Question about killing an elephant
 

Alright, so I just had this strange thought. Imagine you're just standing peacefully at a street corner, whether it's in the city or in your neighborhood, and out of nowhere!

A ten ton African Bush Elephant is charging at you with murder in it's beady little eyes.


So what to do? You can't really outrun this mass of killer grey, so you've kinda gotta kill it. My real question and inquiry, is how would you do it? I guess you can take a few liberties, such as being able to outrun it long enough to grab some makeshift weaponry or something, but the end result has to be the same: the elephant must die!

Kick open a fire hydrant and flood the street, and then use a low-hanging power line to electrify the puddle. Just like poor Topsy.

Run sideways in hopes that it would not come after me since it is probably difficult for elephants to make sharp turns. Then, I would run into a building, preferably a large building, and hope that the elephant is slowed by the items within the store so I could escape (or even killed if it has to be killed, but I wouldn't want it dead unless it was a last resort). I don't think someone could grab something like a kitchen knife or a handgun to kill an elephant, so if the elephant did have a special vendetta against someone then they would have to be crafty enough to avoid the elephant or pray that a high-power gun is nearby and loaded.

I'd say use the basic fear of animals : Fire.

Fire will scare any animal away as far as i know, that way killing it isn't your only option.

If you must fire a gun at it (which is considered a futile weapon) aiming for the mouth or the ears will generally be more painful and disruptive to it, generally any part of the elephant's skin is sensetive and it won't care if the shot is lethal, it will hurt it and give you enough time to run away reaaal far..
And if you're a good shot a well lined-up shot from a Magnum (perhaps) through the mouth will most likely reach the brain, since that's where the skin offers the least resistance (skin around the mouth, that is).

Although a silly question, who knows when any of us might have to really kill an elephant, and where better to put silly theoretic questions than on a board on the internet? Heheheh..

Personally I'd just go SSJ4, scream a ton, then rip its head off.

Edit:

Here's a movie of it.

http://img224.imageshack.us/img224/3929/ggif1806va.gif http://img224.imageshack.us/img224/496/ssj46ea.gif http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/9...302x1971nm.gif

This is the only reasonable answer to this question. Anything else results in death.

First, I'd load my P90 and smack the elephant in the face with a lead-shower of 50 rounds of 5.7x28mm ammo. Not that it would help, but that's just to give it a hint of what is to come.

Then I'd spinkick it in the face. This should slow it down. Then I'd use my guile to disguise myself as a cardboard box. The elephant will slowly bleed to death - and I'm off to the nearest bar, having a beer.

First, one must seek a way to calm the elephant. Having a rapport with animals akin to Dr. Doolittle, I have found breakdancing the best way to do this. While the elephant is in a calm state, register at a message board of which it is a member. Use whatever personal information revealed by said elephant to mock it mercilessly around the message board. When the elephant next logs on, it will either die of embarassment or commit suicide.

Punch that fucker in the head and scream "I'm the Juggernaut BITCH!"

Spit in its eyes and kick it to death?

couldn't we just shoot the brain with some kind of harpoon so they will get instant death? =/

I feel terrible when some creatures experiences painful death like the whales. Chicken are just so lucky, they are chopped in instant.

Since we're on the realm of pure fantasy...

http://www.alexisparkinn.com/photoga...test_stand.WMV

Minigun pwnage for the elephant.

What do you think I meant when I said "just like poor Topsy?"

Grab a mouse, thus scaring the elephant and sending it equally scared and angry, but in the opposite direction. An African Bush Elephant's top speed is around 40km/h, thus approximately giving me a comfortable 40 days before it circles back the earth and threatens me again. By that time I figure I'll have been able to get an elephant gun, or at the very least, moved somewhere else as to not be in the elephant's path once it comes back. Some other sucker can deal with it.

Wait, elephants are scared of mice, right? Right?

Feed it some moonshine laced water.

I may require a talking mouse.

I wish I could just kick open fire hydrants.

HuLk SmAsH! HuLk`! EaT TaStEe HePhAlUmP!!!

http://membres.lycos.fr/canard1999/hulk253-2.JPG

And what if the nearest cliff is say... fifteen miles away? You gonna pull some track and field shit, or what?

I'd choke the thing with my legs.

Probably not the best course of action, but what the fuck.

Elephants don't go down so easily. Here's something that happened in my State a few years ago:

Ok, so that's 1 full clip + an additional 36 shots with my P90.

And then another 3 rounds. I still won't have to use more than 2 clips. Emptying the clip takes less than 10 seconds, reloading takes about 5, and emptying more than half the second clip takes less than 10 seconds too, so if I'm slow - that'll take me about 25-30 seconds tops. How far away is the elephant and how fast is it charging at me?

I'll carjack and drive to the nearest cliff and let it fall to it's doom then. :D

Easy. I'd pull up my shirt. My horrible sun starved stomach would blind the creature and essentially burn it's eyes. Then I'd sing a song, thus also making it deaf. The pain should paralyze it. Then I'd bury out it's brains with a spoon.

I'd use an elephant gun duh.

Umm... Well, I know a guy who lives nearby who has one of those nifty .50 cal rifles he uses for long range match shooting. I think i'd go borrow that.

Obviously they were not using a strong round, an a peashooter like a P90 wouldnt help. It'd have to be one of those old huge ass English rifle rounds. An M60, which shoots a .306 if Im not mistaken, or a .308. That would do the job, send tracers into the fucker.

If I had nothing, Id probably run. They are fast but what else can you do. Unless you go GTA and steal and car and all that jazz.

.308 to be precise, but you don't understand - the P90 is just used to soften it up! The kick'll take care of the rest.

Just shouryuken it's balls and hope that "it" is a "he".

My personal code condemns my killing elephants, so I would simply hide in the nearest rhino, and make an exit later.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...on/AVRhino.jpg

I would be very sad, but if it were absolutely necessary, then I would blind the elephant by shooting both it's eyes with the deadly precision of a laser guided gun of some sort. As a result, it will rampage off in random directions, or flinch in pain *cringe* and wouldn't be after me anymore. Animal Control can't take care of the rest.

Theoretically, since we are delving into imbrobabilities, I could use a slingshot to blind it, making it rampage almost randomly. This wouldn't be the ideal modus operandi, but at least I wouldn't be in as much danger. Hopefully, such a tactic would force the beast to run away from me. Since the discussion requires me to solve the problem by killing the elephant, this idea is useless.

If I were in a large city, I might be able to lift a manhole cover, assuming I could open one quickly, and the elephant might trip. Again, this wouldn't kill it, so I'll move on.

If I were near a vet's clinic or hospital I might be able to find some tranquilizing stuff, but the likelihood of using it successfully is slim.

I'll settle on this:

There happens to be a military show in town on the same day the elephant decides to charge at me. As it's charging, I hop in a tank (loaded for a demonstration) without anyone noticing. The crowd and military men notice the rampaging elephant and begin taking action themselves. Then, I fire multiple shots from tank, hoping just to strike the creature once. The animal ends up dead and I end up in serious legal trouble.

I'd get Chuck Norris on the fucker. It wouldn't stand a chance.

Just shove your fist up its anus. It might even like it and give you the keys to his apartment.

Run in a zigzag pattern. The elephant will experience lag when it changes direction because of its mass. You, on the other hand, will be able to switch directions much quicker and will be able to outrun it. Hooray!

Has anyone seen thai fighter2?
they killed an elephant in that movie. they also threw an elephant out a window. that'd be my choice. chucking it out a window.

oh wait, my friend has tons of fireworks for july4th. illegal in my state but i'd still use that as arsenal.

Attack weak spots for massive damage

Do a barrel roll?

I just play video games like normal people.

I'd go fist of the north star on his ass. Pressure point the trunk, and watch the whole damn thing explode in a rain of blood.

If my mad accupressure skills failed, I'd grab the nearest poor sap and and say "He did it! He has your money! He stole your rims! He slept with your wife! He's the one that stole the cookie from the cookie jar! He bitch slapped your momma! It was all him!"

I'd head towards the river and try to dodge at the last second while it's rampaging towards me, once it falls into the Hudson River it'll die due to the awesome pollution. I imagine it'll start to dissolve while cursing my name.

I would probably say for me the best way to kill an elephant is get the elephant to follow me by leading him with a trail of peanuts and making him go off a cliff for the last peanut.

The best option is clearly to run straight for it, feint the trunk, footsweep it, and teabag it to death.