"Oh, you think that— oh no, I'm not part of the weird little autocracy the Wizards of Saruun are running upstairs. I'm just here on my own personal business, just as you are, or so I expect.

I'm looking for the minotaur ruins myself, although my goals are a little more specific than yours appear to be. There's a monastery down here somewhere — I've heard it called the Well Of Demons. Your average minotaur, being a fairly bestial sort, tends to demon worship; Baphomet in particular is quite popular as I understand it.

Long story short, there's a band of gnolls causing significant distress to certain villages in the general vicinity, and this Well Of Demons is really the best lead I have in hunting them down and... well."

The tiefling stands up, hefts his pack onto his shoulders, and grinds the few remaining embers of the campfire under his boot, snuffing them out.

"How about this: I tell you what I do know, and then if you happen to stumble upon the Well do me the kindness of pointing me in the right direction should we meet again. I doubt you'll have more luck than I have, but another five pairs of eyes can only improve my chances.

If you're just looking for trouble, I can help you with that. About a third of a mile east of... well, no, it was east of the Hall, anyway. I'm not sure where I am right now. But if you can get back to the Hall, there's an old prospector's path; fairly cramped but at least straightforward. Just leave through the Dragon Door and keep to the left; the route is fairly well marked. More than you can say for most of the mess down here.

There's a shrine to Torog down that way, swarming with goblinoids big and small. Run a tidy slaving operation, so I've heard. I don't think they so much as noticed me passing by, but the lot of you don't precisely seem inclined to stealth.

At any rate, look me up at the Halfmoon if you find yourself back in the Hall with any news. We'll compare notes."

Gheth carefully considers the tiefling's words and mannerisms as he speaks: while the mage doesn't seem to be actually lying, there's a definite sense that there's more going on than he's telling.

The tiefling looks about doubtfully and seems to select a corridor at random. Striding into the maze, he quickly vanishes from sight.

Realizing (somewhat belatedly) that minotaurs favor mazes, Gheth's next instinct is to remove the chalk from his pack and mark the wall of the cavern they are in with a visible X.

Gheth attempts to backtrack the caverns the party has used in order to get them back to the main hall.

Dungeoneering check
in retrospect perhaps I should have chosen dungeoneering as my bonus
overcome with irony that rushing in has led to so many skill checks it will make your head spin

The giant lizard seems confused. Gordok decides to help out.

Dungeoneering Check
Perception Check

Stupid organics. Squishy brains and all. Often forgetful. Can't remember SHIT. Also easy to crush under one's boot. This is why you bring mutant atomic robot supermen around though.

Dungeoneering Check, and it's better than theirs, since they are stupid and smelly
20 > 14, horray!

After a few clicks, whirrs, and pops, Glock opens his mouth.

The high pitched sounds of a ribbon printer echo throughout the cave.

Shortly thereafter, a list of directions on how to get the fuck back to town should they need to is torn from his mouth.

"COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE"

During this entire cave maze movement, keep an eye out for brimstone.

Nature check
God damn it, this is where I roll a 20? Ffffffffff

If Pang lets me find any, take two pounds of it.

PS.

Take and equip Garr's Skald's Armour he's carrying but not wearing.
Toss regular shitball chainmail on the floor.

Garr said I could~

Although he really has no more idea where they are than anyone else how to find their way back to the Hall, Glock makes some extremely lucky guesses and nearly has them back to the settlement in only an hour or so. Along the way he keeps a careful eye out for any naturally-occurring sulfur, but as Thunderspire is not remotely volcanic he has no luck. Had there been any around, he surely would have found it. Alas.

As he retraces his steps, Glock tosses his mundane generic-brand chainmail in a corner and abandons it. Sure, you could get a few bucks for that crap on a trade-in, but why drag it around all day just for that? Let some lucky kobold have it; it'll feed his family for a month.

Glock reckons the party is only a few minute from the Hall when he makes an unfortunate wrong turn, tromping up a flight of stairs that looked precisely the same as a stairway he'd trudged down earlier.

When Glock finds himself in what looks like the ruins of an old church rather than outside the Halfmoon Inn, he promptly turns out his heel — but it's a bit too late.

Horrid leathery things covered in chitin, like the blasphemous spawn of a drake and a massive spider, crawl chittering from the nooks and crannies in the rubble. Almost instantaneously, the route back to the stairs is cut off by a swarm of smaller beasts — likely whatever passes for a juvenile form among whatever these awful things are.

And then there's the bad news.

What looked like a large rock uncurls into a truly massive specimen: easily 8 feet tall, with legs like great sawblades. It charges the party, and the rest of its brood quickly follow suit.

Initiative: Delic, Kruthik Hatchlings, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

Defenses:
Hatchlings AC 15; Fortitude 13, Reflex 15, Will 12
Adults AC 17; Fortitude 14, Reflex 15, Will 13
Hive Lord AC 22; Fortitude 21, Reflex 20, Will 17

Delic, who's been unable to do anything for the last several hours due to a sneezing fit from an allergic reaction to Thumbleweed, finally gets his wits about him.

"Uh, how did we get here and ... why are we surrounded?"

Pulling the sword from its sheath, he realizes that he probably shouldn't unzip his pants in front of other people and so tucks his you-know-what back in his pants and pulls out the Bastard Sword at his side.

"Okay guys, suggestions? We're usually smarter than this. And as D'vgol of Kraal use to say to Thhuhuhusafnaksn of Ualar 'Scream if you're afraid because theres no shame in that unless you find yourself having sex with a woman who weighs more than 180 pounds.'"

Move to U34

Though he has no time to maneuver (yet), Gheth looks slowly at his spear, and then at his shield. In the distance, it almost seemed as if voices could be heard. He quickly yells out:

"Crikey! The room to the right! We can let them come at us two at a time!"

The hatchlings swarm forward, and as so often seems to be the case Garrmondo must take the brunt of their puny, ineffectual attacks.

He feels a slight pressure as the tiny lizards scratch ineffectual at his knees. Oh, it is to laugh.

:savepoint: Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord, Delic, Kruthik Hatchlings

Minions: useless or SO useless

Gordok was familiar how hordes work. He'd seen how to take them apart many times. If done correctly it had even garnered him a few pets in the past. Yeah, time to do this thing. Bring down the big guy.

Tyranny of Flame

Kruthik Hive Lord hit like the fist of the fucking north star. Critical Hit! Takes 22 fire damage and knocked prone (-2 to saving throw).

Never one to shy from a good brawl, and observing that perhaps being the only one to duck into a side room in the middle of a battle would make things...complicated...Gheth decides the bum's rush may be the best tactic in this case. As appealing as he finds this image, he can only think to shout

"Get the hell out of my bar, rummy!"

before he is in the fray.

Move to U31
Dragon's Breath on T29 so as to hit A, B, C, and E
Action Point
Daunting Light on U39 with combat advantage to Gordok

Garrmondo cunningly attempts to circle behind the bugs. But he fails, for he is in a narrow hallway, and does not possess the ability to phase through living matter. Undaunted, he waves his sword around, like, a lot.

Hatchlings A, B, C hella slaughtered

Gordok calls upon the infernal powers which he once picked up in a high-stakes game of hopscotch. Most of the kids only had a few coppers on the line, but when the skeletal old man put a vile rod hewn from human bones in the kitty, nobody really questioned it. Worked out for the best, really.

The Hive Lord is rocked by a fiery explosion and topples over onto its back, where it helplessly thrashes about trying to get back on its feet like a particularly disgusting turtle. It'd be cute if it weren't so murderous.

25 damage to Hive Lord (don't forget your implement's crit bonus), along with the status doodads

Terrified by the dragonborn's angry shouting, the hatchling is so frightened and demoralized that it dies of sadness.

Satisfied, Gheth turns around to see the entertaining spectacle of the Hive Lord desperately scrabbling to right itself. Apparently possessed of much the same sense of humor, Avandra helpfully illuminates the big lizard that it may be more easily observed (and taunted).

Dragon Breath: Hatchling E slain
Daunting Light: well, Gordy gets the +2 anyways

The adult lizards approach cautiously, firing jagged spikes from their backs. Most of the party dodges the spines easily, but Glock feels a sharp sting as a spike lodges in his elbow joint and begins to ooze some kind of venom — badly diluting his crucial joint lubricants.

Toxic Spikes: 5 damage to Glock, 5 ongoing poison damage and slowed (save ends both)
Start of Glock's turn: 5 poison damage

:savepoint: Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord, Delic, Kruthik Hatchling, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults

The servos in his legs were acting up. And at such an inopportune time, too. Glock makes a mental note to get an oil change the next time he sees a mechanic. This sort of lackluster lubrication will not do.

While stiff, he can still move a little, at least.

Move to U33

Kinda pissed off that he's covered in some sort of green acidic goo that's actually eating away at his wonderful shiny skin, Glock looks at the remaining hatchling and yells.

"On her back again? God damn, your mother is a whore. She was like that last night too when I was violating her insect ass with a broom"

Vicious Mockery on Minion D
19 > 12. Boom

Totally fucking told off to the nth degree, the minion explodes violently in a torrent of blood, guts, and appendages.

Trying to shake off the negative effects of insect spit unfortunately proves useless.

Noticing that that dumb bug missed his buddy Garr, Glock activated the frequency generator in his head and pointed it at him. The vibrations caused Garr to move ever so slightly.

"GO GO GADGET 16 INCH SUBWOOFER"

Virtue of Cunning. Slide Garr to S30

The Hive Lord (or, potentially, Hive Lady) wiggles toward the party on its back painstakingly, still unable to right itself. Its unfortunate orientation does nothing to stop it vomiting bile over everyone in the vicinity. Delic, thinking quickly, takes cover behind the warforged and uses his wide-brimmed hat as an umbrella.

Acid Blast:
5 damage to Gordok; 5 ongoing acid damage and weakened (single save ends both)
10 damage to Gheth; 5 ongoing acid damage and weakened (single save ends both)
10 damage to Glock; 5 ongoing acid damage and weakened (single save ends both)

:savepoint: Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

Delic brandishes the Bastard Sword, feeling the weight of the blade and its center of balance. Taking careful aim while looking down the blade's edge, he aims at what he he assumes is the softest spot on or near what passes for it's face and drives one hard hit as hard as his weight will allow.

Move to T35
Brash Strike against large insect creature

(Delic falls forward, faceplanting next to the creature)

http://thegond.com/rp/12x12block.gif
http://thegond.com/rp/12x12block.gifhttp://thegond.com/gff/dnd/pixeltimebattle01.png




Move to U35
Bear mode
Roar of Terror

Kruthik Adults A and B are hit with a disappointingly small Roar of Terror for 7 damage but despite that are still dazed.
The Kruthik Hive Lord brushes the tiny meep off receiving a mere 3 damage and is slightly dazed until this bear has a chance to strike again.

Small bear, you need to level up and play more serious.

"But wait!"

http://thegond.com/rp/12x12block.gifhttp://thegond.com/gff/dnd/smallbearisbig.gif

exclaims small bear

"Thanks to DRAGON POWERS my BEAR POWERS strike true!"

And indeed upon reflection of combat advantage against the Kruthik Hive Lord small bear did seven of damage and the lord was dazed good.

Somewhat intimidated by being outshouted by a creature the size of an ale keg, Gheth steels his resolve and goes for something with a little more flash to aid his lubricated (and now bevenomed) friend.

"Yay! I'm helping!"

Ethereal and bright, his words seem to spill forth from his mouth, engulfing the warforged in sparkling light. It is beautiful to behold, if perhaps somewhat less eloquent than he would like.


Move to T34
Healing Word on Glock
Lance of Faith on Hive Lady for good measure

Shrugging his shoulders, Garrmondo picks up on Glock's cue and begins punting the kruthik back toward the stairwell.

End of Garrmondo's turn: 2 damage from Gnashing Horde Aura

Assuming the shape of a distressingly small bear, Gordok roars a mighty roar.

Well, a roar.

More of an aggressive-sounding cough, really. The kruthiks seemed to find it impressive, at least.

Beginning of Gordok's turn: 5 acid damage
Roar of Terror: 3 damage to Hive Lord, Adults A & B; all 3 dazed (save ends)
Because he was weakened, that's why

Gheth does what he can to repair the extensive damage to his mechanical friend, but with the acid sizzling away it's a stopgap measure at best.

Beginning of Gheth's turn: 5 acid damage
Healing Word: Glock's HP +12

The majority of the adult kruthiks can do little more than stagger toward the party, dazed by Gordok's wheeze of fury. Separated from the rest, Garrmondo's quarry decides to cut a window in him so as to get back to its brood.

Claw: 9 damage to Garrmondo

Start of Glock's turn: 5 acid damage, 5 poison damage

:savepoint: Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord, Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults

Pissed off because he can't quite shake this shit, Glock stumbles forward.

Move to U31

"FUCK THIS" he mumbles. Which comes out more as a BLEEP BLOOP BLEEP, having reverted to his robot mannerisms in a moment of anger.

Shaking his robo-head back and forth a bit seemed to clear himself up a bit, though.

Warforged Resolve
Oh thank God that actually worked. Ditch the poison/slow compound condition. Regain 5 HP. (3 + 0.5(5))

"It's about time we find out exactly what these motherfuckers are made of", he mentioned, not quite to anyone in particular. "ACTIVATE SCANNING MATRIX BETA SEVEN. LOCK TARGET GAMMA. CHARGE DEFLECTOR DISH. PROCEED WHEN READY, ENSIGN."

Goggles of Aura Sight on Adult C.

Finally shrugging off the poison from the spikes, Glock fiddles with the controls on his goggles, scanning the lizard he'd shoved Garrmondo off to deal with.

http://www.saxypunch.com/missile/40wattrange.png

The Hive Individual Of Authority stands up! Exciting times.

:savepoint: Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

Delic lifts his head up off the floor, "Mmm prhprphphp hhphp hrph," he says through the mashed but not quite broken nose, "Mptphpthpptphp, pphp. Hphpphhhffft?"

He swings wide, attempting to cut the creature in any sort of way he can manage. No more of this fancy-ass "aiming" thing.

Dammit Acer

5 acid damage at start of turn

The itty bitty bear blinks once or twice. It seems like it's been so long since he last did anything. Strange how everyone else was also sitting still. Almost like they were waiting for him.

Not knowing what to do in the next couple of seconds before someone else does something, he yells "Ipso, facto, meeny, moe... MAGICO" at the large bitch right in front of him.

Warlock's Curse on Hive Lord
Rod of Reaving bonus causes 1 damage to Hive Lord at this time

After yelling, in the resulting awkward silence, he did the only thing he could to make it worse.

He farted.

Tundra Wind

Aimed so that it hits T36 through V38.

16+6 = 22 > 21. Lord hit.
17+6 = 23 > 14. Adult A very hit.
Adult A takes (12+4=16) /2=8 damage, Lord takes (12+4+6=22) /2=11 damage.
Both knocked prone.
Use Primal Guardian bonus to push Adult A 3 spaces to V39.

Greatly disturbed by the force of that...blast, and just how cold it was, Gordy swears off banana ice cream for a while here after.

Failed saving throw vs compound condition.

He still felt kinda funkalicious though. Gonna have to stop eating rats too, probably.

Jesus Christ why can't I get rolls like this when it's my turn