Dating for musicians...?
 

Here's my problem. I meet girls, and some of them are so damn hot, good looking, cute, but I date them and then I realize... they will never hear sound the way I hear it. And call me an elitest, but when I realize that they will never hear music as beautifully as I hear it, I look find myself looking down on them, believing that my perspectives on life are of deeper and greater meaning than theirs.

So what kind of girls do you all date? I don't know what I'm looking for anymore. I mean, I'd love someone who could play violin/piano duets with me, but I find these girls so rare (or at least where I live) to have talent and good looks... or when I find them, they are so jaded by society they don't really give a shit to use the talent they have. But recently I met a girl, REAL pretty, and very attractive. Great personality and conversationalist, but she can't keep rhythm, nor can she play an instrument... or sing! sigh. Maybe I should just settle? :eyebrow:

That is... wow... honestly that is one of the most arrogant things I've ever heard, Rocket. I'm a musician myself, and I winced when I read this. This isn't a matter of not finding the right woman, it's about having a glaring character flaw and alienating people with it. You need to relax and come down off your high horse a little.

Solution: date your Sigur Ros cds. sure, your parents will complain at first, but they'll come to realize that it's for the best.

Edit: wow, the more I think of it, the more lol it becomes. You can't date chicks because they don't notice how bad mp3s in 128 kbs are? What sort of defective are you?

Well rocketdog, I think it might be good that if you found a girl that you really liked you could introduce her and develop her inclination towards classical music. Nobody's perfect in this world. Of course, it would be an added bonus if your other half could play an instrument. Nevertheless, you could also teach her - its never to late to start music. If all else fails, should could try to conduct the make-believe Russian National Orchestra (which is actually the Hi-Fi system playing a Minus one music) while you hammer away at the Rach 3! :)

Well, don't you feel like the woman you date shouldn't at least have the ability to comprehend music? Or am I really being a dick here? Like seriously, let me know, cause obviously I can't tell =/

I admit that I prefer it if she can talk music with me, but I also prefer it if she digs Final Fantasy VI. However, I don't need it for a functional relationship. By basically stating "if she doesn't dig on musical theory, I can't respect her" you're saying that she has to bend to your habits, your hobbies. Why is it that important? Maybe she knows more about philosophy than you, or literature. Is it fair for her to say you don't understand Richard Rorty's treatise on language as it relates to personhood, so you're beneath her? I'm just saying that what you need to do is find a middleground, rather than forcing them into this tiny little box you've created. You can't learn something from your partner if they're identical to you, mate. Embrace the differences, enjoy music the way you want to, and don't expect everyone to understand it. It's something that's unique to you, and not everyone can have that. Just enjoy music in your own way, try and let them see what it does for you, and if they get it, great... if not, don't push it. Just relax and enjoy them for their qualities, instead of trying to enjoy them for yours.

TQP or Sewers?

I'm feeling benevolent, TQP it is... for now.

You know I totally know what you mean. Ok I wouldn't say no if she just tells me that music isn't important part to her but when I break out a chords and scales as warm up and then she tells me how nice that peice I played was is shattering, Not the fact that she's just compimenting me on scales but because it doesn't matter what sort of peice I play for her its going to be 'just notes' and later she'll go back to her hiltop hoods and her top 30 charts.

But at the end of the day I play music cause I like it and don't give a shit if people arn't lining up to see me play but still it would be nice to share a bit of Debussy with a woman who appreciated it.

Oh and go out with hot chicks woh don't get real music cause you might eventually convert them.

Ok... I LOVE stock car racing. And it would be great to have a girl that is very interested in it as well, or at least enjoys it. But guess what? There aren't many out there...

As a result, I don't think about whether she races a car or not, or enjoys the races. I look at other things. Does she have a personality I am attracted to? Is she funny, caring, and concerning? Does she understand my feelings, and do we get along well?

Its stuff like that. At the very least, look to see if she is open towards it. Such as my case, if she doesn't know about it, at least I need to know she is open towards learning about it, and possibly begin to enjoy it and become involved with it.

So basically what you're saying is that no girl could ever hear or appreciate music the way you do? If I'm wrong, please correct me. If I've got it right, WHAT THE HELL. I know plenty of females with musical ability.

Like Deni, I WINCED at your opening post. In fact, I had to calm myself down by the end of the posts (wherein I encountered Alice's post and calmed down immediately.)

I really can't imagine DATING a guy like you. Someone who thinks that they have music all figured out.

Look, I know that a woman with NO appreciation for music would be annoying, but I am sure you're being a little over-the-top here. It's insane for you to say that no woman you know can appreciate music like you do.

Maybe you should stop chasing the hot tail and look into a person's character instead of her clevage. Maybe you'll actually find what you're looking for in the perfect body.

A person is not their taste in music. Someone liking a certain kind of music says nothing about their character. It's just their taste, and that's subjective. But thinking you're better or smarter than someone because of their taste in music does say something about your character.

I think everybody has qualities that must be present in their partner, and that's fine. If someone wants to start a family, then obviously their partner has to want that, too. Some people won't marry outside of their religion. That sort of thing.

Taste in music, by comparison, is a pretty shallow dealbreaker.

By the way, are you into classical music, rocketdog? I've noticed classical fans, moreso than any other group of listeners, tend to have that elitist kind of attitude. You know, where they ONLY listen to classical music and nothing else. Every other kind of music fan hates that and tend to look at the close-minded classical fans as dorks. Sorry if that's not you, but I sort of wanted to get that off of my chest anyway.

He seems to be saying that, so far, he has not found any that have a musical understanding near to what he has; or those that do, don't have nearly the same passion as he does for it. I don't know how anyone is getting the idea that he is bashing all women, saying that it is not possible for them. He is just stating his experience.

Rocketdog, you just have to decide how vitally important this is to you and the relationship that you would like to build. If you decide that it is very important (though some may ridicule you for the apparent absurdity of this decision), then it is not a good idea to settle. However, if the girl you are interested in is also interested in developing an understanding of music similar to your own, then that also may be good.

Also, should you decide this is very important, don't be too picky if you should find someone who somewhat fits the bill. For example, if the ignorance is glaringly obvious, like she doesn't even know what a scale is, and couldn't care less, then I can understand. You might as well drop her. But if you get up in arms over the fact that she doesn't know all the chord changes to Wagner's Tannhauser, then definitely get your head out of your ass.

Quoting for further emphasis.

Date a girl with good taste. She doesn't need to LOVE the music you like, just understand it's good.

Don't be a douche shit about it, though.

I often find that musicians tend to date other musicians, because their passion is such a huge part of their life, more so than any other hobby or interest, that they need to be able to share it with someone who can comprehend it. I'm a musician myself and have only dated girls with some sort of musical background, allthough I often find myself attracted to those that see things differently than myself, those that challenge me into different directions. I don't think I need a girl who is a musician though, but she would have to be able to understand why I spend so much time with my music, and she should have a passion of her own.

I think you should look at what other qualities are important in a relationship than being able to talk about music.

Hey, this is a classical music elitist. Don't bring Sigur Rós into this. :mad:

My problem, I think, is that you're right, music is a huge part of my life, and I don't want to waste my life "teaching" someone about music no matter how great we get along.

It's a problem of sacrificing "musical development" with another musican of any caliber, or just dating someone I'm attracted to in personality.

But mrosok I think you're right. I suppose if music is my passion, and she has hers, then it should be chill. And if we can both appriciate eachothers passions, then I can just grow with musician friends. You're right, why does my lover have to also share the exact same interest... that would definetly be a bore (as many others had said here).

Yes, you are partly correct in saying that. However, I think this kind of attidude is developed by the fact that classical music is a very niche area and a lot of people are ignorant to it. I was ignorant to it 5 years ago and now have that as a huge regret.

I do not beleive in choosing my relationships according to the girls taste in music. However, I will admit that it is a bonus because any relationship can prosper better on similar interests.

Or it could be that you hang around with a lot more she-musicians than she-not-musicians. Whatev.

I think what the music fags seem not to notice that you don't have to perform music in order to appreciate it. Nah, don't get mad. this site is crawling with guys who want girls who are nerdy and wapanese, seeming to think that not only would it be rad to date someone who is your potential better, but that such girls are the only ones who wouldn't mock their hobbies.

But, you know, you can still dump her if she doesn't like Sigur Ros*. If you're going to be an elitist prick, all you deserve are elitist pricks. It'd be better for all really. I could tell you that you're closing yourself off to a whole world of variety but quite honestly, I don't think you'd appreciate that variety.

* love is dead, Capo

Music is important to me as well. I dated a girl in high school who had totally different taste in music from me. I'll admit, it was tough but it is something that you will have to adapt to. Understandably, music is your passion however if you really like the girl you will learn to compromise. For the most part, you are being too judgemental and critical. Music taste is only a small dimensions or a person's personality and should not be the dealbreaker here. I'm sure you can find a handful of reasons to stay with her despite the disagreements in music.

But in all honesty, you definitely sound like a huge asshole in your opening post.

Yeah, I got the same impression off the first post. Hopefully it becomes understandable that specific common interest isn't everything.

Yes you are being a dick. Whether or not you intend to, I'm guessing you don't mean to be, but you are. There's no way to sugar coat it, but hey you asked.

Do you think it's cool if some girl looked down on YOU for not having the same talent she has in say... poetry? It wouldn't matter, either way, I think it's a really disgusting way to dismiss anyone, as though you were the creator of music itself.

Music is a huge part of my life, I think guys who can sing is a huge plus and those who could play an instrument is another big bonus. They're both very attractive qualities in a guy. Unfortunately my husband is practically tone deaf, can't play an instrument worth beans and I tell him to just stop when he tries to sing. Do I look down on him? Of course not. (Plus he has terrible taste in music, I won't even go into the crap that he owns.) I'm a little disappointed sometimes that he doesn't have the same interest but he's a hell of a lot smarter than half the idiots out there and at least knows how to fix a car and a computer. Not to mention he's humble and doesn't look down on me because I can't find the transmission. He is also patient and will teach me if I'm willing to learn. That's a great way to spend time together. What's so bad with learning from each other?

But you know what, if you want to find that perfect girl, go right on ahead. With that attitude, it amazes me that you even get dates at all. Or you can settle, I'm sure your future girlfriend would really appreciate it.

Wow. I hope you're self taught only and no one ever taught you. Ever.

Teaching someone what you know is the ultimate test as to what you know. If you can't teach someone, then you probably don't know it well enough. If she has some interest in music, it'd probably be fun to teach her about it. She may not take it seriously, but maybe you could learn something new as well, or become more inspired if need be.

And honestly, you don't want your girlfriend around you 24/7. There has to be some me time in there and if music is something you're very passionate about, then maybe it would be a good idea to have a woman who is not as passionate about it as you, but at least understands it.

I am. I found beauty in music by myself, with no one to aid me except the internet and the Concert Hall.

It seems that everyone here agrees that A. I shouldn't be so close minded and more open minded. The only thing I question now is am I really trying to be an elitist, or am I just normal and all of you have settled for something less than what you expect?

But on the other hand, I think I am being unrealistic and am seeking a perfect, non-existant girl?

If anything, thanks for all the replies cause they definetly dropped me ego down a notch or two. Like I said before, I think I will shoot for this girl and as long as she can respect me for what I do, I will respect her for what she does. I mean she does make me happy... so I guess there is nothing more to ask for. Although I sometimes wonder - is it possible for me to be happier?

But that's just human selfishness kicking in.