Blind Dates
 

I'm the only single female buddy of all of my friends. Everyone is either in a serious relationship or they are married/engaged with kids, and of course they associate me as the "poor kid who we should all help to find a date". So, I've been roped into a blind date that I won't be able to go on until at least September since the guy lives near my college.

The friend hasn't sent me a picture of the guy yet, but this is how she described him so far:
I gave this description to my other friends and they came up with this conclusion: "A desperate, obease computer geek who is probably very clingy and has low self-esteem." Looks are not as important as personality, but I'm not going to kiss someone that I couldn't stand to look at.

The guy knows what I look like, so I've asked her a couple of times for a picture of him. She told me that her camera broke after she got a picture of the guy and a couple of her new baby cousin, which I hope isn't related to the reason why the camera broke. Yes, I did the desperate detective search and searched Illutia and Facebook for him, but he's not on Facebook and there's no pictures of the staff on Illutia.

I'm sick and tired of getting stuck with nice guys that are so shocked to have someone as beautiful, witty, wise, and charismatic as me (this is their words, not mine folks), that they end up calling me/IMing me every single day and keeping me from my studies, friends, and work. Or they are the "nice guy" to everyone, but turn out to be creepy around me and keep asking me to do things that I would never do even to a very hot husband if I were to ever have a husband *shivers*.

I know that my friends may be wrong and I'm still going to meet the guy since I haven't been on an off-line date in over 4 years, but based on the description, do you think my friends are right? Am I doomed to yet another clingy guy that might freak out when he finds out I'm going to England? Should I send the friend another e-mail (she hasn't responded to the first one yet) asking to physically describe him, or would that be too much? Feel free to tell me your horror stories of blind dates, the last blind date I went on almost killed me b/c he was doing illegal drugs while driving.

Whoo! My first post. I'm typing from my phone so forgive me if theres any bad grammar. Isn't it no longer a blind date if you see what they look like? Anyways i suppose you're kinda interested if you post here. Since you're moving to England soon it mightn't matter so much if it does go sour.

Visavi, at times it seems like I strangely I relate to you. I haven't been able to land a successful relationship at all, and basically it's from similar circumstances with yours. In short, the guys don't cut it. My journal has a couple entries on a failed attempt from someone to ask me out (sad, but true). I understand the frustration of not being able to get a suitable guy to fit yourself. And I also did receive varying complements on "you're a cute smart girl" etc. that make them come off as creepy instead of what they think they're trying to come off as.

First off, not being able to swap pictures is a bad sign. Since he's been given yours, I would expect that you should receive his. I don't think it's bad to ask your friend to at least describe him physically, ex: height, build, hair color, etc. You already have his personality/hobby descriptions, it's only fair that you receive something on his end.

I've been on a few blind dates. All didn't work out. I couldn't get myself to agree for a second. These guys are nice, yes, but obviously there is something that acts as an obstacle between us. Personality of course isn't everything, contrary to idealistic beliefs. And I did have to face the constant phone calls, then me making up constant lame excuses. Constant knocks on my dorm door. Constant IM messages. Things like that get annoying; I've been through that too. You just learn to deal.

Another thing, you shouldn't be hasty to assume he's a fat and ugly no life. Go on a blind date with him, invite one of your close friends to accompany you, and then you don't have to deal with him pulling any intimate moves. If this date proves unsuccessful, then tell him that you're not interested (in a nice way of course). And who says you have to kiss on the first date? Don't follow that unless you actually like him! That will only lead to more trouble down the road (that you plan to cut short if you do).

Also, instead of whining, why not you take the initiative yourself? I feel like sometimes life is too short for waiting, so take a chance on the next good looking guy you come across and see where that takes you.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a physical description. I mean, it may seem stuck up or whatever but seriously, this is your time we're talking about here. No need to waste it on someone you don't find a little bit attractive in the physical sense.

The only thing about seeing a picture is that you really can't judge whether or not you're going to be attracted to him by his picture. Obviously it would rule out the possibility that he's a two-headed ogre, but beyond that it really isn't going to help you much. Some people are ridiculously unphotogenic, OR WORSE...he could look good in the picture and then you find that he looks nothing like that in real life.

I'd stop dwelling on the lack of picture if I were you. It's not like you're marrying him on this date in September. Just wait it out and when the time comes, if there's no attraction, there's no loss. It's just one date.

Heh, not having been on a date yet, but yeah if the guy is clingy, tell you're busy. He'll probably stop messaging you as much as not to tick you off. Anyways, im shocked that the stalkers tool "Facebook" didn't work. I haven't used myspace or friendster, but would those work?

What a small world it is. I used to play Illutia (and I think Izabella still does...)

I've never spoken to any of the designers, aside from the woman who owns and runs the game, so I don't have any inside dirt.

I don't see any harm in going on the date. To assuage your fears, this guy actually goes out and volunteers his time for something, instead of sitting at home all day, so at the very least, he has some motivation and social interaction skills.

Simply looking at these descriptions, it appears that your friend is somewhat dodgy in describing him unless you merely summarized it and neglected miniscule information (though the specifics of oragami designs deter me from believing so). This is your date, you deserve to know about this character in some diverse dimentions. Since you did specify that physical aspects is an influential characteristic, you should merely ask in a general manner as if you were curious rather than suspicious (not really too specific) of his height (taller than you and by how much), body size (slim, large, normal...etc..). But I would not recommend dwelving too much into it SINCE you did state that you are automatically going on the date anyway so why make yourself worry about something in the wait until the day of the date in which merely more "dread" would be ignited?
Simply go with it, read his mannerisms and rigorously quiz him (in a subtle manner) to determine if he is a creep, for I am curious how these dates of yours are able to get such information such as phone numbers/SN/etc.... Perhaps more caution should be considered?

I'd like to know how your friends have reached their conclusion - they must be so smart. :doh:

I have no idea if he has myspace or friendster. I have facebook, which is how he found my picture thanks to the mutual friend, but it turns out that he hasn't signed up for one. If the friend ever e-mails me back I might ask if he does.

Most of my dates know my friends, except for my on-line dates, so I can't exactly stop them from finding out the information if they ask my friends since they are normally mutual friends. On-line dates, which I haven't been in one in forever b/c that's where I mainly meet the creepy guys, don't know my number or anything, just my username.

I'm very lenient when it comes to looks, but I've only heard the behavioral aspect of him and I basically typed all I know about him in the first post. It makes me nervous that she would show him a picture of me and yet I don't even get a hint about what he looks like.

LOL. The basic description of the friends are that none of them have graduate from high school, they are already engaged/married, and they OD on drugs so often that they don't have a steady job or a gaming console. I don't know if that gives you an idea about how they reached this conclusion, but you shouldn't take them too seriously. I try not to, but then I have those, "What if they're right?" episodes ;).

I'd be nervous if you haven't seen a picture (as it has been said many times before).

I say this: If you meet the guy and you like him, but he is the type who will call you a ton, tell him stop wearing his heart on his sleve. If he lays off it, then there you go!

(this is coming from a guy who was like that, but changed and eventually married the girl :))

Thanks for the replies so far. I used the opportunity to see if she had any information about my boss as a chance to see if she could describe what he looked like. I used the whole, "my friend thinks he might know him, but he only gave me a physical description and I had no idea what to say. Can you tell me what he looks like to see if he's right" explaination. It's been about 3 days since I sent that letter and about a week since I sent the letter before.

I would understand why you wouldn't give a physical description the first time, but it seems like a relatively somewhat long for a simple response. Though you may justify it by stating that the friend is busy so on so on...a week is somewhat long afterall, but who knows.

I think you're too paranoid about this. It's a blind date. It's suppose to be fun, and just trying to get to know a new person. I'm sure the other guy isn't expecting much except maybe to make a new friend at the most. It's not like your friend hooked you up with a rapist.

The last time I went on a blind date it um... didn't work out too well... :p

I wouldn't rule it out completely if I were you, though. Even though in my experience blind dates are ordeals worthy of the 9th circle of Dante's Inferno, I have actually seen many a happy couple brought together by casual blind dates. I guess what I'm saying is: Give it a shot and if it doesn't work then move on to greener (and more intimately acquainted) pastures.

I see what you mean in your entry. Oh, and my friend finally sent me a couple of pictures of the guy.

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...ure/loser1.jpg
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...ure/loser2.jpg

What concerns me more than the child-eating grin on his face is the fact that he named his pictures "loser." Or was that your friend's name for the photos? Either way, that's a baaaaad sign. =/

LOL, I was more focused on his bug-eyed expression, but I agree with the smile. Um...I have no idea who named the photos. The expression I guess could be from the camera flash.

Wow.

That might be a reason for a negative answer to the whole date thing. It's not necessarily that he is, well, not physically well proportioned, but the clothes? And my impressions from those photos are that he's trying pretty hard, but failing miserably... Poor guy.

Well, it's your call. If I were a girl, and in your shoes, I'd definitely say "no, thank you."

Well the important thing is that it looks like he is trying. Come on, it could be a whole lot worse maybe he could be wearing a shirt far more baggier, he could have disheveled hair to the extent it looks like an afro, he IS wearing a watch (maybe for decoration or for telling time), overall it is pretty much a tossup...there might be more that meets the eye. Still is a little odd that you didn't get the pictures sooner while he did get pictures of you relatively quickly.

I just saw that guy's pics. I have a question. Why on earth would your own friends try and hook you up with a guy that they know you won't like?

But seriously, don't judge all nice guys as either over-sensative or creepy stalkers.

Blind dates are one thing, but personality takes the cake. You can be with the best looking guy/girl around, but if he's a jerk, there's no point.

Me? I consider myself a "nice guy." OH NOES! RED FLAG!

However, I'm perfectly satisfied with my looks. I may play games and watch anime and such, but that hardly makes me an ugly, creepy guy. I think I look pretty good considering the "anime/gamer stereotype" and I certainly don't stalk. As for the whole "I'm lucky to have a girl like you" thing, thats called modesty. I don't know if arrogance is a turn-on for you or not, but I know a lot of girls would say no to someone who acted like he can get any pretty girl to fall at his feet.

I apologise for sounding all flame-ish, but I just felt it needed to be said. Long story short, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Harry Potter? Yeah...I made fun of it.....until I read it.

It is odd, I agree. I think it might be the camera flash that caused the expression. I'm still going to meet him to see how we connect personality wise since it is more important.

I'm not saying that all guys are, but it's just from my personal experience that the nice guys that wanted to date me were mostly creepy or the kind of guy that was too clingy (not overly sensitive). I've met nice guys that seemed really awesome, but one dumped me after 4 years while he was cheating on me with another man and a few others were already dating someone/were not looking.

Actually, I loathe the jerks. They were all over my high school and we had an understanding: we hated each other.

It's cool. I'm not mad or anything, I think the way I worded some of the posts it makes me sound a little cold-hearted. I just haven't had the best luck with dates (cheaters, money grubbers, someone who drove while he was extremely high, etc.) so it was more ranting rather than my view about all nice men. I like nice men, it's just hard for me to find one that's available.

It's not just the whole "I'm lucky to have a girl like you" thing that affects me. I don't mind that, it's when the guy starts calling every night and talks for 2-3 hours and believes if I talk to another male friend--which I have to keep my sanity--they get extremely upset. I'm in college, I can't afford to spend 2-3 hours every night when I have 2 jobs, homework, and other projects. I would love to spend some time with him, but I need a guy that has a life outside of a relationship and doesn't just waste time so he could talk to me (which happened in a couple of past relationships). I know it sounds like some women's ideal guy, but seriously, the whole "I have no friends to hang out with, I already did all my homework, I just watch television until I can call you at 9 p.m." thing is sort of like a guilt noose.

I like gamers. Guys of all different weights are great in their own way. I like guys with dark hair and with an IQ higher than mustard. I'm just a little skeptical about blind dates. I like giving them a chance, but I do a little skepticism along the way (who doesn't). I'm more into personality than looks, even though personality does hold some importance (I don't know a single person who would date someone they find repulsive). It's an odd time right now and I was expecting something worse since the friend shown him my picture right away but she was very hesitant about sending his picture to me.

Actually, I know where you're coming from. My last girlfriend was like that. I wanted some time alone but she was too clingly. She was a sweetheart and we're still friends, but it just didn't work out romantically. However, we lasted 14 months, but that was plenty of time to get to know the real person you were dating.

I've been single ever since though and I'm still seeking. It's just that the type of girl I like is always unavailable, or a lesbian >.>

One clingy guy and I are still buddies as well, but he stopped the calls b/c his phone was disconnected and now he's trying to triple major (German, Spanish, and History). I understand about the lesbian thing since my campus is 40% male and 20% of those are homosexual and most of those numbers are within my major--Communications--or Theatre.

Yeah. I support homosexual love and everything, but when half of the population is like that, makes it kinda hard.

Most women I meet are either lesbian or bi-fem preference. Usually the ones that are straight or bi-male preference are spoken for as well.

It's like finding a needle in a haystack @_@

Side Note - Theatre was my major for 8 years (thats including middle and high school) and there were actually far more girls than guys and theatre, and the guys were usually more "druggy" type that didn't seem to care XD

Oh honey... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

He looks just "average" though the way he dresses is a bit odd. To be honest, most of you guys here fall under that "average" category. Well probably "above-average" for most. So why dog on him?

And Encephalon, I guess you don't like pious girls, though some are crazy Jesus loving freaks. What's wrong if she's Catholic? The no sex before marriage hurts? Or was she the preacher type?

Heck I guess you could just try, go on this date, if you really don't like him, shoot him down. Maybe he could turn out to be a real casanova and sweep you off your feet ;).

(If he's a creepy pedophilic stalker then run...run for your life...lol it'd be jks to see a girl running from a date)

I'm atheist

Not really. I wasn't in itto get married. It was just a blind date and, sweet limping jesus, it was just not for me.

Silly me. I didn't link you guys to the follow-up date after that first one. :p

DAT BIBLE CLAN AIN'T NUTTIN' TO FUCK WIT

Stay away. Look at that fucking shirt! His hair looks like a damn helmet... but worst of all... his gums are red and puffy which is the most disgusting thing. I coudn't stand to date anybody who had bad oral hygiene. This dude looks like he's a few Mt. Dew's away from periodontal disease. He also needs to shave that shit off his face.

I went on a blind date a few months ago, but it didn't really work out too well. She was only 19 (and I'm 24) and the age gap was a little much. She was cute and all, but it seemed like she was trying too hard to get me to like her. She kept asking me a ton of questions so the conversation wouldn't go dry, but I could tell that she wasn't acutally listening as much as she was planning her next question. Since then, I've seen her around a few times and she continues to be flirty which is pretty cool. It's too bad that she didn't just loosen up and be herself cause I'm sure she's probably a cool chick.

Either way, good luck on your blind date, but if he leans in for the goodnight kiss, be careful.

It could be worse. He could be wearing a Dragonball Z silk button up shirt.

...lol...he could also be cosplaying...sailor moon...*shudders*

Encephalon: too bad that girl was so...yeah...but heck I guess it's good that she got it out early, so you didn't waste a couple more dates eh?

This right here is, by far, the largest problem with blind dates. There is such a hesitation going into them that one almost feels like small talk and petty compliments are a good way to “break the ice”. In most cases, I would think that it causes more problems than one would originally see. People really should loosen up a lot more on blind dates and just be themselves instead of watered down versions of what they perceive the other wants. It shows a little bit of class and it makes the time pass a lot more comfortably. If at the end of the night you see that this just isn’t working out; too bad. Thank them for their time and be on your way.

They’re just that: DATES. Not arranged marriages.

Am I the only one that notices Vis uses lines like "I'm sick and tired of getting stuck with nice guys that are so shocked to have someone as beautiful, witty, wise, and charismatic as me" and slags on that guy (albeit with good reason) and yet we don't know what she looks like? For all we know, she's some fucking sea hag lambasting this guy.

Well don't be so hard on her Denicalis, meanwhile, who don't you post a picture of yourself Visavi?

Ugh. I knew fellows like him before. I bet ya $5 he has a Dragonball Z computer desktop wallpaper :( I dunno WHY folks wear shirts like that.

Hell, I always wear button-up shirts, but they're ONE COLOR, sleeves rolled up, and not half un-buttoned at the bottom like his. Everyone I've seen that wears a weirdass silk shirt like that (or with DBZ on it. Truth =() is the same kind of person. Very spastic, messy, and generally quite annoying. Sorry to judge a book by its cover, but the average Joe will say "I ain't putting that shit-rag on my torso."

I believe Crash said it once. You can judge someone based on how they dress as well as how well they maintain hygiene. His hair needs a snipping. This is coming from a guy who lets the hair on top of his head grow to a nice length. See profile pic to see a pic shortly before a snipping ;O

The goatee is really "wtf" to be honest. Some folks just *don't* look right with one. He certainly fits that bill.

I'm not saying she IS a sea hag, I said for all we know. She doesn't strike me as such with how she comes across, but to criticise someone else's appearance when you have a doll up on your profile page? I tend to think the dollz people are generally fairly vapid, but she doesn't come across that way. Thus, I wonder about the double standard.

Did you perhaps not read the part in parenthesis that said that was what the other guys said about me? Besides, my comments have not been nearly has harsh as the others on the forum.

Because regardless of what SOME people believe (not you), I don't have a camera that I use to take constant pictures of myself. I'll ask my friend if she will send me the picture she sent the guy and then I'll post it A.S.A.P.

Didn't you say you had a picture of yourself on Facebook that was shown to him?

Well, we don't care for other guys' opinions =p I could tell you Bea Arthur is a drop-dead gorgeous gal through personal opinion, but that sure as shit doesn't mean everyone should promptly agree by proxy, and she should be on the cover of Glamour magazine the following week.

And no, I don't find Bea Arthur attractive :(

I used to, but I read an article on a local news site about faculty and future employers who take facebook photo's too seriously. My account is completely empty now and I got the picture from her (she was throwing a party and I was hold a Corona for a prank photo). I have to ask her to send me the photo. Actually, I think I'll see if she can send me the photo with a close-up shot just in case.

Star-Telegram Article

well at least she's not a photo-whore eh?

tell us if you decide to go on this date or not, :lolsign:

You know, one time I had a car salesman come into my office and gave me a photo of himself that I can only assume was at a family gathering or barbecue. He was just standing with a Corona in his hand and the first thing he told me was, "Put this picture on my business card, but blur out the bottle of Corona; everybody's gonna think I'm a drunk."

Good times... :p

LOL, I go to a very Christian college that's trying to expel a guy b/c one of his profiles said that he was gay. The guy is trying to sue the college for a full-tuiton scholarship elsewhere. Don't know if that's possible.

I apologize for the flash in the photo, but here it is: Side View

Also, the person told me it was going to be a group meeting at first, so that helps to relax the nerves of blind dating. I'm going to meet him and talk to him to see what kind of personality and aura surrounds him (I think he's a bit nervous as well). Then, I will go from there. However, she told me the meeting may not be until September, so I'm thinking about closing the thread in a few days and posting the event in my sad excuse for a journal.

P.S. My hair is a little longer now.

You look like Rosanna Arquette.

SERIOUSLY. More specifically in Pulp Fiction...

Minus the piercings, of course.

Well, you seem cuter than he is, I'll give you that. Dude sort of looks like someone who would wind up with Sass.

Whoa. Visavi, you're very cute!!

I dont think you should go on the date. Especially because you are going off to England and your previous experience wasnt that great. You know, I hear great things about cute Britsh boys ;)

But in all seriousness, I dont think relationships are something to be rushed. Just becuase your friends are dating or married doesnt mean you have to jump on that too. Take your time and enjoy life because you're at an age if you settle down, its probably going to be serious (not to say it shouldn't be). I mean what I'm really trying to say is that you should do what you want, not because you feel pressured by your friends.

I agree, you look way better than that guy lol.

Dear sweet lord, that kid looks like a pug. Not wanting to give you a big head or anything, but you can do SO MUCH BETTER than a greasy little guy like this. Yep... SO much better.

Yes, I concur.

She ended up with The Dopefish that almost crashed the boards.

She already accepted the date, would'nt it be rude to simply deny it after accepting it? Should just see how it goes and then make a conclusion regarding first impressions of this fellow. But I do concur, you are pretty cute Visavi, how about a date if this doens't work out XD?

Seriously now, some of you guys are treating this as if she were marrying this guy. Come on, this is a measily date (a free meal at that) in which she could just go in "say hi" talk about whatever for some hours then depart. If he was something she was looking for then it is a "plus" and there goes a relationship. Simply there are up and down regarding great and not so great guys concerning appearance. But yeah...go with the flow in regards to running into your "ideal" someone. This is a blind date afterall so I guess not too much can be done about this.
Hydellon is correct about taking your time as well, wouldn't want to rush into a relationship that would really be a deterrence. Good luck and I anticipate the outcome.

Thanks for the comments. I'm going to close the thread and I'll probably write something in my signature about when the blind date occurs. Thanks again.