruse. She'd reach the other end of the room, sniff at the ground for a moment, then give up and begin rubbing her ass upon the carpeting.

Onion flunked out of obedience school twice. The instructors said she couldn't even master the "Sit!" command.

Anyhow, shortly after they acquired Onion, my stepfather compressed his spine and underwent emergency surgery. He never fully recovered and has spent the remainder of his life confined to a wheelchair as a paraplegic.

One summer afternoon, my mother and Frank stepped out of the house to go to the store for a few items. My stepfather was in the backyard listening to a baseball game. Onion was out there with him, getting some exercise. He had a drink and was in the shade; they didn't plan to be gone for more than 15 minutes; he would be alright.

As soon as they left, my stepfather had to use the bathroom. Being paraplegic, he couldn't get there himself, but nobody was around to call. If he didn't do something, he'd wind up wetting himself.
He did the only thing he could. Bracing himself against the side of the garage, he stood up, whipped it out and relieved himself.

That was the moment I arrived on scene. I entered round back, looking for signs of life, and found my stepfather, sweatpants down around his ankles, pissing on the lawn. At his feet, was Onion, dog-genius, lapping up the puddle for god-only-knows what reason.

I was overcome with both laughter and nausea. I didn't blame my stepfather for doing what he'd done but the dog, sheesh. From that day afterward, whenever Onion would attempt to greet me by licking my face, I'd disgustedly reject her. If she's willing to lap up urine (and eat cat shit too), I had no idea what else had been in that mouth. I certainly didn't want it near my face.

And that's my animal tale.

About ten years ago, back when I was living with my parents, I had two cats: Shieka (Stinky), and Dee-Dee (Kitty Kitty). When my bro would be in town, he would crash out on the couch in the living room. Now, late at night, when everyone is ususally asleap, the cats would take the quiet freedom to play tag. This would always start with Stinky running up to Kitty Kitty sideways (imagine a cat running sideways, looking like a rectangle), and the game would start. One night in the living room, someone left the tinted glass door to the tv stand open. Since it was night, and everything is dark, the tinted door would be hard to see. Stinky was running full speed through the kitchen, to the dining room, to the front room, and BAM! Glass went everywhere. My bro jumped up yelling "get out get out get out!" thinking it was a burglar. Stinky cat ran upstairs under my bed and started to make this "aroooooo" sound. Kitty Kitty just sat in the middle of all the shattered glass like a dummy, trying to play it off like nothing happened. That night was pretty scary, but after we figured it out, we all had a good laugh.

Somehow, I'm amused with anything my dog does, even if he's rubbing his ass on the floor.

A couple months ago, I came up with the bright idea to stick a bunch of hair clips in his fur just to see how he'd react. He spent the rest of the day rubbing his face all over the carpet to try to get them off, batting them with his paw and shaking his head wildly, all while giving me pitifullly angry ooks. He got them off after some work but he hasn't really been keen on allowing me to touch his head with foreign objects since. Also he likes chasing butterflies and other small airborne insects, he'll jump and try to chomp on them.

Dogs are always funnier in action, describing it is no fun.

My brother's turtle is always staring at me, the first day it got here its eyes followed me around the room. It's looking at me right now as I type, also sometimes it closes one eye and continues to watch me as it pretends to be sleep. When I wake up it's staring right at me.

My rabbit once got caught on a glue trap and went fucking ballistic, it made sounds that I didn't even know a rabbit could make. I had to cut some fur off to remove the trap.

Because the rabbit isn't neutered sometimes it hops up to my foot or hand and precedes to try to rape it.

My cat the late Snowball used to have a phobea with clothes hanger.

One day I was sorting the clothes in my closet and placed all the hangers on the bed. When Snowball jumped on the bed and saw all the hangers he froze...his tail fluffed up and he kept batting the nearest hanger.

since then I would randomlly show him a clothes hanger and he would go nuts... he was really afraid of them!

My cousin had a just gotten this cat awhile back. Whenever we'd go visit them, the cat was cool and all. He'd stare at us from wherever he was and stuff. He even allowed us to mess with him a few times. However, I was coming down the stairs one day and he was over in the corner playing, I walked right past him into the kitchen. I heard this low growling noise and it was him, fur standing on end. I kept going and one minute later, that cat pounced on my ankle, tried to bite it, and ran off.

Oh yeah, the same cat came flying down the stairs at high speed on day. He forgot about the vanished wooden floor they had near the door. He slid sideways and banged the crap out of his head on the metal dinner table. He got up like he was drunk, shook his head, and ran back up the stairs...

Quoted for hilarity.

Okay, I've had some really nutty animals in my life, so let's start from when I was still in NJ:

Buttons: Basset/Beagle/Springer Spaniel Mix--liked to drink beer until he got drunk and also liked to sleep on the kitchen table. :)

JJ: My sister's cat in college who came to live with us after JJ was hurt. She used to sit in the open doorway between the kitchen and the living room and attack the dogs as they walked past.

Furball: Calico Cat who liked to jump on my chest when I would tap it. This trick was learned when she decided to jump on my back while I was on the phone with my mom. She would also curl up in a box of my mom's yarn and since she actually matched the yarn, Furball disappeared.

Climber: Solid black cat who went into the lower cabinet one night, taking everything out one by one without knocking anything over. My mom woke up the next morning and blamed me for it--until we saw Climber do it the next day.

On my own:

I've had two cats, one for 10.5 years and the current one for 3.

Boxi: She used to snore like a human being and liked to chew through electrical cords, but the funniest thing she ever did was while I was out. I went out with my b/f for about 20 minutes or so. When we got back, Boxi had taken a ball of yarn I was using for a blanket and went all over the apartment with it. Remember the Tom and Jerry cartoon where Jerry went all over the house with yarn? yeah. Like that.

She also liked to play with the light from a flashlight. Grab the flashlight, and Boxi was your buddy.

Cabi: She's a cat, so she's crazy, anyway. She likes to play with my cell phone, too, and I don't know why. But, she follows me everywhere--especially the bathroom. And while I'm sitting there, she'll curl up on my lap and go to sleep. WTF?!