How to stear somebody away from a wife-beater boyfriend.
 

My coworkers have come to me to try to get a fellow coworker of ours away from a leeching wife-beating boyfriend that she's presently dating. I'm the one that gets to be the spokesman because apparantly she had a crush on me at one point.

Now it's not a case of heresay. This guy has a history. 31, 3 failed marriages (one of which was a former employee at my workplace). She's even admitted to him doing a couple things that are certainly not "normal" or "accidental". On top of it, he's a leech. So we all know what's gonna happen...he's gonna suck her dry, beat the crap out of her, and leave.

Everybody else is getting frustrated trying to get through to her. I've tried talking to her and even being ultra sweet, but it's like she doesn't get the trouble and danger she's getting herself into.

How do you get into it across to somebody like this?

I'm not sure how aware she is of her boyfriend's past, but if she is, and still chooses to be with him.. then I think it's going to be bloody tough to get her to come around. She might have found a way to justify his behavior, and abusive boyfriends can be very persuasive -- they often have a psychological hold on their partners.

That said, see if you can get one of the ex-wives to talk with her. They might help, since they can describe to her how abusive he can be.

Women who pick guys like that do it on purpose, whether or not they even realize it. There's nothing you can do, VG. How many times have you let a person talk you out of a relationship? It just doesn't happen.

It sucks when you know what a huge mistake someone's making and you just have to sit back and let the chips fall where they may. And that's really all you can do. =/

Actually, I'm not sure if this will work, but if you want to influence someone instead of telling them what to do, you ask questions. Make them think about the situation. Or just bring up things about the guy that are not so great, in a non-challant sort of way. You want to get them thinking "hey, maybe he is a dipshit" without ever actually suggesting it. It's a little tricky, but if you're patient and smart about it, it's doable.

Wait, how does he beat her exactly? Is she coming into work with bruises on her face? Generally, the law can't do anything unless theres a sign of physical abuse to get the ball rolling.

Personally, I'd just let it happen. Everyone is stupid, just in different ways and about different things. If she's sticking around to get beaten, then she deserves to be beaten, end of story.

From what I've been told, she's been "split open" once, and even though she has told me once that she'd "leave him if he hit me". Apparantly she said that happened herself to somebody.

And I know something else has happened, but I'm too disgusted by it to even discuss it here. Basically, he turned her into a bathroom. You figure it out. *pukes*

I'm going to assume that means she got a deep cut and not some sexual inference.

I know a chick that was into that. I mean, myself, I don't understand it - same thing with feet or any number of more crazy/disturbed fetishes - but getting pissed on is pretty popular apparently.

I hope it was voluntary though

From what I've been informed, it's indeed the former.

No.

If she stayed with him after that, it was.

Heres what I dont understand - how is someone involuntarily pissed on? Did he just kick down the door while she was on the can and piss all over her? Or was she sleeping?

Like - how do you NOT know you're being urinated on and how do you NOT react in horror unless you're in that stuff?

People get abused all the time. It's no more strange that someone would stick around even though they're in danger or being killed than it is for someone to be bullied into allowing themselves to be pissed on.

Yeah but what logistics are involved? I mean, its not like you can really SURPRISE someone by urinating on them, right? It's not like you can just dash into the kitchen with your cock in hand and then piss down her leg before running off.

No, but you can say, "bitch, I'm gonna piss on you, and if you don't like it, I'll break your jaw." That tends to work well on these kind of women, it seems.

VG, I told you to beat him up already! Quit waiting!

But seriously, this girl doesn't see how bad he is or else she wouldn't have had stuff like this happen to her. It seems as though she has some self-esteem issues and he's probably playing on that to make her stay.

I agree with Ginko. Can you get one of the ex-wives to talk to her? Sometimes it takes another person that's gone through it to get them to see the light.

i dunno... seems like she's one of those "I'll change him!" kinda people...

I agree with Miyomi, get one of the ex-wives to talk to her

Yep, she is. She's got some insecurity issues and he knows it. He plays her, she thinks she can change him. The only person losing out is her. I've had dealings with a person like this before (my ex).

I figured getting an ex-wife was a good idea, even before creating this thread. I'm sure one of the members of the group knows her and can get her to meet up with my coworker, being that some of my group worked at the same time she did and probably know her somewhat.

You may be right, but you guys are people who may know of resources that I might not be aware of. That's the advantage a forum brings.

That would usually piss a smart person off. I know it pisses ME off.

The only thing you can really do VG is to express your two cents, try to encourage her into leaving him, offering your own help, advice and assistance, and hope she does the right thing.

Some people are really stupid. The sooner you learn this, the better off you'll be.

Or youcould just anonymously tip off the cops. I wouldn't know.

The key, Sass, is to not seem like you're actually doing it. Even "smart people" can be pretty easily fooled.

99.9% of the time when somebody thinks they're fooling me, I know what they're up to. I almost never let on that I'm wise to their little antics, but my level of respect for that person decreases. Just sayin'.

What you're suggesting, then, is "planting seeds" in the mind. Which is admittedly easy to do to even the SMARTEST people. But its also incredible conniving if you ask me. I prefer the much more direct route.

But whatever the dumb broad is more receptive to.

Just be aware that any advice you give has the chance of being ignored. Thats something everyone always needs to be prepared for.

Well, from what we know, the woman hasn't shown herself to be the most rational person in the world, so I dunno if subtle hinting would really have much of an effect.

Man, I hate to break out the "I'm right" card, but I'm basically speaking from personal experience. I've talked people out of a lot of things just by asking the right questions. I'm not always that patient (actually, seems like I rarely am these days) but it works because you're basically just getting them to see things from your perspective. Nobody really wants advice, especially adivce that's difficult to take because they always fall back on "well, they don't really know how hard it is" so that shit doesn't work. You have to make them think.