BB's craptacular creations
 

So, at the risk of being flamed to hell, I thought I'd ask for some constructive criticism of my beginner's poetry. To start, a prewrite created after reading Richard Dawkin's Unweaving the Rainbow.

Comprehension

Inert, to the naked eye;
A blurry scope of honey-dipped horizons,
Cleft by pulsing fluency,
Sustained by the urgency of life.

Alien-scape, seems peculiar
Yet somehow closer than you'd dare to look.

The fundamental point
And source of all creation lies within.
So base, belies simplicity
Of unfeeling, unknowing function.

Formulas and numbers fail here in
This inexplicable complexity.