GW URBX: 20! EVERYONE IS EXPLODE
 

After MIT's Cosmology Lab Project #8490 (Codename: Dog Exploder) went badly haywire, all possible divergent timelines collapsed, reducing a multiverse of infinite complexity into a single universe that was, let's be fair, still pretty goddamn ridiculous. Things got pretty crazy for a while as people got used to living alongside martians, elves, machine intelligences, and the occasional hungry shoggoth. Hell, even the basic rules of life started getting a little fuzzy: magic is an actual thing now instead of a trick for children's birthdays, and the various deities worshipped by the various populations of the new Earth* were quick to make evident their very real and direct interest in mortal affairs.

But things settled down in due time. People can get used to anything, given a century or four. Eventually many of the old nations reassembled themselves in a rough facsimile of their original shapes, based more on a sort of general reckoning than any particular reliance on the old maps. Some cultures grabbed a little more territory than others. Case in point: the Merkins, whose government claims authority over nearly half the land in the western hemisphere, a sprawling land they call "Usa" (Oo-sah).

Usa's sheer breadth is one of the keys to its continued survival: the wild variety of climates and the utter vastness of the empty places has done more than any military to fend off foreign invasion. Indeed, over 50,000 Qinshi golem shock troops are thought to be lost inside the midwestern desert to this day, their geolocators hopelessly clogged by sand and dust.

But there are downsides to holding this much territory. You need a lot of hands to secure it. There are still thousands of places in Usa, particularly in the old metropolises, where "civilized" Merkins fear to tread. Labyrinthine complexes of steel and stone, hardened underground bunkers, all the sprawling constructions of cultures that had more money than sense. The worst creatures of the former multiverse took up residence in these dangerous lairs, defying an overstretched military to force them out and reclaim technological treasures and secrets of the old worlds.

That's where you come in.

http://i.imgur.com/wW7D65f.png

It was only in your grandparent's generation that the eggheads figured out how the omnipresent screenboxes worked, and the nature of television programming progressed much as it did in the old days. In Lost Angles they've recently hit on the incredible new idea of "reality" programming: real people humiliating themselves on camera, with more than a little selective editing. What better to capitalize on than the suicidal new "extreme sport" so popular with the 14-30 demo, something the kids called "Urban Exploration": bust into a ruined old world construction, take some pictures, and then get the hell out before the resident ork clan or sapient slime mold caught wind of the intrusion.

The idea of a professional Urbexer is more than a little absurd, but if such a thing exists, you're it. A collusion between government and the entertainment industry has plucked dozens of the most promising young talents off the streets and into tailored jumpsuits festooned with corporate logos. Officially, you and your squad are the sword's point that will vanquish the darkness and reclaim Usa's past glories. Unofficially, an URBX squad is lucky to last a full season, and that with casualties. Very few will openly admit they tune in to watch the gory deaths of the brave and stupid, but the discs emblazoned with the cheery TOTAL WIPEOUT! slogan sell the best by far.

URBX sites were first referred to as "dungeons" by all-dwarf squad Bearded Fury in Season 5, and the terminology was adapted swiftly by the fans and then, grudgingly, by the producers. The "Ruin Ref", a C-list celebrity who (officially) does nothing more than observe squads, direct camera drones, and provide color commentary, became a much more sought-after position after being retitled "DJ": Dungeon Judge.

(The widening pool of aspiring Dungeon Judges is also attributable to the increasing acceptability of DJs tampering with the pre-existing site environment. Of course, they all deny it.)

This is URBX, the biggest sport of the 2530s. You and your squad have proven yourselves in the not-for-broadcast Brass League, where the swords are foam, the dragons are papier-mâché, and the rewards are sometimes as impressive as a comped meal for two at Das Burgermeister. But it's a good place to network: all the biggest URBX sponsors keep an eye on Brass events, looking for the next face to put on the side of a cereal box.

Next week you and your squad jump into the lethal Copper League. Copper is mostly small-scale ruins, sometimes just a mansion, and location scouts have done their best to... well, location scouts return from Copper sites, which is a pretty good sign. You haven't been briefed on your exact destination yet, but you've heard you'll be in the loving hands of freshman DJ High Noon. New DJs often sport a lower body count, but haven't adopted an iconic style yet (for example, anyone facing DJ Cold Fusion knows to pack their parka).

Pow-wow with your squad, pack whatever you need to pack, and catch the vertibird. Oh, and remember to say your goodbyes, finalize your will, all the standard disclaimers. You did read the release form, right?

*See also: Terra, Dirt, Mudball, Life's Egg, Our Place, Greenhome, Factory Prime


What Have I Become?

You're a resident of Post-8490 Earth, which means your genetic relationship to Pre-8490 humanity (or elfkind, or orcbrood) is tenuous at best.

First, you have a Race, your species, whatever turned up after Ma & Pa got real friendly. Maybe you're the scion of a long bloodline of dwarves, or maybe you're some reptilian thing that fell into some industrial waste and started getting ambitious.

Second, you have a Class, your particular set of skills and talents that make you more likely than Joe Average to survive an URBXpedition. Maybe you were the star quarterback in high school, and you still hit like a truck. Maybe you're a conniving little jerk who specializes in lying to those few people you aren't about to shank. Maybe you've got a direct line to Nucleon, God Of Excessively Large Explosions (and he always picks up).

Third, you have a Mutation, a weird genetic quirk that's yours and yours alone. Maybe you can outrun a vertibird. Maybe you're on fire all the time. Maybe you're just really, really big.

You pick your own race and class. I'll roll for mutations. Because that's funny.

Then you Reskin to your own satisfaction or just to have things make a little sense. For example, a Halfling with the "Giant" mutation is just big for a halfling, albeit possessed of a disproportionate amount of muscle mass.

Then you need a Name. This includes your character's real name, and also their stage name. URBX fans don't care about "Mark Miller", but "Mark 'The Mauler' Miller" sells t-shirts.

After that, decide on your Team Captain, your Team Name, and your Team Sponsors, 3-5 fictional corporate entities who have invested in your team's theoretical survival and success. Mark "The Mauler" Miller (Giant Human Barbarian) is sponsored by an energy drink, a pharmaceutical company, and a fleet of rental trucks. Your sponsors will provide you with some gear for your URBXpeditions, with the understanding that you pimp their goods for the camera a bit.

"Those gnolls went down easy... but not as easy as smooth, refreshing Dark Tower Ale."

On the slim chance you came into this thread without knowing the class and race options for D&D 4E, just tell me what sort of thing (and any sort of thing will do) your URBXplorer is and what he or she used to do for a living before deciding organized suicide was more profitable, and I'll slap a suitable race and class on them. Easy-peasy.

This is the most awesome setting.

Alright, my character is ready but I haven't had time to do a proper write up yet. Or rather, I did, and then when I hit POST it said something about a certificate expiring and vanished, so here is the crux of it.

Name: Esperansita "The Suck Queen" Mamara

Race: Vryloka

Class: Blood Mage Warlock Vamipire (how the fuck is this a class again?)

Favored attributes: Constitution, Charisma

Least favored attribute: Intelligence

Sponsors: Jolly Polly's feminine hygiene essentials, Plaster Master Adhesive Stoppy-Bleedies, The "We Make Syringes" Syringe Company, and Spatula City

Weapons: Some sorta Whip and a T-shirt Cannon

Backstory to come soon!

Real name: Koven Lowrunner Okolokanu

Stage name: Sven "The Debt Collector" Callahan

Race: Goliath

Class: Barbarian

Sponsors: Lunar Zenith Low Orbital Greenhouses Inc., Kennedy & Sons Attorneys, Iron Grip Hand Tools Ltd.

Background: In a nutshell, was sent down from the mountains to learn the secrets of dwarven crafting. Weapons and tools gotta get made somehow, and everyone knows all the best stuff comes from New Dwarf City. He was chosen as, being part plant, his tribe didn't have to spare any food to send along on his journey due to the wonders of photosynthesis. Anyway, he got a little sidetracked, had an unfortunate run-in with a moderately-sized crime syndicate, and ended up having to pay off a sizable debt incurred through accidental property destruction. Rather than just kill him, the organization decided that he'd be of more use being put to work, and for a time he collected gambling debts on behalf of his employers. Killing him also proved more difficult than expected due to his penchant to bud new limbs after their removal.

After paying his way out of servitude, he got to thinking about how his tribe's chief may not have been entirely accurate in his prediction that dwarves would be immediately forthcoming with their metallurgical secrets. As Sven pondered how to make this seem like a more appealing transaction, he saw a television commercial starring an URBX star, the Masked Disemboweler. Now, Sven wasn't a genius, but he could put two and two together. The dwarves could surely be swayed by a celebrity! Sven changed his name to protect his tribe from the attention that would follow his inevitable success and fame, and signed up. Soon, he would return to the mountains with the dwarven secrets and he would earn the loftiest and most impressive of honorifics his people had ever known.

This sounds like a fucking awesome nerdfest, so I'll see what I can come up with. :3:

I keep trying to put this together, but i don't have the old 4E stuff kicking around right now (i think it's on my portable hard drive somewhere, but i've got too many papers to write at the moment to go looking for it). I can't remember whether the idea i wanted to use is legitimate or not, so i'll just put down what i have for now and see where it ends up.

Name: (undecided)

Race: Elf (part dragon? Idea in my head was basically an elf with scales)

Class: ... Swordmage? (i wanna shoot magic bullets)

Weapons: Revolver for shooting, greaves for kicking

Sponsors: (also a blank. i'm terrible at this.)

Background: (will add later)


So basically i have a rough idea of what i want to do and no time to figure out how it will actually work.

Hawk, if you want to be a pistolero then Swordmage might not be your best choice. Swordmages are overwhelmingly melee-driven as I remember. Maybe something like a Warlock, Sorcerer, Ranger?

I guess everybody can just provide their own sponsors and then they can all collectively be the team sponsors. Wear more logos than NASCAR, drink your potions with the labels facing out.

Me me me me me me me!

I wanna be a Tiefling Avenger. Name of Ayatollah "Fuck the infidels" Murderson, aka the Brown Devil.

Weapons - Big, fuck off shiny sword and a suicide bomb vest.

Sponsors - Crazy Ahmed's Bomb Emporium (Putting the Fun into Fundamentalism), Honest Abdhul's Prayer Mat Bargain Warehouse (We Meccha you want to pray all day), Cillit Bang Cleaning Products (Guaranteed to remove those incriminating gunpowder residues).

Likes - Very organised religion.

Dislikes - Women, pretty much everything else. Especially women.

Backstory - The end product of the last remnants of an ancient religion getting a lot more than they bargained for when praying for destruction for their ancient enemies, shortly after the actual Armageddon. Murderson insists on converting everyone to his own brand of extremist religion although he does tend to make up the tennets as he goes along and converting often involves a lot of killing. Convinced that tv fame will help him convert a lot more people a lot quicker although whether he means the tv audience or the rest of his team is anyone's guess.

Name: KICKPUNCH "Happy Flower" CRUSHDICK

Race: Cyborg Dinosaur

Class: Samurai Cowboy

Weapons: Katanas, Submachine guns, LASER EYES. (Heavy Melee/Light Ranged)

Sponsors: Frank's Discount Decanters. GR?M WONDERFUL JUICES (from concentrate). Malboro BAD BREATH Cigarettes.

Looks like:

http://colonelskills.belkanairforce....HCRUSHDICK.jpg

Reskin to come after you roll mutation.

Backstory: RAAAUAUGAHGAHGH was once enjoying a nice peaceful day. Chillin, maxin', relaxin' all cool. Eating some herbivores outside the school, when a couple of time portals, who were up to no good, started making trouble in his neighbourhood.

He got in one little time warp and his mom got scared, said you're going to the future to live in "Bull Err".

Arriving in the future in the year seven thousand or eight, he looked at the portal and "GALKJHAHAG-GATOR". He looked at his kingdom, he was finally there, to eat all the thrones as the prince of Bull Err.

...only problem being that "Bull Err" turned out to be a place where any Taurus who made a major mistake in life was sent to atone for their sins. Suddenly transported to ANGRY COW PRISON was not RAAAUAUGAHGAHGH's idea of a good time. Even though he ate over 30 cows that day, constantly getting gored in the chest was not a lot of fun.

Luckily he was saved by a wandering cigarette salesman. A cigarette salesman who introduced him to the wonderful world of smoking. Of course, Malboro cigarettes are not that good for you. One puff and RAAAUAUGAHGAHGH found himself silenced, confused, blinded, poisoned and turned into a little imp like creature.

To survive, he was partially REBUILT AS A ROBOT. And given a brain slightly larger than a walnut. (But only slightly).

He took the name KICKPUNCH CRUSHDICK, once he learned what crushing and dicks were. His allegiance to the cigarette company, who built him better, stronger, and faster than before, is why he's such an upstanding and loyal team member to this day.

LET'S ROLLING MUTATIONS

Rychord, in addition to being a vampire blood wizard you are also... an Empath. Not sure if being a really empathetic vampire is super creepy or just hilarious. (Is Blood Mage even a thing? Gotta update my CBLoader, fuck)

Edit: Blood Mage does not appear to be a thing, what am I missing

Skills, your cyborg dinosaur is also some kind of Feline. Good luck sorting THAT out.

Shin's demon terrorist has eight Octopoid arms, the better to smite infidels with.

Hawkeye's elf not only has some kind of skin disorder but also an unfortunate case of chronic Magnetism.

Diss' Goliath Barbarian is a Plant. That's easy enough I guess. Nothing wrong with the classics.

So uh reskin as necessary and convene on your team name & etc.

Skills had some questions about the system last night so I figured I'd clarify some shit. We're using 4E race/class but this is still a Gamma World game with all the unfair random bullshit that implies. Gamma World gives you a guaranteed 18/16 in your primary/secondary origin's ability score, so in this case we'll treat your class as your primary origin. Some classes are a little fuzzy on what their primary is but in most cases it's clear. Then add your race bonuses on top of that, so you might start with a 20 in something possibly? GW also has a shorter skill list than 4E core, which means some of your racial skill bonuses might not make sense anymore. Probably gonna mash the skills lists together since Mechanics is a neat thing to have but making knowledge checks go under "Conspiracy" is sort of goofy. I'll sort it one way or another.

Some classes (like Warlords or Clerics) aren't quite as useful in a ruleset where everyone isn't sitting on 20 healing surges, I'll compensate for that somehow if it comes up.

Generally don't sperg out too much about mechanical details! Okay!

Oh. My bad. Blood Mage is actually a paragon path for a wizard, not a class. I just did a real quick search for class lists and saw that and thought it would be a perfect fit.

A wizard with low intelligence is pretty stupid though so Warlock it is I guess. I could have picked Vampire as my class but I think that may just be a bit retarded considering that a Vryloka is basically a vampire already.

KICKPUNCH also has steel whiskers forged by the elves of Gondolin that glow blue in the presence of orcs and goblins.

He also likes to rub up against your leg and show you his anus.

You could go ex-vryloka revenant, and just be a vampire that used to be a vampire instead of a vampire vampire.

Edit: the new issue of Dragon will let you be the vampire ghost of a zombie that used to be a vampire

Looks like a ranger is probably actually my best bet - i'll have to drop the magic idea, but at least i'll be able to hit something. So my core attributes will be... Strength and Dexterity? I think?

Anyway, Skills rolled dice for something so i guess i will too!

Also - controllable magnetism? Or just the "oh look my bus fare is attached to my feet how fortunate" kind?

Name: Rufus Thorolfsson

Character background: Rufus was a street kid who learned a) how to use a slingshot and b) enough about anatomy to make every shot count. The thing about being magnetic is that the other kids are always coming to you for lunch money - if not because they want yours, then because if they lost theirs it probably found its way to you somehow. Except you obviously stole it, because no one (accidentally) picks up money that's not theirs.

During a brief stint with the police force, Rufus was found to be immensely good at detecting weapons on arrested criminals. He was discharged following an unfortunate incident involving a suspect who had hidden an elven-made gun in his pants. The thing about elven made guns is they're made entirely out of magically strengthened wood - except for the firing pin, for some reason. Since his discharge Rufus has been unable to find another job, and has floated around surviving off loose change (he tries not to get any from beggar's cups, but sometimes he doesn't catch it). Rufus hopes to make enough money to buy his own little plot of land in a forest, where he can finally be free of the endless clinking of coins attaching themselves to his feet.

You can still say they're magic bullets. If you want your ranger powers flagged as Arcane, I am down.

Aww yeah. Fire bullets, Lightning bullets, all the best kinds (probably not many ice bullets, though - what's the point in shooting a guy if you're just going to numb away the pain anyway?)

Eight arms? In which case make that melee weapon Eight fuck off great shiny swords. Also the reason Murderson is so angry is that before being summoned by the crazy bastard remnants of Al Quaida, he was actually Vishnu and forcibly crossing religions like that tends to mess with a person's head.

If you haven't started building the character yet, I guess I'll go full retard and play a Vryloka Vampire.

Constitution will be replaced by dexterity for my favored attributes, in that case.

We need a team name.

How about Loosely Affiliated Brotherhood of Individual Adventurers.

I'm all about the acronyms. :tpg:

On that note, there's also:

Super
Heroes
In
Need of

Serious
Units of
Castles,
Krona, and
Strumpets

How about:

Champion Armoured Ninjas And Dinosaurs And Esoteric Assorted Teammates Sporting Big-Ass, Lady Loving Schlongs

That one works too.

So Pang, i'm not sure whether Rufus magnetic enough to bend bullets when he's not trying to, but chances are he'll also want to carry some kind of wood/carbon fiber composite shield or something. I might actually need to use the cover mechanic in this game for once.

Rufus' stage name will be "Overwatch". (part of me tells me that's a thing, but the other part of me tells me that that is a terrible word and should be cleansed with unending fire)

Man, i'm just thinking about all of the cool stuff a magnetic dude could do in a gunfight. Hopefully Pang lets me pull half this stuff off.

Y'all gonna be the Pink Pony Platoon in a minute here.

Got two sheets done: "The Debt Collector" "Happy Flower"

Will get to work on the rest after I kick SAUS into gear. Just wanted to reassure that I'm getting shit ready.

(Still laughin' at Skills and his carefully-assembled hybrid mess that I promptly threw down three flights of houseruled stairs)

Mad props on the sponsorship logos and tie-in gear.

GFF | Esperansita "The Suck Queen" Mamara | Obsidian Portal

GFF | Rufus "Overwatch" Thorolfsson | Obsidian Portal

GFF | Ayatollah "Fuck The Infidels" Murderson | Obsidian Portal

Pretty sure Rufus may literally be the Flash

Aww yeah controllable magnetism. Remind me - one of those mutations rotates out once in a while, right? After every encounter or something?

Also, people should suggest some sponsors, because i've still got nothing on that front.

Alpha mutation is randomized after each encounter.

Hahahaha, you gave me an actual suicide bomb attack that is more effective when there are allies in the blast radius. This could be the shortest adventure ever.

Quick question, do you have to be adjacent to your enemy for oath of enmity to work or just be doing a melee attack, i.e. do I get the two rolls with the tentacle attack?

TEAM NAME. If nothing sensible appears by tomorrow, you're all going to be...

(rolls)

Prettiest Devil Avalanche.

...that might work actually.

Yeah, it wants the enemy to be adjacent to you. I too am disappointed.

You are aware of your player base right?

Additional Spam:
How about Legion of Doom 2 - Hell on Earth?

Or "The Grundles"

Rotten Ronny and the Mutates

We're talking about a band here right?

I think you guys are overlooking the importance of having a name with zing. A good name is important for securing endorsements and cultivating other business relationships.

Sponsors!

Grok's Toys and Games (classic game supplies since 2532 (formerly Grok's Big Sword Company, Grok's Kitchen and Farming Equipment, and Grok's Metal Stuff))
Greenwood Gunsmiths (arms and ammunition for the modern elf)
Garcian Smiths (official armor supplier of the Usa national medieval fair)

This sounds like exactly the sort of pretentious nonsense an elf, a demon, and a double vampire would come up with while the bruisers are too busy at the gym to come to meetings. Excellent.

Also, how should i go about choosing elemental effects for my bullets? Just pick an element, make half the damage elemental and half normal?

It should be directly related to the flavour of whatever you are chewing while you fire.

That, or determined by the last pun you made. No repeats allowed so you have to come up with a new one each time you use one.

"Things are heating up!"

Fires a flame arrow.

"Looks like our only chance is this new Listerine Glacier Fresh mouth wash!"

Freezes slime golem solid

Shit, now I wish I shot elemental bullets.

"Lucky I bought this thrice-blessed bagel from Father Johnsons Godly Bagel Bar, the Holiest Holes in the Whole of the Holy Land"

35 Radiant damage to Zombie A

This definitely has to be a thing.

Oh geez, no pressure. I don't think i'm clever enough to come up with a new one every single time (or even the first time). Not to mention the amount of food poor Rufus would have to carry around to cover various situations.

Lick your hand and shoot them with a punch in the face.

Requesting that the silverware in Rufus' inventory be magically altered to a large bag of jacks, to coincide with the toymaking sponsor. Because it's not really URBX without product placement.

Anybody who wants to swap in elemental ammo can reload with a minor action. Pun-based corporate whoring will be rewarded in much the same way as other forms of corporate whoring, that is to say, fiscally.

And just to be clear, you always have ammo, I'm not going to be tracking it and GW's standard rules for ammo are sort of silly in a setting where society has mostly recovered.

Let's see, what else needs immediate explaining. The skills were fucked around with severely.

----

Education: This used to be History or Conspiracy. Just general command of mundane facts.

Esoterica: This used to be Arcana, Religion, or Science. Knowledge of, in short, weird shit. How to read Enochian, which brand of sunglasses the Men In Black wear, generally distinguishing between magic and sufficiently advanced technology.

Fitness: Was Acrobatics and Athletics. Walking tightropes, climbing mountains, jumping away from explosions, going up ladders without using your hands.

Intimidate: Okay this one stayed the same.

Mechanics: Mostly the same as it is in core GW. Fixing a rifle or hotwiring a truck is Mechanics. Fixing a Martian plasma cannon or hijacking a teleportation nexus is Esoterica.

Perception: Unchanged.

Skulduggery: Was Stealth and Thievery. How good you are at generally being an underhanded little shit without getting caught at it.

Social: Was Bluff, Diplomacy, Interaction, Insight, Streetwise. Are you a people person? Manipulate rubes, know when you're getting manipulated, generally make people dance like the hormone-driven puppets they are.

Survival: Was Endurance, Heal, Nature. Your general ability to not get your shit completely wrecked when the odds have conspired to wreck your shit.

URBX: Was Dungeoneering. General knowledge and competence regarding things that crop up pretty often in URBX sites, like false walls, dangerous species, and the general sort of dirty tricks that DJs get up to.

----

Daily powers are now, effectively, one-off. The HoverCam isn't going to let you take a nap, and you cannot destroy the HoverCam. Literally. Experimental alloys. Even if you could, it would just result in your team being blacklisted. Oh, sure, you could do the underground circuit if you wanted to go back to delving for pizza coupons.

On the upside, this is GW-style healing, so you either survive a fight or you don't, and you do, hey, fresh as a daisy.

Action points! You know how they work, but they don't typically belong in GW so they're worth pointing out.

Luck! Luck is how lucky you are. Some people are luckier than others. This doesn't do anything. Why are you asking about it?

Tech overcharge: You can overcharge your Omega tech as well as your Alpha mutations. Along with the attendant risks of an overcharge backfire, cranking it up to 11 makes Omega tech twice as likely to break down after use.

----

I'm a consumer whore! And how.

Like most television, URBX is supported almost entirely by corporate advertising (though URBX does get a small chunk of the government budget in return for the occasional militarily useful bit of salvage). Consequently, a healthily positive attitude toward your corporate masters is good for your URBX career, and walking the line between being an utter shill and still maintaining some kind of street cred can be very rewarding.

Of course, some entities are in competition with each other. If you want that endorsement from Nuka-Cola, you'd better make damn sure nobody sees you drinking Slurm. Other entities may simply cut ties with you on practical or philosophical grounds: Lunar Zenith might not want to be associated with Sven if he slaughters a colony of vegepygmies.

Additional Spam:
Oh, and the game's live now, might mention that since it already slipped underneath SAUS posts.

Korgar's pickin' up what I'm puttin' down.

Additional Spam:
Also, I hope the change from Urban Exploration to the intro's Urban Extermination isn't foreshadowing. :o

Anything you put down in front of Korgar is probably some kind of clever trap, and will not be picked up without a thorough crushing prior. Korgar has fallen for the ol' donut box full of vengeful nixies too many times. Never again.

Wait how did I end up in the south room? I thought I had gone north by the log? :surprisednigger:

The north/south thing screwed me up already; when I skimmed through Shin's post the first time I thought he (for some reason) obliterated the already knocked-over door. I thought I was walking into an acceptably well-lit corridor. Oops!

Hahahaha, when you said you'd "pass by the log" I actually thought you meant in the sense of ignoring and dismissing it. Welp.

I read it the same way, but then I'm standing in a black hallway so I've already proven to viewers at home that LOL WORDS

I'll just go with this then, hopefully I don't get ratted out of existence just yet.

Additional Spam:
Ah, also, I didn't see an initiative list, is this first come first serve?

Whaaaaaat, initiative, why would you assume combat is gonna break out just because of a dozen individually-labeled raaaaaaahahahaha okay

THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

Shin should get some sort of honorary dungeonmaster position for being way better at killing the party than you are.

Letting the party do most of the work of wrecking themselves is like, 90% of the point of switching to Gamma World. Giving Shin a box of dynamite is more efficient than any number of dragons.

OH HO HO WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

I love how the very first room has 13 minions in it... and every last one has more HP than any of us. This will be a depressingly short game.

It seems like a lot for the first fight, admittedly, but, again, because of Gamma World's lack of... shall we say long-term wound tracking, it just makes sense for every fight to be a slobberknocker. Win and live. Lose and die. Rule of URBX. No change rule.

And it is not as if you guys don't have options. Well, I mean. Less now that Shin blew up 60% of them. But. In principle.


edit: I always forget to show defenses in the first fight of a new thread, edited in now

brb physics

I want to use reflexive teleport on the explosion. The ability says this: "You and the target teleport, swapping positions. The triggering attack hits the target instead, and misses you if you're out of range."

Now I'm sure you are all well-versed in bomb physics, but here's a refresher on how explosives work.

Most commonly-employed offensive explosives are "high explosives" (ie: the kind used in bomb vests) which are such termed as the shock front moves faster than the speed of sound. We're dealing with some intense shit, here. For example, ammonal (which I think is an acceptable analogue for whatever Shin's explosives are, as it is commonly employed by suicide bombers) has a shock front velocity of approximately 4,400 m/s. Standing approximately 3.5 m away, it would take the blast front about 0.0001 seconds to reach Sven. This velocity is a little less than 10,000 mph.

Generally, this blast wave is the result of an inherently unstable chemical compound (in the case of ammonal, ammonium nitrate (NH4NO3)) rapidly reconstituting itself into a more stable, lower-energy state. For example, the products of the ammonal reaction include water and gaseous nitrogen and oxygen. There is also an enormous amount of energy released, which generates incredible heat.
This heat causes a rapid increase in temperature in the aforementioned gases, which results in a proportional increase in their volume, exerting a force outward which is manifest as the blast wave. A much larger proportion of energy in high explosives goes into this environmental work as opposed to heat, which is one of the things that separates them from low explosives, which tend to react hotter and slower (thermite is an extreme example of this concept).

Now, as previously established the peak force would impact Sven approximately 0.0001 seconds after generation. As demonstrated by Cook et al. (1956) the time interval from detonation to peak pressure is about the same as the time interval from peak pressure to complete dissipation.

Based on this rate of decay, I submit that by the time I occupy Shin's original position the vast majority of the destructive power of the blast will have moved beyond my position, leaving me more-or-less unharmed.

And obliterating Shin.

That is all.

I just want to express my sincere gobsmackedness that Diss cited a journal paper about the physics of detonation waves to justify a D&D move.

Fun fact: due to the silly way in which Shin's explosion power works, the originating square of the explosion doesn't take any damage in the first place, and all of Diss' research was unnecessary.

GOOD TIMES

I felt that doing what the ability specifically forbade (at least, what I thought it forbade) demanded significant justification. :(

I thought those were all going to be the one hit point type minions, not proper monsters.

I mean, that wouldn't have changed my battle plan one iota but I figured everything but the wombat would be as exploded as me.

Now where are my virgins?

I think we've all learned important lessons here today about incorporating suicide bombing into a cohesive attack strategy.

Didn't we have something go this horribly wrong right in the last game as well? I don't remember whodunnit, but I know it had just about the same effect on our groups survival chances.

That and a giant house that didn't even know how to DO A PROPER LIFT

Cette failed an overcharge for some sonic explosion thing and ruined everyone in earshot.

Additional Spam:
Additionally: if we do immediately end up on the URBX "lol fucked up so bad" reruns, I think this is definitely a setting worth hanging on to for the future.

Additional Spam:
Additionally additionally: You should probs use Hyperactive if it becomes prudent to do so, Hawkeye. Alphas are reset after every encounter whether you use them or not, so might as well. Plus an extra attack would be preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty useful about now.

Ok, moved the damage on Sven over to Murderson so now Murderson's, uh, meaty bits are also mortally wounded from being hit by the blast wave of... the same meaty bits, which... um..

So yeah, Shin, save separately for each of your unfortunate conditions I suppose.

PS Diss your retcon means you're not unconscious and we're waiting on your turn, the teleport would have put you in... K12.

OH. WELL IN THAT CASE.

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Is this time-warp shifting where I am in the initiative list, or am I maintaining my current position?

Same initiative order, not dyin' doesn't make you any faster, oddly enough

I for one am all for blowing yourself and all your allies up while doing dick all to the enemies becoming a gamma world tradition.


(see also giving everyone diseases via exploded aerosol rat)

So I'm now exploded and dying?

That is very silly.

I feel I should get some form of bonus combo points though.

Very well, henceforth Shin's characters all get a +2 to attempts to kill themselves

It doesn't look like he needs it the way he's rolling.

Ok, I noticed Rychord and Diss adding an extra 8 to their attack rolls for no obvious reason. Is that your weapon basic attack bonus? Because don't do that. That's just there if you want to make a basic attack for some godawful reason. There's no need to add it to anything. Rychord still hit anyway and Diss' half-damage miss was still enough to kill the badger so it worked out fine but in future please don't arbitrarily double your attack bonus because what the hell.

Ahh, okay, gotcha. I haven't played a ton of 4th so the concept of a regular attack when at-will powers exist didn't even occur to me. It did feel like it was way too easy to hit stuff with all those mods.

Also looooool form auto-fill on rolls. I saw 1D20 for the rat damage and I think my eyes bugged out of my face.

What does the inclusion in the write-up about the rats ignoring my defense mean? Do they bite through stone's endurance for some reason, or did I just fuck up my understanding of how it works?

I hope you didn't spend too long writing up my character sheet, Pang. Doesn't look like I'll be needing it much longer. :(

I find the relative harmlessness of said vermin suspect.

Maybe you should practice rolling or something, Shin, Jesus.

Edit: Welp, that didn't go as planned.

Edit: lmao wow I suck at rolling dice too

Edit: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I don't know why anyone put any effort into this, with you around. It probably took him more time to make one of the five sheets than he's spent on the rest of the game.

Did take some time to put the sheets together but now I've got the template it's fairly painless. Some of y'all are being awful melodramatic about a fight that, as it stands, pits three DPS types against one credible threat. Yeah, Murderson's probably fucked, but that's some step-on-a-rake shit.

I am a strong believer in our ability to roll ourselves into oblivion.

Oh my god you actually jumbled the cards and chips around on the table. Your attention to detail is unparalleled.

Before I make my move I need to know which square Shin's mutilated remains are on, and wether he is a goner already or still hanging on for dear life.

I just noticed my Empath ability would give him a fighting chance, so if I can get next to him without having to take half a dozen OAs I just might do that.

I think you're probably next to some of him.

Remind me again how many more times I get to try to hit a 50/50 dice roll or am I dead-dead already?

Next time I wanna be a watersoul genasi whose weapon is a plugged-in toaster.

Additional Spam:
The balls on the pool table look like they're setup for a mental trickshot too.

You get one more roll, but we are attempting some outside intervention.

Yeah my vampirism will probably be an even better solution (I can heal allies on a successful hit), but I still need to know how far away I am in that case as well.

There isn't a square in that room that isn't adjacent to part of a spleen, a rib, or some mucus of some sort.

Huh. I was gonna be a joykill here and say that you need him to reconstitute first, but being exploded only seems to impede his actions. So, rules-lawyerly, the, I guess, essential essence of Murderson is still in the space where he ended his last move: K12.

Hey Pang, since it appears you missed this can you drop me some knowledge re: the preceding?

Pang I rolled OAs, don't know what the attack is against so you can tell me if I died anytime you feel like it ok thanks bay

Additional Spam:
My plan to heal Shin would have blown up in my face if I hadn't swarmed to make myself invisible, but at least he gets my +5 to Death Saving throws to hopefully let him live.

In light of your flavour imagery I sure as hell hope your healing Shin doesn't blow up in your face.

Edit: Oh god you made it even worse

Rychord, those rats need a 14 to hit you, no worries. Rats B and F are quite dead if that's at all relevant to Sven's turn. Probably ought to just give you the enemy HP outright in future so you'll know when your kill/bloody triggers can go off.

Oh, right, sorry. Stone's Endurance worked fine, you took a bunch of damage anyway but soaking 10 is certainly worthwhile.

Aw crap, I thought the rats had a lot more HP than that. Since I don't remember my last attack even bloodying the rat, I figured I couldn't trigger my Lifeblood to shift. It's no big thing though, it turned out quite nicely anyway.

Does this mean that I can't make the heal check to have him use his own second wind? I'm not really sure how to interpret that since I guess it's sort of his action (which, per explosion, would be prevented) but I'm the one who's doing something.

Rules specifically call out that somebody else can do it for you "if you're unable to take actions", so you're in the clear there.

I'm assuming that a heal check is a standard action.

For fucks sake, I swear someone's rigged the dice roller. :(

looooooooool well at least if you fail now you just sit there in a puddle instead of dying.

Pang, it's probably best if we resolve that log situation before Rychord acts, to put his options better in context.

I wish just once Skills could make it through an activity without needing to resolve a log situation.

Guys, triggering someone else's second wind doesn't require a check, and, if it did, Heal does not exist as a skill.

Anyway, log situation. Hang on a second. Alright, a thrown log strikes me as a two-handed heavy ranged, so 9 is enough to hit (and kill) the rat at J13 but not enough to hit the sloth. So it hits the rat, bounces, goes over the sloth's head, and comes to a rest against the pool table and occupies M13-M15.

Dumb question, where are you getting that extra 7 from your Inspiring Word?

Well admittedly my knowledge of 4E rules n shit is cobbled together from playing ages ago and what I can currently find online, but it seemed to be mentioned a lot as a DC10 heal check alongside the DC15 stabilize dead etc.

I thought when you houseruled all those skills into the consolidated ones we have left, we were just intended to use the umbrella skill for everything that fell underneath of it for the sake of simplicity. Does Gamma World not use heal checks at all, then?

Second Wind restores a healing surge value, which is 1/4 total HP?

I have no idea if Gamma World changes Second Wind mechanics, sorry.

Looks like it makes them blooded value instead

Oh jesus christ Rychord I think I'd prefer to make the death saving throw.

Just so I don't get my shit pushed in here, standing from prone is a move action, right? And does standing from prone give opportunity attacks or any similar mumbo jumbo? Basically is there anything I should be aware of that can go terribly wrong due to standing up is what I'm asking here.

Vitality is such a broad word.

From the Oxford American Dictionnary:

vitality |vï'talité|
noun
the state of being strong and active; energy : changes that will give renewed vitality to our democracy.
• the power giving continuance of life, present in all living things : the vitality of seeds

the
vitality
of
seeds

Additional Spam:
Pretty sure standing up from prone won't incur OAs. PHB pages 290 and 292 if you're curious. It isn't mentioned under prone nor under Opportunity attack so I figure you're safe.

Guys I don't know why but I need to buy a new car. Immediately.

So who gets the MVP award for that fight then?

Probably the log.

"Good work in there guys, real pro stuff. Now, uh, we don't want to step on anybody's toes here but we've been talking with a really motivated freelancer and he just wants a shot at the big time. Now, just between us I think we know there's a little dead weight you could cut to make room. You won't regret it. This kid's got all the moves. Rolls down stairs, real good with a partner. Lot of experience with animals. Doesn't eat much. And he's small, just put him in the back, no worries. He's better than bad. He's good."

He's big, he's funny, he's wood.

What is that south of the keg there?

Fridge.

Man, three days of bench pressing that pool table has gotta take a little bit of a toll on a guy.

Well, if I started to get tired I could always just switch arms.

Well this looks promising!

I have no idea if what I just proposed is achievable or if it is, how many dice need rolling for it so I'll leave all that crap in the hands of the experts.

http://i.imgur.com/eU04XNN.png

Additional Spam:
Why am so I god damn slow :mad: :mad: :mad:

Wait did I seriously just get glued to the ground on a critical miss

Nope, I'm just bad at computer. Glue now applied properly.

Additional Spam:
Skills and I just had a 5-minute mechanics discussion on how attacking someone with thrown meat works. This is best campaign.

Additional Spam:
Skills and I just had a 5-minute mechanics discussion on how attacking someone with thrown meat works. This is best campaign.

Well, that was productive.

By the by, was there any way I could actually help Shin after my double move, or would that be a standard action?

Edit: Nevermind, found it. No help beyond the ample (actually very ample, if you get my drift ;) ) morale support provided is possible without a standard action. :(

Nnnnnyeah Aid Another (I assume you're trying to unstick him) would be a standard.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

The roll I put in there is actually for a stealth check though, not sure if that will amount to anything with such a pitiful roll.

It's also totally not your turn or even close to it yet!

SO RELAX

Yeah but he's like a mile away so it's not like his options are going to change in the interim

RE stealth I am inclined to rule that being adjacent to Murderson makes stealth de facto impossible

Dammit read that wrong. I don't know who changed the post but I wish I could prop it.

Post edited into "WHOOPS I AM SO DUMB" who could possibly be at work here :iiam:

Or I could just read the "last edited" line where it says Skills deserves my prop.

Kind of sad I lst that paragraph of my DnD Harlequin crossover novel though.

Edit: Aww yeah I had hit copy before I posted.

HURRY UP SKILLS

Quick rules point, a reach of three on attacks means the four corners of a close burst three box right? As in diagonals count as one?

If you can hit a grid square, you can hit anything in the grid square, yes.

Just a note that Guard A takes 4 damage from my exploding acid blood.

Yes, the guard and everyone else adjacent to you. Fixed!

Um, I don't know if you guys are actually trying to keep your posts in the scheming thread from showing up in the frontpage crawl, but if you are it's not working very well.

I left that one particularly visible because a) it doesn't matter and b) Rychord deserves public shaming

All the other ones are full of spoilers, don't worry

Hey, I love you too Skills.

I just figured your character might have been out of stameena or something

Today in why-we're-playing-GW-instead-of-D&D-Next news: They've made charging a feat. You have to take a feat. To charge. Running at a dude and then hitting him: advanced tactics.

(If you needed reasons beyond GLORIOUS MEAT BATTLE)

Once again the best laid plans are foiled by my inability to roll a number higher than 6 on a d20. :(

I really don't think that's this one's problem. Probably too much stameena. Ain't that right Shin?

Back to rolling death saves, yay!

Don't worry, all of this worked last time!

I've really got to stop taking one huge 80%+ hit at the start of these things.

I felt a little bad, briefly, about how much damage you're taking relative to your life totals, but then I remember that I give you a huge toolbox and you collectively respond by charging into a chokepoint and falling all over each other like Keystone Kops.

(It doesn't help that the whole party is strikers and therefore permanently engaged in rocket tag.)

IN CHARACTER

We're engaged in a game of rocket tag where it's five against ten and the other team have control of the red armour and quad-damage. :(

But yeah, a combination of all striker characters, no tactical planning and a desperate to desire to roleplay our way into trouble does not bode well for the long-term survival of the team. Is there a plan for rotating in new characters? I don't recall anyone other than the current playing group showing an interest in joining.

You obviously have no regard for your life, a brash disregard for safety is the hallmark of the Goliath, and Skills has a brain the size of a walnut. It's up to Rychord and Hawkeye to rein us in.

The viewers will love us, though.

To be fair, they are doing the sensible thing and hiding way out the back where the bad guys can't see them. Operation Strike-from-the-shadows-and-relative-protection-of-our-meat-shields is going pretty well!

True, but it is also in their best interests to encourage us to be alive.

Ok, I waited a couple days unless anybody had some retroactive free actions they wanted to do, but I guess not. Last post updated through to Rychord's turn.

If anybody else gets on board we can worry about rotation, but as it stands Gamma World's attitude toward character death is "roll up another one, tell the survivors to keep an eye out for the drop pod".

Oh, sorry about that. I completely thought I posted rolling the death save. That's on me. My bad. :(

A death save roll of 13 means I'm stable, right? As in not dying but still a meaty doormat? Or basically put, I have no idea what the result of my dice rolling means, I think that's the first time a character of mine has passed a death save and I never paid much attention before.

I imagine my bonus doesn't apply until the next turn since Skills gets auto 10 anyway?

Death save 10+ means you're stable, yeah. Skills can't fail death saves so I'm not sure if you giving him that +5 even has a point, does it?

Two questions: first, is guard A dead? and second, what action to i need to take to heal someone? I never asked the first time i did it, just assumed it was a standard.

A: Yup.

B: It's a standard to trigger their second wind for them, yeah.

Well, it could help him get a 20 or higher to heal himself. But yeah, 5 over 10 still wouldn't do that. Rules were a bit fuzzy in my head.

Don't think 20 to revive is still around in GW but we'll just call it a houserule since letting cool shit happen on a 20 is just good policy.

[REDACTED]

The rulebook says 20 or higher though, how can that happen if you need a natural 20? Is there an ability that lets you roll more than one d20 on a save? Or are you just houseruling that natural crit as well?

Huh! So it does.

DISREGARD MY PRIOR ILLITERACY.

Still and all it assumes the use of surges, which aren't precisely in supply. So I guess in this event spend your second wind (starting from 0 HP) or if you don't have an available second wind you can still revive at 1 HP.

So now I'm stable, I just lie on the floor till someone does something to wake me up, right? Or is there more dice rolling involved?

Fair enough, guess that +5 will do something!

Technically speaking you're supposed to keep rolling every turn to either remain stable or grab for that 5% chance to recover, but I can just roll it out if you're already short of clever near-death monologues.

Oh no, I'm sure I can rattle off a few yet.

Okay, I am mad curious - what specifically are these glue regen rolls for?

Well, it's fairly uncommon, but some 4E/GW creatures have abilities that are one-off but can get reused on a successful d6 roll. In this case, the kobold engineers, um, generate more glue on a 5 or a 6. The process is noisy and unpleasant.

Clarifyin' a few more things while I'm here:

Don't wanna be a killjoy, Hawk, but having a pretty decent attack as a minor is already putting the ACCEPTABLE POWER needle in the red without turning every casualty into another weapon. Let's say the bodies move but they don't move fast enough to wound anybody. Sorry.

Plus also you tried to move to where Rychord was already standing, sooooo.

Shin, you're back on your feet but still smelly.

Skills, 1 more failed death save and you're kaput. Please consider your options for your next character, such as: evil plant (but also a robot somehow) and: pyrokinetic Martian wizard (secret robot).

Now to see if you guys get all metagamey about the gadolinium talk.

Pretty sure that whole thing about not being able to fail death saves is on the character sheet, and all that.

The roll result or 10, no?

Also I think the turn order is slightly out of whack?

Lastly all the combined modifiers for the save pretty much give me instant +20 I THIIIIIIINK. Will confirm shortly.

One day I will make an update without forgetting how a basic character element works. One day.

And yeah I fucked up and had the miners go before the rancor but whatever the rancor delayed his turn due to... reasons. They're not very bright.

That's fine, i thought it was kind of a stretch anyway. Was worth a shot, though.

Hold on Rychord.

I didn't even get to take my modified death save/roll thing, so there might be interjections.

I need to bug Pang on AIM when I see him again to see what the deal is.

Gonna need a forced name change from the Suck Queen to the Itchy Trigger Finger god damn.

He is good at posts.

Additional Spam:
And then, the cyborg dinosaur's eyes fluttered open, because glue dried on an angry man, and because a vampire was muttering nearby.

Gamma World.

My bad, I saw the turn order and figured that it was accurate. I also thought that even if you roll a revival your turn would end immediately. Guess I was wrong on both counts. :(

No, you were pretty much right. We're all just terrible people.


EDIT: Doing some work on the Obsidian hub; the campaign stub is now "URBX" rather than "GFF". Update your bookmarks accordingly.

Oops, didn't realize it was my turn. ALL RIGHT THEN.

Additional Spam:
Can I start a move southeast and then complete the move once I step past the block and can see what's goin on down there?

Ehhh the rules don't really address this but IMO moving, looking around, and then moving some more feels a lot like two moves.

But there's nothing you can't see from your position that you could see there anyway, what with how I forgot to add vision blocking to the stone for the first couple map updates.

Well, I mean, there's the traps, but you're not going to see them passively at any angle, that's kind of the deal

In the event that anybody has any Interrupt-type plans to clean up Skill's mess before I fire the murder engine back up, the unfriendly stirges are at AA5, AB5, AC5, AC6, and AB7.


Stirge defenses: AC 15 F 12 R 15 W 12. And they're minions, like it says on the power.

None for me. :(

I swear the dice roller didn't used to hate me this much. :(

I'm going through some very heavy shit right now and I would need someone to take over for me for at least a few turns. I'll give a heads up when I feel up to the task, but I know for now I won't be able to sit and strategize. So if anyone feels like being a loose woman for a few weeks, now's your chance.

Sorry guys. :(

Luckily, Shin just fell into some free time.

Poor Murderson. :(

Yeah, I can take over for a bit, more than happy.

Should nobody else want to play and rotate in a character, I'd like something that looks like a five year old girl but with evil psychic powers so I guess a Psionic pixie or something please.

OPEN CALL FOR MORE COMPETITORS! DISREGARD FOR OWN SAFETY A PLUS. PETS OKAY.

Pixies are actually like six inches tall, but I rolled Giant for your mutation, so I guess that worked out just fine. I'll start poking away at that while I sort through the dozens of new player applications that are sure to start piling up.

Pets ok?

Melee weapon is a kitten called Nigel then.

DJ High Noon, more like DJ Rock n Roll. God damn boulders.

You seem to be attacking 3 enemies with a burst attack, but have only made one roll to hit. Can I be of any assistance?

Oh, for some reason I thought rolling it was per attack not per target. LET ME ADD TWO MORE ROLLS.

Additional Spam:
OKAY ALL DONE.

that right there is some bullshit

I love all of these commercials.

Back from having real-ass sweet adventures and back to provide fake yet marginally sweeter adventures for the internet. Hopefully nobody forgot the board existed and wandered off during my absence.

Additional Spam:
PS Shin looks like nobody else queued up so we'll need an appropriately offensive name for your pixie

Ready to ROCK AND ROLL.

Can she be called Jonbenet "Daddy did it" Ramsey please?

Or perhaps Jilly "Jailbait" Johnson. You decide.

Shin your characters are going to get us all put on an FBI watchlist

Additional Spam:
He said, belatedly realizing nobody else in the game gives Damn #1 about the FBI

Haha, I don't think MI5 have quite the resources to chase online DnD players and does Canada even have a secret service? I'm imagining mounties without their hats on.

Shin, here's your new character sheet; everyone else should be up to date, shout if I've missed anything.

(Jill's still missing sponsors but I'll think of something if no one else does)

Fuck yeah, more explosives!

That and 21 hit points and I should probably start thinking up a new character now.

Reasons to read your character sheet properly - No 1

Could have just asked the beetles to move...

Christ, this initiative. :mad:

Is lava hindering terrain or just painful terrain?

Also is it just walking on it that's a bad idea? As in, is flying over it ok?

I dunno about you but I'm made of inherently flammable materials so I ain't goin' near that shit.

The lava rivulets aren't especially deep or wide, so they're not difficult terrain. Just walking "through" them is fine, just don't, you know, hang out. Since Jill's flittering about most of the time she doesn't need to worry about it, but bear in mind that prone characters stop flying.

So does the bomb have initiative 13 or something? Why does it go after your dudes but before mine?

I am fine with moving at the same time as the explosion actually. (It would also be ultra badass)

Or EXACTLY THE SAME TIME.

Yeah. This could actually be sweet.

Sorry Skills, power says it explodes at the end of X turns, so it'll blow up just before you get to move.

So how do we determine the turn order between multiple 13s then?

Well usually, the person with the higher initiative modifier goes first. But the bomb doesn't have an initiative, it's just got a set "i will explode after the cultists move" decision on it.

Yeah, the bomb doesn't have initiative. The detonation is an immediate reaction in response to the trigger "X turns have ended", in this case eight:

1. Jill
2. Beetle A
3. Beetle B
4. Rufus
5. Esperansita
6. Dragonborn A
7. Dragonborn B
8. Dragonborn C

(And yeah I usually treat identical enemies as one collective turn but, you know, technically).

Really though when Shin inevitably needs a third PC I might as well just write up a bomb with an initiative value

Pretty sure they do, but do cacti block line of sight?

Also what is that thing in front of me? Is it dangerous or just delicious?

Nah, cacti are only partial cover so line of sight is intact.

Directly in front of you is a small barrel cactus in a tasteful planter, sitting atop a small heap of broken glass, sitting atop The Mysterious Square of Transfiguration. So yes, caution might be advisable.

Oh did you mean the cloud? Just greasy kobold smoke.

That went far better than I ever would have imagined.

I don't know if I'm pleased or disappointed about how well that went.

With that kind of special move is it one shot or is there some dice rolling to see if you get to use it again? I forget from when you originally explained the rules.

I need to burn my daily soon too, just so I can say I used it before Pang rolls me up a walking bomb.

OH hey sorry, been busy, will post tonight

LUCKILY I had the foresight to flag the Potato as a Consumable, which does in fact keep you from using it again on account of how it, you know, exploded.

the battle has been going on for AT LEAST four seconds and I'm not bleeding out or anything. What the fuck.

Dammit. I suppose there's always the chance a fire bug will explode if you push it on to a lava flow. :(

Pang, do cacti require any sort of strength check to lift, and do they do any damage to my character when doing so?

Apparently those things can weight like 300 kg so yeeeeah let's say DC 19?

The cacti don't hurt unless you collide with them forcibly.

Oh, well in that case.

Sorry to be pedantic about this, but, um, what is Crushdick actually doing, mechanically? You don't seem to have any abilities that would actually push the beetle into the cactus so maybe I'm missing something.

Dear lord that bow

YouTube Video

Okay well youtube broke whatever CHz did to make timestamps work, so pretend this starts at 1:42.

Edit: Way to be on that, CHz.

OH CHRIST NO

oh jesus I didn't even realize it was my turn again

thanks diss

EDIT SHIT BEETLE A IS DEAD THAT CHANGES THINGS HOLD ON REDACTING

Is it also your job to tell him when it is his turn?

Because, if so

Get on that

RECIPROCATION

That's what I was waiting for but I SUPPOSE I can act without his reminder.

Just a heads up, gonna be away camping over the weekend and potentially into early next week. Might be able to find cell reception in order to take turns, might not.

Will take a turn tonight. Should be able to resolve up to the end of Diss's go then.

Well that was an unfortunate series of events.

Now we may never learn the genesis of the Ballistic Meat Initiative.

I'm pretty sure Marlboro cigs has another horrifying experiment in the bowels of their shit SOMEWHERES.

In fact I'm SURE of it.

Edit:

Doubly in fact I'm pretty sure it'll be a robot of some sort again

EDIT HAY WAIT A MINUTE

Shin's third character, Literally A Crate Of Dynamite, will go well with Skills' third character, Literally A Server Farm.

EDIT HAY WAIT A MINUTE

A grid square is like 5 feet by 5 feet right?

So 19 down and 8 left means:

sqrt((19*5)^2 + (8*5)^2) = 103.1 feet

So if the round is 4 seconds, then 25.8 feet/second (7.8 m/s)

If we figure the cactus delivered the full weight of it's force in like, 0.05s or so (because it's not instant), it would be like (0 - 7.8) / 0.05 = -130.2 m/s^2

so 130.2*300 = 39060 N.

So uh.

That's like four tonnes of force.

I think that asshole is AT LEAST KNOCKED PRONE OR SOMETHING

I suppose I will wait to act until these physics shenanigans are sorted out.

Seems like a fair tradeoff, Gren is prone and, since he had to crawl to his firing position, is at AW16 instead of AU 18.

The resultant negative modifiers to the Gren's attack roll are inadequate to preserve Crushdick's braincase.

I assert that because of the way the description of Horrible Singing Voice is worded, unconscious characters are incapable of being harmed by it. At first I thought that perhaps it was due to the sonic vibrations created by the sound itself, but as characters take only half damage when protecting their ears, it seems that it is not the kinetic energy of the moving air currents themselves but the actual neurological perception of the badness of the sound that is the cause of the damage. This is further reinforced by the point that creatures that are deaf do not take any damage. If these creatures still physically had their ears and all associated structures, the damage should be equivalent if it had to do with the impact of the sonic waves and not the perception of the singing.

Thus, I conclude that my unconscious allies are unable to be harmed by my attack. I have included rolls against them for the sake of completeness, though I believe they should be disregarded.

Diss' second character, Literally A Dissertation On The Reasons Water Is Wet

To be followed by Pang's self-insert character, Literally a Throbbing Cerebral Aneurysm.

Unfortunately Diss, the order you have things in now kills Rufus outright before you can fix him. Guess i'd better start coming up with a new character, though i'm not sure if i'm even capable of playing anything other than the straight man.

Well then I'm taking my minor action back!

Real talk though I don't think unconscious characters are capable of taking damage from that ability.

Yeah, KOed folks don't get hurt by bad singing.

But on the flip side triggering someone's Wind for them is a Standard.

And Rufus ended up dying via failed death saves anyway.

Soooo, mixed bag.

Provided this actually is won and the instagib shockrifle doesn't fuck the rest of everyone up I have another character ready to rock.

Provided we lose horribly then I guess I'd have another few days before having to drop him in. In either case! No auto rolling me a fairy or some bullshit

I dunno, whilst the prospect of self-inflicted tpk's is a fun one, it might be time for a character that survives more than two rounds of combat next time. I'm thinking a heavily armoured, genetically modified, post-human space soldier wearing a suit of powered armour and carrying a repeating, armour piercing, rpg launcher from a futuristic, Nazi-esque galactic empire. Also a penguin.

Get shot once, 3 failed death saves in a row, game over. That's kind of disappointing, even though Rufus' mental stability really had him marked as an outsider from the group right from the start. Not sure if i'm capable of playing anything other than the straight man, though.

I acknowledge being dropped by a single crit is kind of dumb, but in my defense I expected them to at least try to revive fallen allies instead of attempting to bully their way onto the Duck Throne.

What duck throne? They aren't ducks!

HAVE YOU LIED TO ME PANG

Hahahahaha

Okay so I had to leave suddenly while I was starting to take my turn, but I'm done now. I'm really only putting this here to get back in the last 5 posts box so people will notice that I've gone.

*Near some lava

While I will concede that the lava fills less than half of the AQ20 space, I think you will find that standing near lava is also quite dangerous when you are literally a big shrub.

Does the lava shoot instant kill arrows too?

Sort of want to give the lava hit points and make you fight it

Additional Spam:
DESPITE MASSIVE FATALITIES MELANCHOLY OF PERFECTION HAS TRIUMPHED OVER EVERY CHALLENGE IN THEIR PATH

BUT CAN THEY STAND UP TO THEIR FIERCEST OPPONENT YET

A SWIMMING POOL FULL OF MAGMA

What about when I'm a big shrub with a "stony hide"

Additional Spam:
Arts majors, man.

Yeah, you always round down.

I would counter your argumentum ex lapidum by pointing out that lava is, essentially, just hot stones. You cannot fight stones by being stones, you can only be hot stones.

No John You Are The Lavas.

COMPROMISE: I will extend the inflammatory effect to an aura around you on account of you're such hot stones right now, I can't even

ahahaha well played

Just wasn't sure if 1/2 level was an exception to the rule when your level is 1.

Now I'm starting to regret all of my life choices. So many questions left unanswered.

I really need to start firing off dailies earlier in fights. Saving them just in case is extra retarded when the life expectancy of your characters is a shade over one round of meaningful combat.

Since I'm already taking periodic fire damage, does that mean that remaining on this space will result in no additional hardship? I'm not gonna catch on double fire or anything?

Yeah, you can't be on fire twice. Which is why, next time, I have to remember to protect the lava with plumes of acid.

As far as dailies go I'm probably just going to scale them down to Encounter powers somehow after this battle, "powers you can have back after you rest" is a bad idea for a setting where HAHAHAHAHA YOU CAN NEVER REST.

Okay so this will be the post wherein I detail the shameful mistakes I made in my rolling. When the Gren hit me with his bow I interpreted it as a ranged attack for some inexplicable reason, and rolled an attack of opportunity since I'm adjacent to him, which hit (but obviously should not have occurred, unless there's some rule about using shit as a weapon that isn't actually a weapon but ANYWAY) so that can be ignored, as well as the resultant damage.

Then he crawled away, and I know that's actually something that will provoke an AoO, so that is where that second roll comes from, except that one missed, which is lame. At the time I forgot I am only allowed to make 1 AoO per turn, so if the first one counted this one should never have even happened.

Then I run over there and club him.

In conclusion, I don't attack three times, but I do ruin everything due to questionable literacy.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/go..._green_man.png

Well, that's it for the Gren, and the odds of the Diggles killing Mamara before she wipes both of them out is statistically insignificant, so that fight's basically sorted.

Hawk, Skills, go ahead and pass me your new character ideas at your nearest convenience.

FLOPFLAP STINGDICK

Mk. II model Marlboro cigarette Warbot.

This one is a robot JELLYFISH

Like before, multiclass ranger and I haven't worked the rest out fully.

I wrote it down in a text file somewhere, when I am not typing on a 3DS, I will get it to you.

PLEASE HOLD

You mean I actually survived the fight? There's a turn up for the books eh?

So are you making dailies into encounters now or is that a new-characters-only deal?

if its not too much to ask, flopflap gonna grab crushdicks die thing. cloak can go to diss. whatever i spwwn with otherwise is good.

Things were #404040! But now they're #704040! FOREVER! :zoid:

His what thing?

Huzzah!

Maybe now Mamara won't be completely useless in terms of actually doing more than just stayin' alive (hah hah hah hah). Still not very useful, but at least somewhat more of a threat once every encounter.

neighbours shut down their wifi

still no nominal setup

die organ switch omega tech.

Oh yeah, sure.

Well I guess Skills is still trapped in some kind of technical miasma, but Hawkeye, do you have a character I can start working on?

Or, I mean, whoever, game's still open to anybody in the event Hawk is just super demoralized.

EVERYTHING SUCKS

HOPEFULLY TOMORROW

FUCK ALL THINGSL

Weeks later: Skills still not finished moving, building currently on fire.

ANYBODY ELSE GOT SOMETHING

ANYBODY

ANYBODY AT ALL

JUST THROW YOUR IDEAS OUT THERE

Things were going so well. :(

I don't mind waiting for him to get settled; my interest in the campaign isn't goin' down due to the delay.

I'm happy to wait for Skills to get an internet to be honest. Any move I might make would probably end in a fight starting sooner rather than later and doing that with just three active characters probably isn't the best idea.

Alright, got hold of Hawkeye and his new character is also currently on the backburner due to 1000 real-life things exploding. I guess as long as everyone else is content to wait a bit longer then so am I.

Soooooo, Skills got internet yet?

Yes, I was talking to Pang about this the other night. I need to check the legality of somethings with him the next time I see him on Steam

I AM EXCITED FOR POTENTIAL OOZE NEWS

Additional Spam:
PS Hawkeye gon' be a Skeleton if he doesn't think of something

Actually let's just put this link in the thread so everybody can find it later: Acceptable Custom Races

Soooooo, been a couple more weeks, we ready to go again soon?

BORN READY

Yeah, i apologize for my life. Make me a Corgi with a tank class that no one ever uses (ie. not fighter).

A Warden then?

If this were Skills his character would be literally a sentient tank.

...I am pretty sure I sent a PM.

EDIT: WHAT THE FUCK APPARENTLY I DIDN'T

RECTIFYING

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:

I love that this is a thing.

Alright, Ooze Assassin and Corgi Warden en route hopefully sometime within the week! GETTIN' THE BAND BACK TOGETHER.

Is there any way we can get this turned into a smiley or something that you can click on to activate the music?

Heeeeey I know I promised the sheets within the week but A: Actual Productive Shit Needed To Be Done and more significantly B: Obsidian Portal updates took a big ol' dump on the hilariously tangled & uncommentable mess of code which comprises the sheets. So thanks for your (continued) patience as I try to remember how this shit works.

Hypercognitive Robot Jellyfish Ranger Assassin!
Saurian Corgi Warden!

Saurian corgi ahahahhahaha

So I'm not sure what the current character load is on this set but I'd be interested in being thrown on the list for this one. Nothing involved in my life is currently on fire so I might even be less flaky than average!

So we get another dinosaur in the party? Awesome, go go random choices!

Cette, I'm gonna figure out if Rychord is even remotely paying attention to this shit anymore, and if not, you're in. Otherwise, yeah. Queue. Of one. Let me know if you have a race/class preference otherwise WHEEL OF JUSTICE.

I'll actually update the game thread tonight probably! Hot damn!

Woot, I finally get to see if the vamp lady can get another round of inflicting the minimal amount of damage possible in!

HURRAY

Wow, this isn't gonna last long. Cliff has the same amount of HP as Rufus, only a significantly lower AC. And way more reasons to get hit by things.

History tells us this is unlikely to result in a long wait, although we do appear to be temporarily out of explosives :(

Yeah, being a warden with poor Constitution is kind of a rough situation, but http://www.saxypunch.com/miscimg/rolling.gif

Aw, I was hoping you might take the bait and have one of the dead characters I threw onto the square turn into one of the new characters.

A world where Flopflap Stingdick could be created by accident is not a world worth living in.

Ok Illithid monk then. If this was standard 4e I'd grab the dark sun werebear template for extra good god why factor but I trust gamma worlds system to give me something suitably incongruous.

His name shall be Kenny "Kuddles" Kloaca.

Why would you wrench the arm off of an épée? In fact, how would you do that?

My desire for elf abuse outweighed my interest in re-reading the previous posts.

Read "self abuse" at first.

Here's the entirety of the explored map to date:

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/ur...p_12_17_13.png

For the purposes of my Hammerspace mutation thing, how explodey can things get before they count as Omega tech?

Sure there are plenty of other things I can find a comedy use for in my pack but best to check first.

Well, that's an interesting question that is, happily, completely moot because I totally blanked on rotating your mutations when the new PCs showed up. So you'll have some totally different unclear ability in a little while here.

Additional Spam:
And FIXED. Your new power should definitely be much easier to understand and will cause no problems at all.

THIS





FUCKING





INITIATIVE

Colonel Tiberius Skills McInternet: Deep Thinker.

Inconvenient McGlorylounge: With great hunger comes great responsibility
Colonel Skills: I like eating things

Should Cliff's Line of sight not be added to the map? I'm pretty sure i should be able to see the frogs (though i doubt poor Cliff will survive long enough to get to get to whack them anyway)

Do I have to be conscious to use it? It strikes me as something that would be a lot more useful as an immediate interrupt power. Also, it says "Teleport to a number of random squares in the dungeon", is that a number of squares in the bits of dungeon we've explored so far or a number of squares in the dungeon?

Cliff WOULD have line of sight to the frogs, but unfortunately no present light source is reaching said frogs. I'll toggle on Mamara's glowing personality next map update and we'll see if that helps.

It's a move action; can't move when you're unconscious. And I don't think "useful" has ever been promised or intended.

Whole dungeon! Including places on the map I didn't actually bother adding to the maptools file yet! Fun!

AWESOME.

I hope this is one of those dungeons where there's a super useful tool for beating the end boss in the room right after the end boss.

Pang, do you like bat nests?

Do you want them on your body?

Also, do we get to see the results of the bio-luminescence?

You are seeing the results, it's what's making the frogs visible.

(I wanted Esperansita to glow green but mixing differently-colored lights in Maptool looks like hot garbage :( )

How did that Dwarf hit Cliff, then run away so far without getting his shins devoured? No OAs in Gamma World?

Ah. Right. Fixed.

And, having taken said fix into account, the rest of you should consider that marked dwarf as dead. :(

That's the one on the left? (Assuming that's what that icon means)

Above which spaces on the lower map are the holes specifically located?

Yup.

-AU, -AT, -AS -74 north to south.

The north hole funnels into -BA -74.

Sorry Pang, that Alpha Tech is far too silly not to use.

Hey Skills, is there anything I could do for you to help you take your turn? Do you need a hot towel? A beverage maybe?

Oh shit

I didn't even realize

I was too busy eating cheese

Pang, your edit on Diss's post might have been too subtle.

It is entirely within Mamara's character to engage in corpse abuse, to be fair, but I'll wait 'til tomorrow to see if maybe reconsidering happens.

(next time, big obvious HE DEAD gifs)

Okay, so Shin needs to decide which (if any) of his hilariously inconvenient teleport destinations he wants to stick with: AJ -14, AC 5, or -AF -90. Get tangled in vines, smothered in fumes, backtrack all the way to the kobold massacre, or just stay put. Your call.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/ur...eports_a_b.png

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/ur...eleports_c.png

I don't much like the look of Vine Army down there.

AJ -14. I got faith in you Shin.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. :(

I was gonna ask to be sure, but I thought only one of these guys was dead. I had seen the OA discussion when it happened but that was a few days before posting, so when I made my move only Skills' kill was obvious in the thread.

Can we still switch that to the Murkylordy Froggly or did I miss the deadline?

Well not moving would be pointless, as would teleporting just down the map a bit, despite the promise of at least 8 more things to get killed by. Whilst the Kobold massacre room was fun, I think Skills is right and AJ,-14 is the only move that makes sense. I'll recruit whatever those five monsters are to our cause and return triumphant at the head of a monster army, just in time to rescue everyone from the vine army!

Assuming you don't get to it before I actually have time for an update post tomorrow night I will just edit Frog Time in myself. 's cool.

Additional Spam:
http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/see.gif

Alright post updated to take into account my inability to properly read things that are conveniently ordered in a sequence.

Do the shadows count as beasts for the purposes of Jill's speaking to beasts ability? That might mean the difference between her surviving one turn or more than one term. I doubt it but one can but hope.

Also, is that big, black stripe on the floor a chasm one could fit down or just a poisonous gas spewing crack?

Perhaps both!

They're humanoids, and they speak Common.

It's a big puddle of Unidentified Noxious Goo!

Due to being slowed the Sporeback can only move 1 square and can't do anything remotely threatening, so let's just say it moves 1 east (-AY, -82) and move on to Sven's turn.

Hahaha, I think the dice roller just killed me. :(

SKILLS STOP MOON NAPPING

shhhshhhh shhh

moon naps are the best naps

BE THAT AS IT MAY

Just a heads up that I am moving today and am not sure if I will have internet access right away. I'm moving in with my brother and he also just moved, so I'm not sure if he's been lucky enough to have it set up already.

I'll post from my cell when I get there if no internets, and in that eventuality I would need someone to play this one turn for me.

Yeah, this moving business is keeping me pretty busy, and we won't have proper internet for a few days yet, so if anyone wants to jump in for a turn and help keep things moving feel free!

SOMEBODY THAT IS NOT ME PLEASE DO THAT

Actually, I gots the internets now so I should have be able to do it myself very shortly. They had their top men on the job it seems.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/howdoishotgunning.png

JUST SAYIN' HERE

Look, this whole level we're on is pretty ambiguous from a top-down perspective, okay. I'll walk three squares north first, and then shoot it.

It is a touch difficult to tell the difference between walls and areas in shadow.

Alas there's no way to visually distinguish the two, "CAN SEE" vs "CAN'T SEE" is already a fairly difficult arrangement for Maptool as it is and establishing multiple versions of "CAN'T SEE" is entirely beyond it.

I just wanted one fight where line-of-sight actually mattered :(

And it does! I'll head north a bit!

Poor Pang. Trying to implement variables and strategy into our "I BREAK THIS GUY FACE SO BAD AND EXPLODINATE EVERYONE... 20! EVERYONE IS EXPLODE"-fest.

Did you mean to post the same map twice, Pang?

I did not. Thanks, fixed.

Sweet, found the door. DON'T WORRY GUYS, CAVALRY'S ON THE WAY.

...to blow you up.

HAWKEYE STOP MENNONAPPING

wak, sorry, work stress life things turn go now

just give the 2HP to Mamara, unless that turns off her regen for some reason. If it does, whoever else can use it i guess.

Hey, I've got a few things here that could be important:

Does my See it Coming Empath mutation ability/power/"whateveryouwanttocallit" always work, or only when my status is unaffected? (it is relevant to the current situation I believe)

Also, in the same category of "stuff that I just noticed", does my Stronger than I look vampire class ability/power/"whatever[...]it" always add Charisma mod to all power damage, or only when it habitually uses a different ability modifier for damage? If so I should start adding that it would probably help out sometimes. And by sometimes I mean oh fack why didn't I notice this before sorry guys.

I understand it to mean that all abilities that you have as a result of being a vampire are +4.

Also "never grant combat advantage" seems pretty conclusive. "Never" doesn't really leave a lot of room for interpretation.

No, See It Coming is always on. Unless something specifically turns it off. Which would be an oddly specific power for a monster to have. :(

And yeah, you should be adding your Charisma bonus to all your Vampire powers, even the ones that already use Charisma. Womp womp.

OKAY sorry about that, I have internet access again as well as time to actually use it, so it's time to let everyone down with a pedestrian move that took an entire week to make cause I have to go run a bunch of cable. This demands attention. Skills, back me up on this.

DEAR SKILLS,

IT IS YOUR TURN. KINDLY TAKE SAID TURN AT YOUR EARLIEST AVAILABLE CONVENIENCE. GEEZ DANG YOU GUYS. DANG.

FONDLY,

PANG

I received a text message earlier wherein he claimed to have purchased five pounds of mini eggs. If you recall his reaction to one pound last week, I think we may need to give consideration to retiring his character.

I ain't dead yet

hold on

The shadows are not in position to do anything particularly cunning, so go ahead, Rychord.

Ok, noted. I should be able to get to it tonight, if not tomorrow at the latest.

How many turns is it going to take me to get back to the fight? Can you just assume I'm heading that way until such time as I'm close enough to a) do something more useful than run towards the battle and b) make a stupid joke using gifs of Gandalf turning up at Helms Deep.

You're the one walking around above a cave system on a thin stone floor that is plainly weak enough to be punched through with any remotely significant amount of force, why ask me how long it takes to get downstairs?

All the same I'll put you on autopilot if you'd like.

Haha, never thought of that. :)

The holes we already used are a fairly tactically convenient place to rejoin the fight though, I'd hate to go in somewhere unexplored and stir up more monsters, that would be just awful.

Maybe given that, uh, new shit has come to light, Rychord would perhaps want to use that on our good friend the Dick Stinger instead.

Yeah sure. I don't have a clue what, how, or where it comes from, but yeah StingDicker can have it.

Very well, upon the insistence of two people who are not the origin of the effect I have moved the 2 HP to Stingdick. Surely he will get the survival now.

The system works!

y'all gonna be mad when I survive by that margin now

my indifference towards who survives knows few bounds, seeing as i highly doubt that Cliff shall be counted among their number.

It is either Skills' turn or Cette's. Cette hasn't posted in this thread since November but I think he's still paying more attention than Skills is.

I sound mad.

Holy shit I didn't even remember Cette was playing.

Totally still paying attention. Just didn't have much to sound off about as you know don't currently have a character in play and all.

Well, somebody take Flopflap's turn while I finish Cette's character sheet? Please?

If this campaign dies before we can even get to the neat out-of-dungeon stuff man I swear :mad:

[ 18:48:14 ] [ +Diss ] Skills
[ 18:48:21 ] [ +Diss ] It's your GW turn hombre
[ 18:48:27 ] [ +Diss ] Pang grows restless.
[ 18:48:37 ] [ &City_Connection ] ok, tomorrow while at work!
[ 18:49:23 ] [ &City_Connection ] remind me if I forget
[ 18:49:28 ] [ &City_Connection ] (I'll forget)

So basically it's free reign to blow up Skills' phone tomorrow.

YouTube Video

I have reminded him at least three times today!

IT IS DONE

Well, at least it was creative.

Rychord, you're up. Finally. A month later.

HEY

Look.

I actually feel bad about that. SHIT HAS BEEN RIDIC LATELY I APOLOGIZE

Careful Pang, you don't want to be the mmHg that broke the cerebral artery's wall.

Any one of you could have grabbed Flopflap's reins for one turn. Especially those of you who put your own characters on autopilot. You are all guilty. If anything, even more guilty than Skills, who is captive to his uncontrollable napcolepsy.

Cette, here's your sheet for Kenny. I'm still dinkering with it cosmetically but all the functionality is there. Feel free to fall out of the ceiling and save these folks from Shin's odd naïveté about the intentions of hungry ghosts at your earliest convenience.

I'll be on it most likely tomorrow, I've got an exam tonight so I'm kinda busy revising this shit like a maniac. Hope that's not too long a wait. :cmb:

Will do as soon as I can make heads or tails of what in the holy fuck is going on in the map. This is why trying to think right after work is bad.

You took away all my explosives so I needed a different way to achieve a tpk.

Elf had a shit roll anyway so it didn't matter in that case, but a brief note about the greasy smoke Skills has embroiled you in:

Bacon grease definitely produces thick smoke (see: compendium p.220) so it results in total concealment (-5) vs. ranged attacks and partial concealment (-2) in melee. It should be noted that this works both ways; those of you in the smoke are just as handicapped as those firing from outside the smoke.

Thank fuck the living construct thing means I don't have to breathe.

Also, with regards to the Xivorts. Would B not have died from Diss's attack? Would that apply Rychords to A? (I think kill it too but I dunno)

Also also Mamara's in the wrong square this update.

Roughly how many turns am I away from leading a glorious charge of the undead into battle?

B did indeed die, and Rychord's attack was, indeed, consequently applied to A instead. Mamara isn't in the square Rychord indicated because Mamara was immobilized by a net and couldn't move anywhere.

Provided you continue to fly full tilt, you'll make it to the edge of the cave-entrance pit by the end of your next turn.

Well if that is the case I technically move after my attack as xiv A is at max range from my starting position. Not that that changes anything at all. Just sayin'. :dance:

Edit: Well didn't see Pang's post before posting. Wasn't sure I was still immobbed so even less difference made.

Whoop!

This means the elf (and I guess this would've already been the case for the shadows and diggles) can't target me at all since I'm invisible, yes? I forget the synergy between concealment and invisibility.

For all practical purposes, invisibility is total concealment, except that in the case of invisibility enemies ostensibly do not know what square you are in and have to make an educated guess. However, Sven hasn't moved since he became invisible. Technically enemies (like the xivort that threw a net on you post-invisibility) do not target you when you're invisible; they target the square that you're in. Guessing the right square is easy when you are consistently immobilized.

However, invisibility does give you combat advantage vs. folks that can't see you, which at least neutralizes the melee smoke debuff and weakens the ranged smoke debuff for you.

Love your french Pang. I'm seeing a whole new side of you now.

Confirm last xivort is dead?

Dead indeed.

Any translation "errors" you may detect are due to the progression of 500 years of language development in setting and not my own laziness at all. Yes.

Oh I see, it's elvish French. Well that explains it then.

MAN IT'S NOT EVEN ME THIS TIME WHAT IS THIS

FUCK we even talked about this during game night and then I immediately forgot about it. Going now.

Can I get a map update of what I can or can't see if I move to -BB-84 or -83?

South looking.

Just interested in line of sight, don't tell me about shit I can't see or whatever.

I still can't quite tell what's a column and what's a rock wall.

From -BB, -83 your POV looks like this:

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/ur...pothetical.png

-BB, -84 is solid rock so you can't stand there.

Am I correct in assuming the smoke AOE still affects squares -BA-82 and I am functionally still under total concealment in that square?

Hmm. Yup.

SKILLS DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER NEEDED CLARIFICATIONS

I AM HERE FOR YOU BUDDY

Do robot jellyfish even have eyes?

Some types of jellyfish have light receptors, anyway. I like to imagine that Stingdick's ROBOVISION is a cool Terminator-style digital readout over VAGUE TWO-DIMENSIONAL BLUR OF LIGHT AND DARK SHAPES.

He needs your clothes, 4 pairs of your boots, and your motorcycle.

Real life etc. will play by the forth-night.

Pang, if I move to AX 91 am I still covered by the smoke, and if so, this means I cannot see monsieur l'elfe fringand de mon cul, yes?

The smoke doesn't reach that square, but your mutual line of sight to the elf is blocked a rock pillar.

Oh whoops I meant ax 81.

Almost went nuts searching for the pillar. :p

Yeah, at -AX -81 you're still within the smoke and you and the elf both suffer from the ranged attack penalty.

So which square do I land in if I drop down two squares to the left?

Hopefully the one that's on fire.

-AV, -75. I mean technically you're flying and you don't land on anything, but.

Lol, I forgot that a by-product of CHz changing the way my watermark works has robbed me of the ability to edit my posts...

Can I get a map update to this point?

Ayup.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/ur..._to_skills.png

Is it my go or do the shadows need to be ordered around first?

The shadows aren't in range to do anything interesting after their move, so just go ahead. Updated post-shadows map:

So! I will update your sheets to level 2 as time permits, but there's no hurry since next episode ain't startin' 'til after meet get real. In the meantime I need some decisions from y'all.

Sometime when I wasn't paying attention, the D&D character builder changed how backgrounds work and now they actually have mechanical elements and matter a lil' bit. So I'm gonna reflavor them into setting-appropriateness and then you guys can pick what you like or I'll pick one for you since many of you are bad at making prompt decisions! Ok! More options! More analysis paralysis! YAY!

Like your agent told you, if you lost sponsors (and you all did), you need to make some new arrangements to get back up to 3. I am thinking about adding little mechanical bonuses to sponsorship next episode, but I will not tell you in advance what bonuses a given sponsor might offer! Because then boring numbers manipulation instead of funny thing.

Your money: like Louie told you, if you can find it, you can buy it. That is: show me a real-world storefront (ideally online but if you wanna take a picture of a literal shop window then fine) that sells what you want for a given price, and you get it for that price. If you want something that doesn't exist in the real world (or at least can't be conveniently bought) like a rocket chainsaw or a wand of fireballs, you need to go through Louie's fence. He'll quote you a price, and you can take it or leave it.

Cette and Wvlf have both shown interest in joining the game, so I figure we can go back to the rotation method if they're still interested. If someone wants to volunteer to go to the back of the line to let them in early; cool, if not they'll just roll in as casualties occur.

Ummm. THAT'S IT I THINK, now accepting audience queries ok

Ahahaha wherein Pang gets so impatient to implement his between-adventure stuff that he just warps us all out.

You have no idea what this shopping metagame is going to do to me.

Well, that was PART of it, but the bigger part was that I looked at what the diggles could do on their turn and it was NOTHIN' again and you guys clearly were never going to branch out and explore the rest of the cave and find all the dirty tricks I put in there so EJECT BUTTON

(I have a METHOD planned whereby you will be mechanically encouraged to spread out and fight instead of squishing into a big defensive wall of bristling guns)

(Plus also the thing about the spreading smoke making it laughably difficult for you to survive shadow rampage is basically a true thing, we could have theoretically played it out but it would just be several weeks of all of you looking sad when you rolled anything less than a 17.)

Can I be told what the gimmick was with the chess game at least because I was totally gonna go over there after putting out the bacon fire

You cannot! Because if it was something clever I would want to reskin it and use it later, and if it was just a really cheap pit trap I would never admit that, ever

v SOMETIMES CHECKERS? OR EVEN TIC-TAC-TOE. OF THE ANCIENTS

He's not going to figure out a way to reskin it, so every place we explore is gonna have a massive chessboard in the basement. The old ones fuckin' loved chess, man.

Additional Spam:
Man, Kennedy is fuckin picky, I talked their sterilizing kit up so hard! So what if I didn't actually use it on camera! What the fuck would they think I'd use a sterilizing kit for anyway!

Also Hasborg is losing out.

They are going to make a Stingdick movie directed by Mikael the Fey and they'll want in on that.

I kinda came up with a backstory while I was inventing new sponsors. Jill was a foundling, being far too big to live in normal pixie society and dumped on the doorstep of a religious orphanage. Despite being terribly well loved and cared for, she burned down the orphanage with everyone inside then embarked on a life of heavy drinking and blowing shit up.

Deep.

Well, it's something, and that's adequate.

Got basically no background for Mamara or Cliff though, since Mamara is mostly a living tautology and Cliff exists because I pushed random buttons while Hawk was still suffering Rufus Detachment Disorder.

I return to find no activity. I know some of you have been busy learning about SPORTS. But some of you have no excuse. You make me sad. You make everyone sad with your TOTAL FAILURE.

I will use my new mastery over SPORTS to make more informed purchasing decisions!

I have all of the no excuses. I was supposed to do some window shopping I guess?

And also try my hand at explaining away why vampire is a class and a race and how it all makes sooooo much sense in context?

I suck I know. :(

Sponsorship:

1. I would like to approach a camping/outdoors supply store for sponsorship. I think that the situations in which we find ourselves could be adequately described as roughing it and some of their merchandise would be frequently featured in our excursions playing roles that aren't flashy, but are fundamental to our success nevertheless. Some of the following items could be provided by this company.

2. I would also like to communicate with a safety supplies company. Since I am inherently very combustible, I think that there could be a good relationship formed there. For example, the fire extinguisher in my shopping list could be provided, and could be featured prominently though they should understand that it's a high risk/reward item - it may take some time for it to be used, but when it is it would be very obvious to the viewer. I should mention that my first goal is to not be on fire at all, so I will actively try to avoid needing this product. However, fire-retardant gear (such as the gloves etc. noted below) would be a relatively constant feature of my getup.

Shopping list:

110 feet of paracord - 16
Magnesium fire starter -5
Triple XL fire-resistant jacket - 35
Fire-resistant pants - 32
Fire-resistant gloves big enough to fit my enormous hands - 16
Fire extinguisher - 40
Big mean boots - 122
Angle mirror - 3
Multi tool - 43

Total: 312 before potential sponsor freebies.

I'd also like to ask Iron Grip for a big axe to go with my trusty hammer, for situations where chopping stuff is advantageous to bashing stuff.

[ 08:29:06 ] [ +Pang ] Hmmmmm. It would be way too easy to just deliberately align your sponsor picks and your shopping list so I'm gonna say $200 cap on comps

DEAL. $112 well spent. Plus axe I guess.

Yeah really sorry for the long delay on my part, I should be able to get to this by the weekend at the latest, I have an important interview coming later in the week and a lot of work to do before then as well.

don't worry no matter how long you take Skills will take a full month longer than that

Even dogs can have kevlar vests! - about $180? Not sure how much protection "heavy team jumpsuit" gives me, so this might not matter.

Inquire at fence regarding other means of improving AC.

oh man right right gotta get back on this

pick a sponsor and a shopping and everything

YEAH IT'LL BE DONE

Yeah that's not a bad idea. Can I get a jumpsuit made of not paper?

Skills is being actively harassed through this process right now so Rychord we'll be waitin' on you.

Once Rychord has posted, if you needed a new sponsor and didn't pick it a terrible one will be assigned to you. Probably something about linens.

It seems my Procrastinatron 4MEGA bio-augment has temporarily broken down, so here is that two-part post that shall bring further clarification upon the wtf of double vampire, and the elements of my window shopping 2014 tour. (now with 100% less windows)

---------------

Before the biggiest of things that changed all the things, a certain strand of genetic mutation had begun to appear in humans and humanoid beings which, when it became active, caused degeneration of most of their vital functions and led to many premature deaths. A side-effect of this mutation were occasional surges in aggression where the individual's abilities were temporarily heightened in inverse proportion to the advancement of their genetic malfunction.

At first this phenomenon was ascribed simply to a form of dementia brought on by the trials that are associated with such loss of autonomy. It was eventually found that although the nature of this malady was genetic, it was possible to correct it using a focused attack on the individual's bloodstream, using a specific virus deemed the 'Vlad Cell', during one of their aggression outbreaks. The only catch was that this virus could only live long enough outside an infected individual's bloodstream if it was hosted inside the mouth of another, non-infected humanoid creature.

When it came time to decide wether these individuals should simply be hunted down, or if there should be an initiative to try and cure them, a great divide became evident amongst those with the decision making power at the time. What was proposed in the end to reconcile both sides in the argument was a program which would implant the virus into the most skilled fighters in the world and set them upon a mission to either cure the infected, or bring them down in cases where the mutation had advanced too far for it to be safely attempted.

Esperansita Mamara, a half-human, half-elven beauty, was one such fighter, having spent her life as a mercenary working with the Companions of the Shadow, a group of highborn elven assassin-thiefs which focused on the killing of high-value targets through subterfuge. Mamara was admitted even though her blood-lineage was unpure as she had shown greater potential than any other individual before her in her previous deeds and scores. Self-trained in the arts of seduction, silent-approach, and close-quarters combat, Mamara was the ideal candidate for the program. For years, she completed every mission successfully and her ratio of cures-to-kills was above any other operative's. It is during this period of time that she earned her moniker, "The Suck Queen".

As the number of infected started to dwindle, the question arose as to what should be done with the surviving operatives, as the side-effects of the virus were as of yet unknown. What had been remarked, however, was that a number of the operatives had begun succumbing to a their own form of dementia, and many of them had gone rogue before meeting their demise at the hands of their brethren. When the authorities responsible for policing the ranks took the decision that it would be safer to simply neutralize all remaining operatives once the threat of the mutation had been visibly eradicated, Mamara was one of the individuals who became a target for termination.

Her time spent on the run came to a brutal end when she was confronted by a group of her colleagues from the Companions of the Shadow, and she was left in a near-death state by her former allies. As she was laying in a pool of her own blood in an abandoned warehouse, a group of cloaked figures came and took her remains away. A great void is all that Mamara remembers of the following days and weeks, but when she awoke, she found that her former infected operative colleagues who were believed dead were standing around her, though something about them had changed. They had all taken on a distinctly pale and blueish complexion, and they seemed much more perceptive than she remembered. It was explained to her eventually that the virus which had been implanted into them had a much greater impact on their genetic structure than had been anticipated, and any individual whose genetic material contained at least some elvish blood would be reborn upon death as an entirely new genetic entity, deemed the vryloka by those in the know. They also informed her that the highborn-elves had somehow been made aware of this fact, and that they had secretly made it their duty to eradicate what they considered to be an aberration of nature.

It was soon after this that the world cataclysm took place, and only a select few vryloka survived to continue their battle against their former kin. Mamara joined the URBX expeditionary force in hopes of gathering as many ressources as possible to bolster their forces, as well as scope out possible new recruits from within the ranks of the world's greatest (also dumbest) fighters.

----------

And now for some window(less) shopping!

http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/...ps256e1270.jpg
A very tiny bike!

Mechanics: allows for charging into melee around a maximum of two obstacles. Maybe an attack roll penalty is in order.

http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/...ps6125afa8.jpg
Very british booze!

Mechanics: used as Molotovs or to build courage[whatever that means].

http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/...psa828e29b.jpg
Pizza Cone'zas!

Mechanics: used with a special adapter for the t-shirt cannon, these allow the setting of fires directly in the stomachs of the targets.

http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/...psfe7c0eec.jpg
The amazing detecto-spoon of Mr.Froyo!

Mechanics: sorta like the orc-seeking blade in LOTR, it glows shit-brown when elves are nearby.

http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/...ps4177c2fb.jpg
Furry Familiars!

Mechanics: They distract the enemy for a time, thus granting CA against all enemies adjacent to the square they are sent to.

---------

And finally, a new sponsor has appeared!

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV...14,317_AL_.jpg
The Relay for Sucking for Life

A non-profit group that raises awareness to the cause of people being judged for their gothy vampire like lifestyle. They have no clue about the existence of the vryloka (aka real vampires), they just think vampires are soooooooooo hardcore.

A former world-class super-assassin trained in the arts of stealth and murder using a t-shirt cannon as her primary offensive weapon. Dying.

T-shirt cannon accidents are a much more prevalent cause of death than most people would believe. Taco cannons are just delicious though.

Also useful for smuggling dem drugs.

AND yada yada misdirection.

YouTube Video

Skip to 2:13 for this one

YouTube Video

Additional Spam:
Ehhhhhh one more:

T-shirt gatling gun f-yeah!

Additional Spam:

YouTube Video

Additional Spam:

YouTube Video

Was looking at Diss' character intro at the beginning of the thread before starting on updating his sheet, and I learned a lot about Sven's cultural heritage.

It's cast in gold and encrusted with dazzling gemstones.

PROBLEM SOLVED

[00:30] <+Disslaptop> Skills finish your mutant shopping.
[00:30] <@a_lurker> Yeah I can't argue with that.
[00:31] <@a_lurker> OH MY GOD SKILLS STILL ISN'T DONE
[00:31] <@a_lurker> IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I WAS LAST MADE AWARE OF THIS FACT
[00:31] <@a_lurker> JESUS DUDE
[00:31] <+Air_Wreck> wut?
[00:31] <@a_lurker> ok I'll do Skills' shopping for him
[00:31] <+Bruce_Wa> Giant toad... pinball... angry goat.. gummi Dune. Ok. Lies avoided.
[00:31] <+Bruce_Wa> Yes! Please do. He has $925 to spend.
[00:31] <@a_lurker> he wants lamp sockets.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> Leviton Solid Brass Shell, W/Uno Thread, Turn-Knob Socket With Antique Key - Light Sockets - Amazon.com
[00:32] <@a_lurker> like this.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> $925 worth of lamp sockets.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> actually fuck that one, this is a third of the price: GE 3-Way Lamp Socket, Gold 54372 - Light Sockets - Amazon.com
[00:32] <+Bruce_Wa> That sounds extremely fair.
[00:32] <@a_lurker> ok done
[00:32] <@a_lurker> Hit me up whenever you need me to make stupid decisions on someone else's behalf
[00:33] <+Bruce_Wa> EXCELLENT
[00:33] <+Disslaptop> Skills you've finished shopping.
[00:34] <+Bruce_Wa> This is even better than Shin's shopping list, and that just boiled down to HOWEVER MUCH BOOM I CAN GET
[00:34] <@a_lurker> Dude, proper lighting is incredibly important.
[00:35] <@a_lurker> I mean, what if the party gets stuck in a hotel where all the lamps are broken
[00:35] <@a_lurker> now you can fix them!
[00:35] <+Bruce_Wa> True. I put them in the dark and Skills reacted by starting a grease fire, so hopefully we can forestall that sort of thing happening again
[00:35] <@a_lurker> I'M HELPING \o/

So remind me again who we've been waiting an entire month for them to sort their lives out?

You, uh, you're technically waiting on me now, I suppose, largely because Obsidian Portal fucked everything up and I had to reconfigure a bunch of shit and anyway I'll try to get the last character sheet update done tonight :(

OKAY!

Sven Esperansita Jill Flopflap Cliff

You may notice some changes. Most of this is in the form of giving you more options and resources because giving you more rope to hang yourself with is funny to me. You have a Background now, which is tied to any actual character background you've bothered to give me (which is sometimes precious little, but here we are). Right now the backgrounds just give you additional powers, some of them will do other things later.

Your shopping's done; if something required the fence, it cost an additional $50 in fees. If you asked for something and didn't get it at all, you couldn't afford it (sorry, Rings of Protection aren't cheap).

Healing Surges! They're back! In extremely limited form! I don't know if any of you even have powers that would let you access them, oh dear.

Your "primary" sponsor now gives you a bonus feat. You can switch which of your sponsors gets the place of honor if you want and see if you like the new feat any better, but I wouldn't try it mid-Xpedition.

Your "URBX" skill, which was never really clear on what it did, is now "Resources", which represents the strength of your network (excluding Melancholy of Perfection itself). You don't have the Mechanics skill to shut down this security droid? Not a problem, get your phone out and have somebody walk you through it. Don't know what's up with all these paintings of weird masks? That's OK, your roommate loves that dumb shit.

(This is not intended as a blanket "use instead of your shitty skills" skill; no amount of advice is going to get you past a sleeping guard if your Skulduggery is a 1, and your contacts are no more infallible or unselfish than you are.)

If there's anything I've missed or you have any other questions, shoot.



http://www.saxypunch.com/missile5/louie_t.png "Grunkrieg here. Hope you've all healed well, because if we don't get you back on TV soon we're all going to be in breach of contract. They're pretty serious about that pound of flesh thing. There have been a few, uh, what's the term... right. Inadequately Prepared Expeditions lately, so we've actually got more sites than squads on the table right now. Take your pick:

A: Some kind of trouble on, or maybe in or under Mt. Hood... out west in Cascadia. Dragons maybe, or some kind of infiltration from our ever-peaceful northern neighbors. Crossing the Rocks around Mt. Hood is getting to be a pain in the ass, and Cascadia needs as many merchant routes as it can get.

B: Dwarven ruins under Klugman's Dome down south in the Smokies. Probably just a basic retrieval gig, gather up the loot and go home. Some kind of old urban legend about a devil and a massacre in the briefing here, but who believes in that shit? Oh, and some kind of cursed hammer they want taken down there and destroyed in the very fires which created yada yada.

C: As you know, our border with San Huitzilopochtli — forgive my pronunciation — is less than entirely secure, but Texico is more than capable of handling their own problems with hostiles. Problem is, a recent kerfuffle with some giants has turned the official border crossing into a tunnel. Not in itself a problem, except for all the stirges. Texicans don't like fights they can't win from 500 yards by leaning on a trigger, so somebody needs to get in there and sort things out for them. Might actually be some refugees still stuck in there if you're in a do-gooder sort of mood.

Let me know within the week or there's gonna be trouble. Louie loves ya, but he loves having two hands even more."

Seeing as none of these locations seem likely to contain either tennis balls or squirrels, i shall follow the rest of the team.

Dwarf fortress every time. Dwarves brew good liquor.

Flopflap twists his many appendages (arms and...other things) into the shape of a balloon dwarf, hopefully indicating his desire for hammer time.

That has to be the quickest decision made in the history of GFF DnD.

I'll just be over here, waiting until the end of the round to act as is my m.o.

what kind of strength check do I need to push those giant statues over

At current rate of play that will give you something to do after Christmas dinner.

You would need a Fitness check of, oh, I don't know, 25

If he fails miserably, I'm totally omega-ing that sucker.

He chose 25 because it's literally impossible. the highest I can get is 24.

Yes, but in so doing he actually defined the DC of the action.

Skills please don't try to wait until the statues become weathered and brittle enough for you to push them over.

Uh, how much death did Hawkeye just produce exactly? I wanna make my move but I have no clue what is still standing or not...

Hawkeye produced less than .5 deaths. All enemies are still alive, unbloodied, and in the same places indicated on the most recent map. Scouts A, B, and C are prone. GO AHEAD DAUNTLESSLY!

I also knocked over the leader.

http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-con...Faceplant1.gif

I'm helping!!! :-D

Fuck, why didn't anyone tell me it was my go!

Sorry...

Pang, can you, uh...resolve this before I take my next go?

Sven has Overcharged 4 distinct lies: one of them is true. 1d4 says:

RESOLVED! Fort does, canonically, contain vast riches which will kill Dvergar if the Dvergar make eye contact. Dvergar, canonically, have not noticed these riches.

25% chance that the True Lie has a vexingly ironic twist. 1d4 says:

Vexing Irony check result: positive. You are hereby warned.

Wait, what was my fourth lie?

Also I yelled at them to notice the riches! Surely someone peeked!

I believe the fourth lie was that their parents were pale and hairless.

That wasn't a lie, it was an insult. There was no attempt to mislead them into thinking it was legitimately the truth. It's different!

ATTN: COLONEL FLOPFLAP. IT IS YOUR TURN.