D&D Arena: Brutal Bastards, Beegraks and von Brandt
 

Come one, come all, to a new installment of Mortal Combat Arena! If you are here for the first time, I guarantee you're in for a real treat!

Yes, friends. Tonight, you shall see the unbridled ferocity of battle as you have never seen before. Mercenaries, adventurers, indentured slaves... all are welcome to stand equal in the ring, to battle it out for gold, glory, girls, and perhaps their own freedom!

And before you ask, pay no attention to the rubble you see at the middle of the ring. Just a minor accident from last night, courtesy of an overenthusiastic sorceror (who, incidentally, will be returning tonight for an encore). You'll find that our seats here are elevated enough to see past the obstacle.

Of course, our gladiators will have to be more careful in aiming through the rocks, or stepping into the pile. But that's all part of the entertainment, folks!

One more thing, before we introduce the cast for tonight's show. All combatants are to remain within the ring at all times. If both their feet are outside of it, you have my blessing to express your displeasure in any way you want. Rotten fruit is available from our concessionaires for two copper pieces. A few of those ought to catch our errant gladiator's attention, no?

Now, without further ado, let me introduce our first team!

A tomb raider by trade, this half-elf sorceror's robbed one too many graves, and is now here serving the rest of his sentence.... the scoundrel Cyrus voooooooooon Braaaaaaaaaaaandt!!!

His new partner tonight (after yesterday's unfortunate incident with the rubble) is a new face. A self-professed evil paladin, bane of do-gooders everywhere, and the meanest dragonborn you can ever find.... the savage Smothaaaaaaaas Beeeeeeeegraaaaaaks!!!

Gentlemen, before we start, why don't you introduce yourself to our audience today?

Terrain considerations:
Rubble is difficult terrain and provides cover.
Stepping outside the ring will make the audience pelt the offender, making it grant combat advantage.

It was the promise of female consorts, as well as the promise of a chance to slay without consequence and then be set free, which had brought the notorious Smothas Beegraks to the arena. His tale was a tall one, and it would only become moreso after the events that would transpire here.

Abandoned as a child, the dragonborn Smothas Beegraks was picked up by a patrol of lizardmen, face down in the mud, in a small swamp where they lived and held worship to their serpently god Zehir. Though he himself had no recollection of this, he had been left there by his parents, both Paladins who worshipped Pelor. Their order considered the child to be an abomination, for his exhalations had caused many whom he came in contact with to fall gravely ill. His charcoal scales were also of great concern, and the decision was made that the child was not meant to be in this world. Unable to go through with the act of slaying their own youngling, Smothas' parents decided to let the creatures who roamed the swamp deal the blow.

This would not be, and soon the young dragonborn would come to be worshipped and feared by the lizardfolk as a direct creation of, and heir to their god of shadows. A former shrine was converted into a living space for the young wyrmling, and freshly slain creatures were brought to him on a regular basis as nourishment. Once a month, a young female from the tribe would be brought to his quarters as a sacrifice, but beyond this Smothas had no contact with his benefactors, as they feared that their god would punish them for trying to petition him directly. The young lizardlings who where left at the shrine would never return, as the dragonborn took great pleasure in the most lewd of sexual acts, in the course of which he would eventually devour the reproductive organs of the unlucky ones who where gifted upon him. However, the young dragonborn was free to come and go as he pleased, and he would be quite steadfast in the defense of his domain, should any unwelcome visitors try to disturb his worshippers.

After living in this secluded manner for the first two decades of his life, our now mature and fearsome dragonborn came to be displeased with the ones who had sheltered him. One day, when his expected sacrifice failed to show up, he found his satisfaction by slaying the entire tribe and feasting upon the female members. As the carnage came to an end, he set off to explore the world in hopes of finding more of these creatures to prey upon.

His surprise and discontent were not negligible when he realized that he had just thrown away a lifetime's worth of prime lizard tail, and that his kin (which he thought the lizards to be until then) were not as common as he had hoped. After destroying half a dozen small villages, he came to a larger city and decided to observe the passers-by outside the gate, preying on the occasional traveler to satisfy his urge to kill. Female dragonborn, though rather uncommon, where his favored prey. Their breasts in particular sent him into a wild frenzy. Here he learned to understand the languages of men and of his kin by observing the interactions of those he stalked.

Unbeknownst to Smothas, the city guard began paying some of the city folk to investigate the disappearances which had been reported. One of them spotted the dragonborn sleeping in the marsh outside of town one day and decided to watch him from afar. Witnessing one of the kidnappings, he quickly went to the guard captain and informed him of what had transpired. The next night, an ambush was laid, and as a female dragonborn, who was a member of the guard, passed by the hiding spot as bait, the informant (who was decidedly a bit slow in the head) hollered to the guard captain as he watched the young female get fondled by the criminal dragonborn "That thar's the guy offissah! The one who smothas beeeg raks, and then keeels hees veeectims!" The guard swiftly came down upon the scene, but the dragonborn eluded their capture.

It so happened that the guard who wrote up the warrant for arrest had not slept in quite a while, and where the name of the criminal should have gone, he entered the reason he was wanted, like so: "Smothas Beegraks". The epithet would come to stick, at the time of his capture, as the dragonborn had so far not needed a name, living as he did in total seclusion. Many months would pass before he was apprehended though, and many more female dragonborn would feel the grasp of his scaly hands upon their chest.

Those who survived to tell the tale would amaze their surroundings when they told of the invigorating feeling that came over them when the "Dragonborn Smotherer Bandit" had gotten a hold of them… A more elderly one even reported having been completely healed of her rheumatism. It was after his capture that the dragonborn was given the choice to fight for glory in the arena, or be slain as he should have been so long ago...

Cyrus looked askance at his unlikely teammate. Dragonborn were rare in the arenas; they generally chose to fight to the death rather than allow themselves to be captured and humiliated like this. Maybe this one had something to prove, or maybe they'd just caught him napping. Maybe he was just dumber than dirt.

But then who was he to talk? He'd just put his hands up and let them drag him off. Could be he was just curious about what things were like on the messy side of the stands. Could be that this was just a pitiful dog-and-pony show that he expected to rip through like a scythe. Or it could be... it just could be: his long-dormant conscience had decided to reassert itself and seek out punishment for his many, many crimes. So many!

But probably not. Cyrus stifled the laughter that was rumbling up out of his guts — for about 2 seconds. Then he realized he had no good reason to stifle it. Matters were well past the stage of manners and good graces.

For a good minute Cyrus whoops it up, practically bent over double and wheezing for breath.

"Whew. All right, showman. You want to know my story? It's a short one. Boy grows up in slum. Boy trades 20 coppers — his life savings! — to a dying old hedge wizard in exchange for a lesson or two. Oh my, yes. Magic. So many books, so many dusty old books. And our hero... well, let's not call the boy a hero. Our protagonist. Maybe he realizes he doesn't need the books. Maybe the handful of lessons is enough to wake something up inside him. Maybe it's something real ugly. Maybe it burns people.

So our boy is a bona-fide sorcerer now, don't you know. Master of the arcane arts! The arcane arts that hurt people, anyway. But that was enough to make a living on. For a while. So the boy does what bona-fide sorcerers do in these modern times; he takes his show on the road. Slap some meathead in chainmail, ask him if he's got any friends that are, say, particularly religious. Hey presto, you're an adventuring party! And an adventuring party you remain, until dear old meathead decides he wants more than his share of the ogre's hoard.

That's "hoard" with an A. As in treasure.

Oh, says meathead. There's not a mark on him but that I put there with my sword, what right have you got to the reward?

And I says, well, Frederic and I were just slightly distracted fighting off this horde of goblins that came out of the side tunnel. Maybe you missed them. The helmet gives you the tunnel vision sometimes, I sympathize.

Horde with an E this time.

So meathead says fair enough, you two can share the goblins' loot, and I'll take the rest. It was about that time I decided to show him what right I had to my share. I'd melted his damned fool face clean off his tiny head before his oh-so-devout friend took it in mind to intervene. Only one of us walked out of that cave alive; let's leave it at that.

Actually, let's not. It was me. I killed them. I have to remember my audience, you lot probably aren't big on subtle insinuation.

People started asking questions in due time, as they always do in small towns. I've been running ever since. 15 years it's been since our little falling-out. Oh, there's been more, of course. Dead men from here to Neverwinter, bodies from hell to breakfast. Bounty hunters mostly, mercenaries of one stripe or another. A few more partnerships gone south here and there. The occasional cold-blooded murder on commission.

Cash or barter, folks. No job too small. Tell your friends.

Last week they finally corner me in the goddamn cemetery. An entire infantry platoon. I was only in that bastard's mausoleum on account of he died without paying me. Snap off his dry old fingers, keep his gaudy rings, call it a bargain. But I got sloppy. Arrogant. Always was arrogant, tell you the truth. Somebody saw me breaking in, and I'll be damned if I wasn't surrounded before I could even pull out my trusty bonesaw.

Reckon I'll be damned anyway.

As it happens, dead skinflint saw fit to spend his money elsewhere. Anti-magic field, 50 yards in every direction around his carcass. It really was a sight. I'd just point at this bastard, like you do, just smirking and waiting for the lightning to fry him where he stands. Nothing comes out but steam. Oh, sure, I could have still fought. One man with a knife against 20 in full chain. I like the odds, don't you?

And that's why I'm here, friends and neighbors. Tomb robbing. So many dead, and not a one that the law can prove it. It's a shame that the guard is so strongly opposed to disturbing those who rest in peace. Now I can never tell you where the bodies are buried. Wouldn't want those quiet old bones being jostled, would you? Especially your dear sister's bones, Marshal. No sir, mum's the word. Here on out I have a new respect for the departed.

Go ahead and bring on whatever you're bringing, showman. I've done more killin' than you've had hot meals, and I'm feeling hungry."

Idly scratching his beard with his free hand, Cyrus' hand goes to his waist. His fingers hover over the hilt of his dagger, and he waits. He turns his head to take a better look at the dragonborn, and sees an all too familiar glaze over the reptilian eyes. Distracted. Impatient. More than a little unhinged.

They'd get along just fine.

Ha ha! That was quite a story. Yes, ha ha.

Ha.

Uh...

Okay. Let's hear it again, boys and girls, for Bigraks and Von Brandt! You'd be hard-pressed to find two more slimy bastards from this plane!

What's that? You'd rather boo them instead? That'll do! Let's hear some boos! Pucker up, lips in the form of your most throaty orgasmic oooh, hands over the mouth. BOOOOO!

Now that that's over with, what unfortunate souls will they be fighting against tonight? On the other corner, the infamous scourge of our fair City of Splendor. Woe betide any traveling caravan ambushed by their ilk. I give you, the infamous Bugbear Bandits!!!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

The assassin's on the move. He's taking out his crossbow, applying some sort of... ointment? He fires at the unarmored target. Oh, that's got to hurt, folks. Wow, I think he's already bleeding out, talk about glass cannons.

Larry here's telling us the assassin applied some scorpion venom onto those bolts. Nasty stuff, but doesn't seem to have affected Von Brandt some!

Double Attack vs. Von Brandt. With crossbow, +12 vs. AC.
Both hit - 28 damage to Von Brandt. Bloodied.
Scorpion Venom: +10 vs. Fortitude. Miss.

Defenses:
Bugbear Assassin: AC 21 Fort 21 Ref 20 Will 18
Bugbear Skinners: AC 21 Fort 18 Ref 20 Will 18

:savepoint: Von Brandt (20), Bugbear Skinners (19), Beegraks (12), Bugbear Assassin (26)

"That what passes for poison among the furry set? Look at this, it's been over 5 seconds and I'm still upright! Let me give you a little advice about... about..."

Having lost his train of thought, Cyrus settles for flinging a fuck-off ball of loud at their heads. It's a fairly convincing argument at these things go.

Move up to P10
Thunder Bomb centered on I-11
17 damage to Assassin (slowed 1 round) :birthday:

As the eldritch sphere of compressed arcane fury barely grazes the assassin and splatters on the back wall, Cyrus is nonplussed. "There you go, buddy. I distracted 'em for you. You can have all the glory on this one, don't let me get in your way."

"The last time I was this completely boned, I was literally being strangled to death by skeletons."

There it is, Von Brandt's Thunder Bomb. Is that Assassin paralyzed, or what?

Assassin slowed 1 round.

Oh look, his friends aren't too happy. They're charging towards him! Are those two... insulting him? One's moving in... ah, a flanking maneuver. Looks like Von Brandt didn't take the mockery too well - he's taking a step back, but the bugbear's ready for him. He's still insulting Von Brandt, but it's just a cover for his sickle attack!

Horrifying Mockery: minor, +10 vs Will; push target 1 and shift 3 if successful.
Mocking Rend: +10 vs anything (I choose Reflex).
6 damage to Von Brandt, plus 5 ongoing (save ends).

The assassin's barking out orders. The other two are holding back for now. Maybe they want to see what Beegraks is capable of! You're up next, big guy.

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x 0), Bugbear Assassin, Von Brandt (+1 x 1), Bugbear Skinners

As soon as Smothas stepped into the arena, he became distracted by all the noise caused by the people cheering. The dragonborn had, after all, spent most of his life in total seclusion. The second he came out of his daze and looked to his right, the figure who had been standing next to him was pelted by what he knew to be poisoned arrows. He could smell it. Unfazed, Smothas was about to lay his hands on the creature's chest, in hopes of finding something to fondle, when the bearded-one shot out a blast that made him turn his head to watch the results. Even more enticed by this display of power, The scaled one continued his motion towards the creature. The beard gave him pause only a slight bit, as he knew that some rare females did have fur on their faces, as the one he had caught on the edge of his domain, who traveled in a caravan with a bunch of other bizarre creatures. Not his favorite, but the humanoid was somewhat frail of constitution, and it seemed a better bet than the furries across the pile of rubble. The result of the gesture was quite unsatisfactory, and as his interest had diminished, his next reflex was for his second favorite thing. Mass slaughter of creatures who think they're tough.

Lay on hands on cyrus

Two of the creatures had already made their way to him, so he saw no reason not to show them the gravity of their mistake. His trusty flail in hand, he proceeded to send it first to his right, and the to his left in one fluid motion.

Arcing smite on Buggers B and C

Realizing that the others present had started the party without him, the dragonborn decided to compensate by immediately throwing out a second attack. Finally recalling the meaning of the term "buddy", Smothas decided to try and inspire his first ever companion in arms to get back into the fight.

Move to P9, if one of the Buggers OA's miss me, use Counterstrike Guards item power to dish it back out If they both miss, priority to bugger B
Spend Action Point
Resurgent smite on bugger B (Cyrus can spend Surge)
22 damage to bugger B

Beegraks is ... is he fondling von Brandt's chest? Cyrus seems to like it too. Whoa.

Von Brandt regains 21 HP. Beegraks spends a healing surge.

And here's the follow-up. He misses both! Now he's on the move. Oh, careless, careless! One of the skinners got him while he's distracted. There's the blowback with the flail - another miss!

6 damage to Beegraks.

Beegraks is angry now. He's never missed so much. He's bringing the flail down on... oh! He's completely crushed the skull. I've never seen so much brutality here, folks! But look at Von Brandt. He's been revitalized by Beegraks' savagery. He even looks good as new!

Minion B dies. Cyrus regains 25 HP.

The Assassin's just watched one of his acolytes die. He's not too happy here. He's hobbling forward now, taking something out of his pocket - a vial of some kind. He's throwing it at Beegraks, but he dodges it easy. Now the ground's sizzling. I wonder what that was?

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x 1), Bugbear Skinners, Beegraks (+1 x 1), Bugbear Assassin

Cyrus deals poorly with the trauma of being groped by the Rare Swamp-Dwelling Bipedal Fondle Lizard. With a groan of disgust, he breaks away from Smothas — and runs directly into a pair of bugbears. Caught off guard, no suitable spell comes to mind. He settles for kicking the sand of the arena floor in their faces. As they flail at their sand-filled eyes he does his best to issue a cocky smirk, but all he manages is a murderous death stare. Not that it matters too much; with all the sand in the air the hairy bastards can't even see him properly.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile/atlas_bugbear.png

Lightning Shift to M11
Searing Sands vs Minion D and Assassin
20 damage to both; Cyrus has concealment for 1 round
Action Point!
If Minion D has survived being sanded, Eyebite him
If not, Eyebite Minion A
Miss either way

:plant: Done!

Von Brandt's steamed at his partner! He's moving away, doesn't seem to see the bugbears... Oh, now he sees them. No spells ready. Kicking sand in their faces? Surprisingly effective. He's dropped another bugbear, folks. You can just make Cyrus out under all that dust. He seems to be laughing maniacally.

5 damage to Von Brandt. Makes saving throw.

The last skinner's moving in. Oh, is Beegraks ever in trouble. They're double-teaming him now. Wow, he takes two hits. What agility, folks. Incredible! But that's got to sting for a while.

21 damage to Beegraks. 5 ongoing damage, save ends.

What's he going to do now?

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x 1), Bugbear Assassin, Von Brandt (+1 x 2), Bugbear Skinners

"Aaachhhh! Furrrballs getting caaacky!"

Smothas exclaims as the buggers try and rend through him mockingly.

This will not do. Let's see what they've really got, he thinks, as he cries out to Zehir for aid.

Channel Divinity: Divine Strength
Valorous smite on bugger A

Missing his target by a mile, Beegraks decides to take a step back and reflect on his sudden inability to hit anything.

Shift to P8

:cmb: done.

The assassin looks confused. There's sand in his eyes. He's glaring at Von Brandt. Can he still see him?

He's dropping the crossbow now, moving into melee. What's that he's applying on that longsword? Another round of Scorpion venom? No, I've been told it's blood from a ghoul. How chilling! Is that even possible? Do ghouls bleed?

Aha! He's circling Von Brandt now, two attacks on the sorcerer. Von Brandt gets hit, and again. Looks like that ghoul blood's not affecting him though!

21 damage to Von Brandt.
Ghoul Blood: +10 vs Fortitude. Miss due to concealment.

Please ignore the name of that object.
:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x 2), Bugbear Skinners, Beegraks (+1 x 2), Bugbear Assassin

Still paying no attention to the savage beating the assassin was doling out, Cyrus sidesteps a bit and whirls around, arcs of lightning crackling from his palms. He cackles madly, twisting his hands into claws as he pours down electric torment upon his foes.

In the sense that his foes are "some sand" and the torment in question is "being scorched a bit".

Shift to N10
Lightning Strike Minion A, arcing to Minion B on a hit
Well, crap

:plant:

Von Brandt's moving now, cackling like a chicken. He's got his eye on the one of the skinners. He calls down a lightning strike... on the sand? Oh well, at least he's made some very smooth glass. Might be worth something on the black market. If he doesn't break his neck slipping off it.

Terrain Considerations. Entering squares where glass is present will cause a creature to slip and fall prone. DC 17 Acrobatics to keep your balance and remain standing and/or keep moving.

Are those... skinners laughing? Seems to have hurt the feelings of poor Cyrus! He's staggering back, probably in shame!

C's Horrifying Mockery is all used up, so no pushin' Beegraks. Please ignore that roll. Also, D is dead. It's all C. Apologies.

What coordination, folks! The skinners are flanking one after the another, as if in a well-practiced dance! Amazing, this is what the Bugbear Bandits are capable of!

...

Maybe they should've stuck to just walking.

Both attacks miss.

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x 2), Bugbear Assassin, Von Brandt (+1 x 3), Bugbear Skinners,

Once again quite impressed at the flash displayed by his compatriot, who decidedly doesn't have a much better track record than him with hitting things, Beegraks decides that it's about time he showed that he too could be all flashy like.

Dragon Breath blast 5 out of the upper right corner of my spot so as to hit everyone else
9 damage to Lead Bugger
5 damage to bugger C
Both now marked by my Divine (Unholy?) Sanction

With a sudden burst of energy, Smothas runs straight up to the frontline and starts trying to apologize to his new best friend for almost spraying him with his rotten breath.

Second Wind, without using Cloak of Walking Wounded (so single surge used)
Move to O10 by way of P9
Ready Martyr's Blessing to use in the event that an attack would incapacitate C to the Von B, wether through pure damage or through ongoing poison left by the attack

:cmb:

Wowzers! That was quite a stink Beegraks let off. There goes another bugbear - they're dropping like flies here. No offense, Nug.

Oh, he's not giving up. He's flanking Von Brandt with his last partner now. He probably won't last much longer though - that stench did a number on him. That's the spirit! He's applying another substance to that sword of his. That doesn't look like scorpion venom or ghoul blood...

Assassin is bloodied.
Mindfire Poison: +10 vs. Will. Target blinded (save ends). Finally, a hit yay.

What's this? I could've sworn the bugbear attacked Von Brandt. Why is blood spurting from Beegraks? Come to think of it, why's the assassin reeling from pain?

6 necrotic damage due to divine sanction. (I am uncertain whether Martyr's Blessing negates this, but since divine sanction specifies "attack" and Martyr's Blessing specifies "hit", I'm thinking 'no.' Deni?)
Martyr's Blessing activates. 36 damage to Beegraks (would have k.o.ed Von Brandt). Bloodied and blinded (save ends).


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x 3), Bugbear Skinners, Beegraks (+1 x 3), Bugbear Assassin

Cyrus' face twists up in confusion. He'd seen the longsword pierce his ribs; when the paladin fell over bleeding instead of himself he was almost too baffled to feel grateful. The dragonborn was wearing the twisted snake symbol of Zehir, a god of poison and murder. What kind of Zehiran willingly fell on a sword to save someone else?

Though he's glad that his own hide was in one piece, he now views his ally with suspicion. There was still good in the paladin. He could sense it. And it made him nauseous.

Cyrus sidles away in the confusion as the assassin checks his sword for any obvious sabotage. It's time for Cyrus to use one of his favorite tricks. First, you sneak up on a guy. Then you yell right in his ear, as loud as you can. You yell so hard that he just falls down and dies.

http://www.saxypunch.com/miscimg/chr...ngham_main.jpg

It's lucky his ally was blinded for the moment, Cyrus' face looks all weird and stretchy when he's doing his Ultra Shout Technique. You have to dislocate your jaw a little to get the right resonant frequency.

Shift to M11
Whirlwind centered on self; use Storm Magic bonus to exclude self as target
Area attack so I'm provoking two OAs, but I think it's a risk worth taking
Success! Minion's hella dead. 15 damage to assassin (since he's bloodied), and he's prone.

:plant:

Von Brandt's on the move again, he looks confused. The bugbears look confused too, but no, they have no time to be. Cyrus' breathing in deep - his whirlwind move! They know what's coming. They're whacking at Von Brandt while they still can! He's bleeding again, but that's not enough to stop him!

6 damage to Von Brandt. Bloodied.

Oh my stars and garters, one bugbear left! And he doesn't look so good.

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x 3), Bugbear Assassin, Von Brandt (+1 x 4)

The dragonborn had no clue what had just happened. One second he was about to go tell his buddy that he wasn't intending to cover him in poisonous goo, and the next he was completely blind to everything around him. Maybe it was when he tried to step in front of one of the furries to get his buddy's attention that something happened. Decidedly, he had been stabbed in the side, this he knew.

Figuring there was nothing better to do than wait for his vision to return, the dragonman from right around Waterdeep decided to reach into his bag and grab one of those worker's hammers he had purchased to toss around should the occasion arise. He then braced for the possibility of another impact like the one he had just suffered.

Get a hammer out of my bag, holding my flail in the other hand
Total Defense

:cmb:

Beegraks is up to something. Taking something from his pack... a hammer? What's he going to do with it?

...

Okay folks, he's just standing there. Doing nothing.

The bugbear's on his last legs. He's getting up - looks wobbly on his feet. Applying that venom again. Ooh, that's got to sting Von Brandt a ltitle!

Divine Sanction expires.
10 damage to Von Brandt. Slowed; 5 ongoing damage (save ends both).

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x 4), Beegraks (+1 x 4), Bugbear Assassin

"Look at this guy", Cyrus rasps to his erstwhile companion. He spits out a mouthful of blood. "Thinks he's so tough."

He staggers backward, away from the Assassin. "Friend, I've forgot more about the applied usage of deadly chemicals then you'll ever learn. And I say this with the full confidence that you'll never learn anything, ever again."

A sphere of viscous, hissing goo materializes in Cyrus' open hand, seemingly oozing out of his very pores. At this short range, it's easy to hurl the acid blob into the Assassin's face; it tears into the bugbear's flesh with the meaty hiss of a pan of fried eggs.

Cyrus just smiles for a moment, before breaking into a hacking cough. This kind of continuous exertion can really take it out of him.

Trigger my Shared Suffering armor's Encounter power; Assassin also takes 5 ongoing damage (save ends)
Turn begins, take 5 damage
Shift to N10
Acid Orb vs Assassin
20 damage to Assassin
Save failed

:plant:

In his blinded haze, Beegraks fell prey to visions of what could be. Suddenly, a better world for all would be possible, if only he could teach everyone to read at a mages' guild level, they would understand that they were letting the monarchy control their lives and...

What the-

http://i392.photobucket.com/albums/p...l_the_best.jpg

Throws hammer in the direction of where he last saw the assasin standing with his Giantkind Gloves while jumping in the air for style points
It's super effective!
15 damage to Assassin


:cmb:

Aaaand that's a wrap folks, Von Brandt's incapaci---- hey hold it right there Beegraks! Oh great, bugbear's down and he still wallops it with a hammer. What am I going to tell the Guard. Let's hope Nug's still alive. Cleric!

-------

Looks like our Dastardly Duo's a keeper, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, here's our conquering her-protagonists! Here's the prize for your victory! I'm not sure what these gauntlets are, but I'm sure you'll find a use for these 72 gold pieces!

While we clean up the mess, let's hear what Cyrus and Smothas have to say about their victory! (Beegraks is gonna love the next fight. It's totally a blast from the past!)

Congratulations, gentlemen! Cyrus, how did you like fighting alongside the Smotherer Bandit? Is it true that being groped by him leads to... good things? And Beegraks. People here are asking, since when does a Zehir worshipper willingly sacrifice themselves for another's sake?

Enforced short rest. 10 minutes.

"Zehirrr looks well upon those with power who aid hisss Chosen. Buggerrrsss try to gang up on Beegrrraaaksss, but wizard help in ssslaughter."

He pauses.

"Announssser man sssoundss tassssssssty!!!"

Retrieves hammer of overkill
Uses 2 Healing Surges so as to get back to full health
Grabs 72 gold while throwing the gauntlets to his buddy
Sniffs around for the announcer man

:cmb:

"Well, I'm not quite willing to credit lord grabby-hands here with anything just yet. I will admit that sometime during the course of the fight my sinuses cleared up, but that might just be the smell around here."

Cyrus looks at the grotesque gauntlets with suspicion. He's hardly about to take off his reliable old gore-soaked chain gloves for the sake of these things, even if they're more rust than iron at this point. Still, he hooks the gauntlets on his belt. They might come in handy sometime. Smiling, he pokes the left gauntlet in the eye. For luck.

Burn 2 surges (48/54)

:plant:

Make that THREE surges.

Damn, expected the automerge to catch that.

Ladies and gentlemen! You're in for a real treat now! For the first time ever, a dragon has decided to grace this arena with his presence! He came willingly along with his champions to exact revenge on the evil creature that slaughtered his kith and kin!

Mr. Dragon, what have you to say to Beegraks before we start?

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.png Prepare yourself for oblivion, foul dragonborn! I have come to punish you for your crimes against the dragonkin!

Well said! Well, I don't know what he just said, but Beegraks seems to understand! Before things get out of hand, let's have our force field in place. Wizard?

With all those poison and ice-breathing dragons around, who knows what else is going to hit the audience? That's more like it, folks. Now it's a little less dangerous for us all!

Moving into the space occupied by the force field inflicts 3 force damage.

Now without further ado, let us start Round 2!

The kobolds are moving... oh! Close call with the glass ol' Von Brandt thundered up! They can't reach him to attack. Looks like they're bracing themselves for attack!

Total Defense.


:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x4), Young Blizzard Dragon, Von Brandt (+1 x4), Dragonkin Champions

Additional Spam:
Defenses:

Dragon: AC 21 Fort 19 Ref 20 Will 18
Dragonkin: AC 22 Fort 19 Ref 18 Will 17

"See, this is why I only pick on people my own size. Or smaller. The important thing here is that whatever you did, you obviously left witnesses alive. Rookie mistake there."

Knowledge check on both enemy types

"GGRRRAAKKKK! What iss thisss? You not even bring any females."

And he's off! Pissed off, that is.

Charging Ardent Strike at Championne C
12 damage to championne C

Beegraks charges the closest kobold and oh! It's already down! That's some grade A groping, folks!

That doesn't seem to sit well with our dragon. He's flying now, heading directly towards Beeg-- wait, he's a she. Oh, I'm really sorry, ma'am. She's roaring now, and... talking to Von Brandt?

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngThis isn't your fight, half-elf. Stay out of this and I'll let you live. Attack us at your own peril.

Did you see that? A cold blast of wind's surrounding her, extending fifteen feet all around. Wow, I wouldn't be caught dead in that arena, no sirree. She's raking Beegraks all over with claws and teeth. Oh man, that's got to hurt!

Bite: +12 vs AC. Immobilized till dragon's next turn ends if hit.
Claw: +12 vs AC. Target slid by 2 squares if hit.

10 cold damage to Beegraks; slid to N8
Aura increases to 3 squares (deals no damage).


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x4), Dragonkin Champions, Beegraks (+1 x5), Young Blizzard Dragonness

"That's an excellent point. I'll just get of your way then, shall I?"

Cyrus sidles along the narrow gap between the force field and the dragon's freezing nimbus.

"Anyway, I don't like Bad Touch over there any more than you do. Look, I'll even help you out. I made you this magic orb, you just throw it at him and — whoops! Butterfingers. Crap, was he expensive? I bet he was."

Cyrus throws up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender.

"Totally meant to kill the dragonborn. Here, I'll make it up to you. Take this, you shameless pervert! Oh. Oooooh."

Cyrus' nose wrinkles as the rich aroma of flash-friend kobold wafts across the arena.

"Well, I'm guessing they were both also perverts. Kobolds have a reputation for perversion, you know. I'm really doing you a favor here, though I emphasize, again, that those were total accidents. Oh my goodness look out, he's sneaking up behind you! How dreadful."

Move to L16 along the diagonal
Thunder Bomb vs Champion D and Dragon
Trade in 3 of my +1s for a +2, apply the +2 to attack roll vs Champion D
22 damage to both; Champion killed, Dragon slowed
Action Point!
Lightning Strike vs Champion A
Even if Dragon is providing cover p. sure that's still a hit
14 damage to Champion A, arc it to Champion B for 6 damage. (Applying Storm Power bonus to the secondary target.)
Should kill them both, resistance be damned.

:plant:

Thunderbomb still misses vs. Minion D. 5+2+12=19<20=18+2 (Total Defense, remember?)
Lightning Strike against Minion A is not possible, because there's no line of effect due to cover. Let's be charitable this once and say you actually meant to sizzle D instead :p

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngShameful and cowardly tactics, little man. Very well, on your head be it.

Von Brandt's got the dragon fuming mad now. I'd be mad too - surrendering like that, pretending to attack Beegraks, and slaughtering two of her champions that quickly!

The last champion's moving in. Circling around and flanking Beegraks with his dragon mistress. Beegraks will be nursing that stab wound for a while!

8 lightning damage to Beegraks.

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x5), Young Blizzard Dragonness, Von Brandt (+1 x2), Dragonkin Champion

"Hey missster wizard man. Leave some for Beegraks! And you, fat drrragon lady, you jussst crying because you got rejected. I should have ended your life the last time we met."

Shifts to M8
Channels Divinity: Divine Strength
Dragon Breath to the South
Action Point!
Arcing smite on remaining enemies
12 damage to both

:cmb:

Beegraks is pouring on the scorn. He's killed the last of her champions now, and is hitting her in the face. He shouldn't have done that...

2 corpses in N7. Difficult terrain.

Chill Rebuke. 11 vs Fort. Slowed on hit.

14 cold damage to Beegraks. Slowed (save ends).
Beegraks ends turn in aura; slid to L9.

She's mad. She's really angry now. Folks, you do not want to piss off a dragon! She's pouring on the cold now, it's extending twenty-five feet from her. Von Brandt is just out of range, but he's sure to feel the chill from there.

She has Beegraks now. She's gonna bite him in the... oh man! Let's just say Smothas has just fallen out of the gene pool!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngLet's see how you like it when someone feasts on your reproductive organs!

8 cold damage; immobilized until end of dragon's next turn. Bloodied.

She's not done yet, not by a long shot. Here comes the claws. I can't watch.

Oh, it bounces off Beegrak's armor. His kidneys are safe for now!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngAnd as for you, little man...

She's ignoring Beegraks for now. He swings at her... but she's too fast. She's barreling towards Cyrus now. Uh oh.

Now that's what I'm talking about! Never, ever pick on someone bigger than you. Words to live by, eh Cyrus?

Action Point. Double Attack against Cyrus (reach 2). 25 cold damage, bloodied. Immobilized until dragon's next turn ends, and slid to M16 (pow! 3 force damage) and then M15.

6 necrotic damage to Dragon (Divine Challenge).


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x2), Beegraks (+1 x6), Young Blizzard Dragonness

"Lady, you got no sense of manners. Now, I tried my best to help you out. Admittedly things went a little haywire but that's not my fault. Now here you are, pushin' me around, backing me into a corner.

Do not back me into a corner, you frigid bitch."

And with that, Cyrus reaches out and digs his thumbs into her eyes until he feels the orbital bones scraping under his gauntlets. They're really big eyeballs, it's an easy shot.

"You see what happens, missy? You see what happens? This is what happens."

19 damage to dragon, and Cyrus is Concealed for a round

:plant:

"Hehehehehehe! Big lady thinks she hurts Beegraks!"

Says he as he sticks his head in his cloak and covers himself with it.

Second Wind using Cloak of Walking wounded, spends two surges to get to full health

"Good thing I had thisss balm for my ballsss. Now, come back here and fight, oh fat one!"

Shield the Virtuous on Cyrus

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngAugh! My eyes! Where are you, you little...

Oh look, Beegraks is as good as new, did his ... just grew back on? Fascinating. The dragon's looking confused, looking around for Von Brandt. It's a downright nasty blizzard down there folks, and Beegraks' jibes about her weight is only fueling that...

Rising Winds: close burst 5 against enemies, +10 vs Fortitude.
9 cold damage to Von Brandt. Slowed and blinded (save ends both).
Zing! 6 necrotic damage to dragon. Meddling shield!
Aura resets to 1.
Freezing Winds: Beegraks slid to L10, Von Brandt slid to N14.

Wow! Did you see that?!! She's just unleashed all that wind around the Arena! Looks like Von Brandt's barely holding on. Beegraks doesn't seem affected at all - he must've felt this before.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngWhat did you just call me, you insufferable aaahhh!...

Von Brandt's opportunity attack hits for 10 damage.

Well, she's forgotten all about Von Brandt, but he hasn't forgotten her yet! Is she just shaking it off? She's launching towards him now, jaws aimed at Beegraks'... oh man.

Critical hit! 2d8+3 = 19 cold damage, immobilized until dragon's next turn ends.

I guess Beegraks is officially an "it" now. Again.


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x2), Beegraks (+1 x6), Young Blizzard Dragonness

Cyrus staggers away from the dragon as best he can, rubbing his eyes and shivering.

"Argh. Hate you. Hate you so much. Hate you the most. One time I cut a man into three hundred tiny pieces. Then, I hired a necromancer — at great personal expense — to reanimate each and every one of those individual bits. Do you have any idea of the expense of three hundred castings of Raise Dead? When you have such a small corpse, ha ha, to work with, often the ritual fails. So you pay the cleric again. And again. Eventually we got them all, three hundred copies of the bastard. In chains. How they hated the sight of one another. Then, dragon, we filled the chamber with a mild acid. Slowly. Perhaps a tenth of an inch every day. The acid of a gelatinous cube is really quite weak, you know. It's the entrapment that makes the cube dangerous. I kept the necromancer on retainer, mind you. Every morning he'd go in there and heal their wounds. His wounds. It took months before the acid outstripped his capacity to keep them alive.

YOU, though. You I dislike."

Flee to L16
Second Wind
Plot an exacting, grisly revenge involving fire ants

:plant:

A bit befuddled by the wizard's ranting, Beegraks finally gets a hold of himself just in time to see the fat dragon lady land next to him.

"Good. Good. Come clossser."

Unyielding Faith
14 damage to big butt
Divine Challenge baby

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngI--I'm bleeding...? Impossible. I can't die here. But... Hey you!

M-me? Ma'am?

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngI don't like this shield dome. Pink's not my type. Take it down at once!

Ma'am. With all due respect, it's for the safety of our--

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngRIGHT NOW!!!!

Y-yes Ma'am. I'll get our security wizards right on it Ma'am. Hey you! You heard what she said! I don't care if it takes time, she wants it down yesterday!

Well folks, I'm not sure what that's all about. It seems Beegraks has drawn blood at last. Question is, what's going to happen to him now?

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngThere you are, little man. Three hundred pieces? Well now, I like the way you think. Let's see now, you accursed scion of Tiamat. Here's piece number ONE!

Looks like Beegraks is keeping his foot. But she's carving a few chunks out of his face!

15 damage to Beegraks. Immobilized no more.

The wind's sure picking up again, isn't it? Let's hope she can control it well enough for our safety.


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x3), Beegraks (+1 x7), Young Blizzard Dragonness

"What are you fools doing taking orders from this cow? If we win do you have to do what we say? I mean, apparently Chilly Willy here is Queen Of The Fairies so I'm just wondering how the succession works. If I do get to become the new queen my first decree is to have you all executed as enemies of the crown. Just sayin', theoretically."

As he's talking, Cyrus forms a massive claw of crackling electricity in the air. It closes around the dragon's throat, electrocuting her and dragging her toward the sorcerer.

"My second decree will be free puppies for everyone, if that helps my case at all."

Move to K17
Shocking Magnetism vs Dragon
25 damage
Pull dragon 3 spaces so it occupies K14-L15

:plant:

Ok whoops, there's a path that goes to where you're dragging the dragon which doesn't require an Acrobatics Check to not slip and slide. Carry on.

Seeing that his buddy had finally found an opening that would allow him to leave this pile of rubble, Beegraks proceeds to put his newly regained mobility to good use.

Move to K13
Renew Divine Challenge
Resurgent Smite
26 damage to Big Mama
Cyrus can regain 21 HP if he wants to spend a surge


:cmb:

Man, oh man! They're pouring it on. Is she gonna make it? She's flying away! Terribly bloodied by Beegraks' parting shot, but still alive!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/blizzard-dragon.pngI-I shall return!

Looks like our intrepid duo survives this round! We'll have to clear the arena of corpses. Here's some cookies for you two while you wait for our cleaning crew to finish!

Zap it, boys!

3 free heals equal to your surge value, distributed as you please.

Well, it looks like our dragon coughed up a little something in her rush to escape. You can have this pair of partially-digested soggy boots . Well, I wouldn't want it, but there's no accounting for taste, right?

Oh, and the prize for winning this tier is... 344 GP! Congratulations!

I won't be tracking gold individually. Right now the party has 810 GP, including the spoils here.
Enforced short rest. Do whatever, move wherever.

"Well, that was strange. Could have sworn she looked really dead for a second there. Like, completely and totally dead. I was going to messily devour her heart in front of all these people, too. And what's worse, I don't get to be the new Dragon Queen. What shitty luck, eh paladin? I mean, didn't she look really dead there for a second? Shit, maybe she's a dracolich now. That would be interesting.

Anyway, you can have these puke boots if you want, seeing as you were generous enough to give me these fucked-up gloves. I can't imagine they'll be flooding the arena with hot grease anyway, unless things get really out of hand."

Cyrus munches idly on a cookie as he waits for the next opponent to arrive. Probably a domesticated tarrasque or something; they sure weren't pulling any punches today.

"Is there any way I can persuade you guys to turn the field back on just as the next opponents are entering the ring? Because that would be hilarious.

Heh, heh. BONK!"

Spend a surge from Beegraks' Resurgent Smite and eat 1 cookie, healing up to full
Return to my corner at R10

:plant:

Eat two cookies
Grab boots of soggy and put them on

As Beegraks was devouring the two cookies his wizard companion had left for him, he noticed the boots lying on the ground and decided to try them on. The SPLOOTSH sound they made when he put them on brought him right back home to his dank swamp, and he loved it.

When he finally reacted to the fat dragon lady getting up to leave, he got out his grappling hook as fast as he could, and swung it through the air in her direction. It was too late, however, as she had once again escaped his judgment.

"Grrrakkkk!!! Nexxxt time we meet, you will tassste death! I sswear thiss to you on the wizzzard'ss head!!!"

Moves to P9 to get closer to his buddy

Beegraks is now immune to slippery glass in the Arena.

Folks, you're in for a real treat, a real treat. The next round is---

What the hell? Who let those Holy Worms out?!! Shield dome, now!

...

Well, uh. Ladies and gentlemen. That's why magic can't be rushed. Worst aim ever (please pardon the vomit-colored shield dome). Not to worry, you're safe from the worms.

All right, all right. Force fields and shield domes are different. Shut up.

Well, Beegraks and Von Brandt? Looks like you've just been drafted as our exterminators. Try to finish them off quickly, eh?

The right worm's slithering towards Beegraks... Oh, it slipped on the glass left by Von Brandt's lightning strikes! Is it still going to attack Beegraks while upside down?

Wow! Did you see it move? I didn't. That was some shift, folks! It's biting Beegraks all over. Oh, the other worm's here too - flanking Beegraks, but he's far too quick!

Rake - +12 vs AC, shift 2 before or after attack.

8 radiant damage to Beegraks. Ongoing 5 radiant damage (save ends).

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x8), Von Brandt (+1 x4), Holy Worms

Defenses: AC 21 Fort 18 Ref 20 Will 19.

Somewhat surprised by the two giant tubes that just came out into the arena, Smothas takes a step back out of pure survival instinct.

Shift to Q9

Getting a hold of himself, the dragonborn brings the aggression down upon the worms in a timely fashion.

Dragon Breath to the North!
Virtuous Strike on B
Dunno what hit or not
12 damage to worm B


Decidedly, the worms were expecting the stinky breath. So sad.

:cmb:

"What in the name of Lolth's smelly thorax is a Holy Worm? The last time I heard the word "holy" applied to a big squirmy tube, I was... well, suffice to say I was a younger man, and I was gentleman enough to warn those lovely ladies before I burned the inn to the ground. Of course, they still didn't make it out in time — they could barely walk, you know."

Cyrus flashes the audience his best smirk.

"Still, if I absolutely must deal with such impressive worms, I guess it's only responsible to blow them."

Cyrus darts forward, moving past the worms before they can react, and spins on his heel, gesturing as a vortex of wind and sand rises out of the arena floor. His ally stands baffled in the eye of the storm, untouched as the winds smash the enemy worms to the ground.

Lightning Shift to L16
Whirlwind centered on Q9; exempt Smothas
11 damage to both Worms; both knocked prone

"I could have done a better job blowing them, I guess. I should remember to include the balls."

Aw hell, why not. ACTION POINT GO
Thunder Bomb centered on O9
16 damage to both Worms; both slowed for a round
This post is bad and I should feel bad

:plant:

Oh, so you haven't heard of Holy Worms? Well, it's because they don't exist. For real!

I mean, we had to capture a few bone worms, subject them to a few 'experiments'. A Raise Dead or so. Completely against their necrotic undead nature, but they manage. The upside is they're now completely immune to thunder and lightning, while losing their previous immunity to poison.

What can I say? Management wants a holy worm, management gets a holy worm.

I wouldn't hit 'em with any necrotic attacks though. Who knows what's going to happen should they revert to form?

Beegraks takes 5 radiant damage.
Worm B took 22 necrotic damage from Beegraks.

Uh... what did I just say? Some people just don't listen, sheesh. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Von Brandt's up next. He's knocking them all down! Not just that, he's tossing something nasty at...

Whirlwind inflicts 11 damage to both; knocked prone.
Thunder Bomb does no damage, but slows both worms.

Oh, looks like the thunder immunity's holding. They're getting back on their feet, counterattacking poor Smothas!

14 radiant damage to Beegraks.

Is it my imagination, or are these things a little bigger?

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x9), Von Brandt (+1 x5), Holy Worms

After hearing his partner in crimes story about the women in the inn, Zehir's champion is starting to understand why they had been put in this arena together. He thought for a second that he might have competition in the female companionship department if he didn't show his obviously superior physique off, and so he went ahead and ignored the warnings that unholy attacks might not be best in the current battle. Spinning his trusty flail once more for good luck, he slams it into the worms one after the other.

Arcing smite on both tubs

Well, at least in his head he slammed it into them. In reality, he was once again starting up a streak of "what will I miss now". So, so sad.

Action point!
Virtuous strike on tub B
24 damage (?)
Saved against ongoing damage
Shift to P10
Divine challenge against tub A

Well, it seemed the streak might not be a long one, as it had been at the very least broken temporarily.

Suddenly, Beegraks imagined himself standing next to a giant wheel, not unlike the one that he had once torn of a wagon to beat down its driver with, and it had all kinds of sparkling goodies represented on it. A little voice in his head kept telling him to spin it, so he did.

:cmb:

The worms are immune to Cyrus' shocking repertoire of electricity-based spells. But maybe he didn't need the electricity. Maybe... maybe if he really put in the mental exertion, he could tear them apart with the POWER OF HIS VERY MIND. Staring at the worms, he concentrates with all his might, willing their hearts to stop.

Use 2 minors to remove Gauntlets of Blood and don Coercive Gauntlets
Spend my last surge to toggle the Coercive Gauntlet power on
Lightning Strike Worm A
Fffffffffff

Cyrus winces, rubbing his temples. That didn't work at all. He definitely needed the lightning. He also needed a drink.

:plant:

What's Von Brandt doing, Larry? He's just standing there, changing his bracelets.

Oh. Oh! Ah, okay.

Folks, we think Von Brandt is now trying to mind control the Holy Worms. It doesn't seem to work though. Perhaps he should stick to sorcery. Or wizardry. Sorcerers and wizards, two sides of the same coin. Same difference.

You know, I swear that worm to the north of Beegraks grew a little bit. If this keeps up, it'll be big enough to... Nah, not a good idea. You can't domesticate those mindless things. They'd sooner eat you than obey you. Case in point, look what's happening to Beegraks!

5 radiant damage to Beegraks at beginning of his turn (ended by save).
33 radiant damage to Beegraks, bloodied..
5 ongoing radiant damage (save ends).

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x1), Von Brandt (+1 x6), Holy Worms

Beegraks, reeling in pain from the Tubes intense shedding of light, suddenly transforms into a marble statue of a holy man. Slipping away from the worms, he takes the time to renew his challenge on the smaller of the two tubs before this happens, and wacks him with his flail as a parting gift. For good measure, of course.

Divine Challenge on Tub A
Bishop's move, free attack vs. tub A
7 damage :(
Shift to K14
Second Wind with cloak of walking bloody as all hell
Ongoing damage ended

As he turns back to his former handsome self, the dragonborn, somewhat unbalanced by what had just happened, takes time to reflect upon his experience by hiding from the light in his cape for a while.

:cmb:

"Th' hell? Two sides of the same coin, my ass. Here's what a wizard does."

Cyrus adopts a mocking falsetto.

"'Lo, I have made the ground somewhat slippery. Now our enemies will find it marginally more difficult to approach us! Further, I have conjured this skeleton to carry my baggage. Prithee hast any of thee seen my spell-booke."

He coughs, his voice returning to its ordinary tone.

"Here's what a sorcerer does."

And with that, a sizzling green dart flies from Von Brandt's outstretched palm, penetrating the nearest worm and sending it flying backward past Beegraks. With a snap like dry twigs underfoot, something bursts underneath the surface of the worm's hide. Little rivulets of blood and acid trickle out of fresh wounds.

Acidic Implantation vs Worm B
7 damage. Slide Worm B to R11
Secondary attack: burst 1 centered to R11
Trigger Good Timing on the miss vs Worm A
Still miss. Cyrus takes 5 damage
Overall Worm B takes 10 damage. At least Beegs is unflanked.
Switch my gloves back, since I got no more surges to spend anyway.

:plant:

Oh, so that's what sorcerers do. Fascinating. Your new partner thinks you're a wizard though.

Wow, what was that? Whatever it was, you did a number on that worm. It's... flinching? No, it's changing colors? Did you just break the conditioning on that worm? It's coming out of your winnings, Von Brandt.

Worm B looks confused. Bloodied.

Beegraks is... he's following in Von Brandt's footsteps! Oh, he's going to take a nasty spill on that... what? So that's what the boots do! I wonder why Von Brandt didn't just glass up the whole arena -- never mind. It's just as well.

The other worm's attacking Beegraks. It doesn't seem to notice its partner is missing from the fracas!

12 damage to Beegraks. 5 radiant ongoing again.

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x2), Von Brandt (+1 x7), Holy Worm

Emerging from his cloak to find that the light was just as bright as before, Beegraks decides it is time to invoke the god of shadows to rid this world of these pesky oversized orifices once and for all.

"Don't make me doubt my manhood!" He shouts as he steps into flanking position of the final light tube.

Shift to L14
Divine Strength
Valorous Smite on Tube
31 damage (?)
Smiles like an idiot at finally hitting something half for shit

:cmb:

Cyrus spots his last target undergoing a strange metamorphosis over in the corner of the ring. He feels sad. And tired. And confused. He's not spent this much time wrestling with swollen worms since his brief and unpleasant enrollment at the Arcane University.

"Listen, worm. I don't like you, and you don't like me. But that's no reason for us to have to squabble like this. Look, I'm just going to back away, and hahahahahaha you completely fell for it."

Shift to K17
Acid Orb the nearest worm
14 damage to it, unless it's the bloodied one, in which case 16 damage.

:plant:

5 ongoing damage to Beegraks; bloodied.

Pow! Wham! Look at that! They're whittling the worm down, just like that. Oooh, bright lights. That worm's just exploded... Oh man, all those experimentation down the drain.

Ongoing radiant damage ends.

Looks like they've calmed down. What's the other worm doing? Aaaah! It's attacking the barrier!

5 force damage to B.

What are you waiting for? Finish them! They're useless to us now! And don't think we'll give them to you as pets or anything! We have a strict no pet policy in this arena!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/bone-worm.png kekekekeke

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x3), Von Brandt (+1 x7), Bone Worms

As the second worm metamorphosizes back into his boney form, Beegraks breathes a sigh of relief from the extinguishing of the light. No time to stop now though, as these things still seem to be ready to devour him and his partner. Well, at least one of them does. The other seems to be enjoying a bout of masochism with the energy barrier. Somewhat aroused, the dragonborn decides to make its companion join in the fun.

Divine Challenge on whichever worm it is I'm close to
Basic melee attack on same worm
15 damage

BLAM! What a charitable action from our dragonborn. He takes a step back to admire his work.

Shift to J15

:cmb:

"I don't want to tell you folks how to run things — well, actually, I do. Here's my suggestion, I hope you find it constructive: enemies that would rather try to kill us than themselves. This is how mad science works, people: you can create an abomination, but it's always going to figure out that it's Not Meant To Be and then, well. At least this one's going out the violent way, instead of just sulking in its pen and refusing to eat."

Lightning Strike Worm A, arc to Worm B
Apply Storm Power damage to second worm
14 damage to A, 6 to B (assuming the resistance IS moot now)

:plant:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/bone-worm-enemy.png Xdsss....grrrr!

Oh, oh! I don't think the worm liked it! But it had to be done. Good work, boys. Hope that didn't hurt too much.

Don't worry, I'll make it up to you. If you survive.

Now, get to work on that other worm. Make sure it sees you attacking it, so it can stop hitting our poor force field!

Basic Melee: 15 damage to A.
Lightning Strike: 7+7+2=16 damage to A. 3 damage to B.
Beegraks takes 8-5=3 necrotic damage. Subject to 5-5=0 ongoing necrotic damage. Save ends :tpg:
Bone Worm A takes 6-10=0 necrotic damage from Divine Challenge.
Bone Worm B takes 5 force damage.

:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x4), Von Brandt (+1 x7), Bone Worms

Well now. This is more like it. Trying to bring down a chosen of the god of shadows with attacks filled with dark energy? These worms truly are out of what little minds they do have.

Shift to K14
Basic Melee Attack Vs Worm A

Oh. Beegraks is back to his old tricks it seems. No reason to not keep taunting the things though.

Renew Divine Challenge

:cmb:

Cyrus looked at the worm. And the worm looked at Cyrus. And then they both realized that the worm had no eyes, so it was real awkward. Cyrus decided to punch the worm in the face. To ease the tension.

And by punch I mean stab.

11 stabbin' damage
Whew these enemies sure continue to not die
Despite not really presenting a threat to us
Yup

Looks like the all-mighty sorcerer's plumb tapped out. Ahahahaha, he's stabbing the worm. Well now, he's a darn good stabber by the looks of it. That worm's about to collapse.

Well, looks like our shield's holding up to the worm's attack. No need to bother with it if you don't want the reward. Man, we ought to get better worms next time.

12-5=7 necrotic damage to Beegraks. Taking 5-5=0 ongoing necrotic damage (save ends).
Worm B takes 5 force damage.


:savepoint: Beegraks (+1 x5), Von Brandt (+1 x7), Bone Worms

And here he goes again folks. Still trying to hit the worm with that flail of his.

Basic Melee attack vs. worm

Who would have guessed it. The dragonborn misses again. Seems like the only way he'll get to see this worms end is to keep egging it on while the magic man does his best to dispatch it.

Renew Divine Challenge on worm
Cry a little bit on the inside

Cyrus tottered away from the worm. He was exhausted. Little sprays of lightning were dripping off the ends of his fingers and bouncing everywhere. It was really kind of gross. Magic incontinence effects 30% of sorcerers over the age of 35. Talk to your chirurgeon. He can help.

Shift to J18
Lightning Strike A, arc to B
Apply Storm Power damage to second worm
10 damage to A, 6 to B

Pang, how are you computing for 6 damage to B? I'm calculating 5: 3 from Storm Power, 2 from Gauntlets of Blood. Well, tiny difference of 1, but :tpg:

Boy, Beegraks looks tired. Another thunder strike, and another area glassed over! The worm's finally dying! One to go!

Looks like they're both tired. Well, alright gentlemen, you can go ahead and rest now. Here's a cookie for each of you. You can eat them now as a minor action or save them for later.

You've both been very helpful, so here's your reward while our wizards deal with that worm. We have an experimental hazard here which I like to call "rocks fall, someone dies." Come closer, we don't want the audience to tip off your enemies!

We basically levitate this huge ass boulder like so. Yeah, see it hovering over your head? Now, all you got to do is to mark where you want it to fall on. And in six seconds, whichever unlucky soul it falls on is squashed flatter than a warforged's chest. For safety reasons, it will only fall within the arena. Obviously we won't use this too often - bad for business. But handy for the occasional uncontrollable beast, like that so-called Tarrasque R&D's been magicking up.

I completely understand if you don't want to deal with such a dangerous death trap. You may instead take this set of eight nearly-expired fire blastpatch bombs. Usable on your next battle - it'll lose its potency by tomorrow.

Choose between:
And oh yes, your reward for making it this far. Something you put on your hips , and oh! 616 gold pieces. Isn't this great?

Again, enforced short rest. Last battle for today coming up after your posts.

"I'm inclined toward the explosives, but the lizard wants a giant rock and I'm disinclined for an argument right now. Let's... Rock."

Cyrus puts on his smoked-glass spectacles.

"As for that belt, Beegraks, it's yours; if you ever see me sacrificing anything, kill me right then and there because I've been replaced by a doppelganger."

Cyrus tucks the cookie into his belt for safety. It's a sturdy cookie.

3 damage from my Dex mod (from Lightning Strike itself), 3 from Storm Power (which just adds the Dex mod again). I completely forgot about my gauntlet damage waaaaaugh

"Ah! Thank you magic man! Mr. Vvvvvon Brrrrandt."

Says the dragonborn as he fits the belt onto his hips of swinging doom snuggly.

Beegraks then proceeds to scarf down his cookie and rest up a bit, what with the blood spurting out of him every which way and everything.

Put on belt
Mmmm Cookie
use one Healing Surge on top of the cookie

:cmb:

Cyrus realizes belatedly that he had just sacrificed ownership of the belt. He stares at his hands in silent horror. They'd already gotten to him! BUT HOW? Something in the cookies. Drugged. They must be keeping the real Cyrus in a cage somewhere, forcing him to teach his arcane secrets to a succession of duplicates. Copying his powers! His memories! His precious, precious paranoia!

No wonder these battles were so exhausting. He was only an inferior copy. There would be plenty of time later to rescue himself. He'd have to be killed along with all the other duplicates in the end, of course. It's a good thing he was tainted with the disgusting flaw of self-sacrifice, or he'd balk at that.

For now, of course, he could give no sign. If they knew that he suspected, they'd kill him on the spot and he'd be replaced with a less wily duplicate. He would have to bide his time.

All right then, let me teach you the sequence!

You put your right foot in, you put your left foot out;
You put your backside in, And shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey, and you turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about!

Get that? Good. The first one to do this, will trigger the sequence.

Your final fight is a another blast from the past. Don't look so worried, Beegraks. It's not you they're after this time. Seems like once they caught wind that their former "partner" is now fighting in Waterdeep, they begged us to let them join in the fray!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngCyrus, it's long past time for you to die. I have nothing else to say to you. You! Spread out, don't let him get to you with his blasts! Flank him, and cut him into pieces. Him and that pet dragon of his!

They're moving in, keeping their intervals wide! Oh, for a moment I thoguht one of them was going to slip on the glass. They know what Von Brandt is capable of. One of them is throwing a dagger at -- oh, it just bounced off Beegraks' armor!

Poison Dagger: +14 vs AC. Miss.
Thug B and both Assassins take the Total Defense Action.

Terrain: Red shades: slippery; blue shades: difficult and blocks line of effect
:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x7), Beegraks (+1 x5), Mercenary Wizard, Street Thugs, Death Squad Assassins

Defenses:
Street Thug: AC 21 Fort 19 Ref 20 Will 17
Assassins: AC 21 Fort 18 Ref 20 Will 19
Wizard: AC 19 Fort 16 Ref 20 Will 20

"Reynolds. It's been a long time. I understand you being sore about the medusa lair, but one of us had to go in first. You just drew the short straw! Somebody was bound to show up with some stone to flesh potions eventually, right?

Now, I grant you: it's a real shame, you spending those 5 years locked in a stone prison of your own petrified flesh, fully aware of the passage of time but unable to either move or speak. But I'm sure you got a lot of deep thinking done.

Most importantly, you didn't age a bit in that statue. Look at you, not a day over 46. I'd be jealous, if I didn't know how badly I'm going to wreck your face in the next five minutes."

With that, he sends a bolt of lightning flashing past one of Reynolds' hired goons: it misses the assassin by inches.

"That's the only warning shot you'll get. Reynolds wouldn't be able to afford four of you if you were any damned good, so take a hint. Bitches, leave."


Move to I-16
Lightning Strike Assassin A
Uuuuuugh

"Huh? Magic Man, what did you do to these weaklings to get them so pissy?"

Beegraks inquisitively asks of his partner, Barely noticing the knife that bounced off of him.

"smells like poison. You guys like poison?"

He says as he turns towards the Assassins.

Move to F12
Dragon Breath from the Southwest corner so as to hit both assassins
9 damage to assassin A

"Tasty, isssn't it?"

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngReally, Cyrus? You think that's what this is about? Please. It was bad enough you sold me as artwork. But no. You stole my life. My love. My dignity. My savings. You took everything I had, and now you're going to pay for that, you greedy son of a bitch.

You may be somewhat resistant to lightning, but no matter. Let's see you shrug this off!



6 lightning damage to Von Brandt. 5 ongoing poison and slowed (save ends both)

Well folks, looks like an interesting magic contest between sorcerer and wizard! And using the same base element to boot! Who will win this fight?

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngOh, and Cyrus? My comrades-at-arms are not hirelings. Everyone here has been wronged by you at some point. It's all about revenge.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/street-thug.pngThree hundred pieces. Three hundred! Aaaaaaaaarghhhh!

Wow, they're distraught. I wonder what Von Brandt did to them. Another dagger at Beegraks, they're charging him... and...

Everything's totally missing Beegraks today. What a lucky guy!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/deat...d-assassin.pngDon't think the guild of assassins have forgotten your treachery in Baldur's Gate, Von Brandt!

Hey look, is that a naked half elf in the audience?!

Whoo, he almost slips on the glass, but he's way too agile! He skates right through it! He's reached Von Brandt now! Ow!

Assassin A takes double-move through rubble.
Shapeshifter's Feint: 10 vs Reflex. Hit. Von Brandt grants combat advantage to Assassin B until the end of its next turn.
Assassin's Longblade: 12 vs AC. Hit. 14 damage to Von Brandt.

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x7), Beegraks (+1 x5), Mercenary Wizard, Street Thugs, Death Squad Assassins

The ones engaging Beegraks are thugs. The assassins are adjacent to Von Brandt

"Ah, yes. That was always your thing, wasn't it? Von Brandt has mastered the lightning strike? Well, I'd better master a lightning strike that is also a snake! What is it with you and the snakes, anyway? It's kind of, you know, weird. And not weird in an awesome way, like buying a brace of pigeons just to let them shit on your old buddy the statue."

Cyrus smiles to himself. Good times. As though it were his spell all along, the lightning serpent smoothly coils into Von Brandt's open palm and springs back across the arena, tearing into its creator before dissipating.

"As for YOU guys: Assassins, complaining about treachery? Are you even listening to yourselves? Look, we had an agreement: I take all the money, and in exchange we never have to see each other again. Okay, technically that was an agreement I came to by myself, but you were unconscious at the time. I maintain that I had your best interests in mind, however."

As he speaks, Cyrus slides away on the shifting sands as though he were sledding down a snowy hill. The hot arena sands spray up from his heels, choking his foes and concealing his position. This was delicious: so much history to be settled, while the real Cyrus was safely ensconced in some bizarre Waterdhavian cloning lab. He could afford to be cocky.

Immediate reaction: Shared Suffering ability on the ongoing Lighting Serpent damage; apply it to Reynolds in kind.
Searing Sands vs both Assassins; 16 damage each. Cyrus is concealed.
Shift to J17

:plant:

Well, well, looks like these lowly thugs have got it out for the dragonborn. Too bad for them they won't be there to see their own heads explode, because they look like the types who could appreciate such a fine artistic gesture.


*Trade up 3 +1 tokens for a +2 token
Arcing Smite (boosted by +2 token), first on Thug A, and then on Thug B
11 damage to Thug A
Shift to F13
Action Point!
Majestic Halo on Thug B
15 damage to Thug B

Well, they might have to wait a bit for the fireworks, but Beegraks wishes to assure everyone that they will take place as promised.

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngGggh, I see you picked up a new trick. Won't nearly be enough to save you.

5 poison damage to Von Brandt.

What... was that?! Truly a magnificent feat of magical redirection, folks! And now he's gone and kick more sand in their faces!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngOh yes, "Searing Sands". Pathetic. Let's see how well you can withstand my MAGIC MISSILE!

...

5 untyped to Wizard. Magic Missile misses.

That spell goes wild, deflected by Von Brandt's miniature sandstorm! That's not deterring the assassins though!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/deat...d-assassin.pngHe's over there.... I think! Come on! Flank and kill! You go outside the ring, I----whoops!

Oh, one of them just slipped on Von Brandt's glass! How awkward! Still, Von Brandt's distracted with bouts of laughter! The other assassin's circling him... Folks, stop throwing that fruit! There's a force field there, can't penetrate it! Not deterring them from stabbing Von Brandt to death!

Assassin B falls prone, helpless. Assassin A takes 5 force damage.
Longsword hits: 12 - 2 [concealment] - 2 [prone] + 2 [combat advantage] + 14 = 24 > 20
Assassin's Quarry misses: 10 + 7 +2 [flanking] - 2 [concealment] = 17 < 18
Reflex.
20 damage to Von Brandt; bloodied.

The human thugs are content enough to swing around that mace at Beegraks. I hope his face is insured.

Morningstar: +14 vs AC. 9 damage to Beegraks; marked by Thug A until end of thug's next turn.


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x7), Beegraks (+1 x3), Mercenary Wizard, Street Thugs, Death Squad Assassins

"Did you seriously just bust out Magic Missile? You know, Reynolds, they're running a Juniors Arena event next week; padded sticks, pillow armor, that sort of thing. Might be more to your speed, give it some thought. Meanwhile, buddy here can't even walk unless you tell him what order to lift his feet in. Keep it up, I could still die laughing."

Cyrus ducks under the assassins' blades, darting over to the rubble to continue his game of cat and mouse with Reynolds. He's gone before they can even react, leaving a humming little sphere of energy on the ground as he departs. He doesn't even glance backward as the spellsphere erupts. Cool guys don't look at explosions.

He skids to a stop only to find a couple of thugs shaking down his reptilian pal.

"Are you guys pummeling that lizard? You can't pummel the lizard in public. That's just disgusting."

The mighty winds of Decency and Self-Restraint buffet the offenders. Smiling the smile of the just, Cyrus zestfully bites into his complementary cookie.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile/apple.gif

Lightning Shift to J11
Thunder Bomb at J17. 19 damage to Assassin A; he's slowed.
♫Action Point♫
Whirlwind at F13; exempt the Beeg.
Attempt Good Timing, fail, take 5 damage.
15 damage to Thug B; he's prone.
Eat dat cookie

:plant:

Ah! Beegraks can smell the helplessness of one of the assassins, and he figures he might as well go and end him before he gets back up. In fact he quite ardently strikes him down.

Shift to G14
Charging Ardent strike vs. helpless assassin
17 damage to assassin
You have just been sanctionned, Matherfacker

http://i392.photobucket.com/albums/p...ctionJudge.jpg

:cmb:

Let's just assume Beegraks uses a +2 token.
Assassin A bloodied by Thunder Bomb.
Assassin B takes massive damage from Ardent Strike exactly equal to his bloodied value (31). Dies instantly.

What... was that?! Did you see that? The sheer brutality. And everybody's loving it!

Crowd is chanting Beegraks' name, giving him a +5 arena bonus to damage rolls until end of his next turn.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/deat...d-assassin.pngY-you assassinated him! You... You... I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngFocus on the matter at hand! Mourn your friend later, when we've all had our revenge!

Cyrus! Here's your own spell right back at you! The very one you taught me! LIGHTNING BOLT!

...

Sigh. Figures the bastard would teach me the weak form.

5 ongoing damage to wizard.
3 lightning damage to Von Brandt. 4 lightning damage to Beegraks.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/street-thug.pngI am so going to enjoy cutting you down to shreds, you monster. CUT YOU... TO FIVE HUNDRED PIECES!

Thug B's Charge vs Von Brandt, ending with Morningstar. Miss.
Thug A's Rattling Smash vs Von Brandt, +12 vs Will. Miss.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/deat...d-assassin.pngHey look, up there in the sky! Did that ice dragon just come back? Ahahaha, made you -- dammit, how could I miss?

Shapeshifter's Feint vs Beegraks. Hit. Grants CA for 2 rounds.
Assassin's Quarry vs Beegraks. Miss.
Fuck.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngIdiots. I'm surrounded by idiots.

All right, folks! Apparently our challengers have just temporarily suffered from a... bout of incompetence! Please forget the past six seconds!

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x7), Beegraks (+1 x1), Mercenary Wizard, Street Thugs, Death Squad Assassin

Things were looking bad for Clone von Brandt. He was backed into a corner, between a rock and a hard mace. Desperate and short on ideas, he attempts to prevail on Reynolds' extremely limited sense of honor.

"Enough of this spellslinging, Reynolds. Let's settle this between the two of us, man-to-man. Raise your quarterstaff and fight me. STAY BACK, Beegraks! This is between me and him! Just keep those other goons away from us and our manly man duel."

And with that, von Brandt lunged at his old accomplice, dagger in hand.

Shift to K12
Phew, running out of options here...
Stab the fuck out of Reynolds, I guess. 9 damage to that guy. Woooo.


:plant:

"What's that, magic man? Feel your thighs? I don't see why you want me to do that, but whatever drapes you grapes."

That dragonborn ear gold must be getting pretty thick in Smothas ears, because I'm pretty sure he didn't hear that right. Well, there he goes, swaggering like the drunken sleazeball that he is. All the way over to C to the Von B. Something about the way he moved distracted one of the thugs and Reynolds from Cyrus. I can't imagine what.

Shift to I14
Move to J13
Lecherous hands all over the Magic man
Thug B and Reynold be Sanctionned at the beginning of their turns courtesy of Beegraks' Wonderful, Majestic Halo


:cmb:

That's disgusting, Smothas. Don't you know children are watching? This sort of thing is not permissible in polite society! Much less in a public arena!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngEngaging in fisticuffs, Cyrus? I suppose it fits your thuggish ways. And enough with your lies. If you were serious about single combat, your dragon stooge will not be right here beside me.

Still, I must confess I've always wanted to hit you on the head with this staff. En garde!

...

Agh. You. Lizard. I don't know what it was you did, but you're not getting away with it!

5 ongoing damage to wizard
Quarterstaff vs Von Brandt: +12 vs AC, miss.
6 necrotic damage thanks to divine sanction. Bloodied :(
http://upload.jetsam.org/images/street-thug.pngEat morningstar, Von Brat! Yeah, that's right! How you like them apples, huh?!

14 damage; marked until end of Thug A's next turn.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/street-thug.pngStop looking at my legs like that, you MONSTER!

Critical hit! Beegraks takes 28 damage, is bloodied, and takes -2 penalty to attack rolls for 1 round.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/deat...d-assassin.pngSave some for me! I want a piece of him too!

Longblade hits. Beegraks takes 18 damage.

Looks like our challengers are making up for lost time! They've got Beegraks on the ropes now!

Item powers. Don't forget 'em, Ry.

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thugs, Mercenary Wizard, Death Squad Assassin

"Hey now, I just asked him to stay out of it. If he doesn't comply, what can I do? He's not my slave, Reynolds. I just met the guy today!"

Things were far too cramped; Cyrus could never get a spell off without some bastard pummeling him halfway through the motions. It was down to him and his trusty knife. With a grimace, he brings the blade scything down toward Reynolds; the wizard deflects it with his staff. Things were looking grim.

Shift to K13
STAB REYNOLDS. Fail.

Seeing no better alternatives at the present movement, Beegraks decides to camp inside his trusty cloak for a little while.

But not before reaching into Von Brandt's back and sneaking out the bottle of wine he had hidden between all his Magic Man like things. I mean really, who carries a rabbit around in their man-purse anyway. Even this idiot of a waste of lizardskin has seen that trick before.

"Thanks Magic Man! I owe you a drink!"

grab wine bottle from Von Brandt's bag
Expend two healing surges using Cloak
Woot! regain 44 HP thanks to belt
Take a drink of that sweet juice

:cmb:

Beegraks' Second Wind regains 42 HP. Unless there's an official ruling to the contrary, you are not "your ally", so Belt of Sacrifice will not trigger. Von Brandt will not get a +1 boost to surge value either, if he's using Beegraks' surge value.

Beegraks is now drunk. Until he sobers up, he gets a +1 power bonus to all rolls and grants combat advantage. He sobers up when he (a) spends a healing surge, (b) takes an extended rest, (c) becomes bloodied, or (d) voluntarily makes and succeeds on a saving throw.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngOh? The great Cyrus Von Brandt? Actually admitting that someone is not his stooge? Who are you, and what have you done with the real Cyrus Von Brandt?

You know what? You've grown soft, Cyrus. I'm not even going to bother stick-fighting with you - if that's even really you.

Time to end him, boys. Grab him!
Cyrus is grabbed. Immobilized.

Wowzers, the street thugs have Von Brandt in a vise! He's not going to wriggle away anytime soon! What is Reynolds doing? He's putting his left foot -- oh! Okay!

Pay no attention to that massive 100x5-foot spiked boulder that just appeared over the arena, folks. You're all completely safe!

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Reynolds takes 5 ongoing damage and is granting combat advantage to everyone for one round.
Doesn't save from ongoing. :erm:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/deat...d-assassin.pngIf you think cowering under that cloak is going to protect you from my wrath...

Crud.

Longblade misses.

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thugs, Mercenary Wizard, Death Squad Assassin

"Get your hands off me, you mouth-breathing simpleton. If I wanted to manhandled by sweaty men I'd dress up like your whore of a mother."

With a grunt, Cyrus breaks free of the thug's meaty paws and skids onto the glass; the lightning was already crackling in his palms.

"Send her my love, would you?"

I Want To Break Free!
That was a close shave.
Shift to L14
Try to Not Fall. Assuming I stay upright, proceed as follows.
Lightning Strike vs Reynolds, risk a staff in the face
Miss. GOOD TIMING GO!
17 damage to Reynolds. 3 to the surviving Assassin :plant:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngImbecile! You just let him go? What, those muscles just for show? We could have squashed him flat!

Lightning Strike, eh Cyrus? I see what you're doing there. Seen it a hundred times. Take this!

Yessss! Finally got you!

Opportunity attack: 6 damage to Von Brandt. Bloodied.
Lightning Strike reduces Reynolds' HP to single digits.

Carry on, Rychord.

Beegraks was feeling quite good about himself there. This day was getting pretty long and he'd barely had any tail or drink. When he spotted that bottle in Von Brandt's bag, the battle didn't seem to matter so much anymore. If no females besides that fat-assed dragon were gonna present themselves in the arena, he might as well indulge in what small pleasure was available. Slaughtering was good fun, sure, but after a while even that lost some of its appeal from the lack of variety.

Then, a sword comes through his cloak and into his little sanctuary, nearly running him through. And look at that hole. Where's he gonna find someone to mend it in a place like this? Back to slaughtering I guess.

Not even taking the time to finish his last drink, Beegraks emerges from his seclusion and focuses down the assassin that just damaged his favorite accessory.

"PPffff!"

Now that's what I call sour grapes! Flailed to perfection!

Wine vomit assassin
Ardent strike on Assassin
11 damage to Assassin (if this doesn't kill him, make use of Giantkind gloves encounter power to add an extra 2 damage
shift to K14

That went exactly as Beegraks had planned it. While dodging the wine, the assassin missed the fact that a massive spiked ball had also departed for his face from the other side.

And just like that, the dragonborn sobered up.

"Magic man, I think you got gipped on the grape juice. Or you like lady's wine. Either way, I need another drink!"

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/street-thug.pngYOU... DON'T... GET. TO. TALK. ABOUT. MY. DEAR DEPARTED. MA. IN THAT MANNER! MOE! GO AROUND AND HELP ME MAKE HIM A CYRUS SANDWICH!

Thug A shifts to K13. Critical roll! Cyrus grabbed, immobilized.
Damn, out of actions. I didn't think this through.
Thug B moves to M14. Morningstar connects: 7 damage to Von Brandt. Marked until end of thug's next turn.
Divine Sanction! 6 necrotic damage to Thug B.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngLizard, I'd have preferred to focus my fire on Cyrus, but I feel a magical compulsion to strike you down. Get out of my way. MAGIC MISSILE!

...

WAIT YOU FOOL! DON'T STAND THERE! THERE'S NO TI--

5 ongoing damage to Reynolds.
Ignore the OA rolls - he shifts to K12. Magic Missile misses.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/street-thug.pngGet the Flash Player to play this audio file:
SPLUT. Thug A is squashed flat. Dies instantly.
Everyone adjacent to K13 knocked 1 square backwards.
K13 is now impassable and blocks line of sight and line of effect.

Reynolds, you and your team were fully briefed on the exact nature of the enchantment we're giving you. As per the standard waiver you have signed, the Waterdeep Arena Corporation bears no liability for the improper use of any tool or implement we provide!

Well, I suppose that's one less thug roaming the streets of our fair city. But our intrepid duo is not out of the woods yet!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/deat...d-assassin.pngHey lizard. Look at my rack. I shape-shifted it just for you! Ahahaha, got-- oh crap, missed again!

Beegraks granting combat advantage to assassin till end of its next turn. Longblade misses.

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thug, Mercenary Wizard <- is about to die of ongoing damage, Death Squad Assassin

"You were better off as a decoration, Reynolds. At least then I couldn't skin you for a new pair of gloves. Now, however — "

Cyrus turns away coldly as his old acquaintance withers away under the ruinous power of his own spell. Were all of these fools going to self-destruct?

Stay put, smirk a bit
Lightning Strike to Assassin
20 damage to Assassin, 3 damage to Thug

"Heh. Looks like all your friends left you to die!"

Says Beegraks to the last remaining thug as he proceeds to bring his flail into the thug's abdomen.

Move to M14 through L15
Use Belt of Sacrifice to give Cyrus one final Surge by giving up my last two somehow thought I had two surges left
Resurgent Strike on Thug
20 damage to Thug

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mercenery-wizard.pngGgggggg... Cy....rus... I'll.... haunt... y--y--!
Assassin A dies from Lightning Strike. Wizard takes 5 ongoing and dies.

And just like that, the tables are turned, ladies and gentlemen! Only one thug left - his revenge is going to have to go unfulfilled!

Thug bloodied by Resurgent Strike.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/street-thug.pngIf I'm going down, then I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME VON BRANDT!

Divine Sanction! 6 necrotic damage.

And he misses! Dead man walking right there! Has there ever been such an anticlimactic outcome to a final battle? Mop it up, you two!

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thug

Cyrus flicks a spray of acid in the thug's face, and a wan smile settles over his features.

"I've no doubt that I'll accompany you at your destination one day. Already bought the ticket. But I won't travel with you today; haven't finished packing."

Shift to N16
Acid Orb vs Thug
11 damage
:plant:

Aaaaand that's a wrap folks! Let's hear it for Beegraks and Von Brandt! Did you expect them to end the day standing? I didn't. Must be all the cookies. Our delicious, yummy cookies! You lucky lucky gladiators get to keep his entrance fee - a very handsome flag with his symbol on it!
You can help yourselves to the... 50... 60... 88. 88 gold pieces that your opponents were careless enough to bring with them as well! Ah, the spoils of battle!

1,514 GP banked for both of you.

Beegraks, you're new, so let me give you some quick information. Our sponsors maintain a full value barter system - certainly terms that are more generous than anything else you can find in the outside world. We have the best artificers that gold pieces can buy, so we get the best fights this side of the Sword Coast.

Guards, escort our gladiators back to their quarters for some rest and relaxation. They've earned it.

On that point, the odds for both finishing together was 1 in 69. Do we have any winners, Larry?

1. Level up! Choose a feat, your 2 ability-up bonuses, and retrain if desired.
2. Enforced extended rest! Choose your purchases and barter trades.
3. Coercive Gauntlets have strangely disappeared from Character Builder. Please trade it in.
4. Brainzzzz. Barhah!
   

Cyrus snapped into attention with a start, his mind still a bit fogged up. The half-elf dimly remembered the events of the past day. He's had days of arena combat now, remaining alive despite the loss of his partners. His newest partner was a lascivious dragonborn they called Beegraks. The evil paladin inexplicably survived the encounters, despite terrifying odds. Who did they face again? Some bugbears, was it? The Beeg's old girlfriend. Worms of some kind. "Holy worms", yes. Cyrus snickered at the very idea. And a loose end from Cyrus' past who he easily dispatched.

The sorcerer rises unsteadily to his feet. Well, he muses, wherever he is, it's certainly not the arena. It's completely enclosed in rock, for one, illuminated only by the odd everburning torch tightly affixed to the occasional rock wall. Second, he's not in chains and there's no guard in sight. Nor did he feel an anti-magic field anywhere in the area. The professionally-run arena would never allow its prized gladiators to wander freely without the adequate supervision. It's bad for business, after all.

Cyrus cautiously takes a step back - his back touches a wall. There's no getting out this way. Looking down, he espies a magic circle inscribed on the ground. The sorcerer is quick to recognize it as a linked portal, but it is inactive, as if out of power. So that's how we got here, he muses. At his feet lie his partner from the previous day, a Zehirite Paladin. Cyrus is a Tiamat worshipper himself, but to each his own deity.

They were in a passageway of sorts. The path extends for a good fifty yards before it terminates in a solid wall. There were multiple branches in the passage that go to the right or left, but it is impossible to determine how far they go from Cyrus' present location. All is quiet.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/arenab8d0.jpg

Cyrus delivers a solid kick into the paladin's ribs.

"On your feet, you great oversized kobold. Mysteries are afoot. Why, I've not been in such a dark and smelly tunnel since that lich queen ensnared me with her illusions. Quite fetching illusions, mind you."

Cyrus sidles over to the edge of the nearest west-oriented tunnel, waving his arm around in front of it vigorously. You can always get a new arm, but a handsome face like his was really quite irreplaceable.

Cyrus hugs the wall to the right, cautiously inching his way forward. The "tunnel" terminates prematurely ten feet from the passage.

"Boo!"

A rusted lever set into the alcove wall is taken by surprise. It dies of fright.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/arenab8d01.jpg

A world full of nothing but busty dragonborn wenches. Beegraks sure lucked out this time. He'd heard of portals leading to alternate realities in the past, but this was the first time he'd actually gone through one. What's more, every one of them were ready to submit to his every whim and will! Look at them all, kneeling before him, and rubbing him all over with their fancy dragon lotions. Oh, Beegraks reaches out and grabs him something sweet. Oh yeah. She likes it. And another one. Oh boy. Sweet, sweet luck this time for Beegraks.

Hey, what's that boulder doing on that ledge over his head? Ah crap, looks like it's headed his way...

BAM

A rude awekening for Beegraks if he's ever had one. Not quite sure what actually just happened, Smothas starts looking around a bit before catching on that it was all just a dream. Grumbling and cussing as he gets up, he realizes it was the magic man that delivered the blow, and that he didn't quite luck out as much as he'd wished. Quite the opposite in fact, it seems like he is stuck in this shady cave for a while. He didn't even get a taste of the announcer man's flesh, and he certainly doesn't seem to be down here with them.

Looking at the Sorcerer leaning against the wall, Beegraks walks towards the alcove to their right and peers into it inquisitively to notice the lever at the back of it. Being the born lever-puller that he is, he proceeds to do just that, while grasping his Flail in his other hand.

Stand up from prone.
Walk to lever.
Pull Lever.
Stay alert,
bom
bom
stay safe

:cmb:

The groggy dragonborn rises from his sweet dream, shuffles over to his new best buddy, and immediately pulls the first lever he sees. The rusty mechanism gives way easily, but appears to have hit a snag partway down. Redoubling his efforts, Beegraks manages to force it all the way down.

He hears a faint click from somewhere ahead. An instant later, the everburning torches are snuffed out, enveloping the duo in complete darkness. As sharp as von Brandt's low-light vision may be, the half-elf can't see in the dark.

"Well." the dragonborn thinks to himself. "Now I know what this does!" And with that he attempts to return the lever to its former position.

An instant after the dragonborn clicks the lever back into its original position, the magical darkness lifts.

Sweet, sweet light!

As far as Von Brandt can see, nothing in the room has changed during the short interval of darkness. It doesn't seem like the perverted paladin has opportunistically molested him.

Von Brandt's face lights up with a childish glee. He seizes upon the light-controlling lever, flipping it back and forth as quickly as he can. With his other hand, he quickly fetches a sunrod from his belt and ignites it, waving it back and forth under the pulsing light. A strange and eldritch song comes to the forefront of his memory, the arcane lyrics pouring unbidden from his throat.

"DOOM. DOOM. DOOM. DOOM—"

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:

A few minutes later, he releases the lever and leaves it in the "on" position. He's sweaty and exhausted. What had come over him? No matter. Without further hesitation, Cyrus darts down the passage, glancing down the nearest eastern passage (or was it just another nook?) before doing a hella sweet tuck and roll to stop in front of the second passage. The endorphins were still coursing through him.

"DOOOOOOUCHE!"

Seized by a strange impulse, the normally dead-serious sorcerer launches into a song and dance number, culminating in a show-stopping feat of acrobatics right in front of an east-bound passage.

As he suspected, the second "tunnel" from the origin point was nothing more than a nook. Though this time, there's nothing remarkable about it. The tunnel to Cyrus' left extends for about 18 feet from his current position. A large earthenware pot lies directly against its wall.

Von Brandt glances down at his hand - he's still carrying the lever that he played with. The strain from his last enthusiastic stroke was apparently too much for the helpless shaft.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/arenab8d02.jpg

Somewhat confused as to what had just happened, the dragonborn finally decides to just shrug it off and get on with his exploration of his newly found abode. Seeing that the magic man had stopped suddenly in front of the third alcove, Beegraks proceeds to peer down the alcove. Noticing the pot at the end of it, he lifts up his flail above his head, glad that he finally gets to do some smashing. Yet, in an uncharacteristically prudent fashion, he stops short of bringing the flail down on the pot and instead decides to investigate it more closely and carefully instead of destroying it.

Move to I6
History check on pot to determine origin

Uncharacteristic of someone who spent most of his life in a swamp, Smothas Beegraks shows a surprising appreciation for the arts and stops short of smashing the pot. He wracks his mind as to its provenance - sheltered and solitary as his life was, he knows he's seen that type of pot before.

Then it hit him. Merchants. While he was preying on victims traveling towards Waterdeep, he has observed caravans ferrying goods of all kinds into the City of Splendor. A particularly memorable (and delicious) expedition from the Dalelands carried this type of pot, a burial urn that depicts Kelemvor Lyonsbane, the judge of the damned.

Beegraks notices a few scraps of parchment inside the urn. There is writing on one side of each scrap, but it is impossible to determine the message until the scraps are pieced together. There appears to be too few pieces for a proper reassembly to be done.

Still dizzy and over-enthused, Cyrus darts over to the urn and seizes it with both hands.

"You can keep those scraps, lizard. This sweet-ass helmet I claim for the kingdom of Brandtopia."

And with that, he returns to the main corridor, overturns the urn and places it over his head.

"GET OUTTA THE WAY, SUCKAS. HERE COMES THE LIGHTNING TRAIN!"

Lower head
Charge southward until collision, leading with be-urned noggin
Scream "choo choo!" every few moments

:plant:

"Magic man, have you been smoking those magic rocks again? Didn't I tell you to warn me before you do that, so I can get in on that action?"

After standing in awe for some time at his partner's somewhat over the top reaction to what was decidedly a rather benign vase, The dragonborn stuff's the scraps of paper inside his bag for later use.

Nonchalantly exiting the alcove, Beegraks moves southward towards the next one and peeks in.

Beegraks cautiously sidles into the next passage. As expected, it's yet another alcove. There's a wooden box of some sort in plain view. Perhaps there's treasure inside!

________


Von Brandt takes further leave of his senses, and barrels blindly with an urn obstructing his view. He crashes into the far end of the wall a few seconds later, utterly obliterating the urn into hundreds of shards.

Wall takes 8 HP damage.
Von Brandt takes 4 HP damage, is prone.

The sorcerer trips and falls on what he initially thought to be an indistinct pile of rocks stacked at the end of the main passage. Upon closer examination, it's actually a pile of dry bones.

And... is it a trick of the light, or...? And why is it cooler here?

Before Cyrus' dazed eyes, an ominous purple light suffuses the bones he's trampled on. Thus enervated, two skeletons abruptly rise from the pile, jabbing Cyrus in the ribs with their longswords. The half-elf feebly tries to parry, but most of the hits go through since he was completely taken by surprise.

Well, Cyrus waxes philosophically, at least they can't surround me. Not with the wall right at my back!

Skeleton Soldiers : AC 21, Fort 18, Ref 19, Will 18
Longsword, +11 vs AC (12+ to hit Cyrus, 10+ with combat advantage)

Surprise Round! Longsword vs. Cyrus x2.
Cyrus takes 10 damage.

To ARMS!
Round 1 Starts. Longsword vs. Cyrus x2.
Critical Hit! Cyrus takes 5 damage.

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), ROUND-2 Skeleton Soldiers

"Lizard, aid me! So violent was the collision that my own skeleton bones have leapt entire from my body. Twice! We must capture them intact, that I may safely return them to the warm embrace of my guts. If there are any leftovers, we may build a skeletal butler from the remains, or perhaps an end table. Anything is possible!"

And with that, Cyrus began to flap his arms around wildly. His strange belief in his own bonelessness combined with his magical talent makes his whirling limbs not unlike a pair of spinning rotors, and the skeleton before him was toppled easily.

For the duration of the battle, attack to subdue rather than kill
Whirlwind centered on Cyrus, excluding him
20 damage to Skeleton AC3, and it's prone
Lightning Shift up to X3, look down that side passage while I'm there.

:plant:

Supremely satisfied with his jaunty pair of acrobatic boots, Von Brandt leaps to his feet with great agility, and starts flailing at what he believes to be his own skeletal system. A lucky shot catches the skeleton right in front of him by surprise; despite Cyrus' best effort not to destroy it, it collapses to the ground in 206 pieces.

AC3 skeleton dies knocked out. It's a minion.

The opening leaves the him with just enough room to maneuver. The storm sorcerer quickly streaks back towards his lizard friend like greased lightning, slightly the worse for wear. Cyrus' eyes were fast enough to catch a few glimpses of the two 'passages' he traversed past. The one closest to the far wall extends 60 feet before branching off into other paths unseen. The passage he stopped in front of was merely another nook in the wall, this time containing a wooden barrel.

Cyrus notices three new switches similar to the one he just destroyed. One is directly in front of him, embedded in a wall. He also briefly caught a glance of two others - now to his back - on both sides of the tunnel that intersects the main passage.

"Magic man, how did you get your bones out without the blood spilling all over the place? It amazes me to no end! Don't worry, I'll keep them in top shape and we will get them back into you in no time!"



Beegraks shouts in reverent amazement as he start barreling down the hall towards the fight.

Double-move as far down the hall as I can

:cmb:

Beegraks barrels down the passageway at full speed. He must help get his new buddy's bones back where they belong! Alas, if only Cyrus' skeleton was so cooperative. For where there were once two, there are now four - two new sets that are rising from the bone pile to the occasion, while the skeleton Cyrus smashed up is now reassembling itself!

They would soon be inundated with Cyrus bones if this keeps up.

Two skeletons immediately charge the dastardly duo with longswords pointed at their bellies - only to have the dragonborn annihilate the bones charging his buddy. He flails out a second time as another skeleton continues the charge against Von Brandt. The flail misses, but puts the skeleton so off-kilter that it missed its quarry.

Taking advantage of Beegraks' momentary distraction, the last skeleton slashes at his face. This time, it connects.

A charges Beegraks; C and D charge Von Brandt.
Beegraks destroys C with opportunity attack; misses D.
B uses longsword against Beegraks.
A and D miss; B hits. 5 damage to Beegraks.


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), ROUND-3 Skeleton Soldiers

"By Tiamat's furrowed monobrow, they're reproducing! How vile."

Cyrus' lip curls in disgust, watching as the pile of skeleton bones writhes around and occasionally vomits forth another fully-formed skeletal combatant. What fresh hell is this, that he must behold his own skeleton copulating with itself? Von Brandt had seen more than his share of foul deeds, but a necro-incestuous skeletal clone orgy was far outside his experience.

"There are more than enough of them that we may safely destroy them at will and still reassemble a butler from the remains. We must stop this horror at once. I don't know how this works, but let's try the most obvious method first."

And with that, Cyrus aimed his mighty boot directly at the nearest skeleton's pelvis. The offending bone rockets away from the rest of the skeleton, flying backwards through the ribcage of the skeleton behind. Both collapse in a heap.

Lightning Strike (as melee) to Skeleton D, branching to B; both destroyed, by my reckoning.

:plant:

As he's about to start crushing some bones, Beegraks suddenly recalls that the magic man wanted to conserve the bones so he could get them back into his body. And so, the paladin decides to meticulously feel the magic man's body to be sure that he doesn't crack some important parts. The pelvic area especially needs to be preserved, what with Von Brandt's amazing dancing abilities, and so the smotherer bandit spends a lot more time checking that region than the rest.

Lecherous Hands on Von Brandt

Now confident that he'll get it right, he proceeds to lay his flail into the remaining skeleton.

Ardent Strike to Skelly A
Skelly A Dismembered

As soon as the skelly falls from the hit, Beegraks starts to study the damage and see if anything needs to be glued up for Cyrus to be comfortable in his own skin again.

With an urgent need to quickly put Von Brandt's self-procreating bones back into his body, the pair wastes no time in dispatching the wayward skeletons. Beegraks fondles his partner's pelvic region, attempting to determine the general topology of Cyrus' waist. His hand brushes against something hard and stiff. That is odd indeed - if Von Brandt's bones are truly outside of his body, shouldn't he be nothing more than a quivering jelly-like mass of skin and meat?

Cyrus violently jumps in the air as the Smotherer Bandit caresses him. The motion interrupts the evil paladin's soothing touch. Perhaps another time, when the pair are more hard-pressed?

An examination of the disassembled skeletons show nothing amiss. Other than the fact that they were up and about until a while ago, they look like ordinary dry bones to the dragonborn. The skeletons show no sign of reanimating; it seems as though they are beyond the boundaries of whatever had energized them in the first place. However, Cyrus still feels the presence of the icy chill he experienced previously. It reeks of profane magic, though he is unable to pinpoint the exact source offhand.

Before their horrified eyes, a pair of skeletal warriors rise slowly from the bone pile. Their eye sockets flash with an unearthly malevolence as they inch forward towards the paladin. Both skeletons draw a spare tibia from the scattered bones, brandishing their improvised weapons with apparent glee, but otherwise make no move to attack... for now.

Both skeletons ready an action: charge anything that attacks or enters row Z; culminating in melee basic attack.

:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), ROUND-4 Skeleton Soldiers

"This is silly. We have wasted our time destroying them as they spawn, when we should rightly focus our efforts on the spawning pile itself!"

Cyrus flings a thunder bomb from his palm, smiling smugly as it bounces around the heap of skeletons and lands in a dark corner... before it detonates with a deafening kaboom.

Thunder Bomb centered on AD3
20 damage to whatever I hit

:plant:

"More bags of bones want to play! Bring it on bonesies!"

As Beegraks is taunting the bonebags, he steps forward and braces for impact, seeing that they are obviously waiting for just this opportunity. He readies his arcing smite in great anticipation.

Move to Z2, ready arcing smite to both skellys
Skelly A go byebye

:cmb:

Cyrus casually tosses a ball of thunder right smack into the bone pile. The resulting explosion obliterates one of the skeletons completely, and the top layer of exposed bones crumbles to dust.

Reacting quickly, the other remaining skeleton charges full tilt towards the sorcerer. Most unfortunately, it catches a heavy flail at its midsection - and without a pelvis, clatters to the ground in front of Cyrus - quite inanimate.

The skeletal pile shudders, its ominous light changing hues to a more fiery red. Four skeleton warriors rise from the bones, and slowly approach the pair. Beegraks stands ready this time, casually cutting one down with an elegant arc, and just barely missing its neighbor. He's immediately punished for the transgression, clubbed on the head with some poor unfortunate's ribs, and hit on the head with a well-thrown skull.

Bone pile takes 20 damage.
Readied action triggers: surviving skeleton charges Von Brandt. Killed by Beegraks' opportunity attack.
Z3 is now difficult terrain.
Beegraks kills new Skeleton A. Remaining skeletons attack Beegraks; B and D hit for 9 damage total.


:savepoint: Von Brandt (+1 x9 - roll 1d100 for free prize spin), Beegraks (+1 x2), ROUND-5 Skeleton Soldiers

Cyrus glares hatefully at the bone-pile. Why is it so mean? Why won't it just go away?

"I hate you, bone pile", he mutters, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Eyebite vs pile. 12 damage to pile on account of it feels guilty for being such a dick. Cyrus gets hell of invisible. :plant:

Cyrus' attack slams deep into the bone pile, completely obliterating the talisman secreted underneath. A blinding flash accompanies the item's destruction. Moments later, the skeletons that had attacked Smothas clatter uselessly into the ground - deader than dead.

:savepoint: Trap defused! :savepoint:

The party can regain any ONE encounter power already spent.

As the bones crumple at his feet, the dragonborn swings his flail one last time at the pile before realizing what this might mean for his friend's reconstitution.

As he notices that the magic man is a bit distracted, Beegraks, acting as nonchalantly as he can, whistles and goes back into the last alcove to check the contents of the barrel, hoping that Cyrus doesn't notice that his bones are now in quite poor shape.

Move to barrel and inspect
Spend a healing surge

:cmb:

Not without difficulty, Beegraks pries open the wooden barrel with his bare hands. Strangely enough, the barrel's insides are coated with glass, instead of the wood Beegraks was expecting.

He peers into the barrel. It's almost filled to the brim with a thick viscous fluid the color of shale. The gel looks almost pudding-like in consistency. Perhaps it's edible?

I guess Pang's waiting for the outcome. I was also waiting for his post, hence the delay Sorry.

The dragonborn peers into the barrel and hesitates for a moment. It's been a while since he's feasted and if this goo can fill his belly then so be it. After sticking his hand into the barrel, he proceeds to take it out and take a generous lick of the goo. He pauses for a moment to determine whether or not he can bear the taste of it, and also whether or not he has gone deaf, dumb(er), blind, or stone dead since ingesting it.

Take a lick of that goo
Observe (enjoy?) the effects

:cmb:

PICK UP BARREL

POUR CONTENTS ON HEAD

(POSSIBLY BE DISSOLVED)

Beegraks dips his hand into the goo - it feels thick and oily. Bringing a sample to his lips, he is assaulted with a moderately-strong stench of rotting vegetation. He gingerly takes a lick - it's bitter, and is definitely inedible. The aftertaste is horrible, though beyond that, the smothering bandit feels fine.

Cyrus tries to pick up the barrel - alas, it is heavier than he can manage. Undeterred, he leaps into the barrel and bathes himself thoroughly in the goo. He emerges from his bath sticky and reeking of rotten trees. Much to the suicidal half-elf's chagrin, he's still undissolved.

Bathing in crude oil:

1. -2 penalty to speed
2. -2 penalty to Reflex
3. -10 penalty to athletics, acrobatics, dexterity, and stealth checks
4. +10 vulnerability to fire and lightning
5. +2 bonus to AC
6. +10 resistance to cold

Save ends all effects (roll a 19 or 20)

As he observes the magic man's behaviour, Beegraks stands befuddled once again. Does the magic man eat through his skin? Smothas briefly considers devouring Cyrus, since he is now coated in what would have been his dinner. The magic man has proven his usefulness on more than one occasion however, and the dragonborn decides to curb his urges and instead nourish himself on the oil that remains in the barrel after his partner has taken his share.

Gobble up as much of the oil as possible

Now that his hunger has somewhat subsided, he heads southwards, towards the previously revealed levers. Once again, being the born lever-puller that he is, he proceeds to flick the switch, watching for any hint of danger to his dragonly person.

Move to AA1
Pull that lever!

:cmb:

Blissfully ignoring his sense of smell and taste, the dragonborn consumes a bucketful of eau de rotten vegetation. The results are nauseating and predictable.

Beegraks contracts Blinding Sickness. He loses one healing surge that cannot be regained until cured.

Endurance Check after every extended rest to cure. Improve: 19, Maintain: 14, Worsen: 13 and lower
Straining hard to hide his nausea, Beegraks signals to Von Brandt his intention. What happens if these so-delicious switches are pulled simultaneously? Well, no time like the present to find out!

There's a loud creak, followed by a rumbling sound immediately echoes from the passage where they came from. It's coming from one of the branches of the main passage, from their right side. The sound eventually dies down. Was that it? How anticlimactic!

While there was no immediate danger to Beegraks, Cyrus is not as fortunate. While distracted with switch-flipping, what he thought was a couple of chests to his right hand side suddenly dissolved into a quivering mass of goo! And worse, they're attacking!

Surprise Round: 2 Object Mimics, ROUND 1: Object Mimics [28], Beegraks [23], Von Brandt [17]

DEFENSES: Object Mimic: AC 23, Fort 21, Reflex 19, Will 21

We have a guest DM for this battle. Skills will be controlling the object mimics. I will vet, keep track, and update the map as normal after his turn.

Hi folks, Zerg asked me to run your friendly neighbourhood mimics today. Sup

Goop has a boring life, sometimes. Just sittin there. A lot. Not a whole fuckload to do down here 'cept look like a god damn box and wait for poor adventuring assho....HOLY SHIT WHAT'S THAT.

Box A is not quiet about his excitement when the lever is pulled. "WATCH OUT MOTHERFUCKERS IMMA GONNA GET YOU. BOXY BROWN TAKES NO PRISONERS."

Box the B is not as enthused. He was much more logical about all this. Also, he spoke with a french accent "Sirs, I am Chesty LaRue. Engarde~"

------------

Boxy Brown (the one on the left) Crushing Tendrils vs Cyrus.
Crit lmao.
24 damage.
Cyrus Grabbed. Takes -5 penalty to grab escape attempts.

Chesty LaRue (the one on the right) moves to AA8.
Surprise round and ooze form means can get there without drawing an AoO.

End surprise round

-----------

Boxy's got gross goop fingers. Pushing, probing, feeling where they shouldn't. Cyrus is freaked out when one slides past his corn hole. What the fuck is going on.

Boxy Brown Sustain Standard, Crushing Tendrils.
15 more damage for some reason, holy christ. Grab sustained, same penalty applies. Acid typing if that means anything to you.

Chesty LaRue Slam vs Cyrus.
Hit.
12 damage.
Cyrus kinda sad now I guess?

But the French are tricky, don't you know. Oh yes.

Chesty LaRue Shapeshift back into chesty form.

Assuming Cyrus has already spent a surge after the skeleton traps. Just this once.

Crushing Tendrils: Melee 3, 13 vs AC, 1d8 + 4 + 2d6 acid damage (24). Grabbed; -5 penalty to escape attempts.
Sustain Crushing Tendrils: 15 acid damage. Cyrus bloodied.
Slam: 11 vs AC, 2d8+7 damage.

Total damage sustained: 51.


:savepoint: Beegraks, Von Brandt, ROUND 2: Object Mimics

Cyrus von Brandt: 3/59 (6/7 surges) - Stone Hide
Smothas Beegraks: 78/78 (11/13 surges) - +1 tokens x2

As he starts reeling from the sickening ooze he's just ingested, Smothas starts imagining that a couple of oozy boxes have started attacking the magic man. As he pinches himself to confirm that this cannot be, he realizes that maybe it can. And it most probably is, as Von Brandt has just let out a scream of agony that can't possibly have taken place in his imagination. In any case if it has, he might as well play along and try to help his buddy out.

To help preserve his partner's good health, the dragonborn decides to petition Zehir for his aid before proceeding to charge his flail into the box that is stopping him from reaching his partner. No box, eccentric as it may be, will keep him from his only friend in the world for very long.

Shield the Villainous on Von B
Divine Mettle to help Von B get out of a "sticky" oh ho ho situation
ACTION POINT!
Charging Ardent strike to Chesty LaRue
14 damage to Chesty


:cmb:

Cyrus releases a most powerful and toxic wind from the core of his being. How odd; he had not intended to cast a spell at this juncture. Perhaps he had swallowed some of that delicious-looking oil as well. The box to his west turns a distinct greenish color.

Whirlwind centered on self.
10 damage to Chesty (after resistance); Chesty... knocked prone?

Try as he might, Cyrus cannot pull free of the mimic's tendrils — despite being covered in oil. Things were looking grim. His best hope was to try for the ol' switcheroo...

Action Point, Second Wind. Since I used an Area attack at melee range, I should have provoked AoOs. If I SURVIVE those, and one of them misses, use the baffling cape power to switch places with the one that missed.

:plant:

Chesty's AoO actually doesn't happen, ignore that. Sorry Pang but it doesn't occur at all, rather than just misses. :(

Boxy continues his dirty molestation. How unfortunate! Sticky grossness where the sun don't shine.

Sustain Standard, 15 damage to Cyrus.

Chesty is not far behind.

Back to goop, ...stand...up? Slam vs Cyrus. Very miss!

The man who just vamoosed confuses BOXY BROWN OF INTERNET TOWN though, so lickety split he's BACK TO BOX MODE

Boxy is a floor tile now, and at AC9 because I didn't move him and Zerg made a tiny booboo

As Skills said, i made a mistake. Mimic A remains at AC9. As such there can be no opportunity attack of any kind - Slam is melee 1, while Mimic B can't attack while in object form.

Our protagonists are quick to recover from the ambush. Smothas Beegraks immediately beseeches Zehir's assistance, raining down a necrotic spell on any who dare molest his buddy. For his part, Cyrus takes a calculated risk, and successfully teleports away from the ooze-like creature grabbing him. His exertions have caused some of the thick-as-molasses oil to thin out.

DC to shake off being covered in oil reduced by 2. A saving throw roll of 17+ will end it.

SEQUENCE OF EVENTS:
Ardent Strike: 4 damage to B.
Whirlwind: 10 damage to B.
Sustain Crushing Tendrils: 15 acid damage to Cyrus.
Slam vs Cyrus misses, but B takes 6 necrotic damage due to Shield the Villainous.
Cyrus swaps places with B via teleportation, breaking A's grab.

:savepoint: Beegraks, Von Brandt, ROUND 3: Object Mimics

Cyrus von Brandt: 2/59 (5/7 surges) - Stone Hide, +1 Token x1
Smothas Beegraks: 78/78 (11/13 surges) - +1 Tokens x3

Now here's a predicament. What with the somewhat obscured lighting in this part of the hall, it's kind of hard to tell which blob is the magic man and which is the one trying to swallow him. That oil covering Von Brandt does indeed give him a similar texture to their foes. Only one way to find out where the line between the two blobs is drawn.

Let's feel it out!

Lecherous hands on Von Brandt

Now somewhat certain where his friend is in all this goo, Beegraks proceeds to take out one of his trusty hammers and chucks it just over where the mass that is purportedly Von B. ends.

get out one of them thar hammers
Chuck into da goo using Giant's Throw

As his hammer is absorbed into the goo that is Chesty LaRue and eventually settles, he ponders the effectiveness and thoughtfulness of such an attack long and hard.

:cmb:

Much as he had always wondered what it would be like to have a chest of treasure return his loving embrace, Cyrus was beginning to find the experience tiresome. Rifling through his cloak for anything that might disentangle him from this silly situation, his hand falls upon a small orb that he'd forgotten he had. Smiling, von Brandt produces it with a flourish.

'twas a holdover from his erstwhile days in the dangerous field of arcane machinery. In practice little more than a black iron sphere filled with gunpowder, Cyrus had imbued it with little mechanical legs and an extremely primitive intellect. He called it Bob. With a sad smile, Cyrus winds the little key on Bob's back and sets him on the floor. Bob waddles away toward his target, happy to serve.

http://www.saxypunch.com/miscimg/bob.jpg

Cyrus takes a step back. Or six steps.

The resulting blast is more effective than he could have ever anticipated. A single tear rolls down his cheek as he watches his old project erupt in flames.

Lightning Shift to AA3
Thunder Bob-Omb to AB10
Missed Boxy. Good Timing? Man this is a risk.
Crit vs Chesty. 36 damage, and Chesty loses any resistances (save ends).
Hit vs Boxy. 21 damage.

:plant:

Chesty is all too enamoured with his little black ball friend. Shame about that temper of his though.

"Sacrebleu~. Mon ami, how dare you slap me~. OH HO HO"

Squeeze (Horray goop form, no AoO~) Chesty into AA-5

Crushing Tendrils on Pang. Miss. Shitcock!

Shaking off Bob's whackiness proved effective, but otherwise he's still a touch too knackered to molest Cyrus again.

Not so much from the other corner, though.

"BOXY BROWN IS TIRED OF HIDING. MAKE WAY MOTHERFUCKERS. YEEHAW TOBY KEITH."

Boxy back to hoop hoop being a goop.

Boxy goop squeeze to AA-6.

Ravening Maw on Cyrus! Hit!
19 damage. Slowed. (Save Ends)

Fail that recharge. LIKE A BOSS

Suddenly, the Frenchmanblob gets an idea. he's not going to sit about being useless. TRANSFORMMMMMMM

Transmogrify Chesty into a.... WALL. Shit yeah it's seperatin you two dudes time.

(Zerg did you count the successful grab and feel on Cyrus from the last attack round)

All this goop oozing around is starting to make Beegraks' head spin. As he tries to regain his composure, he notices that suddenly he has completely lost sight of the magic man. Not only that, but the path he came from seems to have vanished into thin air, or rather, into a wall.

As he is about to start wallowing in despair, he suddenly remembers something that he overheard a traveling merchant saying to a gathered crowd whilst he was hiding in some nearby bushes:

"Friends, life in these dungeon-y times can be trying on even the best of us. Do you ever feel like you've lost your way? Does your age make it seem like there are walls where there were no walls before? Despair no more friends, for the solution is clear. These new acid flasks have a more powerful wall disintegrating formula which will make even the most obstructed paths clear for passage as they were on the day they were first plowed. Yes friends, these new acid...."

Having gleened the necessary information from his recollection, the pin-brained reptilian springs into action. Not necessarily too keen on the difference between acid and poison, the dragonborn wastes no time in spewing his putrid stench on the wall and consequently the blob in front of it.

Dragonbreath towards them thar goops
Resurgent smite on Boxy
19 damage to Boxy

Seeing no change whatsoever in the wall, Beegraks concludes that either the merchant was lying or there something that doesn't quite make it in his breath. Hence, it's gotta be that lying merchant. This doesn't stop him from laying his flail into the ooze that sits next to the wall. His trusty flail seems much more reliable in the domain of goop splattering than the wimpy hammer he'd previously tried (and some would say succeeded a little too well) to lay into the goop pile.

:cmb:

(deprecated)

SHIT

SORRY BUDDY MIGHT AS WELL GO OUT FIGHTING

Shift to AA5, Miss with Slam vs Cyrus, Transform back into wall shape.

For a strange moment, Cyrus feels consciousness leaving him as the paladin's foul halitosis clogs his lungs. But 'twas not so. If he had to die from a poisonous blow job, he'd do it in the luxurious murder-bordellos of Thay, like his grandfather and his great-grandfather before him.

There were probably wiser things to do in this situation, but the nauseating stench of Beegraks' half-digested last meal still clogged his nostrils and made him dizzy. This was no time for the complex machinations of a magus. No time for cunning works of dazzling spellcraft.

This was stabbin' time.

...Cyrus immediately regrets his decision to initiate Stabbin' Time. Perhaps it was not yet stabbin' time after all. It might be that it's only Fail O'Clock, or even half past stupid. It's hard to keep track of the time, down here in the tunnels.

Strut over to AA5
Stab that mimic (w/ Ensorcelled Blade)
Fail at it
Glare at Beegraks, like, super hard. Like, pretending I have laser eyes that's how hard I am glaring.

:plant:

LET US PRETEND POST#142 AND 143 DO NOT EXIST!

Sequence of Events:

Cyrus' Thunder Bomb: 36 damage to Chesty, bloodied; 11 damage to Boxy.
Beegrak's Opportunity Attack: 12 damage to Chesty
Chesty's Crushing Tendril misses, but Chesty takes 6 necrotic damage and dies.
Boxy's Ravening Maw deals 19 damage and slows misses Cyrus; Boxy takes 6 necrotic damage.
Dragon Breath hits Cyrus for 8 poison damage; Cyrus sanctioned and unconscious.
Resurgent Smite: 19 damage to Boxy, bloodied. Cyrus regains 14 HP.

The day's exertions have finally taken their toll. Chesty LaRue takes one flail whack, one bob-omb too many, that his molecular integrity finally fails

~Zut alors! I 'ave been undone! Avenge me, mon camarade!~~~~~

Which Boxy Brown was only happy to heed. Working together with Smothas Beegraks (who was evidently moved), the pair sent the half-elf peacefully into slumberland. At least, that's what they would have done had Tiamat not smile on the sorceror and granted him purchase from Boxy's big jaws.

Horrified by his careless emotions made him do, the dragonborn sends his flail flying into the object mimic. It impacts with a satisfying SPLOTCH, sending bits of Boxy flying in every direction. Despite his current anger towards his careless friend, Cyrus can't help but feel a stirring in his loins at his partner's valor. It distracts him so much that his dagger jab at the box was made only half-heartedly.


:savepoint: Object Mimic, Beegraks, Von Brandt (oily), ROUND 5: Object Mimic

Cyrus von Brandt: 29/59 (4/7 surges) - +1 Token x1
Smothas Beegraks: 78(5)/78 (11/13 surges) - +1 Tokens x5

BOXY MAD. ARGLEDEBARGLE SHIT BE GETTIN ALL REAL AND NOW IT AIN'T.

He resigns to his fate. Wasn't it true the black man always died in these situations? Perhaps he can get one more chomp in before calling it quits.

Bite vs Cyrus. Hit this time, at least
11 damage.

Having no better ideas, Boxy transforms into a sexy Venus de Milo statue.

Poof! Shimmy shimmy and shake shake. BAM.

DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY

Divine Sanction! 6 necrotic damage to Von Brandt (he attacked something other than Beegraks :tpg:)


:savepoint: Beegraks, Von Brandt (oily), ROUND 5: Object Mimic

Cyrus von Brandt: 12/59 (4/7 surges) - +1 Token x1
Smothas Beegraks: 78(5)/78 (11/13 surges) - +1 Tokens x5

This blob isn't fooling anybody any longer. Beegraks, finally catches on that the objects that are suddenly materializing in front of him are really just the blobs trying to trick him. Well, no more.

Valorous smite on Boxy swing and a miss
Divine Challenge on Boxy

Still, the blob's chosen form this time is enough to distract the smotherer-bandit enough that his flail goes way wide of its mark.

:cmb:

Cyrus prepares to finish the battle with a breathtaking whirlwind of sandy sand sand sand. Sand.

BUT HE REALIZES: The sand will also hurt Beegraks, his boon companion, who had never done a thing to hurt —

Oh wait, right. Fuck that guy. :mad:

Boxy ESCAPES SAND VENGEANCE
Beegraks takes 23 SAND DAMAGE (totes by accidents man serious)
Loooooool

:plant:

Is that scaly man TAUNTING Boxy Brown? Why it looks like it. BOXY BROWN TAKES OFFENSE TO SUCH THINGS.

BROTHER WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THAT

Wonderbox powers activate. Form of...GOOP.

Ravenous Maw vs Eddie Lizard over there.
Hit I think, don't know his defenses. If hit, 18 damage, slowed.

As the statue returns to its goop form, Beegraks prepares to end its goopy reign of goopness. There is a limit to the amount of gelatine the dagonborn can digest in a day, and he went past that limit back when Cyrus decided to bath in it. This ball of goo is just reminding him of the sickness he's been feeling since, and it's about time it quit that.

Perhaps this flail could be of use in helping Boxy learn when to quit?

Divine Challenge on Boxy
And now the Villainous Strike

Yet again, the dragonborn strikes out. But then, does anyone really expect him to hit anything anymore?

:cmb:

Cyrus crouches down beside the mimic for a little heart-to-heart.

"Listen, lil' buddy. You're in the way. Now, you've got your own life and your own goals. I understand that. But I'm the protagonist. Surely you can see that. I have a unique appearance, whereas you look exactly like your dead friend there. I know this is a lot to deal with, but you're obviously just chattel to slow us down on our route to — well, I don't know. Me, I'm mostly seeking ale and whores. And Beegraks, well, he seeks... scaly whores. And possibly scaly ale. You know how it gets when you've left a pint out on the table for a week or two while you're out on business, and when you come back there's this stink and this foul crusty stuff is growing on top? That's scaly ale. The dragonborn view it as a delicacy. I made all that up just now, but who are you to contradict me? You're just a squishy thing that pretends to be a box. What do you know? All you can do is try to hug people with your face, and you're shit-poor at that. Scuttle off and die now, there's a lad."

And with that, the box completely died immediately, for reals.

Eyebite Boxy (as Melee, Blade Channeling)
CRIT! 26 damage.

Cyrus leans closer for a tete-a-tete with the doomed mimic, presenting his handsome face as an enticing target to the bloodied Boxy Brown. It is happy to oblige, though its attack is brushed away by the slick oil still covering the sorcerer's face. The attempt brushes away quite a bit of the slick, but the protective goo still covers the half-elf somewhat.

After Cyrus' Turn: DC to shake off being covered in oil reduced to normal. A (voluntary) saving throw of 10+ will end it.

Sequence of Events:

Searing Sands: 23 damage to Beegraks; Cyrus concealed from him
---- ROUND FIVE ----
Ravening Maw vs Beegraks: 18 damage; slowed (save ends)
Eyebite vs Boxy: 26 damage; Cyrus concealed from it

:savepoint: Boxy Brown, Beegraks, Von Brandt (oily), ROUND 7 (as if)

Cyrus von Brandt: 12/59 (4/7 surges) - +1 Token x2
Smothas Beegraks: 42/78 (11/13 surges) - +1 Tokens x7

Boxy is touched by the speech. Taking a lot of it to heart, he finds himself unwilling to put much effort into his chomp time.

Slam vs Dragonborn. Miss

Disheartened, he transforms one last time.

http://mmii.info/icons/lightspeeddas...tatueMario.gif

Beegraks finally comes to a stop after spinning like a wild man from his last flail swing, and he barely takes time to stabilise himself before starting up another one. Thank Zehir for that dragonborn low-center of gravity, and for Beegraks' unusually dense skull.

Renew Challenge
Villainous spinning strike
13 damage to Boxy (before DR)

That first turn must have given Beegraks extra velocity, because this time Boxy doesn't have the necessary reaction time to get out of the way.

:cmb:

"Box, you are a fool to resist my command. Now you will suffer the eternal torments that my magecraft can bring to bear! STEEL YOURSELF FOOL, FOR I SHALL —"

And then Cyrus punched the mimic. Baffo.

"HOW'S THIS? HOW DO YOU LIkE IT LIKE THIS?"

Ensorcelled Blade
15 damage
Die already dang

Cyrus' mighty punch sends Boxy Brown reeling -- it slams against the wall lever with a splut. Its goopy remains slowly dribble into the ground.

Who knew that a couple of boxes would prove to be so damaging? Indeed, with Beegraks still poisoned by his meal, the odds of our evil protagonists surviving the day grow ever slimmer.

:savepoint: Victory! :savepoint:

Enforced Short Rest. Do whatever you want.

Finally the blobs have subsided. as he slowly starts walking back down the hall towards the final possible exit from this hall of blobs and bones, Smothas' feels somewhat refreshed and ready to go back in action, although his nausea still hasn't subsided.

"Let's just hope the magic man's magic-rock-smoking-inspired insanity is gone."

The dragonborn thinks to himself. If only he were so lucky. Then again, Beegraks is starting to feel a bit wacky himself. It might be the mix of nausea and the confined space that are getting to him, or it just might be that his attention span isn't that great to begin with.

Use one surge to recoop a bit
Pull lever at U3 (that is, if we haven't done that yet)
Observe effects
Walk over to O3 and peek down the hall

:cmb:

After taking a breather, Beegraks tromps over to the last unpulled lever. Leave no levers unpulled, or so goes his motto.

But not so fast. He sees some writing etched in the wall right next to the lever. It reads:

EMERGENCY SKELETON TRAP DEACTIVATOR

The dragonborn pauses at this, pondering whether he should still pull it or not.

His hand's on the lever, folks. You know what's coming...

"Oh what's this? EMU... LEMER.....
EMERGENT!
Yes that's right. Now on to the next on... SCALE... SKALAKON...
SKANK!
Hum... TRA... RAT... RAMP...
RAP?
One more huh... and it's a big one too...
...
...
Wait, I've seen this one before! It's REPLICATOR!
...
..
So... this... is... an... EMERGENT SKANK RAP REPLICATOR?..."

Now here's a pickle. Beegraks, knows what most of these words mean seperately... but together they seem to suggest something that he's not sure he wants to see materialized. He recalls the one time he'd seen a skank rap and he's not sure he wants more of it. He could go for a bit of the female type companionship, and it wouldn't be the first time he ripped out vocal chords to shut a bitch up.

All this thinking is starting to hurt Beegraks' head, and there hasn't been enough lever pulling going on since the goo balls interrupted the duo's last session.

Most definitely pulls that lever

:cmb:

Beegraks was like Oooh a leeeever that replicates emergent skank rappers and he pulls the lever and a huge boulder suddenly appears! And it quickly goes towards the Beegraks!

YouTube Video

Beegraks was too slow! And he got squashed by the rock! And the rock hit him and squashed him and knock him to the ground and went on rolling! And it hit the wall with a big CRASH and then the rock broken and it dead!

13 damage to Beegraks. Prone (but really it doesn't matter here).

well, that certainly wasn't what the dragonborn expected, but after all the lever pulling he's done today, he really isn't too surprised at what just happened.

He takes a moment to lick his wounds before standing up.

use another Healing surge
get up stand up

:cmb:

Beegraks quickly recovers from rocksquash, and struts over to the last unexplored passage. He is greeted by a slab of rock that has somehow opened inwards (thanks, unbeknownst to him or his partner, to their synchronous lever-pulling shenanigans.) The new room, illuminated in a more unnatural hue of blue, continues to the left and the right.

"A BLUE THING? I DEMAND TO CONTROL IT, BECAUSE — I'm a selfish ass, let me through."

Wear (either) mimic as a hat
Reapply oil to self
Charge into new room at top speed
Deliberately pratfall; engage Slip 'n Slide Mode
Pull any levers found there, one after another, with no regard

The still-bloodied sorcerer takes a dabbing of Chesty Larue's goopy corpse and rubs it all over his hair. He then reapplies his coat of oil, and rushes full-tilt into the room Beegraks glimpsed. The overenthusiastic half-elf slams uncontrollably into the marbly masonry of the passage wall with a loud thud.

Cyrus picks himself up as his impact reverberates throughout this... underground labyrinth? tomb? temple? - the roof was much higher than the cave he was in. They can't be above ground, after all. It's not possible at all.

He looks around for any levers to pull - there was none in sight. A set of ascending stairs to the left connect to the corridor Cyrus is currently in, but the path is blocked by a stone wall.

This wall contrasts considerably with the surrounding marble paneling, and reaches all of forty feet into the ceiling. An enchantment covers the otherwise mundane-looking wall - the arcane practitioner could feel the faint traces of magic calling to him.

To his right, the passage continues on a downward slope, branching off to the right some seventy feet away. A plain wooden chest lies at the corner. It looks similar to the wooden chest he's caught sight of in the cave a few minutes back, but never bothered to open.

Since the magic man seems set on taking all of Beegraks' lever pulling fun away, and since he does run a lot faster than the bulky paladin, Beegraks decides to go back and open the chest that he suddenly remembers having laid eyes upon but not opening because of Cyrus' sudden brush in with a ball of bones.

Go and open chest at M6

:cmb:

Beegraks opens a chest! He finds something strange inside: a horrible looking mask that strikes fear into even him.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/Skull-Mask.jpg

A couple of parchment scraps line the bottom of the chest. They look identical to the ones from the vase that the Dragonborn pocketed earlier.

Looking into the chest, Beegraks gets an idea that is a bit more brilliant than his usual fare. First stuffing the scraps of paper into his bag with the ones he had picked up before, and he then dons the Skull Mask before enacting the next part of his plan.

Equip Skull Mask
Sneak up on Cyrus
Peek-a-boo!

:cmb:

Cyrus stumbles to his feet, woozy from the collision. "Beegraks, take care! Your bones are attempting to escape, just as mine did! Even now, your skull is protruding from your face. Shove it back in, man! SHOVE IT BACK IN!"

Despite his alarm, von Brandt was suddenly suspicious of the dragonborn. Though his skull was clearly rebelling, it was obviously a human-like skull. Could Beegraks' claim of being dragonborn be a mere ruse? Perhaps this was another of the arena's hated doppelgangers, sent to stop his mission to rescue himself. He'd have to keep his eye on the paladin. Still, if it were true, it meant the fiends were truly careless; they'd failed to even ward their own servants against their diabolical skeleton curse.

Such new dangers required a new caution. Hacking away at the empty chest, Cyrus painstakingly pulls away the lid. Strapping it to his arm with a length of rope, Cyrus makes for himself a poor-quality buckler. One cannot be too heavily armored in such grim situations.

Thus girded, he peers down the corridor to the east of the chest.

:plant:

Beegraks gleefully dons his new toy, carefully putting away his helm of opportunity in his pack. Unfortunately, Cyrus would prove harder to scare than he hoped.

Still, one can't be too careful in a dungeon where your bones would leap out of your body at the slightest provocation. The sorcerer fashions himself a makeshift shield, and soldiers on deeper into the maze. A flimsy wooden lid will not last too long in combat, but every little bit helps.

+1 bonus to AC. Shatters after absorbing 1 attack vs. AC.

The Half-Elf cautiously peeks around the corner, adrenaline surging through his evil veins (and spurting out through his open wounds). An inanimate suit of armor, standing a fair distance away, stares right back at him. The path forks in two directions, on either side of the armor. Bright yellow light shines out of the turn at Cyrus' right side.

"Oh hey Magic Man, I think maybe we should look at this, could be important. You seem to know a bit more about this hocus-pocus stuff than I do, maybe you can figure it out."

The dragonborn says as he takes out the parchment scraps and tries to put them into the correct order. What does it all mean?

:cmb:

Cyrus stares at the scraps. He frowns. He rubs his chin for a moment. He shuffles the scraps around a bit (wiping the oil from his hands onto his trousers first). He grimaces, and his brow is wracked by mighty ideas.

"Do you think—", he begins, and cuts himself off, lost in thought. "Maybe they're bingo chits. We just have to find the bingo hall, friend. And a hat to draw the chits from. Well, a clean hat. Mine won't do at all. And also we will need 10-25 pensioners from which to collect entry fees. And then — then, dear Beegraks! We shall profit by it."

Arcana Check on the scraps. Doubt Cyrus learned anything, though.

Putting the scraps aside for a moment, Cyrus hurries over to the suit of armor. Tossing aside his dead mimic chapeau, he seizes the helmet from atop the armor and plonks it upon his own head.

"You see? Providence has already granted us the fine headgear we required. Surely we're on the right track!"

:plant:

Cyrus examines the scraps his erstwhile partner handed to him. There isn't anything magical about them. They appear to contain instructions of some kind, but there doesn't seem to be enough pieces to fit into a coherent whole yet. Well over half appear missing.

But more importantly, Von Brandt espies a promising new set of headgear. Rushing over to the suit of armor, he pulls off the helm with great difficulty. It's certainly well-made, to say the least.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/layeredhelm.jpg

The passage branching to the left is blocked by a barred double door. A pouch is fixed beneath a sign nailed to one of the doors. The sign reads:

To proceed, make offering.

From his vantage point, Cyrus sees a gold and a silver chest on the right branch of the passage. A torch affixed low on the passage wall provides much brighter illumination than the high-mounted everburners in previous corridors.

As he gathers up the scraps again, Beegraks heads to the chest he passed to join up with Cyrus and inspects it thoroughly before opening it.

Beegraks opens another chest. What did he find inside?

Beegraks picks up the contents of the chest and heads over to Cyrus, who seems to be having some sort of conversation with the big metal man at the end of the hall. What he would be doing standing around in a place like this completely escapes the dragonborn's understanding, until he spots the two chest in the small passage next to him. Since the magic man doesn't seem too concerned with such material things as treasure chests and their contents (well, maybe just the contents, as he seems to be quite interested in box lids), Beegraks heads over to the chests quietly to avoid the metal man's attention and examines them carefully. These do not seem like ordinary chests, so the loot they contain must be extra shiny.

Head over to chests
Check for traps
If negative on the traps, try to open the silver one, if it is locked, try the keys

:cmb:

Taking advantage of Cyrus' distraction, Beegraks stealthily tiptoes into the treasure chest room for more looting and plundering. There were three chests in the tiny alcove, none of which were locked or booby-trapped.

The scaly scalawag flips the lid of the silver sarcophagus, only to see.... nothing inside. The lid's underside is etched with a mysterious number:


A wheedling voice, quite faint at first, begin to speak the moment Beegraks opens the chest. The whisper soon escalated a deafening tirade.

FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME!!!

The dragonborn, upon hearing the deafening screams, promptly closes the lid with his elbow while plugging his ears, peeks over at Cyrus to see if he's noticed anything, and moves on to opening the golden sarcophagus.

Beegraks hurriedly slams the silver chest shut. Its greedy screams were grating on his nerves.

Briefly sweeping his eyes suspiciously over the copper and silver-plated chests, his arms close around the gold chest lid, and he sweeps it open with great speed.

Empty again. Except for:



GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

"Oh boy. What is it with chests being so annoying in this place? First, two boxes attack us and now these boxes are demanding nourishment. What does a box eat anyway?"

Beegraks thinks to himself as he repeats his previous gesture with the gold and copper chests. It is quite odd that Von Brandt has not come over to see what all the hoopla is yet. His conversation with the big metal man must be of the intense sort.

:cmb:

Replacing the gold chest lid, Beegraks prudently stoppers his ears before opening the third and final chest. As expected, there is yet again some numbers carved on the lid's underside.


A single platinum coin lies inside the chest. It is strangely silent, although the Dragonborn could swear he's hearing a tiny whisper directed at him: "Please sir, I want some more." It is probably his imagination though.

Cyrus was quite distracted indeed, taken as he was with the glorious armor before him.

"I am no coward, but it has come to this", he mutters. "In these dark times, my physical frailty must not be allowed to slow me in my quest for freedom and vengeance. Though this armor be both heavy and clumsy, its infinite durability cannot be denied."

Thus determined. Cyrus dons the layered platemail.

Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind?
Can he walk at all
Or if he moves will he fall?

"Behold, dragonborn!", he shouts, his victorious roar echoing from within the mighty helm.

"I AM IRON BRANDT."

And with that, the Invincible Iron Brandt rips the pouch from the door and proceeds to hammer away at it with his mailed fists. Offerings were for lesser men.

The oil covering Cyrus von Brandt has all but dripped off after he strenuously dons the plate armor. Finally however, the simpering sorcerer is transformed anew into an armored avenger, ready to strike evil into the hearts of every do-gooder out there!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/Iron-Brandt.png
Heh. Who would have thought cloth armor, after all your feats and magic, is better than plate.

The Invincible Iron Brandt rips off the offering pouch - eighteen platinum pieces clatter into the ground. He batters the door with his fists, but receives no reply for his trouble, save for a small dent on the doors that is growing bigger with every hit.

Beegraks is somewhat puzzled by what he has just experienced with the boxes. Not quite sure what to do about it, he decides to go back and see his partner in crime to see if he has any ideas. Instead of seeing the magic man, he only sees the big metal man banging on the door up the hall. As he looks around for Cyrus, Beegraks notices the platinum pieces on the floor and decides to pick them up as sneakily as possible, so the big metal man won't notice him.

After quite a bit of pondering, Beegraks gets an idea and decides to put it into action.

He starts by adding three platinum pieces into the copper sarcophagus.
Then, he opens the gold sarcophagus and puts in ten platinum pieces quickly before closing it again.
Finally, he repeats the operation by placing the five remaining pieces into the silver sarcophagus.

Quite proud of himself for doing so much complicated reasoning in one go, Beegraks takes a moment to relax his very tense brain.

:cmb:

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Despite Beegraks' fears, the chests gulp down the platinum pieces with good manners and right conduct. Politely suppressing a burp, the gold chest finally speaks up.

Thank you very much, kind sir!

A bright flash fills the room, forcing the dragonborn to shield his delicate eyes. When the light subsided, the boxes were nowhere to be seen. And neither was Cyrus, for that matter. The suit of armor appeared to have gobbled him up without Beegraks noticing.

The keys Beegraks pocketed earlier now pulse with magical energy - it doesn't take an arcanist to notice; the glow was a giveaway. At the same time, a new scent comes to the dragonborn's nose. Smells like... a ripe gutter.

More importantly however, the doors Iron Brandt was pounding earlier are now open. There was someone on the other side, the oddest goblin the pair has ever seen:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.png Well hello-ooo there. Finally gotten past it, have you? Good, good. You know, you've been making so much noise. I could not concentrate, you know.

The strange goblin pauses, looking intently at the Dragonborn.

You know, you're perfect. Yes yes, just what I need. Come with me, you won't regret it you know? You can leave your tin toy here, you know.

He gestures towards the back of the passage, pointing towards the room towards the far end to Beegraks' left.

Beegraks is still somewhat confused by everything that just happened. The magic man seems to have been swallowed up by the big metal man from earlier. He thinks to himself that luck is not his companion's biggest asset, as since waking up in this cave he's first had his bones taken out of his body and attack him, was then nearly transformed into a goo puddle, and now he's been encased in a metal prison.

This goblin fellow seems like he has something up his sleeve. Beegraks peeks into the room which the little green man has gestured towards carefully, and he keeps his eyes open for anything that might give away the little man's intentions. The dragonborn's headache from all that complicated adding and dividing of things is still very much present, and he's in no mood to play around.

"Why do you want me to go in there alone little man? And why don't you want the magic metal man to follow me in there? And while we're at it, do you have any clue how we wound up in here? I suggest you consider your answers carefully."

Observe the goblin for any sign of deception
If the little man won't spill the beans, try to intimidate him

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.png Wait, wait wait wait... hold it! You say there's a magic man inside that metal? That's even more perfect, you know! I have this project, you know? Been working on it for many cycles now. I just need a little bit of help, you know, and it'll be all finished. Yes yes. Say you'll help, please please please, both of you?

There're two ways you can get in here, you know. Dig your way in like grave robbers, or go through a teleportation circle. You don't look that dirty, you know? Haven't been digging, yes? Someone must have pushed you into a teleporter, yes? Just like me. Oh wait, no. I came here voluntarily, you know?

Come, come! Come with me. Come with Smarno Bonnor!

Opposed Insight Check: 24 vs 21, success (see previous post for bluff roll).
Intimidation Check: failure.

Beegraks glares intently at Smarno, looking for any sign of deception. The goblin doesn't seem to be lying outright, although he's probably not telling the whole truth either.

"Hudda hudda huh. Hut, hut."

Running start to build up momentum
FAIL TO Punt Smarno down the hallway

"Hrmph. Well, just, uh, my foot slipped, there. Lead on, tiny person. But beware: if any tricks are afoot—"

Cyrus claps his steel gauntlets together, as though squashing a bug.

Intimidate: 18
Follow him wherever he wants to go

:plant:

If Beegraks was still unsure wether or not Cyrus had in fact been absorbed into the big metal man, he could have no doubt after seeing his most recent antics. He should have known that no cave dwelling spirit could nullify the magic man's inexplicable will.

Since the goblin doesn't seem to have any tricks planned for the immediate future, The dragonborn decides to go along with his plans for now.

:cmb:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngTricks? No no no no no! Smarno is offended you say he's a trickster, you know. But I'll forgive you if you come this way!

And so, the green goblin leads the pair through the corridor -- past a small room with an ornate wooden chest (I could never open it, you know. Needs some kind of key!) and a room stacked to the brim with corpses (Raw materials! Forgot to clean up, sorry!)

Finally, Smarno stops in front of another room.

Please! Enter!

The stone tiles of the last room are flecked with bloodstains, and the walls are littered with cobwebs. Iron Brandt could vaguely detect some traces of magic somewhere close by.

Beegraks, on the other hand, is more concerned with the corpse room. Ever since his swamp slaughter, he's never seen a body count as high as this. It is beautiful! Truly a fine work of art!

Although, the Dragonborn is slightly unsettled at the slight movement he could detect. Was it just settling. Or are some of these unfortunates still alive? If so, the goblin clearly needs more practice.

"A locked chest you say? Could you show it to me before we follow you to wherever it is you want us to go?"

Beegraks asks the little green man, remembering the two keys he found while dealing with the screaming boxes.

Try to open the treasure box with them thar keys

:cmb:

"TREACHERY!"

Something was squirming amidst the corpses. Iron Brandt could appreciate a good slaughter, but something was clearly alive in there. Obviously it was more goblins, planning to flank them from behind once this Smarno had lowered their guard.

Though suspicious, Iron Brandt proceeds into the bloodstained chamber. It was possible that the goblin was only acting incredibly suspicious because he didn't know any better. Iron Brandt had been there. Involuntary Suspiciousness Syndrome was no laughing matter.

Back into bloodstained room while keeping an eye on Smarno
Arcana check

:plant:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngNo no no, don't go in there. It stinks, you know?

Despite the goblin's best persuasion, Iron Brandt strides purposefully into the corpse room. His paranoid instincts tell him that their erstwhile host was planning an ambush; he cannot be dissuaded from investigating.

How right he was!

(Sigh) I had hoped it wouldn't have come to this. Rulk!!!

A large meaty hand blasts right through the mound of corpses, sending gore and body parts flying everywhere. The hand's owner draws itself to its full length of eight feet. The gigantic monstrosity is entirely made out of corpses.

Gentlemen? Meet the project. I had hoped to incorporate your bits and pieces with Rulk peacefully. As you can see, he's a gigantic red monster. I need bile, you see. Yellow humour from living beings. Need to stain him green. i mean, Who's ever heard of a red hulk?

Now abandoning all pretense of jocularity, Smarno prepares for combat.

Anyway! Rulk, smash!

------------------

Defenses:
Smarno: AC 22 Fort 21 Ref 22 Will 20
Rulk (Decrepit Flesh Golem): AC 20 Fort 23 Ref 18 Will 19

Terrain considerations: Corpse room is entirely difficult terrain.

:savepoint: Cyrus (24), Rulk (15), Smothas (7), Smarno (4)

His suspicions were confirmed. Smarno was up to no good. Not that Iron Brandt was up to any good either. It could be argued, von Brandt mused, that Smarno was, incidentally, up to some good by the pure accident of standing in the way. The whole thing smelled of a setup, though. What kind of name was "Smarno Bonnor"? Clearly a pseudonym. Some kind of anagram, probably. "Morons Rob Ann"? Could be. Beegraks had robbed a lot of women of one thing or another. "Non Snob Armor"? Iron Brandt's new duds were certainly quality, but they didn't seem especially snobbish. "Born On Ransom"? Iron Brandt didn't recall ever holding anyone for ransom. On the whole it was faster just to kill the rich people directly.

Iron Brandt's eyes widened as he came to the obvious answer. "Son, Manor Born". He gazed on Beegraks with a new disgust.

"Goblins, man? Really? Have some standards."

Still, it wasn't in von Brandt's blood to hold a man responsible for his philandering. "You can't hold on to the past, boy!", he shouts, ignoring the confused expression on Smarno's face. "Carve your own path! He's a wild man, you can't try to tie him down! Wooooo! Wooooooo yeah!"

Iron Brandt felt that perhaps he had gone somewhat off-message. And so, enabled with greasy fast speed, he rushed over to Smarno and smacked him upside the head. Ah, violently battering a tiny, defenseless creature. Iron Brandt was suddenly nostalgic for the beatings of his youth. Say what you will about old lady von Brandt, she knew how to keep an orderly house.

Lightning Shift to H22
Second Wind
Action Point
Lightning Strike vs Smarno; no line of sight to branch it to Rulk
13 damage to Smarno

:plant:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngI'm a Baron, you know. Casting aspersions on my birth is unforgivable in my book. RULK! SMASH LIZARD. I'LL CRUSH ARMORMAN!

The obedient golem squeezes itself through the door, its long sinewy arms threatening all enemies from eight feet away. Suddenly, its fingers ball into a fist, and slams it right down on Smothas Beegraks.

Slam: +11 vs AC. 2d8+5 damage; target pushed 2 squares.

The dragonborn doesn't even feel it.

Such durability! I simply must have your hide for my project!

:savepoint: Smothas (+1 x8), Smarno, ROUND 2 Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk

Beegraks was pondering how sometimes Von Brandt's genius got simply rendered comprehension of the simplest things almost impossible for the magic man. Otherwise, he would have caught on to the obvious phallic reference of the goblin's pseudonym much earlier on and he wouldn't have wasted so much time thinking about it. Really.

"Bonnor".

That wasn't clear enough for him?

As Beegraks chuckles to himself at the goblin's ill chosen alias, the Rulk's giant hands swing by his face just in time for him to duck under them and swing his flail in retaliation.

Activate Counterstrike Guards power for free swing on the Rulk
Activate Giantkind Gloves encounter power (+2 damage)
9 damage to the Rulk

Beegraks slides swiftly to try and rejoin his companion before swinging his mighty flail at his enemy again. And again. He also spits his rank breath at them for good measure.

Shift to M22
Dragon Breath towards the north east, so as to hit both enemies but not Von B
9 damage to Smarno, sanctionned
Unyielding Faith on Rulk
29 damage to Rulk, sanctionned until the end of the encounter
Action Point! (I gain 5 temp HP thanks to Fireheart tattoo)
Resurgent Smite on Rulk
Had to miss sometime didn't I :erm:

Though he tried to inspire Von Brandt with his final swing, the fact that it went wide of such a big target really didn't help Beegraks' cause.

:cmb:

Beegraks burns brightly in a nova explosion of exploits. But not before narrowly dodging a wayward golem hand, thrown in reaction to his halitosis breath.

Berserk Attack: Immediate reaction. Free slam attack vs. random enemy.
Attack misses due to penalty from squeezing.
Resurgent Smite actually hit due to combat advantage from squeezing. 25 damage; Von Brandt regains 27 HP.
Fuck squeezing. I should've just eaten Beegraks' opportunity attack. :(

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngI don't know why a meat head like you are swinging around that tiny knife. But you just reminded me. I need to get my good mace. Please wait a while, thanks!

With that, Smarno ducks into the doorway, and disappears from Cyrus' view . But not before sustaining a painful wound.

Von Brandt's Opportunity attack deals 7 damage.

:savepoint: Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk, Smothas (+1 x9), Smarno, ROUND 3

"A Baron, huh?" Cyrus thought it through. Baron Mrs. No-No? Nah. That would just be weird.

"Good job beating on that meat.... uh, meat golem. Er, well. You've got the situation well in hand, anyway. I'll go wrestle with that obnoxious little Bonnor."

Something about the situation was making Cyrus feel mildly nauseous.

Dash through the doorway Smarno fled through.
If I see him, attack with Shocking Magnetism
Well, hopefully I don't see him, ha ha

:plant:

Cyrus boldly pursues Smarno Bonnor, the Manor-born Son of Baron Mon Sorn. No Morons Barn in the family, that's for sure. Judging by the goblin's high-pitched cackle however, he's reasonably certain Smarno has no Man Orb nor Son.

As he rounds the corner, a small orange object lands on the floor in front of him. It looks like a vegetable of some sort.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngAha, aha, aha ha ha ha THINK FAST!!!!

Readied Action triggers (attack anyone who pursues)

Pumpkin Bomb: +10 vs. Fortitude. 1d10+4 force damage. Area burst 1 within 10; creates zone.

The resulting explosion was more flash than substance - Iron Brandt has seen worse concussions. Admittedly, the aftereffects of this one are worse than most.

End of Turn in zone: 10 force damage to von Brandt

Rulk wobbles unsteadily after Beegraks' savage attack, moving haphazardly towards the dragonborn and leaving him an opening. He takes it, but immediately regrets it when the creature starts rampaging at him.

Opportunity attack: 12 damage to Rulk.
Golem Rampage: Move at speed; slam against creatures whose spaces are entered.
Critical hit! 21 damage to Beegraks.
Action Point: Slam. Miss.

Beegraks is knocked back, barely dodging a follow-up strike from the raging golem. Rulk straightens into his full height, and trundles slowly towards the smotherer bandit.


:savepoint: Smothas (+1 x9), Smarno, ROUND 3: Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk,

The dragonborn starts reeling from the pain of the golem's immense frame ramming into him, and once again he notices the giant wheel that had once before been spinning over his head.

Spin super fun spin prize fun spin!

He shakes it off and gets right back to swinging his flail at the golem as though it were a fly swatter and the Rulk was one of them big swamp bugs that Beegraks had to deal with on a regular basis for most of his life. This time, he calls Zehir up to ask him for a little bit of assistance.

Divine Strength
Valorous Smite the Rulk
19 damage!
Shift to O23

As his flail rips off another large chunk from the Rulk, Beegraks ducks around the nearest corner in anticipation of the inevitable counter-push. He wonders how Iron Brandt is dealing with the little green pest seeing that they have somehow become separated once again.

"Hey Magic Man! Give him one for me would ya!"

What a good friend. Always so encouraging.

:cmb:

Calling on the power of the interloper god Zehir (who, incidentally is a relatively unknown quantity at present), Beegraks bravely smites the golem. Fully expecting the blowback, he attempts to shift to a corner - but Rulk is too fast. Only sheer luck (or was it Zehir's intercession?) protected him from the worst of the retaliatory attack.

Berserk Attack is an immediate reaction to taking damage, so it resolves after the attack but before your next action. Sorry!

Meanwhile, the Invincible Iron Brandt continues his face-off against the green goblin!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngEhehehehehe, here's another one! Just for you!

And indeed, there's a scrawl ("♥☺♂ Metal Man ♂☺♥") on the strange device Smarno tosses at Von Brandt. Engrossed in trying to read it, the explosion catches Von Brandt by surprise. The metal suit collapses to the ground with Cyrus still in it, stuck in a very compromising situation.

Von Brandt takes 12 force damage. Prone.

Now that's more like it! Now, please stay in that position, and this will be over really soon, promise!

Smarno confidently approaches the fallen sorcerer, brandishing a crude bone mace in one hand. In the other hand, a small instrument is clearly visible.

Oh, this? It's just a little something extra I made for the project! Let's test it, shall we?

Smarno tosses the device towards Iron Brandt, but it abruptly changes direction and zooms outside the door. Homing in towards Rulk, It attaches to its back with a click.

Rulk AC increases by 1. Now AC21 Fort 23 Ref 18 Will 19.


:savepoint: Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk, Smothas (+1 x1), Smarno, ROUND 4:

Iron Brandt picks himself up, snarling with indignation. How dare this little goblin fling bombs at him? Throwing bombs at people for no good reason is totally Iron Brandt's deal. Who was this guy, trying to horn in on his niche? With a snarl, he lifts the visor of his helmet and — promptly vomits directly into Smarno's face. The stench of rotting meat had made him nauseous.

"Let that... ugh. Let that be a lesson to you." Iron Brandt staggers away, hoping his bilious retort had served as an adequate distraction to cover his retreat.

Stand up as minor (Acrobat Boots)
Acidic Implantation vs Smarno. 10 acid damage.
Move to L21
Brush teeth
:plant:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngHmmm, beginning analysis of sample from specimen designate:MagicMeathead. Half-elf, late forties looks like. It looks like I can use this humor for Rulk after all!

Hey, where are you going? Come back here, you!

Iron Brandt, nauseous from the stench of rotten meat, heads towards a creature made entirely of corpse meat. There's nothing like total immersion therapy to fixing a phobia!

Smarno takes a swing at the departing sorcerer, but the mace bounces uselessly on Iron Brandt's makeshift shield. breaking it but doing no further damage.

First attack vs. AC breaks box lid shield.

Meanwhile, Rulk continues slammin' a dragonborn. Why mess up a good thing? The fist flies furious and true; Beegraks finds himself sailing helplessly backward, his back finally impacting a featureless steel door blocking the path.

17 damage to Beegraks.

ENTER PASSWORD.

Who said that? Certainly wasn't the Rulk - it cannot seem to even vocalize anything other than a guttural groan. Perhaps it's just Beegraks' imagination.

Beegraks having been put in his place, the Rulk casts about for the closest threat. Waving its unnaturally long arms about, it slowly advances on the shellhead.

:savepoint: Smothas (+1 x1), Smarno, ROUND 4: Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk,

This cave just keeps getting stranger with every passing minute. Beegraks could swear that after the boxes, it was now the walls that were talking to him. What password could the little green man possibly have set on this door anyway?

Move to O22, passing through P23 to avoid OA
Villainous strike on Rulk
Use +1 token
11 damage to Rulk

Beegraks almost misses with his attack, distracted as he is with talking walls and such. But the Rulk turning his attention towards the metal magic man gives him the opening he needs to rip another pound of flesh from the giant's back.

:cmb:

You can't avoid an OA by going that route against a reach 2 combatant (they suck, don't they? Really hated it when Pang used them, hr hr.). Still, I'm reserving that immediate action for Berserk Attack. Just so you know :tpg:

Beegraks flanks his quarry with the aid of Iron Brandt's distraction. His vicious attack carves out substantial chunks of flesh from the creature's midsection. Having gotten Rulk's undivided attention, the dragonborn gamely accepts a gigantic fist to the face.

Rulk bloodied by Villainous Strike.
11 damage to Beegraks, bloodied. Pushed back 2 squares.

Smarno takes a step outside the door, and promptly throws another strange orange device just in front of Iron Brandt's feet.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngI must admit you're more powerful than most - nobody's ever pushed Rulk like that before. But give it up already. This would be over painlessly if you just cooperate!

Pumpkin Bomb (reflavored Shard Orb) centered on K21.
12 damage to von Brandt, knocked prone. Bloodied.


:savepoint: Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk, Smothas (+1 x1), Smarno, ROUND 5

Cyrus groans, rising unsteadily to his feet and pointedly ignoring the trickle of blood oozing from the joints of his armor.

"Beegraks, you may have noticed that the goblin isn't dead yet. I cannot recall a single previous occasion in all my life when a goblin has survived more than a minute after meeting me, and yet, here we are. It's farcical. I blame myself; but also, and more importantly, I blame you.

As for YOU!" he snarls, rounding on Smarno. "You want to throw bombs? Very well! I declare Bomb Duel, the manliest of all the dueling arts. Ready your bomb, sir, and throw on my mark. I'll count down from ten. Ten. Nine. Eight. Sev— oops, it slipped right out of my hand!"

Iron Brandt staggers into the doorway of the corpse room, muttering bitterly as the thunder bomb erupts behind him. "Fine tombstone it'll be. Here lies Cyrus von Brandt, king of the assholes. Slain by a raging Bonnor."


Stand up (as minor)
Thunder Bomb centered on Smarno. CRIT! 31 damage. Smarno loses any resistances.
LEAP MAJESTICALLY to P20, BORNE ON MAGICAL BREEZES

:plant:

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/green-goblin.pngI-impossible. C-can't.... No, mustn't die here. Not in a place like this.... Rulk, fall back!

Rulk responds to Cyrus' aggression with a fist to the face. Unfortunately for his master, the blow clangs out uselessly against the sorcerer's plate armor. His resolve strengthened, the magic man blasts poor Smarno with the most powerful thunder ball he can muster.

The half-elf punctuates this feat with a magnificent acrobatic leap - sailing clear of the towering golem's head, and landing handily right next to his dragonborn lackey.

Opportunity attack vs Cyrus misses: Divine Sanction! 6 necrotic damage
Bonnor more than bloodied by Thunder Bomb.

Rulk obeys his master, but not before a parting shot at the accursed sorcerer's face. The shot goes wild, however.

The flesh golem gingerly scoops up the goblin like a rag doll, and encases him in a protective hug. Any attack against the goblin will now have to go through him.

Slam vs Cyrus misses.
Smarno will be delaying until after Cyrus' next turn.

:savepoint: Smothas (+1 x1), ROUND 5 Cyrus (+1 x4), Smarno, Rulk,

"Magic Man, why do you have to always be so quick to blame everything on me? I've had about enough of your negative feelings and accusations. I try my best you know! It isn't easy being as bad as I am and still being on top, especially when everyone is out to get me out of jealousy for my handsome face and able hands. You may not believe it but I have feelings too!"

It seems that the dragonborn didn't take well to Cyrus' comments on his abilities. He seems set on clearing his heart of the heaviness that it bears.

"Did you know that I've never even met my parents? That the lizardfolk who raised me where only using me for my strong connection with the great Zehir? I never had a childhood because of them, it was always "You've got to sit around and be worshipped today, you can't go out with the other kids and roll around in the swamp goo. You know you're really lucky to be a chosen such as you are, the other lizards would kill for the chance to live even a day of your life." Well you know what was the first thing I did when I was done eating their flesh and breaking their bones? I went and rolled in the swamp goo. FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS!"

Wow it's really coming out now. It must be all the female hormones that Smothas' has ingested through the years out of his favorite sexual practices that are getting to him.

"Did you know that I let the guard catch me and bring me into the arena, just because I was so tired of living alone in the shadows with no one to talk to or do activities with?"

Looks like the big one is coming...

"DID YOU KNOW THAT I'VE NEVER KNOWN HOW IT FEELS TO LOVE?"

Beegraks is weeping like a little female wyrmling now. He embraces Cyrus and puts his cape in front of them in such a way that their foes cannot see them. He's whispering in Von Brandt's ear now.

"I'm sorry I didn't help you out with the little green man, buddy. I thought you had noticed the big towering collection of flesh pieces that was trying to grind my bones into powdery dragonborn dust. I'm sorry I was so harsh buddy. We're still buddies, right? Right?":bigeyes:

Lecherous hands on Cyrus
Second Wind with Cape of the Walking Wounded for major health recovery

Try to hold back the tears :bigeyes:

With that the dragonborn suddenly feels re-enrgized and ready to take on an army of little green men and giant collections of rotten flesh. Let's hope he'll be able to deal with just one of each first.

:cmb:

Cyrus was a man most secure in his masculinity. Sure, this was mildly awkward, but the important thing was that he got to live. That was always the most important thing. Nobody was witness to Beegrak's embrace except the goblin and his meat golem, and in a few moments neither of them would be talking to anyone ever again. It was important to protect your reputation, after all.

"There, there, big guy. It'll be okay. Once we get out of here, we'll get you some pudding. A big, big bowl of pudding. How does that sound? Here, let's make these mean people blow away. The wind will just pick them up and carry them off. Watch!"

Whirlwind centered I-21 (no exemptions)
18 damage to Smarno and Rulk (+2 damage from gauntlets), and they're both prone

"Well, that one guy is really heavy. The wind is strong, Beegraks, but it is not omnipotent. The important thing is that they hit their heads when they fell down."

:plant:

Smarno opens his mouth to voice his severe discomfort at the lizard's hermaphroditic breakdown, but Cyrus' whirlwind was more than enough to silence the goblin. In this case, permanently, as Smarno's neck cracks after a collision with his special project.

As the flesh golem looks at his dead master, something snaps inside the creature's primitive mind. Rulk stashes the green goblin inside a body cavity, gets on its feet, and charges our antagonists. Von Brandt takes the full force of the impact, and is roughly pushed away by 10 feet.

Meanwhile, Beegraks feels a little tingle of emotion. It's a little shocking really, but probably something he has to get used to should he pursue his relationship with Cyrus.

4 lightning damage to Beegraks for starting next to Cyrus (Shocking Magnetism). :tpg:
Smarno dies a horrible death.
Golem gets up, stashes Smarno in 'pack', and charges Von Brandt culminating in melee basic attack (Slam). 9 damage, blasted back to R21.


:savepoint: Smothas (+1 x2), ROUND 6 Cyrus (+1 x4), Rulk

Seeing the dead Goblin has awakened a part of Beegraks that he had not been in touch with for quite a while now. Seeing that green corpse on the floor, he felt for a moment as though hi was back in Danang, his swampy homeland.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:


The boggy morass with all of its many persistent insects that would keep the fairer skinned races out of his domain, the enchanting aroma of putrid corpses and plants decomposing, and most importantly, the great feast that he had prepared for himself was in front of him once again, all those poor weak lizard people who had tried to harness his connection to the divinity for the better part of his young life. Oh, the sweet music of the young and the women screaming in agony while his claws ripped their flesh, weakened as it was from his toxic regurgitating of the muscle tissue of the defenders of their society, warrior and elder alike falling to the dragon's demented rampage. Then, he would wash it all down with a good tall drink of that delicious, black goo.

Ah, the sounds of crunching bones and organs being ripped from their places of rest only to be devoured by the paladin as so much more fodder to fuel him in his total annihilation of their society, how he had longed to relive that moment in his deepest moments of isolation. Much as he had subsequently enjoyed destroying hamlets and farming concentrations, there was nothing that could compare to that first taste of mass destruction. Perhaps it was the enchanting atmosphere of Danang, or maybe the near cannibalistic experience of eating so much of the flesh of a race of close relatives.

But there was something in the air that made it so very special, that much was clear.






-------------------





"Hey! You big lug! Let go of my lunch!"

Shift to P22
Try and get the pack from the Rulk by swinging my flail at whatever part of its body is holding it with a Villainous Strike
30 damage


The dragonborn really wants his lunch. He really REALLY wants it.

:cmb:

"Giant Corpse Guy, I ask you to stand down. Your master is dead! It is futility, surely, to keep fighting this bloody battle against us, we innocents who wished only to travel through your storied halls. Will you not hear my gentle plea?"

Von Brandt barely keeps his gorge down while delivering this preposterous request. Still, the ol' mesmerism works better if you use a soothing tone of voice. Assuming the old meatsack even had functioning ears. Bit of a gamble, really.

Eyebite Rulk (19 damage and I'm INVISIBLE!)
Wade through corpses to P19

:plant:

Beegraks' relentless flail clangs loudly against Rulk's muscled chest. And then it impacts something... soft. Although the dragonborn didn't see it before the golem's blow-back, a Smarno-shaped chunk flew out the golem's back, striking the ground some twenty-feet away.

The attack threw Rulk into a rampage - its meaty hands catches Beegraks unawares, blasting him backwards. Redoubling its efforts, the golem charges into the dastardly duo. The dragonborn again catches the worst of it; the creature's backhand sends him sprawling closer towards the strange talking door.

Berserk Attack: 16 damage and Beegraks pushed to S22.
Golem Rampage: 9 damage and Beegraks swatted back to Q22. Golem stops at S21:T22.

Where was the hated metal man who singlehandedly killed his beloved master? Rulk could dully hear the man's wheedling voice, but his vocabulary was quite limited. Not that golems have free will, of course. Their arcane creation ties them to the will of their creators.

With vengeance in mind, the golem swoops down the corridor in search of its prey. That metal man couldn't have gotten far, and really, there's nowhere else he can run off to.

Cyrus of course is chuckling to himself, complementing his clever mind for such a successful hide-and-seek game with a golem. Being knee-deep in partially-dissected corpses, probably Smarno's work, doesn't bother him in the least. Mama Von Brandt didn't raise no wussy kids.

Golem moves to Y21:Z22.

Whether you choose to pursue or end the encounter now is entirely up to you. Of course, Rulk would probably go down in the next round anyway :tpg:

:savepoint: Smothas (+1 x2), ROUND 7 Cyrus (+1 x4), Rulk

Beegraks dashes towards the remains of Smarno. How long it has been since he's had this kind of meal he cannot recall, and that will make it all the sweeter.

As he cracks open the goblin's skull and starts feasting on the juiciest part of his meal, an idea hits him like a ton of dead kobolds. He starts carefully carving off the goblin's face with his claws and sticks it onto his skull helmet as best he can. Then, he puts his helmet back on and starts shouting to the Rulk as loud as he can.



Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:

Decidedly, that wasn't the performance of the century. Beegraks' ventriloquist skills were just about as good as his own or Cyrus' social skills. Which is to say shit poor.

But then, the Rulk certainly wasn't a genius either, so it could still go either way.

Head over to Smarno's remains and face steal
Try and coax the Rulk to break down the password door


:cmb:

Beegraks hurries over to examine the Smarno-shaped blob thirty feet away from him. In the six seconds it takes him to close the gap and clear away rotting golem meat from the corpse, Rulk has cleared the corner, his heavy footsteps ever fainter echoing from further southwest.

As the Dragonborn attempt to crack open the green goblin's skull for some delicious food, he's faced with some very odd revelations.

First off, there's hair beneath the goblin's scalp, something most unusual for the race. Second, the goblin's face is extremely rubbery, almost as if it were a mask of some sort. In fact, the face IS a mask; underneath the goblin mask was the face of a halfling. Still very dead from Cyrus' machinations, of course.

Once Beegraks rips off the goblin mask to affix to his skull mask, he sees a metal band encircling Smarno's head. It is resplendent with glowing runes carved in a language the dragonborn doesn't understand. He's seen a similar sort of headband before on some real metal men back in his caravan-raiding days, but never in a creature this size.

He's going to have to wear it himself for a time in order to ascertain its use, the dragonborn rues, as he feasts on fresh halfling brains.


Additional Spam:
Oh yeah, map of the environs:


Pretend there's a goblin corpse in Row L.

Beegraks is rather disappointed at his failure to get the Rulk to obey him, but on the other hand he's got himself a rather handy mask in case other changelings are around. There's no way they'll be able to tell the difference, he thinks.

Though the brains were pretty tasty, the rest of the body is not quite up to the dragonborn's taste, so he takes a few bites here and there and decides it's time to go and find something else to entertain himself with. After picking up the circlet, he remembers the chest that Smarno referred to and immediately heads on over to it to try and open it up.

Use one healing surge
Head over to the chest at W18 and try to open it with the keys


In passing him, Beegraks has a thought for his friend. Maybe this little metal circle thing will help him from having any other parts of his body get loose and attack them?


"Hey Metal Magic... uh... Cyrus, do you want this little circle thing for your head?

:cmb:

"My friend, Cyrus von Brandt never saw a magic hat he didn't want to wear. I've had enough of this tin can, anyway. Scientifically being encased in iron should make me better at fighting, but that wasn't true at all. Science is just charlatanry, Beegraks, charlatanry and hucksterism. I am Iron Brandt no more!"

Remove Plate and switch back to cloth armor
Don circlet, totally heedless of the danger
Rifle through every single corpse until I find something valuable

Beegraks takes a few bites from the halfling's corpse, eventually finding the victuals not as delightful as pink mushy brains. He rips Smarno's metal band from his head, and tosses the desecrated body aside. Smarno's mace and backpack clatter violently on the ground unheeded, as the dragonborn is already fixated on his next target: a magically-sealed chest.

The paladin enters the chest room, and immediately inserts his glowing keys into the lock. Something hums, and the lid clicks open. The chest is brimming with light, it seems.

Beegraks lifts up the lid to get a better look, but was blasted back by a strange force. Ashe picked himself up from the ground, he hears a ghostly voice emanating from within.

If thou desire what lies within
In five straight lines, the orbs must be
Each line with four, no less, no more
Think well, lest misfortune strike thee.

Ten glowing balls of light pop out from the box, landing at Beegraks' feet.

-------

Meanwhile, Cyrus recklessly places a completely unknown object on his head. He feels nothing at first, but a fleeting vision suddenly assault his mind. He's pounding on something. Pounding enthusiastically, almost desperately. But where is he? No sooner than the thought formed in his mind, the vision lifts.

The grave-robbing sorcerer painstakingly combs through the corpses before him, looking for any valuables Smarno might have failed to abscond with. Most of the bodies were evidently stolen from a grave site, as traces of mud and dirt can be found on their clothes.

Still, the decedents though dressed in appropriate burial livery were likely peasants, taking very little treasure with them to the next life.

Cyrus finds:

• 1 set of Footpads
• Scattered copper and silver coins amounting to 20 gold pieces of wealth
• A candle
• A tattered ritual book, with two rituals already inscribed inside

  http://upload.jetsam.org/images/Simb...Conversion.jpg

  http://upload.jetsam.org/images/Fastidiousness.jpg

Beegraks goes back into the hall and is about to call out to Cyrus for help when he suddenly notices the goblin's things on the ground. As short an attention span as he has, the dragonborn immediately ventures of to sift through the goblin's things.

Grab Smarno's mace, and examine his pack and everything in it, taking whatever is useful.

As he is done getting the goblin's goodies, Beegraks remembers the embarassing orb situation and peers into the corpse room, Gesturing at Cyrus to follow him before going back into the orb room to be perplexed some more.

Seriously, this shit's got me racking my brains here. :erm:

:cmb:

The takings were unimpressive, to say the least, but loot was loot. He'd killed men for smaller sums. The vision was of no apparent consequence; Cyrus pounds on things all the time. Pound here, pound there. Pound, pound, pound. For a while, the ladies called him Poundmaster C. For a while. People started to get the wrong idea. Tailors delivering trousers six sizes too big. That's no good.

Take all that stuff: none of it seems useful to Beegs

Cyrus whirled around to see the paladin wading through a pile of balls. Cyrus bites his lip. Surely it was just his juvenile sense of humor; nobody would put so many ridiculous things in one place on purpose.

But the puzzle itself was a simple one; Cyrus had helped assemble a similar obstacle himself when he took it upon himself to repair his great-grandfather's tomb. All you had to do was make a five-pointed star — a simple thing for anyone who spent as much time drawing pentagrams as Cyrus had. Without hesitation, Cyrus dipped a finger in the spreading pool of goblin blood and set to work. Within a few minutes he had a recognizable (if somewhat odorous) pentagram to work with, and he industriously placed all the orbs where he reckoned they ought to be.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile/orbs.png

:plant:

Beegraks pilfers the possessions of his latest meal. Smarno the halfling was unfortunate enough to die with valuable treasure on him.

1. Goblin Totem Mace

   http://upload.jetsam.org/images/Goblin-Totem-Mace.jpg

2. Residuum, worth 250 gp.

In addition, Bonnor was carrying a number of non-magical items in his pack.

1. Chains, 10 feet
2. Chalk (red), 1 piece
3. Disguise Kit, 1 set
4. Glass Cutter
5. Identification Papers with Portrait (non-standard)

   http://upload.jetsam.org/images/BonnorID.jpg

6. Journeybreads, 5 loaves.

Around a half-dozen orange-colored devices, the same type he was lobbing at the Sorcerer, are strewn about his pack.

---------

The instant von Brandt completes the pentagram, it glows bright red. The chest Beegraks opened tentatively is flung wide open, bathing the room with illumination. When the light show ends, nothing remains of the chest. In its place, Beegraks sees a horned animal , apparently wearing armor, staring at the paladin with a confused look on its face.

Yours to name, Ry. Both the species and the pet name.

But Cyrus wasn't in the room mentally. He's in a cave of some sort, looking at some smashed rocks in a slightly-singed floor. The vision ends just as it begins, although he could swear he was much taller there than he usually is.

The dragonborn watches with excitement as Cyrus works his magic. The simplicity of the design makes him feel ashamed of not being able to figure it out himself, but even that quickly vanishes as he lays eyes upon the magnificent beast that materializes before him.

The beast is quite a sight to behold indeed, with its single horn protruding from its head, symbolizing to Beegraks the masculinity of this majestic beast. What Beegraks doesn't realize is that the beast before him is actually female, but then he never was a great master of anatomy, even with his many experiences with the fine art of the vivisection.

Beegraks' first reaction is for his apetite, and he immediately tries to sink his claws into the beast to start tearing it into bite sized chunks, but at his amazement, the beast's skin is as tough, if not tougher than his own, and the dragonborn suddenly gains a lot of respect for this fine beast. His scratching motion even seems to please the beast, and Beegraks continues in a more friendly manner when he notices this.

Smothas haphazardly tries to mount the beast to see its reaction, and to his surprise, there is very little resistance. As he finally settles on the beast's back, he feels he should find a way for the beast to know he is addressing it, and he thinks long and hard about it, before uttering quite proudly:

"Go! Horny!"

Free lesson of the day: children might have an incredible imagination in general, but that doesn't necessarily mean that someone with the mind of a child does.

I guess the species is that of an indian rhino, since it only has one horn? Or are there D&D specific rhino species?

:cmb:

"What is that?"

Cyrus boggles at the hulking beast that appears before him; he'd never seen anything like it. Except, perhaps, in an old bestiary... thick grey hide, a horned brow, mighty jaws...

"Fantastic! Quickly, Beegraks, order your bulette to dig an escape route for us!"

Cyrus pulls the circlet from his head and hangs it on the bulette's horn. Perhaps it would provoke the landshark into a destructive rage. It was certainly making him irritable.

:plant:

Both Cyrus and Beegraks wastes no time in ingratiating themselves with an animal even dumber than the dim-witted paladin.

If "Horny" saw any vision similar to the ones that assailed Cyrus, she gave no outward indication. Apparently the circlet is located too far away from the creature's brain to affect it.

As he's getting used to his new ride, Beegraks decides to go investigate the chamber where the shapeshifter had gone to seek refuge from the duo. Hopefully there would be something of use in their current situation hidden there.

Move to top left room and search for anything useful or out of the ordinary


:cmb:

"What a massive horn!" Cyrus thinks to himself, as Beegraks mounts the beast. The sorcerer gazes transfixed at the magnificent size and breadth of the rigid shaft. He can't get enough of that supersized body part. Its after-image lingers in his consciousness long after Horny and her scaly friend trundle outside the cramped room.

Beegraks guides Horny down the corridor, making sure for her to stomp rudely on Smarno's corpse. The passage terminates in a dead-end, with what appears to be a rusty torture device flush against the far wall. Beegraks turns his rhinoceros to the left, forcing it to squeeze into the Smarno tried to lure the dragonborn into.

The room is marked by cobwebs and dried smears of blood. The room's walls are covered with dust, save for two objects: a switch to the right, and a throne made of solid stone right in front of the two. A sign next to the lever reads: "Erocktrick Chair".

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Electric Chair? Sounds like an opportunity for MORE POWER. I will steal this chair's electric, Beegraks, and have it for myself."

Sit in the electric chair

"THROW THE SWITCH! I shall have command of the lightning as yet undreamed of!"

:plant:

Beegraks watches as Von Brandt sit in the erotic chair, screaming something about gaining more power. Horny is evidently agitated by all this, and as Cyrus starts screaming for Beegraks to flick the switch, Horny starts moving about wildly, and it isn't long before her horn grabs the switch and flicks it.

:cmb:

Cyrus seats himself on the throne, and demands the dragonborn to flip the switch.

Beegraks obliges his comrade, and watching passively as a few stone tiles from the wall on either side of the throne start to jut out. Before he could utter a sound, the tiles fly out of the wall violently, hurtling full speed towards each other. They meet with a sickening *crack* where Cyrus head was. Tiles and head are all pulverized in that glorious orgiastic instant.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Cyrus' headless body tumbles to the ground, blood spurting from the open wound on his neck. Just as the dragonborn contemplates on yet another blood fountain feast, an unearthly glow suffuses the half-elf's corpse.

What happens next defies all earthly explanation. Perhaps the slimplest is that Beegraks hallucinated it all. Only tails grow back. Heads. Do. Not.

Beegraks and von Brandt lose a life. 2 left.
Von Brandt restored to full vitality.

Beegraks never ceases to be amazed at the Magic Man's ability to turn a bad situation into something that was worth it. Though the pain he went through to get there seemed rather intense, Von Brandt looks rejuvenated more than ever with his newly minted head.

After the amazement settles down, the dragoborn searches the room over for any hint regarding the password door that he encountered down the hall. If the goblin had retreated into this room, there must have been a reason, he thinks.

:cmb:

"I died. And yet, I live!"

Strap Smarno's corpse into the chair
Flip the switch until I get a zombie minion

At first glance, room is devoid of anything other than the Erocktrick Chair and the lever. However, Beegrak's insistent examination reveals a tiny document wedged under the chair.

It reads:

Dear Customer:

Thank you for the purchase of the Techno Word-Access Tester 5000.

As the very latest in Alchemical technology, the TWAT5000 has been specially engineered to utilize your most frequent utterances within the training period as the given passphrase.

No further interaction with the TWAT5000 is required.

For any questions, our customer service representatives are only a Sending ritual away.

Sincerely,
The DoomSayer Alchemical Company

The rejuvenated sorcerer straps in Smarno's half-eaten corpse, and flips the switch. Although the halfling's head explodes in spectacular fashion, his resurrection does not appear to be forthcoming.

As Beegraks tries to figure out where exactly these 5000 twats are, he decides that since they clearly aren't in this room it's time to get on with some more searching action.

Directing Horny towards the password door, he gets her riled up enough to charge into the door, hoping to break it down.

:cmb:

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Beegraks runs his horned mount right into the TWAT5000-protected door. Horny's horn makes a sizeable indentation in the stone, and something in the mechanism appears to give. It won't be able to survive another such attack.

15 damage to door; 7 damage to Horny.

ASSPERD --VAID! ISH RE--DER ASHPERD

Although Horny suffered ony superficial damage from hitting a door, the headband at the end of its horn was not quite so lucky. Although the pair didn't know it, they had just destroyed Smarno's Command Circlet . It would have allowed the wearer to control the flesh golem like a marionette. How sad.

Beegraks comforts the beast upon hearing its cries of pain, and then gives the order to keep up the charge, for the good of the cause. They've been in this dank cave too long, and a dragonborn needs that fresh air every now and again.

The dragonborn perseveres in his charge, charging his charge to charge the already-charged wall. This time, the rhinoceros proves more powerful than the slab of stone, and the momentum carries the dragonborn, his steed, and the door for several feet.

Beegraks is in a new room now, a natural cavern of sorts. In the nick of time, he espies a deep hole ahead, and immediately throttles Horny. The pair stop short of the hazard, but the slab goes hurtling into the hole, where it impacts the ground with a thunk and a splash.

Within a split second of the coppery scent assaulting his nostrils, the dragonborn realizes that the massive hole ahead of him was filled to the brim... with blood.

Before his horrified eyes, a dark shadow rises from the blood pool, apparently nursing a bump on its head. The creature is gargantuan, larger than any dragon he's ever seen. The reptilian creature has two massive horns on its head, each horn as big as the paladin. Issuing a massive roar, the creature draws itself to its full height of fifty feet, and glares at the two intruders.

Defenses:
Tarrasque: AC 34 Fort 40 Ref 29 Will 23 (surprised)


:savepoint: Surprise Round: Beegraks | Round 1: Tarrasque, Von Brandt, Beegraks

As Beegraks spots the beast in the pool of blood, he freezes for a moment to consider what he could possibly do to make it go away. Not finding anything at the moment, he quickly indicates to Horny that now would be a good time to get the hell out of here.

Move back into the corridor as fast as Horny can

:cmb:

Probably sensing a severe threat to his life and limb, the Paladin beats a hasty retreat. To his horror, what was a clear passageway a few moments ago was nothing but solid rock.

The gigantic lizard cuts through the thick pool with great ease. A short leap later, and the Tarrasque has already brought the dragonborn and his pet within striking range.

Tarrasque double-moves and climbs out the pool.

:savepoint: Von Brandt, Beegraks, ROUND 2: Tarrasque

"Beegraks! Where have you gone? And what's that noise?"

A violent shuddering rocks the underground tunnels.

"Did you find another bulette? Sounds like a big one! I will put a giant derby hat and a monocle on him and I will call him Dr. Squishy! I will! You cannot stop me!"

Cyrus is still feeling more than a little woozy from his recent resurrection.

I'm not 100% sure where I'm even AT relative to Beegs right now but uh double-run toward the tarrasque, why not :plant:

Beegraks is really in it now. Not willing to stay here and eventually have his blood be added to the pool that lay on the other side of the big ugly beast, he directs horny towards the small corridor to the north of their current position.

Dragon Breath at the tarrasque, for the hell of it
Double move towards the tunnel at N-4, continuing as far as my movement will allow


Beegraks throws a parting spit at the beast, which doesn't seem to affect it one bit. Oh well. Surely that will at the very least enrage it more.

:cmb:

Hearing a loud commotion, Von Brandt rushes towards his erstwhile ally.


But the foolish fool was just foolishly standing by the slab he had his bulette charge! Typical lazy Beegraks not to finish the job he's started. Oh well, it wouldn't be too difficult for the mighty sorcerer to dispatch the obstacle, what with an indentation of Horny's horn already evident on the damaged stone slab.

Wait, did the dragonborn just spit on the slab? What is going on here?

---

The paladin's in a serious fight for his life now! Now that escape has been barred with magic rocks that appeared out of nowhere, there was nothing else to do but to spit in the monster's eye. Too bad for Beegraks, the tarrasque doesn't seem to particularly mind his poisonous breath. Maybe it didn't need eyes to see.

Then, from the corner of his eye, Beegraks spots an escape route to his left. He motions his rhinoceros to charge to the gap. It's a tight fit, but Horny should be able to squeeze through.

Horny is raked by the tarrasque's claws as she passes through the creature's reach. Then the gigantic lizard moved closer to our (anti)heroes, slashing at both rider and mount with furious attacks.

Bite vs Horny (OA): +25 vs AC. Hit for 24 damage, plus 15 ongoing (save ends).
Fury of the Tarrasque: Bite, plus Trample or Tail Slap.
Bite vs Horny. Critical miss!
Tail Slap vs Beegraks: +32 vs Fortitude. Hit for 42 damage; Beegraks pushed to I-1 and knocked prone.


:savepoint: Von Brandt, Beegraks, Round 2: Tarrasque

Von Brandt stroked his beard knowingly. Surely, his companion was enmeshed in what the high elves called the teiraesia mendri — the war against the self. While no real foe was at hand, Beegraks was more than capable of hurting himself while trapped within his own imagination.

The slab was probably to blame. Cyrus frowns as Beegraks violently reels to one side, only kept atop his bulette by the narrowness of the corridor. The hallucinations were getting violent. Best to lead him away.

"Hey, bulette! The real danger is back here! Best deal with me before I slay you both — before I slay you with my mighty boot!

And with that, Cyrus kicks the bulette in the flank.

Attempt to provoke Horny to turn away from the slab via judiciously applied kicking.

:plant:

Beegraks starts reflecting on the fact that he might finally be at his end. Funny it should be by being devoured by a scaly creature himself, had he had done to so many before him. And the magnificient beast he had just met would probably be devoured before his very eyes. Funny that Cyrus didn't find a way to him... Wait, what's that sound?

:cmb:

Von Brandt boots a dangerous animal on the rear. It didn't particularly faze the heavily-armored rhinoceros, but Horny does respond with a startled kick. It barely connects, but a hit is still a hit.

Von Brandt takes 9 damage.

While clearing the stars from his eyes, the ground beneath Beegraks suddenly shakes violently. He hears a loud squeal behind him, presumably his poor mount being eaten alive by that over-sized lizard-dragon-thing he foolishly dropped a slab on.

Hey -- danger --- me --- slay.... Might--!

That sounded like the sorcerer, but where was he?

----

Back in reality, Cyrus von Brandt picks himself off the ground, cursing the bulette's stupidity. Recipes for bulette flit through his mind, and the half-elf suddenly feels hungry.

Then he feels it --- the creature's kick jolted him awake from the intoxicating effects of his resurrection. There is a faint undercurrent of magic emanating from very close by. He would probably be able to disrupt it with any spell, provided he can pinpoint the source.

Persuasion had failed. It generally did. Cyrus considered himself a reasonable man, but few of his enemies were reasonable in turn. So it goes. Time for Plan B: throw lightning at it.

Throw lightning at it (the slab) :plant:

The dragonborn decides that better than to stay where he is and be devoured himself, he might as well try and get as far away from the creature as he can. Surely it won't be able follow him into these narrow tunnels.

Double run down the northwest tunnel

:cmb:

Von Brandt's powerful lightning crumbles what's left of the security device into dust, just as Beegraks, in his reverie, decides to run full tilt from the Tarrasque. Taking her master's cue, Horny easily breaks through the barrier, and manages to charge 25 feet before crashing into a lighted fireplace. A passage leads to Beegraks' left hand side, but the way is barred by a brass door. The only furnishing in the room, Other than the fireplace, was a fine piece of leopard skin pelt, now trampled messily by a stupid rhino.

I guess my little April Fool's Tarrasque prank fooled no one :(

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mons...th-glasses.pngTold you! Told you it wouldn't work!

The voice came from a funny wrinkled humanoid monster, with a pair of glasses as its most prominent feature. It was standing in the room to the dragonborn's right. The paladin could faintly see some beer kegs to the monster's back. But what was more striking was the ... thing ... that it was talking to, lurking a few feet behind him, just to the back of the TWAT-5000.

It was by far the ugliest monster Beegraks has ever seen. Its crimson skin was mottled with sores, and - most distressingly - it had very long tentacles where its mouth should be. Cyrus' skin went cold as his partner relays this new information. The Half-Elf has heard tales of Far Realm abominations such as this, but this was the first time he's seen a mind flayer up close. This one appears to be exceptionally agile, given its ability to jump out of the way before Horny could gore it to death.

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/mons...th-glasses.pngGet over here! Let's fight them on more favorable terrain!

http://upload.jetsam.org/images/illithid-inquisitor.png...

The mind flayer snorts its disapproval, but retreats anyway. It looses a psionic barrage on the horned heroes roasting by the fireplace first before ducking back into the next room.

Mind Blast: +11 vs Will. Hits Beegraks for 18 and Horny for 13 psychic damage. Both dazed (save ends)


:savepoint: Von Brandt (23), Monster with the Glasses (12), Beegraks (10), ROUND 2: Mind Flayer Inquisitor (24)

So, what happened to them?

They didn't make it past the illithid and his shady friend.

Seriously? Zoidberg was able to do them in? I'd expect the lich, but that... mind flayer reject?!

That's the strangest thing, my lord. Von Brandt just froze in place. And when Zoidberg went to eat his brains, there was nothing there!

Oh?

Nothing more than a strange mechanical device where his brain should be. I have absolutely no idea how he was able to move and think...

Do not concern yourself. Suffice to say that wasn't the real Cyrus Von Brandt. The cloning process clearly needs more refinement.

Oh.

But I assure you the dragonborn was real. What of him?

Smothas Beegraks? With Von Brandt incapacitated, he never really had a chance. But for what it's worth, he and his little pet put up a mighty struggle.

Did they survive?

Zoidberg didn't want to eat his brain. Says it wouldn't satisfy even a little bird. As for the rhinoceros, it died of wounds sustained in battle, but the dragonborn had some sort of scroll...

Ah yes, our standard two free resurrections. So Beegraks is alive? We can still use him?

He's back in the Arena, but not like before. I don't think we can use him, a lot of the fight's left him. He seems depressed about Von Brandt's death.

I can imagine. After all...

*click*

DID YOU KNOW THAT I'VE NEVER KNOWN HOW IT FEELS TO LOVE?

*click*

He seems to have formed quite the attachment to the sorcerer.

Most of the audience cheered right there and then, my lord. They never suspected they were being scryed on.

We'll have to start anew then. Shar will want to know about this setback. Sigh. Mark my words, that harlot will fall.

...

Continue casting your net, and inform me if you root out any promising candidates.

At once, Lord Cyric!