Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis

Quote:

Originally Posted by Araes (Post 694664)

if its not a ton of effort, would it be possible to have an archive of the writing and encounters for the scenario?

Graveyard is archived here, the sticky with the message for dead users is still there.

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Welcome brave adventurer!

Before embarking on your quest for fame and fortune, there are a few basic things you ought to know about being an adventurer in Gaminfort.

Great can be your reward for a successful career as an adventurer, but be warned, these rewards do not come without risk. On your travels you may discover treasure and amass great wealth, but you will also be forced to fight for your very life against viscous monsters, and even your fellow adventurers!

Yes, life is cheap in this day and age and sooner or later, every one of you will die. Probably sooner to be honest.

Never fear though, the gates to the underworld are weak, and death is but a transient thing. Though you might die, you will rise again soon after to continue your quest, with no more cost to you than a brief period of repose in the graveyard. There are rumours of a healer who will expedite your return for life for a fee, but that is something for you to discover as and when you first feel death's cold embrace.

Although individuals vary in their talents, there are three primary types of adventurer in the world, namely the warrior, the rogue and the wizard. You join Gaminfort set in your ways, but there are rumors of adventurers vanishing, only to return remarkably different, unrecognizable to even the closest of colleagues.

The Warrior is a fearsome combatant, capable of delivering devastating blows from a variety of weapons and slaughtering untold numbers of foes in a short period. All their combat training however has come at the expense of much arcane power and as such, the Warrior has few options available to him or her when healing is needed. A bright flame for sure but all too often, one that burns not for long.

The rogue is a jack of all trades. Never wishing to find himself out of options, he has balanced his training between combat and magic. Whilst not as strong as the warrior, the rogue can handle himself in a fight but what he lacks in immediate killing power, he makes up for with a greater ability to heal than his warrior counterparts. The rogue walks on life's tightrope and must be certain to maintain their balance, lest they fall and are cast into the bowels of the underworld.

The wizard cares not for weaponcraft, having dedicated his life to the study of the arcane. These studies have granted the wizard not only superb healing powers but also the ability to attack his opponents with magic directly, causing great injury in the process. Alas, the wizard's reserves of power are not limitless and he can only perform so many feats before needing to rest, during which time he has only his staff for defence. The wizard must be cunning where others are bold and the overconfident mage is often his own worst enemy.

From time to time you will find treasure to bolster your fortune. Other times you may encounter monsters. These monsters also carry treasure, but fighting can sap your health, with each battle bringing you one step closer to death.

Should you wish to be more proactive in your quest for wealth, you may challenge other adventurers to single combat. Victory can bring a share of your opponents riches, but defeat can result in death. Pick your battles wisely (using the http://gamingforce.org/forums/images...ssedswords.png icon in the postbit) and beware of making too many enemies, as an unpopular adventurer is a dead adventurer.

As you go about your travels, you will inevitably incur a few injuries along the way. The world is a dangerous place and the uninjured traveller is not the well travelled one. You have healing magic at your disposal, but during periods when your mana is low, you can visit the healer (on the top bar), although he is not cheap.

The hearts of men are fickle, and whilst some are paragons of virtue, others may follow a darker path. You will know a good man by the green aura he has about him, whereas an evil man will appear red. If you wish to follow a path of good, you must seek out and slay the followers of darkness, whereas if you wish to further the cause of evil, you would be best served by slaying those who wish to bring light to the world. There is no right or wrong in this matter, only in your own heart do you know the path you will follow.

As well as treasure, monsters and other adventurers, you may occasionally encounter one of the gods of the realm on your travels. The gods walk amongst us as normal men (although each has some ostentatious trappings of their deification, you can't miss them) and engage in adventure the same as anyone else. Be aware though that the gods have the power of life and death in their hands. They can heal or kill you at will, so appease them and you may live a long and prosperous life, anger them and you will be seeing a lot of the graveyard.

So with that knowledge imparted, you are now ready to begin your quest! Good fortune find you and with it, mountains of treasure are sure to follow.

Happy April Fools!

Encounters:

Simply Majestic encounter:

Suddenly, a Simply Majestic jumps out at you. Despite its fearsome appearance and reputation, it just sits there, drooling. You manage to sneak past the pathetic creature and find its stash of treasure. You are about to continue on your way and leave the beast to its drooling when sense gets the better of you and you plunge your sword into its tiny brain. It continues to sit motionless for a couple of minutes until the rest of its body realises it's been killed, then keels over slowly, leaving an inoffensive and frankly rather boring corpse.

It's what the gods would have wanted.

Elixir encounter:

Resting up for a minute, you feel the ground beneath you start to shake. Fearing an earthquake, you duck low and cover your head, but then notice the top of a magestic head of hair coming over the hills towards you. This is no earthquake, it is the legendary sheep-giant, Elixir!

The beast lumbers towards you, spewing an endless stream of inane drivel from its five mouths. It lunges clumsily towards you, but you easily dodge its ineffectual swipes. Hopping around behind it, you deliver a series of blows to the creature's knees, causing it to topple over like so much rotten lumber.

It lies where it falls, waving its emaciated arms and legs in the air as it struggles to right itself. Eventually, its ribcage gives way under the weight of its protective blubber and with a final guttural gasp, the Elixir dies, drowned in its own crepusculence.

bobo encounter:

You hear a strange cry on the wind and a rustling in the undergrowth. Fearing the worst, you prepare for battle!

A large, yellow bird leaps out at you, stumbles around for a while and then collapses face first, clearly drunk. You realise this must be the mythical bobo, a creature that was once common in this region but was thought to now be extinct, the last of them having drunk itself to death in city of Cancunia.

The beast raises its head a fraction and peers at you through bleary eyes. It manages to raise a wing slightly, held out cupped the way a drunken beggar might ask for alms. With a sneer of contempt, you raise your weapon and end the sad creature's life with a single blow, finally condemning the race to the history books where they belong.

DevilGlobox encounter:

You are attacked by a swarm of devigloboxes. Hundreds of the tiny creatures rush at you, screaming their warcry 'Aaaiiiiirrrr rrriiiiiiidddeeeee!'. The leader stands back and watches with pride as his myriad companions charge forward, each a near perfect copy of each of the others. The swarm has bested countless opponents and brought whole communities to their knees under the ferocity of their attacks and all sentient beings rightly fear the march of the deviglobox.

Or at least that's how it happens in his mind. In reality the tiny creatures are little more than an irritation at best, their crude weapons barely long or sharp enough to break the skin, let alone get through armour. You amuse yourself for a few minutes stamping on the creatures, wiping out whole legions with each fall of your boot. It is not long however before the novelty wears off and you go on your way, ignoring the taunts and boasts of the leader, barely audible over the cries of the dying and wounded.

Truly a more pathetic race the world has never seen.

Healer:

Already at full health:

"Well there, let me take a look at you."

"Hmmmmmmmm, you look perfectly healthy. If you don't need my services, then why are you here?"

"Ah, it must be because you want to keep an old feller like me company, that's very thoughtful of you. I wish all the young folk were as polite as you, they're nothing like the old days, let me tell you, why, back in my day, kids would stand in line for hours to. . ."

Confirm restore HP/MP:

"Ah, a customer. Well, look at you, you certainly look like you've been through a few scrapes. You're missing xxx HP and xxx MP, I can certainly restore that for you in a cat's wink. How much money do you have?"

"xxx GP? My flat fee for this kind of work is 25 GP, so you've got enough for my services. What'll it be?"

Restored HP/MP:

"Good as new, you are, you can't even tell that you were involved in, well, hm, maybe it's best that you not tell me what you've been up to, eh? I was young once, I know exactly the types of shenanigans you young folk get yourselves into. There was this one time, I can't have been more than fifteen, that through a series of odd coincidences it looked like I was responsible for the disappearance of a priceless sword, of course I had never touched a longsword in my life but there I was on the run from the guards of. . ."

Can't afford restore HP/MP:

"Ah, can I help you? Of course I can, you look a bit worse for the wear. Do you have enough to pay for my services? My fee is 25 GP, whether I'm healing a cut or a mortal wound."

"Only xxx GP, you say? Sorry, but I can't help you. One exception and soon enough there'll be a line from here to the city gates of people telling me their woeful stories, you know how it goes. There was another physicker right down the street, he moved out to the country, oh, fifteen years ago, I'd say, who helped this young stablegirl with her first birth, and sure as the sun rises, a week later word got out about it and his door was. . ."

Confirm revive:

"Bone pastor Guillerme, / Pectus quidem inerme. . ."

". . . huh, a freshly dead corpse. The soul must not be too far away. Let's check the wallet. . ."

"Well now, xxx GP, certainly more than enough to pay the 50 GP fee for my services. Let me find my spectral optics, where are those, ah, here we go."

"There you are, you're the soul that belongs to this body, correct? Very good, do you wish me to revive you, or will you take your chances praying to the Lord?"

Revived:

"There we are, I've done all I can do. You ought to reanimate any minute now."

"Not really a bad case, all things considered. A few years ago, there was this one lad I treated, his body was spread apart over an acre of the king's woods. What a terrible mess, his intestines were. . ."

Can't afford revive:

"Foy porter, honneur garder / Et pais querir, oubeir. . ."

". . . huh, a freshly dead corpse. The soul must not be too far away. Let's check the wallet. . ."

"Bah, only xxx GP, not enough to cover my fee of 50 GP. I always make certain to keep an emergency purse for this very eventuality. Very sorry, my dear master. You know, this reminds me of the time I was very close to the Dark Gate, left for dead in a copse not too far from here, I had been. . ."

Already able to reincarnate:

"Je ne cuit pas qu'oncques à creature / Amours partist ses biens si largement. . ."

". . . huh, a freshly dead corpse. Well let's take a look here and see if we can't help this feller out. . ."

"Hmm, it seems like this body is right fit for reincarnation. Whoever's soul it was prepared for may want to hop into it pretty quickly before another wandering spirit takes his place. I remember this one time, many years ago, it was the spring, I remember because Mathilda had just made the first batch of her famous Kobold cheese, of course it wasn't actually made from real Kobolds, that would be far too dangerous, what she really did was. . ."

Random ramblings:

". . . covered in plum sauce! Well of course I went out back to cut. . ."
". . . and there was the Duchess of Arden, naked 'cept her long hair flowing in front of her, which did a terrible job of covering her ample. . ."
". . . he later had three children with that goat. The oldest one, Hephzibah, was the most. . ."
". . . 'fifty cubits,' I said, 'the most you'll be able to shove in there is forty-two before. . .'"
". . . used his hand, kids these days don't know the first thing about animal husbandry. . ."
". . . course, back in those days we had t' use codpieces as knee pads, because of the shortage due to the War and all. . ."
". . . Chinaman told me to rub it with an elixir of crushed bull testicle and sea salt, and it'll. . ."
". . . it weren't long before Old Man Whitworth had't shut down the Academy of Hat Studies, on account'a. . ."
". . . that's how it became known as Beet Tuesday, though Miss Agatha was downright livid at. . ."
". . . which of course is exactly how he ended up in gaol in the first place, but he. . ."
". . . honestly, the cheek of some people, well I took that breechcloth and. . ."
". . . o'course this was all garlic fields back then, to be honest even the smell on the hottest day couldn't match. . ."
". . . I tell you, they just don't make drinks like they used to, one glass of Rusty's cesspunch would. . ."
". . . turnips? In April? Well I didn't believe that flimflammer for one second, and you would not believe what he had painted. . ."
". . . and that was the last time I met your mother, even then from a distance of forty paces she could. . ."
". . . except there was no pond and the recipe clearly called for sour cream. . ."
". . . and no amount of penance whipping would remove that sin, so I returned the flamingo to. . ."
". . . when my impetigo began to flare up and the children ran in terror for three days before. . ."
". . . but the only known antidote involves bear semen and sulfur, a highly explosive combination. . ."
". . . when I met God himself and He was wearing a golden sombrero and carrying two chickens in each arm. . ."
". . . and I cracked my head very sharply on a piece of furniture. . ."
". . . and I'm afraid I was very, very drunk. . ."
". . . only this big, but immensely strong. . ."
". . . became the first man to travel from Old Malderville to Possum Trot naked. He's dead now. . ."
". . . stole my famous cheese dip recipe and claimed he had it first. Of course, he's dead now. . ."
". . . popularized the practice of wearing your suspenders backwards. He's dead now. . ."
". . . the only man to ever date all five of Rosy Palm's sisters in the same evening. Of course, he's dead now. . ."
". . . so Matterson and I booked it to the local gummy, which is what we called speakeasys in those days. He's dead now. . ."
". . . which is why that village's now known as Squitty End. . ."
". . . no word of a lie, 450 feet I tells ye. . ."
". . . eyes like dinner plates and wings ye could use fer a tent. . ."
". . . it wasn't until he got there that he realised he'd forgotten his trousers. . ."
". . . even the gods themselves didn't like old Father Hamish much. . ."
". . . 25 times in one week! I reckons that must be some kind o' record. . ."
". . . the mayor's daughter and twelve of the local guardsmen. . ."
". . . and that was the last time anyone tried armwrestling Daisy. . ."
". . . naturally that was before they invented bandages. . ."
". . . just like my old granpappy used to say. . ."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luxray (Post 694666)

Also, anyone got a link to the final stats of Gaminfort?

Stats page is here. I'm going to run some queries for more stats (like most smitings/blessings, etc.) and post them here some time later.