Okay, so either I'm going to have to close this thread or make a new one in angst.

Which will it be, guys.

I don't think abused people say that, really. Especially when they're winning. =D
(also, on a personal note, there is a rather large change coming up. To which I've had a hand in. And there's nothing she can do. In fact, she's decided to work for the other guys. That will be in September. So theres that. Win.)

So I guess I'll close this now?

Yeah, I'd have to agree. You can only fool yourself for so long. One day, the same old shit will start happening again, just like it always does, and the person who is the target of the abuse will just realise that life's too short to deal with this crap, no matter how much they think they love that person. Been there. Done that.

Oh come on... I'm pretty sure that Sass actually enjoys RAGE. Why would she want to save herself from that? :p

Kinda do. Its like playing with that cut on your lip. Or maybe playing with fire. CHALLENGE.

And Devo, what do you want me to say. I approach life in a different way than you do. I don't have sympathy for stupid broads. What do you want from me.

Dead? I must lead a really sheltered existance. I can't say that I realised people were ending up dead as a result of domestic violence... I know some people get pretty badly hurt as a result of it, but that's often when the "wake-up call" hits them, isn't it? Of course, I was speaking primarily of emotional abuse, which is the only kind I have any real experience of. :)

So you'd stick around with a chick who hit you? You think it's ok for a dude to beat his chick?


Okaaaayyyy...

Umm, I actually remember a thread where it was explicitly stated that Pang-n-Sass smack each other around every now and then. This is completely normal and if you disagree Pang will be sarcastic at you until you see things their way or get tired of arguing with a brick wall that has been decorated with a beautiful spray paint frescoe of a man pointing defiantly at a jellyfish.

It's not an issue of whether it's "normal", I don't think that's relevant. There is a distinction between "abusive relationship" and "relationship where two consenting adults choose to resolve conflict via physical violence". I just don't really buy into the idea that two capable people should just suppress all their frustrations because "hitting people is wrong". But no, let's just all sit in a circle and talk it out even when the issue is so fundamental as to be beyond compromise.

You shouldn't hit someone who cannot reasonably be expected to mount a capable counterattack. Beyond that, why not? If both parties are in roughly equivalent states of physical fitness, then both of them will be injured to roughly the same degree.

Bonding!

I like how Elmo just dictated how Sass and I have to decorate our kitchen.

Fuck you, Jellyfish. You're not my real father.

To expand further on this, we've never put each other in the hospital or anything. And it's not like we're beating the bloody fuck out of each other.

It really does help, you know. He hits me, I hit him or vice versa. Until we end up laughing at each other or insulting each other in reallu juvenile ways.

"ANDY, YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL."
"DANIELLE, YOU ARE A GIRL."
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?"
"YEA, THATS RIGHT BITCH."

Laughter ensues. Or possibly violence. Its great for relieving stress.

From what Sass is describing, you guys have spats, not full-on fist fights. I don't see a big deal in that, I guess. I can also see a common understanding within it, too.

Sometimes you can get your point across without such accessive sarcasm. Ask Sass. ;)

well since we're dragging sass' personal life into this, I assume once she doesn't need her work to pay for college anymore, she's good to go?

are you kidding me? domestic violence is pretty much the most dangerous type of situation that the police have to deal with. I assume it's because of the extreme likelyhood that someone's going to end up dead if things aren't dealt with in the best way possible.

It seems like everyone should like sarcasm that's easy to access, though. :(

If I had to like remember a password just to get to my sarcasm, well, I wouldn't like that much at all.

Also, why is Elmoogle even here, I thought he left the internet.

Nope, I'm really not kidding. I kinda figured most people got out of an abusive relationship when bones started getting broken, for example. I've no direct experience of physical abuse within a relationship, and the only cases I have second-hand knowledge of haven't escalated to quite that point.

Since we're going to talk about it ANYways (ugh)

I think Devo just doesn't get my personality.

Yea, I think women in an abusive relationship should shut up or get out.

Whereas with ME and my work situation, I enjoy a good bitch fight. We all know this. I have been in bitch fights for the entire time I've been on this planet. I enjoy them. Sure, I get frustrated. Sure, I get my fair share of being dealt shit at work - like everyone.

But its a challenge for me. And while it makes me VERY angry and it makes me VERY frustrated, I am always up for a challenge. If I couldn't take it, I would leave, sure. But believe me, at this point, I am in it just to say I did it - just to win in the end. And like I said, the end will be in my favor - it's already determined. She loses her job and goes with the other guys.

And it's not like I don't abuse her either. I set little traps. I dish it out. I am just (surprisingly) a lot more passive aggressive with her than you think.

Sheltered indeed.

An awful lot of the time something relatively minor like screaming at each other can quickly turn into severe violence. Happens all the time.

The 'wake-up call' doesn't always hit. Some people will just continue to go back regardless of how often things get out of hand.

Devo, I'll give you the point about just tearing into a victim's self esteem etc. But it's quite another thing to tell someone that they deserve better, and that they are quite capable of taking care of themselves. They should sort their shit out or they are dumb. This *should* be encouraging, as you get across the sentiment that they deserve better, and putting up with the abuse is selling themselves short.

But, what would you suggest? Just a pat on the back and 'everything is going to be alright'? Tough love (sans abuse) can get a point across well. Touchy feely reassurance might as well be telling the victim to buck up and march back into the bad situation for another round.

In all honesty, I don't know why women (generally speaking. This can apply to men too) deal with this shit.

This topic hits pretty close to home, as there's someone in my house who's currently in a particularly shitty and abusive relationship. They know damn well what they need to do to fix this problem--break up with said spouse, cut off communication, move on with life--but for whatever inane, batshit reason... Even though the fucker has cheated on them multiple times, has evidently hit them (I've seen the bruises!), humiliated and discouraged said family member... Ugh. They still fucking "love" their shitty shit significant other.

And even though people outside looking in on the situation know that it's not love, that it's issues with self-esteem and all of this other shit, it's a hopeless and helpless cause to try and work with these people because they refuse to listen to reason. It's both a sad and frustrating effort, to try and pull these people out of their rut and get them going toward something better.

However, the descision to change must be made completely by themselves. They're pretty much the only ones who can do anything in (abusive) situations like these.

So what makes you different?

See, when Lehah suggests you smear dog shit under everything she owns and everyone else is nodding in agreement, it's because nobody else thinks you're different from any other abused person. You just think you are. Yes, abused people really do sound like that.

The real solution really would be to walk away from it, but you won't. And worse, you still don't seem to realize at all how little you're really doing to resolve the situation. You're letting ego get the better of you with this notion that you're strong enough to put up with it for extremely nebulous ends.

Honestly - why DO you put up with it all? And don't say "to win", because that's not a real goal. Not in real life.

It's rather depressing how few people can distinguish between actual love, and mere infatuation. That, plus the other common misconception that "love conquers all" when all accumulated knowledge on the subject says otherwise. People won't use their heads in relationships.

Well, Seris, you do have to take into account that some people are dependent on boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.

Society puts so much pressure on you having a partner that I know the more weak people will certainly get someone and just accept it.

Also, the fact that many people don't think they can do better or that there's no better kind of people out there. (I wouldn't critize them for thinking there's not that much better people out there)

I'm sure there's people from messed up backgrounds who have men hit them all of the time and call it a 'love tap'.

There's many factors that could make them just accept it.

Double Post:
Until it almost gets chopped off by their so-called "lover".