Dealing with soon-to-be loss
 

Over the past year my grandparent's health have gone south physically and negatively.

My grandfather was in an accident many years ago where the results took a toll on his body and now have taken an even larger toll. Last June he went into the hospital where doctors basically said they couldn't do surgery on him due to those injuries.

Since that time, his health has gotten worse. He saw a doctor last November who told him he had one to six months to live.

This proclamation has turned out fairly accurate so far. He now has to get around with a wheel chair. A few weeks back his oxygen got knocked off leaving him in a groggy state. As of the last few days he isn't eating nor using the restroom. They have him in hospice care at his home but we all know it's only a matter of time.

My grandmother on the other hand is suffering from advanced Alzheimer's. Her mind has steadily gotten worse as she began to confuse the past and the future, and facts with fiction. A couple weeks back she didn't really recognize my father.

I read up on what happens with Alzheimer's patients and the end result is grim.

Part of me has been so busy the last few months that I haven't had time to sort out my emotions on this. Part of me has also been wishfully thinking that my grandparents would get better. However, given what has happened the last two weeks and given i have had time to finally process what has happened, I have accepted the truth of the matter. However, this acceptance has been very hard. This leads to two things:

1.) Do you have any advice on how I can personally deal with what is going on?

2.) Do you have any advice on what I should do about my grandparents? Both are getting so out of it that I'm not sure visiting them would do much.

You will regret not seeing them. Even if you're heart is broken seeing them in their deathbeds, you will regret not making the effort.

There's no easy way to do this. My grandma was diagnosed with kidney failure, a transplant was out of the question and she refused dialysis. In that kind of situation, it's only a matter of time, the question being when. I told myself that she has led a full life and that death would be a welcome release from her current suffering. I doubt I was convinced about that.

This is probably one of the situations where religious belief has an advantage. If you believe that you will see each other again, it sort of comforts you a bit since you believe the separation is only temporary.

A lurker is right. You will regret not seeing them, no matter how much it pains you. All I can say is, try to make the best out of the remaining time you have with them.

My Gran is mad as a box of otters these days but she's still always over the moon to receive guests and even though she couldn't tell you what happened yesterday if her life depended on it, she's got near perfect recall about most of the last century so it's not like talking to someone with Altzheimers is a completely one way street. Everyine dies at some point and a lot of people get sick just before hand. You've got to confront that at some point because eventually it's going to be your parents or a sibling or another even closer loved one and you're going to need to deal with it. Go and see them.

All, thanks for your advice.

As it turned out, we were planning to visit my grandfather tomorrow (my birthday). Unfortunately, he passed away today.

As it were, I am somewhat at peace with everything now. One of the things I wanted to express was how much I care and how highly I thought about him. However, after reflecting the things we have done and the things I did, I think he already knew that.

mortis, my sincerest condolenses for you and your family.
Losing family is never easy. I'm sure your grandfather was happy to have you as a grandchild.