I never though...
 

that I would lose a friend over a difference in political views. She believes that illegals have a right to be here, I told her they were criminals, she called me a racist, I told her I wasn't even busted out my webster's dictionary unabridged edition and proved that my actions were not racist... now she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. Fucked up no?

So has anyone else ever lost a friend over something so utterly stupid that it boggles your mind? Please explain.

I somehow lost a friend because of someone I'm dating now. I'm sure you know who it is...his name rhymes with styles lol.

You can perform an action that is against the law but not be a criminal, per se. Dictionary definitions usually ignore a lot of connotations surrounding a word or phrase, because these things are fluid. I mean, most people understand that. They know that just because two words - criminal and illegal - have the same definition, they do not mean the same things.

But you don't know this, because you are defective.

She's probably defective too though, if she was your friend. So take heart!

She can't *really* not want to be your friend anymore... she's just probably pissed off that you think like that... that doesn't justify ending a friendship.

I have a friend with whom I can't talk anything religious related because we argue about even the smallest matters... we just keep our opinions to ourselves, and we're close friends. You could try that instead of trying to convince her you are right and don't argue were the topic to be brought up again. :) You can't lose a friend for a disagreement on something that I'm betting doesn't affect either of you.

Like Umma said, she probably doesn't REALLY want to break off the friendship, but she is just pissed off.
I personally feel that she is beign overly passionate and irrational over a political issue.
I have known people like this, and I generally have a very hard time putting up with them, so I don't even bother with them any more.

It's probably nothing serious and things should probably settle... unless one of you happens to hold a grudge. I don't think you've lost a friend just yet... it just might pay to stay away from potentially volatile situations and topics in the future.

Ok apparently people didn't read my last line in first post... This is not about my friend and I, I was asking about anyone else having a similar situation. I don't want anyones advice in this matter, I wanted to hear about the experiences of others. As for illegals I was refering to illegal immigrants, not illegal acts :/

Pez: I'm not really so sure of that. She made it pretty plan she didn't want to be my friend, I'm not really heartbroken over it though. I figure she will eventually come around to realize that throwing friends away over stupid shit won't get her far in life.

Umma: I couldn't really see the justification for that decision either but what ever.

Slash: I know who you are talking about but I don't really care about that drama so I have no idea what you are talking about.

Well, as I said, I can't talk about religion with a friend of mine who's a real fanatic or we end up fighting... but I no longer push too much on those matters because I know she'll just keep talking crap and we won't agree on anything. I guess on these situations someone has to be the better person...

In general, if it was someone you don't know, it shouldn't matter they don't like you for a stupid reason as disagreeing on some topic, but you can't let a little problem like that come between friends.

You think most people would want to be friends with known racists (in their opinion)?

How open-minded of you.

I know.

heh.. had something similar happen not to me but one of my friends. A couple months back my friend WIll and I started debating on whether Penut Butter is a condiment or a food. Well my other friend Christi chimmed in and said it was a food. Will told her it wasn't that it was a condiment, she said "What about Penut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches" he said "Those aren't real sandwhiches." so they continued to argue for.. probably 30 minutes until the point to where Christi just said "FUck you, fuck this.. you're fucking retarded and she didn't talk to him for 2months.. "

A Chinese friend of mine wanted me to sign a petition against the Japanese people during the whole "textbooks that gloss over WW2 atrocities" thing. I said I didn't believe in economically punishing all of Japan (including the children, physically hurt tourists, etc.) because of some cowardly textbook writers. She was pissed at me for about two, three days about that. Eventually I explained myself better, she concluded I "didn't understand the situation" and mellowed, but was still sore for a month or two. Much later, it was water under the bridge and we were all able to have a good laugh about it.

Well, I laughed. She doesn't have a sick sense of humour, unfortunately.

What usually causes these problems is not one's views, but how one expresses them. You happen to have a very brash and exagerated way of putting across your points. If you present yourself the same way in person, to a friend, as you do in PP then it's understandable that they may not want to be around someone like that. A friendly discussion usually has a very different tone than a political discussion among relative strangers.

There is a reason many don't discuss politics and religion among most of their friends and family.

With friends I just remember the saying where its if you want to keep your friends never bring up politics. If I want to have a political debate I just post at the PP. But never with friends, at least not seriously.

However every now and then me and a friend will get into a fight over trivial matters like whether or not the word "couple" was limited only to two of something or "couple" as in a small number but still greater than two. He brought up the point that "a couple" is two people. I say that in the connotation a couple means two, but that if I said "I have a couple of dollars in my pocket" most people would not assume that I just have two dollars, not the mention webster, Oxford, and Word-net agrees with me.

However there have been a few times where we've gotten into serious fights over each other's habits, to him my normal behavior is lethargic, at the same time is behavior is way to active, often spending time doing pointless and wasteful things and sometimes hes too nosy. Some of the other times we accuse each other of commiting the offensive act first, usually its met with feverent denials of the charges. One time it got so damned serious he actually sent me an ultimatum where if I didn't apologize I'd lose him as a friend. First of all I never commited the atrocities he accuses me of (obviously he has a different view), and secondly at the time I was so pissed I couldn't really care less. In anycase we went silent for about two weeks before finally we kinda just decided to bury the issue and be friends again.

Amen to that, there have been countless times I've gotten into an argument because my friend doesn't seem to understand the way I express myself.

My old ex online friend Celestial(her real name).. memories of her have been absorbed into my mind and taken as a regret that huants me to this day. Our brief friendship ended when she crossed the line with me. I told her why I could not return to school and man did she rip me a new one and called my lazy and ignorant. There's no way I can go to school and work 70 hours a week, I'd never be awake in class! Well my reaction was verbally vulgar..I dismissed the fact that she was only 15. And that's what made it a regret. Before the conversation got heated she wasn't very pleased with talking to me after I told her my situation. You can say it already ended right there. I had got one email from her 2 days later and never no more did I hear from her.

Well, it wouldn't bother *me*, at least... Besides, if it was a problem, it'd be a problem when you just met that person, not when you have already found out you like that person as a friend.

Though I had girlfriend since I was 14 and when I found out she was a homosexual, I stopped seeing her as often and now I haven't spoken with her for about 2 years. Of course, that's different because it's not an insignificant issue.

FIRST, he says:
And continues on to say:
Please guys, let's not humor his personal problems when he mentions it to start a thread! THIS ISN'T about him!

Yea, so. I usually have nothing in common with people who share a different political or cultural view other than my own. It usually takes a different kind of mindset to be one of the others. Its not so much their political views, but their entire personalities which aren't conducive to mine.

I can deal with the moderates. They usually have pretty moderate personalities, it seems...somehow.

But yea. I tend not to hang out with the Young Republicans.

How does changing school textbooks affect the Japanese economy, I don't understand. Perhaps you haven't studied up on what turns the gears in their marketplace.

Well that's another thing. What is an insignificant issue to some, is a significant issue to others.

Yes, that's true. That's why one of the two must be the better person. My reaction wasn't the most rational one... but I don't think I'd be comfortable with someone like that.

Although that affected me directly. Now, talking about whether peanut butter is a food or not, that's just opinion on a little subject.

I've lost many fond friends through the stupid nomadic behavior my dad's job undergoes. At least that's how it was in the past. My family moved around so much that this was all my life began to consist of:

-Move
--Make new friends.
--Know new places in town to hang out at.
--Go to new school.
-Move
--Make new friends.
--Repeat.


Repeat, repeat all until we finally moved to New Jersey and FINALLY settled.

You mean racism is more insignificant to you than homosexuality?

You also mean to tell me that racism is blatant while homosexuality is sneaky?

When it comes to friends the best route is to keep religion and polotics out of the playing feild, unless you know for a fact that both you and your friend are responsible and understanding enough to know that friendship comes before such trivial things.

Some people can't handle other people's world views. That's just how it is, and if you want to keep a good friend, the best thing to do is to never push your ideals onto them, unless it's for their own good, as in life or death or some other extreme.

And as far as being friends with closed minded people goes, I'm not for it. I can attempt to open their minds to knew ways of thinking and different views, but some people cannot be persuaded. The human mind is a crazy thing, sometimes you just get so caught up with the way you think the world ought to be that any other way of thought is crazy or disgusting. These kind of people are not the kind of people I need to associate myself with.

The Chinese were pissed off about how glossed-over Japanese textbooks were on WW2. Pissed to the point of boycotting and rioting. Therefore, China-Japan trade and Japanese-owned foreign businesses were affected by the negative sentiment. Some pretty ridiculous threats were thrown around at one point by various low-level politicians.

Yeah but, you took the position that it's better to keep their population blissfully ignorant instead of admiting to themselves the attrocities commited. The price of printing a few books is all that supports that position. I can see how she might take it negatively, seeing as she is Chinese and all. For *some* reason people don't always take kindly to ignoring/marginalizing attrocities in the name of saving a few bucks. Go figure.

If that's the case, shouldn't it be wiser for the Japanese to make their textbooks accurate? That way China wouldn't boycott their products.

I know about how Japan white-washes their WWII history. Even to the point where I saw a picture of a memorial in which they claim that Roosevelt was this atrocious ass. Even to the point where one of my Japanese friends believe that the US attacked Japan for no good reason. She never even learned that Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was the reason. :rolleyes: It's ridiculous to me why they wouldn't apologize to China (and Korea and the Philippines, etc). Germany apologized. Japan is just too proud to admit their wrongs.

i agree with you. i believe that if tons of people can come over to the US legally, then it's doable. People who sneak across the border and such are rather lazy, and don't want to work for their citizenship. Almost my entire family came here legally, and i know the shit that they had to go through, but in the end, i believe they all thought it was worth it. It's not like they were rich or anything either. I'm lucky in that i was born here, and am automatically a citizen. i don't think ur being a racist. ^^;;

but yea, i've also lost a friend through some pretty stupid crap, and even till this day, i don't know why we stopped talking. (maybe if someone here knows or has any idea, enlighten me please).
i think it began when one of my friend's parents were getting a divorce. Of couse, she was extremely upset about it, and that's completely understandable. We all sympathized with her, and tried cheering her up. Except after four or five months, my friend was still moping every single day, and conversations would go something like this.
me: "so how are you today?"
her: "o...peeeeachy...." (sarcasm there)
me: "o my...what's wrong?"
her: "...stuff..."
me: "what...kind of stuff?"
her: "just....stuff..."
me: "..."

it doesn't really help if i try to help someone and they don't tell me squat. what can i do to help then? but surprisingly, tne problem wasn't her (i'll call her ann), it was another of my friends...i just call her sally for now...and there is another girl in our group, i'll say mandy.

so after 4-5 months of dragging stuff out, mandy and i start getting slightly annoyed with ann's mopeyness becuase it's EVERY SINGLE DAY that we have to deal with her. it was as though we were trying to help a drowning person and thowing them a rope, but instead of taking the rope, the person just said "no, let me drown". anyways, mandy and i find out later that ann has been telling sally EVERYTHING. so we're slightly upset about this because we want to help and ann won't let us. We as sally what she's been telling her, but sally just keeps answering as vaguely as possible...and then sally starts phasing us out and i don't know why. keeping a conversation going with her became near impossible cuz it would go something like this:

me: "how was your weekend?"
sally: "ok"
me: "read any cool books lately that i should borrow later?
sally: "not really"
me: "...well i'm up to this really suspensful part in (insert title of a book)...i think (w/e) is going to happen"
sally: "ok"
me: "...ok...did u play any more of (insert title of game)?"
sally: "not really"

OMGGGGG...i think there's tons of stuff that she could have said in that dialog up there, but i really got the feeling that she just didn't want to talk to me...and i dunno why. so after a while, i just stopped trying because most conversations would go like that.

anyways, this post has gone on way too long...but that's one experience where i lost a friend.

No, the other way around actually. As long as it's not *my* race that's being attacked, why would I care what my friends think of other races? But I couldn't be a friend with a lesbian. I don't know how to deal with that!

In the case I mentioned, it was. But I'm not saying it's the case always. You can't really know someone is racist until they have to give an opinion on the subject, and even then...

Like that about the illegal immigrants. Just not agreeing with them for sneaking into the US doesn't make the person a racist. It's just easier to accuse someone of racism since the illegal immigrants happen to be mestizos. To do that, it's a poor arguement.

That's what I said. You feel homosexuality is more significant as a personality flaw than racism.

You knew her for two years when you were both teenagers, it's not like fourteen year olds really discuss being lesbians in a community that breeds people like you.

Actually, let me ask you something. You didn't say how you found out. Did she just tell you or did she feel you up or something? How sneaky was this girl?

You are so vile. I want to make that clear.

To be a close friend of someone with either of those traits, yeah. I feel that way.

No no. We were 14 when we met. It was one of my friends who found out about her being homosexual... kind of, but then confronted her and she admitted it. I was 17 at the time. I *might* have overreacted back then; we're not close friends anymore because of how I started being around her after that.

That's the kind of thing I'm afraid she might do.

This is a rare opportunity indeed. May I ask how you justify and rationalize homophobia?

It's a natural feeling. I didn't choose to feel this way, I just *do*. Why would I want to distance myself from a friend?

There are plenty of reasons to distance yourself from friends. I was just a little surprised that yours was a concern that she might molest you.

Wouldn't that same concern go for guys with whom you are friends as well? Aren't they supposed to be sex crazed, at least as much so as lesbians?

I mean no personal offence, I'm sure a Lurker will give you enough of that. But the mentality is one that I can't figure out. I mean, you more or less said that it was an irrational feeling, so, why let it determine your behaviour instead of working against something that you can't justify?

Ignorance?

Also, do you maintain friendships with boys?

Double Post:
Oh fuck you. Just because that's true, doesn't mean you should steal my question.

This is what I get for not reading other people's replies before replying. Well I'm not editing my original post.

Ok, that was an exaggeration. Sorry. I forgave her for kissing me once. But since I had a little too much to drink to properly object, I was just pissed off at her for a couple of weeks.

Maybe they are, but I know how to handle guys. This other thing, however, is new for me.

Yeah, I have two close guy friends. Why?

She makes me uncomfortable!

Because boys will try to kiss you while you're drunk.

It's true. My first two children were born that way.

I had a friend not talk to me for a while because I refused to go to her church with her. Every week she would ask me to go to her church on Sunday and I lied to her and said that I was going with my family. My family is Catholic, but we rarely attend church, but if I were to go that is where I would feel comfortable. I have went to other churches and I just didn't feel right. She wanted me to go so bad, but I just didn't give in, so I was pretty much disowned because of my religion.