Have you/would you stay with someone if they cheated?
 

Say you've been dating this person for quite some time now, and then one day you find out they had an affair. You love this person dearly and they are your world; they are all you have known for most of your life.

Would you stay with them/forgive them and continue with the relationship?
Or would you dump them like the sack of shit they are?

I want real thought out answers. Not "I'D NEVER STAY WITH SOMEONE THAT CHEATED ON ME CUZ CHEATING IS BAD!!11111111".
If you've ever been put in the situation before... Why did you make the decision you did?

I have been in a situation where I was in a long term relationship and the girl cheated on me, and I did break it off for that reason. But circumstances weren't quite quite the way you describe them in your post.

I was in love with her, but I also was quite painfully aware of the fact that she was not in love with me anymore. In a way, the fact that she cheated on me provided us both with an "easy way" to break off the relationship. And after some internal conflict and having to resolve my feelings for her, I can now speak to her as a friend (though we're never going to be very close).

Anyway to answer the topic question: the old, cynical me would've said that I would dump her at the drop of a hat. I've dumped girls over less.

However now that I found the girl of my dreams things become more complicated. I suppose that even if she cheated on me, I'd try my best to find it in my heart to forgive her and make it work despite it.

Of course, I can't imagine her cheating on me, because it's disgusting and I think she's better than that. =D

I'd stay.

I'm not a jealous(sp?) guy but I think there's a big (I mean hueg) difference between cheating and being unfaithful.

The times I've cheated were only one nighters, and I'm the kind of guy who approves to receive what you get, so if my girl cheated on me with some loser we probably talk about it, if it's constant and the girl actually interested in the other guy, well, I'd just kick the bitch out of my life.

I'm a jealous, fearful, insecure individual. If someone were to cheat on me, I don't think I could tolerate being around them for much longer after. I was in a situation where I was strongly tempted to cheat on my then current boyfriend. Instead I broke it off with him. If it's to be done, that's how it should happen. I'd expect the same respect.

If they cheat, hack them off; that's my philosophy. If they do it once on your watch, rest-assured that they'll do it again. When you enter a relationship, you're supposed to be faithful. Failing to do so is fair grounds to axe the whole thing.

If they cheat, it means they're bored with you (at least momentarily). Best way to teach them a lesson is to break up. Let 'em writhe if they realize that they fucked up a perfectly good relationship. As far as taking back the ones who come a-crawlin'? That differs from one instance to another.

Pretty much I think all men are just dogs and it's basically impossible for them to stay monogamous. So for me, while it hurts and shit and fucking sucks, I sort of understand it and it really depends on how the guy treats me when he does this shady deed and how often he does it. If he succumbs to a moment of weakness, is wracked with guilt and comes apologizing, then I might be able to overlook it. But he's just an dog that will pound anything that moves, then there's no need to waste your time. It really depends on the character of the guy and the situation, although on the flip side I might be inclined to take revenge and screw the pool boy. I never technically had a guy cheat on me (since we were technically "on a break" at the time) so it's really difficult to say how I really will react, I can only idealize. For me the act of sex doesn't hurt as much as when your significant other falls in love with someone.

My dad was always unfaithful to my mother but the suprising thing is that it never bothered her until he started treated his whores better than my mom. Then the shat hit the fan.

That's pretty funny. I was with the same person for almost four years and the one who did the cheating was her, not me. It's unfair to scrutinize an entire gender based on the actions of another person. It's just as likely for a woman to give in to a "moment of weakness" as it is for a guy. I really hope you were at least half-joking with that post. At least partially.

To stay a little on topic... I did try to work it out, several times; because when you are with someone long enough it's a lot harder to just "break it off" than many people seem to think. It's easy to hypothesize about what you would do when you aren't in the situation, but the simple fact is that emotions can cloud rational judgement and you'll never know how you will respond to anything until you are actually going through it.

No, women are really stupid, so she probably actually believes that.

=D

That's more what I was getting at. What people don't realize is emotions play a big part in the final decision.
People think it's incredibly easy to just say "fuck it" and break it off, but it's really not that simple.

I agree with Devo, these things are completely based on the circumstances surrounding the relationship.

Although I am a firm believer in the saying "once a cheater always a cheater", I still think that if I loved someone enough, I would take them back. And yes, emotional cheaters are FAR worse than physical cheaters.

That baffles me. I'd be pissed by either. It's funny though, since you're not the first person to say that you'd rather he just fucked someone out of meaningless need for sex.

I wonder why you say that. The thought of your guy with someone else, even if he doesn't care about her, doesn't make you angry?

I stayed with my guy after he cheated on me, but I didn't trust him any more. I broke up with him a few months later because I knew that I would never be able to trust him and be as happy with him again.

Therein lies the major difficulty. Once the trust has been broken, how do you get it back? You also have to wonder, if they cheated on you, what else have they done that you don't know about? Trust is a cornerstone of a succesfful relationship, and if it isn't there things are going to fail.

For the record, I've never cheated. I don't even really look at other girls when I'm in a relationship--I'm always having them pointed out to me by my male coworkers and friends. My thoughts are almost always on the girl I'm seeing now.

This is actually kind of difficult for me. Even though I'm in a relationship and I'm happy in it (more than happy), I have trouble not-looking at other girls.

It's not even something where I compare them to my girlfriend or think about leaving her or cheating on her--it's almost more like a reflex or a habit. I feel bad about it though, so I try not to do it, but it's much harder than I thought it would be.

I'm a realist. I also believe that humans aren't programmed to be monogamous. If my husband had a "moment of weakness" or whatever you want to call it and screwed some girl once - probably even if this happened more than once during the course of our marriage, I probably wouldn't leave him. On the other hand, if I found out that he had an emotional connection with another woman and was spending time talking to her on a regular basis, meeting her for lunch, taking long drives together, etc., even if he wasn't having sex with her, I'd leave him.

To me, sex isn't that big a deal and we're all human. It's emotional unfaithfulness that I wouldn't tolerate.

I find it strange that you're able to contradict yourself so easily. You don't believe humans are monogamous yet you're married. Marriage is supposed to be about monogamy.
It sounds more like -you're- the monogamous one, but are willing to be a doormat because of the love you have for your husband.

Have you slept with anyone while married to your husband?

Married people aren't perfect, and it's always amusing to me when people assume that just because you're married you suddenly stop finding anyone other than your spouse attractive. There are MANY difficult aspects of marriage, and remaining faithful is one of, if not the, most difficult thing of all. I'm not sure that I agree with your statement that marriage is about monogamy. I think that marriage is about love and partnership.

If you don't believe me when I say that humans aren't monogamous by nature, do a little research. I took this quote from an article on MSN:
I found lots of other articles to substantiate my claim that people are cheaters by nature. I think the best one can hope for is to find a partner who is willing to try his/her best to be faithful, and to be willing to forgive a person who slips up once or twice. There's also a big difference between a person who screws up once or twice and a nasty, lying cheater who can't keep it in his pants. I'm not condoning cheating, I'm just a realist, as I said before.

I believe people can be faithful to one another. Not all men/women are horndogs and can't keep their clothes on. I don't believe that cheating is a mistake that's kind of like "oops". If you kissed someone else while in a relationship, that might be something that just happened. It's quick, you're confused, moment of weakness, whatever. You can recover. But to have sex with someone, while taking off your clothes you don't have the chance to tell yourself, wait, I'm with someone else? People don't just fall into bed by accident. Drunken stupor possibly, but the whole "caught up in the moment thing" you know you wanted it, and you didn't try very hard to stop it.

I really admire people who can still take back husbands/wives who have cheated. I'm not that kind of person. I couldn't even forgive myself if I cheated on someone. I admire a couple more if they can stay faithful to one another. We're all human, it's not uncommon to be attracted to someone else and be tempted to, but to actually go out of your way and jump into bed with them, that's just not right.

I've known people, friends and family members even that have cheated. None of them ever said it was just a heat of the moment thing. It was always on the back of their minds.

Sorry, but I don't agree with you. It sounds more like you're making an excuse for this behavior. Maybe it's true for some people, but I have more respect of anyone who remains faithful during marriage.
Why did you get married anyway, if you're willing to let your spouse cheat? Why didn't you just remain at an exclusive status? Marriage -is- about love and partnership, but partnership means having eachothers back and not going behind it.

Cheating is wrong. Clearly. Do you know anyone who has simply gone up to their SO and were just like "Okay honey, I'm going to go screw someone else now, I'll see you in a little bit!".

No. If cheating was normal, there wouldn't be such an issue with it.
If you personally want your husband to go off with some other woman, that's fine. I realize people have their own screwed up ways of maintaining their relationships (IE: swingers, etc).

The fact of the matter is if marriage wasn't meant to be monogamous, it wouldn't exist. Marriage is about a bond and becoming one with eachother.

I'd think maybe you'd be singing a different tune if your husband really did go out and screw someone elses brains out. Or maybe, he already has, and you're making excuses for him.

That, I don't know. But I don't agree that it's human nature. My grandparents have been together 60 years and have not strayed. Along with a few other couples I know.

No one really knows what goes on between two people in a long-term marriage. Just because your grandparents haven't felt the need to share every intimate detail about something doesn't mean it hasn't happened. I'm not saying that your grandparents have cheated on each other, I'm just saying that it's quite possible that one of them did and you never knew about it. There was infidelity in my grandparents' marriage that I didn't find out about until I was an adult, yet they remained married.

For the record, my husband has never cheated on me and I hope he never does. I certainly don't see myself as the type who would "let" him cheat, as you said earlier. I just know that if it happens, as long as it's a one-night stand or something meaningless like that, I think I could get over it in time.

My grandma actually caught my grandfather cheating on her, and she kicked him out and divorced him. I have tremendous respect for her because of that, it takes some real balls to stand up like that even though she was married to him for like 30 years and he was responsible for most of the income of the household.

I don't know if humans are meant to be homogenous. I know that the best way to raise kids is in a normal household with both parents, though. I think cheating is pretty tasteless anyway (are you so incapable of controlling your urges?), but even moreso when you have more than just yourself and your woman who could get hurt.

Or man, but I'm speaking for myself and I don't swing that way. =D

No, I just think you contradict yourself. You don't believe in monogamy yet you hope your husband will stay faithful to you.

But as I've said, you never really know how you're going to feel until it happens, so you can't really say that you could get over it if you've never experienced it before.

It's easy to form an opinion on something you've not experienced.

Everyone's marriage is different though, like swingers, some people maybe not agree with that choice, but it's really their choice. If people are very forgiving when it comes to their partner's sexual desires, then that's still their issue.

I mean some couples don't let the other person go to strip clubs, some do. Not everyone takes their vows the same way, I'm guessing some are okay with having an open marriage, you would think most aren't. It's really their choice. People marry for other crazy reasons and if fidelity isn't one of them, I don't really care as long as it's not hurting anyone and it's not my marriage ;)

I'm just not that understanding, which is why I am not married a guy that might potentially have the urge to get into someone's pants by accident. If he ever tried, I'd be gone. I know I deserve someone better if he was willing to try and pull something like that.

Fucking another person is still breaking trust. Rather or not you have an emotional attachment to them does not matter at all, you are still going behind your SO's back and doing something you know they don't want you to do.

Eh, this entire topic is kind of silly, when you start getting people who respond and have never actually gone through it. The reason ultimately that I'm not with my fiancee, isn't just because she cheated on me, but because by doing so she violated my trust. (not even just once, but twice). It was HARD to even trust her after the first time, let alone the second time, you know? Hell, to be honest it was probably as good as over after the first time but I was trying really hard to work through it anyway because I loved her.

And I won't lie, if you had asked me before this happened if I would have tried to work it out I would have said no, because the act of cheating disgusts me, and if you can't fucking contain yourself when you "claim" you love another person you don't deserve them and that's all there is to it.

Initially before reading these replies, I was dead-set on staying and forgiving my cheating gf/wife. If it were my gf I could obviously understand as relationships exist to see if people are compatible with each other, and I wouldn't hold it against her or be bitter. If it were my wife, I would be forgiving, because I always think that I have just as much of a chance of losing myself in a "moment of weakness" or would be tempted to try something new. Maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking that the best case scenario of genuine repentance from the cheating party would occur and they would make an utmost effort to patch up our relationship, but I would be forgiving.

However, I'm now moreso undecided after reading the KEY point of cheating being a definite stab to the concept of trust. That's deep, and as forgiving as you can be, you would also have to be incredibly trusting (not necessarily naive) to keep the relationship in a stable shape. Of course, I can say that I would be willing to trust, but perhaps my personality will subtly change towards my gf/wife after I caught them cheating, and things would eventually become sour over time. I would like to think that cheating is a regrettable mistake, even though that might not always be the case with some people and their lusts.

Every cheater I've known, girls and guys alike never learn to stop. 'Once a cheater, always a cheater', the phrase has been accurate in my expierances.

I'm also bad about holding grudges... so...

Cheating is a deal breaker imo.

Well, that's my point. I was hoping people wouldn't base their decision off of something they know nothing about.
It's easy to say you'd react a certain way if you haven't been through it.

Me, I was cheated on 3 times, by the same guy within a 4 year period. We weren't engaged or anything like that, but I loved him. A lot. Probably more than anyone could ever love a person and I DID stay with him afterward.
However, as many people have stated, you just get to a point where you can't trust them, no matter how hard you try, and you're always going to think that when they are going out it's to see someone else.

You just can't ever get that level of trust back. I think the people saying they'd stick it through are full of shit, especially since they don't really know.

I thought I'd be with this guy forever. But there's only so much betrayal you can take before you've had enough.

And it takes such an emotional blow to the very core of your being.
I don't know anyone, including myself, that have been the same after being cheated on.

Also, it really doesn't matter whether or not there is an emotional attachment or if it's just physical. It still hurts either way. Even though I know he truly loves me, the thought of what he did makes me sick, and from my own experience and stupidity, anyone who thinks they can stick it through is dumb.

A relationship should never be broken or have to be fixed.

Please learn how to read.

Alice never said that she did not believe in monogamy. She said that humans are NOT monogamous by nature. Just like every other animal, humans have an instinct to procreate. When in a relationship, you will still find other people attractive. You will still lust after other people. It's human nature.

She said she didn't believe humans were monogamous by nature. It's pretty much saying you don't believe in monogamy. Otherwise, it would be a little on the hypocritical side.

I'm not -saying- that you can't be attracted to someone else while being in a relationship. But looking and touching are two different things. Two entirely, different things.

...

You're serious aren't you? I don't really know how to respond to this, since it's obvious that you don't have any reading comprehension.

Stating that humans are not monogamous by nature =/ saying that you don't believe in monogamous relationships.

Uh, yeah, I am serious.
Don't you think it would be a little retarded to make one claim about something if you yourself didn't believe in it?

But she never said she didn't believe in monogamy...

Lunar Seal, she's not making the same claim. Alice didn't say she didn't believe in monogamy but is saying that humans are not monogamous by nature. So while men have urges to go and plant their seed in as many women as possible because they're biologically programmed that way, many men resist that urge because humans aren't exactly animals and have free will, morals, respect, etc that stops them.

It's like saying, it's against our nature to reject fatty foods because our bodies are programmed to tell us that it tastes good and that we want more and want to eat as much as possible. But health concious people still won't eat too much fat because they know it's bad for them. Same thing with marriage. You don't cheat in a marriage because while you do believe in monogamy, your brain sometimes tempts you to cheat but will power, respect for your wife, morals or whatever stops you.

Then basically she's making an excuse for her husband to go screw someone else based on an opinion/fact/whatever she thinks it is.

K? Okay.

Whether or not humans are monogamous by nature doesn't matter. It all depends on the person. I believe humans can be monogamous by nature. It's not really up for anyone to decide other than yourself.

But again, as I've said already, you can't state something you know nothing about, which clearly she doesn't.

Urgh. Read this. They didn't teach you about fallacies at school?

You have disputed the claim that humans are not homogenous by nature, without providing any evidence other than "I believe it is so". Now, I haven't done enough research on this subject to claim any view on the truth either way, so I'll just reiterate what she claims, hopefully clearing it up for you.

You seem to struggle with what she means with "by nature". She's talking about the human as an animal basically. As most of us know, we're more than animals and are able to suppress and control our natural urges (to some extend). But it doesn't take away the fact that we still have the natural urges that we are born with.

She's stating a general observation about human nature, which she even backed up with a statistic. You have done no such thing, instead using fallacies to try to get your way.

It's obvious that Lunar Seal is never going to be persuaded. She's been cheated on and she's letting her emotions dictate her beliefs on this subject, without really thinking things through. Also, she seems to have a pretty severe reading comprehension problem. Lunar, I'll happily share with you various articles and studies on the subject of humans and monogamy if you'd like. I found an ton of them yesterday.

Also, I'm not making an excuse for my husband to go screw anyone. I can't imagine that he would ever do that; I just find it incomprehensible that a person would be so immature as to throw away a perfectly good marriage just because her husband happened to perform a physical act that basically boils down to sticking his dick into someone other than her. To me, that's just not thinkable. I wouldn't throw away everything I have with my husband and ruin my children's home life because of an act that probably didn't mean anything anyway.

Come back and talk to me after you've been married to the same person for over a decade, have had children with him and have built a life around him...and also when you've learned to read. Then we'll discuss this like two rational adults.

It's very likely that human nature would explain the human proclivity to cheat, mainly because human nature is essentially warped and malevolent. It's important to note that "nature", meaning the way things are without societal influence, is not in any way necessarily equivalent to "good." So, of course, calling something natural would be a meager excuse for it. Human nature is selfish, brutal and violent.

On the other hand, forgiveness, which is definitely not a natural tendency, is a good thing, regardless of culture or religion. That being the case, it would probably be best to forgive someone for any act of infidelity provided it was an expression of human nature (fallibility) and not an expression of what is "in his/her heart".

In general, I would say it is beneficial and wise to forgive all actions provided they're a breech in character, but not to tolerate someone with selfish or malevolent heart. I think it's pretty simple to tell the difference by spending plenty of time with the person and observing whether the occurrence is repeated or if there is some progress. There should be a limit, not to forgiveness, but to the frequency of unfaithful acts beyond which one would equate the occurrence to a problem of the heart and not the will; in which case, it would be wise and beneficial to get rid of the person in question. Kids complicate the issue, but consider the negative impact of staying with a cheater and weigh them with the consequences of leaving. Might it be more embarrassing and traumatic for the kid to grow up knowing his father is a cheat and his mother a doormat?

Being married and having children doesn't make you more wise on the subject.
I've got my opinion, you have yours.
We'll call it a day and leave it at that.

I'm "ragging" on her because she contradicts herself. She never stated she didn't believe in monogamy, yes. But you know, I find it interesting that she presents all this information about how monogamy is against human nature, so clearly, if her husband ever did have an affair, atleast she shouldn't be surprised.

All I'm getting at is she -doesn't- know how she'd react. It's easy to sit here and spat out an opinion when you don't have the experience. The question was "would you stay with someone if they cheated, or have you?"

Okay. So she claims she might give her husband a second chance if he did cheat. But she doesn't really know that. I'm sure she would stick it out, atleast for the sake of her kids, because that's probably what I would do.

But you don't know until you've been through it.
I hope for her sake, she never does know.

But if it does, then she has no right to be upset about it, because she's aware that it's a normal human thing.

I personally don't believe in the statistics. Just because a bunch of people do one thing doesn't make it right or true for the rest of us.
I believe in what's in the heart, not a bunch of numbers or surveys.

Even if I'm wrong, I still want to believe that. She's a realist. I have faith in human kind.

That's all I'm saying.

Her experience in being married is irrelevent to my question. That's all I was getting at. It doesn't matter if you're married, engaged, been going out for a month, whatever. The fact of the matter is that is has nothing to do with the question.

And stop ragging on me because I disagree with the theory that humans are programmed to be cockshoving dickwipes. If you want to make excuses for peoples shitty behaviour, go ahead, but I won't.

If cheating was natural, it wouldn't be an act of deception, and it wouldn't be such a problem. Open relationships are fine if you can deal with it. And it clearly depends on the type of person you are.

End of story.

I like how the thread starter made this thread just to start shit. What's up with that? Everyone has their little hypocracies, but that's how it is - it's called personality. If Alice doesn't believe people are hardwired to be monogamous* and yet is still in a monogamous relationship, why are you bothered?

* While it's true that we're not hardwired to be solely monogamous - which is obvious with all the cheatin' - we're also obviously not wired to be polgamous, otherwise marriage as we know it would not exist. Christ, it's obvious.

Somehow I am reminded of Technophile and his thread about "sex and relationships."

If you want to start a thread about opinions, you should keep your mind open to what they have to say. Its an open discussion, not a debate (its not the political place.) While you can voice your thoughts on the matter, it should not come at the expense of the views of other members.

It wasn't created to be a debate thread, but sometimes that's how things turn out.

I'm not going to turn this into a "she started it first" argument. I just don't agree entirely with what she's saying.

And that's why everyone has got their own opinion.
I'm not bothered with hers. We just don't have the same views or beliefs, that's all.

Then why have you been attacking her personally? Typing exercise? =D

Once trust has been broken, it can never be brought back. Trust is something that is earnt, and once someone chooses to break it in half, there is no way it can be repaired.

I've been in more than one relationship where I've been cheated on... I threw away everything to do with them. Cheating is the same as lying. They both break your trust. And once broken trust becomes a part of the relationship, the relationship may aswell not even exist in the first place... No matter how much it means to you.

There is not a single chance I could ever stay with someone, if they cheated on me.

Expanding on this thought, what do you think the point of the emotion "love" is.

Do you think love is real?

I feel the same way, but a little different. Sex is just sex, but I don't want my husband running around cheating on me with the excuse that he was "only having some sex." Thats fucking silly.

But an EMOTIONAL connection to another woman would destroy me, and I would likely put my tail between my legs and scamper off into the sunset.

I would tolerate neither, but I would be more UNDERSTANDING of "just sex."

Also, I think that resentment in any relationship will eventually fucking DETROY it. Never leave something open-ended where you can find the will to resent your partner. It will kill your relationship.

Another point to consider: If your partner cheats on you, doesn't that imply that your partner feels that you have failed to meet his/her sexual needs?

Yes, but instead of communicating that point, you run off and sleep with someone else. I think a relationship based around that philosophy is doomed in the long run. Some people can live with a cheater, I just don't think anyone deserves to. It's like staying with an abusive partner except they're abusing you mentally. Of course it might not be considered abuse if you're not bothered by it, in which case is it even cheating? :p

I can't tell you why men cheat, but I don't believe that women cheat because they are sexually unfulfilled. I believe that women cheat when they feel ignored or emotionally unfulfilled. And yes, I do think that there is probably something wrong in a relationship where a person cheats. But since there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, that idea is a little bit scary.

I know you weren't directing this question to me only, but I wanted to answer it because this is a subject that interests me. I believe that the FEELING of love is temporary. That feeling you get when you want to be with someone all the time, nothing they do ever gets on your nerves, you want to gaze into their eyes and be touching them somewhere...anywhere, as long as you're touching? That feeling does. not. last. I promise you, it will fade, no matter what you do to try to hang on to it. Talk to anyone who has been with the same person for twenty years and they'll tell you the same thing. I think that real love isn't a feeling - I mean, you do have feelings - but it's more than a feeling (to quote Boston =p). It's deeper than an emotion. It's a commitment, it's respect, it's a partnership. Even after those strong "love" feelings fade.

I think anyone who has been in a relationship for even a fifth of the same time could tell you that. You're always most interested in a person who you first meet them. Just because things cool down, doesn't mean you love them any less, though. I completely agree that the way you feel early on isn't really love. It's probably much easier to describe it as lust, as dirty as that sounds.

I don't really want to go into why I was cheated on, either, because no matter which way I look at it, it's offensive to me.

It is true that women tend to be the "emotional" cheaters, and get attached to the person they're doing the deed with. Whereas men tend to just do it out of need to get off.

What bothers me about the unspoken issues in a relationship is that it goes to the extent of cheating.
I realize not everyone is comfortable voicing their wants and feelings, but I don't think it's fair to put the other person in that situation.

I don't believe in the whole "if someone in the relationship cheats there is something wrong with the relationship"--atleast, I don't believe in that entirely.

If someone cheats in the relationship clearly it is their issue, and it's just kind of retarded to put blame on the status of the initial relationship.


In anycase, if my SO cheated on me, I think I would be devistated enough to dump their ass completely and never want to hear from them again.

What the hell, is this 1950? Do you all believe that women don't enjoy sex and men will do anything to get tail? Cuz, um. saying 'so-and-so TEND to do this' doesn't exonerate you, lady. This is hella antiquitated thinking.

I'm so glad you were here to put this more eloquently than I could've hoped to after a day of classes. <3

Somewhere a braless lesbian corpse is rolling in its grave.

More often than not, women don't cheat just for the need of sex.
Believe me, I know that they sometimes do. It just happens that the majority of them are looking for more than just a free fuck.

I have to agree with Lunar Seal on this one, Lurker. How many women do you know who cheat for the sole purpose of having an orgasm? Because we all know that it's rare to find a guy who can give us sexual gratification anyway. It's gotta be for some other reason besides just sex.

Hey, didn't you guys know? Science has proved men and women to be exactly the same. You better pay attention while you're walking around thinking of these ideas or you might accidentally walk off the edge of the Earth!

So in all fairness, what exactly is your situation? You have got us all tied up but now things are more civil and relaxed. Maybe if we knew your situation better we could see your side of the argument better.

Wow. If you people really think that women cheat for SEXUAL FULFILLMENT, you're lying to yourselves.

Am I going to have to bring up the whole gay relationship vs. lesbian relationship thing?

Because yes - men need sex more than women do. It is the natural drive of man to impregnate as many women as possible.

sorry... just noticed - but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH at sass' sig :)

Come on, you know that's not true.

To quote Kindergarten cop:

"Boys have penises, girls have vaginas!"

While it does depend on the person as an individual... it just happens that statistically (and i hate statistics), women don't cheat for the orgasm.

I dunno... I've known women who have cheated because their boyfriends weren't doing it for them. Is that such a hard thing to believe? :p

What's really lol is that a bunch of women are telling me that men only cheat for orgasms.

I don't know guys, maybe I'm the only one who ever heard of the long-time mistress stereotype.

lol 'men are biologically driven'

That's a nice excuse for guys. I couldn't HELP it, I'm biologically programmed to sleep around.

If that's the case, I'm biologically programmed to mentally destroy you and take everything you own.

Men don't only cheat for orgasms. Just a majority of them do.

I'd cheat on my girlfriend to rip you in two with my raging Kuradoberi. There's something about your brash generalizations that totally turn me on. I'm not too sure if this would be the same case in person. I have a text fetish, so don't be surprised that should we ever meet, I'd tape your mouth shut.

God, I'm all heated right now. Anybody got another pair of blue underoos?

Statistically?

nonono

What you meant to say was that sluts don't cheat for the orgasm, because cheating for the sake of sex is below your adaptation of the ideal woman.

I mean this isn't rocket science, sex for females isn't exactly some painful chore that'd be avoided. Despite your biased viewpoints, a twat has the same nerve endings that release endorphins, relaxants and various other pleasurable chemicals that make having orgasm a pleasurable experience.

Justify it how you like, but you don't get "emotional support" via a dick shoved up yourself.

Do the men in a gay couple have more sex than the women in a lesbian couple because the men are biologically programmed to impregnate as many women as possible?

Like I said before, cribbing your bullshit replies with 'well not all of them do, just most' isn't getting you out of this. If it were true that sex alone is a motivating factor for unfaithfulness, the majority of male indiscretions would be one-night stands. The world would not be gifted with the expression "she doesn't understand me". 'The other woman' would not exist.

It's okay though Lunar. You're allowed to be stupid, because girls don't know any better.

The last I heard statistically women arguably get more pleasure out of sex than men do. I don't know a lot of men that can have multiple orgasms or orgasms sustained for 45 seconds or longer. More like a BAM and I'm spent.

Maybe I just happen to be surrounded by girls that really, really, really enjoy sex to an unusual degree.

But I'm not saying sex alone is the only reason for cheating. In some cases, it is. In some, it's not. It just happens that a majority of them are.

The thing about the other woman not existing. If you can find someone stupid enough to get involved with no strings attached, uh, yeah, it would turn into a routine thing. Cheating for sex doesn't always mean it's going to be a one night stand because at the time you were just so horny, you couldn't control yourself. Clearly you've never had the pleasure of meeting a complete asshole in your lifetime. I've known plenty of guys, along with my own ex, that had someone else on the side but had no emotional attachment to them.

If you'd stop being such a bitch about this, and actually listen to what I'm saying without twisting my words, we wouldn't have a problem.

I believe all situations are different. I'm not writing it in stone that "ALL MEN CHEAT FOR SEX, ALL WOMEN CHEAT FOR A DEEPER CONNECTION" but realistically, a good portion of those people are doing it for those reasons.
If you can't grasp that concept then oh well, twist it any way you'd like.

Oh god it's Denicalis the second.

Why does the rest of the internet find it so hard to stumble into a Harem?

I like how she rejected me without even acknowleding my post or my existence. You know what? Fuck it. I've come to the conclusion below:

http://img479.imageshack.us/img479/5...ewhorescc3.jpg

Let's make beautiful memories together.

Joke's on you, already have!

Drop your stats or leave forever.

You are an extremely sexist woman, Lunar. Let that settle in for a bit. You are under the impression that a man is simply incapable of creating emotional bonds with other people with the depth, strength and nuance that an emotional bond for a woman holds. Furthermore, you think that women cannot help but create these bonds. No, don't argue, it's very obvious to everyone who isn't you that this is how you see the world.

I'm very sorry that your boyfriend kept dating other women while he was with you, but I never asked for this information and I don't want it. Not all men are assholes, not all men who cheat are assholes, and you insisting that the majority of them are is airheaded bullshit. Your ancedotal evidence doesn't amount to a hill of beans.

I'm sorry, there is no room for insults in the Quiet Place. if you can't keep your temper in check I'm going to have to report you to the forum authorities.

A good portion is by no means most, or a majority. In fact people usually cheat for more than one reason; you seem to think that I'm talking about people who cheat without having sex anywhere on their mind. You would understand my argument to be so if you were being needlessly obtuse but that's becide the point; what is interesting is that while you feel that men, the majority of the time, cheat with sex as a high priority, that women rarely do so. So - to your mind - very few women cheat with sex as a priority at all, and the majority of those cheatin' bitches are... in platonic relationships with the other man? Wow, you're weird.

Similiar experiences explain a portion of the population.

You, yet again, are not grasping the concept of what I am saying.

And honestly, I don't really give a shit anymore. This has become so off topic, and clearly we don't agree so we'll just leave it at that.

A portion of the population you have direct experience with. You do not have a large enough sample size, you do not control for age, income, color, or location, and worst yet you drive men to cheat on you. That isn't an impartial study, lady, and your results are thus thrown out.

Seriously, you can't be this stupid, can you?

if u felt someones cheating on you and you found they really were trust me ive been there and it felt bad just dump him or her and move on even tho a boy or girl won't like u again for along time if thats the case who cares just have fun and dont cheat on ppl if they cheating on u its worste thing to do or get them jealus so they want u back just move on and find someone else that nice and caring

Periods are your friend! :P

My most recent ex cheated on me pretty early on. I forgave her and tried to move on, but it was impossible. When the trust is gone, there's nothing left. I stayed, but not for very long.

Cheating is a symptom of one of two things, imo: lack of communication, or a malevolent heart. If someone feels unfulfilled, it's their responsibility to make it known so that they can work together to correct the problem. Running off and boning someone because you're bored is pretty low, I think, and a hella shitty way to make your feelings known. If you're afraid to tell your SO that the sex is getting boring, or that you feel emotionally unfulfilled, you probably shouldn't be with them anyway, since you clearly don't trust them enough.

If someone cheated on me again, they'd have to be with me for at least 18 months prior, and would have to have been drunk enough to pass out or puke on the third party during the act. They'd also have to tell me within two-three weeks of it happening, minus a day for every month past the 18th that we've been together. Yeah, I've got a complex formula for it... what of it? Bottom line is you better have a damn good reason, and may the gods help you if you went looking for it. Quite frankly, I think all cheaters are dirty rotten scum-sucking weaklings. If sex is that big a concern for you, than take to picking up like-minded folk in bars, and leave those of us who are looking for emotional connections out of it.

Sure, my wang would love to be in as many vaginas as possible, but ultimately I'm in control of my extremities, not the other way around. I also have an urge to jump off high things, just to see if I can fly yet, but I don't indulge. I've nothing against those who partake in casual sex, or those who engage in polygamy, as long as I have no part in it. Relationships are different for everyone, and each one is formed with a set of guidelines that are defined by both parties as it develops. If you can't follow the guidelines that you and your partner set, the relationship has no foundation, and will crumble.

Hear hear hear. Well spoken. I agree with you 100%.

Quite frankly, married with kids or not, If someone cheated on me, it would damn near have to be because she got drugged and couldn't control herself or something down those lines, and even in that kind of scenario, I wouldn't forgive her completely! Marriage may be a promise of "for better or for worse", but in my opinion, a relationship in itself is built upon a promise to be with no one else. If one promise is broken, the other doesn't really matter anymore.

I say throw the bitch out or get out yourself. Life is too short to be spent on assholes who cheat on you.

Negatory.... I would never even think twice of staying with someone if they cheated on me. Unless it was a special circumstance... such as going to the bar, getting wasted and dancing with other guys... then I guess I might stay. In all other cases, probably not... actually definitely not.

So since the majority of you ladies seem to be saying you'd be more pissed if your husband was emotionally attached a woman, how do you draw this distinction between friendship attachment and uh, relationship-type attachment? Thing is - when a GF would tell me "oh I met this guy and he's really cool, blah blah blah" it's fine and all good as long as there's no physical intimacy. Relationship - sex = friendship in my mind, so emotional bonds she makes never represent an immediate threat like physical cheating does (unless our own relationship is shit). And I KNOW that whenever there's questions about hanging out with an opposite sex friend, the person will 99.9% of the time say "oh we're just good friends."

So in the case of cheating, why should emotional intimacy take precendence over physical intimiacy when emotional intimacy can easily be dismissed or mistaken for a strong friendship?

ps. in reply to the thread, I was in a relationship in which I got cheated on 3 times over 1 1/2 years and I stuck it out (due to the whole "i love you forgive me" bullshit), and it did get a lot better, but then crumbled appart entirely when she dumped me for another guy. Moral I learned: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I'd probably forgive the first time a girl cheats, but it's absolutely over if there's a second time.

I once got very, very angry at my boyfriend because he was emotionally close to a person I did not like or trust. He was the kind of person who would say "there are no secrets between us, what's mine is yours" but he would protect her from me, to the point of telling her she can speak freely over chat becuase I wasn't in the room.

If you think I was overreacting to something that wasn't there, I guess it's a good thing that you and I are not in a relationship. All I'm saying is that if my boyfriend's friendship with someone starts resembling one of VG's cuddlewhore sessions, something is fucked

In short Falldragon, you said your girlfriend cheated on you three times in less than a year and she had very close male friends. Perhaps this should be telling you something. It is a mystery!

Sorry, should'nt have used "ladies" so much as "people who believe emotional intimacy is worse than physical intimacy." It was mainly directed at Alice's post:

And plus, my ex was a diehard believer in this philosophy as well. It's hard for me to comprehend.

Double Post:
The issue here wasn't that he was speaking to another girl that you didn't trust. The issue was that he would have conversations with her about things he knew you would consider inappropriate. This shows different levels of commitment: he expected to be able to say what he wants to close female friends, you expect him to show moderation because of your relationship. Of course, I'm really generalizing here because I have no clue what the details are.

Well there's another factor at work here beyond "he shouldn't have been secretly talking to her." You didn't trust him enough to let him freely speak with this girl. In a truly trusting relationship I don't think this would ever come up as a factor, because you'd trust your significant other to know where to draw the line.

Well it was over 1 1/2 years (1.5), not less than a year. About every 6 months, haha. Also, I never said the guys she cheated on were close male friends. In 2 of the 3 cases they were practically strangers, or only knew each other less than a month.

But to sum up, I certainly know where you're coming from. You didn't like him developing close friendships with other girls you thought had bad intentions. I was the exact same way with my ex. However, I'd go on to say that this has it's foundation in the trust, and how much you can (or can't) expect out of him. In the ideal relationship, both people should be able to have strong friends with the opposite-sex but know where to draw the line, because they both know how to respect the relationship they're in.

Course, most of this is based off of my own past relationships, so it's complete opinion :)

And seeing as though you don't know what the details are, maybe you shouldn't tell me what the issue really is. Why are you arguing with me?

There are these seperate occurances of the same thing, and other seperate occurances of very similar things... I just can't add them up! It must be a major coincidence.

In the ideal relationship, friendships your mate makes should not creep you out. I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried if you disagree, or think that the problem lies in the creeped-out party.

Because I'm the argumentative type? Sorry. It was mostly because I went through the exact same thing, so I thought you might've had a similar understanding.

Not sure what you mean.

I'm not saying it was your fault. He was purposely breaking your trust. My point was that strong friendships to opposite sex people can exist as long as you both know the boundaries of what you both expect.

That's not exactly insight. Just sayin'.

it depends really on how much you know and trust the cheater. if you believe that this was a lapse in judgement and you know that it's something they'll never do again, you could stay with them, or if you're the vengeful type, you could go anf do the same to them, but hopefully most aren't like that.

I know it's easy to say "dump him" or "her" whomever cheated, but you never know, cause one instance might take away a lifetime to happiness with what could be your one true love if not thought out rationally. I guess just think before you act is the best response, along with openess and talking

Yeah, and you never know, she might cheat on you again and you might end up killing yourself for a lost cause. You never know. Better be safe than sorry IMO.

this is true, but that's the chance you take upon your own judgement. and it would be a good learning experience. and if you are really so depressed to go towards suicide, then seek help

But at least if it happens again you'll rest easy knowing you did everything in your power to make it work by not making any rash decisions. I just can't see throwing away a perfectly great relationship because a person did something that is human nature to do - once. God, you people are insecure.

Yeah, if you love the person, you'll try. But forgiving and forgetting will only make it feel like you're the one who did something wrong. Why should you be the one to work harder when it was your partner that cheated? Cheating is about breaking bonds of trust. Can you ever trust this person again?

Besides, it can't have been a "perfectly great relationship" to begin with if someone cheated. Saying that you're throwing it away is truly exaggarated. Either there is a communications problem or a problem with lack of respect for the other. In my opinion it is the cheater, not the cheated, who throws the relationship away. Who ever agreed to the open relationship, anyway? Break the rules, out you go. At the same time I don't expect my partner to forgive me if I ever cheated (which I won't).

About insecurity: I say it's the insecurity that makes one stay in such a relationship as opposed to leaving it. For instance; Insecurity related to the fear of being alone (of course, this doesn't apply to all cases).

Yeah, and this "human nature" thing your talking about? Bullshit. It's also human nature to kill other people or steal someone's belongings. Would you forgive someone if he/she killed your kids and blamed it on "human nature"?

"I just had this urge and I couldn't help it. Please forgive me, I'm only human"

"Oh, alright. We know you've only done this once and it is human nature after all. Let's be friends". :P

My guess is: No, you wouldn't, because you know that these acts are "wrong". Killing is wrong. But why do you know this? Is that part of human nature as well? Haha, don't make me laugh. No one has these standards from birth. It's all part of socialization. These actions are deemed "wrong" because they cause other people great suffering, be it psychological, physical, economical or social. THAT and because it is most oftenly our human nature that invokes these actions. The very same "human nature" that you claim makes people cheat. I, however, do not think that people who are sane can ever be FORCED into doing something that is "human nature". You ALWAYS have a choice. You can choose to A. Ignore your current partner's feelings and cheat or B. walk away. No "human nature" can take these choices away from you. No one is forcing you to cheat, you choose to do it. The same goes with stealing and killing as well. Why should cheating be an exception?

Personally, I think that if you want to sleep with someone else, break it off with the one you're with first. These are my own ethics and I stand by them. If my partner can't respect that then I'm better off without her.

First, I would never get sexually involved with my girlfriend. At all. However, if my [future] girlfriend did cheat on me, I'd leave her. She would have forfieted my trust, and there are consequences to that. So that's what I'd do if she wasn't repentant.

If she was repentant, I'd forgive her, but then I'd still leave her. Anyway, that's my thought on it.

Is this some sort of religious thing?

I don't get it either.

I'm actually on Alice's side here. There is virtue in trust but people make mistakes and have moments of weakness. It is naive to think that trust is unbreakable and that your significant other or better half will remain eternally faithful. However, on the flip side, you know yourself the best. If you know you are the type of person who gets easily jealous and don't forgive people easily, cheating would effect you more adversely than someone who is more laid back and open minded about sexual experimentation.

Alice's final statement about security really struck a chord with me. Security in a relationship and in general doesn't come from other people or other factors but it comes from within. No doubt, cheating is a big deal but it will work to test your tolerance of emotional pain, capacity to change and the willingness to forgive. For those who haven't been cheated on (I'm assuming there are several of you in the thread), just know that until you experience it yourself it is quite a rude awakening. The values you once set for your relationships will change unless you were absolutely secure and confident to begin with.

Indeed it is.

So many of the marraiges I know of are actually this way. Of course, if someone's "religious", then that gives them incentive to be this way.

So that's the way I look at it.

In relationships, I've found myself to be very laid-back, I don't get jealous easily or often. Sure, there are always those little sparks of jealousy, mental reactions like "Wait, you'd rather spend time with this other person than me?" or "This is more important to you than what I have lined up?" but it's usually fairly easy for me to shrug those off the moment they show up.

But if she cheated on me?

I really don't know. It might be difficult for a while after the cheating occurred, but honestly, I think I would stay with her. My rule about cheating, though I've never had a chance to see if it works very well (thank goodness) is that once is forgivable under most circumstances, but I won't stick around if it happens twice.

My reasoning behind it is that everyone has a GOOD reason for everything they do, even if they don't know it consciously. So if she cheats, there's something lacking in the relationship and I'm willing to try to work with her to figure out what it is and overcome it. But if she does it a second time, obviously she's NOT willing to work with me and can't control her urges, and that's not someone I want to be with anyway.

I'm not saying that cheating is always a mistake or always unintentional, I'm not quite that naive, but I am saying that everyone has desires, and I'm pretty sure everyone has desires they "shouldn't" and sometimes they act on them, for whatever reason.

It would be easier to forgive if the cheater confessed and felt remorse, I'm sure, rather than me having to find out myself and confront them about it.

Hope you look for girls who share your views, then, otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time.

Eh? Sexual experimentation? I'm all in for trying different stuff, but I don't get why I should forgive someone who wants to experiment with other people. Your statement has no ground in my book.

For the record, I have been cheated on. I have to admit that forgiving is a circumstancial thing. If she would have told me right away and felt sorry about it it would have been one thing, I might have forgiven her, but she kept lying about it and it dragged on for quite a long time before she confessed. By that time, the relationship was already doomed so I decided to break it off. Since then, my values HAVE changed. I WAS a bit naive. Naive to think that it would work out in the end. I was insecure at that time and I kinda felt ashamed to talk about it, like it was my fault.
Luckily, my values have changed and I've gotten a lot stronger. I will not tolerate it if the same thing happens again. As I said before, life is too short to spend on assholes who cheat. If yo want to experiment, don't get into a relationship.

Yeah, me too.

A few minutes isn't overly terrible. :)

I'm glad you cleared things up Sword Familiar. For the most part, I feel that people contributing to the thread have spoken through hypotheticals. Of course we can all say what we would and should do if cheating happenes, but when you are caught in the moment, you don't think so clearly. You do things that arent characteric to you and you alter your values. Its easy for someone to say that they would never ever tolerate cheating, but if you found someone you truly loved (not neccessarily the perfect person keep in mind) I am sure the story would go differently. Your story outlined that to me (or at least I think.) For some, strong feelings and unwillingness to let go may lead you to stick it through. Its different for different people. What I'm really trying to say is that cheating is circumstantial, as you have mentioned, but also hard to predict one's reaction to.

In any case, my statement was not directly specifically towards you but I'm glad someone responded.

As for sexual experimentation, there are some people I know who prefer multiple partners or open relationships. Not really my thing but theres an alternative to monogamy that isnt being single.

Yeah well, if it's a mutual agreement it isn't cheating.

-_-;;;

Ooops.

It depends on a few things. What exactly do you mean by affair(how bad), Sometimes things happen in accident. Sometimes they don't really love the person, see the mistake and love you more. I think If i cought her doing another guy then yeah it will hurt alot. I guess I would probably let her go because obviously i am not satisfying her and she isn't happy with me. Yes i'd blame myself is that wrong? maybe. If I found out she was just simply being a flurt with someone else again I am obviously not good enough and would have to talk to her about that. If i cought her kissing another guy then i would have to enterigate her on what actualy happened. I can tell when a women lies. Hell i grew up around them.

Claiming you can ALWAYS tell when a women (lol) lies is kind of like claiming you're ALWAYS right. It's a statement that's true only in your mind, more often than not. Also, I am at a loss to explain how you grew up at all, if you were around womens when you were supposed to be doing this so-called "growing up." "Grown-up" and "women" just don't go together unless you're real lucky.

All right so maybe that was a little bit harsh. Sorry womens. Didn't completely mean that. Only halfway. Two-thirds maybe.

And if you overreact that much about a women simply flurting (best spelling EVAR, will use from now on) then I would suggest you never have a relationship, because flurting happens naturally even if the two people aren't attracted to each other, on a conscious level anyway. "Flurting" near as I can tell is just a label put on "joking around." Every time I give my waitress a hard time and tease her about the way she takes our orders or something, I am accused of flurting with my waitress, but I say Nay, this is not my intent. I am simply comfortable with myself and she provided the opportunity for a joke or a jab, so I took it, much the same as I would do with any of my friends or even slight acquaintances. And chances are I made her day ten times better with my hilarious "flurting" which gave her a break from all the grumpy sourpusses that line the tables here. No no, if that was flurting, then I flurt with everyone, including guys.

I just wouldn't be able to stay with someone if they ever cheated on me, because any relationship that I've ever been involved with even though I haven't had too many relationships in particular are built upon trust and honesty.

I guess I can't really say for certain what I would do, because I've never been put in that situation before and I hope I never have to know what the experience feels like. Even if I did go through this experience of someone cheating on me, I'd probably be more hard on myself than the person that actually cheated on me. I would think that I obviously didn't do a very good job of being a good bf and she seeked someone else that could make her happier. Unfortunately, thats the type of person I am, I tend to be more hard on myself than other people especially if it means me going through a negatvie consequence at the end. Its always what could I have done to not let this happen, and what can I do to improve upon it, not nescessarily what the person did was horrible.

Its just for me, my take on relationships, is if I'm with any woman, she will always be one of my first priorities and above anything else I remain to be faithful to her through good times and bad times. I guess trust is always going to be fundamental factor in any relationship and I think its one of the best building blocks toward the foundation of a long and stable relationship.

I will agree with Alice's statement to a point, that we are just animals and we do have a certain male animal instinct to pass off our horomones to as many females as possible. Yes, human beings do have moments of weakness, but human beings have a higher brain function as well. I will try my best to never let a moment of weakness destroy a great relationship I have with gf.

Alice you might be familiar with my situation, back a few months ago. I have a gf who has a slim to 0 sex drive. To be honest I'm actually in the process of propsing to her within the next 6 months. She feels bad, that she is not as intimate as what I would like her to be. She has even said in this forum that she wouldn't mind me having sex with other people, as long as I didn't love them. Even for the fact I did have permission from her to be intimate with other women, I wouldn't act upon it. I would still consider it as cheating.

If any woman is willing to give me a chance to be a positive influence in their life, I am going to be faithful to them without a second thought. In terms of moments of weakness, have I had lustful feelings for other women during the entire time I've been with my gf, of course I have and she knows that, but will I ever act upon them; of course not. I have turned down one night stands during the time I've been with her.

Deep down, I'll always try my best to never let a moment of weakness get the better of me especially when I'm in a relationship. As well, if anybody cheated on me I would probably not forgive them 99.5% of the time, but it all really depends on the situation and the circumstances. The trust has been broken, and its a bond for me that is not mended very easily. If I feel I can be mentally strong enough not to cheat, I would like to expect the same from my significant other. Besides if for any apparent/unknown reason I did cheat, I wouldn't expect my gf to take me back either, and even if she did I wouldn't accept it because I failed her and I failed myself.

I don't know if i would stay with my partner if they cheated on me. If they admitted it to me, then there may be a slim chance that we could work it out, but if I found out through someone else, or caught them in the act, I wouldn't be able to forgive them.

I would more than likely not stay with my partner if they had cheated on me though, I just wouldn't be able to look at them, or treat them the same than before they cheated on me, knowing that they had been with another person.

I hate to jump back a few pages but Alice does have an good point htouhg.

After being with someone for 10-20 years you may feel sad and so much more but when you have young children or teens. They need both of you to be there for them. Some parents, hell some of my parents friends kept together just cause of kids. They sometimes had sex but they compromise for the sake of thier kids to have both mother and father to be there. Some went even has far as becoming swingers or able to share and etc but the only rule was to be back before a certain time around 10 or so the kids never got wind of it till well they were 18+ or whatever.

Sometimes it's best to stick together through hardships, it shows maturity to me to be able to work out things like this especially for your kids.

I don't think I'd be able to be strong enough to forgive someone if they cheated and still wanted to stay with me. I'm real big on the whole trust thing in relationships and the idea of my significant other cheating on me is really painful.

I admire people who could be strong enough to forgive someone for cheating on them...

i used to think no, don't stay. Now i reckon life is not just black and white. a lot would depend on the situation and why they did it.

I agree and obviously i was kidding on the always tell about lies thing. On the contrary I am very gullable. I do however stand by the fact that i did grow up around wemon (male bashing women at that.) however you want to take that.

I "grew up" around male-bashing wemon (lol again) as well. 5 sisters, 3 brothers, and I am the middle child. So I know where you're coming from.

Hell No! I just cant trust them anymore and the sight of the cheater's fakes makes me puke.

I really don't agree with you on this. Breaking a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that you're breaking off with your kids. Even if your parents doesn't have a relationship with eachother, it doesn't mean that they won't be there for their kids. I would rather my mom and dad be separated and happy, than living together and loathing eachother. Kids notice these things. If your parents are not happy, your kids most likely won't be either.

For the record, my parents have been separated for as long as I can remember. And that's ok, because I know they love me, and I know that they are happier this way. I don't know why they broke up in the first place, but I realize they were mature enough to come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work. Ok, they hadn't been together for 10-20 years, but that doesn't really make any difference. It's better this way. They are both there for me, and they are both happy. What more could I possibly ask for?

Muwahaha. Roan's girlfriend had another boyfriend while they were dating. Fucking hilarious.

true. makes me mad. I took things seriously y' know. I want revenge.

Uh... so what are you gonna do? Make her want you again, then get with her and screw another girl? Or perhaps screw her sister? :lolsign:

I wish I could do that. Nothing tastes better than sweet cold revenge you know. :(

Double Post:
Back on topic though, I'd rather get dumped/or dump someone than get cheated on. But then again so would most of you.

Yeah, that would be the most decent thing to do, in my opinion.

If I were cheated on, the head would roll one of two ways…

I would beat the guy sleeping with my chick and remove her from my premises in a legal manner. Then I would order a pizza and take some bong rips.

Or

I would pretend nothing happened, order a pizza and take some bong rips. Depends on how my day went at work.

I recently had to call a party foul on my roommate for engaging my girlfriend in a conversation about sexual preferences and fetishes and then asking for her number. I put a screech in that record in front of everyone. It isn’t because I’m insecure. It’s the exact opposite. I’m just a fur coat shy of urinating on everything and everyone in my pride. But at the same time, I’m very non-confrontational. So I just told the guy to study up on social etiquette before he pissed the wrong person off. No pun intended.

Now let's all go rip some bongs!

Also did you just say you're a furry I think you did lol

I love that both of your options include bong rips. Clearly, they are necessary in such a situation. Last time that happened to me, I went for option B. The bong rips helped, but not as much as choosing option A a couple months later did!

Bong rips solve everything. Except for being a furry. Damn, dude, quit smokin' and get some frakkin' therapy! :P

Easy answer: No

I have never been cheated on before. But if I were to be cheated on, and she was my world to me, I would still dump her. Considering that if she was my world, but I wasn't her world, as there was someone else having a relationship with her, I don't think it would work out.

Hell no. I'd dump her on the stop. I wouldn't cheat on her. That's stooping down to her level. I'm very picky with the girls I choose to date; so if it didn't work the first time, no doubt, it won't work the 2nd time.