boy issues.
 

I have a problem. I posted about this in my journal, but I want to see what kind of responses I get here.

Backstory:
BOY likes GIRL A both as a friend and as something more. GIRL A (i have been told) is nice to BOY out of courtesy moreso than friendship.

BOY likes GIRL B. GIRL B likes BOY. BOY holds GIRL B's hand at the movies. GIRL B thinks that BOY likes her, but is confused because he already likes GIRL A. GIRL B likes the attention.

i am GIRL B.
The movie thing happened about three weeks ago. He would call me nearly every day afterward to talk about nothing, and we hung out a few times afterwards. He liked giving me hugs but nothing more. Despite this affection, I didn't know if it was genuine given his blatantly obvious attraction to GIRL A; I sort of felt like he was leading me on towards friends-with-benefits territory or even less, which I didn’t like.

Two weeks ago I told him, while he was helping me with math, we had a conversation where I pretty much told him I wanted to be “just friends”. I didn’t actually believe that I wanted to be just friends, I just told him this because I though that’s what he would want to hear, given his relationship or lack thereof with GIRL A. (I KNOW THAT THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.) He did not get hostile; he was just very untalkative from that point on to pretty much everyone but GIRL A. I texted him and told him that, despite my previous words, I did like him as more than a friend. He has not given me a proper response to this message. I have continued to be talkative to him but he pushes me away.

This past week he was still somewhat grumpy. We were going to get ice cream together on Wednesday, and he told me to ‘call him anytime’. I call him at 5 and he is busy; he calls back later, realizes what time it is, and tells me he has to study with a friend for a test. I didn’t really mind but I was kind of put off by the fact that he implied he wasn’t busy when he was. He suggested that we hang out on Thursday, but yet again, something impromptu comes up and we don’t. He had to make weight for a sport and this may have been a source of stress for him.

My questions...
how much longer until this all blows over?
can i even still be friends with this kid?
do i still have a chance with him romantically?
is it worth having a crush on this guy if he is already infatuated with somebody else and shows no signs of stopping?

Yeah, it sounds like you were his back-burner girl more than anything. I'd say move on if you're actually looking for something that's more than casual.

awesome. that's pretty much what i figured. D:
at least i know i wasn't too far off in my doubts.

A possibility is that he liked you just as much, then got upset when you said you only liked him as a friend cause he saw that as a mixed signal when combined with your handholding and other affections previously. Granted, he needs to just get over it and stop acting like a wounded little kid if that's the case, but I thought I'd just toss that in there so he doesn't seem like such a villain. Even if he is.

I had this exact same scenario happen to me a couple of months ago, with two cockteasers/women under the age of 30/princesses young ladies on my tail, one who I vastly preferred over the other. So my insights might be of some value.

By about three weeks down the track he is still angry at you for attacking his inner child with this "let's just be friends" line, and is still pining over GIRL A.

By about two months down the track, you and he are back on speaking terms, but it is not a friendship he particularly values, and there is not much romantic interest, although he would probably still have sex with GIRL B if it was offered to him on a plate, and he is still pining over GIRL A.

It's kind of harsh but it might help you move on.

The way I see it - he's nothing short of a dick. (lolol short, get it? short of a dick.. heheh.. heh.. aaanyway)


It'll blow over when you realise that he's nothing short of a dick (see above) and move on. It looks like he might be taking advantage of you to suppress his failure with Girl A. Let's just face it - he'll never get Girl A.

Sure, if you want to - but it's up to him too, it has to be mutual you know. Otherwise it's just a waste of your time and effort.

Do you still want to have a chance with him romantically? Again, it's up to both of you, but I'm warning you - he might just see you as some tool/substitute for Girl A. I don't think you'd want to be anyone's tool or sub, but (again) - that's entirely up to you.

No. Move on. You're just making it harder for yourself. He won't give a damn unless he's ultimately given the chance to nail you and throw you away like a ragdoll just to give him a chance to expose his true emo-self. Sorry to have put it forth in such a blatant and harsh way, but I find no other means of explaining this to you.

huzzah, hold your head up high

I'm not really sure how a guy liking one girl more than another makes him a dick, guys (if he really does like A more than B) but the rest of what they're saying is pretty true. If he's obsessed over someone else, don't waste your time because no matter how "worth it" the person underneath seems to be, you probably won't get to that while he's pining for her. Better to live your life and be someone desireable to others so that you can enjoy yourself, and maybe he'll notice just how desireable you seem to be, and will forget entirely about girl A.

I still wouldn't be surprised if he was hurt by the "let's just be friends" mixed-signals thing, but it's childish. I should know, I've done it my fair share of times in the past - hating someone because they gave me mixed signals. Retarded, but it happens.

Because he's using her to feel better about himself? Geez, read the post will you?

Or perhaps he just likes one girl more than another, and "using her" has nothing to do with it. I'm not saying I'm right, I'm offering a non-cynical possibility.

You're offering a naive viewpoint on this. Just face the facts, there is no such thing as liking one girl more than another when you're a boy. If a guy "likes" you, he only likes you because he most definitely wants to nail you, or there is someone else who's hotter and he'd rather fuck that girl, but he just doesn't have the balls to tell you and let you go.

Can we back up to the part where you told him you wanted to be just friends and then later on you told him you didn't want to be just friends, you want to be more? It's no wonder guys think we play mind games, woman! He probably thinks you're either extremely fickle or extremely immature.

Have you tried being very direct with him and just asking him flat out what his feelings are for you and what they are for Girl A? That would seem like the best approach, but I could be wrong.

yes. he was not very direct.
"are you and GIRL A going out?"
"umm, no, not really."
i mean wtf. and yeah i sent mixed signals, i know.

right now i'm over it. i learned more about this kid today and i really have no attraction towards him whatsoever. thanks for the input - killy, i pretty much agree with what you said. i'm going to close this because i feel i have resolved the issue myself, but i appreciate the responses on the topic.