Build a Relationship / Becoming Less Boring
 

I suppose this is a common situation, but nothing on Google really seems to hit home towards what I need. I'm open for advice, and also open for purchasing books related to this.

Background
I just started dating her earlier this week. I'm 21, she's 18. We both enjoy theater and acting, and overall have a good "click" together. Originally I met her through my roommate, who invited her over and we had a good time. From day 1 we had great chemistry, though it was hidden because my roommate was also interested in her. He had never acted on it, and they never clicked (partially because we were into each other). About a week ago we had talked, and more or less got the approval from him (didn't want to hurt his feelings, he's a close friend after all), and he was fine since they never hit it off.

Now that the entire forbidden aspect is gone, we spend more time together, which is where my problems are starting to begin. I want to address this head on right away because, despite only knowing each other a month, something feels very right and it's a relationship that I want to develop for us, and at the same time improve a lot of nuances about myself that I've always meant to fix, but haven't.

Part 1 - Relationship Books
For the first part of this, any good books on relationships (free or not) that you know of... please recommend. I could take all the "be yourself" advice, but there's a lot more I should know since past relationships have been more physical, which is not what I want anymore.

Part 2 - Becoming Less Boring
This is where I am weak, mostly because of my childhood. No details should be needed regarding my past, but I am generally an introverted person who enjoys social events, but I really fail at getting involved and tend to lurk. Deep down I really want to be more involved, but generally fall apart because the people I hang out with easily fill in all space and it's hard to break in.

I'm a very caring person, and on that level, I believe I'm very strong in the relationship. But I need to be more fun so that on days when we get out, I won't feel so awkward.

Thanks in advance for any advice and tips, I'll check the thread often and will listen!

Well, I dunno about relationship books. Becoming less boring, though, there is one recommendation I have. Usually it's used to GET dates, not keep a relationship going, but it works very well inside relationships as well, and just in social situations in general. A program called "cocky comedy" by David DeAngelo. It will help you in social situations immensely, if you work through the program completely, and give you a greater understanding of how to, for lack of a better term, be "THE MAN" in any type of socializing - parties, dates, you name it. It's pretty effin sweet.

Here's the direct link to it. It's kind of expensive overall, but you pay in smaller monthly installments so it works out well for us working stiffs. Definitely with the monthly price tag. He also gives a 30-day no-questions-asked moneyback guarantee so there's not really any risk.

Oh my God. I can't. I just can't.

An essential part of a "relationship" is enjoying hanging out, just hanging out. You're not always going to have something to do or talk about, get over it. My advice? Man the fuck up and quit your bitching. You were good enough to bag her, provided you don't overthink it too much you should be good enough to keep her.

Dude, be yourself. Not some book reading boyfriend. Parents fuck up their kids because they try too hard to be perfect. So answer this, do you want to fuck your girlfriend, or fuck up your girlfriend. If it's the latter, then by all means, study those books and overthink it like Frank was saying. Otherwise, just let the relationship happen. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Don't be a douche.

:tpg:

What Frankie said.

I should mention that reading books and getting advice from others is probably not the best way to explore how to improve your seedling of a relationship.

Like Frankie said, just hanging out together is a good place to start. When you say you have chemistry and all that shit, I imagine you had conversations at some point. Continue with the conversations - explore each other - ask questions, be inquisitive.

Dating isn't all about going out all the time or being socially active. Sometimes, just laying around the house all day watching movies and subsequently talking about them is a great way to go.

Being "more fun" is a perspective. If the girl likes you, being with you is fun enough. Do you really need to constantly be entertained in order to maintain this relationship? If this is the case, you're kinda doomed.

Actually, gotta agree with this one hundred percent, and I pose to you: Does SHE need to be constantly entertained in order to maintain this relationship? Don't make the mistake I did and get into a long-term (read: 2 1/2 year) relationship with a girl who has to be constantly entertained by you.

Becoming less boring... I've had a lame internal struggle with this my whole life. In every situation I'd always feel like I had nothing of interest to contribute, could do nothing to hold anyone's attention, and was just generally not an exciting or worthwhile person to be around.

But man, sitting there in the moment silently worrying that you're a boring douchebag is what makes you a boring douchebag. The trick is to stop giving a fuck what anybody thinks, what your girlfriend thinks, what your friends and people at parties think. Instead of reading relationship books INDULGE in something. Read some James Joyce for godsakes. Sing and dance like a fool whenever you feel like it, say whatever silly little thing comes in to your head, go fly a kite. Just be honest with yourself.

just be yourself

You say you don't want a simply physical relationship. Reading books about it isn't going to help you mate. Either you have a connection with this girl on a more platonic level or you don't. It's not the kind of thing you can work out by asking other people or looking it up in those shitty excuse for literature books you can get in self-help sections of bookstores.

Truly try to be less introverted. Take risks and open yourself up a little. I'm no socialite myself but it's worked in my case to put a little effort into something I saw as being worthwhile. Maybe this might help you with your above problem.

Before doing ANYTHING, pull out a 38-side die and do a constitution roll. Gets girls wetter than a fish in water.

Boring? Hardly! The excitement and unpredictability is endless!