The "Line"
 

I'm sure that we've all heard the saying, "all's fair in love and war," but lately I've been thinking... most people have "standards" and lines that they won't cross when they're looking for a partner.

For some examples... most cultures around the globe frown on incest. I know that at least most Americans believe that dating a friend's ex is taboo. Maybe going out with your teacher's a no-no, but what about after passing their class? Then there are other cirumstances... for instance, dating a co-worker, superior/inferior, etc. How much does the age difference have to be before it's too extreme?

In short, what lines do you believe that you just shouldn't cross?

I guess I can savely consider anyone from my family and close friends (and their partners) taboo. While I do not perceive incest or adultery as sins or crimes per se - we're talking consensual activities here, between people old enough to judge - it's just plain idotic to complicate you single largest base of support in life and the lifes of several people, supposedly very close and important to you.
Apart from that, there isn't really anything definite left for me, but a lot I could easily end up feeling bad about (the co-worker or friend's ex scenarios come to mind). And I always felt that the less complicated a relationship starts out, the better the chances it will make it in the long run.

Tails. Tails is my line. Everything else is fair game.


I'd hit Tails.

I draw the line at relatives.

There was a case here recently where a female teacher (fucking hot, too) slept with a 15 year old male student, who is now 18.
The media put all their 'sympathies' on the STUDENT, making the teacher out to be a sexual predator and pedophile.

But you shoulda seen the guy on TV.
In all the interviews, he's tryin to TALK in a slow, depressed way as if the experience SCARRED him for LIFE, but can SEE the smirk on his FACE.
That look of self-gratification.

Now, I see the problem with student/teacher relationships.
When it's NOT a student/teacher relationship anymore, then that's fine.
However, I see no problem with office relationships between consenting adults, so long as they don't hamper the work environment in any way.

One thing I'm open to debate about is dating a friend's ex.
My stance is no, but there's a period of time after the breakup where it may be ok to date them.
At least a year or something? Or when both parties have moved on.

In terms of age....sure there are laws in place to protect minors from pedos, but there are some who genuinely like/love each other, and not because of the exploitive nature of dating an underage person.

As a general rule of thumb, if there's a law against it, it's probably not a good idea. Well, barring crazy fundie laws, anyway.

I stay away from anybody who's already in a relationship. Angry boyfriends are just not worth it. Besides which, relationships are as fragile as autumn leaves these days, so if you keep your distance but stick around, you can be there for her on the rebound. Patience is a virtue.

I married my cousin, although he's not a close cousin, and it's not as big a deal as people make it out to be. It's very common in many cultures to marry a relative.

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but here's my "line": I wouldn't date anyone of another race or religion. There are just too many cultural differences, and marriage is hard enough without all the disagreements that would arise as a result of being raised in such different environments.

Well you are from the south.

My cousins are hot and it's legal in this state but I still wont go there. As for my line, I'd say any girl who weighs more than me. Fattys are out.

It's legal in every state in the US, and my cousin is hot, too. =p

In my state (North Carolina), you can't marry a "double first cousin" (siblings from one family marry siblings from another family and have children - their children are double first cousins). Anything farther apart than that gets a green light.

I don't think that sort of arrangement even exists in my country. It would have never happend.

You do realise your first post in this thread REEKED of redneckism though?

I don't think rednecksim is a word. I certainly don't think that rednecks are the only ones involved in this behavior.

Anyways, my line, besides what was mentioned in the first post, is dating someone I know is going to die. There seems to be no point to it. "I'll make you happy for a few months. Then, you'll die and I will be quite sad."

So you'd rather they are jsut in misery for their last few months? You selfish bastard!

Either your area is horribly segregated, or you’re butter up blatant discrimination.

As soon as I saw that you had posted here, I knew that's what you had said.

*Yawn* So predictably wrong.

I like how there are essentially no cultural differences between black and white Americans anyway. You're all Christian right?
TOO MUCH TRUBBLE!

I can only assume you're joking.

Okay, so basically you're saying that a person's race makes them a part of a particular culture then?

No, there are exceptions to everything. But what are the odds that I'd have ended up with someone of another race who had been brought up in a "white" environment? Ditto with religion and I'm not taking any chances. That's why I'd never cross that line.

Anyway, I'm married so it's a moot point. I'm just saying I wouldn't want to get serious with someone whose beliefs were vastly different from mine.

I must've been under the false impression that culture was determined by nationality and religion.

You see, this statement alone is what let me knew that your experiences with multiculturalism has probably been limited/segregated. Everybody are not tools and blindly go with what their culture dictates as right. Some people/families actually have more independent thinking. They can not only identify with people outside of their alleged culture, but accept and embrace aspects of others.

So once again *yawn* your conflict identification (race/culture) is off. It’s the person, or maybe family that counts. If you had a more multicultural experience, this wouldn’t be so foreign/unlikely to you. But since you seem to habitually be incapable of seeing things outside or your own perspective, I don’t really expect you to understand it, either.

I can accept and identify with people outside my cultural background just fine. I adore learning about people who are different than me, and I'm fascinated with other cultures. Also, I don't happen to think that my culture and background is more "right" than anyone else's. That doesn't mean I want to be married to someone with whom there will be constant differences of opinion on the most trivial of matters because of different upbringings.

I like how you're trying to twist what I've said into something racist. It's not surprising that you would do that, but it's pretty disappointing.

I whole-heartedly agree with this and your other posts here, Alice. I believe that race and background should be important here. Some people find people of different races, religion, childhoods, etc. that they can identify with. I, however, do not happen to be one of those people.

Racist? Where'd you get that from?

And if you can accept and identify with people soooo well, how would the problems you have with people of other backgrounds differ from people that have similar background, but you just don't see eye to eye on an issue with? Trivial differences happens regardless of cutlure.

Because there would be fewer differences between two people who were raised in similar environments.

Oh, and...
You're actually going to tell me that you weren't trying to put a racist slant on what I was saying?

Racists as in the context that you believe you are superior because of race, no. You know, just because you don't adequately identify with a culture, and sequentially don’t associate with them on a more intimate manner does not make you racists. That’s why I said discriminate.

I wasn’t hinting at you thinking you’re better than people. Hell, I’m too blunt to hint at stuff anyway. I say things outright. You’re the one that read into that, and maybe you should check guilt on your part.

My point was that you seem to be putting misplaced weight on class and not what’s really important, the individual (and their family if that’s important to you). If you have conflicts with an individual fine. However a person’s “culture” – while influential – doesn’t not necessarily determine the individual themselves, especially when they have enough intelligence to make their own evaluations and not be a spineless conformist.

And again, statements like:

…leads me to believe that your environment/experience is limited/segregated in regard to diversity in culture because where I live there’s vast amount of races from African American, Caucasian, Asian, European, Arabic, Indian, whatever. So much so that a lot of the times you’ll find that once race is not the “dominate one” especially betweens blacks, asians, and whites and what the activity is. Because of this, people interracially date/marry without problems – outside of typical conflicts – all the time. While I’m not claiming that conflicts don’t happen because of it, they aren’t anymore momentous than typical conflicts.

So like I said, either you’re buttering up discriminating. (paying attention to class over character) Or your environment is subjected to incompatible culture shock because of segregation.

SMX, you are either incredibly naïve or stupid if you believe there aren't vastly more differences between people raised in different cultures/religions/races than between people of the same cuture/religion/race.

I can't even believe I'm debating this with you. I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are the most idealistic person I've ever dealt with if you really believe that PC tripe.

Not all cultures are determined by race, and that's definitely what you're implying.

You know, I think you're a swell gal and all, but this really pisses me off. You just ASSUME that because someone is of a different skin-colour, that they don't know all the "white" traditions?

We darkies don't live in our own little reservations, certainly not in Europe anyway. I can only speak for the UK but it'd be hard to find a "ghetto" here. We have to mix and be a part of the dominant culture and the vast majority of us know all there is to know about the countries we are in, especially people who are second/third generation and pretty much totally Westernised.

Now, you might assume because of your limited contact (or bad experiences) with non-progressive minorities, that they are inflexible and close-minded, but that's not always the case. Conflict on the tiniest details? Would you even consider marrying/dating someone like that anyway? Of course you wouldn't, because you'd be able to tell from a very early stage if someone was so rabidly fanatical about their "traditions" that it would cause disharmony further down the line.

You could just have said "I am more attracted to white guys" and I would find that perfectly acceptable. I, for example, haven't encountered a single Asian female in my life that I could tolerate.

I don't know how it is for people down there, but in my opinion, you can SCREW the family and its beliefs; if you are in love with someone, you're marrying that person, and to hell with whoever stands in your way or tries to enforce their cultural differences on you.

Don't assume we are all the same with a preconceived notion of what minorities are like, when you clearly haven't seen the full spectrum; obviously you haven't, otherwise you wouldn't say such a thing.

Alice can hardly be called a racist just because she has some preferences as to what kind of person she's attracted to.

I bet NO ONE here can tell me they are open to EVERYTHING when it comes to the personality traits, religious beliefs, or ethnicity of a prospective partner.
There will ALWAYS be something that gets in the way.
However, that's only a problem if you let it become one.

I'm quite open when it comes to women, but I realised that I do PREFER Asian girls.

Way to steer this thread off course, SMX.

And Ulysses....
That sounds awfully like you're telling your partner to totally abandon their family and/or beliefs just because YOU don't like them.
Last I checked, that's not a really easy thing to do.
Being someone's partner means that you ACCEPT who they are, who their family is, and what their beliefs are.
That statement just makes you sounds very ignorant.

I don't think that Alice is racist, at least from what she posted in this thread. Now, prejudiced might be the word...

Having preferences is one thing; assuming that everyone is the same and avoiding them because of that belief of belief is another. Keep an open mind. Just because a person is of a certain ethnicity or background doesn't mean they fit the bill often associated with them. That's called stereotyping.

Well you could hardly be more wrong, then. I'm saying that if it came down to the wire, and you loved each other enough, you'd have to face a choice, right? It's a choice I will inevitably have to make myself actually, and i'll probably lose the acceptance of my family in the process. If a family doesn't like your choice of partner for GOOD, VALID reasons, then they'd have a point. I am talking about blind discrimination/racism, that isn't really justifiable but which remains a common thing especially in the older members of families.

I don't think she is a racist either, but that she may still have the wrong views, or at the very least not a total view of things. Like we all do to a varying degree. I'm just a little sensitive about things like this, especially being a victim of racism in the past. Rubs me the wrong way.

EDIT: Oh yeah and Tama8-chan, i'm not talking about orientals; here in Britain Asians refer to people from the Indian sub-continent. So no, I wasn't insulting the women you prefer :P.

I like how you switched from logic attack to person attack mode so smoothly, Alice. Great job.

Not that I agree with Alice in any shape or form, but I have to wonder exactly how far the PC bandwagon is going to take it.

Not only content to go about determining how everybody should speak, now they want people to take their advice when it comes to relationship preferences?

What does the anti-racism, anti-preduce, anti-stereotyping brigade have to say about what I had for dinner?

was it multicultural and open-minded enough for everybody?

Well done in derailing this further DG. The fact is that Alice automatically dismisesed the prospect of a relationship with anyone other than a white christian american on a naive belief that differences between her group and others must be too immense to build a relationship on. Which is fucking nonsense.
Love is little more than friendship with a physical attraction, I'm sure Alice would have no problem being friends with people of other races creeds and nationalities. But why would she then have a problem with kissing one?

Well, because she possibly can't see out of her own backyard.

My point is that perhaps she shouldn't have to open up something so personal to the criticism and recommendations of other people, or at least shouldn't have to submit to being barraged with endless 90s feelgood rhetoric about us all being the same deep down.

...besides, she already married her cousin so unless he carks it, darkie is just going to have to have to wait his turn to take a shot at this prize pony.

I wouldn't have a problem kissing them, RAB. I'd probably even let them get to third base. =p

You guys are missing my point, though. In all seriousness, I just think that a person should really consider the big picture when they become involved with someone.

I posted the same thing in a religion thread once. Marriage is hard enough without having to debate the little things. Let's just say I married a Jewish guy. Now, if he happened to not be very devout, things would go more smoothly, of course. But if he was really into his faith, there would constantly be issues about how and when and WHO we worship, what we eat for dinner, etc. Those kinds of differences are perfectly acceptable between friends, but in a marriage - NO WAY. If you guys want to deal with that, fine. I'm in no position to tell you how to live your lives. I just happen to prefer eliminating the possibility that I won't have a partner who goes to church with me.

Is that so wrong?

I think it's sad that people think they have the right to tell others what they should permit in their own personal lives. If I want to avoid spending the rest of my life with a person who believes that we should bow down to Allah every morning and evening, who are any of you to tell me that's wrong? I'm entitled to my preferences the same as anyone else. And once again, it's not that I think I'm better IN ANY WAY.

I don't see why it matters whether you think you're better or not.

You didn't ask to be fixed out of the position of being some sort of horrible relationship racist that everybody else is making you out to be.

You can choose to date and find garbage cans attractive for all it should fucking matter to the rest of the world.

I just laugh when everybody dives and attacks at the scent of racism or stereotypical views, because their english teachers told them to, like rhinoceroses running stomping out a fire.

My point is perhaps that such bigots should be left to inbreed (no personal offense this time) themselves into oblivion, not that what you have said convicts you of any such crime.

Ah see religion I can understand to a degree, btu you brought race into it too.

So you think there aren't some pretty major cultural differences between races?

Alice is stereotyping. Period.

Stereotypes are there for a reason, I'll give you that one, but assuming everyone fits those beliefs is wrong. If Alice doesn't want to take that chance, it's her business. But the fact stands that that's what she's doing.

I could start throwing around statements about how Alice could fit into Southern White Trash stereotypes (hell, she married her cousin), and we all know how far that'd get me.

So, alice, would you do someone whose grandfather was black?

I think its funny that you'd probably disregard anyway saying something negative about you marrying your cousin, because what matters is that you love him, but the same can't be applied to someone of another race. If you love someone enough to want to marry them, why couldn't you manage "cultural differences?" Seems like an excuse, or you're just lazy in that regard.

(ps 88)

But you think that christian american men are :tpg:

I was going to say 'me' but the personality trait thing stopped me. Good show ;), but when it comes to religious beliefs:

Being christian I was taught to accept the cultural differences in the world. "I" would not have a problem, but the person might still be uncomfortable. :o On edge and waiting for me to say something..

I used to only wanted to date white girls because black girls only wanted to argue all the time. It's generalizing I know. However, I had went back to my roots. Lots of white girls prefer to date within thier ethnic group which is cool.

Without jumping the 'fuck Alice' bandwagon, here, I think that matters a lot with where you're from. My mom is white and my dad is a Mexican-American, but becuase he was raised primarily by his step-dad, who was white, he really doesn't have much of that "Mexican pride" within him. Now, when we visit my paternal grandfather on the border who is very Mexican, there are some cultural differences, of course, but that's once-in-a-while visits.

I don't think you're racist, as long as you're arguing in general terms. For a bi-racial person who was brought up in your culture, would you reconsider?

Or you just argue from the stance "I'm not attracted to black guys", which is perfectly acceptable.

I actually have been very attracted to quite a few black guys. But I've never dated one because I've always feared getting serious with one (for reasons already mentioned), and decided it was smarter to just stay within my comfort zone. As far as the bi-racial thing, I really can't say. It would depend A LOT on his family, actually.

I also find hispanic men to be extremely hot, by the way. Really, the only racial group that I just plain do not find attractive as a general rule is asians. For God's sake, people, please don't take offense to that. Everyone has preferences.

So can you answer my thing about why loving a person is somehow less important than being able to go inside a room on sunday for a couple of hours?

One particular "Line" I feel that should never be crossed is the trust line. My family is very strict on trust, truth, and lies. That's just what you get for being born into an asian family and growing up in a asian family. My parents are the kind of people whom if you ruin your trust relationship with them, you are never, ever going to see them again. Same deal goes with my brothers and I. Break the trust relationship one time too many and they'll kick us out. I've yet to see any proof of a motive to kick a son or two out. But knowing how my parents have easily done it in the past with other adults, I guess I have something to be fearful of.

Since I grew up with parents like mine, I've somewhat adopted their policies of life. Such as the trust bond. Except, I tend to be more forgiving and gentler than my parents. My Dad especially hates this particular trait of me and blames my mother for the inheritance of such a personality trait. However, even someone as kind as I has his limits. Someone I may know well can afford to break my trust a few times, but if it becomes evident that I cannot trust this person, I'll be through with them in a matter of hours. I can't do minutes and seconds like my Dad.... or even on the fly.

Please?

Actually, you do a good job of making her point for her. She sees it a bit differently than going inside a room for a couple of hours on Sunday, and want's someone for who also shares this significance.

Here, ladies and gentlemen, we see Alice's pool of suitors. Now we know why she married her cousin.

I think, Alice, that you shouldn't be telling people HOW HARD it is to jive with a person from a different cultural, religious, or ethnic background. This is YOUR preference, and to some of us, that shit is completely inconsequential.

Of course, if you're looking for the male clone of yourself, you'll only continue to see things in tunnel vision. There ain't no harm in learning new shit, woman.

Yeah! So obviously she needs to marry somebody who ALREADY shares those feelings because LAZY!

In our next episode, Alice explains why evangelism is so important!

*sigh* I really wanted to stay out of this thread, in case you hadn't noticed. I'm not getting anywhere and neither is anyone else.

I never said that loving a person is less important than being able to go inside a room for a couple of hours, pom. I used...whatever it was I said...as an illustration. I just wanted the people who I felt were labeling me as racist to understand that I don't think I'm any better than any other group of people, and that in fact I found some of them quite attractive (except asians...sorry).

I guess I didn't do a very good job, though. I was trying to explain that even though I like them just fine, I wouldn't get into a situation to begin with that might lead to me falling in love with someone who - chances are - I don't have much in common with. I probably wouldn't go out with someone from another race or religion in the first place, much less get a room with them, because relationships start out with that one first date.

I feel like I'm stirring the pot here, and I don't want that. The bottom line is, I chose not to even CHANCE getting involved with someone who would likely have very a different, possibly very incompatible lifestyle from mine. I really don't see what the big deal is, anyway. It's not like we're removing a potential mate for someone from the pool of candidates or anything, since I'm already married.

Look who came out of his den, just to say hi to me.
:fish:

I think most of you are being too critical of Alice for a few reasons:

1.) Alice is from a previous generation. A lot of things have changed in 20 years. Racial, cultural, religious, and gender differences are a lot less important than in previous generations, even blurred.

2.) Most of you would 'draw the line' at dating someone who was an evangelical fundamentalist Christian, or who was a rabid pro-war Bush supporter. (And I'm not talking about flings or short-term sexual relationships ... I mean for long-term with potential of raising a family.) It's not because you're closed-minded or intolerant; it's because you have a clear idea what kind of life you want to have.

I know it's easy and fun giving Alice a hard time, because she does give us a lot of material to work with, but this issue is just lame.

Gee thanks, SS. =/

Alice is hardly from "a different generation." She's rather young, from what I understand. While she's only ONE generation ahead of me (I think), she has been around for mostly the same shit. She probably graduatedhigh school sometime in the 80s? Maybe 90's? Theres not a HUGE relationship gap between then and now. Don't act like she's 60, SS.

I think she's just a part of the South. ^_^ (Just laugh at that Alice. *SMILE*)

It really depends on each individual.

The REASONS she listed aren't the same as everyone else has. Man, if she wants to stay within her own pool of suitors which is pretty much limited to whatever she WANTS - thats her call. Apparently she thinks, its like, impossible to have a relationship work out with a Jew because of trivial, petty bullshit. Which, you know, NEVER makes sense to me personally.

And I am sure you can understand why a lot of us are in the same boat. We think it's pretty stupid, I guess. But again, she's got her own guidelines - and she's got that right dude. I know I just DONT GET IT.

Maybe you're lame. =p

Just try to understand WHY people are all over her for it. Its a matter of difference in opinion and priority. Don't act like we're the bad guys here - NONE of us are. INCLUDING Alice.

The first thing I thought of when reading this was "West Virginia, Virginia, or one of the Carolinas." Boy was I correct. You guys are fucked up down there.

Oddly enough, we say the same thing about people from California.

Fair enough. :p

But I go to college here in VA (unfortunately), and everyone here talks about how they would love to move to California. Maybe that's just VA though. And how did you know I was from CA? I don't have a profile. Post history?

Alice, I'm still curious what you do about mixed breeds. Like, fine, I can pretend I get you not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone outside of your race and religion, but what do you do for people that are, say, half white and half hispanic?

I haven't actually put that much thought into it, to tell you the truth. I'm just going to be completely honest and admit that I probably wouldn't go out with them in the first place, just to be on the safe side.

Side Note: I find it interesting that people can use derrogatory terms like "mixed breeds" and that's hunky-dory, but it's not OK that not everyone wants to date outside their race. Hmmm...

To Spike: Yeah, it was your post history.

How is mixed breeds derogatory? I could understand if he said "half white half nigger", but how can you describe someone of mixed genealogy without saying something that essentially means mixed? And don't try to tell me melado isn't any less derogatory, heh.

I don’t think people’s problem with you in this thread is your personal choices and how you chose to live your life, it’s more so your attitude – or at least, original attitude.

You went about the situation as though cultural barriers (which were identified by you as their race) are - in all absolute fact - a troublesome, unavoidable dilemma. Even when you attempted to escape tunnel vision and identify with other people by saying things like:

You’re still implying that these barriers are troublesome unavoidable dilemmas, and if people want to deal with it, than that’s okay with you.

What you either don’t understand, or aren’t really expressing very well, is that to plenty of people, the same thing you perceive as a barrier isn’t a barrier at all. That’s probably why people are arguing with you.

I'm half Jew and half Christian (which, oddly enough, makes neither) and I don't really see what would be deragatory about a mixed breed. I mean, it doesn't seem any worse than something like 'hybrid' which makes it sound like non-mixeds are inferior to mixeds.

Alice, how about someone who had one or two grandparents that were of a different race? Or, let's say you're going out with someone that you think is completely white, but upon meeting their parents you find out one of them isn't 'white' (a term I think is already hard enough to define)? Would you break up with them after finding out?

Well, obviously everyone would draw the line somewhere, that's the whole point of the thread. Alice is getting the abuse she's getting not because she's drawn a line, but because the line basically only extends as far as she can reach without having to get up. Saying "Oh, you guys wouldn't date transsexual Branch Davidian trapeze artists, so you're all hypocrites!" kind of misses the point. Our "exclude" lists are collectively about as small as Alice's "include" list, which is why it's all so alarming to us.

She's entitled to her own preferences, obviously, but she knows by now what kind of shit will be flung at her for it and she goes and defends it anyway. It's all a bit masochistic. But she's from the past, and maybe banging your head against the wall was popular then! Along with sock-hops and doing the twist!

I just call them mudbloods.

She limited herself to White Christians.

She lives in the South. That's likely the majority demographic there, so it isn't quite as tight a limit as you claim.

[ My example was a much broader group than "transexual Branch Davidian Trapeze artists". Maybe as much as 25% of the country. ]

We should encourage people to stay within their own religions, ethnic backgrounds, and cultures though! ABSOLUTELY.

It is a great practice! Everyone should try to follow those guidelines!

Hey Alice. What would you do if one of your kids brought home a Muslim.

(This is actually a HUGE topic in my house - I am not asking you to make fun of you. I want to see what you think of the topic.)

See, this is where the distinction lies. I would have NO PROBLEM if my kids brought home a Muslim, a Jew, a black person, a Cherokee Indian...whatever. It may come as a huge shock to you, but I don't judge people by their race or religion, I simply chose in my own personal life to marry someone within my own ethnic and religious group.

I am in no way "advising" anyone to stay within their racial group, Sass. I'm just saying that for me personally, that's where my comfort level is. Having been married for many years, I realize that the fewer things you disagree on, especially with the "biggies" like religious practices, the more likely two people are to have a harmonious relationship.

If my children are comfortable sharing their lives with someone who has different religious beliefs, celebrates different holidays, has different values, etc., that's great and I have no problem with it. I just chose to avoid those kinds of conflicts in my marriage by sticking with people who I knew shared my beliefs.

And as I said before, I have zero problem befriending people with different religious and cultural beliefs...I just happened to have made a conscious decision not to marry someone like that.

I still don't see how this is a bad thing. =/

If you can get along with people of differing beliefs just fine as friends, why not as a partner too? I realise there's more involved, and you can always stop being friends with someone as you don't have kids with them etc, but friends can still grow to be pretty damn close.

I think what we consider to be bad is that you assumed when you were younger that such conflicts were very likely to arise and so indirectly are judging that these people are somehow not fit to get married to someone like you. As I have said to you in the past, people can and do adapt and aren't all fanatically pro their own culture/religion. The assumption that conflicts will definitely arise is basically erroneous.

Being friends with someone and sharing every aspect of your life with them are two different things, Ulysses. And I never said they were unfit to be married to someone like me. That's exactly what I DON'T want people to think, which is why I'm still hanging around defending myself.

Look, here's a comparison. Doctors recommend that people over the age of 40 not have children because of the risk of Down's Syndrome. Now, people over the age of 40 have perfectly normal children all the time, but that doesn't mean there isn't a more significant risk. I would personally choose not to have a child at my age because of that risk. I look at this issue the same way. Of course, not every black man sells drugs and owns a car that cost twice as much as his house and not every Jewish guy steers clear of shrimp and Christmas trees, but the risks are higher. I just chose not to chance it.

To put things in perspective, it's highly unlikely you'd encounter anyone fresh off the boat, I'd bet. Any darkies you'll come across have the same "culture" as you do, unless you define culture by musical tastes.

Double Post:
also lol you married your cousin

Regardless of the fact that it's accepted, my line draws at relatives... no matter how close or how far, if they're showing up at a family reunion, no thank you.

I can understand what Alice is saying when it comes to sharing the same background. It probably is easier and just "safer" as she puts it to marry within your same culture/group/religion/hair colour because you don't have to deal with differences. If that floats your boat, then go for it. I don't even fit in with my "culture" whatever that may be, and I hate stereotypes and hardly fall under any. Some people think that's odd, but I don't want to be just like everyone else. So saying I will only marry someone of the same race might not even be easier, especially since I don't really do some of the cultural things.

I just want someone that accepts me for who I am, and they can be from wherever, and as long as they don't constantly butt heads with me in regards to race, religion, and any other topic that irritates me, then I'm cool with it.

Wait, what?

I think she is meaning, statistically-speaking...right?

I think I'm more confused with what she's chancing with a black guy. She still has yet to comprehend the fact that there very well may be no cultural differences between her and that black guy. Jew, I can sorta understand, but saying you wouldn't date someone of another race because of "cultural differences" is just blatant stereotyping.

Yeah, I know what you're saying. I can see it now: "Grounds cited for divorce: 'Husband won't eat shrimp'."

Wait. Whats wrong with not having a tree and refusing to eat shrimp?

I personally think you would LOVE the Jewish culture thing.

But you never know until you try~

Ulysses, I lolled.

She also forgets that not all religions have evangelists. I highly doubt you'll ever find some Jew out on the streets trying to convert you. Hell, I doubt your husband would even try to convert you if he was Jewish.

Rabbis are cooler than evangelists, though. No getting around that.

The whole intention of this thread was about personal preference, and where one draws the line for THEIR choice of partner.

Alice's choices are totally fine.
She's married and has kids, what more could you ask for anyway?
If she DID have a problem with people of different religions and ethnicities for no apparent reason, THEN there'd be some questioning her further. But then that would be a different thread altogether. And she doesn't have a problem with those people - ONLY when it came to who she would marry, because it was her personal preference.

I think we all will be suprised what kind of person we end up marrying (or going out with).

We spend our youth talking about how this kind of girl or guy is what you want as a partner - you know, all those things like 'great tits, great ass, freak in the bed, washboard abs, makes me laugh, sophisticated, hunk...' and all those other personal preferences (some even go for a particular ethnicity, like Team Yellow for example) - only to be slapped in the face with the LAST person you even expected to end up with.

Hell, some of you may end up with YOUR cousins XDXD
You may end up happier, maybe not.
LOL XD
I jest, I jest!

MY LINE...
I don't think I would date any of my cousins, but if I were in love with like a step-cousin I would maybe do that. The thought of what people would say would most likely keep me from even doing that. I would probably feel like I were kissing my brother.

I would date a teacher that I had in the past, but not an old one. Dating anyone superior to me would be fine...and in some cases it could even be a turn on.

I would never date anyone more than 5 years older to me. My grandfathers wife (my step-grandmother) is the same age as my mom and that just sickens me. I would never do that.

I am happily dating a former co-worker now. I think when we did work together that we knew we were attracted to one another, but co-workers were not allowed to date so neither of us made a move. After I quit he asked me out on a date. ^_^

Dude!:mad: