First "breakup"
 

Heh

Now it's time where I post about something no one really cares about and is hated among forums.

I have just went through my first breakup with my first girlfriend after pretty much 8 months. I guess I just don't know what or how to react to any of this. I have been sad, I have been happy, I have been wrecked, I have just been an emotional wreck of ridiculousness.

I knew it was going to happen, and things haven't been the best between both, but I just don't know if I should keep asking for her to come back (even though, she probably wont). I just don't really know how to move on, but then again it's only been a day since it happened.

Then again I guess this comes with the whole package of having a relationship. I guess I am just asking how the hell can I move on from this without being so rediculous. Everything in my room has pretty much to do with her, from posters to a guitar that she bought me to books. I am not sure just if I should give them all back or not.

I guess now, I am not to upset about it, I just want to move on and not care about it. I have tried talking to friends, it helped a bit. I guess I am in denial about being alone again.

The only thing I can think of to say that would be even remotely helpful is that sucessive breakups become less damaging, on the whole. Whatever you do, do not try to get her back. Even if you managed to get back with her, things would never be the same. Just throw yourself into doing your own stuff, and in time, forget.

Dude, don't give back any stuff that she gave you. You don't expect her to return anything that you gave to her do you? Borrowed items are different...

Basically you need to take this opportunity to get back into any hobbies or activities that you neglected while with her, if any, and just do your own thing. You'll be emotionally fine before you even know it.

You're not going to be able to suddenly "stop caring about it." Its probably going to take a while for you to get used to not having her there, since she was there for the past 8 months. But believe me, it will fade in time.

I'm with Russ on not giving back any of the shit. Its yours. She gave it to you.

And yea, if you broke up (on her behlaf or yours), you know it won't work out. You know there's tension and issues between the two of you. Why would you want to go back? For familiarity purposes? Thats weak, man. You need to pack up and move on. It will take time in the purgatory of post-breakups, but its best you keep on keepin' on.

I just don't want anything that reminds me of her. I don't care if she gives the stuff I gave to her, I just don't want her stuff.

Playing video games and random other things just don't interest me much like they used to. I am trying to just involve myself more with friends so it's all easier to forget about.

Two months from now when all of your friends are busy working or with whatever and you're like "well, ole Chad and Steve and Mike and Suzie and Kim and Maria are all busy tonight. What should I do? Oh, I'll play guitar. OH DAMN I GAVE IT AWAY AND I AM NOW SAD!" My point is not to discount your idea of spending time with your friends, because that is a good idea and a great way to ease back into being single; my point was that in time the stuff will stop reminding you of this girl and start representing an item with some utility, which is what they are.

I basically agree with everything that everyone's said so far. It is important however to remember that everyone is different, and really you shouldn't let any speak for, or dictate how you should feel about a situation. I've wittnessed very few instances in which a couple gets back together after a break up, and it works, but it does happen. If it will happen, then it will probably be more than a passing thing, and it will happen when the time is right. Right now, is not the right time to be getting back together with her. You two just broke up, and there's been no time to heal wounds, and get back to life as it were. If the oppertunity arises, and you both know that it's the right thing to do, then by all means, get back together with her, but if not, don't sweat it, life goes on, and there's plenty of fish in the sea.

First off, find something else to do, maybe learn something new or such....
This isn't worth wasting your time over for this is only an experience that is unpleasant. (Although easier said than done) there is no point in continously idling in your state of doldrums. After you get over your slump, if it were my situation, I wouldn't rather try to ignite another relationship but rather mend it to which you are mutual friends. This would possibly ameliorate any animosity regarding this. It isn't as if others haven't experienced the same situation as yourself. But, what often helps is mending the friendship...don't think about starting another.

Regarding the stuff in your room, err if it bothers you that much than just put it in your closet or such in which it won't be a distraction to your time of recovery. It is just the concept of "Time" that would be most efficient; you will get over it.

Okay I'm not sure if this will work for you, but it sure as hell works for me; you gotta look on the bright side!!! Just think, you're free again, SINGLE! Take some time to enjoy yourself!
And...that guitar? Just look at it, and say, 'you're MY guitar! *wave your hands in a circular motion* I dispell any connection you had with my ex-girlfriend, I now no longer assosciate you with anything other than myself, and my love of guitars!' It works, trust me.
And hey, try to look at the whole thing as a learning experience : )

I guess I am not too bad with it anymore..

In a day I found out that she has dumped me, to go back into her drug habbits that she used to have. So, pretty much she dumped me for pot and alchohol, which I didn't agree with at all and find fucking stupid. It sure makes it a lot easier to get over.

Sorry Living Legend but it sounds like she doesn't deserve you. Having dealt with a guy with similiar issues, I got to say it really isn't worth it. In fact, feel thankful you got out when you did because bad habits like that have a tendency to suck you in. If she gave you up for her own bad ways, then it's her issue, not yours.

It's totally up to you to give back the relationship items or not, especially if you don't think you can get over the sentimental attachment. In fact, it may help with closure if you get it out of your house but on the other hand, they were gifts and are yours. You just have to decide whether or not you're strong enough to keep them around you without provoking emotions.

First breaks ups are always the hardest, especially if they were first loves. The pain goes away with time but just try to spend your time not locked in your room and out in the world with friends.

Yeah

It's not easy getting over at all, I tried to do everything I could to not care, but today was just really hard. It was on my mind so much that my stomache and chest were hurting just thinking about what was actually going on.

I have been out of the house quite a bit since it happened, but it still gets to me a lot. She likes another guy, was smoking pot with one of my good friends who just recently told me he sold pot for money, and it has all just been really ridiculous. It's like something so unbelievable stupid that happened, and I did nothing to deserve it.

I would and will never get pulled into doing drugs or drinking unless it's under my own terms. There have been many attemps by MANY different people, including close friends, but I will never do it.

Everyone is telling me to move on, there are other girls, which is true. Hell it even says it in the description of this board, but it's really hard to do when you think you have helped someone and loved them and then it ends because she has a crush.

I have the perfect story for you.

My first girlfriend was, to say the least, unstable. I wasn't even interested in her, didn't even know she existed, until she expressed her interest in me. I was reluctant at first to date her, because I remembered her from middle school. She used to pick on me a lot, so I wasn't fond of her.

At the time, I was trying to get a different girl. She'd rejected me once before, but that had been several months ago and I figured it was a good time to try again. Suddenly this girl shows up and wants to go out with me. Now back then I was stupid. The girl I was going for would have been the much better choice. She was sweet, attractive, and for some reason, reminded me of Aeris from FF7, who was my favorite female game character at the time. But she turned me down once before, so I had my doubts. This other girl, however was a sure thing.

Now before this story gets too long and boring, we broke up and got back together several times, and over that time, I had developed at least some feelings for her. You don't date someone for any period of time without liking them at least a little. Unless you lost a bet or something. So when she dumped me for the last time, yeah it hurt like hell. And over the years I wondered how things would've been if we stayed together.

A few months ago, I saw her and her boyfriend, fiancee, whatever come into my store. She had two kids with her and looked like absolute hell. She's also 19 or 20 now. I found myself shuddering and wondering "What the bloody fuck did i ever see in her?!" Then I thought to myself, "Oh my God, that could've been me!" and I pitied the poor guy. In the meantime, I've been dating the girl I'm with now for nearly a year, and love her more than anything.

So you see, first loves usually aren't worth a damn. It's after dozens of failures and rejection and heartache that make the One, whenever you find her/him, that much more special to you. So give it some time. One day, several years from now when you see her again on the streets, strung out on some new super drug that puts you in a coma just from smelling the fumes, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

This whole dating this is nothing more than a giant lesson for the particiapants to learn the right things to do... the wrong things to do... etc. First loves... second loves... third loves... fifteenth loves...

And while eight months isn't a small thing in terms of relationships... in the scope of life it will become but a memory for you to eventually reflect back on and remember different things that could be applied to other relationships. I should know... dated a variety of women over the course of ten+ years... and have now been married for just about five years. ^_^

OMG SHE DOES DRUGS! SOMEONE CALL A WAMBULANCE! I love how you people act like drinking and smoking dope are somehow the ultimate vice. It's probably good that she left you, you seem like a boring S.O.B. anyway. You definitely posted in the right section. It's the only place that won't rip you to shreds for this.

I suggest masturbating a lot and then hurling 5 or 6 days worth of spunk at her bedroom window

I agree with you Living Legend. You're better off without her. If she chose drugs and alcohol over you, then she really doesn't have her life together. Those behaviors are negligent and selfish, and anyone who thinks you need drugs or alcohol to have a good time... well you're an idiot. Don't even try to turn this into a "drugs and alcohol aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be" thread. They are, you're wrong, shut-up. I will not argue with idiots.

So Living Legend, take some time to sort things out. Time will heal some of those wounds. When you are ready go find yourself a girl that actual has some self-esteem and doesn't engage in self-deprecating behaviors.

Um, pretty much everyone I know drinks and smokes weed. I wouldn't say that I'm better than them because I don't. It's just a choice, and as long as it doesn't become a serious problem, who really cares?

It is a serious problem, and "who really cares" are the people around them, not the people that do it with them, but their family and the friends they may have that don't do it.

Pretending that something is not a problem just because there are other people who do the same thing is negligent. What do they teach you in school about drugs and alcohol? *sigh*

I really care, I don't want to be known as someone who would be associated with drugs or alchohol. With friends, I only have maybe one who drinks and smokes and I think IT'S FUCKING STUPID, and I hope he reads that since he is on this board "Shiny Mcshine".

It has been hard enough not to do any of that crap with people all around this town who offer it, go to parties and fuck themselves up all the time. There are so many stories that involve alchohol that I hate that have had to do with friends, from crashing cars, rape, and death. If that isn't enough to drive me away from drinking then I don't know what is.

I guess I would rather just have a "clean" girlfriend, rather than one who feels they need pot or to get drunk every weekend.

I am over the whole situation, but what is harder is she said she was thinking about letting me have another chance, but right now...I am not even sure if I want another chance with her because all of the stuff I have heard she has been doing lately.

If you're over her, don't let her drag you back down.

You know what you do?

If her parents like you:
You go to her house, when she's not home, bring an empty box. Ask her parents if you can put it on her bed for when she gets home. Then, then you jerk off on her pillows and leave.

If they don't like you:
Pour bleach on their front yard at night spelling out some random insult that somebody else called her. They'll never think it's you. =D

Either way man, if you don't want the shit... burn it... The guitar, keep it, keep practicing, get a better one.
Get a gig at an outdoor venue. Make sure she's there. Make sure you play awesomely though. Beforehand drill holes into your guitar and fill them with gasoline soaked rag bits.

At the end of the set, pour some gas on it, light it on fire, and smash it.
Works best if it's done on concrete/pavement stage unless the venue has a wooden stage. If so, you purposely throw it at her, but make it look like an accident.

Another chance? With a druggie?

Okay, I guess the reason you went out with her was cause she was good looking. If so: THERE ARE BAZILLIONS OF HOT CHICKS OUT THERE. My advice to you, take it or leave it, is to get back into doing the things you love so that you can stay yourself. And when you stay urself, an attractive AND nice (they do exist) girl will come to you. You don't find love, love finds you (this I can say from personal experience).

However, if you went out with her because she's nice: Bullshit. Everyone can be nice when they feel like it. It all comes down to trust really, and by your entries so far I concluded that she is a deceitful, dirty and unsympathetic girl who don't care about your feelings. Give her a miss.

And as I mentioned before, there are A GAZILLION other nice girls out there. Why limited yourself to this girl?

I agree with chaofan.

Furthermore, throw them away. Anything that reminds you of her, be gone with. Trust me.

Additionally, stop talking to your friends about it. Listen to Metalcore. You'll find that listening to people scream and growl in such a way that you can't understand will help. You won't know what they're saying but you'll know they're talking to you. Try Between the Buried and me. They grind until you're just about ready to rip your ears off, then midsong they break into a beautiful ballad, and just when you're about to shed a tear, they grind some more. Trust me. Get a guitar. Make it a point to learn how to express your angst in a non-fagtastic manner. You can't go wrong with music. Even the whiniest emotions become beautiful when expressed in song. Just don't write lyrics because you'll defeat the purpose.

Listening to music after a break up is almost a right of passage. The love songs turn to angry loud songs, and after a few weeks hopefully you'll feel better and be over her.

Well let's see...the last time I was drunk was......lemme think...that's right, OCTOBER...and the last time I smoked weed was like 2 1/2 months ago.



So please explain to me this high-all-the-time, drunk-every-weekend thing. No really.

This is true, and it works.

I've only had one major breakup in my life, and I found it really tough going. And to be fair, I don't think you ever get over it fully. Or maybe that's just me?

But yeah, the best thing that you can do is to try and do as many things as possible. Keep yourself busy. It will be hard, but the sooner you start your mind working on other things, then the pain will ease away.

Hmm... since all my old posts went down with the GFF crash, I'll say it again.

It's a psychological thing, once you think about depressing stuff, to reopen old wounds, past traumatic events and times when you feel like killing yourself. EMO music is okay... just as long as you are about to let out that anger/depression. If you bathe in it while listening to EMO music... well... You'll turn out like I was in Year 10 (which is not very good believe me).

Hang in there man. A girl far greater than your ex will come. The system works.

No, The reason I went out with her was because we connected so well, with music and art. I sadly met her online and I had no idea what she looked like, but I liked her from the beginning. When I met her, I did find her very attractive though.

Going out with a hot girl just because she is hot is quite ridiculous to me. Something I wouldn't do just based on that. What I thought I had with her was love, I still feel something and it's not something easily to get over, but oh well.

It's sad reading this, she was nice...for a few months. 6 months of being nice and then somehow something went horribly wrong. She went and smoked pot, which is a promise she broke, so trust was out the window.

She seems quite deceitful, and unsympethetic based on her current actions, and it just wasn't good. Even though at the end the relationship went to shit (the last two months) I just still wish it was happening.

Oh well, I have to move on, and it's fucking not that easy.

No it's not easy... but hey as everyone else said, just go back to the things you enjoy.

Oh... the first impressions thing. I think that's only think prevent people in the world to actually have prolonged relationships. People are going on with their lives not really knowing that the girl they pick on at work/school is the one that they have a more fruitful relationship with, rather than the girl who seems pretty and nice.

But then again, it's hard to know who's a good person or not. You'll be fine anyways.

as many people would say if you eat for every day rice or apples you will either A) get used to them so much that you cant live without them OR B)Get tired of rice or apples and never want to eat them again.

Life is full of decision and choices!You cant blame someone who wants to eat rice and apple so much but on the other hand you CANT force someone to eat rice or apples without his will.

So in this case your apple and rice are not wanted by her,while her apples or rice are so hot that have you hooked?

My advice life is not only apples and rice,there are many spaggeti girls out there,chocolate girls,fruit girls (other than apple girls),hot tasty girls,rotten or not good ,sweat and salty,anything you can imagine!

Women are not only the rice and apples you were used to eating!Eat something else

From your food specialist NIKODR :)

OMG I MUST BE A HEATHEN BECAUSE I DRINK ALCOHOL.

Oh wait, I smoke cigarettes too! OMG.

Seriously, all of the people in here that are like OMG DRUGS R BAD, not constructive at all, because I can guarantee you most of them are ignorant to the subject, anyway. Do you guys eat cheeseburgers, or better yet take prescription "medications"?

Anyway, before I derail the thread. I know what you're going through, I remember my first break-up, and it wasn't the worst one I've been through, either. So, the first isn't always the hardest, but like many other things in life it's a learning experience. It's a good idea to hang-out more with friends, in fact, it's a good idea to hang out a lot with your friends while you're in the relationship, so as to avoid the shrinking social group effect that sometimes happens in long-term relationships.

Maybe it's just me, but I always find that just going back to dating again helps. You know, testing the waters, going out and having some fun, meeting new people. Sure, you may only go on a couple of dates with some of these other women you meet, but that's how you find the one you click with.

I just broke up with someone I had been seeing for awhile since I got back to San Diego, a few weeks ago. I went out with thes other woman and we've been getting along pretty well. It's fun and it's refreshing to know that there's always someone out there for you.

Nice try asshole but I hate people who post like you. I don't give a fuck if he's a drama queen(king?).

He's hurt and well he needs some help and reassurance like any other human being.

And he didn't say that doing drugs or booze is bad(not that I saw anyway.) but if she goes into like an addiction where she's abusing it. THAT IS THE PROBLEM.

Go ahead and try to flame me. You'll be wasting your breath you piece of shit.

Anyway...

I have to agree with most people here.

All you can do is move on and relax. There will be much better girls then that one espeically if she has a drug and or booze problem.

Requoted cause she is right.

If at worse did what I did with my friend did on his first break up. Went to a bonfire with friends and me, had fun, talked and burned anything he remembered of her.

He saw the burning as a rite of passing on, to forget the old and reach for the stars. All you have to do is keep on pushing foward and have hope.