Bright VS Bleak - Open VS Close - For once... I can't sort it out...
 

This will probably be one of the few times I post in this forum, mostly due to recient events keeping me from comming here. However, I need to get this out before I lose it completely.


And before I post this, I do not post this in my journal because some of the comments this post may recieve I feel I may need to hear regardless what I may want to hear. That is why.



I moved to where I currently am 2 years ago. Before which as some of you may know, I was homeless for about a year due to specifics with my mother's dumbass of a husband. Anyways... I moved to the state of Wisconsin of my own accord and not necessicarily of a particular thing or reason.



I wanted to be away from the family, though as much as they really wanted me to stay. I knew I couldn't and I didn't want to. Not to say I didn't hold love toward my family. I just need to move onward and branch out.

It started out as friendship. For 9 years this one girl was there to listen to me as I was there to listen to her. She offered me a place to live and I took it.

So I moved in with her, obtained employment roughly 2 weeks afterward, and finally got an apartment a few weeks after that. But that friendship grew from then into a loving relationship.


I did know her for many years beforehand as she knew me the same. I wasn't trying to rush things or make them difficult. Everything about her just breathed life into me as I was probably the only person to show her in sense some true happiness.


Time went on and on July 24, 2006, our son Angelus was born. Yeah, I couldn't hold back the tears that morning and I don't think many really could. My son, my boy. At that moment I felt like this was where I belonged. That at this moment I finally have a family of my own.


Angel's birthday is in another week. It's been a year since that day. And what bothers me the most is that the woman I loved and adored so much told me that she lost all the love she had for me... the day our son was born.



She told me this last week. She wants to remain friends and she doesn't want me to leave and to be honest, I don't want to. But I think what really hurts the most is that even after all of that, it feels like nothing's changed physically.


I still love her. I always will love her. I don't want to forget and I don't know how I'm going to proceed from it. It hurts so damn bad, just to wake up and see her... but know that we're just friends. Or when I sleep (we have no bed so both of us sleep on the floor in the living room), she would roll over and cling to me and I'd be awake... in tears.



So for those who read, I don't know what to think anymore. My mind has been shattered, my heart feels ripped out from its once resting place in my chest. I feel dead, not necessicarily wishing it so don't get it the wrong way.

dude, put yourself in her shoes

you named the kid angelus

who wouldn't lose all love for you

First post: Ouch.

Second post: Double ouch.

Well, what can you do? Rekindle that love? I really do pity you, but you've been through lots of tough times. If you can support yourself, move on. You did it once before.

It wasn't just my choice. She wanted that name too.

Shit dude, that is rough as hell. Try to talk shit out with her, tell her how you feel. Maybe there's been a communication breakdown or something like that. If she hadn't sat on that for so bloody long, it'd be hella easier, but it's been a while. There's probably still hope if you can remind her why she got with you in the first place. Gotta keep things fresh and exciting, man, or boredom happens. Passion is the opposite of boredom. If you love her that much, then fucking show her. Take her out, try something new together, find new things to connect over.

And remember, while communication is key in any relationship, love is expressed purely through actions.

Best wishes, sir!

I will try not to be a jerk, despite impulses.

When someone does not love you, but once did, there is very little you can do. Pushing the issue will only bear further resentment. If it is an internal struggle within the other person, that is their battle and you cannot fight it for her. You will want to remain, to help them fight, but many times that loyalty goes unappreciated.

It's possible to remain friends, as well you should for the child's sake. But don't be foolish and develop a grudge that will create a bad atmosphere for your son.

But seriously, Angelus? Do you want him to come home from school with gaping flesh wounds each day?

Just nickname him "Angelo" and never reveal his true name to anyone.

I'm not going to try and be nice.

You have fucked your son forever. Angelus is the worst name I've heard for a kid, short of Sephiroth. If she leaves you, it might be because she's grown up with motherhood and lost interest in a whiny, emo prat. I sincerely hope your child realises how much of the pain in his life could have been avoided simply by his parents not jerking off on the "name" slot on his birth certificate.

Name the next one Buffy, and I'm sure karma will show up at your house with a bat and rape you with it.

Now, now. Let's all be fair here. Kiri may be mormon; they are hot for weird names.

If you're not mormon, I suggest moving to Utah to find your fortune. For your son's sake.

My son's name has nothing to do with the problem I am having. Both myself and my son's mother wanted that name for our child and trust me, there are alot of worse names out there.


So can we keep off my son's name here?




I can tell you for 100% that my son's name is NOT the reason why she doesn't want to be with me... And his name didn't originate from a television show. It's the masculine form as Angela is the feminine form of the name

Pretty sure Angela is feminine, and Angelo is the masculine =o

And Angelus is... Uhm... Neither =( Maybe he'll grow up to be tough? Takes a girly/weird name to make a tough guy at times~

http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Angel


Stop asking shit regarding my son's name!!! I didn't make this thread for that. Angelus and Angelo are the same thing. Angelo is more popular of a word than Angelus but they have the same bearing meaning...

Guys, can we just lay off the name and help him with his relationship issue? I mean haw haw and that but this is the Advice Column. You've had your jollies. It's not like anyone around here hasn't had or hasn't known someone with a name that was considered odd. Personalities tend to erase those names. I once knew a dude named Jan which duh is typically a girl's name. Really awesome dude and we giggled about his name and shit but he was a cool enough dude and it kind of enhanced his personality.

Moving back to the topic...

Hey, isn't there that thing that tends to happen to mothers within the first year of giving birth that really fucks with their chemicals and makes them depressed or prone to make really stupid decisions? I don't know what it's called so someone back me up with facts here if they can but that might be it, Kiri. No offense or anything but that's the first thing that pops to mind. Also, is she taking anything? Not trying to be Dr. Acer here but it might help.

Alright, for real though, I don't know you but making the mother of your child sleep on the floor sounds shitty. I'm willing to bet that you guys have a really poor financial situation, but you can still buy mattresses from Craigslist or something for pretty cheap.

"Lurker, you asshole, what does being poor have to do with my girlfriend leaving me?!? you're just making fun again!" That is partially true, but showing your woman that you are responsible and have the well-being of both her and your unfortunately-named son at heart may be what keeps you from a messy breakup.

Unfortunately there will be a breakup. Buy a twin sized mattress.

Hey, I said the same thing in GFChat and got laughed at!

Because, apparently, I'm only a dick and enjoy trolling. Who knew!

Well, I sent you a PM, Kiri, after you closed the thread, so I don't know what else to say!

Rit knowing you it was something like 'lol bitches be crazy'

folks don't respond well to that!

What DOESN'T piss you off?

Additional Spam:
Nah, I was told him, if it is definitely over, there's not much he can do other than maintain a friendship and stay in his son's life.

I also told him that instead of thinking it over or dwelling on it, that he should go help other people out and see that everyone else has some sort of problem as well, it will help get his mind off of it on two different levels.

The worse advice anyone can give after a breakup is "Take some time to yourself and think about it."

That's like giving some suicidal motherfucker a gun, and a locked room, and telling him to have fun in there.

Kiri is a him? I thought for certain it was a girl who wound up in a lesbian relationship, somehow got impregnated and was abandoned by a dyke lover who's just not into the MILF thing.

Because, you know, the first post sounds really feminine.

Well, anything is possible with the internetz.

Remember Sarah?

Well then... for starters yes I'm a guy. Kiri means imaginary object that never fades away (existance in a nutshell). No she didn't sleep on the floor during her pregnancy. Yes, we do have a bed (a fold out futon with two matts) which she can't sleep on due to her back being arched along the spine.


No it isn't a matter of being poor or not having funding for bedtime equipment. Hard surfaces work better for myself and for her at bedtime and we prefer it (as weird as it would sound to anyone else).


And yes, I'm sure of it myself after the events that it could be postpartum depression. While I'm still torn up through all of this, I don't plan to leave her. I have larger priorities, bigger than our relationship as it was then and even now that mean more to me.


I really appreciate the opinions, but I don't think I'll just walk away. So I'm closing this thread.


Thanks.