Father is upset that I won't be there for his birthday
 

My mother wants me to fly out to New Jersey with her to see my aunt, grandmother, grandfather, and my 2 cousins (they will all be staying together). The trip is from February 12th-14th. My father’s birthday is on February 13th. 2 weeks ago, I told him that I was considering going to New Jersey with my mother, but I don’t know if I told him the exact date. Yesterday, before my mother booked the flight, we were talking on the phone and I gave my father the phone and he discussed it with her, and then my mother booked the flight (I let my mother explain the situation instead of me doing it myself).

This morning, my father called me up and he said that he was upset that I was going on the trip while it was his birthday. He said I am an adult now and I can choose to do what I want, but he is upset that I didn’t tell him about it beforehand. I told him that I mentioned it 2 weeks ago to him, but he said I didn’t tell him when. I also told him that I let my mother speak to him, but I think he was upset that I was not the one that discussed it with him. I told him I can cancel my flight, but he said I can do whatever I want since I’m an adult, and he isn’t going to make me do anything.

My question is, what can I do to remedy the situation? Should I cancel the flight? Anything else? I would greatly appreciate some advice.

Thanks.

Tell your presumably divorced parents that they shouldn't make their child choose between them, and go to Disneyworld.

Tell your dad that he is an adult, start acting like it. Unless it is a special birthday, like his 50th. Then you should go see him.

As a divorced parent I know that I will not spend every birthday, holiday, special occasion, etc. with my kids. Your dad needs to suck it up and stop putting guilt on you. If he took issue with it he should have said something to your mother when she called to discuss it with him instead of being a big baby and making you feel bad over it after the fact.

They are the ones who divorced and made these situations possible. You have absolutely no reason to feel bad. If what you actually want is to go see your family then do it. Tell your dad to grow the hell up.

Go see your mother. Your dad gets to see you every day, it seems.

If you're giving your dad a gift, mail it to your own house so it shows up as a surprise and he doesn't feel completely forgotten.

As you imply, it seems your father is more miffed at how you handled the situation with dodgy answers. Fact of life that sometimes loved ones can't be there for every birthday, but it's understandable that he'd be disappointed that you omitted the date when talking to him originally and then had your mother explain it to him. I don't know what type of guy your dad is or your relationship with him, but the most I could recommend is to visit him after your trip and apologize for not being upfront.

You should feel bad that your father cares about you and you have no interest in his life.

It was pretty shit of you (as an adult) to let your mother tell your father the news that you wouldn't be with him on his birthday. How cowardly of you. Are you 12? You couldn't tell your father yourself?

Your flight is booked. See your trip through.

But do a little growing up, would you.

I had no idea that parents got so pissy when their kids miss their birthdays. My dad must hate my guts.

Go on the trip but hire a stripper for your dad as a birthday surprise, I'm sure he'll forgive you.

I think I have a solution to your problem, but rather than tell you directly, I will have my mom call you to pass on the information.

Install a photorealistic hologram of you on yours father's place.

Or kidnap a kid and have him dressed up like you.

No one will see the differences.

Except if your mom has discussed it with your father.