Chatting up complete strangers
 

I've heard that just chatting up strangers you meet is a good way to meet people, but I've never understood how this isn't rude. Maybe I'm just borderline autistic or something, but it always struck me as intrusive, engaging someone in unsolicited conversation with no common points of discussion but the weather. I know it would sure bother me.

This is a lot different from something like talking to other people in a club, where it's assumed you all share a common interest. Here, you're just walking up to someone who probably has business of their own, and dragging them into a forced interaction. Does this actually work for some people? Are other people not bothered by this? I'm just curious what other people's thoughts are on this.

I chat to random strangers all the time. Not like walking up to someone in the street and starting a conversation or anything but if I'm waiting for a train or some shit, I'll often strike up a conversation with anyone who's around. If they don't want to chat they'll either ignore you or tell you so, no big deal really.

How would you react to be chatted up out of the blue in public? I bet it would depend on how the person is coming across. I don't think most people would hate it unless the person was unpleasant and/or awkward. Course, I'm sure some people aren't going to have it no matter what, but that group certainly doesn't speak for everybody.

Of course, it would be pretty off putting if the conversation is forced and the topic is nothing that was a genuinely sparked thought.

chatting up complete strangers hasled to some really good friendships for me

Isn't everyone a complete stranger to you at some point?

I love chatting with strangers. Especially if they initiate it, cause then it's like I don't have to put any effort into it whatsoever. Lines at the grocery store seem easiest to me - one of us will comment on some product the other person has, or how long the line's been standing still. My favorite recently was this old lady who let me put my items in her cart cause I was dumb and tried to carry 10 items to the counter without a basket or cart or anything. I said thanks, commented on how slow the line was moving, and how people around here are always in such a hurry. She responded with her own views, and I asked her what she did and where she lived. Turns out she lives about 4 blocks away from me, so I told her where I lived. We parted with a "nice to meet you and thanks again!" and that was it. I don't think we'd ever remember each other if we bumped into one another again. But it was a good conversation.

And yeah. RAB has a point. Everyone's a complete stranger at some point or another. I suppose a lot of the time, you're introduced to someone by someone else, which takes the intrusiveness out of it, but they're still a stranger.

Its nice when conversations pop up out of the blue with other people but I usually wouldn't initiate them. I've had some really nice talks with some people, such as commenting on some display or whatever, they come as pleasant surprises and then I just move on. I'm wary of talking to strangers but if we're in a public place then I figure its safe as long as the conversation doesnt get personal, in which case it just gets weird. Its not as nice when random people decide to complain or rant about something to you and you don't want to hear it though.

I chat with a few people when waiting for bus stops or in a line or things like that, but it's just a we're-both-bored-so-let's-talk-about-shit thing. I can't say I've ever gotten a friendship out of it...

I don't mind when people manage to start a conversation with me while standing in a line or waiting in a public place in general. I admit that I don't typically initiate a conversation with others unless it happens to be in a classroom or at work.

Usually I am introduced to new people when I meet my friends at the bar or other social gathering. Since I am a very sociable and talkative person, I have no problem getting along with people I have just met. In all honesty, most of my current friends were just people I met randomly.

Well yeah, but the context is what's important. Complete strangers meeting together for some common purpose or interest, of course it's expected and appropriate to be trying to make friend.

Random person on the street, fellow shopper waiting in line, or some guy in a restaurant, you shoot the breeze on general topics, but it generally remains businesslike. I have a hard time seeing how it goes from idle chatter about the weather and the slow cashier to meaningful conversation and exchanging of numbers or whatnot.

My dad likes to do it, maybe part of his nature.
My friend seems to have a gift for it which makes everyone get along with him fairly well, which is why I became one of his good friends since the start of uni. I met him through a friend and he initiated everything (eg. add me to msn, talk to me first, etc.), otherwise I wouldn't bothered to have known him.

I don't bother talking to other people very much anymore, because although I've made my best and closest friends through initiating conversation with them one day randomly, I get the feeling it's because they're the kind of people that are nice to everyone and wouldn't particularly decline a conversation. Plus, I can tell when people don't bother to want to know me better which happens a lot, especially, friend of a friend situations. I think mostly past experience has deterred me from chatting. That plus, I'm a shy person.

I don't fare well at doing this. Mainly because I always end up saying something that stops the conversation dead, or people look at me like I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. However there have been times that conversations just happened and I hated to break away from them due to getting ready to leave the store or what have you. Of course, some of my best friends have been found through random conversation when I didn't know them at all. So I guess it's like a win/lose situation with me at times.

This is such a common thing for people to do in Australia. Strangers spark up conversations with each other all the time; it's really kinda quaint. Personally I find it a bit irritating because I like to get heavily involved with my iPod, but it leads to a much friendlier atmosphere than a place like England where everyone is a weird, isolated stiff.

A stranger hasn't really initiated a conversation with me often. I had the occasional old man ramble continuously about the time he went to the hardware store and got cheap deals, while we were waiting for the bus. Other than that, girls would just ask for the time or when the bus arrives. Sometimes, they even introduce themselves. I really don't know how to feel about it. It's confusing. Regularly, I do start conversations, but the only people that are strangers that I have an easier time approaching are classmates.

Ditto, in fact, some of my closest friends are people I've met randomly. I dunno, I'm pretty casual about it, if something worth saying to someone comes to mind, I'll simply go over and say it. And the conversation keeps going until they or I find the other person boring. Over here I guess I'm a bit of oddity, a shirted and slacked pitch-blackskinned African dude with a Brit/West African hybrid accent, so that helps a lot with small-talk.

I don't like beginning a conversation with random people, but if someone talks to me I'll definitely respond. Tucson's a friendly little town and people are always happy to talk to you, so I guess I'm just used to it.

Filipinos usually don't start conversations with random strangers, but the old people do that, especially in public places, they comment on something and hoping that the person next to them would respond to their comment. I don't really start conversations with strangers, but sometimes when I feel like it, I do. Usually I do that in bookstores. Foreigners (Americans) are usually the ones who come at you and start conversations, this one guy that talked to me out of the blue (in a bookstore) started by asking what kind of book I was reading (it was about painting), and then we talked about his daughter who's into anime and another daughter in NY doing comics, and some other stuff.

^^ ya... everything vemp said except for the fact that I rarely find myself in a bookstore :p. i'm usually always doing my own thing, so it's usually a bother when strangers approach, but i'm used to it. i don't mind if it's just answering a question; but i'm not gonna continue conversing or anything unless it somehow becomes about something i'm interested in, which has never happened. i might say "yeah" or something also if a stranger makes some comment out loud that i feel compelled to concur with. typically i hate dealing with ppl, but i'll do it if i have to. :D sometimes i think i really should've gone with espionage job...

my mom, on the other hand, likes to speak her comments out loud, and usually draws conversation that way, though those could go awry at any moment... she could also argue her point even if she's totally wrong, which is awesome. :D my dad's more like me though: a man of few words, but always right.

I just am too concerned with the fact that everyone is doing their own thing and don't want to be bothered. I had this issue too.

Great topic, I'm getting some great insight. :)

My job pretty much requires that I interact with "complete strangers". Though in my case, it's called building a clientele, so I suppose it is slightly different from what you're talking about.

In the case of just talking to people on the street/middle of the mall/store/whatever... I've never done that. I've had plenty of strangers talk to me out of the blue, and I respond, but I'm never one to initiate it.

I'm a sales guy at a retail store so I talk to sell stuff to strangers too but it's just different when I'm not on the job. I get shy and such outside and I think it's a tad rude.

I have been spoken to once by a complete stranger who was an absolute legend! We ended up having a long conversation (mostly consisting of laughter) regarding dried bananas and killer vending machines XD...never even found out his name...

I was never fond of really striking up conversations with random people IRL. And if I do, it's mostly nonsensical banter that wouldn't make any sense to them anyways. BUT, on the internet I find it extremely entertaining to do so. Mostly because of the intrigue involved between their reactions to you and the various things you say. I suppose you could get the same things out of a real life situation, but online it doesn't seem as obtrusive.

I like it just fine, but I hate being caught off guard, I'm never sure how to respond, and I always start the first response sentence with "UHHHH UMMM OH! Yeah, totally."

Like Monkey King, I find starting conversations with strangers is absolutely rude and intrusive. Especially if I were to carry on.

I will interact briefly, maybe complimenting a woman's bag or shoes or something. But I make an effort to not speak to strangers about nothing.

It annoys me when people use up my time when I am clearly trying to do something or even on a train or something. I am usually not interested in engaging in conversation with strangers unless they have something pertinent to say.

This could be because all the strangers that have always talked to me annoyed the hell out of me by being completely unable to shut up.

Exactly, it bothers me all the time. One man kept trying to talk to me even though he could clearly tell I was uncomfortable, though this was when I was a freshman in high school.

I've been interrupted reading the paper, a book, playing a game and so on.

I think this is it for me. I have not enjoyed one single out of the blue conversation, the people are either rude or don't know when to end the conversation. Maybe if I enjoyed just one of them, I wouldn't be so pissy about it.

Personally, I like talking to strangers. It makes me feel good to know that something I might say in a random conversation could be just what that person needed to hear that day.I don't mind talking to random people. Alot of time its just lonely old ladies. I like talking to them because they are pretty wise most times. And they actually can hold their end of the conversation. Its never just idle "oh the weathers nice today". Sometimes I hear these really long winded stories. It really makes the wait for the bus seem more interesting. Sometimes when I'm on the bus, bussing through downtown, some drunk person will sit beside me, and start telling me his tale of woe. And I generally just sit and listen, because sometimes thats what the person needs. Plus, it can be pretty funny stories sometimes too. I always attract conversations it seems. Theres hardly a busride where I don't have someone chatting it up with me. Its really cool in my opinion. Anyhow, thats my two cents.

This is exactly how people talk to strangers. Hang out in a place where others have the same interest it's alot easier that way. For the most part I am with you on the intrusive idea.

Setting is a huge thing. But there are many times I find myself talking to strangers outside of clubs and gatherings. Just random blotches of the world.

A huge problem for me is topic selection. I usually talk about two things at once so it's incredibly confusing for someone that doesn't know me or the way I conduct things.

Intrusiveness is hard to expect sometimes when someone is just looking bored, they might even be tired. It just seems hard to tell sometimes about a reaction... So it's pretty much a leap. I think this is another of the fears of unknown kinda thing I've been prone to fall victim to.

I was on a train recently and I found myself conversing with a Dairy Farmer from deep into the Irish countryside. It was obvious that the man hadn't been out of his local area in a few years, let alone on a train. Once I discovered he had no comprehension of what my video iPod was, I was full sure what I was dealing with: a man without a Television, rare enough even in rural Ireland. Nevertheless it was intresting to be able to fascinate the man with the concept of 300 "Records" on my iPod or the ability to take a photograph of my sleeping friend next to me with my phone. After engaging him in a discussion about the Strategic Defence Inititive and Reganomics of the '80's, he had to disembark at his destination. My friend then "woke up" and asked "How do you do it?" Talk to a stranger about nothing for 2 hours. To be honest until right then, I didn't notice I did. And it was only then I discovered he NEVER does. I guess I think it depends on the person. Peoples mood to a certain extent and their own desire for company vs solitude as well.

How do you guys pick the right stranger to talk to? Or is it some sub-conscious Oh-this-guy/girl-seems-friendly-lets-talk-to-him/her sense?

Pretty much.

After talking to strangers for a while, you kind of get used to how to conduct a conversation with people.

I'm absolutely weird/strange, everyone knows this, but I'm also humorous, so most of the times, my random conversations can go anywhere at any given moment.

I've ALWAYS met random people. At the Doctor's office, I met this dude who was into WoW. We went ot the Burger King next door (we had to wait hours to get in) and ate and cracked jokes.

I actually don't find it odd that a lot of the more prominent posters find it odd/disturbing/intruding. Why else would you be sitting on a computer all day if you had social skills?

...So do you have any useful advice you'd like to pass along? Or did you just wander in here to gloat?

I actually strike up conversation with people while waiting for the bus quit often, after a while its hard to count them as strangers. How this particular conversation starts are always the same:

Me: Which bus are you waiting for?

Them: This or that bus.

Me: Its it late again?

Them: yeah... I think so.

Me: Man.. that's stupid.

I actually started a horrible romantic relationship with a somewhat random stranger on the street. She went to my school and we where waiting for the bus at the same stop, basically the only two things we had in common. I said, "Hey, I'd ask you out but I don't know you," and went uphill for a little while, then came crashing down soon after.

I guess with random people it really is pretty fucking random!

I think I gave advice, IE: Chat up random strangers, make more friends.

I wasn't gloating in the least. I said I find it odd.

But whatever, take offense because you're a social retard.

a quick snippet of "hey your shirt is cool" or "nice shoes" is well, i guess acceptable and even nice. you aren't gonna get to knowing any interesting people if you don't put yourself out there and talk to them.

plus its my job to do such a thing as starting conversation with random complete strangers D= (at my job). so by now i'm used to it.
its like 'hey you lets talk about the weather so you'll buy more stuff?'

"Chat up random strangers, make more friends" is the biggest piece of condescending non-advice you could give, actually. But what would I know; I'm just a social retard, here to be obviously inferior to you so you'll feel better about yourself, right?

Sadly, I'm not very good at conversation. I get very shy and don't know what to say. I do try to talk to people if they start to conversate with me, but it just feels so awkward, and I am sure the person thinks I'm a complete retard. To the point, though, I don't think it's a bad thing to chat on the grocery line or at your kid's gym class or something like that. It's kinda nice to connect.

i feel its ok if the stranger just says a few things and give you a choice wether to talk back to them and strike up a good conversation but i do feel its rude when a person keeps talkin to you even after you kinda ignore them to show you don't want to talk to them :P if i don't feel like talking to a person i normally just smile, nod to whatever they said and look another way pretending to do something else ^_^;;

Other than a "good morning" or a "hello," I don't talk to strangers unless I have something to talk to them about. Like today I went to the store and a few people (two broads, one dude) were in there drinking. As I waited for my change I heard them mention my tattoos so I turned around and gave them a better view and we talked for a few minutes. That was that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with speaking to strangers if you have a point. If you're just being random then you come off as a weird fuck.

I'm not big on chatting with strangers. I'm not a big fan of small-talk in general at all. Whether it be friends or strangers. You don't really just jump into a long, engaging conversation with a stranger you just met, so it is usually small-talk. I don't like to initiate them, but if a stranger starts a conversation with me, I won't be rude and neglect them.

It has happened to me before plenty of times. Usually about sports. Like say I'm out somewhere with an Eagles jersey on, someone might start up an Eagles conversation. "How about McNabb tearing his ACL?" Something like that.