Hmm. That powder could be sugar. It could be something else. Many something elses, mostly for nefarious purposes. As Squeeze was pondering this, his companions dart in and snatch some of the powder for themselves. Was it that good? Tempting as it was to try it, Squeeze settles for taking one packet of powder for future analysis.

Squeeze decides that he wants to get some shuteye, but not before at least making another attempt to see if there was anything else in the neighborhood that could help them with their vehicular troubles. An aerial view might be the quickest way of going about it.

Go outside and get on hoverboard
Slowly ascend into the night sky and try to survey the area for anything he hasn't noticed before.
Slow descent.

The doctor was impressed by Squeeze's deft lock-pickery. The blob-thing, had the hands (er) of a surgeon. He recognized the green slips from ancient writings, but none of them appeared to be of the .99 denomination that appeared to be used ubiquitously. The white powder, on the other hand, he was wholly unfamiliar with and he attempted to take a package of it for analysis. With SCIENCE! :rr: Perhaps it was some kind of old world medication that could aid them in their journey? He would attempt to find out during their downtime.

The upstairs region still had several rooms that hadn't yet been explored, and Doc was in the mood for some explorin'. Moving past his compatriots he peered around the nearest corner at whatever awaited beyond.

Things are calming down for the night, even though the eeriness of the place makes it not completely restful. Stonum finally finishes his bowel evacuation, and sets his attention to the white powder, and testing its properties.

he opens the bag gently so as to not lose any on the ground. As the faint smell isn't too unpleasant, he decides to dip a finger in and give it a taste. The taste is hardly describable, but the slight burning sensation at the end isn't too displeasing, so he takes a big handful and stuffs it in his mouth.

Stonum waits a short while, and suddenly feels invigorated and ready to run. A lot. He also feels like shouting while he runs, and so he decides that the powder is indeed a very good thing, so he pours the rest of it into the remaining EVERCLEAR before running into the house, screaming at the top of his lungs, to gather whatever powder remains so he can have some for later.

Pocketing one of the bricks of powder, Doc explores the rest of the eerily tidy abode.

Bedroom! Excessively large bed with silk sheets, check. Mirror on the ceiling, check. Mirrors just everywhere, really, some of them covered in dozens of little scratches. Closet full of largely identical monogrammed bathrobes. Whoever "TJ" was, he knew what he liked. And what he liked generally came in size XXXXL. Drawers full of shapeless rubbery doodads. A really big poster of a shirtless fireman. An inflatable chocolate cake.

Bathroom. Bathroom. Bathroom. The second floor was mostly bathrooms, actually. Why would anyone need seven bathrooms? They're all more or less identical (save for the lingering dwarf funk in bathroom #3), save the subtle variations in the contents of the little cabinets atop each of the sinks. They were all full of little bottles with names like Aquadrex and Flembradone. A lot of Flembradone, actually.

Stonum binges on some of the mysterious powder, rapidly whirling into a powder-fuelled rampage. He is quite unlikely to be of any use to anyone anytime soon. Quite soon he is hunched over the defunct fish, calling it a "slack-jawed faggot" and promising that his doctored EVERCLEAR will make it into a "sexual Tyrannosaurus". The application of said concoction to the fish does not, in fact, generate any dinosaurs. But Stonum is content to blame the fish for this failure. Potential Tyrannosaurs wait elsewhere. Possibly at the bottom of the bottle. RESEARCH CONTINUES.

Squeeze surveys the area from the full elevation of the hoverboard, which is to say: about 5 meters up. His lofty position gets him a lovely view of the bugbear being messily devoured by yetis. Some predators track their prey by movement, but the suburban yeti is only able to detect prey which have remained completely stationary for an extraordinarily long time. Alas, the sun is now completely absent, and the hoverboard's totally rad rim lights do little to illuminate the greater surroundings. The attempt at reconnaissance is largely a failure.

Skittles knocks on the door of his intended paramour, only to be greeted by a large gorilla, its fur matted with what is, judging by the color and texture, fresh cockroach blood.

He could still make this work.

Boom! Totally subtle player rotation!

Skittles makes a mental note never to trust Squeeze again, then quickly assesses the situation.

"Good evening sir/ma'am. I'm going door to door to raise money for orphans of the Great Swine Rebellion. For a small donation, you can have some delicious and nutritious milk, or some of this mystery powder. Plus you'll sleep better knowing a poor little roach is saved from going to the great motel in the sky. Please, won't you give generously?"

Squeeze squints at the yetis. Looks like the cat managed to get himself into a public yeti orgy. Seems as though he's the only one not getting some lately. This needs to be rectified soon.

For now, though - more pressing matters. His survey of the neighborhood yielded nothing of note. It occurs to him that no one's attacked them yet, so perhaps he could do some trading for fuel. Squeeze decides to re-enter the house. Inside, he sees Stonum in a deliciously delirious state, but he isn't quite in the mood for drugged-up dwarf.

Squeeze takes 2 bottles each of Flembadrone and Aquadrex, and some rubbery doodads. He isn't quite sure what the bottles were for - rubbery doodads, on the other hand, always had some use for creatively-minded folks. He also takes a can of milk. With his haul, Squeeze heads for another nearby lit house, avoiding the house that must undoubtedly now be a cockroach love nest, and knocks on the door.

"Hello, friend. I would like to trade for fuel or perhaps a means of transportation. I am willing to provide goods or services, mmmmmmm."

The hulking ape looks around wildly out the open door flinging spittle with every jerk of his head.


"What you want antenna boy!? You gonna touch ma beans? Last fella like you I saw touched ma beans and now he dead!"

The blood-drenched gorilla reacts with active hostility toward Skittles' overture toward orphan-saving. Things could be going better. He's had worse first dates, but not while sober.

Squeeze looks around the neighborhood until finding another house with lights on indoors. A massively swollen pectoral muscle answers the door, twitching unpleasantly behind a thin veneer of leathery skin. It may be attached to a larger creature of some sort, but speculation of that sort would be irresponsible.

"NO FUEL", bellows a voice from somewhere behind the impressively chiseled half-a-chest. "JUST FIFTEEN TONS OF PROTEIN POWDER. WANNA GET RIPPED, BRO?"

A 300 kg barbell hurtles out of an upstairs window, spattering Squeeze with broken glass as it forms an alarming crater in the sidewalk.

Squeeze quickly reallocates his cytoplasm into his chest to try appear as buff as possible. This is a mild success at best. Regardless, he attempts to speak their language.

"FRIEND BRO. HAVE I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIEND UPSTAIRS.

YOU CAN SIGN UP FOR MY WORKOUT PLAN. YOU CAN TRAIN YOUR BACK MUSCLES AND LEG MUSCLES. AND UH, YOUR NECK MUSCLES TOO.

IT IS THE ANCIENT D90X WORK OUT. "D" IS FOR "DRAG-THE-WAGONS-TO-THE CITY", X IS FOR THE XXXXXTREME BURN YOUR GUNS WILL GET, MMMMHMMMM.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO DRAG SEVERAL THOUSAND POUNDS OF ANCIENT WAGONS AND BIKES TO ENVER. MY FRIENDS AND I WILL SIT ON THEM FOR EXTRA RESISTANCE. SIMPLE, BUT EFFECTIVE. YOU CAN BRING YOUR PROTEIN POWDER - I WILL PROVIDE THE MILK. WHAT DO YOU SAY, FRIEND BRO?"

Interaction: 7+1=8

Well, that went about as well as I expected.

"YEAH, PUSHING THOSE WAGONS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA! LET'S GO GUYS, GIMME SOME OF THAT POWDER TOO IF YOU THINK IT'LL HELP, I'M STARTING TO LIKE POWDER!"

Here comes Stonum, reeking of fish sauce and EVERCLEAR. He's still pretty amped up from the first powder he found tonight, and he's itching to get back on the road.

"C'MON MONKEY-MAN, LET'S GET THIS THING GOING!"

Yeah, problem is, that wagon's got a parking break on. It isn't going anywhere, though don't tell Stonum that, he's GETTING RIPPED!!!!

"I assure you, good sir, that I have no interest in seeing or touching your beans. In fact, this powder I'm selling today can offer great protection to your beans. It creates a mystical barrier that turns your beans invisible; great if you're worried about thieves making off with your hard-earned legumes. Hey, is there a lady of the house? I'm sure she'd be very interested in hearing about my magic powder."

Hearing the high-volume exchange, the doctor returns to see what his companions are up to. He is unimpressed.

"I feel compelled to point out that we have an important task to do, and it's neither devouring strange apparent stimulants nor seeking amorous relationships with probably-murdered giant insects."

"MILK?"

A low rumble rattles the little suburban house, and the yellowed flesh of the singularly swollen pectoral flushes red.

"MILK?"

"SHIT'S FULL OF, LIKE, HORMONES AND ENZYMES AND FAIRY SHIT LIKE THAT. YOU'RE TRYING TO SISSIFY ME! YOU ARE JEALOUS OF MY INCREDIBLY SWOLE BOD. HURRRRRRRGH."

Massive arms blast out of the second floor, destroying several windows and huge chunks of the exterior wall. The grotesque limbs are festooned with bulging veins the size of garden hoses and an array of badly stretched tribal tattoos. Judging by the clenched fist, Bro House isn't interested in a handshake.

"HOLD STILL, BRO. I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME... DEFINITION."

Amidst this manly melodrama, several other cockroach-folk have quietly scurried out of various homes along the lane, pointing at Hershfeld and muttering darkly about "the monster". They seem upset, when they're able to focus on the ape instead of being distracted by the static-blasting televisions each of them is clutching tightly to their body.

Stonum gets a +2 to his initiative thanks to being coked to the gills

:savepoint: Doc 18, Hershfeld 14, Stonum 11, Brohaus 11, Squeeze 10, Skittles 9, Klickies 24

Brohaus: AC 17 Fort 18 Ref 16 Will 15
Klickies: AC 16 Fort 15 Ref 14 Will 14

[Map]

"Dammit house boy I dun told you about wastin milk and makin a ruckus up in heah! And ya'll hooligans best turn them fancy picture boxes down!"

Grabbing his hat as he hauls ass out the door Hershfeld makes his way to the middle of street and yells at the top of his lungs.

"YALL SIMMA DOWN NOW!"

Suddenly he stops talking and blood spontaneously shoots out of every facial orifice followed swiftly by face planting onto the concrete.

Move to Q-12 and activate ultrashriek with overcharge. Assuming I'm reading that right and it hits at least 4 of the roaches and the house. If not I'll adjust position. Edit: never mind then.

I take 27 psychic damage and am down.

Edit:Apparently my attack went off before passing out so prepare yourselves.

Alright 33 psychic damage to 3 of the klickies and also Stonum ,Squeeze and Dr Andesite.

While Andy admired the constitution of roaches and their resistance to being killed by, well, most things, he didn't admire them enough to stop looking for new ways of doing it.

Play with chemistry!
Throw flask of bubbling, glowing goo at L17.
Hit: 8 + 4 + 1 + 2 = 15 vs. 16

Come oooooooooooon jesus christ.

Move to T15.

Stonum, in his blinding rage, is barely startled by the house suddenly turning on him and his companion. His race has been at the origin of much crazier architecture than this simple layman's tricks. Before it even has a chance to reach out for him, he blasts it with his blunderbuss, screaming:

"YOU'LL WISH YOU HAD BEEN BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD AS SOME KIND OF REPOSITORY FOR MOTOR VEHICLES AND REFUSE WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!"

9+2+1+5 = 17 vs. AC17

Hit!

Damage: 6+5 = 11

And with that, he starts off in the other direction, his chemically-enhanced experience preventing any kind of logic to his successive actions.

Move to Q15

Stonum stays on the ground in the spot where the yeti's doom wail befell him, twitching every now and then from the trail left in his system by his powdered-juice extravaganza.

The gorilla hurtles into the street, shrieking at the top of his lungs before abruptly collapsing in a pool of blood. The bean-thief's friends and the rest of the bugs look a little baffled before toppling over themselves. Even the beefy bro crammed into the house seems a little discomfited by this turn of events. Shrugging as best he can, Brohaus hauls himself off the foundation and begins laboriously hauling himself toward Skittles. Dude hadn't really done anything, but his blood was up. Had to crush somebody or he'd never be able to relax and enjoy Girls Gone Wild: The Moon. Squeeze's flexible protoplasm slips helplessly under Brohaus' shuffling bulk as the monster rumbles overtop him. Luckily Brohaus had an unoccupied basement.

Hershfeld, Squeeze, Doc, Stonum KOed. Killed 3 Klickies. Not sure if worthwhile tradeoff.

:savepoint: Skittles 9, Klickies 24, Doc 18 (KO), Hershfeld 14 (KO), Stonum 11 (KO), Brohaus 11, Squeeze 10 (KO)

[Map]

Let's just pretend I went to S19 instead, given my enormous timing oversight.

Realizing that he is the only survivor of his traveling companions, Skittles jars himself out of his momentary shock and dashes across the street. He hopes he can find a kindred spirit amongst the cockroachfolk, and opens with the ancestral greeting.

"Hail Blattarians! May your antenae always point to deliciousness. My brethren, you have lived with this bully, and you must know some way to quiet his rage. Will you help me?"

Move to K21 (or as close as I can)
Attempt to negotiate with the 3 nearest Klickies (3+2=FAIL)

With his attempt at parlay a failure, Skittles hunkers down behind his shield and hopes for the best.

Assuming I don't have another action, since I've moved and negotiated.

The other roaches immediately distrust Skittles, with his agrarian accent and his clear penchant for mingling with mammals. But these are soft, suburban cockroaches with little combat experience, and Skittles easily ducks when they wave their TV sets in the general vicinity of his head. Doc is not quite as agile, but his stony hide is more than adequate to shrug off a clumsily brandished Magnavox or two.

10 0 physical damage to Doc.

:savepoint: Doc 18, Hershfeld 14 (KO), Stonum 11 (KO), Brohaus 11, Squeeze 10 (KO), Skittles 9, Klickies 24

[Map]

Though his petrous exterior suggested a stoic patience, hidden within the good doctor was a roiling indignance. Roiling with the magmatic fury of the liquid core of the very Earth itself!

"STOP THAT."

Such was the fury of his exclamation that the 3 roaches all simultaneously crapped themselves and then toppled to the ground (not necessarily in that order), their simplistic insect brains unable to comprehend the true nature of Doc's attack.


Seismic Stomp!
16 + 4 + 1 = 21 vs. Fort (15)

Damage: 6 + 4 + 1 = 11 and knocked prone.

Shift down 1, 'cause a shift means that I don't get ruined by opportunity attacks right?

The three roaches faint dead away at the sight of Doc's indignant fury; they topple backward, curling protectively around their precious televisions.

The swollen monstrosity in the house drags its bulk ever closer, groping blindly at the spot where Doc had been stomping only moments before. Roofs collide, sending shingles raining down on the terrified klickies below.

Squeeze flops out the backdoor, looking awfully banged up after his trip through the house's interior.

:savepoint: Skittles 9, Klickies 24, Doc 18, Hershfeld 14 (KO), Stonum 11 (KO), Brohaus 11, Squeeze 10 (KO)

[Map]

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile3/brohaus04.png

Kindly ignore any missing trees & etc Roll20 is being glitchy this week. Still working on a reliable solution for coordinates.

"I'm sorry to have to do this," Skittles says to the surrounding Klickies, "but you leave me now choice. Perhaps some magic will impress you."

"Now you see me..."

Ectoplasmic Plunge on Klicky directly south of Skittles - (16+4+1=21 vs. 14)

"Now you don't."

Damage =(10+4+2) = 16
Shift to square east of attacked Klicky

"MAGIC!"

Completely unprepared for the terrifying power of MAGIC!, the klicky's heart seizes up. The two remaining residents of a rapidly depopulating neighborhood converge on Skittles again, bludgeoning him with limited success.

5 damage to Skittles

:savepoint: Doc 18, Hershfeld 14 (KO), Stonum 11 (KO), Brohaus 11, Squeeze 10 (KO), Skittles 9, Klickies 24

[Map]

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile3/brohaus05.png

Using his deductive reasoning :forscience: Doc decides that discretion is the better part of valour. "Good job over there, bug friend! You keep at it!"


Move around the house that isn't trying to kill us to the south, and up around the east side. I guess to Y18 or whatever it would be.