NEW STORY TIME! I didn't realize it'd been a year since the last one. What the fuck is wrong with me? Anyway this one will be a two parter, and hopefully the second part won't be as far away as this one.

It is called Reciprocity and you can get it there, or on the front page. Feedback is appreciated, as always.

Okay, I realize that this is gonna sound crass as fuck and I don't mean it that way - but if you write and you want to keep writing, why are you dumping it on the Internet instead of trying to get yourself published?

Because I am trying to get feedback as opposed to rejection letters.

Rejection letters still mean you're aiming higher than jerks on the Internet.

Its like an orchestra when they perform for a conductor they like; they "player higher" than normal because they enjoy performing for the guy. The same could go for your writing.

I'll be sending shit out when I feel I am ready to send shit out. I'm not AIMING for people on the internet, I'm just trying to get some opinions at all.

Which, by the way, I haven't heard from you.

I read all your stories. The plots are intriguing, but if you're having trouble with publishers, I can think of a few possible tips.

You could try "streamline" the series into something smaller, but more coherent. Mainly the characters and how they're introduced. I would start with Rue.

I would outline the important points of Rue's back story, leave aside the unnecessary details and fit it all into one big chapter.

I would probably rethink or replace other characters. Namely Garis. I'm not fond of his name. And perhaps he needs more of an edge than simply being Rue's boss. As it is, Garis comes across as a fairly neutral character. Neither good nor bad, but ultimately boring and unlikeable. Either the guy needs more balls, or needs to be pushed into the background.

I might also give Lilael a terminal illness so it gives the sense of a "doomed relationship". You know, like "There are no happy endings in Blackfield". Of course, that depends on the direction you want to take the story.

As for locations, I'm not entirely sure. I like this scum-city setting you've created. It's probably one of the best fictional locations I've come across. But you tend to repeat descriptions of the same things a little too much sometimes. Again, I would probably outline as many points about the location as I felt necessary, then reorganize the key locations of Blackfield into up to a dozen chapters, spread throughout the book.

I think the story could use a little more momentum. I mean, there are events such as "we have to kill this guy" and the odd tragic death, but the characters seem a little too comfortable where they are. Rue sitting in Rue's apartment etc.

It's tricky, making Rue seem invincible. It does make her a cool character, but strongly diminishes the sense of danger. By the time I finished the most recent chapter, I felt almost completely unconcerned about Rue. Like, if I skipped a few chapters ahead, I would be certain Rue isn't in any serious trouble. Maybe she could use a rival; someone who might have a chance at beating her and tear apart everything she's worked for.

- My two cents.:tpg:

Thanks for the opinions. A few of the things you've brought up (Any sort of relationship, Rue finding an equal/rival, etc) I intended to address in later stories. Though it seems like a lot has been written, these really are just the beginning of their stories.

*waits for new stories*

Reciprocity part 2 is finally done. Commence readification.