This is totally lame...
 

Okay here's my situation: I want to get to know this girl in one of my classes because I'm insanely attracted to her. But I've never even talked to her, as I've never really had the chance to. I want to ask her if she'll have coffee with me sometime - maybe I'll get the chance after class, or something. Thing is, the prospect of asking someone I've never talked to seems kind of weird to me. I don't want to fuck up my first contact with her.

God, I hate contemplating so much. I wish I could just do it, but I can't!

You should try to talk to her before you ask her out. Go up to her and just start a friendly conversation... don't just go to her and ask her out.

Just get confortable enough to do so... it'll all work out.

Very Simple, don't think too hard and just casually have her friend introduce you. Or swallow your pride and just talk to her out of the blue...perhaps you might have something in common then the conversation goes off from there. Oh yeah, since it seems apparent that you have an attraction, don't be nervous....girls (in my knowledge) do not like seeing a nervous noob come up to her and ask for a drink of coffee.
After this...there is only 2 ways...it can either go up or down. Your mood increases due to acceptance or horrible destruction and depression. Take your pick, this is always interesting.

Earghlaawerhh. I guess I'll just forget about it, since I never have a chance to talk with her, anyway.

And, Valiant, you're very wrong in your assertion that girls don't like to be approached by guys who are a bit nervous (I know some don't, but those are bitches). They'd rather be approached in a nervous way than an overly cocky way. They see it as flattery.

Start talking to her about the class. That'll get her to open up. Then ask her.

Thanks. Maybe I'll try that. Sometimes I just feel like a socially inept fucktard from another planet! Don't you could send messages through thought? Man, that would be awesome ... :lolsign:

Someday I will find a girl who likes me enough to have a relationship with me ... someday ...

That sure is a really self-serving theory you've got there guy. You seem to forget that there's a really nice middle ground between overly cocky and nervous. If you approach the girl nervously, you're going to spazz out and give a bad first impression, which you don't want. Either develop some self confidence or learn to fake it.

And I know that you have very little self confidence after reading your next post in the thread:
Sure, you could go up to this girl and nervously try to express a coherent thought, but it would probably not go over very well. It would be a better idea to take a good, hard look at yourself, discover the good qualities that you possess {and I'm sure you've got plenty of good things going for you, it's just a matter of identifying them and emphasizing them}, and then present yourself to her in a friendly manner. Simple as that. See if there's any sort of spark or chemistry and if so, go from there.

Hahah russ pretty much nailed it. There are two extremes, one being nervous and other being cocky. The happy medium would be more ideal. Of course, it doesnt hurt to at least approach her and give her a slight nudge...the most important part is striking a converstation then you got something going. Also confidence is the key, if you believe you can do it...you have a higher chance.

Getting to know someone in a class atmosphere is fairly ideal, but some observations should be made. Like, is she always with a group of friends, or is she the loner type? Knowing something like this is a good springboard for your approach. Acting all nervous and shy with someone who is outgoing and around people, probably won't work most of the time.

Just sit beside her during an exam or something and just mention about the test or something. That's how I know some of the girls I do. I remember in Stats class once. My friend is like, "You should go talk to her." I was pretty nervous, but one time we sat by her and I asked for an eraser, and things just went from there.

I suggest finding a way to start small talk with her. By doing so, at least she'll be somewhat familiar with you. Then maybe after a few days/weeks, you can bring up coffee.

Self-serving? WTF? No. And if a woman can't handle the fact that some guys are going to be a bit nervous at first, they're bitches. Simple.

(Bit nervous does not equal spazz out).

Women do expect some guys to be nervous...that's why they blow them off. :p

Look, I don't mean to come off as being mean or a jerk here, but let us examine the facts and interpret them fairly and logically.

Fact: You think that you are socially inept.
Interpretation: This causes you to become nervous around people who you do not know very well.

Fact: You hope to someday find a girl who will want to pursue a relationship with you.
Interpretation: Based on the usage of "someday", you have never dated before.

Fact: You think that a girl who looks down on someone who approaches them nervously is a bitch.
Interpretation: You've been rejected before and rather than considering that you were rejected by any fault of your own, you believe that it was simply because the person who you approached has negative personality traits. Now, I don't want you to read that and interpret it as me trying to insult you, because I'm not. Maybe you were rejected because the girl was a bitch. Or maybe it was because she was not receptive towards your nervous approach method. Or maybe it was because she simply was not attracted to you, for whatever reason. It could be any number of reasons, but the point is that you are linking a single cause {nervous approach} with the effect of being rejected and you are theorizing that any girl who would reject a guy who approaches her nervously is a bitch.

Seriously, I am not trying to be a jerk here, that is not my intention at all. I just want you to see that you have room for improvement in your attitude on this. Simply painting girls who aren't receptive towards nervous guys as bitches is not healthy and it will lead to you labeling every girl who rejects you as a bitch, which is simply not the case.

Nope. That's not what I'm doing. I'm simply stating: if a woman sees that a man is kind of nervous when approaching her for the first time, she's pretty damn shallow if she rejects him on that fact alone. You gotta' admit, that's a bitchy thing to do. And your interpretations are wrong. I've never been rejected because of nervous behavior.

You might have just touched on the HUMAN weakness to not see beyond what lies on the outside. It's not something that only females project. If someone is not interested in something, it shows.

If you don't have a quality or anything that someone finds interesting, and you are a stranger to that person, what motivation do they have to give you the time of day, other than maybe a few minutes to humor you and keep their polite integrity?

It's a pretty sweeping statement, to call any girl (or guy) who balks at any nervous approach, a bitch (or bastard). You have to keep in mind that it's probably only you that has this mindset when walking up to and trying to start a conversation with someone you're attracted to. They are taking you at face value, and not thinking, "Oh, this person must like me, I should try and stay interested".

You're backpedaling, but that's ok, I will play along.

If you approach someone with nervousness, instead of confidence, you are telling them more than just that you are nervous. You're telling them that you are unsure of yourself, that you do not have a lot of self confidence. Lack of self confidence is a turn-off for a lot of people {source}, there is nothing shallow about this, as it is a personality trait that affects a person's behavior and reactions to many situations.

Like I suggested before, you need some self confidence. Maybe right now you should learn how to fake it, so that you can approach women and seem confident, and maybe enjoy some success in the relationship area, which would help you build some confidence and you wouldn't have to fake it anymore. Then everyone is happy.

Well, I still very much disagree, but I'll just keep it at that.

The small things always work. Guys have done it to me. I've seen it done to other girls. It works. Trust me on this.

What exactly do you disagree with? Russ seems to be making some very novel comments here..

Definitely! I believe the little things are your only way to get ahead with a girl of interest. For example, just a few days ago in my Philosophy class I was sitting between two girls I had never met before. I was making comments about our professor, who sounded and looked like she was taking shots of Vodka while lecturing to us. The girls around me found it a bit humourous, which naturally opened the door for more conversation.

At the end of the class I was just hanging around outside, chillin, when one both of these girls approached me and started talking about how they found the class difficult, and how it seemed I had no trouble at all with it. By the end of the conversation another girl approached us, all of us exchanged phone numbers, and then set up a date where we would all meet up and study!

My point is this - I'm getting together with a bunch of girls to study, whom I've never met before, merely by acting the the exact same way I normally do.

Did I have to lay on a fake layer of self-confidence? No!
Did I accomplish this by stepping out of my comfort zone? Not at all!
Does this give me the chance to mingle with a new assortment of ladies? Absolutely!

The situation is different than yours, but as Miyomi said, it's the little stuff that adds up!

No, Valiant is right for the most part. Girls like confidence to see a guy stumbling over just saying "hi" is like saying "I'm not the alpha male, i'm not even the omega male". Girls like a guy that can be cocky but not "i'm a flaming asshole cocky".

You have to have confidence and I can already tell you don't when you give up on yourself even before you start. My friend told me this resently because I keep forgetting it over and over.. GROW SOME BALLS. I'm saying this in the nicest way. B/c if you keep thinking that You can't have something then you won't. A little bit of doubt of normal but to shot yourself down so she won't do it to you later.. come on.

Yeah, I know I need to grow some balls. But I still disagree that a nervous initiation should be the be-all and end-all of a woman's perception of a guy. I mean, she can reject him later on if he isn't her cup of tea confidence-wise, but to reject a guy based soley on the fact that he seems nervous at first is totally and completey 100% bitchy. I stand by that point. :)

Trust me, i have had a shitload of g/f and such and tons of failed encounters with women. The whole shy thing, to some it seems cute but others... They want a guy they can rely on and being shy is a sign of weakness thus showing that they can't rely on you.

You can be shy and still be reliable. Not all shy people are flakey.

Ahh but first impressions are VERY important. You don't want to come off as some guy without a backbone.

Listen to russ. He knows what he's talking about. Girls do not prefer a nervous guy to a cocky one. Confidence is the most attractive trait a guy can have, and if you two don't know each other, all she has to go on is that first impression.

Nervousness is not attractive. Really it isn't.

Yeha, you want to show some backbone. Are you a funny guy? I know alot of girls like guys that can make them laugh, not a complete joker at all times. Girls really don't know what they want b/c they want a little bit of everything which worked for me b/c I'm a bit of a "Jack of All Trades"

Damn right. Show some backbone! You march right up to her and ask if she would be interested in a game of AD&D or her thoughts on last week's SciFriday! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. In all honesty I'm pretty much the same way you are Smoodle. Try to find some common ground on which you can formulate a conversation and then just be natural around her and let it all randomly sort out.

Hmm. I see what you mean about not wanting to be perceived as "cocky" but like Russ said, there's a middle ground. I'd prefer to aim for "assertive" and "self-assured" rather than cocky. If you mumble and mince your words when you approach a girl, she's going to see straight through to the reasons why. Even if she's wrong about those reasons, she may make assumptions about the rest of your character based on your initial approach, probably not favourable ones either.

Without wanting to sound like egomaniac (because I REALLY am not, trust me) I feel that I exude a certain level of confidence (at least when i'm having a good day) and the difference it has on everyone is just amazing. It was a hard thing to learn and I learned it late but now that i'm finally comfortable with who I am, it's great.

It's perhaps a cliche but once you like yourself and are comfortable with that, you can really get people to warm to you.

There's a huge difference between cockiness and arrogance.

Cockiness just means you're good at what you do. Arrogance means you're a dick.

Come on, get real.

To be honest, the best thing you can do is be yourself.

If a girl doesn't like you... RAPE HER. No, seriously. Rape Her. Anyway, if she doesn't like you for who you are... whether it be shy or what not, then obviously she's never going to like you. Why pretend you're self-assured if you're not? Just do what feels right to you.

Don't put on some phony act, don't act like you're someone you're not. That's even worse than being unattractive.

The only reason why girls like me is because, A) I'm a dick, B) I'm "mysterious" (this translates to "He's quiet.") and C) Because I CAN be a sweetheart.

That might be the funniest thing that I have read all day.

As far as the nervousness thing goes, if you are meeting a girl for the first time and you're coming off as being really nervous about talking to her, most of the time, she will not be thinking to herself "aww how cute he's nervous". She will be thinking something closer to "what the heck is this guy's problem, why can't he form a complete sentence". That usually won't get you very far, unless you're just extremely good looking.

Reznub: I'm convinced it is your propensity to reward rejection with sexual assult that makes you so utterly irresistible.

GTFO n00b.

If you look anything like your avatar, there is no help for you, short of plastic surgery. It looks like your mother fucked a walrus.

Hey, fuck you, that is me. But I'm making a face.

ignore lehah, he's just like that. But yeah, show some back bone.