RABicle |
Mar 6, 2006 01:39 AM |
Make pizza like a fucking pro
Right so my mates had been getting on my back because I hadn't cooked them dinner in two weeks or so while I had mostly been mooching off them and their pissweak spag bowl. So I cooked up the greatest 4 pizzas ever. Oh man I'm so hungry just thinking about how awesome they were, also because it's 2pm and I haven't had lunch but anyway.
First up is the base and I'm just going to tell you guys to go buy one of those frozen pack of 3/4 bases right now because to actually make your own (despite the obvious jump in quality) takes excessive time and most importantly skill that you do not have to create.
Anyway coat the base in tomato paste. These days you can get varieties of paste that already have garlic and onions and the like already mixed in. Aim to get those but iff not jsut mash up a little garlic for yourself. It's important to cover as much of the base as you can with the paste and get the thickness consistent throughout. I like to aim for about 30% transparency. Thick enough so you have sauce on there but no so bad you can't make out the base at all.
Cover this paste with a light sprinkle of herbs. Basil isa good start but if you can find little jars that are called "Italian herbs" or something go for that too. They contain top secret herbs known only to Italians.
Now for the toppings. You will need:
:: Tons of Mozzerella cheese.
(only mozzerella is suitable, every other cheese breaks all the rules of pizza)
:: Half an big onion. Personally I recommend brown onions.
:: A fair bit of meat. Any animal will do, on this occasion I used ham. What it vital though is the variety of you're chosen type of meat. Aim for something as small and cheap as possible. For ham sliced shoulder ham is a winner, bacon pieces are great too. I draw the line at minced beef though just because it's too messy. You want to be clean and presentale or any girls present will make dickhead comments about how they don't wish to eat your pizza. Also with chicken and beef it's best to have them cooked before hand because should you remove the pizza too early from the oven due to excessive hunger it's not good to consume raw farm animals.
:: Half a capsicum. For illiterate Americans, this is what english speakers call bell peppers. Should you be making multible pizzas such as I did try to buyy capsicum in a variety of colours. Don't just cheap out on the green shit. Red capsicum has the best balance between flavour and price.
These are the base ingredients and vital to all pizzas. But what's great about pizza is that you can chuck any fucking vegetable you like on it. It's a great way to keep eating healthy by putting beetroot, carrot, celery, whatever on your pizza. On this occasion I grated some carrot and it was super.
Also remember that apart from the tomato paste, pizza's are strictly fruit free zones. Nothing ruins a pizza like a pineapple.
Now get all your topping and cut them up as small as possible. I don't want to see shit like strips of ham or rings of onion. This isn't some arty fart pizza jiont where they do a shit job of preperation and double their prices. No one wants to bite into a pizza and have half the topping get dragged off. I think I'd rather die in fact.
One everything is cut up, mix it all up togethor on the chopping board, minus the mozzerella. In fact now is a good time to give the base a very light topping of mozzerella, it'll melt and act like a glue holding the rest of the pizza in place. Now chuck your mixture of ham, onion, capsicum, goat's balls etc. onto the base and spread it all around evenly. Try to avoid say big chunks of onion togethor but don't ever spend more than 30 seconds on this process or again bitchy girls will complain about it.
Now coat it with mozzerella until you pretty much can't see anything else.
If you hadn't already preheated your oven to 180°-200°C (350°-400°F) then you're an idiot and deserve to have to wait longer for your pizza to be cooked. Hopefully you'll die of hunger while waiting. But anyway throw your pizza onto a tray and close the oven. Using the timer is for weak fags, just check the pizza from time to time. Usually how cooked your pizza will be depends on how hungry you are but at the very least wait for the cheese to melt. However for it to be properly cooked look for any changes in colour the base. You want it a nice golden brown. Some people like to have it blackend so their pizza is so crisp it snaps (and is easier to slice) but most give in to their longing for pizza well before then.
Finnally pull it out, let it cool a little and then cut it up. The rolling pizza knife thingys are ideal but any knife will do really.
So guys, what are your pizza tips? Any particular vegetable or herb combinations you like. Personally I'd like to hear some herb tips because they can really make or break the pizza and I feel as though I play it too safe with my basil + italian herbs one two combination.
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