Fixing a broken Wii.
 

So hey guys, I took a fat fucking dump in my wii. I took it apart, see, and I just shit ALL OVER IT.

Why did I do this? I saw a video. I was told that filling the Wii with fecal matter would allow it to have 8 wiimotes connected at once! I don't have 8 wiimotes, and no games will ever use that many, but I took preemptive action and did it anyway, just in case!

But something bad happened! Now my wii smells like poo, and it doesn't even work. It's strange! I followed the video tutorial EXACTLY! So I took the wii to a friends house, and thought it might be the sensor bar causing the problem! But it wasn't!

So how to I fix the Wii?I heard puring bleach on it will take the smell out, but I dunno how to fix the other problem!

And you know what else? I phoned Nintendo customer support! I phoned them, and this weird guy with an Irish accent (at least I think it was Irish, the call was directed to Japan! Those fucking kilt wearing bastards!) was a total idiot! It says no where that pooping in your Wii is a violation of the warranty! What kind of crap is that?

This Wii is too expensive to flat out replace! It's like, 800000 Canadian dollars!

By the way is there any homebrew on the old Game and Watch Galleries?

Stickied!

C'mon guys! Help this man pronto! What happens when the next one of us takes a huge ol' dump in our Wiis. I was planning to do this tomorrow and now that I know that it might be disaster we need to run some lab tests to see if there is an antidote to patch this baby up.

Also, we might need that video, Skills. FOR SCIENCE! :forscience:

If I post it, I'm afraid some people who shall remain nameless will try it and just get the method wrong though! We don't need more people ruining their purchase!

(Or that of a family members)

I believe we need the method and fecal content data before we can help you fully, Skills. Help us help you! =o

Well, my diet for the last day consisted of spicy nachos, corn chowder, some brownies, a significant amount of milk, pancakes, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

My poop size was approximately 18 grams, and I would estimate that it had a size of 10 cubic centimeters.

Well there's your problem, you didn't eat nearly enough processors, video cards, and RAM. I guess that video just assumes that everyone knows how to make good console fertilizer.

Your poo was not as symbiotic as the one in the video. That is my best guess.

You don't know enough about shitting.

You need years of experience to do something like this!

But I saw a video man, how the hell could I do it wrong? He made it look so easy. Just contract the ass muscles and away you go.

You guys are all stupid. As a professional Wii technician, I was taught, by Nintendo themselves, at Professional Wii Technician University, that the only fecal matter capable of providing beneficial effects on a Wii is the fecal matter from a very specific breed of dog, predictably enough the shih-tzu.

Remember, you gotta lay off the enemas.

An English-speaking Rep called me regarding an issue I had. He suggested a few things but one thing is certain. There was no mention of poo.

No, no homebrew games are out there, and I'm keeping up with most of that sort of news.

You may want to start with shitgrading an NES up to 4 controller slots, and once you master that, same for SNES, and work your way up.

Are you sure you got enough poo in there? Maybe if you tried with more poo...

YouTube Video

Why is this still stickied?

For science! :forscience:

Science has failed us, and I blamed the stickiness of this thread for GFF's recent crashability.

Maybe it could become something useful. Like telling me how to fix a broken Wiimote.

Step 1: Apply directly to forehead.
Step 2: See Step 1.

Ah! So it requires a mix of mental power and body heat. I see now!

I think the problem lies in the part with the shitting. What direction were you facing? It must be north, because otherwise it'd fail. DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?

Also, what kind of dump was it? It has to be a pure 100% dump. Well, at least as less water included than needed.

Some people don't poo for days, just to make sure this goes alright. How long did you hold it?