If your parents didn't like your bf/gf...
 

...what would you do? My now ex-girlfriend broke up with me for that exact reason. Her family is very close-knit, and her parents stated rather clearly that they would never accept me into the family. It was literally a choice of "them or me". There were a couple of other small issues, but we discussed those and mutually agreed they could have been resolved/were in the process of being resolved. We now have a very close, strong friendship. However, I am still very much in love with her, and would like very much to resume a romantic relationship. She however refuses to, due to the whole parents issue.

So my question is, if your parents forced you to choose between your blood or the person you were in love with, which would you choose?

EDIT: Mind you, I'm not going to knock anyone's opinions, or use this to say to her "Look, see?" It's just something I'm curious about. Gauging opinion.

Clearly the parents, who in the world raised you and gave you money to support you (though this depends on the situation of the household for this is my personal perspective in regards to my family). It is between "love" and "family unity," personally family unity comes first due to responsibility. There are plenty of other fish in the sea while you just have ONE immediate family.

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

Parents, if they make sense. Under trite reasons like, he has pierced ears or tattoos, I probably wouldn't listen but from an objective point of view, a lot of times parents make a lot of sense over the criticisms they have for the current boyfriend. But I don't think I could ever marry a man my mother didn't like. Although to be honest, she'd only like me to marry a doctor or lawyer with a six figure annual income who's at least 5'11.

But really, if it was an ultimatum "me or them", I'd choose the family. Simply because relationships come and go but no one, I really mean no one, will love you like your family loves you.

A pity, guess your mother wouldn't like me then. Waah (cries in the corner due to being 5'8")

Well, to to quote my ex, she said the reason her parents didn't like me was because they felt I "couldn't protect her". Now, I'm not a big guy, but I can fight when I need to. Her brother was big, played football. He ended up dying in a car wreck. The reason they felt I couldn't protect her was because I wasn't as big as her brother was. This is all according to her, again.

If your girlfriend leaves you just because her parents don't accept you, than maybe it's better that way. Doesn't sound like true love anyway (I mean, if I really loved someone, I wouldn't leave him just because my parents wanted it that way)

i would go with the person i loved, but that's because i know my parents are racist, would only ever accept someone who is earning a six figure salary and is ideally an accountant, doctor or lawyer. also because i just don't have any feelings towards my parents.

What was the parent's reasoning?

I mean, who the fuck are they to tell you who to date? Having shitty relationships with your parents and through dating is part of growing up. I sincerely doubt any sane person would ditch their kids because of who they're dating.

Maybe it's some Saudi Arabian family; I heard fathers trade their daughters for Rolls Royce there.

Speaking from a experience, just let it go man. Fighting it is just going to make you bitter.

Personally though, I would say fuck you to my parents since I'm a very independent person. My family doesn't even know the details of any relationships/fuck buddies I've ever had. I don't purposely keep them in the dark, they just know better than to be judgemental about who I chose interested in, because I'm not having that shit.

Ha-ha! Nope. Caucasian, blond hair, blue eyes.

Double Post:
Thought about this in the shower. Now, I'm not extremely close to my family, but I still love them. My dad has some anger issues, and my mom is 3 kinds crazy, but I love them both. However, if they stated flat-out that I would have to choose between them and the person I was in love with, I'd tell them to slag off. Not because I believe that love is more important, but because I think that if my parents truly love me, then they should respect whatever choices I make concerning who I might spend the rest of my life with. Let me make my own decisions, learn from whatever mistakes I may make. That's what irks me about this, is that they don't respect her choice, and put her in this position. Honestly, I feel that the person asking you to unconditionally choose between them and someone else is the one you don't go with. It's selfish and unfair. But that's just my opinion, mind you.

Sure. But then its a question of how much you trust their judgement, and that has nothing to do with their being your parents--you might have an insightful friend who's view you are equally obligated to consider. My dad is a very intelligent man, if he has a problem with someone I'm dating, I'm going to seriously consider his words. But they don't have weight because hes family, they have weight because hes smarter than I and its quite possible he sees something I don't.

But keep in mind, your parents aren't in a position to get to know your GF/BF nearly as well as you. Your view holds more weight than theirs, and they should respect this. If they don't, then either A. They don't have much respect for you, or B. They're know-it-all control freaks. I don't accept either of these in people I associate with, family or not.

Parents can have a wise view on things at times. Depends on your parents. Some folks have batshit crazy moms & dads. Mine are very down-to-earth and if they complain about something, they won't say it to my face. They don't wanna hurt my feelings unless they feel the need to. There's this gal my oldest brother is going out with. She's a follow-up to a girl he went out with for, like, three years. My mom loved that girl to death and essentially stapled "DAUGHTER-IN-LAW" to her forehead. He dumps her and goes to someone else. She never said any complaints to his face, but man she was upset that he didn't stick with that girl. Behind his back, she almost made a list of why she didn't approve of her. Simply because she strongly believed the last one was the perfect match. The reason they broke up was that they were "too similar," I think. It was kinda eerie, but still, I figured they would've gotten hitched for sure.

My dad is very laid back. He sees dating as an experience you should diversify in. Trial & Error. He's very perceptive of our womens.

The girl who I've had an on-and-off relationship with in recent years really loves my mom and vice versa. They get along nicely. My dad is approving, as always.

But still, I get buzzed with some jabs from my old man because this girl's mother was a stripper =p My mom knew of her past employment from speaking to the stripper's ex-hubby some time ago.

"Well, at least ya know she'll look nice in twenty years, Marshall."
>__>

Bottom line? Unless ma & pa have some damn good reason not to go out with them, stick with how you believe. Just because you go against their word and hang around with the guy or gal in-question doesn't mean they'll burn all your photos and disavow parental status. If you see what they meant later on (ie: troublemaker, lazy, no future, etc) then you can give them the ability to say "I told you so."

Hate to sound corny, but a lot of life is a learning experience. Things are put in text books for those who take-it-with-faith often. If you don't trust the text, go against it. You might just have an angle to disprove it.

I'd ask my parent's WHY they have a problem with it. Then weigh the situation carefully. I wouldn't just go dump my gf because my parents didn't like her unless there was a good reason.

Even though I'm 13 if my parents didn't like the girl I was dating then I'd probably end the relationship. After all your parents are the ones that raised you, and they have already experienced things like this before in their lifes, so they know about it.

This is very unfair to you, and you should cut it off. How can you really call someone friend when you are being forced into such a position?

As for parents issuing such an ultimatum in the first place, it is something unthinkable in my family. To make the suggestion that one could cut off a child in such a manner and still call themselves a parent is absurd.

Dating at 13? Are you serious, boy?

Well, I'm not being forced into this position, per se. I choose to be in it, call me stupid if you will. To be honest, she's the closest person to me in the whole world still, someone I can just open up to speak my mind with, and vice versa. Just because she broke up with me doesn't mean she doesn't care about me or consider me a confidante. I count myself lucky we're still as close as we are (it's a lot better than my first girlfriend who left me for another girl. Snap.), but I feel that we could make a relationship work. Her parents are really the only reason why it won't. I don't know, maybe I'm asking too much.

Double Post:
God, wow. After posting that last comment, I noticed this.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y32...men/gfflol.jpg

Now THAT'S irony.

My boyfirend does not have that problem, my family loves him, but it is a different story when it comes to me with his family. I has a grand time with his father cuz we often talk about the same stuff, but his mother isn't that fond of me.

I can be picky two, I have no younger sisters but I do have a cousin that I treat as a sister, we where best buds. howver i cannot stand her boyfirend... she just turned 19 and already she is preganent and he dosn't like it! too bad for him I say, not only that, but he smokes around her and throws a fit if he does not have his cigaretts on hand. both are not living in the most sanitary conditions either... from what I hear from my aunt, the place is a pigsty...

This is what I'd do in this type of situation:

Ask my parents to explain what's wrong with my girlfriend. If it's reasonable, I'll take it into consideration. However, if it's something ridiculous like her not being a Christian or being a non-Caucasian race, then too fucking bad, she's still going to be my girlfriend anyway.

Besides, if the latter of the two situations were to occur, it's not like my parents are never going to speak to me again.

Also, my dad's mom didn't like my mom when my parents got married and over the years my grandma started to like her. So it's not like the parents can't eventually like the girlfriend/boyfriend.

I wouldn't put up with it if my parents told me I had to choose between them and who I loved. Any parent who does that is a control freak and can't understand that you're not a kid anymore. Everyone has to live their own life, not the life their parents want them to live.

Too many parents expect their kids to be a younger version of themself and when they see you making a decision that they personally wouldn't make then it's automatically wrong. But most parents there is no sense even trying to argue with them over something, they think that since they're the parents that they're right no matter what regardless of how old their children have become.

Parents seem to be among the most unreasonable people on the planet, I really hope I don't end up behaving like this if I ever have kids.

A lot of the time, it's just parents reacting to a possible worst case scenario.
It's usually about something trivial like a tattoo means he hangs out with gangs or wearing mini skirts and lotsa make up means she's slut, but there sometimes ARE legitimate concerns, which people can be oblivious to because of that fickle thing called love.

The thing with some people is that they NEVER learn, DESPITE objections and warnings, which is what parents fear most - their kids never learning from their mistakes.

But how can you learn if they don't let you experience it?

That's what happened to me.

My friends were dating in 6th grade, so I asked my mom when I could start. "See me at 16."

On my 16th birthday, I asked her again (patient, wasn't I?), her response:
"See me when you're 18."

By the time I turned 18, I was like, "screw it, I'll wait until college." (I think I'd rather have had the social life than good grades, mom!)

My mother has met many of my boyfriends, or talked to them on the phone. She doesn't form an opinion just by looking at them--she actually talks to them. And if she meets them, she watches them and what they do.

But--although no man will ever be good for her "baby" (I'm the youngest), she will NEVER give me an ultimatum in choice. She believes her children should learn by doing, and if she's raised me right, I will be okay--even with a few bumps along the way.

And this is what happened with your girlfriend's parents:

They've already lost one child. They don't want to lose another. The size thing is just an excuse. They weren't able to protect her bigger, older brother together, so they feel that one small person won't be able to protect the most precious thing in their lives.

Meh, if my family had an issue with the woman I am dating (soon to marry) I'd tell them to fucking deal with it. If they couldn't deal with it, that is fine, they just wouldn't have the pleasure to know their grandchildren when that time came around.

Mm, I came to more or less the same conclusion. However, according to my ex, her brother was very rebellious, partially due to peer influence, partially due to the stifling nature of the family relationship, particularly from their mother. When he crashed his car, he was under the influence. Now I'm no expert on human behaviour, but usually rebellion and drinking/getting high go hand in hand. I'm not saying that they killed him, indirectly or otherwise, but one would think that they would at least make some connection, and lay off a little. But, I'm not a parent, so maybe I just can't understand.

I'm only 17 this year, haven't got a boyfriend yet. But this always happens to my sister. Coming from a strict family, my sister and I aren't allowed to go on a date too often in a month (yes, it's limited by my parents).
Well, what happened to my sister was, her boyfriend smokes and obviously, my strict parents didn't like it. They tried to discuss it over, and finally my parents approve of him as long as he doesn't smoke whenever he is near us.
Anyway, I think discussing over the reasons why your parents didn't like your bf/gf is important.

I couldn't care less what my parents thought and I just don't get why people break up over this.

If my parents loved me, they would be behind me 100%. They wouldn't judge and butt into my life telling me to leave him. It isn't their decision. If he makes me happy, they should be happy too.

The only way I can see this actually being positive is if the guy is a real @sshole. Other than that, they should be happy for me, not against me. I hate parents who tell you to break up because they don't like your partner. What is it to them? You are the one dating them, not your parents. If you're happy, screw what your parents say.

Luckily, I don't have a problem because my parents are cool with my boyfriend ^_^

I suppose it never occurred to you that maybe your parents, having lived a lot longer and having had the opportunity to learn a little more about how to judge a person's character (and about life in general) might see something you missed.

Nevermind the fact that as long as someone is a minor child living in their parents' home it is the parents' responsibility to make sure their kid is OK. Once the kid is grown and out on his own, I agree. Parents need to say their peace and then butt out.

I don't mean to be hard on you. I went through that stage of life myself when I truly didn't think my parents were any wiser than I was. But ohhhhh how wrong I was.

Just because someone or something makes you happy doesn't mean that person or thing is right for you. And sometimes that's hard to see when you're young.

Your average person isn't dumb enough to be with someone who they know treats them like garbage. You spend your time with that person, not your parents. You know that person better than they do so how can they say anything really? Unless you come home crying and telling them about how you argue daily, I don't see how your parents could have any say in your relationship.

Not to say that there aren't people out there who don't leave the second they get treated like dirt but what can you do? Those people obviously either don't see the light or are too afraid to leave. A lot of them are stubborn and can be told 1000 times to leave but they love the person so much that they can't, no matter how bad they treat them. The thing is, now we are starting to get into abusive relationships. That is a whole other issue compared to what people here are talking about which seems to be your general "my parents hate my bf/gf just because..." sort of thing. In that respect, I think parents have no say. It's your life and the life you choose to live.

For me personally, I think there is a certain age where people just shouldn't have a GF/BF only because they are just too young. 13? Are you serious? Wow, for me that is young to be in a relationship. I was still being a kid skipping scholl, hanging out with my friends, going to parties, not thinking about a relationship. Meh, that's my opinion but I guess times are changing.

I might be a little old fashioned and my posts are more from personal experience but I was one of those people who didn't jump at the first guy that asked me out. I never had a boyfriend until I was 20 years old. I was more mature and found a person who is perfect for me. We get along great, we love the same things, we think the same way. He is older than I am and he has taught me alot. I am a hell of a lot smarter than I was before I met him and even smarter than I was a year ago. I've been with him for 4 years now and for a first relationship, not a lot of people can say that they have held on that long. In high school people seem to be getting a new love every year or two. I've seen a ton of my friends go through it time and time again.

Maybe my opinion is so different because I am thinking about relationships between people who are a little older than 13 where parents don't like the other person.

I can see it both ways. One way is that her parents are right. They know what's best for her, and if they will hate her for being with you, then that's not going to be a happy relationship either, no?

But as for going for yourself, if you think about people coming out of the closet, it's not like you can help who you are, much less help who you end up falling in love with. In cases like these, the parents must accept that this is who their child is and live with it... she's independent (I'm assuming 18+ years). And their reasoning that you're not "big" enough isn't as serious as say, religion.

If my mom didn't like my gf, I can honestly say it wouldn't be a problem. She doersn't even know I'm not single, and if she did, I'd never let my gf meet any of my family out of respect for her own sanity. But in all seriousness, it wouldn't be a big deal to me at all...

Like some have said earlier, I'd find out what their problem was before making any sort of decision. Honestly though, unless it was something like "She cheats on you" and they had pictures or some other kind of undeniable proof, it wouldn't matter what they said. I'd still date her anyway. My mom just recently married a douchebag that everyone hates and she knew it, so she wouldn't have any room to say anything. I'd be more willing to listen to my dad, but he lives in Tampa, so he wouldn't really know anything.

If that girl was willing to give you up so easily just because her parents told her to, she's probably not worth it. Life goes on, buddy.

My parents are very close-minded when it comes to guys. My dad gets to see the worse in men every single day at work, so he basically hates every single guy I come into contact with automatically. My mom is less likely to say that she disagree's with my choice in men, but she doesn't approve of interracial relationships (even though she's 1/4 Cherokee) or my siblings/me dating anyone that is greater/less than a year within our age.

Since all the men interested in me decide to date my friends instead, I never really had to deal with the problem. However, the last few times I did find a guy to date (4 years ago), I decided that it was best not to tell my parents that I was taken unless I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. If they disapprove of it, then I would listen to their reasons of why they disapprove of it and take it into consideration. Unless I see something seriously wrong, I'd probably stay with him because it's up to me to decide what is right for me...and it's really hard to find a straight guy that thinks I'm remotely attractive without one of my friends luring him away.

First of all, I know a lot of shrimpy guys who can kick any knuckle-headed body-builder's butt due to their knowledge of martial arts. I've seen a 200 lb officer take down someone who was about 2-3 times his muscle mass b/c he knew how to wrestle and redirect force. Besides, the really buff guys around this region are more likely to beat their significant others almost to death. I know it's not true in other regions, but here it is a sad fact.

I would love to see if there was any sort of way that you could prove to her parents that you could protect her. Then again, if the excuse of you "not being able to protect her" was fake, then they may see you take down 50 ninja's or so and make up the excuse that they're afraid that you would hurt her. Life is about risk. After all, they let her go to school by herself right? They're not holding her hand as she walks across the street right? If they can trust her to protect herself in the real world, then wouldn't it be better odds having you added to her protection rather than her being alone in the fight? I'm sorry, but this is suppose to be a world of equality, not a world where parents force a guy into becoming the girl's knight in shining armor. You should be her boyfriend, not her bodyguard. If you can help protect her from the baddies in society, then you are very noble, but to not accept someone b/c they think that you can't protect her is just wrong.

Interesting, I had the EXACT same problem a couple of years ago... But in the end I would choose my lover over my parents. My family is really close to me and I take their advice 90% of the time. But thay aren't always right. Besides, taking a little risk is always fun.... well, in the end.

Luckily, I got over her, and everything has moved on.