Friends and boyfriends
 

Since April last year, my best mate has been dating her current boyfriend. We'd known him for a few months previously, and as such, I had struck up a friendship with him, which still holds to this day. Hands down the man is a legend; it has literally been years since I valued a friendship like this, and it would appear that the feeling is mutual.

However, just before Christmas things took a downward turn. There really was no one to blame for it, but the relationship had a blip, and they parted ways for a short while to sort their shit out and see if something could be salvaged. Naturally I was upset for my best mate. I felt increasingly guilty when I began to worry that they would never resolve the issues they were facing and thus mean I would lose the lad's friendship. At the time she was quite messed up about how things were, so I never asked her the question I should have done: "Can I still be friends with him?"

Luckily they are back together now, so the issue has theoretically been resolved, but he confided in me and I in him just how upset we were that it could have meant the end of our friendship. I'm not trying to say they aren't a good couple, but considering our ages this relationship will eventually come to a halt, and the issue will resurface.

So I ask of you gamingforce, if you were in the same situation would you lose the friendship to spare feelings or would you refuse to do so because you care too much about the connection?

It's happened to me. And I keep my friend's ex as a friend if the break-up doesn't go too horrifically.

Of course, if the relationship goes to hell in a hand basket, I will try to respect my best friend's feelings before his/her ex.

But I've been lucky enough to watch things go down the drain and been able to keep both parties as a friend. Years later, we all actually get along well enough and often hang out. No hard feelings, just friendship.

I hope I'll be able to do the same. It did happen once before with the same friend but her boyfriend then was a very old friend of both of ours, so there was no question about it.

Unless he acts like a complete and utter asshole to her (i.e. cheating on her with a hooker and then giving her herpes), I fail to see how remaining friends with him after their relationship should be any sort of problem for her. People break up all the time, for lots of reasons, most of which should not be a question of whether you need to stay "loyal" to her by refusing to talk to him.

What could be a problem, however, is the slight hint of romantic affection you seem to feel for him*. She will probably, if that ever develops into anything, have an arguable problem with that. However, once a respectful amount of time has passed, if you two decide to date, simply let her know beforehand: "I know this might be difficult, but ____ and I are starting to develop something more than friendship. I thought it would be a good idea to let you know." That always seems to be the best course of action in those sorts of situations. (And under no circumstances give her the impression that if she's "not okay" with it, you'll break it off. Again, unless he did something truly horrible to her, she has no grounds to pull the veto card on your relationship with him.)



*Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think so, even if you haven't noticed it yet.

I very much doubt that he would cheat on her; he's not that kind of bloke. Hopefully it should all be a-ok considering the responses, and the former.

I had noticed it, although I find it immensely scary that you can pick up on that just from text. I tend to get this with most male friends. It's kind of like having a crush, but not one I would ever wish to act on. I find my male friends attractive but there is absolutely no part of me that wants to do anything. Besides, he's not my type.

Bros before hos.

Maturity instead of childishness.

Bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks.

I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.