Relationship Advice...
 

Sorta. Basically- I'm a virgin. My boyfriend wants to have sex- he has had sex before. I do not know the story... when I asked him he said he has done it but it's not important, only thing important was us. I want to have sex with him, too... I think it's because I have never done it before that it's not so easy for me to just let myself go with him. Everytime we get started, I get this fear of my mom calling, the pain of intercourse for the first time makes me so nervous... I don't feel I am ready, but I do want to do it. Any advice (besides doing other things but sex) to get myself relaxed and to just do it?

Well look... how long's it been with this guy? Because it sounds not entirely unlike my situation a few years back.

I'm not bashful: I'm a pretty good-lookin' guy. Girls were knocking down my door for years. Problem is, I've also got some really conservative values. I didn't do it until I found a girl I really loved, and she had had sex before. We were together for about 2.5 years, and were even engaged for about a year of that. She promised she'd never cheat on me, hurt me, etc. I was happy to finally give up my virginity to her.

Then she cheated on me with an old buddy of hers... and a month later jumped into bed with some 18-year-old kid (I'm 23, she's 22) she had just met a week previous. She broke up with me, and I found out all this after the fact.

And now, I'm really wishing I'd never given it up to her, because there's nothing quite like entrusting your virginity to someone and then finding out later that you were just a piece of meat to them.

I know that's not what you wanna hear, but here's the bottom line: do you reeeaaaalllly trust the guy? If your virginity's important to you, that's really the only question that matters. If he's pushing you or getting impatient with you, I'd question his motivations.

That, or you could also not make such a big deal of it, and thus not be completely crushed when/if your trust is broken.

It's not that easy. Losing your virginity actually means something to some people.

I'm not sure there is any other way. Perhaps you're obsessing over it; the first time isn't so bad really. Thinking about all of the things that could happen to tarnish the experience will only make you more nervous. Just let it happen, let go of your worries and enjoy yourself.

The fact that this person created a thread on this topic suggest to me that they are someone who considers their virginity a big deal. Many people, such as yourself, don't. Nothing wrong with that view, but it is not shared by everyone. If this person could simply tell themselves "it's not a big deal," this thread probably wouldn't exist.

But to address the thread starter again...

If all you're worried about is it hurting the first time or your mom catching you or whatnot... superficial concerns, basically... then try to just take a deep breath and dive right in. However, if you're legitimately not sure you're ready for it, it's never good to feel pushed into it. If that's the case, a little more time can't hurt.

Why would you ask people on the Internet to answer questions you should answer yourself?

This forum is probably just an amusement park for people in the IRC chatroom.

Talk to your mom. Ask her how she felt the first time around. Get a REAL point of view that matters. Does she care if you do it anyway? I mean, what the hell's up with this mom's gonna call me when I do it stuff? Why don't you just buy a vibrator/dildo smaller than him and practice with that in order to gain some kind of confidence over the pain-to-be? Jeez.

For the most recent post- I cannot talk to my mom. Besides she said if she finds out I'm having sex she is kicking me out.


I talked to a friend about it and got a lot of my chest and basically I had this childish mindset that you should have sex with one person- who you are married to or plan to marry. Well majority of people don't, so I shouldn't feel like I am the only one who is having sex with my boyfriend and feel bad when/if we break up. I won't be the only one in that situation. So I basically am starting to change my feelings of sex to where I have it when I am ready, whether or not I will marry my boyfriend or not (this is not about marriage, it's about sex)... the only thing I ask, is that no matter what happens, I do not regret giving him my virginity.

Dark, how old are you?

Personally, I lost my virginity at 18 to a guy who broke up with me 3 weeks later. It hurt (emotionally, not phsyically) at the time, but now, I find that I don't regret it too much. It happened. And I was (and still am) one of those girls that takes sex very seriously.

I can't say that this will happen for everyone, but I figure that the reason that guy happened was basically to get me used to sex, so it didnt bother me as much. You figure, its gotta happen sometime, so if it does, as long as you're comfortable with it, take it as a learning experience.

And for god's sake, get on birth control if you're not already. Don't take any chances.

I'd advise you to sincerely consider why you place such value in your virginity and who has taught you to do so. For what reason is it of such importance to you?

Equally, you ought to consider what your feelings for this boy are and what you feel is the right thing to do.

Above all, realize that this is a gaming forum and the prowling grounds of people who are bored and immature. You are not going to get serious advice here, and even if it is serious, it will most likely come from people without any life experience. Find your mom and talk to her. Find your dad, your uncle, your fucking priest, whatever adult you trust and discuss this with them. What the hell kind of advice are gamers going to give you on virginity and sexuality? Fuckall girl, most of us haven't been laid. Granted, a small minority has and even of those, only a small minority is mature enough to understand themselves and the act.

Sure, chalk this up as a troll, but if you're sincere to find answers, go find someone older, someone who's been there and done that and knows what the fuck happened.

I am 19, almost 20.

It's not like I cherish my virginity... I guess I am not ready to do it and I'm starting to think it's my boyfriend because I don't think he is meaning to pressure me but I think I feel like it's expected of me now and I feel pressured. I don't want to tell him "Hey let's take sex out of the relationship for now"... but I just want to go back to where I could go to his room and we would talk, watch TV, and just lay in each other's arms.

Anyways, Neus, you are right. What the heck was I think? ^.^;;

Sorry, I doubt most people here are gamers like it used to be years ago. Nyet nyet nyet. Good luck with your quest for glory, Chocolate. This fight requires 350 shadow resistance gear. With that in mind, this whole forum should be torn down!

This coming from the guy who cited the Chat Brigade(tm) five posts up. Smooth, real smooth.

Edit: Damnit, I gotta stop taking people seriously.

I honestly think you should wait.. b/c you want to do it but you don't sound too confident about it.

I think, you should sit back and think about it.. and don't let him pressure you into it.. I get the feelin that he is trying to pressure you..

Mainly women, nerds and guys who have no balls.

As for the OP, if you want to do it, then just do it. Obviously your hesitation is a sign that you aren't sure you want to so you should probably think long and hard about it. heh, long and hard. :tsp:

Virginity is not that big of a thing unless you make it one. If you intend to wait until marriage, then emotionally you're not ready to physically commit to this guy since you're not sure if he's the "one". But if you truly are fine with losing your virginity to him (and not subjected to pressure or hormones), even though you're not positive he is the "one", then you really don't mind the whole marriage thing so just stop antagonizing over it and let things happen.

Personally for me, talking about birth control is premature, especially if you don't know if you'll be having sex consistently beyond that first time. Keep around decent condoms (not the one sitting in his wallet since his last girlfriend and probably not the free ones at your school's health clinic) and you should be fine.

Wow, that's a bold face lie. I have to admit, for the most part I don't care who i do it with but I do look back at my 1st time and I wish it had been under other circumstances that didn't involve me being drunk..

As for Birth control... even if you don't know if you are gonna be doing it often or not, it's more efficient then condoms and also less of a struggle. Condoms can break and also if there are no condoms available at the exact moment that you and your b/f are getting in the mood for it, it saves time and it doesn't kill the mood.

Birth control is not more efficient than condoms and are more of a struggle. First she's got to find a gyno, get something prescribed, wait until her period comes to start and then wait a couple more days for insurance. Then she's got to remember to take it at the same time everyday until she does the deed to make it all worthwhile. And anyway, doing it without a condom is risky since he's not a virgin, however small the chances he's packing some STD down under. Even if you do decide on birth control, use a condom everytime anyways until he gets tested.

Condoms do fail so don't get shit condoms and they will be less likely to break. Don't put the condoms in your giant pins drawer and keep them around any place you may engage in sex (I'm sure the list of places is short).

Each person's opinion is different. However, make sure you do not have your opinion and values swayed by another's. From what I have read, you are wavering back and forth. On something such as this, you should not be wavering. You need more time to think this out (which you seem to have decided on which is good). Time is something you have. If your boyfriend does not understand this, then that is his problem. I know that's an easy to say mentality, but hard to act out, but given your thoughts, feelings and concerns (along with some things other members have mentioned), it is the best at this point (in my opinion).