eHarmony.
 

Anyone else so pathetically desperate to meet people that they used this (or some other online matchmaking service)? I decided last month to do their 3-month subscription ($110; guaranteed 3 matches or they add on another 3 months and keep doing it until you get 3 matches) and I finally got my first match today. Unfortunately, she lives in Redwood City, CA. Uhhhh...I'm desperate to meet teh ladies, but not so much about moving/flying to the other corner of the country to do so. That will probably end up being a wasted match. I guess I should've left the settings at "search in my metropolitan area (60 miles)".

I did it once out of sheer boredom, I was rejected immediately. I've done it twice more over the years to see if the same thing would happen. It did.

Oh well, it's like not I'd find someone anyway. I mean, it is me, after all.

I guess it's a step in the right direction that I was at least accepted. Too bad I don't think I'll get many matches with the criteria I've laid out and based on my personality (hey, self-confidence...what?).

Hahah I live close to redwood city...what a coincidence.

Wierd how they set you up with someone far away in california

I briefly joined up, made my profile, but never signed up for the service. It remains appealing, but I don't know how much I want to spend for a service that is potentially a waste of time.

Heh, story of my romantic life, right there. Maybe I should...take a risk, so to speak.

You can choose certain distances for them to search for matches across, and the feeling at the time was I'd just be limiting myself even more than I would already if I didn't search the entire country. At least I'm not searching the globe, but if the point is to find someone you would be most right for love then you'd best understand the circumstances that it would take for you to end up meeting and/or being with this person. As such, I'm not exactly in the best of economic situations and I am trying to go to school so to move out to California and just try to settle into whatever sort of life I would have is a little more ballsy than anyone would tell me to be.

More to the point: I've been subscribed since February 5 and I've only just found one match. eHarmony doesn't hold back on matches (they promise to find you at least 3 matches on the 3-month subscription, so if they find more they should be giving them to you) so it's pretty obvious I can't be much pickier about my preferences which you don't really have much control over. You can choose the distance, religion, age range, how many children they have, ethnicity, between smokers and drinkers or not, and aptitude for children. Everything else is up to your "Personality Profile".

yeah california is a great state. Should consider moving over here.

My cousin moved over there recently, and he seems to enjoy it. I don't think he's made any lady friends yet, though, which is a bummer.

Double Post:
P.S.: her name is Sugar. And she's white/non-Hispanic. That better be a pet name. :eyebrow:

I tried it with horrible luck. Luckily for me I closed my account in time to get my money back. To those who have success with it, bravo. But it's not for me.

Worked for me.

By the way, what is so pathetic about finding people on the internet that you immediately meet in real life? Is there a cool way to meet strangers now or what?

Here's the Dopefish Theory of Meeting Internet Buddies: the distance needed to travel is directly proportional to the number of eyebrows you'll raise when telling people you're meeting someone you met online. Feel free to disprove it, because I know many people on GFF have met each other.

Care to elaborate on what you went through, Minion?

Hey, meeting online isn't a horrid horrid thing. Many folks (ie: Collegiates of scientific persuasions) lack free time or females around their fields of study to mingle with. What do you expect them to do if they can't visit bars every Thursday night or head out on weekends because they have several projects/tests the next week/day? Do you expect them to meet their betrothed in a lab room or something?

I'm rather close to trying it myself. I don't see the shame in it, to be honest. Plus, you know that they are out for dating as well.

Online matching services do not appeal that much to me at all. Although I am not too adverse to meeting people online for the heck of it. In fact, there are a couple interesting chicks I have met through various web-related methods and social networks. Unfortunately, the most promising ones are in Washington state and Arizona.
I would prefer to leave these things in God's hands, however, rather than attempt to utilize what men would consider to be "ideal" matches.

God created man; man created computers; therefore, vicariously, God created computers.

Your problem is what now? :D

He's referring to the old-fashioned way of meeting and clicking with someone. Doing this online cheapens it a bit by running through things like a shopping-list.

Yeah, Gechmir understands.

But I like your logic Dopefish. X-D

BTW I'm atheist. pwnt. ;)

I know.
It was still humorous.

I signed up for an sccount but never really finished it. But every week I get an email from the site telling who my matches are for the area I live in.

I'm serious about her name being Sugar, BTW. If that's her legal first name I don't know if I'd want to be in a relationship with her...I can just imagine it:

Me to a friend at a party, or something: Hey, I want you to meet my girlfriend! She's standing over there...Sugar?
*Sugar comes over*
Me: This is my friend, blahdy-blah.
*Sugar and Blahdy-blah shake hands. Moment of silence.*
Blahdy-blah: So, are you going to tell me her name?
Me: Oh, it's Sugar.
*Blahdy-blah stifles a laugh, I look down at the floor in shame and Sugar plans to kill herself in her sleep*

At least I know what a metasyntactic variable is.

I went to this site and I recall there being no option for fags. I was actually pretty pissed when I saw it.

Anyway, I don't like the idea of finding my love on the interweb. I hope it goes down a lot more happenstance than that :|

I really have never found the appeal of the online dating service. eHarmony, in particular, is guilty of pandering its services with what they call a "Compatability Matching System". I may not be the wisest man on the planet, but I'm still under the belief that this things called "chemistry" between people is not something I want to chalk up to a matching system.

Matching systems were made for printing presses, not relationships. :\

I sort of feel the same way.

I also don't like the idea of all the disorder and trial being removed from real life dating. This automated and mathematical pairing seems rather unnatural.

It's not just that either. That whole matching system gives me a very uneasy feeling about it. It seems that we are now beginning the process of de-humanizing the very thing that makes us human: Love and compassion.

I don't know... eHarmony pontificates left and right things like, "meet people who will love you and cherish you" only to be followed by "taking our 28-point compatability quiz to find your match". I'm sorry... Something doesn't click in this equation.

The internet is my place for entertainment. It's where I do my work. It's where I buy useless electronic gadgets that will be obsolete in 3 months. It's where I hunt for secret celebrity sex videos. It is NOT the same place I want to associate a pivotal point in life like "meeting my soulmate".

That eharmony guy wishes he was Don Knotts (aside from being deceased). I'm half tempted to do it, but at the same time, I'd rather not pay $110 bucks for them to set me up with somebody who I probably won't like anyways.

Dopefish, has your match contacted you? Can you reset your profile or criteria or whatever to search closer to home? Let us know how the whole thing pans out since Minion isn't sharing.

Jesuscrucifuckedchrist... Don't even get me started on him. That guy gives me the fucking creeps.

http://static.eharmony.com/images/partners/pic-neil.gif

I mean, look at this old fuck, for fucking fuck's sake!

I don't know...there's a lot to be said for compatibility. Some people place a higher importance on compatibility than they do chemistry. I guess it really depends on the type of person you are. Are you looking for someone you're going to get along well with, someone who's interested in the same things as you, whose personality type meshes well with yours?

OR

Is it more important to you to be with someone with whom you have that "spark" of chemistry, who you may or may not be all that compatible with?

Because you do realize that the chances of getting matched up with someone you "click" with physically are slim to none, right? I mean, what are the odds? That sort of thing rarely happens meeting people in person; I shudder to think how much more rare it is when two people are matched up by a computer.

So I say, it really depends on what you're looking for.

Unless she opts for "FastTrack" (which allows you to skip eHarmony's step-by-step shit and get right down to e-mails, which I didn't choose) what's going to happen is she's going to answer and then ask me 5 of 40 multiple-choice questions, then we'll send each other our "Must Have's and Can't Stand's" (10 things that you'd most want and not want in a partner), then we'll pick another 5 questions for each other, then we'll get down to e-mails. I'm betting that she's nothing like me in that I could sit here and wait and wait for her to answer my questions and send her's. Not that I'm really anxious about what could happen, but I've got nothing better to do. :p

And yes, I could change the criteria but the only thing I changed was my religious preferences. I had Judaism and Islam as two religions I'd go for, but I don't know if her entire family would be content with her being in a relationship with an atheist. :D I've scaled back to Christianity, religious or spiritual but non-denominational, and neither religious or spiritual, and hope that the lack of emphasis I placed on religious beliefs when answering the super-survey questions will be sufficient for keeping the devoutly religious at bay.

What's to stop you (or her) from seeing things they do on someone's "can't stand" list or things they don't do on someone's "must have" list and lying about it? I hope you haven't seen pictures of each other at this point in the process, because if someone was gorgeous, everyone would probably lie in order to get to meet that person.

Neither of us have any pictures available.

I don't understand the question you asked, probably because it wasn't worded properly. :?

Maybe this will clear it up: the must have's and can't stands are the top 10 qualities you choose from a list of about 50 must have's and 30 can't stands about your partner.

Believe me, if she was hot and had very little about her that appealed to me, I'd probably not pursue anything too aggressively. I'm getting the feeling, though, that she probably isn't all too smart, since:

• two of the three things she's thankful for are "music" (hooray for rhythmic melodies existing?) and "california" (hooray for manifest destiny?);
• the one thing she's most passionate about is "music and photography" (note: that's two things, and she's being slightly redundant);
• the most influential person in her life has been "her high school teacher" (I don't know about you, but I had more than one).

OK, say she sends you her "can't stand" list, and on it you see "doesn"t like spicy food". You HATE spicy food, but you're so anxious to meet her that you lie and say that you love spicy food. What's to stop you from doing that?

Was that worded better?

The Must Have's and Can't Stand's are adjectives that describe your ideal partner, not peeves and likes.

OK, whatever. Same principle. What's to stop you from lying once you see her lists?

Lordy. If I had know I was going to be pulling teeth like this I would have gotten my dental license.

Because you send your lists simultaneously.

Why the fuck would I want to lie? I'm not that desperate (lies; I'm using eHarmony FFS), especially not to meet someone on the other side of the continent.

Jesus Christ, you're thick.

I'm not saying YOU would lie. I'm asking how you know she's not lying. How does anyone who uses eharmony know that anyone else isn't lying?

I guess what I'm getting at is that even though you send your lists simultaneously, that doesn't guarantee that someone will be honest. You (and I mean "you" as in "anyone who uses eharmony") could get her (and I mean "her" as in "anyone who uses eharmony") list of must haves and can't stands and realize that you two are never going to hit it off, but decide to be dishonest and not admit that out of desperation or whatever.

It just doesn't seem all that fool-proof to me, but maybe I'm missing something.

Well you probably know the answer to your question without me saying it: you can lie all you want, if you want to. I don't think most people would spend $100+ just to lie about who they are and not genuinely try to meet someone, but there's plenty of con artists out there too. Who knows; perhaps Sugar is one of them. Maybe I'm one. I don't suppose if we never meet we'll ever know for sure.

From some curiousity I decided to try out the free profile test. Well, big waste of like, a half hour filling out that crap and getting no matches, ah well. Just further proves me point that I'm a weirdo =).

Apparently their test weeds out a huge percentage of the people who take it, so it's probably not that you're weird (though you can certainly claim that if you want :)) but that they're trying to be picky. (If you're not lying, that is. :p)

See, I didn't know there were direct questions to each other involved. That screws up everything. I thought you just filled out this super-in-depth personality profile that covered pretty much every imaginable aspect of a person (their personality, appearance, likes and dislikes, ect.) and you were matched up with a suitable person based on that.

Knowing that there's a potential for others to lie and just say what they know the other person wants to hear, what's the advantage of meeting someone like this?

Alice, they give you your match based on the personality profile that's compiled from the super-survey they pose to you before you even get the chance to subscribe. It's from that that they match you up with a person they suppose you'll be compatible with, and then you go through the questions.

If you need an idea of the type of questions involved and the answers, here's what I asked:

1. Would you rather date someone who is
   1. very busy, with a sometimes chaotic schedule, who books time with you in advance
   2. busy, with a structured schedule, you know what days the person will be available for fun
   3. slightly busy, who works during the day and is available most nights
   4. not busy and has lots of free time
2. What is your opinion of committed long-distance relationships?
   1. they are manageable
   2. they can work for a predetermined period of time
   3. they are only feasible for a short period of time
   4. they are impossible for any length of time
3. How do you feel about relocating for a relationship?
   1. If I met the right person, I would do whatever I needed to do to move and be with them.
   2. I would not want to move...but if it were the only way to be together I would do it.
   3. I would not be able to move under any circumstances.
4. Do you enjoy debating the issues of the day with your partner?
   1. I hate to debate about anything.
   2. Occasionally I don't mind a friendly debate, but I don't really enjoy it.
   3. As long as we don't get too intense, I enjoy a good discussion about general issues.
   4. I find it stimulating to debate various "issues of the day" with my partner and love it.
5. What is your opinion on your mate having opposite sex friendships?
   1. I believe both partners should have and actively pursue opposite sex friendships.
   2. I'm comfortable with a few well-established opposite sex friendships.
   3. I don't mind opposite sex friends for my mate as long as I'm included in the socializing.
   4. I would probably be uncomfortable with my mate having opposite sex friendships.

See, the trouble with lying is that you could lie correctly or incorrectly. I already know what answers I would want to see, so if she gets all 5 right then more power to her. :p

THANK YOU! I don't know there have been times when I thought I "clicked" with someone only to be let down, so there is a certain amount of truth to that. eHarmony sells a dream, not a reality and it really is pretty disconcerting to see this happen.

By and large, I have found that the best relationship I can honestly say I regret having ended was the most imperfect one. I'm not saying it was the most fucked up one here, I'm saying that it was the one that was filled with all the quirks and imperfections that REALLY made every little thing worth remembering.

I already have a group of friends who I "click" with. I would DIE if I had to put up with the same kind of projected illusion of perfection in a relationship.

Uh, you're acting as if it can't work, which is a far cry from you don't think it would work for you.

It's not about inserting rod A into slot B. That's just a silly way to think about it. There's quite a bit more that goes into a personality profile than mere classification, because, (duh) everyone's different. The service they give you is attempting to give you an overview of what they think you should look for.

I remember mine saying that I should look for a relationship that was competition-free, and I think that's one of the best pieces of relationship advice I've ever been given. After I heard it, it felt right. It would drive me up the wall to be around someone who was constantly giving me the business. That isn't to say that I'd never establish a relationship with a competitive person, but what are the chances of me staying in that relationship for a long time, without ending up storming out of the house? Slim to none. I think the same goes for a lot of the other questions they present to you.

What are you people talking about?

What's the difference in meeting people in a club as opposed to meeting people on the internet? Explain the logic behind there being more people you would end up liking at a club or something than behind a computer. This isn't the 80s. Lots of people use computers.

It's actually beneficial to meet people online, I think, because you can guarantee some level of compatibility. Whereas meeting people randomly in public settings doesn't give you assurance of anything. And yeah, people could lie, but not about everything. People lie in person, anyway. The only thing a computer makes it any easier to lie about is your looks and meeting in person solves that problem.

Whoa there, Nelly. I didn't say that it couldn't work, nor was I discrediting the fact that in fact it may work for some people. But I did, like you said, say that I think it wouldn't work for me because I don't see the appeal in it. I just think it feels like this rather detached and almost auto-mechanical way to meet people.

But hey, you could be right; I mean, it does work for some people. eHarmony isn't the largest and most successful without reason, I just don't agree with its practices, is all.

It's not like you're legally married if you get matched with someone. You meet and find out what they're like, just like any other date. Why wouldn't you want to start things off knowing you have at least something in common with the person?

Hmm good point, I see eharmony as more of a..."step" towards a relationship. Rather than physically going out and meeting people, this may just be a substitute to just pass through it without the hassle of socially drifting through people.

That really is true. I'd just be concerned about the "click," (which has little - if anything - to do with looks). But like I said, some people place a high importance on that, and some would rather be compatible and couldn't care less about chemistry. I think something like eharmony would work great for someone like that. For people like me and Enceph, the chances of finding someone through a computer are pretty much nil.

This dude is creepy, and this comment is brought to you by a self-proclaimed oldmanlover.

What a waste of fucking time. I got done with it and it told me it couldn't calculate for whatever reason, so I have no matches. That's pretty fucking stupid.

This happened to me, as well. Also, it doesn't like gay people. Apparently the founder is some sort of evangelist.

I've taken this (huge) test by the sake of getting the personality report, since I don't believe in Internet matching.

It has an absurdly high amount of questions, and (although I wasn't actually interested on it) I've got no matches. Zero. What a waste of time :lolsign:

It's still stupid to turn away potential customers because they're fags. Way to lose out on a lot of sales.

WHAT!?
Are you serious!? o_o;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

You're a really nice guy and not to mention, friggin' hot x__x;;

Y u sign up for crap? D:

Haha, I'm in shock <<;;
and this is only because I've met you irl once ;-; I never in my wildest dreams would imagine you having a problem finding a girlfriend (or a boyfriend, whichever you prefer :3 )

Well, then. Problem solved, Skexis. Looks like GFF is working out better for you than eharmony did!

It sounds like they're getting fat off the hopes of the desperate, to me. There's nothing wrong with meeting people on the internet in and of itself, but paying $110 for an online matching service is the very definition of desperate. And I'm sorry, but desperate people tend not to be the most ideal mates. It'd be fun to try for a lark were it free, but that's just a borderline scam, considering you're essentially throwing a hail Mary pass.

You know, going out to bars and clubs to meet people, paying for cover charges and drinks and also first dates with people you have nothing in common with just so that you can find this out also costs money. It ends up costing a great deal more than eharmony does.

Listen, all joking aside and I truly don't mean this in a mean way AT ALL, but if you're "desperate" (Monkey, I'm assuming by "desperate" you mean someone who has basically given up all hope on meeting someone in person) you want someone else who's desperate, too. It seems like online dating services would be great for people who a) aren't "shallow" and don't care about physical attributes or chemistry - and there are people like this; and b) for whatever reason have given up hope of finding someone by meeting them in person.

Sorry weirdo, already taken and engaged to someone else. ._.;

However, I still find it shocking, since Skexis is a hawty >.>;

But I'd wager it's considerably more enjoyable. $110, or $150AU is a pretty decent night out on the pull. $0-30 for cover, $10 a drink (roughly), transport not factored into it. That's still going to be around 10 drinks, plenty enough to have for your self, and for anyone that catches your eye.
Fair enough that won't last you three months or what ever, but I'd find it alot more enjoyable than sitting at home pining over a username or shit quality picture.

Well, I think the point is that you would meet them eventually, peeack. You know, like Kip and LaFawnduh.

I'm sorry Alice, I don't understand the reference.

Then there is no hope for you. ;_;

I'm not talking about going to bars for fun, peeack. If you're doing that, then you're not seriously looking for someone at a bar. For the people who are seriously looking, it makes more sense, at least from a financial standpoint, to use eharmony.

Says you perhaps, but I disagree!

How... clinical.

Or, you know, going to Borders and buying a book and a cup of coffee for $10 and seeing if theres any cute girls walking around?

Just quoting, you know, for truth.

Heck, you don't even have to buy the coffee. Just pretend like you're buying something, and "Whoa, chicks actually like reading THAT? Score!"

Still, it sucks that eHarmony rejected ya'll (myself included). Apparantly love and gamers don't mix...

How often does that work? Picking up chicks at Borders. If anyone has started a relationship that began with a conversation at a book store, I'd love to hear about it. Now, I'm not saying it can't happen, but the amount of coffee you'd have to drink would not only surpass eharmony in cost, but would probably also land you in the hospital over heart failure from the caffiene.

I got numbers a couple of times, but nothing big or mystical or amazing really came of a couple of dates.

See, meeting people the conventional way is kinda hard. I can't help but wonder if you are severely limiting your choices by choosing to do so.

May I suggest tittybars, gangbangs or crackhouses, Minion?

You're just coming up with excuses. See, I loathe people. People are these jelly-like creatures that slime their way through life without giving a shit about anything outside of their own tiny corner of the world. I'm fucking bitter because I'm the most obscenely staunch optimist you'd ever meet when it comes to people - but I'm proven wrong day after day after day. Embittered, angry - I go on being optimistic because I have once in a great while been proven wrong by people, only to have those same people taken from me somehow.

But those few people fuel me. They make me realize that if I'm going to Hell, I'll be in the best of company. Fucking and drinking in Satan's shitty little basement, I'll be the one who stopped making excuses and acted on stuff. Stop being this small-dicked bitch who's looking for an out before the game has even started for you.

I limit myself by my experiences through people, especially women.

So, you don't like the suggestion of difficulty, then? How about inefficient? Does that work?

What are you, the fucking Borg or something?

"Meeting people is inefficient. You must assimiliate into the collective."

Metting people the conventional way. Slow down and pay attention.

Look - you want to sit at home and jack off to porn the rest of your life, thats your doing. Don't go blaming the whole of humanity because you're some quack shut-in without any social skills.

... Are you trolling me, Lehah? Don't troll a moderator. It's just a stupid thing to do.

Nobody said anything about sitting at home looking at porn. We are talking about metting people on the internet as opposed to meeting people in real life. Now, if you care to join us in the actual conversation that was going on before you came, feel free to do so, but please don't continue trolling.

Had I been trolling. Would I be trolling. You'd have banned me from the get go. Let it be said that when I troll, there would be no hesitation in action.

You also are failing to see the point I'm trying to make. You, Minion, are coming across as being thick-headed and full of excuses. Pardon my tactless retorts but come the fuck on already. Look at it from my point of view - you sound like the roommate who refuses to roll out of bed at 3 in the afternoon. "This is too tough" or "I can't do it, its too complicated" wouldn't get you a job - so why would it get you a girlfriend?

I'm very happily in a relationship of over 6 months thanks to eharmony, so I don't know what the hell you're on about.

And by the way, this victim mentality thing? It's old. I don't warn you because I like having you around, but the exceptions of who gets moderated by me when necessary are few and far between.

I have no dirty laundry to air with you, Minion - so theres no need for me to scream and wail and curse your mother out on PM. I've said my peice on this subject and possibly on your seeming lack of spine.

I'll not comment further on this thread - provided no one bothers telling me about it further.

I decided to Close the match with Sugar because I'm looking for someone who isn't hundreds of miles away from me. :p

Narrow your results. You can taylor your matches for just about any preference you have.

Well I had put it at within 60 miles to begin with, but after about a month of no responses I put it up to the country, which turned into a wasted match. I had also changed the religion settings to include Judaism and Islam, but rolled back to Christianity for the aforementioned reason of possible family conflict. Not that love doesn't conquer all, but I've already had a hard enough time finding a possible match on both eHarmony and in real life and the smoother and simpler things go when I do find one, the nicer.

You know, now that I think of it, it's really not all that great for people who don't live next to cities. You might be SOL, unfortunately.

I disagree, personally I believe it would be MUCH easier if relations are held in the vicinity for personaly interaction is important rather than bland internet (aim/email) conversation.

You are transparent as glass. You're touting eHarmony as a superior method of acquiring a mate, because it worked for you. Consider how egocentric this is. The thing that worked for you must be the best, because everybody is just like you, has the same experiences as you, and the same opportunities as are available to you. I have to conclude that this is your mindset, because these are the only circumstances under which your sweeping generalization could work.

Just because you went out to bars and clubs night after night, being rejected by the fairer sex and having no luck at all, hardly means that it is an "inefficient" means of finding a partner. It simply means that it didn't work for you. It is one thing to argue that for some people, eHarmony works just well. But unless you're going to follow up by insisting that all people should be just like you in thought and deed, you're overreaching by suggesting that eHarmony is superior.

Throwing your weight around as a moderator doesn't win you any points, either.

Yeah, except that I mentioned that if you don't live near a city, it probably wouldn't work for you. So, there's an example of you not knowing what the hell you're talking about. Want to try reading the thread before you post?

Why the hell would I care what works for you people anyway? I don't get a commission and I could give less than a rat shit about most of your love lives. I'm confident in my opinion. If that bothers you, you know where to stick it.

If you continue to be proven wrong, then you're not optimistic. You accept your inherently negative perception of events rather then embracing a positive outlook. Kudos for trying to decieve yourself into thinking you're a more-than-reasonable person, though.

I agree with Minion that eHarmony can work for people, and not necessarily desperate people. People who get drunk at bars to meet other drunk people in hopes of making a drunk connection are just as desperate IMO. Being part of a community that uses mood altering depressant drugs to meet people is less desperate than using an online community based on personality traits? Mmmkay. As for Borders, it's an OK place to meet people, but people put too much faith in the ability to read. "OMG she reads books that have DRAGONS in them, she must be my soul mate!!!!"

Claiming eHarmony isn't a good way to meet people is rediculous in itself. It uses personality tests, etc etc. If you think your chances of finding someone compatible are just as good as if you'd go to a bar or book store, you're deluded. That's your "got to keep it REAL cuz i'm a MAN" 6th sense, while the rest of your brain is struggling to find any logical arguments to support your reasoning. The sense of "risk" and "adventure" that comes from meeting someone new at a store or bar doesn't increase your chances of compatibility no matter how much you'd like to think it does. If you look at it from a statistical standpoint, you're much more likely to find someone you can really get along with through a filtering of personality tests.

It's all just Luddite syndrome, I think. People are subconsciously afraid that technology will replace the human experience.

Or it could just be that people have had positive experiences with other methods of meeting people so they don't see a reason to completely supplant how they've been doing it.

If I'm really into doing drugs, I think the best place to meet people that share my interests would be at party where people do drugs. If I like to read lots of books, I could go to a bookstore or a library to meet people that do the same. If I'm into jazz poetry, I could go to some hipster coffee shop and try to meet women there.

It's not like I'm going to hit up an anti-war rally to pick up girls that won't mind a guy in the military, I'm doing my own sort of "personality tests" by choosing venues that generally cater to people with interests similar to my own.

It's no wonder why LeHah has such bad luck with girls.

whoops my bad hahah, I guess I should keep that in mind next time :doh:

At least he's had some kind of luck, though. That's more than some of you can say.

I wasn't talkin' to you there, dude. We coo' :cool:

Double Post:
Actually, that's irrelavant. I was pointing that out just to emphasize how much of an uptight asshole he is.

Hey! It seems you two have something in common!

I stopped trying to meet girls online after my experience last year.

First girl - when we met in person, spent our entire first date trying to convince me how Goth she had been in high school and would not talk about anything else.

2nd girl - Had a gigantic crisis every week. Ended up getting mad at me because she thought I was giving her too much advice for suggesting that she might want to talk to someone professional to help her deal with all of it.

3rd girl I never even met in person, because after I sent her a picture she asked me if I had ever thought about completely shaving off my eyebrows. When I said "no, why?" she suddenly got evasive and blocked me.

Is there potential for dating sites out there? Sure, I believe people can get into relationships off them including that e-harmony site. But everyone has a reason for posting a personal ad online, and you may not want to know what that reason is.

I can't help but think that this was just someone fucking with your head. :tpg:

Heh, it's possible. It was a very weird conversation and I wish I had saved it. She kept telling me that she was scoping me out "for a friend" but wouldn't tell me anything about herself or this friend.

It was pretty funny though realizing she had blocked me instead of logging off like she said she was.

There are a lot of women on most dating sites that are there for God knows why. Probably something to do with vanity. But eharmony is much better in that most people who will pay 50 bucks a month are going to take it seriously. I've tried several others and I wouldn't bother with any of them. Too many hazards, including the hilarious Nigerian scam artists who try to get you to wire them money by impersonating a hot chick on a dating site. They're easy to spot because they're the only women who will actively contact you on most sites. That and if you manage to talk to them, you'll quickly realize that they are not some chick who grew up in Brooklyn and somehow got stranded at a Nigerian hotel.

That fear is certainly understandable, but eHarmony is not intended to replace communication, but rather start communication. It's merely a people matcher. Now, if you continue to talk to your match through IM and email for the next year or so, that's your own issue. I see no problem going to bars or bookstores to meet new people and make new friends, but to go into those situations expecting to meet someone you'll actually have a deep connection with and marry is purely wishful thinking. Sure it may have been successful for some people, but if only 20-25% of the people who go to bars and bookstores find the love of their life (and that's being generous), an alternative method for finding a significant other is completely welcome

Are you sure she wanted you to shave them off completely? Because that's messed up. Could it be that you have a unibrow and she thought she might be attracted to you if only you did something about it?

Heh, I do have a unibrow and I asked if that's what she meant and she said she meant the whole thing.

Shit, eHarmony charges $50 a month? I guess that helps weed out people that don't have a somewhat decent form of income (poor grad students being left lonely again :( ).

50 bux for what?! Imaginary people? I guess I'm still confused as to what this site is all about, because all I got was some lame-ass thing telling ME what I'M like. I don't see profiles, or shit.

Well, if you managed to join the site, then it must not be entirely full of imaginary people. Perhaps other real people are there as well.

If you don't care then why are you still here telling people they're luddites if they don't care for a fee-based dating site? Or are you just here to mock those who don't share your views?

I was not aware of a $50 monthly charge on top of the $110 entry fee. Like I said, getting fat off the hopes of the desperate. This is only slightly less distasteful than televangelists convincing people to send them money in the name of Jesus.

I fucking love Monkey. ;_;

I think theres something fundamentally fucked up about online dating services - be it a local service, a large internet service, or otherwise.

What happened to "getting to know a person" and failing a few times for experience purposes? Doing the work yourself and being able to determine whether or not a person is for you? This service just encourages those who are already socially inept to become MORE socially inept.

There's nothing terribly "biological" and "scientific" about what they're doing, guys. Don't think there's something special and awesome about it. Its the same old singles ads, except this time, theres a robotic Jewish yenta.

There is no entry fee, and I don't care about people who don't want my advice (namely you). I'm here sharing my opinion for people who are actually interested (the thread creator).

In fact, if you hold out and don't sign up immediately, they will send you an email giving you 3 months for 40 bucks. If you can't afford that, what the hell are you doing to do with a woman on a date?

Oh, you would.

I generally appreciate intelligence, yes.

Don't hate me because I know how to socialize with actual human beings. ^_^

You seem to appreciate people being a pain in my ass.

I fail to see how he's being a pain in the ass, sir.

I share his opinion that you get upset with people when they just don't agree with you. At least I can admit that I have the same problem.

I don't think eHarmony is the best thing since sliced bread. It may be a temporary fix for the people who can't seem to meet others in any other form - but I don't think its right to encourage it.

I got upset because Lehah was being as obvious goddamn troll for no reason. Then this guy chimes in beacuse he's got some kind of problem with me.

I can sorta see how I caused this, yeah..

You got upset over LeHah? Wow, Minion. You should know better than that.

O quit your bellyaching.

I think you're overly defensive, Minion. Relax. People aren't always going to see things the same way you see them.

Now if he was actually trolling, I wouldn't have felt the need to jump in here. But you started waving your badge around because he said mean things to you on the internet. You were so busy being outraged by his personal attack that you were oblivious to how he was shooting down your flimsy arguments.

I don't see anywhere in the board rules where people have to be nice about pointing out how someone is full of shit. It really sounds to me like you're just crying "troll, troll!" because you're lost an argument.

Could you please just read the entire thread before posting? I mean, in general too. It never ceases to amaze me how confidently people will post without knowing what the hell is going on in the conversation.

We were talking about meeting people online and Lehah started saying something about being a shut-in and looking at porn, which was completely off-topic. He probably didn't read the thread either. If you have a problem with me calling people on trolling, then I don't know what to tell you, but I'm not going to argue with you and ruin this thread. This is my last post in response to you.

So I went through their personality test last night (loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooool at asking my interest in "Water Sports") and wound up with three people within my 'metropolitan area' right away (oddly enough, none within the city, all are in the outlying suburbs).

After reading through some of the profiles, I could see how this would work for certain people, though I don't really think I'd be that interested in any of the matches that popped up for myself.

Of course, I also lack a car while at school to actually go out and do anything with people from 15 minutes from out of the city, so it doesn't really matter a whole lot.

You get new matches just about everyday. I think they withold most of them so that you will actually consider the ones your given instead of just treating it like a candystore, like people do with all the other dating sites.

I was just surprised that I'd get three as fast as I did, with how many people in here were complaining about not even getting accepted to the site.

Here we go with this BS once again. Did you even bother to read this thread or did you just jump in? You don't get to know the person THROUGH eHarmony, eHarmony lets you meet someone that you'll have a good chance of liking. How does this eHarmony process have ANYTHING to do with "getting to know a person"? How you get to know that person depends on what you personally want to do after eHarmony gives you a match. And again with calling it's subscribers "socially inept." I'll join the stereotyping and say people who go to bars are abusive alcoholics, yay!

And for Christ's sake, LeHah was trolling, let's take a looksee:

Yea, that's certainly what to say in order to win an argument.

*For the record, I've never used any kind of matchmaking service.

You know, if you're really from Spain as your country flag seems to indicate, then it's doubtful you'll get any matches on a US-based site.

No matches for me either, but I'd rather blame France. Since I'm such an awesome dude and all.

Whoa whoa whoa, buddy. Before you pull a sixgun on my ass, pull the stick out of YOURS.

I kind of SKIPPED all the bullshit, yea. Because thats not what I was intending to reply to. I wanted to talk about eHarmony. NOT LEHAH.

I said exactly what I meant. You know what experience is? It means going out, testing the waters, and finding what you like all by your little self using that LUMP OF TISSUE 3 feet above your ASS. That requires going places, socializing, and trying to get to know people.

But noooo, if you'd rather sit at home and BROWSE a meat-market of pre-selected candidates for you to "date," by all means, GO RIGHT AHEAD! One less jackass I'll have to deal with out there.

God forbid you'd actually have to go out, talk to a person and investigate what they're really like! You'd rather have a nice spreadsheet and image gallery to chose from, as though you were browsing for a used iPod on eBay!

What is the difference between randomly meeting people in a public setting and (not so) randomly meeting people the computer picks for you? This is the question that none of you have been able to answer so far.

Maybe some people get off on the possible(?) excitement generated from randomly walking up to someone and trying to score with them, instead of being matched up with a person you have a better chance than not at being compatible with.

Sure, but the has nothing to do with the effectiveness of eharmony, which is what this thread is actually about, I think...

LOL I actually laughed at loud when I read that. It's so GRRRRR (though I guess my post earlier was as well)! Anyway, you don't socialize with the person through eHarmoney, you get to know they exist through eHarmony, and then you go out somewhere to socialize with them, get experience talking to someone new, etc etc. Hell, you could even go to a bar together if you want! All you naysayers are claiming this service replaces the experience of meeting someone, but it doesn't. All it simply does is make you aware of people that exist whom you'll likely have common interests and goals with.

Well, I'm not sure of all what they tell you about the person if you get matched up, but I doubt you get access to the surveys they took. eHarmony likely just says "hey, you'll probably like this person, go check them out," not "hey, you'll probably like this person, here's their entire profile." It may give you general things like "enjoys excercise" or crap like that, but any idiot knows that you'll have to actually meet the person to find out what they're like no matter what the survey says. Regardless, it's undeniable that eHarmony is a useful, and most likely a more successful way of finding a relationship than hoping to meet someone at a random bar or bookstore.

I think we've answered it about a million times by now, sweetcakes.

Y'see, if you guys could actually ACCOMPLISH going out and meeting people on your own, what the bloody hell purpose does eHarmony serve?

Let's use a metaphor, shall we? Maybe I can make my point better that way.

People. They like food. Most people NEED food a lot. Some people, they go out all the time, and expect someone else to cook for them. They can't cook for themselves.

Other people know that cooking is pretty important. Sure, you can get by without any knowledge on how to cook. But you're a lot better to know how to do it yourself, see.

Bad analogy. Alright. What I am saying is that you're having people PRE-SELECTED for you to meet by a robot, essentially. That is NOT HELPING YOU AT ALL.

Welcome to Sassland. Enjoy your stay.

Yea, see, what aren't you getting about "defining a pre-selected group you get to know."

How about you get out there and be your OWN goddamned eHarmony.

Yea, maybe you guys should stop relying on your computers and actually go talk to some strangers. Not PRE-SELECTED strangers from group A B and C, or possibly the combination of one of the three.

Hello. Human interaction. You're not going to like everyone you meet. You need to be able to GET OUT THERE. You need to do it YOURSELF.

You know what I think? I think you all should stop being so damn uptight and analytical about how people meet one another. Is there a guidebook telling you the right way to meet people? I'd like to read it for a good laugh.

Besides, you're all conversing on an internet message board, writing to people you never would have had a chance to in the first place. Is that WRONG? Are you a BOtard because of it?

It could possibly be right or wrong.

But what is wrong is just throwing around words that are specific to your region as a way to insult us all.

:lolsign: Are you trying to make sense?:lolsign:
I'm not trying to insult anyone. I guess that's mindset around here, though, isn't it? "OMG is he trying to insult me in that post? OMGZ"

It's insulting when you use words that pretty much nobody else, besides those that live in your region, will ever understand.

But you're an idiot, so I suppose everyone will over look it.

Maybe they'll even overlook your usage of retarded emoticons.

Wow. "You're an idiot"? I suppose I'd better go tell teacher now. Again, you have no fucking clue what I was saying in the first place. And it's apparent, because you're turning it all around, trying to hide the fact that you have no idea what I was saying by directing insults at me. And "everyone will overlook" my supposed idiocracy? I think the only person who has a beef with me because of that post is you. It's pretty fucking smug of you to think everyone will back you up on your stupid little remarks that really have no purpose in this topic, and don't make any sense in the first place, don't you think?

O wow, who called in the LOGIC CLUB PRESIDENT.

"Hey gays, why are you discussing this on an internet message board? GOD. WHATS THE POINT?!"

Shut the fuck up. You know what happens on internet message boards? Conversation. O WOW. IMAGINE THAT.

If you hadn't noticed, the book is an aide for those who are INTERESTED in learning how to do things in a certain manner. Some of us are plenty capable of going out, making friends, hanging out, meeting potential mates.

Other people don't have such an easy time at it.

It's a bad analogy because when you go out to eat, your subject to the company's menu. You're not in control of your options. With eHarmony, you create your own. It's like own your own restaurant with your own menu, and eHarmony says "hey, this person made a similar menu like yours." Analogy FTW!

Are you saying when you go to a bar or bookstore you aren't defining a pre-selected group? Bar = people ok with alcohol, people probably ok with smoking, people who are probably more social than others. Bookstore = people who enjoy reading in their free time, people who probably have a higher IQ than those at a bar, etc. Where you socialize automatically means your choosing one specific "kind" of person over another, so don't claim you're being open to all options. When was the last time you strolled by homeless people to find a date HMMMM? Maybe you'll find true love from a man living in a garbage can, or are you too worried about material wealth, mmmm? eHarmony is simply taking your filtering system one step further. The actual socialization with that person is left completely up to you.

Are you so dense to keep going to the same goddamned restaraunt?

Maybe you should just learn how to cook your own goddamned food. Assuming that people are going to cook for you for the rest of your life is kind of dumb.

Actually, I usually meet people in completely RANDOM places. I don't go anywhere to specifically seek out people. I bump into interesting people almost EVERYWHERE I GO in the most unlikely of places. THATS what I am telling you - you need to learn how to just LIVE.

I'm trying to hide the fact that I don't give a rat's ass about the rest of this topic?

It still doesn't void the fact that I think you're an idiot. And I must have hit something close, because if I was completely off base with calling you an idiot, you wouldn't have written as much.

Making the process rather clinical, as I said previously. Thrill of the chase and all that. Why are some people afraid of the unknown?

Because o god they might get REJECTED! And then they'll just feel terrible!

Precious feelings, you know. Very precious.

BECAUSE THE UNKNOWN MIGHT SAY NO.

I agree with you, peeack. The ride is the most thrilling part! I wouldn't have missed out on that for anything. But then again, not everyone is a thrill-seeker, you know.

EDIT: Dang it Sass, you beat me to it!

Uh, you can get rejected on eharmony. Happens about 90% of the time, actually.

But isn't it easier getting rejected over the internet versus in person?

But its easier than getting rejected IN YOUR FACE, right?

Your computer rejected you. Not a chick standing right there, where you actually have to listen and watch as you get bitterly rejected.

Instead, you get a little note saying "NO THNX"

And this, sir, is my point.

DAMNIT ALICE.

Not really. I've been rejected both ways. It's easier TO reject over the internet though, but that only puts the eharmony user at a disadvantage, which is contrary to what you people are claiming.

No, we're saying eHarmony uses are ALREADY at a disadvantage.

I am not saying ALL eHarmony users are fucking losers. They're obviously NOT, man.

I am just saying its a service for people who aren't really....uh....good at social shit. (And thats not BAD, exactly. I've told my friend Sarah to join because she SUCKS at talking to men. She agrees, and has considered it. She just can't afford that kind of money with her expenses right now. =/ )

I am just saying eHarmony ENABLES you people to suck a social shit. NOT ALL OF YOU! Some of you just don't have TIME, I am sure. But the majority of the users? Socially inept. Sorry.

Arguing with you is like being on a particularly nauseating merry-go-round.

Eharmony is FOR people who want better odds at finding someone they actually like. Do losers use it to hide from the real world? Sure. Good on them. But that's not what it's for and it is effective in it's intended purpose as is evidenced by it's popularity, my first hand experience, and the fact that it just makes sense.

If you don't like the ride, get off. No one tied you to the horsie.

Ever think that maybe its popular because people are so goddamned lazy? I am not saying that YOU'RE lazy. I don't think thats your problem.

I am saying that you should not rip yourself off of the experience of going out there and falling flat on your face in rejection and failure. Without the MANY MANY MANY rejections and failures, you get a skewed sense of reality.

Life isn't about typing your name and likes into a search engine for people and popping out good results. You need to experience the bad with the good.

And when I say bad, I don't mean that you need to read a bad profile or get a bad match.

Hey wait a minute, Sass. Didn't you and Pang meet over the internet? Also, I have every confidence that you would have found the right person for you regardless - and probably in person - but for some people it's just not that easy. I don't know Pang, but from what I've gathered, I'd guess that he'd have a much harder time finding someone in person than you would.

Oh, I've been rejected enough, thanks. And I've had relationships with people I've met by chance. All you lose is the awkward "does she like me" stage, which you all seem to love, but speaking personally, I could do without.

Yeah, Sass is being a huge hypocrite, but I wasn't going to let the argument degenerate into ad hominem (I know you love that phrase =D).

God damn. The only "social" part you're missing out on by using eHarmony is the "what's your name, where do you live?" part, because that's the information eHarmony gives you. Why do you people continue to insist that eHarmony somehow takes away socializing??? Initiating socialization with said person is easier, yes, because you're both using eHarmony. But the actual TALKING TO SOMEONE NEW part still happens.

The only case you can make against eHarmony is that initiating conversation is made "less adventurous." And by "less adventurous" I mean you'll be surprised when you find out a lot of what they do probably won't piss you off, unlike that AWESOME realization you most likely come to when trying to meet people in a completely random fashion!

I think you just nailed it. Some people would call it the exciting "does she like me" stage, but you see it as awkward. eharmony is perfect for people who aren't interested in the thrill of things.

Perhaps people such as myself just find the thought of "human interaction" like the kind you've been giving rather sickening.

I find it sickening too. But you have to do it. The world is full of sickening people. It's not fair to deny it.

And yea, I'm a HUGE HYPOCRITE because Pang and I met ONLINE. Let's ignore all the other people I was with, shall we? I didn't use a service to find Pang. I didn't have him pre-selected from a meat market. I was actually with SOMEONE ELSE when Pang came along. It was a matter of bumping into him in a really BIZARRE manner.

And I am not against meeting people online. Lots of people DO that and succeed.

I am against what eHarmony stands for: Enabling social ineptitude.

So you can take your hypocrisy and shove it up your ass, Minion.

We've already discussed that it's not a meat market. You don't get to choose your matches. With other sites, you go around looking at pictures and you talk to whoever you want. That is a meat market, yes. With eharmony, you get maybe 3 matches at once and you have to deal with those people. You don't get to look for others.

I don't see why. I have to do it in my job, already, but why should I have to do it when I'm searching for someone who will understand me?
Why on earth wouldn't you want to cut out a lot of the unnecessary bullshit, and get rid of the people you know you wouldn't like in the first place?

Why SHOULD you? Thanks for proving my point! Everything is laid before you quite nicely, isn't it? "Hello, Minion. These are your three MATCHES! Good luck!"

It is pretty much taking your tastes, right, in say FOOD. And telling you "Well, you like calimari and pancakes! THESE are the GREATEST CALIMARI AND PANCAKE SHOPS IN THE WORLD!"

It IS a meat market, but not in the way that you usually think of the typical proverbial meat market.

You don't get to chose ANYTHING, do you. Heh

Because thats how mate selection goes. Do you know how much you LEARN from the experience?
Because you need to learn how to think for yourself. It IS necessary. THATS what I am trying to tell you. ;_;

Not really. But that's how you've accepted mate selection goes, not how it does. It's convention versus invention.

You know as well as I do that I have ready opinions of my own. You can't even fill out the personality profile on the site unless you can talk about what you like and what you dislike. Being antagonized by some bitch that's lecturing me on the finer points of why she likes watching Desperate Housewives, and eating salad, ravioli (and oh yeah, let's get dessert too) off of my dollar doesn't inform me of anything except what I already know, which is that honesty of personality is practically nonexistant in a traditional date setting.

You know, I never thought about that, but the stuff you know going into an eharmony relationship will generally take you about a month to get a feel for otherwise.

I really disagree. I think its very important to be able to get out there and not fear failure. Failure is as great as success. eHarmony caters to those who are afraid of failure. I think people need to stop worrying about it so much and learn from failure. Theres a lot to be said about learning from failure.

Thats not to say you CANT fail at eHarmony. Nothing is failsafe.

Yup.
Sure.
Your dollar wouldn't buy you that, though. (Chances are, anyways. LIke I said, nothing is failsafe. The INTENT is for your bypass that shit.)

Its important to know that if you DO go out on a date with a woman like this (ahahaha, I would hate it too), you have the right to chose and learn from your decision. You simply either duck out of the date or you never call her again. You have learned something you DISLIKE and you have learned how to DEAL with that.

You're missing that entire experience from eHarmony. You're just given people that you're most likely to have chemistry with. Which in my book is ultimate cheating.

If it's cheating, what's the test? To find happiness? And who's grading?

I totally disagree with you there. You're given people that you're COMPATIBLE with, which is an entirely different thing than chemistry. I'd bet my left arm that the percentage of people who actually experience chemistry with a person they meet on eharmony is less than 1%. I mean, that's hard enough to find meeting someone in person. Compatibility? Things in common? Sure. But chemistry? No way.

Nice misinterpretation, Minion.

"Selling yourself short by a long shot." Hows that. You want to misinterpret that, too?

Alice, chemistry and compatibility (did I spell that right?) are the same in my book. Sorry. It lines up people you HAVE A GOOD CHANCE of having something with. Hows that?

And "activities you mutually enjoy" aren't always going to score your your perfect mate. (Its hilarious to think so, though!)

Well, it looks like none of us are on the same page.

One thing, though.

It's more than just activities. They ask you a bunch of questions about your personality. Is there something else that's necessary to secure your perfect mate?

It depends on who you're asking. To me, chemistry boils down to purely animalistic sexual attraction to a person. I've dated a ton of guys who I seemed to be very compatible with, but nothing "clicked" physically or sexually or whatever it is. I can't even articulate it, to be honest. But it's something that's either there or it's not, and I can't live without it. Also, it rarely happens (to me, anyway).

Some people can, though, so I'm not knocking you.

Probably not. Its fun to discuss, though.

Depends on who you are, frankly.

Alice, we already know that you and I differ vastly on the topic of "physical" chemistry. I tend to ignore the looks and go straight for whats in the head. Some people seem to look at the barrier of looks before whats in the head. Its all depends on the person.

I really want to figure out what this "chemistry" is. Are you quite certain that it's not just a subtle personality trait that you can't articulate about?

I think "chemistry" is just something that causes two people who have never met before to really....um...jive well together.

I've met people (who I never intended to be my mate) that I REALLY jive well with. You're comfortable just sitting quietly with silence between you. There IS no awkward silence. You just kind of enjoy each other. And it feels like you've known each other a long long time.

A person you can let yourself be REAL with, I guess?

Minion, it might be, because I think it has very little to do with a person's looks, as evidenced by the fact that the guys I've dated who wouldn't be considered conventionally attractive are often the ones I've been the most sexually attracted to. I've often wondered if it's a smell. It could definitely be a personality trait, although if it is, I've yet to put my finger on it.

Now, Sass. What you're describing is the kind of rapport I have with one of my close friends. He's a guy though and I'm not gay. So, is chemistry possible between two people who don't want to have sex?

No, that's comfort. Not chemistry. Two COMPLETELY different things.

That's the thing, though. How do I know whether or not she was being socially open with me? How honest was she being? Was she chatting me up because she was nervous, and there's really a lot more going on behind the scenes?

Do I really want to spend more money to find out? Do I want to waste both of our times and make obligations that don't pan out? Do I want to give her the wrong impression because I'm curious about knowing her a bit more intimately?

And don't try to tell me that these things get easier to recognize with experience. I'm sure to some extent that's true, but what it really boils down to is gut instinct.

Alice will disagree with me, but ABSOLUTEY.

Chemistry means (in my head) that some things are MEANT to go together. Not necessarily for sex, but for mental health and camaraderie that naturally exists between certain people.

I mean, hopefully, the person you eventually settle down with longterm IS your best friend, right? Thats most important, no?

You can't worry about it. If you worry like that about every woman you date, you're going to end up wasting a lot of your time.

Off topic, I hate people who aren't honest when they meet you. Just TALK to me. I'll talk BACK. Be true. ;_;

(Also, this is where that EXPERIENCE could help in being able to determine these things! ^_^ )

Wow. You DO need more social interaction. ;_;

How about taking it step-by-step, really slowly, and not worrying about those things. Just show her who you are - if you do, hopefully SHE will feel comfortable to show YOU, too. Not everyone is socially OUTGOING enough to lay everything on the line and take some risks.

Its an art. It really is. Thats why I HATE these dating services claiming to be able to do miraculous things for lonely people. They need to do it on their own. ;_;

I disagree. I think you need to know what card game you're playing before sitting down at the table.

If you don't know the rules of the game, you won't be able to do the best you could do.

Don't yell at me.

So, in conclusion, Chemistry is another of those words that all women use and yet none agree on. Like "confident".

I think "confident" is pretty clear cut. Who the hell decided it wasn't while I had my back turned?!

Well, some women secretly mean "obnoxious".

Who the bloody hell are you talking about?

WHO thinks confidence is obnoxious. WHO. I don't think I've seen any GFFing FEMALES say that shit.

In summary, I think possibly the worst words that I should ever have to hear are "I had a good time tonight."

ORLY. Care to expand on that? Give me more than the normative prerequisite for spending my money.

What he means is that he thinks women secretly prefer the obnoxious, rude types, but they veil it behind the "I like confident men" statement.

Which is retarded.

No, I just think that most of the young ones can't tell the difference.

Welllllllll, some women do. Not all, but a lot of women LOVE that sort. My sister being one of them.

Personally, I can't stomache them.

You and your retarded stereotypes. I bet most people on eHarmoney don't give a shit about failure. The reason it DRAWS people is because they want to stop wasting years of their life hoping a random encounter turns into a soul mate.

First of all, jackass,, it's HARMONY. Not HARMONEY.

I don't know about you, but if I know a person isn't right for me, my brain says "GEE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD MOVE ON."

Are you seriously this slow?

Sass, I'm curious, what's your feeling about traditional matchmaking services? You know, those video dating things, phone line ones (are they actually anything other than glorified sex lines?), and speed dating services.

I'm a little frightened by your asking. I am sure you have an ulterior motivation, and you're going to pidgeonhole me.

Traditional matchmaking services? Like an old Jewess dingbat? ^_^

I don't really know. I kind of frown on them, too. I mean, its not too hard to go out and talk to people, is it? And of the pool you speak to every now and then, you can't find anyone you'd like to explore? I mean, maybe its me, but I LOVE to explore people, you know?

I don't think personal ads, video dating services, and all that bullshit works too well. Maybe its just me, but, you know, I think only *I* can judge best. Even if a person shares my interests, political views, whatever - that doesn't mean they're going to be more likely to match what I am looking for, you know? Maybe I WANT someone different, who does things differently, SEES things differently.

But then, I am a crazy bitch who is really hard to follow. I guess what I am saying is that I would never want someone to match me up with anyone else. I can do it myself, you know?

Maybe if I had no time, I was never around people, or something, I would have an excuse. But even on the JOB, you can meet people.

And I guess thats my entire point. People should just meet other people as much as possible, even if they fucking HATE other people. Believe me, I am no advocate for the love of every person. I usually end up disliking most people.

But the fact is that I got out there and I tried by myself. And I am sure a lot of people on eHarmony have, too. But I HATE to think its just a tool for people to be lazy and excuse themselves from social interaction (like VG, for instance.) Bothers the living hell out of me.

Did I rant enough?

Same here. What about newspaper personals? Those are almost exactly the same as 'net personals, right? (N/M you answered already.)

I think eHarmony is a lot of fluff. The commercials show all these couples who fell in love and got married through them, but what is the failure-to-success rate? How many people meet, and then decide they can't stand each other? How many of those people meet "fall in love", get married and then divorce soon after?

The way it's portrayed in the commercials, it appears that you're guaranteed to find the love of your life. In fact, isn't that what the founder dude says? (Aside from guaranteeing it.)

Yea, a big thing you should keep in mind is that its a business. It's not there to make your life better, though I am sure it provides a service to a certain amount of the population out there.

But they're in this to make money. Not to make the world a better place, one match at a time.

We're having a conversation about method. Is that suddenly not ALLOWED, Devo?

Why the fuck would anyone care what another member believed in religiously? Why the fuck would one member care about another's taste in video games?

Hm. I WONDER.

You're not hating on us because that's how you hooked up with your dude, are you Dev? (And by "how" I mean "over the internet". GFF isn't really meant to be a match-making sight. (I think.))

I mean, I could sort of understand if eharmony was a scheme and it worked for no one. Then people can get up-in-arms. But it works, so I don't see what the fuss is.

I'm not saying that at all.

I think internet relationships are usually much different from real-life relationships. I feel this way because 99.999999999% percent of people you'll meet online are a good bit different in person from their online persona.

I've met 5 people offline after "getting to know" them online. All of them were different. (Sure, they were a lot LIKE their online personas, but there were some big differences once I met them face to face.)

Hell, 2 of the girls I've met (and spoke with frequently) online were perky (to an annoying level) online, but shy as HELL in real life. If they'd have been up my ass face to face as much as they were online, I'd have smacked them.

Getting to know people online is far removed from getting to know them IRL. It's not fucking natural (or healthy) to type back and forth with someone you're in an intimate relationship with. (That's *my standard*, but it seems like a reasonable one to me. I think it would be pretty odd to meet someone IRL who is LITERALLY named Super Mario. Also, think how close a parent would be to their kids if the only contact they had to them was through a PC.)

In essence, meet people online. Get to know them in real life. (Unless all you're looking for is an online relationship.)

You completely misunderstood that post. Read it and understand it, please.

But other than that, feel free to be insulted for no reason!

Feelings or ideas are easliy misunderstood online. I agree with eks, somewhat. I don't think it's a bad thing to have online friends, but when it comes to guy/girl relationships, you've got to be together in person (obviously). You can't make babies over the internet.

They actually DO affect my life.

Its the mentality of letting other people do things for you when you think you can't. Its the state of mind. Its the enabling aspect.

The entire fucking country is turning into this whole shithouse of "I can't do it. It's too hard." This is just the icing on the cake. You can no longer get laid without aid from some outside (commercialized) force.

Pretty sad if you ask me.

And as for you, Smoodle - I don't think I will.

Sass, how about speed dating? You're out there in a physical place (be it a bar, restaurant, or some other social place) meeting lots of people. Sure, it's a little more forced than just hanging out at the place, but you're still getting all the face-to-face interaction that you were whining about earlier.

Personally, the biggest thing keeping me from going out and meeting people isn't that I'm afraid of being rejected, it's that I'm really really fucking cheap and don't want to buy someone dinner when there's a pretty good chance I'll think they're an insipid meatbag.

Then again, I guess after going through the introductory eHarmony thing I can see the appeal to it. For example, I know I can't be attracted to someone that's not self-motivated and that's a pretty tough trait to pick up just by looking at someone (and a bit of an awkward question to ask someone on a first date).

What? Understand it? It's actually a pretty simple point.

Ok where were we? Oh, that's right: argument for argument's sake.

Did I not just go over the mentality for you, Devo?

I don't care about people getting laid this way so much as I do the ENABLING IDIOTS part of it.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. ENABLING.

So you don't want people with poor social skills to be able to enjoy their life? =\

I think they should learn how to deal with society instead of hiding from it, yea.

So not everyone is expected to live in a civilized society?

Wow. Wheres the ticket to get off this rollercoaster ride. I've been trying to find the door OUT of this shit hole since I was put in it!

I kind of see where you're coming from, but I'm with RR on this... I'm all for getting all the idiots laid. Because if we could get some of the "idiots" laid we wouldn't have that many of them.

For example: I lobbied to use some of the Serious Business AdSense funds to get Simply Majestic a fucking escort. That's really all the kid needed, I guarantee it. If he could have let out some of his sexual frustration by donkey punching a handsomely paid hooker, maybe he would be a productive member of Gamingforce. And thus now, he's banned. :(

Man, that kid is probably gay. You're looking at all the wrong audiences. ;_;

Albeit a noble cause, I wonder never say "Here, have some sex" when they can't do it on their own.

It's kind of like feeding wild animals.

It. enables. an. increasingly. retarded. (literally) society.

Don't worry about cooking! Life can be easier with this wonderful invention called the drive thru. ITS NOT EVEN SPELLED RIGHT, but you get our drift, don't you? Thats all that really matters, isn't it?

Well, fuck... Maybe I am. :confused:

Double Post:
But if you FORCE FEED them, they become subservient. Do you see where I'm going with this?

RAPE 4 $ALE~

I really don't see how a place like eHarmony is going to rape a "civilized" culture. If anything, it just opens the door to more options. The rape of civilized culture hides within the confines of our corrupt government. That is where the real problem dwells.

I'd imagine most of the people on eHarmony are able to hold down a steady job and manage to go out into civilization to buy themselves food and clothing; how does them not being able to smooth talk some lady from a blank start suddenly make them unfit to be in a relationship?

This entire post is based on the premise that everyone on eHarmony is socially apt.

Which defeats the entire purpose of eHarmony. If they were all socially excellent, they wouldn't need an internet dating service, would they?

AGAIN, I am not saying ALL. I am sure a GOOD PORTION (although not the majority) of these people really have had shit luck finding someone and have exhausted their options.

But I think a vast, vast, VAST amount of them are VG-esque in lesser proportions. Its the fucking internet, dude.

So if they are VG-esque then when they meet the other person the other party will be completely creeped out and he'll get dumped after the first date (or as soon as she goes to his house and sees his desktop).

The people that are completely socially adept will still get their asses dumped, though there's always a chance that maybe they'll hook up with some other socially moronic individual that otherwise might not get out and meet people.

Think of it this way, it'll keep the morons out of all the places you like to go to try and meet people. Fewer crap first dates for you.

That is the dumbest ass analogy in the first place, and makes no sense if you're relating it to eHarmony vs. random encounters. As I've said before, like THREE times now, eHarmony DOES NOT replace the part where you get to know someone! I mean do you even know what the fuck eHarmony is? Do you think it's some website that you and your match's minds JACK into and then date and get married THROUGH the website??? Sass you can't win an argument by dreaming up your own visions of what the website service provides. You have no logical basis for any of your arguments other than "these people are socially inept because I say so! go eat fast food dood!"

eHarmony is a filtering system, that is all. It filters out people you already know you won't like AS YOU YOURSELF define in the questionare.

You think this service somehow denies experience. IT DOESN'T. You have to meet, communicate and learn about this person on your own. And if it doesn't work out, you get REJECTED and learn that wonderful part of experience as well! I mean where the fuck do you get off saying it takes away experience? It takes away the experience of talking to random people, NOT the experience of dating someone. And if you believe the only healthy way to meet a prospective significant other is by talking to random people, you have your head up your ass.

*edit*

Actually, THIS is the entire flaw in your argument. Being able to TALK to a random person doesn't mean you're going to like them, and it doesn't mean you'll be able find someone you'll want to date. How the hell can you make an assumption like this? You think the gods of love will magically guide you to that right person as long as you talk to every stranger you meet on the street?

^ Yeah, I agree. Give some proof to back your claims.

I had a random wacky thought earlier, and from this day forward, I don't think I'll ever be able to separate the image of Sass in my mind from a Blunderbore.

http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/3...derbore8hw.gif

"What do you MEAN you want to use a dating service? Don't you have any RESPECT for yourself! Et CETERA!"

I would like to take a moment to point out that not all online relationships involve socially inept twits and desperate people who hook up simply because no other options exist.

I am a case in point. I never used a dating service, but the larger point stands.

I can see where Eharmony might cater to the socially awkward, but that doesn't constitute any error on either side. Introverts need love too and if there's a service that eases the intimidation factor of setting up dates, why shouldn't people use it?

Just because you think you're better than to need any dating service, Sass, doesn't mean all people think like you.

Sure, you can express feelings in text. You can also convincibly express untrue feelings (like saying you're not upset when you really are) a lot easier in text.

You can't see a person's body language, their eyes or hear the tone in their voice in an email. All of these things can give you clues as to how they really feel or what they're really thinking.

There's also more reaction time online. People who are normally slow-witted and shy can often be very out-going and witty online.

That's not to say online dating (services) are a bane to humanity; I'm merely saying it needs to be held under a different light than traditional dating.

Of course. I've only been trying to offer my opinion and advice on this sort of thing.

That's not a good point to try and make, considering what a lot of people think of your girlfriend, Crash. <_<

I think it's just as assumptive NOT to think that eHarmony is chiefly populated by the socially apt. In an ideal world, online dating services provide additional resources to otherwise socially adept people who have few opportunities to meet people, for reasons likely outside their control. But in addition to these people, you have the wallflowers who fail at real-life social interaction, and turn to the internet as a means of last resort - i.e. the Sir VG category.

The crowd on eHarmony is going to have considerably more human failures trolling around than you'd meet in real life. As many losers as you're going to get paired up with and have to reject, it may very well be less efficient (heh) than simply driving out of your way to a club in a neighboring city.

And none of this factors in the fact that online conversation is inferior to face-to-face communication. So much is lost in mere text conversation that tells you a lot about a person, good or bad. The possibility for success is still there, of course, but it's so greatly diminished from real life interactions that it seems like an awful lot to be pinning $50 a month on.

Incidentally, heard an interesting bit of news today, too. Though they're not part of this lawsuit, just remember that it is not actually in eHarmony's interests for you to actually find love.

This would be true except for the fact that some people actually have a much easier time expressing the ideas in their head through written communication rather than verbal. While you do lose other subtle communication, like body language, you gain a person being able to take the time and more precisely communicate whatever they want. It’s different, but I wouldn’t consider it less.

Actually, on the point of only the inept using online dating services. I know my stripper friend who goes out to bars/parties/social situations every night she can (and plenty she can't) and still tries to meet people through MySpace and a few other online dating sites. Last guy I remember her saying she went out with she met on MySpace and she said he was a bit better than most of the other people she's dated recently.

And that's fine if you plan on living your life through a computer, but sooner or later if a relationship is going to progress, you're going to have to meet this person in real life that you've won over with your dazzling internet wit, charm and confidence. And then what?

Not to interrupt a perfectly good heated debate, or anything, but I just want to point out that this month's Atlantic Monthly has a rather in-depth article about eHarmony, chemistry.com and other such services, with interviews with the creators of these sites, and the rationales behind the matching algorithms they use. It's an interesting read.

It's a biiit different, because I doubt you game to GFF with the intention of finding true love for ever~~

Man, I love how all you people are defending this shit so voraciously because some of you met your significant other on the internet.

Remember: So did I. But I wasn't using a dating service on the internet to do it. There lies my point. I am sure Devo and Ed are very happy! I am sure Crash and Jup are very happy! (Well, as happy as they could be.) You happened into each other. You're all pretty socially adjusted, from what I can tell.

Crash, I think it's hilarious that you say "not everyone is like you, Sass." A lot of people are, actually. You know, people who don't live their lives on the internet or anything? People who prefer to do things the old fashioned way? I can tell you that almost every person I know - with maybe one or two exceptions - feel the same way I do.

As we all know, I am a strong believer in natural functions. And if a person is socially inept - if a person can't help themselves, then yea. They shouldn't naturally be able to keep a mate.

You know that old saying. You can't love someone else until you love yourself. If you ask me, the socially inept need to learn how to do math before they go relying on a calculator for all their mathematical needs.

I don't think theres any shame in finding somone on the internet. I think the shame comes in when you pay someone to get access to their list.

Gee Devo. You're bad at using your brain, aren't you.

How many times I am going to have to REPEAT for you.

Read LeHah's post. Maybe that will make it a little clearer on where I stand for you.

I'm the idiot? Because I *won't* pay to access a list of people with similar interests?

You're really a little unclear. Maybe if you calmed down a little, we could discuss this!

What's wrong with paying for a service? What kind of a pinko are you?

I only pay for services when I can't do them by myself.

Apparently, this is not a very common trait in Americans.

You can create a list of compatible people in your area yourself? How many people do you know?

Why would I want a list? One is all it takes.

That was very mature, Devo! I am certainly impressed! I am glad we can have an adult conversation!

So you applaud laziness, then? You think its encouraging to urge people to take the easy way out of things in life? Because you have to admit, eHarmony is a pretty easy way out of having to actually LOOK for a person you like.

You could call it "efficient."

You almost tricked me into thinking you're right. STOP USING SUCH GOOD WORDS, DAMNIT.

So. You think that short-cutting is efficient? Is that what you're saying?

Society has always used technology to make life easier. Why should this be any different?

Get with the times, Sass.

You could call the NAZI WAR MACHINE efficient, too!

I'm a Luddite, sir.

I think that knowing how things work and being able to understand them is more important than using them. You know, like math. Technology. People. Things. Its always best to understand something before you try and use it.

Wouldn't you agree?

So you're trying to understand edating sites so that you can start using them?

Or are you trying to understand PEOPLE? So you can USE THEM?

Just because a person is better at expressing their ideas through written communication doesn't mean they can't express their ideas verbally.

Why would I?

I encourage people to be efficient. And in being efficient, you need know everything you can about the topic at hand in order to select the appropriate algorithm.

In otherwords, efficieny takes a lot of knowledge.

And I would put money on the fact that the people on eHarmony don't have that knowledge, considering they're on eHarmony looking for people like themselves.

Of course, but here's what sometimes happens. You think you know a person because you've talked to them for weeks or months or even years, and then when you meet them they're a completely different person. It happens.

To me, if you're a completely different person online than you are face-to-face, you're a liar.

Do I have to try eating grapefruit with my bare hands before I can move on to using a knife or should I just use the current technology and be done with it?

You use a knife to eat a grapefruit. What the hell?

Once again, you're not reading everything I said. *SIGH*

Theres nothing wrong with trying to find people like yourself. Just do it the real way, not the easy, lazy, EXPENSIVE way.

I don't GET you people. Pay to see a list of people who are like you. INSANITY.

I wouldn't call people who are different online lairs. The internet is just a different medium for communication. Of course people are going to seem different. Some people make use of the ability to think before they say something. You don't really get that much in real life.

The more lines you cast, the greater your chances of catching a fish. I wouldn't immediately assume that just because a person uses an internet dating service that they don't also seek out people in real life.

You mean liars?
We're not even DISCUSSING that. ;_;

People need to learn how to interact and discover others. Theres none of that bullshit with online services. Sure, you eventually MEET the person and work in ONE DIRECTION, but you never really get any EXPERIENCE with people.

Man, I accidentally switched two letters in a word. SASSOWN'D

So it would be OK for someone to present themselves as something that in real life they clearly ARE NOT? Which is more real, Minion? Online communication and relationships or REAL ones?

Ahahhahahahahaha, man. Come back and tell me that when you and Ed are living together and are ready to SLICE EACH OTHERS THROATS.

Theres a reason they say being around your partner 24-7 is the ultimate test. An online thing ain't no thang. You lead a life OUTSIDE of your computer, without input and opinion from your partner.

And Minion, sorry. I was just trying to clarify if you meant LAIR or LIAR. ;_; I know people fuck up, man. I wasn't trying to be a bitch.

Devo, its a LOT HARDER to lie in reality. If you're knowledgeable about people - if you have experience, you can nail a fraud almost EVERY TIME.

It's not a question of "real" Alice. If you can't speak and you use a talking computer to communicate for you, is that being dishonest about yourself? Who gives a damn how someone behaves anyway? It's their thoughts that matter. At least that's how I feel.

Well, silly me. I guess if a child rapist wants to go out and party it up with a couple of 6-year-old girls it's OK as long as he's thinking nice thoughts. Behavior shouldn't matter at all.

That's not what I meant by behavior and you know it.

That explains your apparent extreme frustration! Jesus. Take some valium, Devo.

I know that isn't what you meant, but how can you say that behavior doesn't matter? I really don't get that. If anything, behavior matters more than thoughts. Jeez, if I acted on all of my thoughts I'd have a harem of 24-year-old hotties living in a tent in my backyard. It's our actions that define us, not our thoughts.

I am suitably impressed by the variety of ways you have chosen to emphasize words! Even though in my quote the italics are lost. =(

I wouldn’t blame that on the communication medium so much as I would blame it on people having ego complexes. Especially with online communications, because you’re not always restricted to plain text.

Ego referring to self image and not arrogance.

I guess what I'm talking about Alice is how we present ourselves. Not really our "actions" per se. I'm more talking about our superficial personality traits. For example, I don't care if you talk a lot or a little; I just care about what you have to say.

So is the argument still that dating sites are superior to meeting people in person, or is the argument now that you shouldn't be hating on people who try to save time by having their computer tabulate matches for them?

I want to make an argument about how more efficiency isn't necessarily better for society, but that's sort of another topic entirely.

Married couples do, actually. People's little idiosyncratic habits have been the doom of many a marriage. Couples aren't just a pair of robots that beam thoughts at one another and occasionally have sex. People have odd little quirks, and while they might be individually tolerable, added up they can produce a surprising amount of friction once the infatuation fades.

This is the sort of thing you don't get to pick up on, just chatting with someone over instant messenger. Someone who seems interesting solely through the medium of text can very quickly grow unappealing when you get a chance to see how they behave in person. Like I said, personal habits and body language speak volumes about a person, beyond the words coming out of their mouth.

Wrong. Your profile is is there for other people to filter out, and their profile is there for you to filter out. eHarmony doesn't match people who have the same interests, so much as it matches you with people that you say you'll like.

Here we go again with your bullshit argument that it doesn't give you experience. Experience with people is SEPERATE from trying to find someone to be with. Someone who uses eHarmony may go out to bars all the time and make friends, find out what they like about people, blah blah blah. eHarmony is for the specific purpose of finding a significant other, not for socializing and making friends and finding out what you like in someone.

In fact the argument can be made that people who use eHarmony already have experience, and have moved beyond that phase. They already know what they enjoy in someone and what they don't. If someone signs up for it without that experience, just assuming they know what they want, then yes they're socially inept and being dumb. But as for the number of people who do this, I don't know. You seem to think it's 90% of the people on there, a number which came from the part of your ass labeled "Sassafacts". I think it's more likely that people who sign up already tried traditional random-dating and didn't find anyone, thus they already have that experience and know what they want and don't want in a relationship.

Now if you disagree, PLEASE give me your definition of "experience," because it must be different than mine, and thus retarded and incorrect.

What does this even have to do with what I said, jackass.

Someone who uses eHarmony may go out to bars all the time and make friends, find out what they like about people, blah blah blah. eHarmony is for the specific purpose of finding a significant other, not for socializing and making friends and finding out what you like in someone.[/quote]
We all know what eHarmony is for, jackass.

I see you're speaking from inexperience!

No, I think you made that figure up for me. I never said that. Great reading comprehension, though. THUMBS UP!

Kind of amusing.

Thats entirely speculative.

You said it yourself. If a person disagrees with you, their opinion is "retarded and incorrect."

Because opinions can be "incorrect." You're a hilarious kid. Did anyone ever tell you that?

You said on eHarmony people look for people like themselves, which isn't true. eHarmony matches you with whatever you say you like in another person, which may or may not be what you yourself are like.

No, you didn't say that, which is why I said "You seem to think." When you say "most people on eHarmony are inept social retards," it implies that a great majority of the people are in this category, and 90% was just a visualization. Nice job picking apart a sentence instead of actually responding to the point.

I said it jokingly because I like arguing with you :). But I see you didn't answer or rebuttal my argument that there's no connection between joining eHarmony and loosing out on experience. I guess it boils down to that you believe in a perconcieved stereotype and I don't. (shit another cooking reference!)

It makes MATCHES for you, presumably based on interests and other crappy calculations.

MATCHES.

I am sure they're not going to put a skinhead nationalist with a orthodox Jew together.
Can you tell me where I came up with the "90%" figure? You quoted me on it. I want to know where you got that. It establishes credability.

I noticed.
I'm guessing you like to put a lot of things in my mouth.

Again... no significant responses... is this a sign that you've lost the argument? *gasp*

OK. Read what I say carefully now, it may be hard to understand. If person A says "Most Jews are retarded" every 5 seconds, person B may come up and say "You seem to be antisemetic." Person A cries "no i'm not, I never said that!" Now, apply this to our situation. You say "most of the people who use eHarmony are socially inept retards." I say "You seem to think 90% of eHarmony users are socially inept retards." You don't need to have actually SAID 90% in order for me to make an implication on what you believe. See, the word seem turns it into an implication, not a fact. Basic English.

Oh, you have no idea... >.>

Not so much as my having to repeat myself over and over for you to understand what I am trying to get across to you. You've pretty much been the only person I've had to repeat myself over three times for, now.

I don't see you quoting me with that 90% figure.

Seriously. Find it.

51% = most, silly cakes.

So 51% of the people there are socially inept to your standards?

LOL, that's exactly the same way I feel about you. This argument's getting kind of old now anyway though. I'm going to Japan in a year or so anyway, and I don't think eHarmony reaches that far. Japanese chics dig Americans though, so that shouldn't be a problem.

I would say that, sure.

Of course, that ALSO is speculative. And almost entirely up to one's own deduction of "socially inept."

But it being an internet service and all.

Well it does advertise on TV, so it's not like it's only drawing people who spend their lives on their computer.

You are keeping in mind its a business, right?

Any SMART marketers for the product WOULD get TV slots.

Yea, but that also means a much larger market is aware it exists. They probably only did it to make more money, but it also means there's a better chance you'll meet decent people on the site.

Who said the internet's only for losers?

Not only for losers. Hey. We're here, right?

But there sure are a lot of fucking crazies out there. Right? ^_^

I think you have to be a pretty big fuck up to resort to internet dating sites.

Hey minon, you met a couple of people off of the site, did they all seem like internet-recluse types?

Also, sass, I seem to remember you complaining about repeating yourself to devo and myself earlier in this thread. Ever wonder if you're really shitty at getting your point across and our comprehension skills might be fine?

Why do you never cap my name. ;_;

I didn't tell YOU that I was repeating myself, did I? No.

And yea, I've made it thoroughly clear in the past that I am not the BEST at words. My reading skills are pretty good though. I just have a hard time chosing words. But I've used different words every time! ;_;

http://www.gamingforce.com/forums/sh...9202#post39202

Guess it wasn't aimed at me for once, but there's the one at you yelling at devo for having to "repeat yourself over and over."

I'm pretty used to you complaining about it in enough PP threads, so that might be why I thought you were going after me.

Also, just had this thing at the top of my page while I was looking to see if they'll ever give me more than three people's info to look at a time.

If that actually means anything.

Edit: I didn't cap since I hardly capitalize anyone's username unless it's a two letter abbreviation.

I never even VISIT PP anymore because of this shit. And I thought, you know, I have told you before (and others) that English is not exactly my forte. I try to learn from Pang, I really do. But I just don't have a way with words like he does, alright? ;_;

Stop being paranoid. ;_;

Also, Devo was being mean. So I wanted to be mean BACK. TAKE THAT DEVO. ^_^

Yea, I noticed you didn't cap Minion's name either. Sorry.

Why are you silencing a minority? I'm never correcting you, Sass.

Actually none of the people I've met or talked to on eharmony seem like internet recluse types. Most of them, like me, just don't enjoy going to conventional meeting places.

Are you suggesting that you don't like going to places like bars or clubs to meet women {or men}? That's ABSURD.

Man, I still can't seem to find out how to meet people on eHarmony. This place is retarded, and I can't believe I'm here backing the place up. I'm sure it WORKS for some people ... but fuck this shit, I'm-a goin' huuuooome.

Man, you're in school, you should be trying to hook up with those women in your classes, not worrying with eharmony. College classes are pretty much the easiest way to meet a ton of women with minimal effort and minimal emotional risk.

Hey sass, I was just thinking. You keep saying how you like things to be the old fashioned way. Well, aren't arranged marriages the old fashioned way? No need to be able to chat some chick up at a bar when your parents set you up with the only other girl in your village.

Edit: Also, the girls at my school make me want to stay single.

I seriously doubt the kind of person I would want to be with would ever be found in a bar or club, although I have no problem going places to meet people.

I was with a girl from my church for a while, but it didn't work out. Oh well. I guess I can file that away in my "real life experience" folder.

Hah, I'm not trying too hard with the online dating thing (as in, not at all). And most of the people going to the college I'm in right now are focusing more on just getting the hell OUT of here. But you're right. Once I get into the 4-year thing, I'll go on babe-safaris.

Strangely, Sass sounds more and more right-wing the more of her posts I read. =o

One might say that using alcohol to 'loosen up' so that you feel more confident in approaching women is also cheating (well, not so much cheating as denying you the opportunity to build your skills). You should learn to socialize without relying on chemical enhancement.

See, now that I agree with. And what's the diffrerence between being drunk and being behind the computer in terms of honesty and confidence?

Curse you and your good points, SS!!

But really, I guess it isn't such a good idea to rely on anything, whether it's alcohol or a computer or anything else, to make you something you're not. It's just plain deceptive.

You know, as much as I wished we lived in a village setting these days, I can't say it work in today's day and age.

And when I say "old fashioned," I don't mean medieval. You should know that. But hey - arranged marriages often worked out back then. I don't promote them these days, but I hear the Moonies do.

Thats hilarious. I promote self-responsibility. Not reclusive assholes on the internet.

Agree.

Who ever said I think the bar is the best place to meet people? It's among one of the worst, depending on what kind of person you are.

Question: isn't that the very definition of being a shut-in?

I didn't say that the bar was a great place to meet people, but I think I was the one who mentioned bars. I mentioned bars because in my area, bars are where most of the people around my age {mid-twenties} go to socialize on Friday nights. Personally I drink very little and wouldn't go to a bar to try to meet someone, because chances would be reasonably high that we would be incompatible. What would be the odds that I would be dragged to a bar with friends and meet some girl who is similar to me in her drinking and bar hopping habits who was also dragged to the bar with her friends? Probably kind of low. Also, re: using dating sites to meet people in your area who have similar interests to you, why not go out to a place which caters to this interest and see if you can meet people there. Just a thought.

Agree 100%.

For example. I hate to bring this up, but (EDITTED FOR MEMBERNAME) was telling me last night about how he's "making efforts" to meet people - by browsing Craigslist and other online services for friends.

This is almost so completely beyond comprehension for me. "I am going to make friends IN REAL LIFE using the internet!" With that expressed intent. Mind-blowing.

And Monkey: YES. ^_^

So you're not so much old fashioned as you just think things should be a certain way and you use 'old fashioned' as a way to make it seem like you have justification for your stance.

Also, I think SkyDragon is going to have an arranged marriage in a few years. I remember him talking about it a while ago in chat. It's hardly medieval times for him.

Depends.

I'm thinking you only consider 1800 and back as old fashioned. I call that "archaeic."

It's an ambiguous term:
Essentially anything that is outdated and from the past.

I had a friend who dropped out of high school because of an arranged marriage.

Whats your point.

A few posts back RacinReaver found this on the eHarmony website:

In other words, interests like reading books and playing a sport aren't taken into account. These kinds of things are what you use if you go searching in your local area for people, but eHarmony thinks that these kinds of things hold no real value if you're trying to find someone you'll really be compatible with.

This is the most ignorant statement you've made yet. I don't even know what to say. You belong in the 18th century.

My point is that arranged marriages aren't necessarily archaic (PS, if I point out a spelling error on your part, does it mean I automatically win the point, too?). Hell, I'm pretty sure they lasted in Japan through World War II.

College age kids have a good option. Alabama is pretty unique in that pretty much anywhere in the state, you are an hour's drive away from a metropolis where you can find something that suits your needs. Tuscaloosa, Montgomery, Huntsville, Mobile, and Birmingham.

But I see your point, and it is valid. I think, though, that most people, if they are unhappy where they live because the area does not offer them anything that interests them, tend to migrate to somewhere that offers them something. I don't particularly care for where I'm living and don't feel like it offers much for me, and I would like to have a significant other in my life, but at the same time, my career is priority one right now and I have a job that will be very helpful for my career in the longterm. So I stick around here for a while longer and explorer options for moving to somewhere that does offer things which cater to my interest more. At some point you have to decide if you're living in the right place.

Now, I'm not saying that meeting your significant other online is bad, but I wouldn't go out to the world wide web specifically seeking to meet my next exgirlfriend-turned-lesbian.

They are far less common than they once were, however. Much like my old-fashioned point of view.

Just like women who cook, women who sew, and women who tend exclusively to the children are slowing becoming less and less. It is an "old-fashioned" point of view that women belong in the kitchen.

Also, I was taught in school it's archaeic, but whatever. I looked it up and it seems my spelling of the word is ALSO old-fashioned. Much like everything I believe in.

It's not quite ignorant, sir. I have personally known many people who have been happily married in an arranged marriage. It's usually more of a religious thing from the people I know - some tradition.

Would you like to speak out against that? It goes on today, en masse, in lots of parts of this country. They CHOSE this future.

Also, I may well belong in the 18 century - but I'm doing pretty well here and now.

It was mostly to point out your statement that "arrangemed marriages often worked out back then." That's because you couldn't get a divorce.

So?

I mean, they used it for a very long time. Consider how long divorce has been acceptable. Thats a miniscule amount of time in reference to the amount of time marriage has existed. They just got loose enough to use it.

And now, marriage is taken entirely too lightly, in my opinion. But thats a whole new topic, man.

I guess what I am saying is that "just because you love someone" doesn't necessarily mean you and your lover will make an ever-lasting, long, happy marriage together.

It goes from one extreme to the other, here.

I think Sass is trying to make the point that, since most marriages wind up loveless anyway, arranged marriages are no different than consensual marriages. Technically this is true, but that's still a pretty damn cynical way to look at it. People's typical lack of judgement in picking their own mates doesn't exactly make it equally okay to force a spouse on someone.

I'm not saying forceable arranged marriages are cool. When people CHOSE to be hooked up with a random stranger, thats fine by me. Chances are pretty good that it will work, considering the archetype of the persons getting married to random strangers.

And some people do it for religious purposes. That, if you ask me, is also completely voluntary.

I admit I am a cynic when it comes to marriage. I think its a bunch of bullshit that people do for traditional purposes or religious purposes. There's no real need for it, unless you want to get some tax breaks.

But I think my experiences and observations has made me really SOUR and BITTER about the whole thing. So.

. . .And then all the costly red tape that comes with a divorce.

I doubt that many people choose to be in an arranged marriage. They were born into that tradition and unless they want to alienate their entire family, they're going to get an arranged marriage. And I think if the person does have the choice, and they decide to get one, that's the worst possible option. It's like saying "I don't even want to try, just give me a random person and I'll suffer through whatever I get."