Kitchen Item Hand Replacement
 

So let's say you sold your soul to the devil for a pretty tasty roasted pepper tart recipe, or something equally worthy of exchanging an eternity of existence for, and all the sudden, "NO NOT PART OF THE DEAL, SATAN!"

He removes both of your hands and uses them as batteries for his wristwatch, then offers to replace your severed hands with something lying around!

oh man quick

think think think

um um um

PIZZA CUTTERS! Wait, no-

Too late! The devil is gone!
And with the roasted pepper tart! >=(




Well, life's gonna get pretty rough from here on. The novelty of cutting everything with pizza cutters--steaks! turkeys! letters!--will get old fast, and then what do I do? I guess I can apply at Papa Johns part time, or join the circus. Fuck me.

It is up to you now to make a better decision on what you would want to have as your new hands. It can be anything kitchen related: pots, appliances, utensils; you name it.

Just don't go pizza cutters. Trust me. :(

The obvious choice is sporks. Need to eat some tasty applesauce? You'd be crying if you went with a fork, but no problem with the mighty spork. It's easy to defend yourself in a fight; stab your attacker with the pointy end, then scoop out their eyeballs with the spoon part.

Blender-handed Thud of death.
 

Blenders, Obviously!

I could use them to scoop things.

Twist them up really tight.

and kill rodents.

Garbage disposals, for the irony.

In-sink-erators. No one dares put their hands down that hole. Unfortunately the joys of delicate eating would be lost. :sadface:

I'd go with a cheese grater and a good ole' fork.

My left hand shall be a pink dog cake server and my right hand shall be a light-blue rocket spatula.

No exceptions to this new path in life will be made. Raddest dude in town? I think so.

One hand would be one of those nifty knives with the grooves on the blade that somehow keeps things from sticking to it as you cut them, and the other would be a beer bottle opener, so that I can be useful at parties.