Quiet vs. Shy
 

Exactly what is the difference between a Quiet person and a Shy person? And Which is better?

My personal ideology is that a quiet person is one who is soft-spoken, but looks like he/she's in an overall good mood. A shy person is similar, but is usually somewhat enigmatic and usually looks apathetic.

I, myself, am capable of holding a decent conversation, especially in something that I'm interested in or around my friends. However, I tend to shut up when I have no idea what's going on. I'm also relatively introverted as I am not the first one to jump up and socialize when I shift into a new setting. (like now, that I'm at college). Let's just say that I'm not likely to be the one to initiate a conversation, but I can keep one going as long as I know what's going on.

I vote shy, because I am more attracted to shy people, though quiet people are most likely "healthier" people (psychologically) than shy people.

Shyness has a mystery to it, a kind of hidden core. I'm all about depth in people so a shy person to me seems to have more to unveil because they hold some of themselves back. That intrigues me.

Shy people lack self-confidence. I just can't be attracted to such a severe character flaw. Worse yet are the "lol, so apathetic" attention whores. The kind that pretends to "shun the world" while in reality simply screaming for attention. Guh, I can't stand people like that.

Quiet, self-confident people are cool in my books. Though, if that quiet simply translates into a "no social skills", that's a big turn off for me.

On a bit of a tangent here though - why is it that hentai is filled with women and girls that seem to have the perpetual "deer in headlights" look?
What could be sexy about a girl that looks like she's just commited some grave sin for which she ought to be punished by an eternity in hell?

I know it's a fetish, but I really want to understand, at least partially, the reasoning behind it. It seems so foreign to me.

Quiet people don't talk much or just talk quietly. They might not talk much/loud but they're likely to be out going. I think they're the ones you see everywhere but don't really do anything that is trying to grab attention.

The shy ones are different, kinda tricky. You can reach out to a shy person and once you do that, there's a chance they might get filled with excitement and lots of things you'd never expect might come out and then you'll be like, "....omg, wtf!?!? get away from me you freak." There's some shy people like that but not all of them are like that.

So yeah, quiet ones are better since they are more likely to have social experience. But if there's a shy person with social experience I'd prefer that over the quiet person.

I think that this is a little harsh. As a former shy person who has made a full recovery, I can tell you for certain, the majority of these people do no wish to be the way they are, and would give anything to be able to relate normally to other people. Yes, they do lack self confidence, but condemning them as having severe character flaws really isn't fair in my opinion, and it certainly doesn't help them overcome their problems.

I'm painfully shy... and I think that quiet is better. I would much prefer to be quiet than to be shy.

Though socially awkward people can be fun and quirky, I wouldn't want to have one for a lifelong partner. It belies a certain weakness, I think. That being said, I am also socially awkward. Sick of my life!

Wow, we're kinda close in the polls. I really don't see much of a difference between the two, but nevertheless. I use the two words almost synonomously. As for quiet or shy partners, they're really all the same to me. Then again, I'm pretty quiet myself.

In my mind, shy implies a degree of social anxiety, whereas a quiet person is not afraid to talk, but just doesn't feel the need to talk. Just personal semantics I suppose.

I think you're making a bad comparison. It should be introverted vs shy really. Because shy people ARE quiet too.

I never really thought of a differnce between the two. I guess I lie in both categories, but I don't know if I can say being one is better than the other.

I usually find myself attracted to shy girls. I find them just flat adorable...they seem so difficult to break, and so hard to get to know. But I think its more than worth the effort to get their true, inner personality out.

Well shyness/quietness seems to fit girls more. No offense intended to anyone.. But usually when you think of a person who is shy you think of a person with no confidence or is weak in some way.

I know it's so stereotypical. But perhaps alot of guys are going to like girls who come off as weak in some way. That way they can 'protect' them. So a shy or quiet girl comes off to them as weak subconsciously and a guy becomes attracted to that.

But in a women's case they might tend to favor strong or confident males. So a male who is shy or weak wont look very attractive at all. If they want a male who can take care of them a shy or quiet guy isn't going to work. Even if he could they're going to pass him up because he just doesn't look like he has any confidence. Though, I guess the quiet guy would have more of a chance. He may show off some confidence at times and would offer the appeal of a chase.. which some people enjoy. ;|

Ofcourse there are exceptions to this. Not everyone is the same. I know I'm probably wrong anyways. These are all just assumptions.

I would be interested in seeing the ratio of girls to guys who like quiet/shy partners though. I have the feeling more men are going to like the shy or quiet partner.

I sure don't. As a lifelong introvert, the last thing I want is someone like me; I tend to be attracted to women who are confident and outgoing. I reckon some of it would rub off on me after a while. Also from this attraction, I've come to understand what makes me so unattractive, and I think a lot of angsty teenagers would benefit from such a "revelation."

So I would say it's better to be quiet than to be shy. Even the most obnoxious people in the world can be quiet once in a while. But as others have said, shy implies insecurity and a lack of confidence. And from personal experience, I can safely say that that is no fun. The only way being shy is attractive is if you're already good-looking. If you're not, you better start working on that personality and charm.

I think some people aren't that familiar with new people, as such don't open up that quickly.

I've seen many people who are like that. Quiet on the first glance, but very different once familiarity sets in.

Shy > Quietness. Quiet people are just a hard nut to crack... (and worse off, I'm try to get a girl who's quiet)

During my younger years, I was quite shy and found I couldn't relate to new people very well but after a time it became easier to talk to others who I didn't know via anyone else I already knew.

At the moment, I would be regarded as quiet due to my lack of being able to start a conversation very well with well known friends, seems I just spurt random things out which don't relate.

I think shy is a hell of alot better than being quiet. I'm a very quiet person and i don't find that to be a redeeming quality. Shy isn't redeeming either but at least with shy you can come out of your bubble. If you're a quiet person it's quite difficult. I find it hard to initiate any form of conversation some of the time but i can remember when i used to be quite shy and i could talk for hours.

I'm a quiet person, but not shy by any means. People often mistake me for being shy, because I'm quiet. That's only when I make a public announcement/speech that proves them all wrong. It's not because I can't speak in front of other people or am lacking in self-confidence, it's just the fact that I'm not one that starts a conversation, because I generally have nothing to say. It's also due to the fact that what I do say is often neglected anyway, because the people that are supposed to listen don't share the same interests as I do.

I've never heard of a shy person who was loud. I'd figure they'd be as quiet as possible as to keep people away from them, seeing as being fearful of people is what shyness is, more or less.

Some shyness is ok in others, but going overboard about it is a big turnoff to me. (I believe they are known as social phobics.) There is this one girl in my class that is so shy she wouldn't perticipate in a presentation in front of the class which is worth a lot of points. (She was absent that day.) I like an outgoing person whom is easy to get a long with rather than a quiet person, which is odd for me, as I'm very much the kind of person I'd not want to talk to: A quiet, laid-back guy who can be a sarcastic prick if given the right provocation.

I'm getting better at building up self-confidence (I think), though, so I do think I'm having some success in changing myself socially, anyway. I think the only thing I have to work on is being more optimistic and self-confident, and I'll be straight.

Hmm. I used to be quiet and shy when I was younger. Not much of either now, really. But I can be shy now and then, depending on the context. But quiet, not so much. How it works - say you're in a social situation, and there's an animated conversation going on that you'd like to get in on, but you don't feel up to breaking into it. Then someone comes over and manages to bring you into the conversation, and you then proceed to talk everyone's ear off. See? Shy, but not quiet.

I'd say I'm fine with either personality type, but I'd prefer shy over quiet. There's the idea that once they warm up to you, they're happy to contribute to a conversation and keep their end up. But with some quiet people, it feels like you're talking volumes at them but not really getting much in return. I guess that depends, though. With some quiet people, they can match a million words of yours with a couple sentences of fathomless depth. And there can also be those rare and utterly cool people that you can feel comfortable with not trying to attack the silence with cleverness or small-talk, but just going with the flow, floating a traded sentence or two every once in a while out into the silence whenever the mood's right.

I've probably spent too much time trying to think of a good way to express the difference between introversion and shyness, and the best thing I can come up with is that introversion is a choice, while shyness is more of a compulsion, a fear of social interaction. It's not much of a definition, I know.

I'd much rather be quiet than shy. It's hard to really be happy if you want to interact with other people, but are held back by fears of rejection...which I am. It's pretty miserable...I have a hard time even going to a crowded restaurant or cafeteria, let alone starting conversations with people I hardly know. If you just aren't as interested in being social as most people, I don't really see that as being an issue.

Before reading all these replies, I assumed that "quiet" meant keeping your mouth shut when needed. In the sense of a tactical trait that's good. Now that I realize quiet can also mean people that just don't talk much, I actually prefer shy people over quiet.

Shy implies to me: "friendly people who don't initiate the conversation."

So, I assume that nobody here uses the terms synonomously. Personally, I consider myself both. Having traits of both "quiet and shy". I'm really neither around friends and people I'm comfortable talking to. But the moment a stranger or a person I like comes into the picture, I tend to just shut up.

I voted shy. My second girlfriend was shy, and it took awhile, but I got her to no longer be shy anymore. Once you manage to get s shy person to trust you enough that you can get them to always be out of their shell, you actually discover that most of the time, the people who you can get to come out have some of the best personalities around.

It's funny how people can be one and not the other. I am shy but not quiet, if that makes sense. Once I get to know you, I'm not quiet at all. And sometimes I'm not even quiet around strangers--I'm too busy making awkward comments in a vain attempt not to look awkward. Usually I'm very close-mouthed around strangers, though.

Shy people lack self-confidence. But quiet people bottle things up, thus why they're quiet. Neither are good but if I had a choice I'd choose shy because you can usually break them out of it quite easily. Given the chance, shy people become very extroverted or at least this is what I've seen in my experience.

I voted for quiet, because I am very shy myself, which embarresses me when I am hanging around people I don't know, especially girls. I am fairly shy to socialise :(

It's much better to be quiet or shy than to always run your mouth and never know when to shut up.

Unless you're one of those people who has zero self-esteem and is completely devoid of any and all social skills. That's worse.

Agreed, I'll deal with shy/quiet people over a loud mouthed egotistical moron who talks to make themselves feel better.

I think if you're shy, you're going to be quiet, you can be quiet and not shy. So in that case, quiet is better but I feel bad for shy people so I always try to go out of my way to talk to them hoping to make them feel more comfortable. Hopefully I don't scare them :p I used to be really shy myself and I still am in certain cases, and I can still be quiet (mostly if I'm bored.) People always tell me I'm quiet, usually if it's in a surrounding I'm not comfortable in and I'm bored out of my mind. But among friends and other nice, non-fake sociable people, I am much more open and chatty.

It's better to be quiet, because at least you still have the potential to be interesting if someone wants to engage you in conversation, and noone likes a loud-mouthed person. If you're shy, you'd be incapable of opening up even if you tried.

LOL. Quiet's all good. I've won the "Quietest" award all my four years at college in an organization I has a leadership position in. I guess I just follow the saying: "Actions speak louder than words." I'm known more for getting shit done, and taking care of a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff. Shy? Somewhat. I don't engage in much conversation. Generally, I just don't like talking: "it's not productive." I'd have to be really interested (or asked) to speak. Usually quiet, I'll explode once in a while. :p

I’m a quiet person, but I don’t consider myself to be shy whatsoever. I will share any information about myself to anyone listening and I’m not afraid to tell stories about my triumphs and failures. I often will say whatever’s on my mind at any given point of time. However, I’m quiet because, as much as I do share, I only share with a select group of people. If I don’t know you, I’ll often hang back and bite my tongue for a loooong time before I decide to spark up conversation. It depends on how comfortable I am in a situation. If I’m in an totally unfamiliar environment I am not afraid to introduce myself. However, if am in a farmiliar setting, then I’m often quiet, introverted, and lost in my own thoughts, until someone says something to me. I do consider myself to be an outgoing person. However, I’m usually content being alone.

I’m the quiet one in my group of friends. All the people I hang out with are loud, obnoxious, and rambunctious. I do prefer quiet girls over shy girls, though. To me, if you’re shy it means you’re afraid of people. Being quiet can be an attractive quality because it means that, at the very least, a person is thinking before they speak. You can have the “strong, silent type” but not a “strong, silent, and shy” type. They just don’t mix!

Hm... I personally think that once you get to know quiet people, they'll open up more. But, for shy people, it requires more... work to actually get them to start talking to you. But, for quiet people, if you're nice enough and stuff, it'll eventually go away. I'm shy, and I don't think I'll not be shy in the near future. And yes, shy people lack self-confidence. So yep, I voted for quiet. ^^

I voted shy myself, I think the potential for shy people to be "larger than life" to coin an old term is quite probable. Quiet people seem to be just, well, quiet!

I'm shy. Always was, probably always will be. I'm the type of person that'll just sit alone and read a book instead of talking to new people because I'm worried that if I say anything, I'll be ignored or shunned. But then again, I always think the worst will happen, so..

I never had a whole lot of friends, and I assume it's because of my shyness. I wish I could open up more, but it's easier said than done. :/

Believe me, I am quiet and about as confident as anyone could possibly get.
I don't see why an "outgoing" guy would be able to take care of a woman any better than a quiet guy, I see it as the exact opposite.

Loud guys usually strike me as small and trying to compensate for something, and your loud personality definitely isn't going to do crap for you when in a position where you have to protect someone on you own...
I, on the other hand, am 6'2", quiet, 100% assured of myself, not afraid of anyone or anything, and very eager to rise up to a challenge issued by anyone. (I don't care if it's a Mike Tyson lookalike or not)

And it's not just me, I feel the vast majority of big, strong, confident guys out there are the ones who don't feel they have to prove anything to anyone by being loud.

I am very outgoing, and usually am the one to strike up conversation, but at the same time, I am not a loud guy.

In terms of quiet versus shy, well, I had a shy girlfriend, but after about a month being with me, she was about as outgoing as me... So it must catch on....

I also was with a quiet girl, and find it frustrates me a little. Since I am a little outspoken sometimes (meaning I talk to much), when I try to tell her to say something, or talk about something, she refuses too... but at the same time, she enjoys hearing me talk...

Bascially, if I am with a shy girl, she will eventually become more outgoing, and if I am with a quiet girl, she should at the very least enjoy listening to me. Otherwise it probably wouldn't work out...