Deciding not to bother.
 

Excuse the length and tone of this post - it was originally supposed to be a journal entry, but I thought the concept of Not Bothering so important, therapeutic and discussion worthy that it deserved the attention of the masses.


I was sitting there, in shorts and t-shirt, which were suitably tempered by the body through their having had a whole night full of movement and warmth with each other. An after-breakfast cup of tea in hand, and my favourite webpage in front of me. The set up sounds good enough, but it just doesn't work when you know there are things to be done later in the day. You're going to have to get up, you're going to have to leave the house. You've got it all mapped out, you have an image in your head of each of the various locations you'll need to be at later on. There's a checklist in your mind and all the boxes are empty. The rest of the day is a meticulous flow diagram. How tiresome.

So I sat there with my tea, thought about the coming day a bit longer. Then in a sudden instant I thought: "Nah". It's brilliant. In one deft mental maneuver the flow chart melts away, all of the images and locations in your head disappear, you're wearing your shorts and t-shirts again, and nothing exists beyond your warm domain, unless you want it to. The clear well-plotted path you had through the day is suddenly an overgrown and untrodden jungle which you can now machete your own adventurous way of discovery through. Or you can just stay sitting there.

I did this the other day, and instead of banks, libraries, post offices, shops, newspapers, clothes, public toilets, the weather, a sausage roll out of Sayers and impromptu meetings with people I've long grown apart from, I climbed into the loft and read a few dusty books from my childhood under a torch. I listened to music, I read books. My bed was prominent throughout. Also, I was able to drink tea out of a mug, and I stirred my sugar with a spoon, which was made of metal. As good as these small activities were, the high point of the day was still that focused moment of time, a second in duration, where my mind - without prior meditation on the thought - just flicked a switch, and in that moment I magicked a whole day out of existence, making all of those later joys possible - and I knew it full well at the exact moment it happened.


Have you decided not to bother recently? Tell us why it was great. I'm aware there have been similar subjects in the past, but the replies tend to be along the general "I am the type of person who procrastinates" lines. Instead, this is for specific examples of when you decided not to bother in recent memory, and how it felt good. There's a lot of guilt attached to not bothering; heres hoping some positive accounts showing it's good for the soul can help strip some of that away.

While I can't say that I've ever done that in regards to my daily agenda, because of school and the necessity of studying the text in order to pass classes that I paid hundreds of dollars for, I can testify that I've passed up quite a few things because of the bother.

The most recent being a girl. She's not that bad or anything, in fact she's a pretty nice person through and through, but the amount of baggage she was lugging around with her would have smothered me. Now don't get me wrong, I love being in relationships. It's great to feel wanted, and to do all of the things that couples do, but there's a make-it-or-break-it threshold I have with girls and dating them.
This girl had quite a past that I didn't want to deal with. I don't want to go into specifics, but she used to be a drug addict (hard drugs), and her brain's obviously been affected by the heavy use. I feel kind of bad not dating her because of that, but it would be impossible for me to bother with her when I have so much else on my plate.

And in the end it feels good knowing that I won't have to deal with it. I feel bad because I have to constantly turn her down for dates and the like, and I have so much empathy for her because she's told me everything that happened to her...but I'm determined not to bother with a girl like that when I deserve so much better.



Wow, I just read that back and I sounded so selfish. Meh, I guess it can't be helped.

I wish more people had your kind of logic in regards to dating people.

Anywho, my life is a big clusterfuck of decisions where I don't bother. I chose not to bother to do my best throughout my school years. I chose not to bother sticking with my job regardless of my financial situation. I chose not to bother staying in college with my incredibly awkward class-size.

Etc. Etc.

It wasn't all lounging around, eating bon-bons like Kolba, though.

I think to myself, "why bother" every day. If you break it down, it seems so ridiculous why we travel far from our family and our home to spend 8 hours every day with a bunch of strangers. That we, as a people, give stupid pieces of paper (money) such value. We never take time to enjoy life like when we were children and "didn't know any better". We live our lives, wishing the time away that we spend at work. We spend 8 hours of our day sleeping, 8 hours at work; that only leaves about 1/3 of our life actually to do things that matter to us (although, most that THAT time is spent getting ready for work, or getting ready for bed anyway)

Sometimes I wonder if we are not the stupidest life form on this planet.

A week or two ago I was having a really horrible couple of days, and I just didn't feel like dealing with anything at the time. I had one of those lovely "why bother?" moments while driving back to school for an afternoon class, because I was likely going to be about 30 seconds late. That professor is incredibly nice except for disturbances, so I used it as an excuse to just keep driving down the interstate to Best Buy instead. Picked up FF VI Advance and Diddy Kong Racing DS, and then just messed around on GFF from a campus computer lab until it was time for my last class that I couldn't skip.

It turned a really shitty day into a wonderful one very quickly.

There was a day when I was torn between class and a friend who was going to leave the country for a few years.

I was feeling pretty bad that day, too, so when he wanted to go and just spend some time fooling around as friends, class at that point, was in my opinion, 'Oh what the heck, screw classes. I'm smart enough to be able to catch up.'

And yes, it did turn out to be a rather nice time, and perhaps a rather valuable one, because the buddy of mine will be in Melbourne for his studies for 3 years or more.

Sometimes it's right to just ignore certain things, even when it feels wrong.

Yes. One day during school (close to my finals actually) I was so burnt out and stressed that I just couldn't anymore. I sat down, played some videogames, didnt pick up a SINGLE TEXTBOOK, read, drew my own shit, watched TV, chilled on the internet, and just had some freaking ME TIME. It was the most refreshed I'd been in months. Can't do that everyday, but sometimes you just have to for your own health and sanity.

I do this too often. It's reached the point that I don't feel any good while I'm zoning out doing nothing, and I feel terrible afterwards about everything I should've been pursuing. I'm desperate to go engage myself in something fascinating and novel which doesn't require effort towards something I'm not interested in (see: school). I want to go somewhere, hang out with friends, whatever. I feel best when I'm actually doing something around people - Last Monday I meandered around town with four very good friends, and it's the best time I've had in an age. To be sitting around idling when I have the opportunity to do something like that would be a regrettable waste.

Even so... I fail at motivation.

I recently had a couple of days where I decided not to bother. I've been getting mountains of homework and assignments from school; every evening I just felt like I had no leisure time. It was all saturated by work and there was not an ounce of time to play video games, watch TV, or just plain relax.

It was great a few days ago when I just did what I wanted to do - no obligations. The bad thing is, I've accumulated more work now due to my laxness. Hopefully I can catch up on the weekend, a weekend with no fun that is. =/

I usually get the "don't bother" feelings when theres someone or someting new in my life. It feels like time is much better spent getting to know the new person or thing, so I blow off other more mundane responsibilities. I'll take time out to do more exciting and adventurous things.

I can't say I really blow off work too much, though. I have once or twice in the summertime where I just want a break and I take a day off to go putz around in the woods or something.

But sometimes, on the weekend or holiday, I'm supposed to be DOING things - when I just say "fuck it, I'm not doing it" and I lay in bed and chill all day. Everyone needs a "personal" day once and a while to kick back and do absolutely nothing.