Love or sex?
 

My older sister is constantly compaining about her boyfriend of 5 years... him hanging with his friends, his movie choices, other stupid, pointless complaints. I've found myself getting pissy at her, because here she is, with a guy who loves her, a guy who supports her, who has done everything except propose (though we all know it will happen), and she complains about such trivial things.

Then there are the points when she complains about his abilities in bed, and I get really mad. I know that the physical side of a relationship can be an important part, yet, as someone who has never heard the words 'I love you' from any of her boyfriend's lips, I find myself thinking that I would rather have someone who loved me than someone who was great at sex.

Its hard to think about, as love and sex usually come hand in hand, but which would you choose? Someone who loved you unconditionally, but wasn't good in bed, or someone who was great at sex, but never really felt anything for you? Which would you choose... Love or Sex?

(I'm sure this topic could get to the point where it would be moved to the sewers, but lets keep it clean. :p)

Ugh, the idea of being with someone for the rest of your life, and they're horrible in bed? Christ, why not just have a very close friend? I vote neither. If we're talking forever, there's no middle ground. It's both or neither.

For the long term, I'd say someone who loved me. Sex is important, but as the years go by the lust part can fade, and you need to have something other than sex in common to keep things going. That's not to say I would be okay with an outright bad sex life, but if both people make the effort you should be able to get things at least to the point of being satisfactory.

On the other hand, I can see having someone you have great sex with, but no strong emotional bond, as a relief. Long term relationships are hard, and I see nothing wrong with finding someone you have a good time with for the short term.

At this stage in life? Sex, sex, sex. I'm 22; I want to fuck. This love stuff can wait. I don't think the power of bedroom antics can be ignored in any healthy relationship - we're all wired to get off, and if you can't get off with the person you're with, you're that much closer to looking elsewhere. Biology wins this one.

Love and sex are more or less equal. A good relationship needs to have both in it. One is (hopefully) the outcome of the other. However, this shouldn't dismiss either end of either spectrum (love and its short relationships and abuses, sex and its kinky shit and group activites) because thats what makes life interesting and thats how we learn and grow.

Exactly. As LeHah said, both are needed. If you're the nicest person in the world but horrible in bed, you're a friend. If you're annoying but great in bed you're a fuckbuddy. You need to have some of both to be a true romantic relationship.

Well, wait a second. I think you can have a romantic relationship without sex - obviously, since I've been in relationships that were good and fun before I got ass from a girl. However, I don't think it would last long in most cases because people are sexual by default. Obviously there are exceptions and obviously people who are "romantic at heart" put feelings before eating a bitch out - but the question is can it last?

I say no.

I completely agree with everyone who said there has to be both, but I guess for me it really depends heavily on how long I intend for the relationship to last. If it's someone I plan to grow old with, I'd have to say that love is more important, without a doubt. However, at this stage in my life I can imagine being in the kind of relationship with someone where we didn't completely and unconditionally love each other, as long as the sex was great. I cannot envision being in a relationship with someone I really loved but was not having amazing sex with.

Ask me again when I'm 60 and I'll almost certainly give a different answer.

I dunno, but her boyfriend must be a complete retard. I would kick her in her face, repeatedly. Fucking bitch.

I mean, what the fuck, does she have a boyfriend just for the sake to receive premium intercourse or what

I sure do feel like the odd man out in this thread. I've got to say that I can easily imagine being in a relationship with someone where the sex wasn't great. Honestly I'm not even sure what it means to be good in bed anyway. I've never really understood the concept.

I've also got to ask... when people talk about sex, are they talking about just the "main event" or are they taking the whole sexual package? Especially if we're talking about someone who isn't good at the "main course" but whose other "side dishes" are just fine, that would be great as far as I'm concerned.

I don't find sex particularly important. I like it just fine, but it's not the most important thing in my relationships. In fact, I'd probably be the one who got dumped over something like this. I just don't have the sexual appetite that most people would look for in a partner. I'm in a relationship right now. Since it hasn't been all that long, I can't tell you whether it will last. What I can tell you is that my girlfriend has a similar view, and so we seem like we'd be compatible.

The way I thought of it was that the person you're in a relationship with wasnt incapable of sex... its not like there wouldnt be any sex or messing around or anything. It just... wouldnt be 'OMG THAT WAS AMAZING' kind of sex. Like the guy didnt last long, or the girl wasnt enthusiastic, or something similar.

I mean, I could just be a die-hard romantic at heart. If I love the guy, and he loved me, I think I'd be extremely happy, regardless of his abilities in bed.

Of course, like I said, this is just my thinking now. It's hard to describe without sounding pathetic, but I was so sure that my last boyfriend loved me, and when he broke up with me (telling me that he never really loved me, he always loved his high school girlfriend), I found my mind bargaining with itself, saying that I'd give up all the good sex we had if he had only loved me the way I loved him, because he was THAT amazing of a guy ('was' being the keyword here). So when my sister complained about her boyfriend's abilities in bed, of course I'd get bitchy, because she's so ungrateful for what she has.

Thus, this topic. I wanted to see what other people thought, or if they've had similar thoughts.

As sexist as it sounds, this is a very "female" way of thinking. Men on the other hand, are usually driven "sexually". (Which is very strange, considering men are generally "logical thinkers" while women are generally "emotional thinkers".)

I agree with you, but also wonder why men, when they seem to be so preoccupied with sex, become such lazy bastards about sex when they've been in a long term relationship. I don't mean 2 or 3 years. I mean like 10.

This phenomenon is part of why I wouldn't expect life-long earth shattering sex. It may be that way for a while, but I have yet to hear of a relationship where it stayed like that for the long haul.

Because once the tunnel's finished, walking up and down it for years and years isn't particularly exciting.

People evolve physically, mentally and so does the couple and the relationship as a result. Sex just evolves along with all the rest. I think a truly fusional couple just gotta let nature do, on that aspect of things.

Plus I think "failure to get it up" (common for many men) might play in to that equation, Midna =(

I usually hear men griping about sex (ie: never given the chance) as opposed to women.

tiki hit it on the head WAY better than I could've.

In an animalistic sense, men need to "change it up", even move on to other women because they're biologically trained to impregnate as many women as possible. (Women, on the other hand, have the urge to pop out babies, though I don't think they have a particular urge to be gangfucked repeatedly.)

Because most women make a face when you go to stick it in their ass.

I call bullshit on this but then again... We're not married.

If you're really in love, the sex should come naturally, since love requires that both of you communicate well and often. You can't very well complain about your partner's performance in bed if you've never bothered to give them directions. If you whine to someone other than your partner about sex, your brain is clearly malfunctioning. If you find yourself on the receiving end of such a lament, quickly suggest that the party in question immediately STFU and tell someone who gives a damn or, perhaps, even the person they're, y'know, having sex with? It's not that big a request, really.

I think there's equal potential for the proverbial fire to get hotter or colder as time goes on, depending on the choices both parties make and the expectations they have for the future. If the sex gets dull and you think that's just part of the natural progression, you'll be far less likely to surprise your partner with a Kama Sutra or a fancy new swing or some sexy li'l silk thang. You'll probably just whine about it to your friends, family, and co-workers.

ALL fires require constant fuel.

I think that if you continue to deepen the communication and strengthen the trust in a relationship, the sex will get progressively more fresh and inventive. That's why ten out of ten times I'd pick love over good sex.

I'd go with love. Not for any of these in-depth reasons above, I'm just not fussed about sex a lot of the time. I guess it's just the way I was programmed or something.

I'll quote this because it is super-ultra true. I've been in relationships where the sex was terrible, and it's impossible to make that work. I won't say that other people might find it okay to be like that but to me, no sex is better than bad sex, and having bad sex with one person for the rest of my life sounds like a fucking nightmare (EDIT: no pun intended). Like Chris Rock says, life is long if you make the wrong decisions.

So yeah, both or neither. I'll never settle for "halfway there" when it comes to a relationship.

Oh also, like "Back Alley Ally" and some others say, complaining to someone else about bad sex is Goddamn retarded. Given that the sex is bad, communication is the only hope you have of ever working things out. Don't bother other people with your or your boyfriend's erectile dysfunction problems. I know from experience it's not just girls that do this. (Also, a lot of girls who complain about bad sex don't seem to realize that the problem may be them.)

^

I've had both (love with bad sex and great sex without love), and if we're talking a lifelong commitment, it needs to be both. No question. Either one without the other isn't satisfying for more than a short period of time.

People who say they can live without good sex from a partner they intend to stay with, exclusively, for the rest of their lives, either have a medical problem--like a hormone deficiency--or they've never actually had good sex. They don't know what they're missing, so it's easy to settle.

In your sister's case, though, I would guess that she needs to break up with him. She hardly sounds happy. And saying "he loves her! that should be enough for her!" is more than a little naive on your part.

I'm trying to contain my shock.

And I'm saying right now, the people who say good sex just happens in a good relationship need to watch less Dawson's Creek and have a grown up relationship or two before voicing their opinions. It just happens. What a fucking joke.

Well when you truly love someone, you enjoy everything they do! If he's not doing it for you, ladies, maybe it's your own infidelity in your heart that you should blame.

http://colonelskills.belkanairforce....ages/ace/1.gif

I've never been in love with a girl who has loved me, and I've never had good sex.

So, I can't answer this question honestly, but I would choose mutual unconditional love for a lifetime over 3 or 4 great minutes in bed every now and then. There's nothing better than finding someone who you are truly compatible with, and being with someone like that for your whole life has to be exhilarating.

Agreed. I've had amazing sex... but the guy was a loser at life and didn't care about me. He pretty much made me decide to go celibate for the rest of my life, because I couldn't take the ups and downs of life like that.

Later on, about three years, I met someone that makes life so worth living that being away from him is wretched. And he's the shy type in bed. I'm hoping in the long run that he'll gain confidence and we'll develop this amazing sexual bond... but even if that never happens I wouldn't even think of giving him up. There's too much to our relationship outside of the bedroom for sex to get in the way. We're so emotionally and mentally entwined that just laying with him and falling asleep is more contenting than any 'big event' in the past ever was.

Maybe I'll complain more when we've been married a while. *shrug*

Definitely love. Being single can be nice, but eventually you get really lonely and want someone to love and care for.

Also it depends on what you mean by they are bad in bed also. If it was a female, how would they be bad in bed? Just lay there like a lump on a log? Show no passion or any enjoyment? Other than that I don't know if I would classify it as bad, just not as good as others. Unless the girl's vagina is insanely big so anything easily fits up there, sex is always going to feel good.

I think it is much easier for guys to have bed issues. Like if the guy ejaculates in like 2 seconds every time then I could see how there could be major problems. Also if there are issues with impotence and stuff. But things can be done to fix those to work with someone you love.

Unless the girl has an insanely big vagina or the guy has an insanely small penis, I really can't see how the sexual issues can't be worked with to be improved if you really love that person. Also for it to be that bad to where it is that much of a problem is really rare anyway.

So anyway, my point is that if you love them you can always work on the sex thing later to improve it if it is an issue. But finding someone you love isn't easy.

I agree, i also believe that in if you love someone , you love everyhting about her/him, even sex is unlike sex with other friend men/women.

Sex without truelove <<< Sex with truelove.
Problem is getting truelove.
People being victim of consensusreality are obsessed with IDEA of love rather than love itself.
Thats why there are breaks ups, notrust, failed marraiges etc.

People confuse attraction,infatuation,crush and love with each other.
When you are in truelove , things like sex are even more enjoyable regardless one can act good or bad on bed.(however if one is having problem raising dick , its something else, i am not talking about medical problems here).

If you love someone you can put up with *almost* anything, but you won't enjoy everything about them. That would require completely suspending your free will. No one is perfect, even if you're in love with them.

You automatically suspend evrything and feel good about it, in other words enjoy it.
That someone is man/woman of your dreams, someone you never thought you deserved, so even the shittiest thing would feel really good for you.

Yeah, ok Dawson. But we exist in the real world. You can love them all you want, that "cute" laugh when you first start dating? Part of how she was so perfect? It's going to drive you up the fucking wall later. Her love of animals, surpassing her care of people that made you think she was selfless? Yeah, you'll think it makes her batshit irritating in a while.

This is how it works. You adapt. You find the person who compliments you. You're putting the fucking pussy on a pedestal. Stop it.

I choose love. Being married, I know that eventually with age my parts are not going to work the way they did in youth so having that partner to hold my hand when I need her is good enough for me.

I see this often in my church with the old folks. Grey and bent with age, sometimes shuffling around or in a wheel chair, they carry on with their life partner sometimes pushing the chair or a shoulder to lean on. I can only hope I have someone there like that when i'm their age.

"rolls eyes". its not all about sex you know. if i had someone who loved me for me i woudnt care.

thats sort of a stupid question i mean come on. but i guess its the sad awnser today that more people care more about "good sex" then having a real relationship

I still don't see what's wrong with admitting that there needs to be both. It's almost like some of you get offended that other people require love as well as good sex.

To Geddings, I think it's very naive of you to say that if you had someone who loved you for you, you wouldn't care. I call bullshit on that. I think you would most definitely care in the long-term if you weren't being fulfilled sexually, unless you honestly don't care about sex at all.

Alice = win.

Let's look at this logically, shall we? Humans are sexual beings. We have hormones. Evolution, mother nature, our libido, whatever you want to call it, insists that we have sex. It's part of our wiring to reproduce. Unless (as I mentioned earlier) you have a hormonal imbalance or an actual medical issue or anomaly, you have the drive to have sex. It's there. You can't do anything about it. It may not be as strong as someone else's, but it exists.

Bad sex means the sex you have (or attempted to have) doesn't do it for you. Not "oh it was medicore but I still got off," but "that was so horrifying/underwelming that not only did I not come but I was traumatized by the experience." Meaning that you are perpetually unfulfilled. Which means that you either go insane from bottling up your sexual desires, or you find some other outlet for it. Such as cheating. Or even masturbation.

Picture this, for a second. You fall in love with a fat girl. You hate fat girls, but you looooove her so much you marry her anyway. She's the love of your life. Only problem is, her body disgusts you so much that you can't even get it up, much less put it in her. So you find some other way to take care of it. Let's take the easy route and say you beat it off every so often. How do you think that makes her feel? You love her, but she doesn't get you off. You can only get off if you picture some other, hotter chick riding you. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you? Does that sound like happiness?

That shit tears marriages apart all the time. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, the frustration caused by that kind of sexual disconnect will drive a wedge between you a mile wide.

Now what you guys are saying is, if you truly love each other, shouldn't you be able to figure out a way to satisfy each other sexually, even if you don't click sexually to start out with? You should. Maybe. If you work hard enough. But that's not the question: the question was either/or. And if you honestly think that there exists a romantic love so great that it can survive unscathed when one or both partners are majorly sexually unfulfilled, then it's a really good thing that natural selection will do its work and prevent you from reproducing.

I hope you kids get what you wish for.

I don't think you can "fall in love" with someone who you aren't attracted to, so the fat girl thing is a bad example.

Falling in love is both sexual and platonic. Otherwise it is no different from loving a pet or family member.

No, actually, it's a perfect example, for precisely the reason you suggested. It is ridiculous to suggest that romantic love can survive without sexual attraction and subsequent fulfillment.

I don't know. If someone says they fell in love with a person they don't consider attractive, I'm willing to believe them. I don't know better than other people how they feel.

Additional Spam:
dammit nadi

But haven't you ever been in a situation where you think someone is adorable and cute and fun and all that other junk but you have no intention of ever sleeping with them because they just don't do it for you? I think most of us have. And some people - out of desperation or lack of sex drive or whatever - will happily settle for this kind of "love."

I am going to get soooo much shit for this, and I am very likely in the minority, but a person's general appearance/my attraction to them means very little me to begin with.

Before you guys jump all over me, let me explain! Please! ;_;

There was this guy once, right? I thought he was so goddamned attractive. I could stare at him all day! He was everything I ever liked, as far as looks were concerned.

Until I got to know his personality. And I didn't like it at all. This actually made me find him unattractive. No joke. I started to dislike that "attractive" look he had before I saw what kind of person he was.

On the other hand, I've met a LOT of ugly people. Really unattractive - people I would never consider myself being attracted to. Until they showed me who they were, and suddenly, they progressively became more and more attractive to me.

So I guess my argument is more about how a person can become attractive over time.

I'm not saying this because I am fat (though Nadi's post kind of made me cry inside). I am saying this because I genuinely think that peoples' minds are a hell of a lot more attractive than how they sell themselves on the outside.

I could chock it up to my being completely distrustful of anything I see on the exterior of a person.

Sex is VERY important, though. But like I said, a person becomes MORE attractive to me if they have a great mind. Even if they're a hideous pile of poo.

I think it's more of a progression for me. I don't really "find people attractive" like a normal person, I guess. I am INCAPABLE of looking at a person and thinking "God, I want to fuck them." I can not even CONCEIVE of the idea before hearing them express theirself. I wonder if this is abnormal.

I think anyone who would dispute that is crazy. And I know exactly what you mean. I've had the exact same experience with people I initially thought were attractive, and vice versa.

Brains are so sexy.

I'm sorry, Sass. I wasn't referencing you in the least. Obviously, you don't have a problem, you're getting laid all the time. It was just the easiest thing to use--there are a fair number of guys who bitch about girls being fat. =/

You're not abnormal, I'm exactly the same way. I am not saying that I have to be initially attracted to the person's looks; I'm saying that there has to be...well, a spark. A spark that, for me, is driven much more by mind and personality than it is by physical appearance. Most guys don't get that, so simplifying it down to "you can't get off because you're not physically attracted to her" seemed easiest, because that's how they define "spark."

Perhaps that was a bit too simple, though.

Most guys I would classify as "physically attractive" I won't even look at twice, because they're so insufferably boring--or worse, they expect you to admire them all the time. The guys I typically date are average looking; a couple would definitely be called "ugly" by most people here. A repartee, however, can get me worked up without fail.

No, no. No need to apologize. It's a tough world out there for us fatties. You gotta outshine that girl with a tight ass and nice tits, you know? It's tough competition! ^_^

I was sad mostly because I know it's mostly true, really. Not because of anything you said.

I'll totally endorse that. =D

It's a sad generalization to say pretty people are boring, and again, I'm pretty sure you or I would get flak for saying it, but I find it true.

I guess what I was saying was that you really can't know who you're going to love in life. Since love seems so sparse, why limit your possibilities based on attraction alone?

But to get back to the point, I don't think any healthy relationship will exist without some kind of sexual encounters. You should be attracted to your partner, but I think it's unrealistic to think that without a fondness and a love of your partner, they will be the most beautiful person in the world.

You know what's funny? With pretty boys, most seem to fall into the "boring" category, while pretty girls seem to be more spread across the regular spectrum between fascinating and boring. I am infinitely more surprised to find a stunningly attractive man worth conversing with.

The argument is converting into beautiful mind vs. beautiful body/face.

I have this girl i fell in love ,she was sexy and cuminducing, though she had flat ass and small breasts.
Sex is not just body, you could be sexually attracted by voice,eyes,skin, nature, mental wavelength, harmony etc.
Lots of other factors that can induce cum.

So to that fat example, who knows someone can definatley get along with her fatty body.

I share some similar views with nadi. I usually go for average girls. Sure, its great to be with a glamorous sex-bomb but as I've gotten older, looks have mattered less and less. As stupid as it may sound, especially during high school, I felt like people dated attractive individuals as a way to showcase their ability to acquire an "hot" or "sexy" person as their partner.

Although to be quite honest, sex has definitely fallen out of favor over the past couple months. After my ex broke up with me, it was pretty unbearable going from frequent sex to cold turkey but after time I learned that sex is too hyped up to begin with.

As for love? Its alright too I guess. Its possible I haven't found the right person or I was too young but I don't think that explains my indifference. Frankly, I feel as if love and sex are the two most overated things.

I wouldn't buy it for one second. I don't think you can truly "love" someone romantically unless you look at them every day and say to yourself that you have no desire to sleep with another woman. There has to be something about that girl that makes you romantically attracted to her. Even if it is just a sexy voice.

We are human beings. We are not machines. We have natural desires that need to be fulfilled, and sexual desires are one of them.

Someone may love a girl they don't find attractive, but not romantically. Like a sister maybe. I have friends who I don't find attractive that I can say I love. Not romantically, but I have strong feelings for them, and would be devastated if something happened to them.

I could marry one of my best female friends who I don't find attractive at all, and say I love her. But it is a different kind of love. Not romantically, which typically is the kind implied when talking about sex, marriage, etc.

But this whole debate is skewed because the word love has so many varying definitions and degrees.

I just propped a sass post. I feel so dirty.

Can I ask a question...

What if you are with someone physically incapable of having sex everyday? You love him to death and he can be really great in bed but he can't have sex all the time due to physical problems. By problems I mean really bad back problems so he's in pain all the time.

What would you do then?

I been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have had sex less times then I can count on 2 hands and I am still with him because I love him too much...

I choose love over sex anyday but it's one of the hardest things I've done yet.

Well for one consider his feelings. It probably eats him up inside knowing he can't please you when you want all the time. It probably pains him that he can't.

But you have to do what makes you feel right. If you truly honestly feel like you love him, then I would stick it out with him. Only you can make that call though.

Well that's different, isn't it? What sex you can have is great. And, I assume, you guys have figured out ways to get around his back problems. Blow jobs and hand jobs were created for a reason, right?

I think I'm the only guy I know that really couldn't care less about sex, or physical intimacy on the whole. (Homonym pun intended, by the way). If I find the girl with whom I can connect emotionally and with whom I can converse to no end, why is there a need to connect physically? After all, the parts are always the same, just in slightly different shapes and sizes; personalities, on the other hand, are always unique. I recently confounded a more "free-wheeling" friend of mine with this logic.

Likewise, I see sex as merely a physical embodiment of love. I find the emotional expression of love to be far more important than any trifling physical expression.

Love is always more important than sex. Always.

While I agree with the poster above me to a limited extent, I think the answer to the topic question is "both".

You're kind of confounding me with your logic. My view is simply that physical attraction comes secondary to mental and personality attraction.

Case in point- there was an ad for "America's Next Top Model" last night, and although some of those girls were physically attractive, they sure as fuck didn't satisfy criteria number 2.

As for love vs. sex, I see sex as love played out between two people. Obviously in the real world, people screw for shitloads of reasons, being horny the main one, but I was never interested in having sex for the sake of it (I've had, and still have, too many male friends who go clubbing all the time, sleeping around, and wonder why they're desperately lonely and unhappy). That said, I like sex very much :)

Just on the woman who's dating the bad back guy- is there no way to 'cure' or remedy the problem? I don't mean the sexual one either!

- Spike

Your "free-wheeling" friend should've realized that sex is an expression of personality just as much as your favourite sitcom is.

Anyway, all you folks saying that personality is a factor in choosing a mate--of course! Of course you're gonna find people attractive for other reasons than their shiny hair or their C-cups. But the question is: would you rather be in love with someone who you're not attracted to and doesn't satisfy you (physically and/or mentally), or have good sex with someone you don't love (for the rest of your life)?

To me, both those prospects are pretty Goddamn depressing. I would much rather be alone.

Any reason why you're saying it has to be a girl if the physical part of the relationship and intimacy don't matter?

Oh my god, post of the year.

Holy fuck, I did not read the previous pages of this thread.. Thanks Brent, my wife and I will be laughing for hours.

Hence why I didn't get serious with a girl until I respected her, and really felt it was right.

- Spike

I love my girlfriend, couldn't live without her. I could and did live comfortably without sex before hooking up with her. It's easy as long as I have my beautiful concubine Leftina by my side. ;) Anyway, sex is just something me and the little lady do when we're bored and horny. It's fun, but I wouldn't trade all the sex with her from now till the resurrection for all the hanging out and having fun we do together... So it's love all the way for me.

I'm boring. I take the love.

Call me strange, a conservative or whatever but I can't have intercourse without love.

Fag.

Wait, that wasn't conservative was it? It was harsher.

And I also call bullshit. You can't have intercourse without love? Your dick is unable to get rigid without poetry and long term commitment? Bullshit.

Eh, you took that too literally. I feel the same way in general these days, that sex without some sort of deep feelings backing it up is just not worth it. I end up feeling guilty or just dirty afterwards. Admittedly it's been years since I've slept with anyone in such a capacity but I honestly doubt it'll somehow be better now than it was before.

Of course, theres a huge chance you were just picking on him for his choice of words and my post was entirely pointless but oh well, that's life for ya!

If it was truly a choice between the two, and there were no exceptions then I would have to choose love.

I do agree with some of the members on this site, that you need both in order for your relationship to last. You need to have that emotional connection with your special someone as much as a physical sexual connection with that person.

I kept saying to myself when I was in high school and in my early years of university that I don't need sex, I just needed to have that emotional connection to be truly satisifed. Then I eventually met my fiance and she was the first person that I had a sexual relationship with and then I realized how important sex does play in the long term stability of a relationship. I take a lot of pride that the person I lost my virginity to I'm going to marry.

Even though sex was kind of an issue in the beginning part of the relationship, we finally got our life to a point in which its stable, sometimes its tough with me being away from her at three months at a time. The sex life I have no complaints whatsoever.

If its thing I appreciate more than sex is the amount of love and respect I have for her. The emotional connection I have with her is something I truly can't explain because its just so great that me and her can have the most meaningful conversations. The love I have with her is better than what any sexual experience with her could possibly give me. Even though you need those two aspects to have a stable relationship.

As a stated if it was a choice between the two without any exceptions it would have to be love.

Sign me up for love. Having sex without love or passion, or any emotional feeling is BORING and a waste of time. Furthermore, love is what makes people feel significant.

I'd personally choose love over sex, even though sex is good :D its crap to me personally if theres no connection, passion and emotion. I've done the whole sex without feelings etc and I've got to say I didn't enjoy it half as much as I do now I'm in a serious relationship.

Well, this thread got me to thinking, so I asked my aged Mum, and got a surprising answer (to me). Here it is, as best as I can quote from memory. (This was like a month ago, methinks.)

Both. I can't love a person without physically expressing it with another. Otherwise, it would sheerly be a platonic relationship. Whether how good sex is, is a matter of perspective. One woman may find intercourse with you mind-blowing, while the other will think it's utterly terrible. It just depends on which female you do.

Additionally, I think monogamy is a farce considering that, naturally, the male's point of existence is to spread his seed to as many participants as possible.

Maybe it's because of my lack of well... any experience. But I'd have to go with love. Being that I'm 27 and have never been on a date, my interest in sex has kind of withered away. Not saying I don't want sex, but it no longer consumes my thoughts like it used to.