Forum Game: Corrupt Wish
 

How to Play: Turns somebodies wish into something horrible!

EXAMPLE
1st Poster: I wish I had a puppy
Next Poster: Granted, but it gets run over.

Simple right? Great fun.




I wish that the PSP didn't suck so bad.

the psp is no longer crap, people start buying it, and Sony make ground in nintendos illustrious handheld market monopoly, weakening the latter company and removing nintendos artistic liberty as they make a mad dash to be mainstream and boring just to turn a profit, like Sega. Since only nintendo make decent games, for proper gamers it's the end of the industry forever.

I wish i could go to the moon!

You are fortuitously chosen from your university cohort for a cultural exchange with the Lunarian University of Aeronautics and Space Engineering, and as part of the orientation itinerary you are whisked to a massive facility which houses the experimental Tandem Mirror Engine, to be used for the upcoming Jovian expedition. Just as you place your hand on its perfectly polished surface, a terrorist from the United Space Front detonates a bomb right underneath your suspended walkway, blowing everyone in your group to smithereens. And leaving just a nasty black smudge on the engine, phew!

I wish posting in this thread would pick up.

Your wish is granted, Bigblah.

Only, you keep deleting them so it amounts to nothing.


I wish i could breathe underwater.

(that's the point)

but you can't corrupt your own wish. That's lame.








(i wish i could breathe underwater)

WELL YOU GUYS AREN'T DOING A VERY GOOD JOB ARE YOU NOW

I wish this thread didn't exist anymore.

Wish granted. Though in a classic case of the wish granter using the ill thought out means of articulating the wish as a way of poetically twisting the wish to dark ends, the "me" is taken as meaning you and not your post, and you are promptly banned from the forums.

I wish I were a moderator so I could cleverly tie my warnings and announcements in with the subject of the thread in which i post them.

Wish granted.

But, while you are exploring the sea using your new ability; OUT OF NOWHERE, a massive, legendary hammerhead shark known to sailors as "Lord Styphon" emerges from an underwater cave and devours you whole. He then returns to the cave, waiting for the next unsuspecting poster victim.

I wish I were a GFF administrator.

Double Post:
Kolba, when did whinehurst ever wish "delete me"?

Before his wish was granted!

Eleo, wish granted.

But soon after the Axis takeover of GFF seems complete, Lord Styphon rises from the ashes with a Stalin Avatar and rallies all the members of GFF in a quick and bloodly coup that turns this place into a more class-cliche oriented society having multiple administrators (with no moderators) that abuse their powers repeatedly when any anti-GFF/staff statements come to light and by also hijacking all the FTP servers in one fell swoop.

I wish I had a Wii... ;)

Granted, but upon opening the box, the controller is broken in half, probably a result of shoddy construction for the early release. Word gets out that you have a Wii months before everyone else and you are lynched, strung up on a tree with razor wire mere moments before the postman comes with a replacement controller with a note from Nintendo saying "lol Sorry for the busted controller d00d."

I wish Surge (The awesome soda that Vault is trying to imitate) would return.

Wish granted, but you find half-decayed mouse remains in the bottom of your Surge bottle...but only part of a mouse. You later realize that the gum you've been chewing all afternoon is actually carbonated, high fructose corn syruped mouse-tail.

I wish I didn't have any wrinkles.

Wish granted! No more wrinkles. No more skin.

I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good. I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a six four Impala.

Wish granted, but you lose all ability to rhyme.

I wish I had a mullet.

All of those wishes are granted. However, you have become too tall to fit in your house. The girl has several annoying traits, such as correcting your speech. The rabbit, wearing the hat, destroys the Impala, that you can't fit into, using his bat. And you are a baller, but your wealth is the result of mob assistance, unbeknownst to you. When they come to collect, you obviously have no idea what they want. They threaten you harm you. You try to fight them, but you don't do very well without your bat, which the rabbit broke on the car. During the scuffle, you are shot and killed.

I wish I had the ability to run super-fast.

Granted, but you eventually burn up in a hell blazing inferno while running. When you finally stop, you're just a charred skeleton.

I wish people would stop saying how good the PS3 is.

This thread makes a lot more sense when you can see the deleted posts.

Wish granted, instead they start banging on about even though the PS3 didn't meet expectations, the PS4 is gonna be fucking awesome!

I wish that my credit card hadn't maxed out yesterday (£5,000 in debt lol).

Wish granted. Your credit card is reduced to reflect a debt of £4,999. You are unable to pay off the debt--debt collection agencies come after you. After the collection agencies have their way with your possessions, you are packaged in a cardboard box and shipped to Luxembourg.
From stress, you begin to develop mysterious pustules on your skin. The pustules evnetually turn out to be a rare parasitic infection caused by a type of cicada; cicadas pop out of your skin daily.

I wish I had a goldfish.

You receive your goldfish, but it doesn't come in a bowl or a bag. Lacking any water, it dies shortly after you acquire it.

I wish cell phones would just be phones.

Wish granted, but this sudden change causes calls to tune out since there's no jack to connect the cord to a telephone line. Girlfriends start breaking up with their boyfriends, people start making bad choices on Wall Street because they didn't get their stock advice in time, and America falls into chaos. Soon, Mexico and Canada decide to invade and the country is split in half to become "North Mexico" and "South Canada" with a continuous debate over what the new name for the continent should be.

I wish the Jedi would take care of the whole "Ninja vs. Pirates" debate once and for all.

Wish granted. The Jedi decimate the ninjas with their lightsabers and force powers. Then they get in little rafts and board the pirates seafaring vessel and slaughter them all and burn the ship. But the pirates in a last effort destroy their rafts. The Jedi can protect themselves from fire but sadly they swim like rocks.

I wish I had high-speed internet.

Wish granted.

However, due to the sudden viability of file sharing resources, you indulge and download a multitude of ripped DVDs and CDs, as well as gobs of warez.
Contained within these warez files are numerous virii, which invade your computer, and working in conjunction with each other, turn it into a rampaging, homocidal machine. It then proceeds to murder all of your family and rapes your dog with a USB cord, and you only hear about this in horror a week later from the jail cell that the RIAA and MPAA cast you into.

I wish all of my school debts were absolved.

Wish granted. However, the school smacks you up with hidden debts the following month that you had no idea you had to pay until the day of announcement. Turns out some id theft'ed you and you have no way to correct it. Your debt escalates and all your items become repossessed, and the school continues to siphon money out of you until you end up living at a friend's house for the rest of your life.

I wish that I could have 20/20 vision again.

Granted, but you see your mom and dad fooling around perfectly clearly a day later.

I wish I had a big bag of potato chips.

The potato chips literally all go collectively straight to your thighs, clogging most of your blood vessels and causing a massive heart attack. You die. Play again?

I wish my paypal account wouldn't take so fucking long to be unlocked.

But when it is finally unlocked, you come to find out that Paypal itself has been bought out by a different company which chooses to sell your credit card info to the highest bidder. You then receive thousands upon thousands of credit card offers that bury you in a heap of paper and fake plastic cards that traumatize you, leaving you with only a unique phobia of mail and no online money services.

I wish that I didn't live in a trailer park.

But when you finally move out to a mansion you bought for next to nothing, you realize it's been built on an old indian graveyard. Spirits hunt your mansion and take pleasure into making things disappear and other mild stuff until a freak snowstorm in the middle of summer suddently makes you prisoner, at which point family members begin to die after another in weird circumstances. You yourself finally go crazy and start hacking at everything you see with an axe, until you're discovered by the cops, blamed for the murders and send to a mental institution for the rest of your life. Of course the spirits decide to follow you and make what remains of your life a living hell, even moreso than otherwise.

I wish I were emperor of the world.

Wish granted.

You are the emperor of a post-apocalyptic world where gasoline is the only form of economy, the world's population reduced by 90%, and barren deserts are as far as the eye can see. Your leadership came from overthrowing the previous emperor. However, this was first caused by an abritrarily large chain of violent coups which killed off the remaining 9.99% of the Earth's population. After realizing you are only the leader of yourself, you become clinically insane from loneliness and decide to kill yourself in order to overthrow, well, yourself.

I wish I had supernatural strength.

Granted. Your new situation gets the media atention and soon, thousands of people feel the need to prove they're stronger than you. You start making money accepting challenges from those people. However, at the peak of your fame, your manager backstabs you and leave you bankrupt. As the novelty of your strenght has already faded away, you spend the rest of your days zapping in a dirty sofa.

I wish I had an evil twin.

Granted. However, your twin proceeds to donate every single last penny of his income to charity, helps disabled children participate in sports, organises fundraisers for hospitals and volunteers at a downtown soup kitchen. This earns him worldwide renown and eventually nets him the Nobel Prize. You are jealous of everything he has achieved which you have not, and you confront him and attack him with a boxcutter, leaving him dead from slash wounds. As a result, you're committed to a life sentence in prison.

I wish the wish I am making now was immune to corruption.

Wish cannot be accepted Corruption Immunity.def not found. Program shutting down. *you die soon after*

I wish that Guilty Gear XX#Slash had a story mode.

Wait, how is that an evil twin?

So you wish for your wish (immune to corruption) is immune to corruption? Okay. Granted. However, you have gained nothing.

I was my lava lamp would work right.

Your wishes are both granted, though Krelian's is immediately corrupted by the dominance of masa's wish. As Guilty Gear gains a story mode, the entire revolution of the series also taints its quality thereby leaving Guilty Gear to squander in bargain bins and is as common at pawn shops as Hanson's "Middle of Nowhere" album.

:EDIT:
Acronym's wish is granted, but upon working correctly, as Acronym gazes intently into the beautiful lavaciousness, the bottle overheats exploding liquid hot lava all over scarring our hero's face for eternity. This is the first in a string of many self-destructive events that leave Acronym alone and horrifying to young children who say "dear God, what is that thing" in his perfect ears.

I wish I weren't a liar.

He's evil in that it ruins what he desired in the wish, and that he's obviously superior to the original. =o

Paradoxically, you're lying about wishing you were not a liar, so you are fully intent on lying. Regardless, fulfilling the wish you're unable to ever lie again, and you're placed into an amusing role similar to that of what's-his-name in that nineties movie called Liar Liar or something.

I wish I had an ice-cold can of Relentless right now.

Granted, but it does not live up to your expectations. You continue to consume it at a disturbing rate, intent on finding that one perfect can, and you eventually consume so much that you burst, and reveal that you can consume enough to cause your body to *pop*

I wish that I had a Digital Tablet

Yes, you get it and you put every bit of info you have on it and the battery melts in your hand, thus causing you to have surgery and never be able to type with any speed at all ever again.

And your wish?

Will never be wished


I wish that there were less Drunk Drivers

Wish granted. However, the government claims that this can only be accomplished by banning all products that contain alcohol including Nyquil and rubbing alcohol (not the brights people in the nation). People begin to suffer greatly and the economy comes crashing down due to lack of workers. India is now the greatest super power and main source for all computer questions.

I wish we had a better public transportation system.

Granted, your public transportation system is upgraded beyon even the Japanese. Shortly after Jamie Foxx passes through your town and buys property. With the impressive Public Transportation, he decides to make that his permenat residence. Despite all his precautions, Access Hollywood learns of this, and blabs to all the states. The Paparazzi come by the thousands, overcrowding the town to the point of bursting.

I wish that my PS2 wasn't about to break.

You're wish is granted. Instead of your PS2 being about to break, it does break.

I wish it would snow here.

Wish granted. However, that hint of snow you wished for turns into a massive blizzard which snows the city in. You think: "Excellent! No one has to work or go to school at all!" Your optimism is quickly replaced by despair when the snow incessantly falls heavily for a month. The city is too slow to implement an evacuation plan and no word of this ever reaches the outside world. All the citizens are now forced to live under a 50 km height of snow.

I wish I had satellite tv.

Your wish is granted. Later you find that your satellite tv is actually sending secret alien signals to Alpha Centauri, it so happens that a patrolling Zentraedi scout ship is passing by and picks up the signal, creating a sign for space aliens to home in on earth and take over your house. You are captured and are brought on to the mothership of the Zentraedi where Exodol questions your very punitive presence on Earth. You experience the worse human torture ever conceived by these brutal aliens.

I wish I had FFXII for North America PS2s right now.

Wish Granted, but the person you bought it from put viruses in all of them, making them explode. This reign of terror kills the VG industry and nothing is left but the legacy of SEGA. This is cool, but they become so rare that they appear in museums everywhere, so no one can play on them.


I wish that there was chaos the world over. Anarchy in otherwords.

Wish granted, but suddenly a massive ceasefire magically takes place and world peace arrives. All weapons are totally eradicated from the face of the earth, and the world's anger subsides instantly. Everyone mindlessly lives on with eternal love as their only thought, the end.

I wish Olive Garden restaurants would re-open in Canada.

Can you put stipulations on your wish?

You get a turkey sandwich but then you quickly don't have one (as it is gobbled in seconds and is now being acidified inside your stomach).

I wish that I could fully function without sleep.

Granted.. However, your ability to stay awake and feel normal at all times results in you becoming utterly bored during most nights. Nearly everyone else sleeps during this time, but you don't need to. When you try to, it becomes difficult since there's no fatigue to help you get to sleeping. You decide that making yourself pass out by using drugs is the next best thing, but this obviously makes you unhealthy. :( The drugs mysteriously disfigure your face also, so people can't pass by you without saying "LOL U UGLY!"

I wish I had an endless supply of hot & sour soup.

Granted, but then your soup turns cold and sweet... Then I pee in it and say it's chicken broth.

I wish that people on another board I'm doing this at would actually remember to make a wish...

Some magical power grants your wish. The posters begin including wishes. The wishes, however, are in a language you don't understand. Thus, people begin posting wishes, but no one is able to corrupt them.

I wish I had a working flamethrower.

Granted, but you burn while trying to figure out the mechanics of the flamethrower.

I wish I had a corn dog.

Wish granted. However, it turns out to be a rabid corn dog and it bites you first. You try to ask for a rabies shot, but the doctors say, "Do you think we're that dumb?" and ignore your pleas for a rabies shot. It doesn't end well.

I wish China would stop killing innocent dogs b/c of a rabies threat.

You do have a corn dog, but unfortunately your girlfriend thought it would be fun to get kinky with a corn dog and it ends up... well... somewhere where you don't want it.

:EDIT:
Instead of killing the dogs, they begin deporting them to Japan illegally, and soon the entire island turns rabid, and we never see Wii, PS3, MGS4 or FFXIII... :(


I wish that Shin would bring sexy back.

Your wish is granted, but Shin is transformed into Justin Timberlake.

I wish the world would go away.

Granted, but in a "The Big Bang" it starts all over again.

I wish The Hulk would get over the fact that the flower is stronger than him.

wish granted, but then you tell the hulk and he goes on rampage, ending civilization as we know it.

I wish I was being given more shit to do at work.

Granted, you are given so much work that it overwhelms you. You lose your job, and your life slowly spirals out of control from there.


I wish I had a really cool hat.

Wish granted.

However, this hat is literally "really cool," below freezing in fact. After putting the hat on your head, it gets frozen to your scalp, and you can't take it off. After trying desperately to get it off, your brain starts to gradually freeze. First your physical coordination goes awry, and then your senses start to freeze up and you go blind and deaf, etc. Before your last throes of agony, you are a drooling, incoherent vegetable of a man, and nobody dares come close to you due to the stench surrounding you, as you lose all intestinal and bladder control.

Finally, you die a miserable, although fortunately painless, death.


I wish I had the ability to get up as soon as my alarm clock goes off.

Granted, you now awaken everyday with full vitality. Your production goes up, and after several promotions you eventually take over whatever place you work at. Basking in your newfound glory, you realize something...if I can accomplish this by merely waking up on time...what if I got up early! You reset your alarm clock, and get up earlier, lather rinse repeat. Pretty soon you are only getting 2 minutes of sleep a day. After 2 months of this, you persish a horribly boring and lame death.


I wish that I was taller

Wish granted.

Your skeleton immediately begins to grow to suit your desired height and then some. However, this change is too sudden for your tendons and muscles to handle, and each organ, one by one, tears off of their mountings on your frame. You would writhe in pain if you could, but that only speeds up the muscle-tearing process. In the end, your bones have grown beyond any possible healing that could have been done by the best doctors, and your are resigned to a bed for the rest of your life.

I wish that people would come up with more creative wishes in this thread.

Granted. However, they become so creative that it draws the attention of Hollywood and the GFFer's that have developed this ability are kidnapped and wisked away to Hollywood. They have so much work to do--and make so much money--that they soon ignore the forum completely and it is taken over by a bunch of jocks who only talk by using the word "fag" and women who talk about which Owens twin is hotter. Even the lame gaming forums are laughing at GFF and Bobo falls into shock over how bad the forum IQ has dropped and is shipped off to Pluto. And the monkeys continue to dance.

I wish I had telekinetic powers.

Wish granted.

However, your telekinetic powers are too powerful and realize that you cannot control it. You can hear everyone's thought within a one mile radius, even during the night. You are unable to sleep and go insane.

I wish Gamingforce Xchange would come back.

Granted. But at the price of your new powers you go mentaly insane and commit suicide. But the insanity lasts into the afterlife.


I wish I wasn't lazy so I could get of my butt and lose wieght.

Wish granted, but your powers are too much to control, and you cause the houses of these people who don't know the difference between telekinetic and telepathic to come crashing down upon them.

I wish I had a nearly prophetic talent of foresight.

I'm gonna go ahead a laugh. That was awesome.

Granted, but you forsee everything that is to come, and go insane from information overload.

I wish I would graduate from college.

Wish granted.

The courses you chose turn out to be completely incompatable with any actual job. You end up homeless and in Vancouver, where you beg for change at Canucks games. You get so depressed hanging around Canucks' fans that you kill yourself.

I wish I could travel through solid matter like in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension.

Granted. Unfortunately, you end up getting pulled by gravity into the ground the very first time you test this new power. Since you can't stop moving through the ground without your arteries getting clogged by dirt, and your head filled with rocks(literally), you keep going deeper towards the center of the earth, where you eventually settle at the core. Knowing that there is nothing more to do for the remainder of your now severely truncated life, you make peace with your maker and allow yourself to contribute to the suspected fusion reaction that occurs at the planet's center.

I wish for more wishes.

granted... you get more wishes, but they don't come true :P *empty wishes*

I wish that I could read minds

Granted!!!!!!!!!!!

You learn how to read people's minds, but you become so addicted to listening to everyone's boring and dull lives you lose all sense of direction in your life. The fact of hearing what random people like to eat and wear during the morning sends you on a downward spiral of insanity. Then out of curiosity you decide to read your own mind, and whole shock of wondering why you wished to read other people's minds in the first place makes your head explode.


I wish stupid/shallow people would be put on an island and be forced to kill each other off Battle Royale style.

Wish granted.
However, the selection of who goes and who doesn't is based on criteria set down by LeHah.
You are amongst those people sent to the island.
Better start practicing your knife skills.


I wish I could stop, or at least slow down, time around me, so that I have more time to get all the work done that I need to get done.

This wish is granted. However, your powers go out of control. You start slowing down time more than you want. Eventually, it freezes altogether. You are now the only person not frozen. You are truly alone.

I wish I would live to see the end.

^
Wish Granted.

Unfortunately, the end for you is now. Bye. (Anvil drops from the sky.)
(You didn't specify the end of what, did you?)

I wish I'm dead.

wish granted. however you die. neither heaven nor hell accept your soul. You don't just simply cease to exist though. your soul flows back into your rotting shell of flesh and you wander the earth, forsaken. People obviously try to kill you what with being the undead and all, but now, no matter how maimed you are, you cannot die as you are already dead.

I wish I had enough money to buy whatever I wanted at the rennaissance festival... without taking out a loan.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thanatos I wish I'm dead.

Wish granted.

But, you find that death is truly not the end, and due to your sins, you are forced to wait at the end of a huge line at the office of the Secretary of Reincarnation. The line, and room, looks exceedingly long. In fact, you can't even see the opposite wall of the office, not much less the desks at the end of the line. You get bored and start causing a ruckus in the line, and are promply escorted to a movie theater, where you are strapped down and forced to perpetually watch 3rd-rate kung fu movies from the 70s, Clockwork Orange style.


I wish I understood VHDL.

Double Post:
Shoot, you beat me.
Wish granted, however you find that, after the day is up, you have purchased everything at the festival, including all of the performers.

Good luck feeding them though. Man cannot live off of turkey legs alone.


I wish I understood VHDL.

You are. Unfortunately, you are instantly reincarnated as a goldfish at the bottom of a college student's long-neglected aquarium, where you will spend the next two years trying to get sucked into the water pump to die again ... but can't.


I wish that I had a 4.0 gpa.


Edit:

You do. But tomorrow it will be abandoned in every workplace on earth in favour of new technology that you have no hope of comprehending.

You get a 4.0gpa but you find out that they raised the gpa system to 12 points. You just failed your year at university.

I wish I had a goldfish.

Wish granted.

However, due to the sudden sensation of deja vu, you think that the goldfish is a primeval relative stuck in a goldfish's body. You start talking to it, and it miraculously talks back. However, when you show this to all of your friends and family, they think you're insane because the goldfish only talks to you. You start carrying the goldfish around with you all of the time in hopes that it will talk in public, never putting your mind at ease.

I wish for a magic flying carpet.

Wish granted.

But along with your magic carpet comes your very own Aladdin. You two fly through the endless daimond sky singing "A Whole New World" and at the end you two kiss. It's very romantic and you two decide to marry. (this was in hopes that you are a guy... if not, replace Aladdin with Apu).

I wish I could leave work now.

Wish granted.

You leave work now but that results in your boss firing you. You don't give a shit and live out the movie "Office Space." However, instead of being happy at the end of the movie, you get trapped in the burning building.

I wish Gamingforce Xchange was back.

Granted. However, Xchange is now an exchange program for porn and prostitution that Bobo uses in order to gain extra money. You are kidnapped by a few GFF ninjas and are sent to the black market where a gamer friend of Osama's dresses you like Laura Croft and you must perform lewd acts to survive until another GFF user exchanges you for Angelina Jolie. No one on GFF wants to trade Jolie.

I wish for a pet dragon to obey my every command.

Granted.

However the dragon gets suspicious about your commands, from burning the homeless, orphanages and wild life refuges. The dragon thinks you need a change of direction in your life so be brings back the pope instead of the hooker you asked him to get. The pope tries to preach to you about your wrong doings and you make the dragon eat him to shut him up. You ask the dragon to get the hooker that you wanted. Tired of your commands the dragon brings back Paris Hilton, you are more horrified with the delivery and make the dragon eat her.

The dragon eats Paris Hilton and tries as it might it cannot fly, you question how the dragon can be so full as to why it cannot fly, and it replies saying that Paris’ ego was so filling that it made him to heavy to fly.

I wish that customers would stop calling to my call center.

Wish granted. You are unbothered by calls at your job, and for a while things are peaceful, until your boss, seeing the sudden massive drop in productivity, fires you. Try as you might, you are unable to find a new job, and you end up on the streets, living in a cardboard box and fighting with hobos in order to drink their sweet sweet hobo wine, made from fermented rats, orange peels, and half-chewed Juicy Fruit.

I wish to be immortal.

Wish granted. However, you are to spend the rest of your immortal life sitting down in a small room, listening to Backstreet Boys music for all eternity. :D



I wish the birds outside will stop using my car as a toilet.

Wish granted.

Instead, the zookeepers from the local zoo use your car as a dumping ground for all the turd they shovel up out of the various enclosures. Your car is now buried in a huge, steaming pile of plop.

I wish some of you kids would put a little more thought into your replies so I didn't have to keep deleting them.

Wish granted.

However, people start putting too much thought into their replies, and every scenario becomes an essay of Crash Landon journal proportions. Eventually, the Gamingforce server gets overloaded with the overwhelming amounts of text it now holds, and the inevitable crash occurs. After 3 weeks, someone manages to get ahold of bobo to rectify the situation, and the boards finally come back up, after deleting this thread. However, it is too late. Most of the members have finally become fed up with the crashes, and leave forever, turning the once proud GFF into a barren internet wasteland.

I wish I ate breakfast this morning.

Wish granted, however the milk you had with the cereal was slightly bad. Because of that, you spend the rest of the day on the can, moaning when your butt seems like a nuclear explosion.

I wish that every fanboy around the globe would just shut up.

Wish granted.

edit - Every fanboy does shut up, but they start stalking only you. This turns out to be way more annoying than before and you get angrier every day. One day you go on a murder rampage and spend the rest of your life in jail getting some manly love from the immates.

I wish my mouse worked.

Wish granted.

Your mouse now works. However, because its so small, and can barely do any appreciable amount of work, it gets paid less than minimum wage. The mouse then attempts to protest to get equal rights as a taxpaying worker, and even gets into the news. However, due to the fact that it is the only mouse that works, and PETA is getting all over this case, no one cares anymore.

I wish my chair were more comfortable. *fidgets*

Your wish is granted. You get a new chair, much more comfortable than your current one. However, it is possess by an evil entity. You start not getting enough sleep due to paranoia that it will attack you if you close your eyes. Your work suffers. Your health suffers. However, you have a comfortable chair.


I wish the American Civil War had never happened.

Wish granted, the United States were never united. It never developed a strong military so it was taken over by Canada. The abolishment of slavery never happened and Americans became slaves to the Canadians. All people of African-American decent were either sent back to Africa where they enjoyed luxurious lives in the jungle with their treehouse mansions and monkey butlers; or they stayed in the US and became slave masters of the former white Americans now known as sub-Canadians.

I wish the war in Iraq would end so our gas prices could return to normal.

Wish granted. Consequently, the economy is unable to adapt to an instant normalization of gas prices, and as a result massive inflation takes place. The economy indicates a new even more disastrous depression period after mere months and necessities such as water spike up to the price of $50 a bottle. Keynes weeps in his grave.


I wish that NA would have first priority in game releases, even faster than Japan.

Wish granted. However, this causes a rise in illegal immigration not only from Mexico, but from Asian countries with gamers who are used to getting the best games first. The U.S. and Canada realizes the hurt in a rising number of illegal immigration from citizens who are smarter than the naturalized or native born NA citizens and these countries decide to ban all video games from NA countries in order to combat immigration. No more video games unless you order from outside the U.S.

I wish that inflation wasn't going up 3.5% or higher.

Wish granted! It isn't. However, this is because the US and Canada both just sank into the ocean, with the exception of Georgia, so the Georgians are the only ones left to carry on the memory of north america to the world.


I wish my boyfriend loved me.

Wish granted.

Your boyfriend starts loving you, as a sister. You two are now good friends which doesn't satisfy your needs. The relationship is over and you're left in the worst of moods.

I wish I could fly.

Granted. However, to get this ability you must have hollow bones and become a weird mutated bird-like creature. Some people mistaken you for an angel and they praise and worship you until Dick Cheney mistakes you for a duck and shoot you in the face. Your worshippers lose faith in you since you were suppose to be indistructable and decide to sell you to a zoo.

I wish my college would give us real tuition instead of stealing our scholarships and pell grants.