Perhaps people such as myself just find the thought of "human interaction" like the kind you've been giving rather sickening.

I find it sickening too. But you have to do it. The world is full of sickening people. It's not fair to deny it.

And yea, I'm a HUGE HYPOCRITE because Pang and I met ONLINE. Let's ignore all the other people I was with, shall we? I didn't use a service to find Pang. I didn't have him pre-selected from a meat market. I was actually with SOMEONE ELSE when Pang came along. It was a matter of bumping into him in a really BIZARRE manner.

And I am not against meeting people online. Lots of people DO that and succeed.

I am against what eHarmony stands for: Enabling social ineptitude.

So you can take your hypocrisy and shove it up your ass, Minion.

We've already discussed that it's not a meat market. You don't get to choose your matches. With other sites, you go around looking at pictures and you talk to whoever you want. That is a meat market, yes. With eharmony, you get maybe 3 matches at once and you have to deal with those people. You don't get to look for others.

I don't see why. I have to do it in my job, already, but why should I have to do it when I'm searching for someone who will understand me?
Why on earth wouldn't you want to cut out a lot of the unnecessary bullshit, and get rid of the people you know you wouldn't like in the first place?

Why SHOULD you? Thanks for proving my point! Everything is laid before you quite nicely, isn't it? "Hello, Minion. These are your three MATCHES! Good luck!"

It is pretty much taking your tastes, right, in say FOOD. And telling you "Well, you like calimari and pancakes! THESE are the GREATEST CALIMARI AND PANCAKE SHOPS IN THE WORLD!"

It IS a meat market, but not in the way that you usually think of the typical proverbial meat market.

You don't get to chose ANYTHING, do you. Heh

Because thats how mate selection goes. Do you know how much you LEARN from the experience?
Because you need to learn how to think for yourself. It IS necessary. THATS what I am trying to tell you. ;_;

Not really. But that's how you've accepted mate selection goes, not how it does. It's convention versus invention.

You know as well as I do that I have ready opinions of my own. You can't even fill out the personality profile on the site unless you can talk about what you like and what you dislike. Being antagonized by some bitch that's lecturing me on the finer points of why she likes watching Desperate Housewives, and eating salad, ravioli (and oh yeah, let's get dessert too) off of my dollar doesn't inform me of anything except what I already know, which is that honesty of personality is practically nonexistant in a traditional date setting.

You know, I never thought about that, but the stuff you know going into an eharmony relationship will generally take you about a month to get a feel for otherwise.

I really disagree. I think its very important to be able to get out there and not fear failure. Failure is as great as success. eHarmony caters to those who are afraid of failure. I think people need to stop worrying about it so much and learn from failure. Theres a lot to be said about learning from failure.

Thats not to say you CANT fail at eHarmony. Nothing is failsafe.

Yup.
Sure.
Your dollar wouldn't buy you that, though. (Chances are, anyways. LIke I said, nothing is failsafe. The INTENT is for your bypass that shit.)

Its important to know that if you DO go out on a date with a woman like this (ahahaha, I would hate it too), you have the right to chose and learn from your decision. You simply either duck out of the date or you never call her again. You have learned something you DISLIKE and you have learned how to DEAL with that.

You're missing that entire experience from eHarmony. You're just given people that you're most likely to have chemistry with. Which in my book is ultimate cheating.

If it's cheating, what's the test? To find happiness? And who's grading?

I totally disagree with you there. You're given people that you're COMPATIBLE with, which is an entirely different thing than chemistry. I'd bet my left arm that the percentage of people who actually experience chemistry with a person they meet on eharmony is less than 1%. I mean, that's hard enough to find meeting someone in person. Compatibility? Things in common? Sure. But chemistry? No way.

Nice misinterpretation, Minion.

"Selling yourself short by a long shot." Hows that. You want to misinterpret that, too?

Alice, chemistry and compatibility (did I spell that right?) are the same in my book. Sorry. It lines up people you HAVE A GOOD CHANCE of having something with. Hows that?

And "activities you mutually enjoy" aren't always going to score your your perfect mate. (Its hilarious to think so, though!)

Well, it looks like none of us are on the same page.

One thing, though.

It's more than just activities. They ask you a bunch of questions about your personality. Is there something else that's necessary to secure your perfect mate?

It depends on who you're asking. To me, chemistry boils down to purely animalistic sexual attraction to a person. I've dated a ton of guys who I seemed to be very compatible with, but nothing "clicked" physically or sexually or whatever it is. I can't even articulate it, to be honest. But it's something that's either there or it's not, and I can't live without it. Also, it rarely happens (to me, anyway).

Some people can, though, so I'm not knocking you.

Probably not. Its fun to discuss, though.

Depends on who you are, frankly.

Alice, we already know that you and I differ vastly on the topic of "physical" chemistry. I tend to ignore the looks and go straight for whats in the head. Some people seem to look at the barrier of looks before whats in the head. Its all depends on the person.

I really want to figure out what this "chemistry" is. Are you quite certain that it's not just a subtle personality trait that you can't articulate about?

I think "chemistry" is just something that causes two people who have never met before to really....um...jive well together.

I've met people (who I never intended to be my mate) that I REALLY jive well with. You're comfortable just sitting quietly with silence between you. There IS no awkward silence. You just kind of enjoy each other. And it feels like you've known each other a long long time.

A person you can let yourself be REAL with, I guess?

Minion, it might be, because I think it has very little to do with a person's looks, as evidenced by the fact that the guys I've dated who wouldn't be considered conventionally attractive are often the ones I've been the most sexually attracted to. I've often wondered if it's a smell. It could definitely be a personality trait, although if it is, I've yet to put my finger on it.

Now, Sass. What you're describing is the kind of rapport I have with one of my close friends. He's a guy though and I'm not gay. So, is chemistry possible between two people who don't want to have sex?

No, that's comfort. Not chemistry. Two COMPLETELY different things.

That's the thing, though. How do I know whether or not she was being socially open with me? How honest was she being? Was she chatting me up because she was nervous, and there's really a lot more going on behind the scenes?

Do I really want to spend more money to find out? Do I want to waste both of our times and make obligations that don't pan out? Do I want to give her the wrong impression because I'm curious about knowing her a bit more intimately?

And don't try to tell me that these things get easier to recognize with experience. I'm sure to some extent that's true, but what it really boils down to is gut instinct.

Alice will disagree with me, but ABSOLUTEY.

Chemistry means (in my head) that some things are MEANT to go together. Not necessarily for sex, but for mental health and camaraderie that naturally exists between certain people.

I mean, hopefully, the person you eventually settle down with longterm IS your best friend, right? Thats most important, no?

You can't worry about it. If you worry like that about every woman you date, you're going to end up wasting a lot of your time.

Off topic, I hate people who aren't honest when they meet you. Just TALK to me. I'll talk BACK. Be true. ;_;

(Also, this is where that EXPERIENCE could help in being able to determine these things! ^_^ )

Wow. You DO need more social interaction. ;_;

How about taking it step-by-step, really slowly, and not worrying about those things. Just show her who you are - if you do, hopefully SHE will feel comfortable to show YOU, too. Not everyone is socially OUTGOING enough to lay everything on the line and take some risks.

Its an art. It really is. Thats why I HATE these dating services claiming to be able to do miraculous things for lonely people. They need to do it on their own. ;_;

I disagree. I think you need to know what card game you're playing before sitting down at the table.

If you don't know the rules of the game, you won't be able to do the best you could do.

Don't yell at me.

So, in conclusion, Chemistry is another of those words that all women use and yet none agree on. Like "confident".

I think "confident" is pretty clear cut. Who the hell decided it wasn't while I had my back turned?!

Well, some women secretly mean "obnoxious".

Who the bloody hell are you talking about?

WHO thinks confidence is obnoxious. WHO. I don't think I've seen any GFFing FEMALES say that shit.