Your loved one falls into a coma. Do you start dating again?
 

Say you are married, and your spouse falls into a coma, for whatever reason. Her wish to you was always to let her stay in the coma, for as long as it takes, because there might be a chance he/she could wake up.

So obviously you wait a long time to see if she wakes up. So 5-10 years go by, and your spouse is still in the coma. Do you start dating again? Would you care about that fact that one day she could wake up, and find her husband remarried with another woman?

If not 5-10 years, then how long would you wait? Would it be 20 years? Would you never move on and just ride it out with your spouse who is in the coma?

What would you do?

It's hard for me to say, because while I am a loyalist, if I got married in my 30s, then I don't know if I could go my whole life without having someone to care for, and also not having sex again.

But then if you do start dating again and remarry, and your spouse wakes up from her coma and can't wait to see their spouse. Then they find out that their spouse remarried, and are like what the hell?

Moved to The Quiet Place.

I think I would wait. I'd rather not risk the gamble, so to speak, that'd be involved in dating others and possibly even remarrying. And I wager that anybody that I potentially would care for to the point of dating and even remarrying to is not the type of person that would be comfortable at the idea of me leaving a comatose spouse behind. And since it's a marriage that's involved, it wouldn't be a matter only between me, my spouse in the coma, and this other girl either. Familial flak would surely come from somewhere, and that just doesn't seem worth the trouble to me.

Anyone who says they wouldn't start dating after 5-10 years of a comotose spouse has never had to say goodbye to someone they cared for.

There's only so long you can mourn for someone.

Well, that doesn't apply to everyone. There must be some people that would never leave their spouse. Some old fashioned people don't date even after their spouse has died; think if there's the slightest chance to get him/her back.

Comas come in many varieties. I'd defer to the doctors' opinions as to whether or not there's any chance of recovery. This comes awfully close to essentially being the Terry Schiavo question.

You know, in a large majority of cases, a person who has been in a coma for more than a year or so will never fully recover. They almost always have to be institutionalized for the rest of their lives because of the brain damage that results from being in a coma for so long.

I wouldn't go on an active search for a new husband, but if I met someone and things naturally worked out that way, I'd go for it. Chances are my husband would never know whether we were together or not after something like that. I would keep him in my life, though. If he happened to come out of the coma I'm sure I would spend a lot of time with him and would always take care of him, and more than likely he would never know the difference.

I am no doctor though I'd assume that the chances of coming out of a comoa after 5-10 years must be very slim. I don't know if I would remarry persay but I think I would want to seek comfort in another person.

I remember a story where a guy came out of a coma after 20 years. That is incredible.

I'd wait. Just because she's taking a long nap doesn't mean it's okay to go off and find someone else. Unless she dies in that coma, I wouldn't start dating again.

There's a very good movie about this very same subject, it was directed by spaniard Pedro Almodovar and it's named Talk to her. You won't regret it.

As for myself, well if somehow I had this feeling that the girl really is the one I'll love then I'll stay faithful as long as it takes.

I'm with a Lurker on this one.

Are those that are saying they would wait for ever and a day to be with 'the one' advocating pinning after someone you love even if they are no longer available to you for other reasons? They may have died, or left you. Would you then wait forever for 'the one' despite it being a lost cause?

Well, if they did die, I'd probably do what WolfDemon said and eventually move on. But otherwise, yes, I would wait. Now if they woke up and couldn't remember a thing about me or something, well....I honestly don't know. I would take care of her, of course. But as for 'moving on' in such a situation, in my mind that's not an easy decision to make. In thinking about it briefly, I probably would still stay with her. However, such a tough decision warrants much consideration, a lot more than what I've given now. I'd rather wait until I come to that bridge (if I do at all) before figuring out just how to cross it, so to speak.

Yes, and many of thsoe people who never remarry are in their twilight years.

Do you think a 30 year old will have the same opinion as a 70 year old? Consider the question carefully.

¬_¬'
 

Ok, you are probably right about that...

I think that, regardless of much you think about it, this is one of those scenarios that you really don’t know what you’ll do until it actually happens to you.

I would wait by there side until they came out or passed.

When you get married you make the vow that you will be there for that person though sickness. You don't go dating new people. When someone is sick that is when they need you the most.

Ask yourself this question: would you force the one you loved to be lonely for a good portion of their lives when you're unavailable? That's rather selfish. If you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. They obviously can't be happy with you if you're in a coma.

I would start dating again after an applicable mourning period. I would never marry someone that expected me to wait for them for 5-10 years.

I would never take her out of my life, though. I'd always be there for her. Just not sexually.

Loved one in a coma? If she;s female this is a good chance to fuck her at any time without having to put up with her constant yapper.

In the end, anybody who is in a coma for like 5 years probably wouldn't be perfectly fine. And if they WERE, they'd have no right to be like "OMG you started dating again?! You're an asshole!"

THEY WERE IN A FUCKING COMA.

So after a significant amount of pain and suffering, I could probably date.

All the people that were all "true love lasts foreverrrrrr" are fags. Period. You have sex with gay sex itself. That's how un-manly you really are. RABicle is half-right. She can't argue with anal if she can't argue. Go for it.
P.S.
you land in a coma, I'm fucking your sister the next day. Deal.

It all depends on how old I would be at the time. If I was like 25 years old when it happened and waited for 5 long years for her to wake up, I think I would seriously think over saying my good byes and move on. On the other hand, if I was 50, I might be better of waiting. But to tell you the truth, I really don't know. If she was truly the love of my life, and there was no one else for me, I might actually wait for her. It's a tricky question.

Age factor aside, I'm probably going to date after the appropriate mourning period. I mean don't really expect me to be falling to a non-responsive person for the rest of my life. Love is two-way and the way I see it the waiting just makes it into one.

Aye. That is true.

So this woman was in a coma for a long, long time. Something like five or ten years, right? But her husband loved her dearly, and visited her every day. He would do things like read her the newspaper and talk to her about family, even though she wasn't receptive. Totally devoted.

One day the nurse took him aside before he said hello to her - he always greeted her - and told him some promising news. She was giving him a sponge bath the other day, and while washing a ... sensitive area, the wife responded. It was the faintest of sounds, but the nurse swore that she heard the wife breathe harder than normal. So, the nurse came up with a theory; perhaps if the husband had oral sex with her, maybe she would awaken.

The husband is taken back by such a frank request, but thinks the matter over and agrees. So the nurse left the room, to give them some privacy.

Ten minutes later, some alarms sound in the wife's room, and the nurse comes running in. The husband is kneeling on the bed with his pants around his knees.

"What?"

I would agree that was a pretty good film, pertinent to the subject. But what the FUCK was with the tiny man jumping into the vagina scene. I saw that movie alone and I still felt uncomfortable watching that part.

Sorry but to say it like that, but if you seriously think about dating someone else while your wife's lying in coma, you're a fucking idiot. You married her because you promised that you'll always be there for her, in good and in hard times. So here's a hard time and you fucking have to deal with it.

And if you promise to your lover/wife/husband that you'll always be there for them, but then they leave you, what then? Your promise was made. Sure the circumstances that lead to your seperation differs, but by that logic you should remain commited, forever, no matter what. It does indeed sound like the logic that has never lost a loved one. You can only wait for so long before you should just move on.

Awfully presumptuous isn't it? Who's to say why others entered into marriage in this fickle day and age? How many people take vows as anything more than ceremony? No, lets not get into how many millions of ways marital promises can be broken nowadays; and instead discuss this like a bunch of different people with different ideas who aren't all following with a ruler Jesus' Guide to Love.

It's simple really. You two made a vow that you would be there for each other. Well, now she's not holding up her end of the bargain. She can't comfort you when you're down or cook your favourite dinner whe you're sick when she's in a damn coma, can she? And those fuckers are expensive, and it's not like she's bringing any money in the relationship anymore. She broke her end of the deal first, is all I'm saying.

You're just plain stupid, sir.

Well dude you already said it, that's an umm kinda different situation. I don't think that you can compare a divorce with a coma (sometimes, it's almost the same but oh well...). If couples get divorced the accept the fact that the other might not care about him or her anymore. How do you know that your spouse lying in coma doesn't want you to care about her?

in that situation the most correct is make what you hearth indicates, maybe you dont love anymore to your husband and even if he/she wake up all has gone it.

Not because she doesn't want to!

This reminds me of a story I heard once, about a couple that was in this situation. I think it occured somewhere in Europe, although I don't remember with certainty.

Anyway, a man's wife fell into a coma, and he waited a very long time for her, driving a very long way to see her every single day. Eventually, the pain of this was too much to bear, and he commited suicide. That same day (I think) his wife regained full consciousness. Damn.

If such a thing happened to me, I truly think I would wait as long as it takes, and if not that, at least a good 5-10 years. And I certainly wouldn't kill myself.

...What?

Yeah, maybe if she woke up one day and said, "I think I'm going to disregard my marriage obligations by falling into a coma."

EDIT:
You make it sound like the fact that she's "not holding up her end of the bargain" is her fault. Technically she's not, but chances are it wasn't her choice to do that, now was it?

I never said that you would stop caring about her, my point was just the opposite. In a situation where you still care about your spouse, what difference does it make whether it's a divorce or a coma? You *still* care, but somehow you can't/shouldn't accept the facts of the coma, but you can accept the facts of a seperation?

Accepting that you are not able to be with the person that you love does *not* mean that you no longer love that person.

Double Post:
You do not know that. It's impossible for us to imagine how we'd react to such circumstances. It's very romantic and all to tell ourselves that we'd wait 5 *years* or more, and wouldn't get depressed to the point of suicide, but it's just fooling ourselves into thinking we'd be the 'best' example. It's easy to think one's self as a hero before you are faced with the situation, and a prolonged situation is even more difficult to guess.

Well you do not know PiccoloNamek personally, do you? I don't either, but I wager he knows himself better than I know him and thus I am comparatively inadequate to come up with a valid answer as to what he would do, given this situation. I could make a guess based on his answers thus far, but again, he could probably give a better answer for himself than I could for him.

I think what we've all said now would have some factor in such a decision later on, were it to happen. But if it has no influence, if it's just all so ambiguous, so "impossible for us to imagine how we'd react" in the end, then I guess this discussion is pointless, and this thread is over.

Of course I don't know PiccoloNamek. But that doesn't change the fact that he/she doesn't know that aspect of themselves.

What is silly is people claiming that they know how they'll react under difficult circumstances. Especially at this relatively young stage of their lives. That's not to say that discussing one's current views on what they may do, and what they hope they would do is pointless. Just that making any kind of concrete prediction is just a guess.

Unless of course you want to argue that one's self perception is ever so accurate.

Also, what bearing does the coma victim having made a choice in the matter have on the situation? How does *your* vow have anything to do with their vow? Do *you* love only because your lover loves you back? Or is your love independant of their feelings?

No. I'm pretty sure I do know that aspect of myself. Introspection is something I have done a lot of in my life, especially concerning issues such as marriage, love, fidelity, and even death. And knowing what I know about myself, I know that I would wait for her.

I know what I would do. I can't say for sure exactly how long I would wait, but I know that I would not simply abandon the person I care for the most after only a few years.

Look up at the sky!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
It's super emo dude!
Wait a second... super emo dude can't fly........
well, i wouldn't jump... just be super emo and probably wouldn't serious engage with someone, i would think.

And that's all that matters. Who cares what her motivations are? As Miss Manners says, actions speak louder than words. She just isn't trying hard enough to get better, that's all.

Double Post:
it is you who is stupid, if you continue being faithful to a woman who hates you so much that she put herself in a fucking coma. Christ, dude. You know she's thinking about another man when the nurse spongebathes her.

Double Post:
Avoiding doing anything productive because you're feeling the ennui strongly does not mean you know yourself particularly well, sir. You're basically assuming your needs regarding other people will never change from now, nor will you ever grow or change. If you really believe all that, you are 16 years old, sir.

But I do plenty of productive things. This week was holy week, and I was up at the crack of dawn every day to run the mixing console at church. Then I went home and post-produced the sermons that were given, so that they were suitable for radio broadcast.

Soon, I will be setting up their computer systems. (We just recieved a shipment of literally dozens of computers.)

But I still set aside time for thought, usually when I'm out taking photographs. (That's productive, too!)

Although I still contend that I know myself well. As for your second point, I suppose I can't really argue with that. Point taken.

Watch the anime series, Kimi ga Nozomu Eien
http://anidb.info/perl-bin/animedb.p...=anime&aid=896

its a very good story and answers your question

What? I'm not going to watch some 14 episodes of a show to find out it's creator's interpretation of the subject. If you want to take their views as your own, you could share them with the rest of the group.

Edit: That came out harsh. Didn't mean it as such.

Blah..you can't even connect to GFF for a few days and look what happens. :doh:

I would care what her motivations were, if she were my spouse. Whether or not this coma was a direct result of her actions certainly would have an influence on my decision on this matter. I think it's ridiculous to end a marriage due to circumstances that resulted from factors beyond my control and/or hers.

...What?

If recovery was that simple, there would be no need for doctors or nurses, or medicine as a whole for that matter. By that logic, my grandfather must've not tried hard enough to get rid of that stomach cancer, or any of my ancestors to finally get over old age, or Scarlet Fever or Smallpox.

And where did this idea that the woman put herself in the coma come from? I even went through the thread looking for that and all I've seen is that DragoonKain said "for whatever reason", not "she hates your guts and tried to kill herself but ended up in a coma instead." What if she still loved you? What if she was so sorry that things were like this, even if it was through no fault of her own? What if she so wishes she could wake up but her body is incapable of doing so alone?

Well I already said that I honestly don't know what I'd do. My first answer was based on the notion that this coma resulted from circumstances she had little or no control over. But there are many different possibilities as to how this situation could have come about, and thus I don't see only one answer to the whole thing. "For whatever reason", in my mind, makes this a rather ambiguous question. I don't think "she deliberately put herself in a coma somehow" would generate the same answer as, say, "a drunk driver suddenly swerved into her lane, causing a head-on collision and injuries to her that resulted in a coma". Not from me, anyway.

No, I'm just saying that any decent person honest with themselves would probably have a better perception of themselves and how they would react than anybody else. Except their parents or very close friends, maybe.

I think I already answered that above, for myself at least.

Both. I'd love her for the kind of person she is, but if she didn't love me back to begin with, I probably never would have made such a vow, and she probably would not have either if the same wasn't true for her regarding me. But I think it's ludicrous to say that she's not honoring her vow just because she's incapacitated, when she would be honoring her vow if the circumstances were otherwise. The only way she wouldn't be honoring her vow in my mind is if she wasn't even before she fell into a coma.

Even if that was the case, I tell you again that I'm unsure of what I would do. I base that on my perception of myself now, as well as the fact that there are numerous, perhaps endless, ways in which this situation could have come about. All I can really say for certain is that the decision would not be made without much consideration, and that uncertainty would not warrant the notion of dropping her like a bad habit.

If her husband is someone who cares about her as much as you would, of course she will thinking about another man when the nurse spongebathes her.

Someone mentioned the anime "Kimi ga Nozomu Eien" earlier in the thread; it's the first thing I thought about after reading this topic's title.

The story plays out a bit like this:

I honestly don't know what I'd do in such a situation. I'd like to think that I'd be dedicated enough to stick by the person I care about regardless of the circumstances, but ten years is a long time to deny yourself...

Of course, by this same reasoning divorce is absolutely, unequivocally out of the question. You're not allowed to arbitrarily break your vows simply because the two of you don't like each other anymore. Even though humans are fallible and make poor choices in relationships, even though shit happens to one another, your wedding vows trump all other considerations.

This is the kind of hardcore shit that brought down Jim Bakker. You can't do that. The unfortunate truth of the matter is, expecting mere words said in a church to be eternally binding forever and ever is holding human beings to an impossible standard.

Also, loving everyone's responses to Lurker here.