Until I bought a copy and looked at the actual box, I didn't realize that Elite Beat Agents had been branded as a Touch Generations title. (You know, Nintendo's "Hey kids, give this to grandma" label.) But it's totally fitting and, more importantly, absolutely vindicates my insightful punditry, i.e. making fun of the people who've freaked out about the changes from the Japanese version.

Of course, it's always great fun to mock the easily-offended sensibilities of super-hardcore Pocky-munching DDR-stepping yaoi-drawing faux-Japanophiles. (You know, the ones who are only interested in foreign culture to the extent that it intersects anime and whose frequently-employed Japanese vocabulary consists of "kawaii," "sugoi" and "baka.") But the freaked-out backlash against Elite Beat Agents has been a particularly savory chestnut to roast thanks entirely to its utter, preposterous stupidity.

Their logic, such as it is, goes like this: Ossu! Tatakae! Ouendan! was an amazing game, but its appeal was predicated solely upon all the licensed J-pop music. The humor, the gameplay, the clever comic-style scenarios were, to hear them tell it, totally immaterial. Therefore its English version -- Elite Beat Agents -- is going to be awful due to the fact that the Japanese music has been discarded in favor of songs accessible and familiar to Americans.

Never mind that it's really an entirely new game, with all new scenarios to match the new tunes. Never mind that the game could never have come to the U.S. with its original music intact, because what publisher would pay to license music that only the tiniest slice of American gamers would recognize? Maybe therein lies the problem -- gamers have a terrible time dealing with the notion that their clique, clan or cult isn't the first consideration in their favorite company's every business decision. The cliquier and clannier they are, the harder it is for them to accept this reality. And licensing Chicago and Cher for EBA sends a very clear message to the J-tards: you are not our core audience.

And good thing, too. EBA may just be the most accessible game on the DS, which is really saying something. The gameplay is simple, the scenarios are genuinely funny, and the music works well. Yeah, all of it. The clever thing about licensing familiar U.S.-charting pop is that your mom/dad/sister/grandma is going to hear David Bowie or the Village People blasting from your DS and be curious about it. And then he/she will try it. And be hooked. And suddenly, BAM, new gaming fan. Well, maybe it won't be quite so simple as that, but EBA has more potential to turn people onto gaming than just about anything else I can think of, and the fact that Nintendo recognizes this bodes well for their future, I think.

So anyway, buy EBA when it ships next week. If I'm not mistaken, it's the highest-scoring title I've reviewed all year. (Not that numbers mean anything, but you get the idea.) And you haters can go choke on a Pocky. Hopefully one of the almond-encrusted ones -- they look really painful.

Oh look, another dead guy. But this time, it's a dad, and he's got a sad little girl. It wasn't as original as making it about some other type of tragedy. The song was a bit too cliche nowadays, too.

second half of the level where they're turning people into stone.