funny pick-up lines
 

I think the title speaks for itself. I get a good laugh out of pick-up lines... Especially ones like these:

Are you a library book? 'Cause I'm checkin' you out!

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written alllll over you!

Let's go behind a rock pile and get a little bo(u)lder...

*lick your finger, touch their clothes* How about we get out of these wet clothes and in to something a little more comfortable?

I want to rearrange the alphabet so I can put "u" and "i" together.

I used to know more than too many, but I forgot most of them.

Ah I love funny pickup lines. Not the cheesy ones, but the funny ones that guarentee a slap. Let's dive into my repertoire:

Roses are red, violets are blue,
(your name) wants to do the horizontal boogie with you!

Let's do some Maths, you and me, plue a bed, minus the clothes, divide your legs and lets multiply!

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Is there a keg in those pants? Cos I'd like to tap that ass!

And here's a txt message one a mate taught me:

Roses are red, stems are green,
I'm gonna fuck you, you're gonna scream,
The louder you scream, the harder I'll fuck,
So message me back and you'll be in luck!

I actually heard my cousin using this one:

"Did it hurt?"

-"Did what hurt?"

"I'm asking. Did it HURT?"

-"What?"

"When you fell from the heavens."

:tpg:

"Is that shirt felt?"

"No..."

"Do you want it to be?"

"I want to be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves."

lol, calculus pick-up lines

Ohhh. Math pickup lines is it? =d

i = Ø when I am not with you

Your beauty defies real and complex analysis.

My love for you is like the derivative of a concave up function because it is always increasing. We're going to assume this concave up function resembles x^2 so that slopes is actually increasing.

You and I add up better than a Riemann sum

You've got more curves than a triple integral

I wish I was your problem set, because then I'd be really hard, and you'd be doing me on the desk.

I'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl.

You fascinate me more than the fundamental theorem of calculus

Here are some more math related ones:

I want you to be my parabola so I can lay on your maximum point.

I wish I was sine squared and you were cosine squared so that together we could be one.

Can I plug my solution into your equation?

Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you

A bio one:

I want to be your DNA polymerase, that way I can unzip your genes.

Hey there, wouldn't it be rather interesting if you and I got to know each other and eventually fell in love and got married and had kids and on some cozy winter night by the fireplace we are telling our kids the story of how we first met and I would say --

Best pick-up line ever.

C'mon you guys. I can't believe that nobodoy has said this yet -

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

It's because we all know it already :(

"Nice shoes, you wanna fuck?"

Another math pick up lines, but this one is for the ladies.

"I want to integrate your natural log."

This one made me lol.

Math pick-up lines are hilarious... nerdy mathy guys. <3.

You know what else is funny? Religious pick-up lines. "Hey, niiiiiice Bible..."

Law:

*Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
*Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
* Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
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Here are some of the stupidest ones I've heard/read:
* If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
* Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
* Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
* Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
* Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.
* By the way the light is hitting your eyes, I can see myself in them, and
damn, I look good!.
* Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.
* Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
* Excuse me... do you speak Klingon?
* HEY!!!! Wanna go half on a baby?
* Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

I was surfing on Wikipedia for Weird Al Yankovic and I came across to some of his lyrics for Wanna B Ur Lov.

* I like our skeletal structure, baby, you're an ectomorph no doubt
* Your face is real symmetrical, and your nostrils are so nice
* Girl, you smell like Fritos, that's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
* My love is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in
* I bet your outfit makes a lot of noise in the dryer
* Your eyes are even bluer than the water in my toilet
* Say, has anyone ever told you you've got Yugoslavian hands?
* I wanna be your Krakatoa, let my lava flow all over you
* I hope I'm not being forward, but do you mind if I chew on your butt?
* You must have fallen from heaven, that would explain how you messed up your face.
* Girl, you must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy

This one time, me and this guy I didn't know jsut walked around Dunsborough yelling "FUCK YEAH SLUTS" at any girl we saw.

"Don't you love the exactness of maths?"

This one’s not even cheesy –it’s just plain bad -what makes it worse is the guy who came up with it thinks it’s absolutely brilliant. I’m still scratching my head, but I think it’s supposed to appeal a certain kind of female. Use it and you’re guaranteed some sort of evil look.

This is actually a fucking good pick up line. Girls don't like any of that coy, cheesy shit. They like it when men are direct and to the point.

We played the pick-up game sometimes in my Filipino club in college. Here's a few of them (mostlycheesy, but well-executed):

*looks at shirt tag* "Just as I thought: made in heaven."

"Are you going back to your car... alone?"

"If you were a booger, I'd pick you."

"Do you have a little Filipino in you? Want to?"

"You must've fallen from heaven. Look at your face." (Okay, not a pick-up line. :p)

There was also a freaking hilarious pick-up on an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" with Neil Patrick Harris being awesome. Maybe I'll put it on YouTube or something and link to it.

From Robot Chicken:

"Are you from heaven? Because I've got an erection."

BEST. PICKUP LINE. EVER.

LOL robot chicken rules that beats everything in this whole page.

quagmire walking up to 2 girls "I don't want to come between you...or do I."

(just found from: http://www.humorsphere.com/sms/funny_pick_up_lines.htm)

Dirty ones:

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

Do you want to see something swell?

Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember - it was in the dictionary under the word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC!

Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.

Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".

If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.

Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the word.

You've been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room!

Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny!

"Can I have a picture of you?"
"Why?"
"I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas."

What about "You must be tired 'cause you've been running though my mind all night..."?

A response one from a radio show over here:
"Is that a ladder in your tights or is it the stairway to heaven?"
"Yes it is the stairway to heaven but I've already got an arse up there".

I've seen this somewhere on the net before:

Is your father a terrorist? 'Cause you're da bomb!

"I have only three months to live"

OH MY GOSH. That CRACKED me up. You have no idea. I've GOTTA use that one... *waits for roommate to return*

Of course... I wouldn't suggest using that line in New York or anything...

The first one is so long and nerdy it's great. And the problem set one... seriously, if a guy used that to pick someone up I'd be impressed.

Another one someone used on me (while sitting next to me):

"If you're a pirate, would you have your parrot here-"
(touches closer shoulder)
"-or here?"
(reaches other shoulder)

"I forgot my phone number, can I have yours"

"Are you from Mars?"
"No"
"Cuz your ass is outta dis world" *Program Executed: REJECTED.exe*

That was a great one. 10/10 ^_^

Would this possibly work? Worth ah try, no?

Haha, along those lines, there was a similar one we used in a play at my school:

"Are you wearing space pants?"

Yeah... you got the rest. :p

Dirty pick up line:

Those pants your'e wearing look nice. I'll say they would look even better on my bedroom floor.

Band
---
-I'd like to play an impromptu with you, don't worry if you're no good, you can make it up along the way.
-Are you at the end of the song yet because you're fine. (newbie musician)
-How about you practice shaping your embouchure right here (points to lips)?

This one might be a dirty reference. I saw it on Bromwell High:

Here's another one I remember:

Do you have a Band Aid because I scraped my knee falling for you.

"Excuse me, do you have directions because I got lost in your eyes."

Works better if you're holding a map.

Was your father a chicken farmer? Cause you can raise some cocks.

*Sniff
What's that smell?
*Look at her
Oh, it must be you. Cuz you da shit.

AAAHAHAHA

That, would simply get you a slap in da face.

I could actually imagine that working on quite a few people I know.

Nice one.

Do you want to go to the hoedown with me? Because you a ho and we gonna get DOWN!

Get in the car or come home with me.

That's as bad as you can go

Wouldn't you regret it if this was your last day on earth and you didn't get to be with the best you'd ever had? (Now grin very big - Piano Key smile)

That worked on a drunk chick, i gave it to my bud and it worked. haha.

I hate pickup lines, i fucking hate them. Never use them. But cheesy ones are always worth trying on chicks you don't wanna pick up for real. Just for a laugh.

The reason why I only bought 99 roses for you is because the 100th one is you.

Hi, you'll do!